Leprechaun Laughs #250 for Wednesday June 11th


 

 

 

 

 

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Everyone knows that in advertising the competition is very fierce;
so the Germans came up with an ad for German autos…

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The French auto makers: Citroen, Renault, and Peugeot soon replied
with their own add campaign!

Here it is!

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A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance had gone out of their marriage.

“Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?” she asked.

Yeah,” he replied, “But be fair, you were only eleven at the time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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And Here is the Proof!

 

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Spot on Calvin. Spot. On. They’d probably have better luck with the Chimps. Oh, right. Stanley Kubrick, 2001, the Obelisk-they’ve been here, done that and look how we turned out.

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Piquant Poems & Puns

A bather whose clothing was strewed,
By winds that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along,
And unless we are wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.

There was a young lass from Australia
Who painted her ass like a Dahlia
The shape it was fine
And the color divine
But the aroma–well, that was a faihlia

There was a young lady named Kite
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She left home one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

I once took our vicar to tea;
It was just as I thought it would be:
His rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me.

A gourmet dining at Crewe
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one, too.”

Onere once was a slimmer named Steen
Who grew so phenomenally lean
And flat, and compressed,
That his back touched his chest,
So that sideways he couldn’t be seen.

A young schizophrenic named Struther,
Who learned of the death of his Brother,
Said, “I know that its bad,
But I don’t feel too sad.
After all, I still have each other.”

The incredible Wizard of Oz
Retired from his business becoz
due to up-to-date science,
To most of his clients,
He wasn’t the Wizard he woz.

There was an old gent from Hyde
Who ate rotten apples and died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside his inside.

Said an ape as he swung by his tail,
To his offspring both female and male,
“From your offspring, my dears,
In a couple of years,
They evolve a professor at Yale.”

God’s plan made a hopeful beginning,
But Man spoilt his chances by sinning;
We trust that the story
Will end in great glory,
But at present the other side’s winning.

Said an envious, erudite ermine,
“There’s one thing I cannot determine:
When a girl wears my coat,
She’s a person of note.
When I wear it, I’m called only vermin.”

There was a young lady named Rose
Who had a large wart on her nose.
When she had it removed
Her appearance improved,
But her glasses slipped down to her toes.

An elderly man called Keith
Mislaid his set of false teeth –
They’d been laid on a chair,
He’d forgot they were there,
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.

There’s a wonderful family called Stein:
There’s Gert and there’s Ep and there’s Ein.
Gert’s poems are bunk,
Ep’s statues are junk,
And no one can understand Ein.


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Beer & Pizza not your thing? (We’ll ignore the sex is not your thing possibility and just as if its so your in the wrong damned blog – GET OUT!If so we’ve still got you covered!

Music, Sex & Cookies or as Impish Calls It- ‘My standing 2 O’clock ’

 

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Baked Picante Chicken

Spicy south-of-the-border flavors are featured when chicken breasts are baked in a picante sauce and topped with crunchy tortilla chips and melted Cheddar cheese.

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Prep 5 min.

Total 35 min.

Serves 6

 

 

What You’ll Need

6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves (about 1 1/2 pounds)
1 jar (16 ounces)  Picante Sauce
1/4 cup crushed tortilla chips
2 ounces shredded Cheddar cheese (about 1/2 cup)

How to Make It

  • 1 Place the chicken into a 3-quart shallow baking dish. Pour the picante sauce over the chicken.
  • 2 Bake at 350°F. for 25 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through.
  • 3 Stir the sauce in the dish and spoon over the chicken. Sprinkle the chicken with the tortilla chips and cheese. Bake until the cheese is melted.

Mini Tacos

These little taco-flavored treats in wonton crusts make mouthwatering, family-favorite appetizers.

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Prep 20 min.

Total 25 min.

Serves 24

 

 

What You’ll Need

24 wonton wrappers
1 pound lean ground beef
1 package (about 1 ounce) taco seasoning mix
3/4 cup Chunky Salsa
1 cup shredded Mexican cheese blend (about 4 ounces)
Sour cream (optional)
Sliced pitted ripe olives (optional)

How to Make It

  • 1 Heat the oven to 425°F.  Press the wonton wrappers into 24 (1 1/2-inch) mini muffin-pan cups.
  • 2 Cook the beef in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat until well browned, stirring often to separate meat. Pour off any fat. Stir in the taco seasoning mix and 1/4 cup salsa.
  • 3 Spoon the beef mixture into the wonton cups. Top with the remaining salsa and the cheese.
  • 4 Bake for 5 minutes or until the wontons are golden brown and the cheese is melted.
  • 5 Top with the sour cream and olives, if desired.

 

Orange Buttermilk Cake with Orange Cream Cheese Frosting

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The buttermilk cuts down on fat while adding a refreshing tang and creating a moist and tender crumb.  Two whole tablespoons of fresh orange zest are nestled within the cake and the cream cheese frosting incorporates freshly squeezed orange juice and orange marmalade.  Can you spell d.i.v.i.n.e.?

Before we get started, let me also add that you can make three alternative versions of this cake:  Lemon, Lime, and Grapefruit.  Simply substitute the zest, juice, and marmalade accordingly.

Ingredients

  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1½ teaspoon baking powder
  • ¼ teaspoon salt
  • 2 large eggs, at room temperature
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 cup buttermilk
  • ½ teaspoon vanilla extract
  • Zest of one orange (just a little over 1 tablespoon)
  • ¼ cup butter, melted and cooled to room temperature
  • For the frosting
  • 4 oz. cream cheese, softened
  • 4 tablespoons butter, at room temperature
  • 2 tablespoons orange marmalade
  • 1 tablespoon fresh orange juice
  • ½ teaspoon vanilla extract
  • ½ teaspoon orange extract
  • 2 cups powdered sugar

Instructions

  1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
  2. Sift the flour, baking powder and salt in a small bowl. Set aside.
  3. In a large bowl, add the sugar and eggs and whisk until combined. Add the orange zest, vanilla extract and buttermilk and whisk until combined. Add the cooled melted butter and whisk to combine. Add the flour and carefully whisk until just combined, being careful not to over-whisk.
  4. Prepare a 9×2 inch round baking pan  line the bottom with parchment paper or foil and butter the top of the lining and the sides of the pan.
  5. Pour the batter into the pan, smooth the top with a rubber spatula, and bake for 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.
  6. Allow the cake to cool in the pan for 30 minutes before inverting it onto a wire rack and allowing it to cool completely.
  7. To make the frosting: Combine the first 6 ingredients and beat with a mixer until combined and smooth. Add the powdered sugar and beat until combined and smooth.
  8. Cut the cake in half. Spread some orange marmalade on the bottom half. Spread ¼ of the cream cheese frosting on top of the marmalade. Invert the top half of the cake and place it on top of the bottom layer. Frost the cake with the remaining cream cheese frosting.

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Text From The Dog

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Airlines look for ways to swiftly adopt aircraft tracking system

By Victoria Bryan and Siva Govindasamy

DOHA (Reuters) – Mystified by the loss of Malaysian jetliner MH370, some airlines will not wait for an industry wide solution to keeping track of their aircraft flights in real time, provided products are offered at the right price, industry executives said on Monday.

The disappearance of Malaysian Airline Systems’ flight MH370 almost three months ago has prompted calls for real-time tracking of planes and even continuous streaming of black box data.

“It must not happen again,” Tony Tyler, director general of the International Air Transport Association (IATA) said at its annual meeting in Doha on Monday.

IATA, which brings together over 200 airlines accounting for 84 percent of the world’s air traffic, is planning to put aircraft tracking proposals to the UN’s International Civil Aviation Organization (ICAO) in September, which in turn says a standard could be in place in two to three years.

<truncated for brevity see link above for complete article>

COST CONTROL

For airlines though, a big issue will be ensuring costs for any technology do not spiral out of control, given the industry’s already tight profit margins.

IATA said on Monday its airlines would collectively make a profit of $18 billion this year, cutting its forecast from a previous estimate of $18.7 billion in March. That would equate to a net profit margin of 2.4 percent, compared with 1.5 percent in 2013.

“If it is prohibitively expensive we have to see where the cost benefit is,” Andrew Herdman, director-general of the Association of Asia Pacific Airlines told Reuters.

“It is not a question of affordability, that is the wrong way of thinking of it in terms of individual airlines. But if it makes sense, the cost is not the issue.”

Airline executives at the IATA meeting told Reuters that ultimately costs would be passed onto passengers, rather than governments.

Let’s see if I got this straight now. Some Asian 3rd world backwater wing and a prayer airline put up a plane Orville & Wilbur would have deemed not flight worthy and flew a long distance over water route while they cut financial corners when it came to safety. Now because of this I get to pay more for my next airline seat because some bleeding heart liberals want the airlines to Big Brother every plane in the entire world despite an $18 BILLION profit by the industry? Have I got that right in a nutshell?

We in the US don’t suffer from Malaysian Mismanaged Disappearing Plane Syndrome, so why should their cutting safety corners in pursuit of the almighty Ringgit (their version of the dollar) and Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak bungling a search for it badly and repeatedly force me to pay more for a ticket? I’m sick and tired of having no choice or say in footing the bill for all these 3rd world calamities. Personally I’m starting to think the 3rd world has adopted a page for Peter Seller’s ‘The Mouse Who Roared’ movie [gratuitous movie reference explained here]. Essentially just blundering on knowing that sooner or later their national stock pile of bio-organic waste is going to hit the International Fan and they’ll wind up with piles of free money and supplies paid for by others with no connection to them to band aid what they couldn’t afford to do right in the first place but wouldn’t be deterred from doing consequences and responsibility be damned.

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[Thanks to Impish for giving me the base graphic of the PRISM Logo and the warning to work with]

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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