Dragon Laffs #1388


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Good Morning Campers!

Time for another issue of your favorite e-zine, blog, laugh fest, whatever the heck you want to call it. 

I’m finally recovered from our Memorial Day weekend.  Mostly.  The last of the unconscious stragglers have been removed from the fountain, the last corpse has been buried, the last orgy has been hosed off and sent packing.  What a huge success this year was.  But, enough about that.

Today’s issue is jam-packed full of stuff for you to laugh at, get  pissed off at and generally have an enjoyable read with your morning coffee. 

I’d like to say a special good morning to Diaman, since I know she will be reading this at 2 am when it first gets published, she’s very special that way.  Hope your day is full of laughter, sweetie!  And for the rest of us who won’t see this until later…

coollogo_com-197233140Why men don’t vacuum:

I have to ask if this next one is true or not, Dad?

Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10 cents.”

They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.

In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, “That’s 10 cents each, please.”

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can’t believe their
good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying,”That’s 40 cents, please.”

They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They’ve each had two martinis and haven’t even spent a dollar yet. 

Finally one of them says, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?”

“I’m a retired tailor from Phoenix ,” the bartender says, “and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it’s all the same.”

“Wow! That’s some story!” one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can’t help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they’ve been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, “What’s with them?”

The bartender says, “They’re retired people from Florida.They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price, plus they all have coupons.”

Okay Dad, I’ll wait for your reply.

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Do you guys remember the old Coyote and Roadrunner cartoons?  Did you know that they are still being made with computer graphics?  Now, if you’re like me, you’re saying, “It’s not the same.  Those were CLASSICS!” And you’d be right.  But it’s still funny and it’s still good.  Watch and find out.

And here’s another one.  Oh, and by the way, ignore the bit at the end.  I guess it’s what we’ve got to put up with sometimes to see the good stuff.

I was going to put an old school Roadrunner/Coyote video here, but then I thought…nah…they’re all 20 minutes or so long, I’ll let you go find them yourselves.

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dragon pic

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I love sailing!  Can’t wait until Wheats and I can go out and do some.  Even in my dragon form, I love sailing as you can see from this picture taken last summer on the Atlantic coast.  Great fun!

 

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Here’s another video thanks to Ginny.  She gave us the Roadrunner one earlier.  I forgot to mention that.  Maybe because I spent so much time with this guy…

3fAmen sister!  This is a picture of Lethal’s girl Friday…well, yes, her name really is Friday and she’s his right hand…er..um… girl.  Yeah, whatever.  I haven’t had enough friggin’ coffee yet either, so give me a break if I’m not as eloquent as you’re used to.

 

 

Completely and totally wrong!  Wrong, wrong, wrong!  But funny as hell!!!

I had just come out of the store with two porterhouse steaks, a jumbo sausage, a bag of chips, and a 6-pack of beer. A homeless man sat there and said, “I haven’t eaten for two days.”

I told him, “I wish I had your f**king will power.”

Top tip: if you’re camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it’s so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it’s not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. Wish me luck…..I appear in court next Monday.

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself “fat chance with a face like that!”

I have a new pick up line that works every time! It doesn’t matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and always end up in bed with them. Here’s how it goes, “Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?”

Years ago it was suggested ‘that an apple a day kept the doctor away.’ But since many doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works best.

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Here’s a very interesting observation sent to us by Hank:

INTERESTING OBSERVATION…

During the 3-1/2 years of World War 2 that started with the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor in December 1941 and ended with the Surrender of Germany and Japan in 1945, the U.S. produced 22 aircraft carriers, 8 battleships, 48 cruisers, 349 destroyers, 420 destroyer escorts, 203 submarines, 34 million tons of merchant ships, 100,000 fighter aircraft, 98,000 bombers, 24,000 transport aircraft, 58,000 training aircraft, 93,000 tanks, 257,000 artillery pieces, 105,000 mortars, 3,000,000 machine guns, and 2,500,000 military trucks.

We put 16.1 million men in uniform in the various armed services, invaded Africa, invaded Sicily and Italy, won the battle for the Atlantic, planned and executed D-Day, marched across the Pacific and Europe, developed the atomic bomb, and ultimately conquered Japan and Germany.

It’s worth noting that during the almost exact amount of time, the Obama administration couldn’t build a web site.

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Okay, so you may have noticed that not only is it time to be socially incorrect, it’s time to be politically incorrect.  Here’s a couple of zingers aimed at the administration.  Are they funny because they’re true or should we be crying instead of laughing…
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3jOh my God!  Just check out the look on her face!  That really and truly says it all!!!

 

Here’s my To Do List for next week:  I REALLY like #6 and #8!!!

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a31I’m pretty sure that Lethal sent me this one from his house.  No…not the next one, the one with the puzzle.  Geez!  You think he’d let a monkey get away with taking the last banana?  Come on!

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Areport says the number of elderly people in the U.S. will double by 2050.

There will be so few young people that by then 126 year old Hugh Hefner

will actually have to start dating women over 30.

Yeah, I know…that one was pretty bad.  Sorry.

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3kAin’t that the truth!  Especially if you’re reading stuff from Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs Electronic Media, LLC.

How much is a billion?  How rich is Bill Gates?  This video answers both of those questions in a funny and poignant fashion.

Thanks to Kim Komando’s website for that video, but she goes on to say:

We all know Bill Gates is the richest man in the world – his net worth is $77.5 billion. You don’t need Neil deGrasse Tyson to tell you that.

But just how rich is he? So rich, he could buy all of the 114,212 homes in Boston at $76.6 billion. But he’s not rich enough to buy all the homes is Seattle – only the Walton family of Wal-Mart fame could buy that entire city. Seattle has roughly 241,450 homes which would cost a cool $111.5 billion.

What tech billionaire could buy your city?

  • Larry Page of Google – worth $30.8 billion – could buy Boca Raton, Florida, for $29.5 billion
  • Jeff Bezos of Amazon – worth $30.5 billion – could buy Napa, California, for $29.5 billion
  • Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook – worth $27.7 billion – could buy Saint Paul, Minnesota, for $26.8 billion
  • Steve Ballmer of Microsoft – worth $20.4 billion – could buy Littleton, Colorado, for $20 billion
  • Paul Allen of Microsoft – worth $15.9 billion – could buy Durham, North Carolina, for $15.8 billion
  • Elon Musk of Tesla Motors – worth $8.8 billion – could buy Centreville, Virginia ,for $8.8 billion

See the fun info graphic below for more.

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How about the towns and cities where you live?  Who could buy yours?  Well for me, and my little town of Peru, IN, any lineman from the Green Bay Packers could pick this place up and have enough left over to buy the next closest 3 towns.  LOL

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warnNo kidding!  She got funnels under there, or what?

wantThat’s actually pretty cool!  And probably quite buoyant!

wangIf you feel the need, I guess there’s insurance for everything.

walt

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How about a new feature?  Let’s visit different places around the world care of your descriptions and photographs.  I don’t care where you get your information or pictures from, but you should make it interesting, a couple of paragraphs long, and have some pictures.  We can call it our Travelogue. 

And today’s Travelogue is from Tom in Oregon…

Thanks Tom!

America’s largest sea cave was created by nature beginning about 25 million years ago. It’s called Sea Lion Caves and is located near Florence on the Oregon coast. The cave is around 12 stories deep and the size of a football field. It is not a zoo. It’s the natural home of sea lions and a large assortment of other coastal creatures. Captain William Cox discovered the cave in 1880 and was stranded there for a time while he was forced to dine on the meat from sea lion flippers to survive.

When I first visited the attraction as youngster, there was a half-mile trail and 250 stairs leading to the cave. The cost was a mere 25 cents. Today the fee is $14.00 but young children can enter for free. In 1961 an elevator was installed. It descends at a rate of 250 feet per minute and carries 23 people at a time allowing 400 visitors per hour.

It smells like ocean down there and is very damp and kind dark in spots. Noisy at times too from the waves that constantly come in and wash the cave clean. A true example of how nature is working!

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Yesterday was the 70th Anniversary of D-Day. The desire to compare the heroes of then with the heroes of today and how they are shamefully being treated by the VA was almost more than I could bear, but I didn’t.  But I did want to show you this amazing clip, again curtosey of our dear friend Kim Komando…
Jock Hutton was just 19 years old when he parachuted behind enemy lines in northern France. Now, 70 years later, he’s commemorating that fateful day by doing something incredible. Watch what he did now.

More incredible wisdom from Dad…or as Lethal likes to call him Papa Dragon Most Senior.  Thanks for these great insights, dad…

As I have grown  older :.

                    I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is  impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of  cake.

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex  anymore..
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by  the woman’s husband.

Lance  Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how  everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after
what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races,  while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn’t even find my damn  bike.

Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t  take my TV, just the remote.
Now he drives by and changes the channels.
Sick bastard!

The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I  stopped in to visit my aging friend.
He was busy covering his  penis with black shoe  polish.
I said to him, “You better get your hearing checked –  You’re                     supposed to turn your clock back”.

VIDEO SCAM
Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD  entitled “My Favorite 18 Holes”.
Turns out it’s all about golf. Absolute waste of  money!
Pass this on so others don’t get scammed.

Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, “do you know who the  father is?”
“Hey dumb ass, if you ate a can of beans would you  know which one made you  fart?”

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Last Word4

Before we get started with the Last Word, I want to visit the Last 2 Last Words and touch on the VA one more time…see if you can catch what I mean with this video from George Carlin.  You’ll here it right there at the end…You’ll see it… so, here we go, one more time>

This is the header that Lethal made for me that I missed using last week, so I get to use it here
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Beautiful, right?  Thanks my friend.
Here’s the video

But today’s Last Word starts with an article sent to me by Papa Dragon Most Senior…

Some years ago, the University of Nebraska asked our firm to help build a crowd for a debate between William Rusher, the publisher of the conservative National Review Magazine, and Nat Hentoff, of the liberal The Village Voice.
While William Rusher and William F. Buckley, Jr. and National Review, were already familiar, it was only necessary to read a few back issues of The Village Voice to understand that Nat Hentoff was (and is) one of the world’s most articulate liberals. We filled the auditorium; however, we didn’t know what to expect. Would the debaters be civil or uncivil?
More than civil, they listened respectfully to what the other had to say. The audience was treated to the best ideas that both conservatism and liberalism had to offer in an atmosphere of respect and even genuine friendship between the two icons of their differing points of view.
Unfortunately, in April, 2012, Mr. Rusher went to his Eternal rest. Fortunately, Mr. Hentoff is still with us and continues to give voice to liberal causes. But what brings this particular column about is that Mr. Hentoff, the consummate left-winger, has just called for the impeachment of President Obama, saying that Mr. Obama is the most dangerous and destructive president ever and is far worse than Mr. Hentoff’s former target, President Richard Nixon.
Mr. Hentoff says Mr. Obama has thrown the U.S. Constitution under the bus and is ruling as a dictator. As evidence, Hentoff cites Mr. Obama’s delay of the employer mandate in ObamaCare, the changing of types of plans available under ObamaCare, ignoring our immigrations laws, refusing to deport illegal immigrants, enacting stricter gun-control measures without Congressional legislation, sealing his presidential records, creating government offices and Czars without authorization, and changing the pay grades of selected federal employees without authority.
For some work-a-day Americans, these burrs under Mr. Hentoff’s saddle might seem insignificant; however, one of conservatism’s leading voices, St. John’s University Professor M. Northrup Buechner, writing in Forbes Magazine on November 19, 2013, saysMr. Obama’s unlawful actions could lead to a
troubling scenario: “A Republican Congress is elected and repeals ObamaCare over a Democrat President’s veto. The President refuses to enforce the repeal. The Supreme Court rules that the President’s refusal is unconstitutional. The President denounces the ruling and refuses to be bound by it.
“If the President persists in rejecting all authority other than his own, the Dénouement [outcome] would depend on the side taken by the Armed Forces…”
Writing in The Washington Times on November 12, 2013, Commander J.D. Gordon, USN (Ret.), a former Pentagon spokesman, says “…every week since President Obama took office, we’ve been hearing that another top leader has been summarily fired, despite decades of loyal service and valuable experience protecting the nation. Statistically speaking, it’s actually closer to one every 8.8 days, a staggering 200 military brass shown the door in less than five years.
Thus, one wonders if this Stalin-like purge of generals and admirals is a precautionary step taken by Mr. Obama in advance of a descent into the darkness of a Constitutional crisis.
“Fasten your seat belts, this is going to be a bumpy flight.”

I thought that this was a very interesting, VERY scary possibility.  And as you all know by now, Lethal and I bounce a LOT of stuff off each other, so I forwarded it to him with only the lightest of inquiries.  All I said was:

Tell me your thoughts on this….

Well, I got a lot more than I bargained for.  This is his reply.

OK I managed to locate the source material for this and to my very great surprise there IS actually a signed authorship source material.

   

William Hamilton <http://www.central-view.com/author.asp>, J.D. and Ph.D., is a nationally syndicated columnist, educated at the University of
Oklahoma, the George Washington University, the U.S Naval War College, the University of Nebraska, and Harvard University. He served 20 years on
active duty as an infantry officer, followed by two years of duty with the U.S. Air Force. Among the military awards he received are the Silver Star,
Legion of Merit, Distinguished Flying Cross, Bronze Stars (4), and a Purple Heart.

 CENTRAL VIEW for Monday, January 27, 2014  <source material location.
Thoughts (no order)
1.) Disturbs me that;

a.) That (presumably author provided) thumbnail. bio is ALL the info you find on him even when you Google him

 

b.) That given his awards there is nothing on him anyplace military wise I could find (I know that holds true for me as well but that was Uncle Sam’s deliberate intention for me)

 

c.) Despite carrying the line ‘©1999-2014. American Press Syndicate’ and his allegedly being a ‘Nationally Syndicated Columnist’ this obviously provocative and inflaming piece was not picked up by a single solitary newspaper or news network from what my search shows unless you count the Huffington Post. Even given the media’s Liberal bias I would still think this would get play SOMEPLACE.

 

2.) I find it damned odd that I could not find the alleged actual author of these comments Nat Hentoff saying exactly what it is claimed he is saying here despite my searching.

Granted I see some of it here and some of it there and the inferences are there, but no smoking pen no flaming handwriting on the wall.

 

3.) I strongly suspect that actions by Obama as suggested here would result in Congress Impeaching him as his actions would violate his oath of office and be in direct Constitutional conflict with Congress’s authority. I see the 1st as evidence of ‘high crimes & misdemeanors’  and the 2nd as an act untenable to Congress, even the liberals. Further given that the polls largely still show Americans as against Obamacare I suspect civil disobedience on a large scale with regard to Obamacare’s enactment, possibly extending even to the business world’s refusing to pay for it.

 

4.) The 1878 Posse Comitatus Act, as modified in 1981, ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posse_Comitatus_Act ) prohibits members of the military from exercising powers that maintain “law and order” on non-federal property. What it does is set a high bar for the use of federal troops in a policing role. That reflects America’s traditional distrust of using standing armies to enforce order at home. This would weigh heavily in any decision by anyone military or elected federal official. Consider:

 

a.) What role exactly is the military playing and how? Using the military to enforce the law or enforce Congressional repeal of the law clearly violates the Posse Comitatus Act as said enforcement in either direction would likely require actions off federal property. Violation of the act is under the UCMJ an indictable offense that at minimum would require an Article 32 hearing and would in all likelihood lead to a court marshal and in my opinion possible further charges up to and including treason. This would be true for every officer and soldier involved. Additionally the civilian authorities who ordered such actions would incontrovertibly be guilty of violating a Federal Law, probably subjected to impeachment if not forced to do the expedient thing and resign plus the very real possibility of a civil trail in Federal court and imprisonment. We’re clearly talking career suicide for all involved here as I doubt Biden would be passing around get out of jail free Presidential Pardons for those involved as that oo would set a bad precedent.

 

b.) If the 25th amendment were to be invoked (under the assumption that the POTUS had to be batshit crack smoking crazy to attempt such actions) and the military pressed into service to remove him this again becomes a Gordian knot of ugly precedent(s) with regard to the military’s involvement in what is primarily a legal/rule of Constitutional law matter despite the presumption that any action they took would be within the West Wing and therefore technically not in violation od the Posse Comitatus Act. In my opinion the Capitol Police, FBI &/or Secret Service would be better suited to this task as their doing so would paint a far less Military Coup like picture to the American Public at large (let’s ignore for them moment what all of this would do to the perception of America abroad and the further damage on our reputation and image on the international front Obama would have succeeded in causing) as armed federal troop in our streets are the stuff of Orwellian nightmares every American fears.

 

In summation, while obviously not totally outside the realm of possibility (sadly, little is these days) I think this scenario makes a better movie  or novel pitch than as a potential actual future occurrence for the specific logic & reasons cited


Nice, right?  He saw into it much deeper than I had and took it from a very emotional issue (for me) to a very logical and legal issue.  We discussed it some on the phone, but didn’t go much further than what you see in front of me.  My response to his reply:

Thanks for the feedback.  I deeply appreciate your input into this and you have done a great deal to help me see other possibilities.  I wasn’t as concerned as who said it as the possibility of it coming to pass and being a viable, if somewhat remote, possibility.  I can see how you are correct in that it would be very difficult to pull off.

But you brought to light another question for me.  What happens if he’s impeached and refuses to go?  Does the secret service or the capital police come and drag him off in handcuffs?  Just a thought and what a great photo op that would be!

Thank you my friend.  I appreciate you for being there to help bounce ideas off of. 

As I said, we do bounce ideas off each other all the time.  Both ways.  (This gives you a little more insight into the inner workings of our blog, as well.)

His final response follows:

I asked myself the same question(s) but after 20 minutes could find zero information on such a possibility. I would think stripping him of his authority would render him just a former (disgraced) has been and he might get treated as such and helped to pack up and leave. The place is not w/o security staff in sensitive areas that would then work to his detriment instead of benefit

What do you think?  What are the possibilities in the time he has left to pull of some crazy stunt?  He just did the same damn thing with the prisoner exchange, didn’t give congress a chance to even express an opinion.  He’s broken the law so many times that by now I’m sure he’s convinced that the law doesn’t apply to him or that the law is what HE says it is.  And in all honesty, why shouldn’t he feel that way?  We’ve (the American people in their elected representatives) have let him get away with this bullshit time and time again.  We’ve let him break laws, let him push his agenda down our throats so many times, why should he bother stopping now?

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It’s just a matter of time as I gaze into my crystal coffee cup

Caffiene Molecule Mu;g
I see a difficult time still ahead for our little project in democracy.  Please my fellow campers, get out there and vote this election in November.  Get a congress and a senate that will work FOR us.  Not for themselves.  Not for their own pockets.  Not for some self-appointed king of America.

Have a great rest of the weekend.

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1388

  1. Jack Daniels says:

    I live in Yuma, AZ, can you give me the address of that Old Timers Bar?

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