Dragon Laffs #1389


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Good Morning Campers!3

Happy Saturday!

Gather round the campfire, grab a cup of the good stuff, a couple of donuts, a bagel or muffin or three and let’s get started!

We are spinning up for our Independence Day issue and 4th of July picnic and barbeque.  Since we had such problems during our Memorial Day Picnic, we are going to lay down a few ground rules for the 4th of July picnic. 

Yes, there will be baseball, horseshoes, badminton,  and the like, but, unlike last year, we will NOT be using magically enhanced baseballs and bats, Unicorn shoes or fairies as birdies for the badminton! 

01Dragon coffeeThe dwarves from printing are ready to defend their title in baseball from last year and Lethal is currently taking bets on all the sports competitions with really good odds based on past performance and insider information.

The highlight is undoubtedly going to be the Security vs. Secretarial full contact badminton challenge.  There’s a lot of good natured ribbing going on around the offices with Security leaving booby traps for the ladies in Secretarial and them sending the Security guys to seminars that don’t exist, with no return travel arrangements or 15 hour lay overs in Fargo, North Dakota.  Some good natured assassination attempts and missing paychecks and this is building to be a huge best of 7 match.  I can’t wait. 

So, let’s get this issue going!

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Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”

The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.”

St.Peter let him through the gate and then turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”

“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer and said, “Name them.”

Photography tip #112:  When posing your subjects, be sure you know where all their feet are.

3e

Long gone are the days when cars are purely mechanical beasts that are wrangled by the driver down the highway.  Nowadays, the driver tells the computer what to do and the computer drives the car.  Well, there’s always a downside, and the downside to modern vehicular travel is that if it’s done by a computer, it can be hacked.  Don’t think so?  Watch this…

 

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WOMEN ARE UNIQUE ….

Husband’s Message (by cellphone):

Honey, a car hit me near the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital.

They have been making tests and taking X-rays

The blow to my head has been very strong, fortunately it seems that did not cause any serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife’s Response:

 

Who the hell is Paula?

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YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A “DOG

PERSON” TO TRULY APPRECIATE THIS STORY

 

Stay

 

5I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows

to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,

“Now you stay. Do you hear me?”

“Stay! Stay!”

5a

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said,

(this is going to hurt – read on)

Doh!

“Why don’t you just put it in ‘Park’?”

 

 

3a

 

 

Kim Komando on her website, www.komando.com, calls this the “Best 3 Minutes You’ll Spend Today”.  For me, I’d call it amazing.  You know how much I like the Piano Guys, well this is just as good and completely different than anything else you’ve heard before…unless, of course, you’re already a fan of the hang drum, in which case, this won’t be a big surprise to you…for me…it was pretty cool.  I hope you enjoy.

And then there’s this guy.  Same gear, but completely different from the young lady above.  I’m really intrigued with all of this.  I hope you enjoy it, too.

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An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. “How did that happen?” gasped her mother.
“It wasn’t easy,” admitted the young lady, “but three girls helped me catch him.”

 

5c

Ain’t that the truth.  This moron thinks that our financial problems in the United States will be solved by allowing MORE illegal aliens to cross the border.  In droves!  You gotta read it to believe it.  So, here it is:
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/jun/11/joe-biden-us-needs-constant-unrelenting-stream-imm/

5d

Thanks to the Owl for this one.  And more truth has never been spoken.

 

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,
‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘that’s Michael, he’s a doctor.'”

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s dead.”

 

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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, “Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood would run into it, and I should turn red in the face. Why is it, then, that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

A little fellow shouted, “Cause yer feet ain’t empty.”

 

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Sadly, there’s way too much truth in that cartoon as well.  Kids today don’t know how to use their imaginations for anything anymore.  Sigh.  One of these days all us mythical creatures are going to die off simply because no one believes in us any more.

 

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A brand new warning has just been issued from the DL&LL Electronic Media Conglomerate.  Directly from the desk of the Editor, Impish Dragon.  Here’s the warning, paraphrased to fit better in this issue:

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ICE is really bad for you!
Warn all your friends!

 

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Well, we haven’t received a plethora of submissions for our new section.  In fact, we’ve received exactly one.  And I would be showing you this submission except it was from Tom who gave us the first submission.  So, I’ll tease you with the logo, give another shout-out for more submissions and see what happens next week.

 

coollogo_com-14435970Sadly, this is not going to be a new feature, simply because I’m not sure we could come up with these types of pictures on a regular basis.  So, this will be a mini-series…and when these amazing pictures are gone, they are gone.  if you have any photos that you think should be included in this series, please, send them my way.
4a

Remember those pumpkin chuckers? Maybe this is the same type of thing.  Little red car chucker?  Well, do any of you have a better idea?

 

4b

Okay, this guy was obviously standing on the very top and slipped inside and slid all the way to the bottom.  Easy right?  Okay, so maybe not easy, but I think we all agree that it’s pretty damn stupid!

4c

Okay, I’m still going with someone with a big friggin’ slingshot sending little red cars through the air!

4d

No net or anything!  These fire guys are just standing down there thinking, “Jump!  Jump!”  Bastards!

4e

Dude!  Denny’s does NOT have a drive thru!

 

Impish Dragon is getting a bit on in age.  As a several centuries old blue dragon he is young by dragon standards, but his human form is getting a bit on in age.

“WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!” The dragon yelled into the phone.
The irate Impish calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where his Sunday edition was.

“Sir”, said the newspaper employee, “today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY”.
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as our dragon was heard to mutter, ..
…”Well,  that explains why no one was at church either.

 

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Papa Dragon Most Senior’s home health remedies:

“For better digestion I drink beer,

in the case of appetite loss I drink white wine,
in the case of low blood pressure I drink red wine,
in the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch, 
and when I have a cold I drink schnapps.”

 

“When do you drink water?”

 

“I’ve never been that sick!”

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walken

Wait

wait what

Vodka

Virgins

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Today’s Last Word is a celebration.  I waited to the very end to talk about this because I think it’s that important.happy-birthday

I want all of you to join me in wish Leprechaun Laffs a happy 4th Birthday!  Get your keyboards busy with lots of comments to the blog and personal e-mails to Lethal.  Let’s overwhelm him with good wishes and happy birthday cheer!

Leprechaun Laffs #1 debuted on 14 June 2010.  And last Wednesday our Lascivious Leprechaun published his 250th issue!  That is an amazing accomplishment!  Four years of entertaining the masses, harassing the dragons and chasing the female members of our mythical staff up and down the hallways and tunnels of our headquarters. 

He has brought an awful lot of clients our way and throws a heck of a bash and has bought light to a bunch of topics that we birthday01all agree needed to be dragged out of the shadows.  His passion and dedication to his ideals, his craft and the truth is undeniable.  We are truly blessed to have him on staff and on our side.

Thank you, my dear friend, for your efforts and your dedication, you are appreciated.

 

Ending

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6 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1389

  1. Maildad12@aol.com says:

    Happy Birthday Lethal.. Hope you have many many more!!

  2. Big Don says:

    Happy Birthday Mr. Leprechaun You are the best!!! bar none thank you [ and the Dragon ] for ALL you do.

  3. Loren says:

    Happy, Happy Joy-Joy on your 4th year Lethal I’m sure seen this site grow up over the years for the better, tks for the smiles and laughts

  4. Don Graves says:

    Happy Fourth Birthday to Leprechaun Laffs! Time sure flies when we are having fun!

  5. Chris Schwemm says:

    Happy Fourth Birthday, Lethal. I can’t believe its been that long. I can’t imagine the amount of time you have put in to entertain me and all the others. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND THANK YOU!

    Chris

  6. Leah Diane Hanson says:

    Hope you don’t have a LETHAL birthday celebration!
    Have a HAPPY!
    Leah D.

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