Good Morning Campers!

Wow, what a week it’s been!  Here it is Thursday and I’m just now getting started on this week’s issue.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been this far behind in my work.  But, it’s also been one of those kinds of weeks at my day job, as well. 

Well, at 6:51 a.m. this morning it was the official start of summer, the beginning of the summer solstice or midsummer.  Celebrations vary by nations, but it centers around fertility.  One of the means of celebration is to light fires, originally designed to keep dragons away who would poison wells, lakes and water sources.

Now, I strongly take offense to this purely historical crap!  They BLAMED us for poisoning water sources because they were too bloody stupid to keep their water clean!  Peasants were getting sick year round, but it was only because of us dragons poisoning their wells on one night of the year?  Really?  Please!

We were much more interested in the whole fertility thing and many of us dragons (those of us old enough to be capable) visited the celebrations in our human forms.

Why?  I’ll show you why:

Come on!  For any healthy dragon, that’s akin to leaving the fridge open while full of the most succulent food imaginable!  Why would we want to poison that???

Today is also the longest day of the year.  And you thought all days lasted 24 hours.  Ha!  No, what it really means is it is the longest daytime (time between sunrise and sunset) of the year.  Actually, day by day it only varies by a few seconds.  For instance, here in my town, from the 19th of June to the 24th, the chart that I checked said that each day was 15 hours and 6 minutes.  To compare to the shortest day of the year (the winter solstice) 9 hours and 15 minutes.  A difference of 5 hours and 51 minutes.  Anyway, that probably means that 6:51 a.m. the sun reaches the furthest north in it’s winding track across the equator. The furthest northern point follows a track around the earth called the Tropic of Cancer and the southern, the Tropic of Capricorn.

Anyway, enough science lesson for the day.

Lethal Leprechaun and I have been friends for a long time.  In fact, we went to school together.  There was this one time I remember that the teacher asked the class to use the word ‘fascinate’ in a sentence.
…
Molly put up her hand and said, ‘My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.’
The teacher said, ‘That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate, not fascinating’.
Impish raised his hand. He said, ‘my family went to see the Grand Canyon and we got to fly up and down the canyon and I was ‘fascinated.’
‘The teacher said, ‘Well, that was good Impish, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate.’
Little Lethal Leprechaun raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by little Lethal before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word ‘fascinate’
So she called on him.
Lethal said, ‘My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.’
The teacher sat down and cried.
…
I remember a lot of those kinds of times growing up…

 

This next one started out in the motivational section, but so much better here that I moved it up!

 See what I mean? 

 

 

The phone rings and Mrs. Dragon answers.

A pervert with heavy breathing says, “I’ll bet you have a tight ass with no hair.”

Mrs. Dragon replies, “Yes I do.  He’s watching TV…whom shall I say is calling?”

Okay, I’m not sure if Lethal slipped that one in or if Mrs. Dragon did.  Either way, it made me laugh so it stays.

 

Okay, so it’s just a little early for football jokes, but being a Green Bay Packer fan, the off season is just way too long.  Sigh.

 

 

I was telling you that I had a lot of stories about Lethal and I growing up.  It’s funny, because some of the stories have actually become legend, gotten twisted about a little bit, kind of changed a little to protect the innocent guilty.  To illustrate my point and show the height of coincidence at the same time, we received a letter at the main office this week from one of our stalwart readers, Paul.  Now, in Paul’s defense, he didn’t come right out and accuse us of being involved, but the implication is there.  And I’m not saying that it’s true or false, I’m sticking with Lethal’s reply to said letter that comes at the end. 

Here, read for yourself:

Dear Impish and Lethal,

I’m pretty sure this story hits close to home for you guys…

Two little boys, ages 3 and 5, are excessively mischievous. 
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. 
The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. 
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. 
The mother sent the 3 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. 
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, 
“Do you know where God is, son?” 
The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. 
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 
“Where is God?!
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “WHERE IS GOD?!” 
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. 
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
“What happened?” 
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, 
“We are in BIG trouble this time!” 
“GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!”

Like I said, I’m not making any statements for or against any part of the above story, but am standing beside my lawyer, Lethal Leprechaun.  His reply follows:

As council of record for Impish Dragon and on behalf of myself personally I make the following statement for the record regarding these accusations:

We categorically deny any involvement in the alleged disappearance of God in any of his myriad of identities. True we are quite adept at such things but frankly even we have our limits, nor are we even sure it is possible to make such a thing happen, as he is manifest in all living things.

Additionally we point to the current conflict over which of God’s identities will be predominant now being fought in the Middle East as proof he is alive and well albeit disgusted disillusioned, and angry.

If those whom have leveled these charges are using their inability to find God in their hearts and lives as a basis for leveling these unfounded charges against us based solely on our ruthless business reputations then we submit the guilt lies with them and not with us. God only disappears from your life if you make that personal choice.

Since God has been stated as being among one of the values we promote protect and defend in our blog (albeit occasionally irreverently) we cannot be construed as complicit in anyone’s personal decision to cause God to be absent from their life or from realizing that their actions have created such a situation.

Finally if these charges refer to the Liberals and Atheist’s action here in the USA to remove all references to God from our Government as well as the general overall moral decline of American values and society as a whole, we maintain our innocence (with regard solely to his disappearance in distinction from any contribution we may or may not have made to the overall moral decay of American society however unintentional) and maintain instead that he is in point of fact actually hiding from us in embarrassment and disgust over us and our actions. In proof of this theory we offer the Obama Presidency and point to the Old Testament Book of Exodus and the plagues which befell Egypt when they ignored Gods will. Based on the rate at which the Obama Administration is consuming our rights finances and core beliefs we believe his Presidency to be the modern equivalent of the Plague of Locust which befell Egypt.

In summation allow me to paraphrase The Bartman who said in his own defense “Nobody saw me, you didn’t catch me, you can’t prove nuthin’ (ergo) we didn’t do it man.”

Yeah, what he said!
And besides, I know for a fact, that He (in one of His many forms) was at the regular Tuesday night poker get-together at our mountain headquarters, just the other day!

 

 

I really, truly want to hear this guy’s explanation for what in the heck he thought he was doing.

 

8 Ways to start a fight
1. One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

2. My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

3. I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”

4. My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”

5. When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

6. My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”

7. Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 5 years replied, “And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”

8. After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.’

 

I have fans everywhere.  Here’s one that wanted to get my attention at the last Memorial Day orgy picnic that we put together.  She’s really kind of cute in a steampunk dangerous kind of way.

 

 

Mrs. Dragon was telling me about an article she had just read where a  9 month old child was left in the car accidently in Florida. I’m not sure of the baby’s outcome, but the whole article she read me had to do with things you could do to ensure you didn’t forget your child in the car, such as putting your cell phone or purse on the back seat or a teddy bear on the front passenger seat.  What kind of self-centered, non-thinking piece of plasma do you have to be to forget your own child in the car? 

I’ve been a new parent, a couple of times as a matter of fact, and I know a lack of sleep and personal time is a HUGE part of the plan, but as tired as I was, as worn out and stressed out as I’ve ever been, I’ve never forgotten the kid.  I’ve forgotten the diaper bag, the bottle, the kids food, my own belt, car keys, wallet, etc. But never the kid. 

But the part that really made me think where where it said to put your cell phone in the back seat, so you would get out of the car, the first thing you think of is your phone, you remember you put it in the back seat, turn around and say, “Hey!  There’s a kid back here! Oh yeah, right.  It’s mine!” Is this the kind of world we now live in, where remembering to get our cell phone out of the car is more important than remembering to get a child out of the car?  Come on people!  Put down the damn phones.

 

 

But there in lies the problem:  too many people don’t “think”.  I’m not sure exactly what it is they use that grey matter that’s stuck between their ears for, but it sure as hell isn’t what it was originally designed for.  Take a look around you and tell me that the world is full of straight thinking people.  Go ahead.  I dare you.

 

There’s not even a ROAD there!  How the hell did he get up there to begin with??

 

“Why no, Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die!  Oddjob, get him on the escalator to the shark tank!”
Another one: “Yes, ma’am.  We are expanding the aquarium here at Sea World.”
Okay, one More: Here is a clip from the movie Deep Blue Sea, where the heroes are chased into the local mall.

“Don’t give me that crap about ‘Crazy Women Drivers’!  You got pissed off again, didn’t you Hulk?”

 

I’m figuring he drove off the roof and fell there.  Heck, I don’t know.

 

Okay, a couple of things come to mind with this one.  Of course the first is that the whole throwing the tied sneakers over the phone lines is getting a bit out of hand.  Second, that those damn wires are up there a whole lot stronger than I ever thought they were.  And lastly, what do you have to hit at what sort of a weird angle to end up in that position?

 

Oh?!  You thought that was tasteless? Well, try this one then:

Okay, one more to really set the tasteless bar:

Yup, that ought to just about do it.  Throw in a couple of gay jokes and maybe one blonde joke and I should have offended just about everyone.
What?
Oh, Lethal says I have to apologize.  He says I’m not normally this disagreeable, but that I’m suffering from a stupid headache that I’ve had all week!  He may be right.  I am more than a bit disagreeable this week.  So, okay.  No more tasteless jokes or cartoons … at least for a little while.

 

 

and haven’t we at DL&LL been saying that for YEARS!?!?!?

Dude!  You are SO doing it wrong!!

Yes!  Yes they do!  Wait…what?  That ain’t no unicorn!!!  Run!  Clear the campground!!!!

I wonder if they will ever catch up to each other?

 

Well, you knew it had to start SOMEWHERE, right?

 

You know.  I just noticed that we haven’t had any videos in this issue!  So let’s do:

Okay, this first one has got to be one of the strangest sights I’ve ever seen.  And that’s saying a lot!  I’ve seen some pretty strange sights in my life.  Check out this river of ducks.  No, not ducks in a river, a river of ducks.

What a great video.  If this one doesn’t touch your heart, check yourself into the hospital because you have no pulse.

The optical illusions in this one really make it worth watching.  A music video called: The Writing’s On The Wall, by OK Go.

 

Okay, last one.  Any other math nerds out there?  Just me?  Okay, I understand if  you don’t want to throw your hand up in the air.  But, if you are a math geek, hidden or otherwise, you gotta watch this next video.  It’s pretty odd.

I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s movie marathon.  Please write and let me know what you thought.

 

Not sure that’s the best possible selling point to be advertising…

There is a really good joke resting there about environmentally conscious people rescuing a beached whale, but I’m way too considerate to even mention it.

 

Well, today’s Last Word is going to be another one that tends to piss people off.  At least I know it pissed me off.  So, let’s start with this essay posted on the American Thinker website.  You’ll be able to tell my comments…

Is it possible Obama is hoping to goad the GOP into impeaching him?

It is a confounding spectacle. The President of the United States faces a grave crisis in Iraq that threatens to undo the hard-won victory of his predecessor and flies off for a weekend of golf and fundraising in Palm Springs, blandly assuring the American people that his staff would prepare options for him to review in a couple of days. Our embassy in Baghdad, the world’s largest such outpost, studies evacuation plans bringing to mind the Fall of Saigon, while US contractors at an Iraqi military base may be trapped by the advancing forces of the Al Qaeda-inspired jihadists.  (You have no idea how much that chaps my ass!  That would be like me walking out in the middle of an incident or an exercise and saying I was going golfing, let me know how it works out on Monday!  How long do you think I would be employed if I did that?  I can tell you, I would be fired before I left the front gate and wouldn’t HAVE a job to come back to on Monday!  So how is it that the (supposed) head guy can do it.  There is (supposedly) no one better suited to take care of the problem then him.  This is where we need him the most and he’s going out of his way to fuck off?  We hired his ass, it’s time we fire it!)

Later that afternoon, the IRS explains to the American people that the potentially incriminating emails of its senior official who has taken the Fifth Amendment are somehow lost in a “computer crash,” as if there were not two parties to emails and no servers monitored by the NSA handled the transactions. It is a more blatant suppression of political scandal evidence than even President Nixon’s 18 minute gap in the White House tape recording system. (More people to fire.  I’m sorry.  I don’t think a government employee should be able to take the Fifth Amendment when it comes to answering questions on the performance of their job.  And as far as the lost email?  Bullshit!  Any sixth-grader could tell you that that many emails could not possibly have been lost from every single person who may have received them.  Throw the bullshit flag and throw them in jail until they tell the truth!)

Meanwhile, our southern border is wide open as the agents charged with protecting us from drug smugglers and suitcase nuke-carrying members of Al Qaeda (among other possible intruders) are busy changing diapers, vaccinating, and providing basic care for thousands upon thousands of children drawn here by the President’s promise to let children who make it across the border stay. (And who the heck said he could make that decision on his own?  He’s not the king, he’s the elected president!  How damn easy is it for terrorists to get into the country now that all the agents are busy?  Hmm, maybe it was done that way on purpose!  Of course he’ll deny that all the way to the mosque.)

Crisis upon crisis, and yet the president conspicuously enjoys his leisure with an insouciance (that means uncaring.  Yeah, I had to look it up.  Good word!) certain to raise the blood pressure of anyone who cares about the fate of the nation.  (That’d be us!)

I have to wonder if the man is hoping to goad his opponents into impeaching him. Such spectacular neglect of duty, fiddling as it were as the nation implodes, should infuriate the friends and relatives of our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines currently risking their lives in Afghanistan and elsewhere in our defense. As Iran moves steadily toward the nuclear Armageddon it openly seeks and the bulwark against it we fought for in Iraq collapses, President Obama makes clear he will not even disrupt his leisure activities to take action. And we have two and half years more of this ahead. (It’s so frustrating even reading this for the fourth of fifth time that I must have.  I’ve screamed twice in frustration and Mrs. Dragon is glaring at me telling me with her eyes that if I do it one more time that I’ll be sleeping in the dog house)

Perhaps Obama’s only political hope is to behave so flagrantly in defiance of his constitutional duties that his opponents are left with no other option than to pass articles of impeachment. That worked out very well indeed for Bill Clinton, and the playbook followed in the 1990s remains an option today. With the added advantage of being able to denounce his opponents as racists for impeaching the First Black President, it may in fact be an irresistible temptation for President Obama to use his pen and phone strategy and enact by executive fiat some more elements of the fundamental transformation he promised. Perhaps offering a categorical presidential pardon to violators of our border, for instance. Or announcing that the employer mandate of Obamacare will not be enforced for another year. Or two. (It worked out for Clinton because, from everything I read and went through during that time frame, the overall country thought that it would be worse for the country as a whole to impeach him, since he was doing a decent enough job of running the country.  He just wasn’t able to keep his dick in his pants and lied about it.  I don’t think the same thing will hold true for the king.  He’s not doing a decent job of running the country and he’s doing whatever the hell he wants to when he wants to the consequences be damned.  I hope the hell he is pushing for an impeachment, and I don’t give a rats ass in hell if he uses it to say that it’s prejudiced against the first black man in the Whitehouse (he isn’t really the first black man in the white house because he’s technically not black, but that’s a topic for another time) at least we wouldn’t have to put up with the next two and a half years allowing him to completely ruin this once great country!)

It is what should be a lazy summer weekend sandwiched between Memorial Day and Independence Day. And for the president enjoying golf in the luxurious environs of Palm Springs, perhaps it is. But for those of us who see our sovereignty crumbling to our south, a historic realignment in the Middle East tinderbox underway, and a rogue agency of the federal government acting with impunity to destroy evidence of suppression of the president’s opposition, it has the air of unreality. 

Complete and utter unreality.  Like a really bad version of the Twilight Zone.  I can even hear that amazing voice of Rod Serling coming across the speakers: “Picture if you will, a country filled with greedy, ignorant, lazy people who only think of themselves and elect, amongst them a man to be president who they think will make all their dreams come true.  But who is to say that this man has the same dreams and besides, things very rarely work out the way you expect, in the Twilight Zone.”

 

Before we get started on this week I  need to address 3 things.

1.) Last week there was apparently a glitch during uploading that didn’t come to light until after the issue published with regard to an opening banner and some planned remarks appearing. I can’t do anything about the opening banner but below are the remarks which were supposed to appear last week before the electrons responsible for getting the data to WordPress apparently decided on a work slowdown in retaliation foe being bent momentarily to my will:

2.) ! was very remiss in my comments during last weeks opening remarks and I’d like to correct that now.

In my rush to finish the issue and get it uploaded I neglected to thank all you those who commented for their kind words regarding the Memorial Day Issue. Each year we [I] try to make the issue new different and special from the year before plus just a little bit better. This has the unintentional result of raising the bar just a little bit higher every year and as a result the issue takes a little bit longer and is a little bit harder. For example this years issue draft was opened on April 15th and was not uploaded for autopublishing until 8 PM on the Saturday before because I had to start the next regular issue to make its publication deadline. The kudos for all the thought research and effort that go into such an issue are greatly appreciated as they make it seem that much more worth while, especially when I have to turn around almost immediately and open a draft file for Independence Day and start work.

So to those of you who posted public or private comments/praise my sincere thanks for your ‘attaboys’ they really mean a lot.

3>) I’d also like to express my thanks for the outpouring of kind words on the occasion of the anniversary of my full time association with the blog. Impish caught me flat footed with his tribute on Saturday. In truth I’ve been juggling a lot of things and very distracted lately so I was shocked & confused when I opened my email and saw those well wishes and went right to the blog to see what antics Impish was up to now. The fact of the anniversary had completely slipped my mind.

Now having cleared up all the old business and ‘made my manners’ as Molly’s Grandmother would say lets get down to the business of enjoying ourselves!

 

Australian Court Docket

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

When the case came up in court, the judge asked the man (who was about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, “Well, your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said,

‘The Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ‘Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, ‘William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself.

But, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident!’ ……I just lost it.”

“CASE DISMISSED!”  

No number? Huh? OMG! He means no U.N. / DOT Hazmat Code!
SOME ONE GET A HAZMAT TEAM UP HERE NOW!
And find out what idiot gave Impish Taco Bell and fire them!

 

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If ya don’t laugh at this one, check and see if ya got a pulse.  Begorrah!!!!!  I haven’t laughed so hard in a long long time.  Had to watch parts over as I was laughing so hard would miss some.

WARNING! Drinking hot beverages while watching this clip is NOT advised! Severe damage to electronic devices and your sinus cavity may result.

Two Old Ladies with Spray Glue

http://www.youtube.com/embed/tjJc8xLYhak

Maybe I should try that with Impish’s bathroom spray just to get even for the Hazmat event earlier in the issue!

 

 

 

Summer time and the end of school is here. Time for focusing on things that are fast easy and keep you out of the kitchen as much as possible or at least get you out of it as quickly as possible

Creamy Burger Bake

This family-friendly casserole is ready in less than an hour. Ground beef, creamy pasta sauce and tomatoes are topped with buttermilk biscuits and baked to golden brown deliciousness.

Prep 15 min.

Total 40 min.

Serves 6

What You’ll Need

1 1/2 pounds ground beef
1 jar (14.5 ounces) Prego® Homestyle Alfredo Sauce
1 medium tomato, chopped (about 1 cup)
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese or Cheddar cheese (about 4 ounces)
1 package (7.5 ounces) refrigerated buttermilk biscuits

How to Make It

• 1 Heat the oven to 400°F.
• 2 Cook the beef in a 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat, stirring often to separate meat.  Pour off any fat.
• 3 Stir in the sauce, tomato and Worcestershire and heat to a boil.  Reduce the heat to low.  Cook for 5 minutes.  Spoon the beef mixture into a 1 1/2-quart casserole.  Sprinkle with the cheese, if desired.  Arrange the biscuits on the beef mixture.
• 4 Bake for 10 minutes or until the biscuits are golden brown.

I sauté mushrooms with my ground beef, season with 1/2 a pkg of Onion or Beefy Onion Soup Mix, poultry seasoning & cracked black pepper once I have poured off the fat. You can substitute 1/2 a bag of frozen peas & carrots for the tomato or used a can of well drained diced Italian Style Tomatoes.

Most canned biscuits call for a 350 oven and 12 to 17 minutes baking I find while adding a little time this makes for a better biscuit. About 5 minutes before they are done I brush the tops with a little melted garlic butter and some freshly cracked black pepper. When the dish comes out I hit the tops of the biscuits with a little more Mozzarella and allow it to sit 5 minutes

Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies With Nutella Marshmallow Cream Cheese Filling

 

WARNING!

These cookies are

about as ADDICTIVE

as smoking

Crack Cocaine!

 

Ingredients

• 1 cup butter, room temperature
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1 cup white granulated sugar
• 1 cup peanut butter
• 2 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2½ cups all-purpose flour
• 1½ teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• ½ teaspoon salt
• For the filling:
• ½ cup cream cheese
• ½ cup marshmallow cream
• ½ cup Nutella

Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Place the butter and sugars in a large bowl and beat for several minutes until fluffy and pale in color. Add the peanut butter and beat for a few more seconds until combined. Add the eggs and vanilla and beat another few seconds until combined.
3. In a separate bowl, sift the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Add the flour mixture to the wet mixture and, using a rubber spatula, gently fold to combine. Be careful not to over-stir.
4. Form the dough into 1-inch balls and place them on a non-stick cookie sheet, pressing a grid pattern into them with a fork. Bake for 8-9 minutes.
5. Let the cookies cool on the cookie sheet for 3 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
6. For the filling:
7. Place the cream cheese, marshmallow cream and Nutella in a bowl and beat until combined.
8. Using a butter knife, spread the filling on the bottom side of one cookie and place another cookie on top.
9. Makes about 32 sandwich cookies.

No-Bake Oatmeal Chocolate Fudge Cookies

This no-bake oatmeal chocolate fudge cookie recipe is perfect for those warm days when you want cookies, but don’t want to turn on the oven. It also great when you just want some fast and delicious cookies!

 

 

Makes about 20 No-Bake Oatmeal Chocolate Fudge Cookies

 

3 cups Rolled oats
1 teaspoon Vanilla extract
1 cup Nuts, chopped (optional)
2 cups Sugar, granulated
1/2 cup Cocoa powder
1/2 cup Evaporated milk
1/4 lb Butter

Combine oats, vanilla and nuts in a bowl and set aside.

Combine sugar, cocoa and evaporated milk in a heavy, 2-quart sauce
Pan.

Bring to a full rolling boil over medium-high heat, STIRRING
CONSTANTLY. Let boil, while stirring, for 2 minutes.

Remove pan from heat and add the butter. Stir until butter is
Melted and incorporated.

Quickly add oat mixture to pan and stir until well mixed.

Drop by the spoonful onto waxed paper. Let cool for 2 hours to set.

Chocolate Peanut-Butter No Bake Cookies

Ingredients

2 cups sugar
4 tablespoons cocoa
1 stick butter
1/2 cup milk
1 cup peanut butter
1 tablespoon vanilla
3 cups oatmeal
Waxed paper

Directions

In a heavy saucepan bring to a boil, the sugar, cocoa, butter and milk. Let boil for 1 minute then add peanut butter, vanilla and oatmeal. On a sheet of waxed paper, drop mixture by the teaspoonful, until cooled and hardened.

 

 

The Most Legendary Cartoonist Alive Briefly Came Out Of Retirement And No One Even Noticed

Even if they’ve never read it, most people in America have heard of the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip series. 

Launched in the mid-80s, the strip was at its height published in more than 2,400 newspapers, reaching an audience of hundreds of millions. As of 2010, sales of Calvin and Hobbes books had neared 45 million.

But its creator, Bill Watterson, as is as mysterious as his comic strip is popular. The only known photo of him was taken nearly 30 years ago. According to lore, he wouldn’t even take a phone call from Steven Spielberg. He abruptly retired in 1995, and according to Stephan Pastis, creator of the “Pearls Before Swine” strip, not even other cartoonists interact with him. 

But in a new post on his blog, Pastis reveals he’s gotten the one-up on his colleagues: Watterson, it turns out,  was the author of the three recent “Pearls” strips.

Let me tell you. Just getting an email from Bill Watterson is one of the most mind-blowing, surreal experiences I have ever had. Bill Watterson really exists? And he sends email? And he’s communicating with me?

But he was. And he had a great sense of humor about the strip I had done, and was very funny, and oh yeah….

…He had a comic strip idea he wanted to run by me.

To strips would focus on a little girl, “Libby” (“Lib” is close to “Bill” backwards), who wants to take over the strip from Pastis’ “Pearls” avatar because she thinks his work isn’t good enough.

You can see the results below:

Wonder if we could talk Bill into drawing a new strip? Say one about the adventures of an aging Dragon who getting into all sorts of trouble and his Leprechaun keeper who has to bail him out all the time?

Kim Jong Un to weather forecasters: Get it right

North Korean leader reportedly says there are ‘too many incorrect’ forecasts

Author: By Sophie Brown CNN | Published On: Jun 12 2014 02:01:58 AM CDT

(CNN) – Don’t you hate it when the weatherman gets it wrong? Apparently, so does Kim Jong Un.

According to state-run newspaper Rodong Sinmun, the North Korean leader has been touring meteorological facilities in his country complaining that there are “too many incorrect” weather forecasts.

As further proof of the supreme leader’s extreme displeasure, the Rodong Sinmun report includes photos of a red-faced Kim chastising what appear to be sheepish meteorological personnel.

Talk about being one fortune short of a cookie! My inside sources tell me the glorious leader of the country also known as ‘Asburdistan’,  ‘Backazzwardia’ &/or ‘Headinrectumonia’ is currently looking for Mother Nature and Captain Planet to cuss them out for the part in his nations inability to predict their fickle whims just ass soon as his spies can find them.

Further intelligence indicates he’s interested in hacking DARPA to gain plans for his own H.A.A.R.P. weather machine. As well as kidnapping enough conspiracy theorists who believe in the programs weather control abilities to indoctrinate his gullible subjects in their wild theory thus making it possible for the system function solely on the power of misguided non-reality based belief alone just like his government.

WOW! Talk about being in the right place at the right time and with your camera not only pointed in the right direction but at the ready besides! One in a million shot! Wonder who wins?

 

 

No Parting Shot this week as I haven’t really had time to research or write one besides which Molly informed me it’s summer time and I cannot hole up all weekend reading and/or working on Leprechaun  Laughs. [It’s Sunday morning as I am writing this and she’s just returned from a mysterious store trip]

When I asked what else (besides Chillin & Grillin which I can accomplish while doing either or both of the other things) she had in mind she produced a picnic basket, jug of iced tea, suntan lotion and a bucket of bait. She told me I have 10 minutes to get my act together grab my fishing gear, be in the car and the only electronic devices I’m permitted are my phone and iPod.

What can I say? I’m taking her deal & you folks lose.  Is it fair? Probably not but I don’t think she meant it to be, rarely does she play fair when it comes to getting me to go places when its hot. Besides, the scenery at my favorite fishing hole is always so darned pretty-

see what I mean? Only 7 min left got to dash now!

Good Morning Campers!

Happy Saturday!

Gather round the campfire, grab a cup of the good stuff, a couple of donuts, a bagel or muffin or three and let’s get started!

We are spinning up for our Independence Day issue and 4th of July picnic and barbeque.  Since we had such problems during our Memorial Day Picnic, we are going to lay down a few ground rules for the 4th of July picnic. 

Yes, there will be baseball, horseshoes, badminton,  and the like, but, unlike last year, we will NOT be using magically enhanced baseballs and bats, Unicorn shoes or fairies as birdies for the badminton! 

The dwarves from printing are ready to defend their title in baseball from last year and Lethal is currently taking bets on all the sports competitions with really good odds based on past performance and insider information.

The highlight is undoubtedly going to be the Security vs. Secretarial full contact badminton challenge.  There’s a lot of good natured ribbing going on around the offices with Security leaving booby traps for the ladies in Secretarial and them sending the Security guys to seminars that don’t exist, with no return travel arrangements or 15 hour lay overs in Fargo, North Dakota.  Some good natured assassination attempts and missing paychecks and this is building to be a huge best of 7 match.  I can’t wait. 

So, let’s get this issue going!

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”

The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.”

St.Peter let him through the gate and then turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”

“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer and said, “Name them.”

Photography tip #112:  When posing your subjects, be sure you know where all their feet are.

Long gone are the days when cars are purely mechanical beasts that are wrangled by the driver down the highway.  Nowadays, the driver tells the computer what to do and the computer drives the car.  Well, there’s always a downside, and the downside to modern vehicular travel is that if it’s done by a computer, it can be hacked.  Don’t think so?  Watch this…

 

WOMEN ARE UNIQUE ….

Husband’s Message (by cellphone):

Honey, a car hit me near the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital.

They have been making tests and taking X-rays

The blow to my head has been very strong, fortunately it seems that did not cause any serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife’s Response:

 

Who the hell is Paula?

 

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A “DOG

PERSON” TO TRULY APPRECIATE THIS STORY

 

Stay

 

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows

to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,

“Now you stay. Do you hear me?”

“Stay! Stay!”

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said,

(this is going to hurt – read on)

“Why don’t you just put it in ‘Park’?”

 

 

 

 

Kim Komando on her website, www.komando.com, calls this the “Best 3 Minutes You’ll Spend Today”.  For me, I’d call it amazing.  You know how much I like the Piano Guys, well this is just as good and completely different than anything else you’ve heard before…unless, of course, you’re already a fan of the hang drum, in which case, this won’t be a big surprise to you…for me…it was pretty cool.  I hope you enjoy.

And then there’s this guy.  Same gear, but completely different from the young lady above.  I’m really intrigued with all of this.  I hope you enjoy it, too.

 

 

An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. “How did that happen?” gasped her mother.
“It wasn’t easy,” admitted the young lady, “but three girls helped me catch him.”

 

Ain’t that the truth.  This moron thinks that our financial problems in the United States will be solved by allowing MORE illegal aliens to cross the border.  In droves!  You gotta read it to believe it.  So, here it is:
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/jun/11/joe-biden-us-needs-constant-unrelenting-stream-imm/

Thanks to the Owl for this one.  And more truth has never been spoken.

 

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,
‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘that’s Michael, he’s a doctor.'”

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s dead.”

 

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, “Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood would run into it, and I should turn red in the face. Why is it, then, that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

A little fellow shouted, “Cause yer feet ain’t empty.”

 

Sadly, there’s way too much truth in that cartoon as well.  Kids today don’t know how to use their imaginations for anything anymore.  Sigh.  One of these days all us mythical creatures are going to die off simply because no one believes in us any more.

 

A brand new warning has just been issued from the DL&LL Electronic Media Conglomerate.  Directly from the desk of the Editor, Impish Dragon.  Here’s the warning, paraphrased to fit better in this issue:

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ICE is really bad for you!
Warn all your friends!

 

Well, we haven’t received a plethora of submissions for our new section.  In fact, we’ve received exactly one.  And I would be showing you this submission except it was from Tom who gave us the first submission.  So, I’ll tease you with the logo, give another shout-out for more submissions and see what happens next week.

 

Sadly, this is not going to be a new feature, simply because I’m not sure we could come up with these types of pictures on a regular basis.  So, this will be a mini-series…and when these amazing pictures are gone, they are gone.  if you have any photos that you think should be included in this series, please, send them my way.

Remember those pumpkin chuckers? Maybe this is the same type of thing.  Little red car chucker?  Well, do any of you have a better idea?

 

Okay, this guy was obviously standing on the very top and slipped inside and slid all the way to the bottom.  Easy right?  Okay, so maybe not easy, but I think we all agree that it’s pretty damn stupid!

Okay, I’m still going with someone with a big friggin’ slingshot sending little red cars through the air!

No net or anything!  These fire guys are just standing down there thinking, “Jump!  Jump!”  Bastards!

Dude!  Denny’s does NOT have a drive thru!

 

Impish Dragon is getting a bit on in age.  As a several centuries old blue dragon he is young by dragon standards, but his human form is getting a bit on in age.

“WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!” The dragon yelled into the phone.
The irate Impish calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where his Sunday edition was.

“Sir”, said the newspaper employee, “today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY”.
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as our dragon was heard to mutter, ..
…”Well,  that explains why no one was at church either.

 

 

Papa Dragon Most Senior’s home health remedies:

“For better digestion I drink beer,

in the case of appetite loss I drink white wine,
in the case of low blood pressure I drink red wine,
in the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch, 
and when I have a cold I drink schnapps.”

 

“When do you drink water?”

 

“I’ve never been that sick!”

Today’s Last Word is a celebration.  I waited to the very end to talk about this because I think it’s that important.

I want all of you to join me in wish Leprechaun Laffs a happy 4th Birthday!  Get your keyboards busy with lots of comments to the blog and personal e-mails to Lethal.  Let’s overwhelm him with good wishes and happy birthday cheer!

Leprechaun Laffs #1 debuted on 14 June 2010.  And last Wednesday our Lascivious Leprechaun published his 250th issue!  That is an amazing accomplishment!  Four years of entertaining the masses, harassing the dragons and chasing the female members of our mythical staff up and down the hallways and tunnels of our headquarters. 

He has brought an awful lot of clients our way and throws a heck of a bash and has bought light to a bunch of topics that we all agree needed to be dragged out of the shadows.  His passion and dedication to his ideals, his craft and the truth is undeniable.  We are truly blessed to have him on staff and on our side.

Thank you, my dear friend, for your efforts and your dedication, you are appreciated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone knows that in advertising the competition is very fierce;
so the Germans came up with an ad for German autos…

The French auto makers: Citroen, Renault, and Peugeot soon replied
with their own add campaign!

Here it is!

A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance had gone out of their marriage.

“Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?” she asked.

Yeah,” he replied, “But be fair, you were only eleven at the time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Spot on Calvin. Spot. On. They’d probably have better luck with the Chimps. Oh, right. Stanley Kubrick, 2001, the Obelisk-they’ve been here, done that and look how we turned out.

A bather whose clothing was strewed,
By winds that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along,
And unless we are wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.

There was a young lass from Australia
Who painted her ass like a Dahlia
The shape it was fine
And the color divine
But the aroma–well, that was a faihlia

There was a young lady named Kite
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She left home one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

I once took our vicar to tea;
It was just as I thought it would be:
His rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me.

A gourmet dining at Crewe
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one, too.”

Onere once was a slimmer named Steen
Who grew so phenomenally lean
And flat, and compressed,
That his back touched his chest,
So that sideways he couldn’t be seen.

A young schizophrenic named Struther,
Who learned of the death of his Brother,
Said, “I know that its bad,
But I don’t feel too sad.
After all, I still have each other.”

The incredible Wizard of Oz
Retired from his business becoz
due to up-to-date science,
To most of his clients,
He wasn’t the Wizard he woz.

There was an old gent from Hyde
Who ate rotten apples and died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside his inside.

Said an ape as he swung by his tail,
To his offspring both female and male,
“From your offspring, my dears,
In a couple of years,
They evolve a professor at Yale.”

God’s plan made a hopeful beginning,
But Man spoilt his chances by sinning;
We trust that the story
Will end in great glory,
But at present the other side’s winning.

Said an envious, erudite ermine,
“There’s one thing I cannot determine:
When a girl wears my coat,
She’s a person of note.
When I wear it, I’m called only vermin.”

There was a young lady named Rose
Who had a large wart on her nose.
When she had it removed
Her appearance improved,
But her glasses slipped down to her toes.

An elderly man called Keith
Mislaid his set of false teeth –
They’d been laid on a chair,
He’d forgot they were there,
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.

There’s a wonderful family called Stein:
There’s Gert and there’s Ep and there’s Ein.
Gert’s poems are bunk,
Ep’s statues are junk,
And no one can understand Ein.

Beer & Pizza not your thing? (We’ll ignore the sex is not your thing possibility and just as if its so your in the wrong damned blog – GET OUT!)  If so we’ve still got you covered!

 

Baked Picante Chicken

Spicy south-of-the-border flavors are featured when chicken breasts are baked in a picante sauce and topped with crunchy tortilla chips and melted Cheddar cheese.

Prep 5 min.

Total 35 min.

Serves 6

 

 

What You’ll Need

6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves (about 1 1/2 pounds)
1 jar (16 ounces)  Picante Sauce
1/4 cup crushed tortilla chips
2 ounces shredded Cheddar cheese (about 1/2 cup)

How to Make It

• 1 Place the chicken into a 3-quart shallow baking dish. Pour the picante sauce over the chicken.
• 2 Bake at 350°F. for 25 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through.
• 3 Stir the sauce in the dish and spoon over the chicken. Sprinkle the chicken with the tortilla chips and cheese. Bake until the cheese is melted.

Mini Tacos

These little taco-flavored treats in wonton crusts make mouthwatering, family-favorite appetizers.

Prep 20 min.

Total 25 min.

Serves 24

 

 

What You’ll Need

24 wonton wrappers
1 pound lean ground beef
1 package (about 1 ounce) taco seasoning mix
3/4 cup Chunky Salsa
1 cup shredded Mexican cheese blend (about 4 ounces)
Sour cream (optional)
Sliced pitted ripe olives (optional)

How to Make It

• 1 Heat the oven to 425°F.  Press the wonton wrappers into 24 (1 1/2-inch) mini muffin-pan cups.
• 2 Cook the beef in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat until well browned, stirring often to separate meat. Pour off any fat. Stir in the taco seasoning mix and 1/4 cup salsa.
• 3 Spoon the beef mixture into the wonton cups. Top with the remaining salsa and the cheese.
• 4 Bake for 5 minutes or until the wontons are golden brown and the cheese is melted.
• 5 Top with the sour cream and olives, if desired.

 

Orange Buttermilk Cake with Orange Cream Cheese Frosting

The buttermilk cuts down on fat while adding a refreshing tang and creating a moist and tender crumb.  Two whole tablespoons of fresh orange zest are nestled within the cake and the cream cheese frosting incorporates freshly squeezed orange juice and orange marmalade.  Can you spell d.i.v.i.n.e.?

Before we get started, let me also add that you can make three alternative versions of this cake:  Lemon, Lime, and Grapefruit.  Simply substitute the zest, juice, and marmalade accordingly.

Ingredients

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1½ teaspoon baking powder
• ¼ teaspoon salt
• 2 large eggs, at room temperature
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup buttermilk
• ½ teaspoon vanilla extract
• Zest of one orange (just a little over 1 tablespoon)
• ¼ cup butter, melted and cooled to room temperature
• For the frosting
• 4 oz. cream cheese, softened
• 4 tablespoons butter, at room temperature
• 2 tablespoons orange marmalade
• 1 tablespoon fresh orange juice
• ½ teaspoon vanilla extract
• ½ teaspoon orange extract
• 2 cups powdered sugar

Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Sift the flour, baking powder and salt in a small bowl. Set aside.
3. In a large bowl, add the sugar and eggs and whisk until combined. Add the orange zest, vanilla extract and buttermilk and whisk until combined. Add the cooled melted butter and whisk to combine. Add the flour and carefully whisk until just combined, being careful not to over-whisk.
4. Prepare a 9×2 inch round baking pan  line the bottom with parchment paper or foil and butter the top of the lining and the sides of the pan.
5. Pour the batter into the pan, smooth the top with a rubber spatula, and bake for 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.
6. Allow the cake to cool in the pan for 30 minutes before inverting it onto a wire rack and allowing it to cool completely.
7. To make the frosting: Combine the first 6 ingredients and beat with a mixer until combined and smooth. Add the powdered sugar and beat until combined and smooth.
8. Cut the cake in half. Spread some orange marmalade on the bottom half. Spread ¼ of the cream cheese frosting on top of the marmalade. Invert the top half of the cake and place it on top of the bottom layer. Frost the cake with the remaining cream cheese frosting.

 

Airlines look for ways to swiftly adopt aircraft tracking system

By Victoria Bryan and Siva Govindasamy

DOHA (Reuters) – Mystified by the loss of Malaysian jetliner MH370, some airlines will not wait for an industry wide solution to keeping track of their aircraft flights in real time, provided products are offered at the right price, industry executives said on Monday.

The disappearance of Malaysian Airline Systems’ flight MH370 almost three months ago has prompted calls for real-time tracking of planes and even continuous streaming of black box data.

“It must not happen again,” Tony Tyler, director general of the International Air Transport Association (IATA) said at its annual meeting in Doha on Monday.

IATA, which brings together over 200 airlines accounting for 84 percent of the world’s air traffic, is planning to put aircraft tracking proposals to the UN’s International Civil Aviation Organization (ICAO) in September, which in turn says a standard could be in place in two to three years.

<truncated for brevity see link above for complete article>

COST CONTROL

For airlines though, a big issue will be ensuring costs for any technology do not spiral out of control, given the industry’s already tight profit margins.

IATA said on Monday its airlines would collectively make a profit of $18 billion this year, cutting its forecast from a previous estimate of $18.7 billion in March. That would equate to a net profit margin of 2.4 percent, compared with 1.5 percent in 2013.

“If it is prohibitively expensive we have to see where the cost benefit is,” Andrew Herdman, director-general of the Association of Asia Pacific Airlines told Reuters.

“It is not a question of affordability, that is the wrong way of thinking of it in terms of individual airlines. But if it makes sense, the cost is not the issue.”

Airline executives at the IATA meeting told Reuters that ultimately costs would be passed onto passengers, rather than governments.

Let’s see if I got this straight now. Some Asian 3rd world backwater wing and a prayer airline put up a plane Orville & Wilbur would have deemed not flight worthy and flew a long distance over water route while they cut financial corners when it came to safety. Now because of this I get to pay more for my next airline seat because some bleeding heart liberals want the airlines to Big Brother every plane in the entire world despite an $18 BILLION profit by the industry? Have I got that right in a nutshell?

We in the US don’t suffer from Malaysian Mismanaged Disappearing Plane Syndrome, so why should their cutting safety corners in pursuit of the almighty Ringgit (their version of the dollar) and Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak bungling a search for it badly and repeatedly force me to pay more for a ticket? I’m sick and tired of having no choice or say in footing the bill for all these 3rd world calamities. Personally I’m starting to think the 3rd world has adopted a page for Peter Seller’s ‘The Mouse Who Roared’ movie [gratuitous movie reference explained here]. Essentially just blundering on knowing that sooner or later their national stock pile of bio-organic waste is going to hit the International Fan and they’ll wind up with piles of free money and supplies paid for by others with no connection to them to band aid what they couldn’t afford to do right in the first place but wouldn’t be deterred from doing consequences and responsibility be damned.

[Thanks to Impish for giving me the base graphic of the PRISM Logo and the warning to work with]

Good Morning Campers!

Time for another issue of your favorite e-zine, blog, laugh fest, whatever the heck you want to call it. 

I’m finally recovered from our Memorial Day weekend.  Mostly.  The last of the unconscious stragglers have been removed from the fountain, the last corpse has been buried, the last orgy has been hosed off and sent packing.  What a huge success this year was.  But, enough about that.

Today’s issue is jam-packed full of stuff for you to laugh at, get  pissed off at and generally have an enjoyable read with your morning coffee. 

I’d like to say a special good morning to Diaman, since I know she will be reading this at 2 am when it first gets published, she’s very special that way.  Hope your day is full of laughter, sweetie!  And for the rest of us who won’t see this until later…

Why men don’t vacuum:

I have to ask if this next one is true or not, Dad?

Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10 cents.”

They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.

In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, “That’s 10 cents each, please.”

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can’t believe their
good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying,”That’s 40 cents, please.”

They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They’ve each had two martinis and haven’t even spent a dollar yet. 

Finally one of them says, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?”

“I’m a retired tailor from Phoenix ,” the bartender says, “and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it’s all the same.”

“Wow! That’s some story!” one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can’t help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they’ve been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, “What’s with them?”

The bartender says, “They’re retired people from Florida.They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price, plus they all have coupons.”

Okay Dad, I’ll wait for your reply.

Do you guys remember the old Coyote and Roadrunner cartoons?  Did you know that they are still being made with computer graphics?  Now, if you’re like me, you’re saying, “It’s not the same.  Those were CLASSICS!” And you’d be right.  But it’s still funny and it’s still good.  Watch and find out.

And here’s another one.  Oh, and by the way, ignore the bit at the end.  I guess it’s what we’ve got to put up with sometimes to see the good stuff.

I was going to put an old school Roadrunner/Coyote video here, but then I thought…nah…they’re all 20 minutes or so long, I’ll let you go find them yourselves.

I love sailing!  Can’t wait until Wheats and I can go out and do some.  Even in my dragon form, I love sailing as you can see from this picture taken last summer on the Atlantic coast.  Great fun!

 

Here’s another video thanks to Ginny.  She gave us the Roadrunner one earlier.  I forgot to mention that.  Maybe because I spent so much time with this guy…

Amen sister!  This is a picture of Lethal’s girl Friday…well, yes, her name really is Friday and she’s his right hand…er..um… girl.  Yeah, whatever.  I haven’t had enough friggin’ coffee yet either, so give me a break if I’m not as eloquent as you’re used to.

 

 

Completely and totally wrong!  Wrong, wrong, wrong!  But funny as hell!!!

I had just come out of the store with two porterhouse steaks, a jumbo sausage, a bag of chips, and a 6-pack of beer. A homeless man sat there and said, “I haven’t eaten for two days.”

I told him, “I wish I had your f**king will power.”

Top tip: if you’re camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it’s so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it’s not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. Wish me luck…..I appear in court next Monday.

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself “fat chance with a face like that!”

I have a new pick up line that works every time! It doesn’t matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and always end up in bed with them. Here’s how it goes, “Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?”

Years ago it was suggested ‘that an apple a day kept the doctor away.’ But since many doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works best.

Here’s a very interesting observation sent to us by Hank:

INTERESTING OBSERVATION…

During the 3-1/2 years of World War 2 that started with the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor in December 1941 and ended with the Surrender of Germany and Japan in 1945, the U.S. produced 22 aircraft carriers, 8 battleships, 48 cruisers, 349 destroyers, 420 destroyer escorts, 203 submarines, 34 million tons of merchant ships, 100,000 fighter aircraft, 98,000 bombers, 24,000 transport aircraft, 58,000 training aircraft, 93,000 tanks, 257,000 artillery pieces, 105,000 mortars, 3,000,000 machine guns, and 2,500,000 military trucks.

We put 16.1 million men in uniform in the various armed services, invaded Africa, invaded Sicily and Italy, won the battle for the Atlantic, planned and executed D-Day, marched across the Pacific and Europe, developed the atomic bomb, and ultimately conquered Japan and Germany.

It’s worth noting that during the almost exact amount of time, the Obama administration couldn’t build a web site.

Okay, so you may have noticed that not only is it time to be socially incorrect, it’s time to be politically incorrect.  Here’s a couple of zingers aimed at the administration.  Are they funny because they’re true or should we be crying instead of laughing…

Oh my God!  Just check out the look on her face!  That really and truly says it all!!!

 

Here’s my To Do List for next week:  I REALLY like #6 and #8!!!

I’m pretty sure that Lethal sent me this one from his house.  No…not the next one, the one with the puzzle.  Geez!  You think he’d let a monkey get away with taking the last banana?  Come on!

Areport says the number of elderly people in the U.S. will double by 2050.

There will be so few young people that by then 126 year old Hugh Hefner

will actually have to start dating women over 30.

Yeah, I know…that one was pretty bad.  Sorry.

Ain’t that the truth!  Especially if you’re reading stuff from Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs Electronic Media, LLC.

How much is a billion?  How rich is Bill Gates?  This video answers both of those questions in a funny and poignant fashion.

Thanks to Kim Komando’s website for that video, but she goes on to say:

We all know Bill Gates is the richest man in the world – his net worth is $77.5 billion. You don’t need Neil deGrasse Tyson to tell you that.

But just how rich is he? So rich, he could buy all of the 114,212 homes in Boston at $76.6 billion. But he’s not rich enough to buy all the homes is Seattle – only the Walton family of Wal-Mart fame could buy that entire city. Seattle has roughly 241,450 homes which would cost a cool $111.5 billion.

What tech billionaire could buy your city?

• Larry Page of Google – worth $30.8 billion – could buy Boca Raton, Florida, for $29.5 billion
• Jeff Bezos of Amazon – worth $30.5 billion – could buy Napa, California, for $29.5 billion
• Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook – worth $27.7 billion – could buy Saint Paul, Minnesota, for $26.8 billion
• Steve Ballmer of Microsoft – worth $20.4 billion – could buy Littleton, Colorado, for $20 billion
• Paul Allen of Microsoft – worth $15.9 billion – could buy Durham, North Carolina, for $15.8 billion
• Elon Musk of Tesla Motors – worth $8.8 billion – could buy Centreville, Virginia ,for $8.8 billion

See the fun info graphic below for more.

How about the towns and cities where you live?  Who could buy yours?  Well for me, and my little town of Peru, IN, any lineman from the Green Bay Packers could pick this place up and have enough left over to buy the next closest 3 towns. 

No kidding!  She got funnels under there, or what?

That’s actually pretty cool!  And probably quite buoyant!

If you feel the need, I guess there’s insurance for everything.

How about a new feature?  Let’s visit different places around the world care of your descriptions and photographs.  I don’t care where you get your information or pictures from, but you should make it interesting, a couple of paragraphs long, and have some pictures.  We can call it our Travelogue. 

And today’s Travelogue is from Tom in Oregon…

Thanks Tom!

America’s largest sea cave was created by nature beginning about 25 million years ago. It’s called Sea Lion Caves and is located near Florence on the Oregon coast. The cave is around 12 stories deep and the size of a football field. It is not a zoo. It’s the natural home of sea lions and a large assortment of other coastal creatures. Captain William Cox discovered the cave in 1880 and was stranded there for a time while he was forced to dine on the meat from sea lion flippers to survive.

When I first visited the attraction as youngster, there was a half-mile trail and 250 stairs leading to the cave. The cost was a mere 25 cents. Today the fee is $14.00 but young children can enter for free. In 1961 an elevator was installed. It descends at a rate of 250 feet per minute and carries 23 people at a time allowing 400 visitors per hour.

It smells like ocean down there and is very damp and kind dark in spots. Noisy at times too from the waves that constantly come in and wash the cave clean. A true example of how nature is working!

 

                                                   

 

 

Yesterday was the 70th Anniversary of D-Day. The desire to compare the heroes of then with the heroes of today and how they are shamefully being treated by the VA was almost more than I could bear, but I didn’t.  But I did want to show you this amazing clip, again curtosey of our dear friend Kim Komando…
Jock Hutton was just 19 years old when he parachuted behind enemy lines in northern France. Now, 70 years later, he’s commemorating that fateful day by doing something incredible. Watch what he did now.

More incredible wisdom from Dad…or as Lethal likes to call him Papa Dragon Most Senior.  Thanks for these great insights, dad…

As I have grown  older :.

                    I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is  impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of  cake.

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex  anymore..
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by  the woman’s husband.

Lance  Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how  everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after
what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races,  while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn’t even find my damn  bike.

Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t  take my TV, just the remote.
Now he drives by and changes the channels.
Sick bastard!

The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I  stopped in to visit my aging friend.
He was busy covering his  penis with black shoe  polish.
I said to him, “You better get your hearing checked –  You’re                     supposed to turn your clock back”.

VIDEO SCAM
Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD  entitled “My Favorite 18 Holes”.
Turns out it’s all about golf. Absolute waste of  money!
Pass this on so others don’t get scammed.

Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, “do you know who the  father is?”
“Hey dumb ass, if you ate a can of beans would you  know which one made you  fart?”

Before we get started with the Last Word, I want to visit the Last 2 Last Words and touch on the VA one more time…see if you can catch what I mean with this video from George Carlin.  You’ll here it right there at the end…You’ll see it… so, here we go, one more time>

This is the header that Lethal made for me that I missed using last week, so I get to use it here

Beautiful, right?  Thanks my friend.
Here’s the video

But today’s Last Word starts with an article sent to me by Papa Dragon Most Senior…

Some years ago, the University of Nebraska asked our firm to help build a crowd for a debate between William Rusher, the publisher of the conservative National Review Magazine, and Nat Hentoff, of the liberal The Village Voice.
While William Rusher and William F. Buckley, Jr. and National Review, were already familiar, it was only necessary to read a few back issues of The Village Voice to understand that Nat Hentoff was (and is) one of the world’s most articulate liberals. We filled the auditorium; however, we didn’t know what to expect. Would the debaters be civil or uncivil?
More than civil, they listened respectfully to what the other had to say. The audience was treated to the best ideas that both conservatism and liberalism had to offer in an atmosphere of respect and even genuine friendship between the two icons of their differing points of view.
Unfortunately, in April, 2012, Mr. Rusher went to his Eternal rest. Fortunately, Mr. Hentoff is still with us and continues to give voice to liberal causes. But what brings this particular column about is that Mr. Hentoff, the consummate left-winger, has just called for the impeachment of President Obama, saying that Mr. Obama is the most dangerous and destructive president ever and is far worse than Mr. Hentoff’s former target, President Richard Nixon.
Mr. Hentoff says Mr. Obama has thrown the U.S. Constitution under the bus and is ruling as a dictator. As evidence, Hentoff cites Mr. Obama’s delay of the employer mandate in ObamaCare, the changing of types of plans available under ObamaCare, ignoring our immigrations laws, refusing to deport illegal immigrants, enacting stricter gun-control measures without Congressional legislation, sealing his presidential records, creating government offices and Czars without authorization, and changing the pay grades of selected federal employees without authority.
For some work-a-day Americans, these burrs under Mr. Hentoff’s saddle might seem insignificant; however, one of conservatism’s leading voices, St. John’s University Professor M. Northrup Buechner, writing in Forbes Magazine on November 19, 2013, saysMr. Obama’s unlawful actions could lead to a troubling scenario: “A Republican Congress is elected and repeals ObamaCare over a Democrat President’s veto. The President refuses to enforce the repeal. The Supreme Court rules that the President’s refusal is unconstitutional. The President denounces the ruling and refuses to be bound by it.
“If the President persists in rejecting all authority other than his own, the Dénouement [outcome] would depend on the side taken by the Armed Forces…”
Writing in The Washington Times on November 12, 2013, Commander J.D. Gordon, USN (Ret.), a former Pentagon spokesman, says “…every week since President Obama took office, we’ve been hearing that another top leader has been summarily fired, despite decades of loyal service and valuable experience protecting the nation. Statistically speaking, it’s actually closer to one every 8.8 days, a staggering 200 military brass shown the door in less than five years.
Thus, one wonders if this Stalin-like purge of generals and admirals is a precautionary step taken by Mr. Obama in advance of a descent into the darkness of a Constitutional crisis.
“Fasten your seat belts, this is going to be a bumpy flight.”

I thought that this was a very interesting, VERY scary possibility.  And as you all know by now, Lethal and I bounce a LOT of stuff off each other, so I forwarded it to him with only the lightest of inquiries.  All I said was:

Tell me your thoughts on this….

Well, I got a lot more than I bargained for.  This is his reply.

OK I managed to locate the source material for this and to my very great surprise there IS actually a signed authorship source material.

   

William Hamilton <http://www.central-view.com/author.asp>, J.D. and Ph.D., is a nationally syndicated columnist, educated at the University of
Oklahoma, the George Washington University, the U.S Naval War College, the University of Nebraska, and Harvard University. He served 20 years on
active duty as an infantry officer, followed by two years of duty with the U.S. Air Force. Among the military awards he received are the Silver Star,
Legion of Merit, Distinguished Flying Cross, Bronze Stars (4), and a Purple Heart.

 CENTRAL VIEW for Monday, January 27, 2014  <source material location.

Thoughts (no order)

1.) Disturbs me that;

a.) That (presumably author provided) thumbnail. bio is ALL the info you find on him even when you Google him

 

b.) That given his awards there is nothing on him anyplace military wise I could find (I know that holds true for me as well but that was Uncle Sam’s deliberate intention for me)

 

c.) Despite carrying the line ‘©1999-2014. American Press Syndicate’ and his allegedly being a ‘Nationally Syndicated Columnist’ this obviously provocative and inflaming piece was not picked up by a single solitary newspaper or news network from what my search shows unless you count the Huffington Post. Even given the media’s Liberal bias I would still think this would get play SOMEPLACE.

 

2.) I find it damned odd that I could not find the alleged actual author of these comments Nat Hentoff saying exactly what it is claimed he is saying here despite my searching.

Granted I see some of it here and some of it there and the inferences are there, but no smoking pen no flaming handwriting on the wall.

 

3.) I strongly suspect that actions by Obama as suggested here would result in Congress Impeaching him as his actions would violate his oath of office and be in direct Constitutional conflict with Congress’s authority. I see the 1st as evidence of ‘high crimes & misdemeanors’  and the 2nd as an act untenable to Congress, even the liberals. Further given that the polls largely still show Americans as against Obamacare I suspect civil disobedience on a large scale with regard to Obamacare’s enactment, possibly extending even to the business world’s refusing to pay for it.

 

4.) The 1878 Posse Comitatus Act, as modified in 1981, ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posse_Comitatus_Act ) prohibits members of the military from exercising powers that maintain “law and order” on non-federal property. What it does is set a high bar for the use of federal troops in a policing role. That reflects America’s traditional distrust of using standing armies to enforce order at home. This would weigh heavily in any decision by anyone military or elected federal official. Consider:

 

a.) What role exactly is the military playing and how? Using the military to enforce the law or enforce Congressional repeal of the law clearly violates the Posse Comitatus Act as said enforcement in either direction would likely require actions off federal property. Violation of the act is under the UCMJ an indictable offense that at minimum would require an Article 32 hearing and would in all likelihood lead to a court marshal and in my opinion possible further charges up to and including treason. This would be true for every officer and soldier involved. Additionally the civilian authorities who ordered such actions would incontrovertibly be guilty of violating a Federal Law, probably subjected to impeachment if not forced to do the expedient thing and resign plus the very real possibility of a civil trail in Federal court and imprisonment. We’re clearly talking career suicide for all involved here as I doubt Biden would be passing around get out of jail free Presidential Pardons for those involved as that oo would set a bad precedent.

 

b.) If the 25th amendment were to be invoked (under the assumption that the POTUS had to be batshit crack smoking crazy to attempt such actions) and the military pressed into service to remove him this again becomes a Gordian knot of ugly precedent(s) with regard to the military’s involvement in what is primarily a legal/rule of Constitutional law matter despite the presumption that any action they took would be within the West Wing and therefore technically not in violation od the Posse Comitatus Act. In my opinion the Capitol Police, FBI &/or Secret Service would be better suited to this task as their doing so would paint a far less Military Coup like picture to the American Public at large (let’s ignore for them moment what all of this would do to the perception of America abroad and the further damage on our reputation and image on the international front Obama would have succeeded in causing) as armed federal troop in our streets are the stuff of Orwellian nightmares every American fears.

 

In summation, while obviously not totally outside the realm of possibility (sadly, little is these days) I think this scenario makes a better movie  or novel pitch than as a potential actual future occurrence for the specific logic & reasons cited

Nice, right?  He saw into it much deeper than I had and took it from a very emotional issue (for me) to a very logical and legal issue.  We discussed it some on the phone, but didn’t go much further than what you see in front of me.  My response to his reply:

Thanks for the feedback.  I deeply appreciate your input into this and you have done a great deal to help me see other possibilities.  I wasn’t as concerned as who said it as the possibility of it coming to pass and being a viable, if somewhat remote, possibility.  I can see how you are correct in that it would be very difficult to pull off.

But you brought to light another question for me.  What happens if he’s impeached and refuses to go?  Does the secret service or the capital police come and drag him off in handcuffs?  Just a thought and what a great photo op that would be!

Thank you my friend.  I appreciate you for being there to help bounce ideas off of. 

As I said, we do bounce ideas off each other all the time.  Both ways.  (This gives you a little more insight into the inner workings of our blog, as well.)

His final response follows:

I asked myself the same question(s) but after 20 minutes could find zero information on such a possibility. I would think stripping him of his authority would render him just a former (disgraced) has been and he might get treated as such and helped to pack up and leave. The place is not w/o security staff in sensitive areas that would then work to his detriment instead of benefit

What do you think?  What are the possibilities in the time he has left to pull of some crazy stunt?  He just did the same damn thing with the prisoner exchange, didn’t give congress a chance to even express an opinion.  He’s broken the law so many times that by now I’m sure he’s convinced that the law doesn’t apply to him or that the law is what HE says it is.  And in all honesty, why shouldn’t he feel that way?  We’ve (the American people in their elected representatives) have let him get away with this bullshit time and time again.  We’ve let him break laws, let him push his agenda down our throats so many times, why should he bother stopping now?

 

It’s just a matter of time as I gaze into my crystal coffee cup

I see a difficult time still ahead for our little project in democracy.  Please my fellow campers, get out there and vote this election in November.  Get a congress and a senate that will work FOR us.  Not for themselves.  Not for their own pockets.  Not for some self-appointed king of America.

Have a great rest of the weekend.