Dragon Laffs #1392

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Good Morning Campers!  Well, the start of the weekend party was great!  The firework display was awesome.  It was indeed a grand first day.
How about Lethal’s Independence Day issue, yesterday?  Wasn’t that something?  Personally, I believe it was the best holiday issue he has ever presented us with.  Thank you my friend for your hard work and determination in presenting us with this great issue.  If you haven’t given it a star rating yet, go back right now and give it a rating. 

I’ll wait.

Whistling behind the podium. 

Pulls out cell phone and checks messages.

“Geez, who the heck is this Director Fury who keeps texting me?”

“Let’s see, yes to poker on Tuesday with the Latin Pantheon, Lucifer took too much of my gold last week.”

Puts phone away.  Okay, everybody back? 

Good, now where was I?

Oh yeah.  The weekend party.  I’d love to sit here and tell you all about it, but my guardian nun, Sister Mary Stigmata is going on break and she’s been keeping me from the more fun activities, plus I’m STARVING.  She won’t let me have more than thirds of ANYTHING!! Gosh! 

Anyway, I’ve got to take advantage of the situation when it presents itself.

So, ….

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We interrupt this Dragon Laffs issue for a special announcement…
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Reliable investigative sources in California say that radical Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in the City of Los Angeles, killing anyone who is a U.S. citizen.

Police fear the death toll could be as high as 9.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled e-zine…

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Okay, so that was pretty bad, I know.  I feel so ashamed.  ashamed2

Not only am I not sure WHY you’d want to do this, but I don’t even know that I have ever even considered doing this…but I guess somebody had to, so here you go.  What happens when you crack an egg underwater.

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DragonPapa1 (262)

 

As a sort of history buff, I found this behind the scenes video of the Alamo quite interesting.

Having been to the Alamo and walked the grounds, and having been to San Antonio and walked the River Walk, I have no doubt, that I will pick up a copy of this book and do the whole tour, the right way, the next time I’m there.

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Oh my goodness.  And I thought I was the only one who did stuff like that. 

 

Ten things you didn’t know about the internet.  Ten things I didn’t know about the internet.  Well, some of it I did know, and I’m betting that some of it you knew.  So maybe it should be ten things someone didn’t know about the internet.
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The times sure have changed!  At an incredible pace!

 

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Thanks to Chris Wallace for throwing the bullshit flag!

Chris Wallace Confronts Dem Congressman on Obama’s Executive Actions: Is He Rewriting The Law?

It astounds me how many people have drank this devil’s kool-aid!

Things got heated on “Fox News Sunday” when host Chris Wallace forcefully demanded answers on the questionable executive actions of President Barack Obama from California Democratic Rep. Xavier Becerra.

In a segment that also featured Republican Rep. Bob Goodlatte, Wallace discussed Speaker of the House John Boehner’s recent lawsuit against the Obama administration over the actions it has taken without congressional approval.

After listing off specific actions the administration has taken without Congress — including deferred deportations and raising the minimum wage for federal contractors — Wallace turned to Becerra and asked, “What is the president’s legal authority to take all of these unilateral actions without going back to Congress?”

The California lawmaker responded that all of these actions met with popular approval and the American public wanted to see these things happen. “The list you showed are all things the American public wants to see.”

Becerra then tried to explain how the president decided to take action since Congress wasn’t doing “its job.” This prompted the Fox host to cut him off before he finished his statement to state that the Constitution does not grant power based on popularity.

“The Constitution does not say ‘Hey if it’s popular, you can exceed your authority.’ It’s kind of irrelevant,” Wallace said over a razzled Becerra.

Becerra restored his composure and went on to focus on the issue of raising the minimum wage for federal contractors as a justifiable action for the president. This didn’t satisfy Wallace and he repeated his original question that he felt Becerra was sidestepping.

“What is his legal authority for taking this action without going back to Congress?” Wallace repeated.

“The president has the authority — as the executive — to implement the laws,” Becerra answered. “If there is a law that says that we will pay a federal contractor money, the president can say ‘OK, federal contractors, you can’t gouge your workers because you’re getting federal taxpayer money to do the work.”

Wallace quickly shot back “But is he implementing the law?”

“Absolutely, he’s implementing the law,” the California congressman responded.

“Or is he rewriting the law?” Wallace prodded.

“No, he’s not rewriting it because he is simply implementing it,” Becerra said.

 

 

Props to Chris!  We need to scream it from the roof tops!  If you don’t like what congress is doing, you can’t just do what you want to anyway!  That’s NOT the way a Republic works.  That’s the way a dictatorship works.  OPEN YOUR EYES!

Thanks to Ginny for sharing this.  I’ll let her tell you about it…

I watched this through some tears…SUPERB commercial!

 

Maybe the best commercial ever filmed and not a word is spoken..VERY SHORT Food City, a Food Chain, is located in the Southeast, headquartered in Bristol, TN.  This is a great commercial.

Not a word spoken, and none needed.  Very few commercials deserve to go viral.  This one does.

 

Take 1 minute to watch this very special video.

 

 

Those of you who know my Dad, aka Papa Dragon Most Senior is a musician of stellar quality.  I wish I had a copy of some of his music that I could share with you.  I’ll work on getting some.  I maybe able to do so before this issue goes to press.  Anyway, this is a video that Dad sent to me about a guy who made a clarinet out of a carrot.  And the big thing is how good is sounds.
Watch this:

It’s time for another golf joke.  We go out of our way to present these because we know so many of you out there are golfers…

Fred decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. 

 

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. 

 

After a long period of silence she finally speaks.  “Honey, I’ve been thinking, now that we are married I think it’s time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your clubs.”

Fred gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?”

Fred Says, ”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

“Ex wife!” she screams, “I didn’t know you were married before!”

”I wasn’t!“

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AHA!!!!  I actually found an old CD of one of my Dad’s many bands.  Put it into a video style and uploaded it to youtube!  I can now, quite proudly and with tears in my eyes, present to you, My Dad’s awesome talent…
Here is The Freestyle Band Playing the Basin Street Blues!

 

 

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That’s got to be ice…and they had to have slid that in there…that’s all I got.  That’s all I can figure out.  You got something better?

 

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Okay, so this one has to be a back lot picture of the Godzilla movie.  No?  Tornado? 

 

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This one I got.  It’s a simple skateboarding accident.  It’s nothing more than a big skateboard anyway.

 

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Transformers!  More than meets the eye! Looks more like Transformer sex gone bad.

 

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Okay, you got me.  I have no idea how the hell this happened!!!!

 

Wheats

My buddy Wheats, I got one thing to say on this rant…. you NAILED IT!!!

Obama has shown nothing but disdain for our system.

 

“The Constitution is a document of negative rights”
(where the hell did that come from?)

 

Doesn’t like the construct of how it all works, checks and balances and….

AND…..

 

Even when he’s largely getting his way, as we Americans see it, he still whines and complains.

“I wish I could just wave a pen and make it happen, but we have this thing called congress”

 

One of his more revealing statements which uncovered his irritation (yet again) with the system.

 

His uptake seems to be that “correct” government is that one person, acting alone, on the behalf of a minority, that is, a small group of people that hold one particular view, should be able to upend and usurp the desires and needs of the majority in order to attain (ugh), dare I say it, “fairness”.

 

Hey, president pants-on-fire, life is not fair. Never has been, never will be. There is no government system that will make it that way but the representative republic is the closest thing we’ve come to. It’s not perfect. Nothing ever can be.

The PEOPLE are not a collection of bugs in a jar for you to take out your magnifying glass and roast them at will when one of them displeases you.

 

The PEOPLE are a collection of different attitudes, positions, experiences, knowledge, etc that, when put together for a common cause for everyone, wonderful things can happen.

 

I think we can agree on that.

 

Where we disagree, hugely I might add, is that you think to get there, the government must control the means of production, the availability of goods and services and the outcome of the production.

 

That’s called fascism, dear boy, look it up. It’s a close cousin to socialism and communism.

 

Doesn’t work.

 

Been tried and is in-progress to this day, failing.

 

See:

USSR
Cuba
Argentina
Vietnam
North Korea

and pretty much the rest of the world with minor exception.

 

Or, is it that you just like the mechanism to break the bank and empty the coffers to knock the US down a few notches?

 

Or is it a little of both because, well, I don’t think you’re all that clever, nor very bright. This cleverness and intelligence has been awarded to you by journalists whose main accomplishment is reading/writing formulaic crapola put out by the AP wire.

Seems odd that a collection of idiots such as that hold you in such high regard. Makes me also wonder about the value of the sheepskin I have on my own wall.

 

However, you’ve gone about your business and you feel pretty confident that they’ll keep covering for you. So go ahead, danger-boy…keep it up. And we’ll all watch and listen as it falls to sh*t at your feet, like the middle east is doing right now.

 

Like the immigration debacle is right now.

 

Like the VA scandal is right now

 

Like the IRS scandal is right now.

 

It’s all you, barry-me-boyo. If this is what you desired, which I think it is, then you’ve succeeded.

 

I believe you entered the office an angry, petulant little boy in a man’s body and said so in 2009. I believe your goal was to get away with the biggest political tantrum in this nation’s history and you’ve done it and are continuing to do it.

 

You want destruction. You want disaster. You want the world to feel the pain you have in not being able to have a father, the derision your peers gave you when you were a useless twig-boy smoking dope to escape from reality and you’re mad as hell and taking it out on the entire planet.

 

Your legacy will be that of the worst and most vile president this nation has ever had. History will not be kind to you. This is the justice which you seek, Mr Obama.

 

You earned it.

5i

Sadly, that’s so true in many neighborhoods.  You know the ones.  The ones where gun control is so strong and should be an example to the rest of the country…like Chicago, Washington D. C….

More bullshit from Chief of Staff, the head honcho, the man who can’t be touched…

Obama Mocks GOP: ‘So Sue Me’

President Barack Obama mocked what he described as a do-nothing Congress Tuesday, saying he won’t apologize for taking executive actions on political issues without the legislative branch  —  and defiantly daring them: “So sue me.”

“As long as they insist on taking no action whatsoever that will help anybody, I’m going to keep on taking actions on my own that can help the middle class, like the actions I’ve already taken to speed up construction projects and attract new manufacturing jobs and lift workers’ wages and help students pay off their student loans,” Obama told a Department of Transportation gathering on Washington’s Key Bridge. 
Don’t worry Mr. Obama.  They will sue you.  They’ll impeach you.  You will go down in history as the worst president of all time.
That is…

If there is any justice in the world.

I guess we’ll see.  For the rest of the article and the video, click the link below.

Read Latest Breaking News from Newsmax.com http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/obama-mocks-sue-me/2014/07/01/id/580385#ixzz36RWwgNC4 
Urgent: Should Obamacare Be Repealed?
 Vote Here Now!

 

Here’s a preview of one of the magicians we will be featuring at an upcoming picnic here at the DL&LL Electronic Media Resort and Office Complex.  And you don’t think we bring you quality entertainment?  You tell me, where’d the case of beer go?
It’s magic!

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The worst part is they are teaching their kid that it’s alright to steal.  Just not to get caught!  I hope she’s rotting her ass in jail!  and the kid is in child protective custody.

 

President Obama says we should create harmony by learning Arabic…

 

We might as well ALL get on the band wagon.

 

The current administration wants us to learn more about Muslims and accept them into our culture.

 

So, I’m making a sincere effort to learn to communicate with our Muslim friends and learn Arabic for the sake of ‘cultural diversity.’

 

This is my first attempt.

 

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And if you don’t think that’s funny or it’s not nice?
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Janitor or Millionaire
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Closer Than You Think!

An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).

After the test, the manager says, “You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day. Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, “Well, then, that means that you virtually don’t exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed.

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 25 lb flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly.

After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pick-up truck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.

Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically. When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned, “What, you don’t have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where you would be now, if you had been connected to the Internet from the very start!”

After a moment of thought, the tomato millionaire replied, “Why, of course! I would be a floor cleaner at Microsoft!”

Moral of this story:

1. The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life.
2. If you don’t have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a millionaire.
3. Since you got this story via e-mail, you’re probably closer to becoming a janitor than you are to becoming a millionaire.
4. If you do have a computer and e-mail, you have already been taken to the cleaners by Microsoft.

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Talk about being a safe distance away…you’d think these guys were safe.

Almost too close!

 

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WTF

It’s gotta be because she doesn’t have a helmet.  Yeah, that’s it.

 

trips

tricks

Today

suspicion

Good Old American Management

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race.  Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready.

The Japanese won by a mile.

Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss.  Morale sagged.  Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.

The consultant’s finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had two people rowing and seven people steering.

After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.  The cost of the study drove the project over budget, so the corporation laid off one of the rowers to make the project leaner, to increase the cost effectiveness of the project, and to illustrate to the stockholders that the corporation was willing to make tough corrective decisions. The management team asked the remaining rower to practice weekends and holidays to compensate.

As race day neared again the following year, the American team’s management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

On this race, the Japanese won by TWO miles!!

Humiliated, the American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.

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Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said, “You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter, and we got married. Later my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law.

“Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father’s son, but he was also the son of my wife’s daughter, which made him my wife’s grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother.

“This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father’s wife. I’m my stepmother’s brother-in-law, my wife is her own child’s aunt, my son is my father’s nephew and I’m my own grandfather!

“And you think you have family problems!”

I know this guy.  He’s actually a dragon in his “other” life and this kind of a situation is not that unusual in the long lived. 

 

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Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.  He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it’s a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.  So he rushes round to the presbytery to fetch Father Flanagan. He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen.  But he won’t say what it is, so he asks Father Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes.

 

He leads Father Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor.

 

“Well,” says the priest, “it’s pretty obvious.  Someone has dropped some buttered toast on the floor and then, for some reason, they flipped it over so that the butter was on top.”

 

“No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that!” exclaimed Murphy.

 

“Oh my Lord,” says Father Flanagan, “dropped toast never falls with the butter side up.  It’s a miracle¦. Wait … it’s not for me to say it’s a miracle.  I’ll have to report this matter to the Bishop and he’ll have to deal with it.  He’ll send some people round; to interview you, take photos, etc.”

 

A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the archdiocese but by scientists sent over from the Curia in Rome. No expense is spared.  There is great excitement in the town as everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much need tourism revenue.

Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling.

 

“It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy’s kitchen, quite outside the natural laws of the universe.  Yet the Holy See must be very cautious before ruling a miracle.  All other explanations must be ruled out. Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared ‘No Miracle’ because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!”

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Maybe people are beginning to listen!  Maybe it’s beginning to work.  I won’t say we’ve rounded a corner or anything, but it sure does make me feel good to read articles like this one:

Supreme Court: Obama Is Out of Order

The Supreme Court has wrapped up its 2013-2014 term by handing stinging defeats to the increasingly unpopular President Obama.

Doing its job for a change, the high court reined in the power of the Executive Branch of the federal government, striking down a forced unionization scheme, an abortifacient mandate, and improper recess appointments. The Court also rejected the Obama administration’s contention that police be allowed to search Americans’ cellphones without warrants.

In the nearly five and a half years Obama has been president, the Supreme Court has now ruled against the government 9-0 an astonishing 20 times, as Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) points out. George W. Bush and Bill Clinton lost on unanimous votes 15 times and 23 times, during their respective eight years in the Oval Office.

This means that as measured by judicial losses, the Obama administration is on track to surpass its two immediate predecessors.

“The importance of the unanimous cases is that you can’t say, ‘Well, there are five Republican appointees on the court and four Democrats,’” said Ilya Shapiro, a senior fellow in constitutional studies at the Cato Institute.

“These cases where they haven’t gotten the votes of either of the two Obama nominees means the arguments being presented by the Justice Department to the court are just out of left field,” he said.

Okay, so if he has been defeated 20 times, how the hell is he still getting away with as much as he is???  Okay, okay so I’ll choose to believe this is a good sign. 

5j

 

 

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Today’s Last Word is a video that seems appropriate to run today.  Some facts about the Declaration of Independence that you may not know.

I think that’s enough for one day and a really good way to end this issue that was more than full with a tiny bit of ranting.

May you have a peaceful and safe Independence Day Weekend.

cheers3

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DL/LL Digital Media Ltd – Independence Day Issue 4th July 2014

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On July 4, 1776, we claimed our independence from Britain and Democracy was born.  In June 1776, representatives of the 13 colonies then fighting in the revolutionary struggle weighed a resolution that would declare their independence from Great Britain. On July 2nd, the Continental Congress voted in favor of independence, and two days later its delegates adopted the Declaration of Independence, a historic document drafted by Thomas Jefferson.

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Variously known as the Fourth of July and Independence Day, July 4th has been a federal holiday in the United States since 1941, but the tradition of Independence Day celebrations goes back to the 18th century and the American Revolution (1775-83).  From 1776 until the present day, July 4th has been celebrated as the birth of American independence, with typical festivities ranging from fireworks, parades and concerts to more casual family gatherings and barbecues.

The United States is truly a diverse nation made up of dynamic people.  Every day thousands leave their homeland to come to the “land of the free and the home of the brave” so they can begin their American Dream.  Sadly, some come with other things in mind, a free ride, to tear us down from within, or to commit wanton acts of terror against us due to religious & political ideology. Because we are Americans and this is the “land of the free and the home of the brave” where one of our most iconic landmarks displays the words:

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

We as Americans need to remember, not just today, but every day to make an effort to differentiate between those seeking to join us who are truly seeking to become Americans and those who would see us torn down or do us harm. While I’ll grant you this is not an easy task, it is a debt we owe those who founded this great nation for us.

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Let's Roll 27

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Ladies and Gentleman please stand for our (period correct) National Anthem

United States National Anthem (The Star Spangled Banner) by The United States Army Old Guard Fife and Drum Corps

 Please remain standing and join me in the Pledge of Allegiance after a great American explains the meaning behind it.

Red Skelton’s Pledge of Allegiance

 

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Live on PBS from the West Lawn of the U.S. Capitol!

A Star Spangled Birthday Party — Live from the US Capitol!

This July Fourth, America’s national Independence Day celebration honors our country’s 239th birthday with an all-star salute led by two-time Emmy Award-winning television personality Tom Bergeron, along with a cast of legendary performers. Broadcast live on PBS from the West Lawn of the U.S. Capitol, this top-rated extravaganza features 20 cameras positioned around the city, ensuring viewers are front and center for the greatest display of fireworks in the nation.

A Capitol Fourth is broadcast live on PBS and can also be heard live on NPR member stations nationwide and via the American Forces Network to the nearly one million American service members, Department of Defense civilians, and their families, stationed at bases in 175 countries as well as 140 U.S. Navy ships at sea.

See the star studded performers list here: http://www.pbs.org/a-capitol-fourth/concert/2014-performers/

Friday, July 4, from 8:00 to 9:30 p.m. ET

John Philip Sousa’s March, “The Stars and Stripes Forever”

 

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Wednesday I made a Gratuitous Movie Referenced and challenged you people to post the movie it was from in the comments section of the issue. I’m not sure which I’m more disappointed in, the fact that none of you got it, or that only a single individual could be bothered to take the effort to comment with the answer.

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The line about hating when I get my Schwartz tangled is a reference to the 1987 Mel Brooks Cult Classic “Spaceballs”.

Let me again reference my general disgust over the lack of participation effort like this:

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I now return your to drunken BBQ activities.

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The Birth of American Independence

“Taxation without representation!” was the battle cry in America’s 13 colonies, which were forced to pay taxes to England’s King George III despite having no representation in the British Parliament. As dissatisfaction grew, British troops were sent in to quell the early movement toward rebellion. Repeated attempts by the colonists to resolve the crisis without military conflict proved fruitless.

When the initial battles in the Revolutionary War broke out in April 1775, few colonists desired complete independence from Great Britain, and those who did were considered radical. By the middle of the following year, however, many more colonists had come to favor independence, thanks to growing hostility against Britain and the spread of revolutionary sentiments such as those expressed in Thomas Paine’s bestselling pamphlet “Common Sense,” published in early 1776. On June 7, when the Continental Congress met at the Pennsylvania State House (later Independence Hall) in Philadelphia, the Virginia delegate Richard Henry Lee introduced a motion calling for the colonies’ independence. Amid heated debate, Congress postponed the vote on Lee’s resolution, but appointed a five-man committee to draft a formal statement justifying the break with Great Britain.

The committee included Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, Roger Sherman and Robert R. Livingston. Jefferson, who was considered the strongest and most eloquent writer, crafted the original draft document (as seen above). A total of 86 changes were made to his draft and the Continental Congress officially adopted the final version on July 4, 1776.

On July 2nd, the Continental Congress voted in favor of Lee’s resolution for independence in a near-unanimous vote (the New York delegation abstained, but later voted affirmatively). On that day, John Adams wrote to his wife Abigail that July 2 “will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival” and that the celebration should include “Pomp and Parade…Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other.” On July 4th, the Congress formally adopted the Declaration of Independence, which had been written largely by Jefferson. Though the vote for actual independence took place on July 2nd, from then on the 4th became the day that was celebrated as the birth of American independence.

On July 6, The Pennsylvania Evening Post became the first newspaper to print the extraordinary document. The Declaration of Independence has since become our nation’s most cherished symbol of liberty.

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Flash Mob – “Proud to be an American”

 

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Remember to thank our Veterans & Soldiers for the privilege of being able to do so

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Couple last minute spice rubs in case you’ve a need to one up the neighborhood self anointed grill master and a cake recipe I promised Impish I’d post for the holiday. RELAX ALREADY! If you keep a decently stocked larder its likely you have just about everything you’ll need for this cake

Chicken Rub

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Ingredients

2  tbsp.  garlic powder
1  tbsp.  onion powder
1  tbsp.  cumin
1  tbsp.  dried thyme
1  tbsp.  coriander
1/4  c.  smoked paprika
1  tbsp.  black pepper
2  tbsp.  kosher salt

Instructions

For presentation, layer spices. Recipe may be doubled or tripled to fit your jar. To use, combine all spices together and rub liberally on any chicken product.

Variations: Make your own favorite blend by adding or substituting any of these spices: fennel seed, ginger, all spice and a dash of cinnamon.

Pork Rub

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Ingredients

1/3  c.  smoked paprika
2  tbsp.  kosher or sea salt
2  tbsp.  brown sugar
2  tbsp.  white sugar
2  tbsp.  black pepper
2  tbsp.  mustard powder
1  tbsp.  garlic powder
1  tbsp.  cayenne pepper
1  tbsp.  ground coriander
1/2  tsp.  ground cinnamon

  or presentation, layer spices. Recipe may be doubled or tripled to fit your jar. To use, combine all spices together and rub liberally on any pork product.

Variations: Make your own favorite blend by adding or substituting any of these spices: thyme, rosemary, sage, allspice, marjoram, nutmeg, bay leaves, or ginger.

Beef Rub

Ingredients

2  Tbsp  thyme
1  Tbsp  black pepper
2  Tbsp  garlic powder
2  Tbsp   kosher salt
1  Tbsp  mustard powder
1  Tbsp.  smoked paprika
1  Tbsp  cayenne powder

Instructions

For presentation, layer spices. Recipe may be doubled or tripled to fit your jar. To use, combine all spices together and rub liberally on any beef product.

Variations: Make your own favorite blend by adding or substituting any of these spices, ingredients, or herbs: rosemary, orange peel or cumin.

In all three cases I make mine with half of the salt called for to reduce the sodium levels. In fact if making it for a gift I include no salt and the instructions for use say to slat the meat to the cooks preference

Premium Tres Leches Cake

I promise Impish I’d post this recipe for the holiday as when he heard me describe it he lost another keyboard to shorting out in a pool of drool. While it didn’t make it into Wednesday’s issue it’s a long weekend and the stores are open

Premium Tres Leches Cake

Three forms of leche, or “milk,” are poured over a baked cake to create its signature indulgence. Cake mix and ready-to-spread frosting make it easy.

  • Prep Time 15 min
  • Total Time 1 hr 55 min
  • Servings 15

 

Ingredients

1  box Betty Crocker™ SuperMoist  yellow cake mix
1 1/4 cups water
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla
4 eggs
1 can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated)
1 cup whole milk or evaporated milk
1 cup whipping cream
1 container Betty Crocker™ Whipped fluffy white frosting

Directions

  • 1 Heat oven to 350°F (325°F for dark or nonstick pan). Grease and flour or spray bottom and sides of 13×9-inch pan.
  • 2 In large bowl, beat cake mix, water, oil, vanilla and eggs with electric mixer on low speed 30 seconds, then on medium speed 2 minutes, scraping bowl occasionally. Pour into pan.
  • 3 Bake as directed on box for 13×9-inch pan. Let stand 5 minutes. Poke top of hot cake every 1/2 inch with long-tined fork, wiping fork occasionally to reduce sticking.
  • 4 In large bowl, stir together sweetened condensed milk, whole milk and whipping cream. Carefully pour evenly over top of cake. Cover; refrigerate about 1 hour or until mixture is absorbed into cake. Frost with frosting. Store covered in refrigerator.

Typical yellow cake? Not! You’ll savor a very moist cake that’s been soaked in three full-flavored milks (“tres leches” in Spanish). The preparation is similar to a “poke” cake, where a cake is first baked, then poked and a mixture poured over it. This cake can vary by region, having fruit or chocolate, but the three-milk soaking is the key to its authenticity.

[We like it with strawberry cake mix and topped with whipped cream and strawberries instead of frosting]

John Philip Sousa’s March, “The Liberty Bell”

 

 

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Perverted Prose Header

Some people do Crossword puzzles to keep their minds sharp, others prefer Word Jumbles or Sudoku. I like to parody song lyrics for my own purposes and the amusement of my friends. My muse just whispers in my ear (then usually gives me a wet willy) and I’m off at it.

Today’s requires a little explanation and background. Unless you were lucky enough to be born Irish or marry a fine Irish woman your not likely to recognize the tune which I have bent to my will because its mainly only popular with us Irish as its sort of a period history piece. So I’ll let you listen to it and an explanation of how it came about before giving it to you. Sorry but it won’t play here. Instead you’ll have to go to Youtube to comply with the posters restrictions to hear it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CySri9RAuQ

 Impish and I frequently exchange IMs during the day (don’t look for us it’s a closed system we’re using). I try to announce my presence with something humorous to make him laugh and his day better. So originally this started out only as the first 3 stanzas and chorus. Impish knew the song but couldn’t quite place it as he while not lucky enough to have been born an Irishman got the consolation prize and married an Irish lass. He was impressed enough to urge me to continue on with perverting it.

Bracing for another wet willy I asked my muse for more help. She’s fickle and has a short attention span however and came back to help paying attention now not to making Impish laugh but because of the upcoming holiday to make it about our stand against the political insanity that threatens our Republic ever seeing its 250th birthday.

I’ll sing you a song of peace and love.
They whack politicians all the live long day
Of the Leprechaun that reigns o’er a blog that’s a cut above
They whack politicians all the live long day

May profits a plenty be his share,
He keeps Impish Dragon from the electric chair!
So the Gods bless Lethal is our prayer
Whacking politicians all the live long day

They whack politicians all the live long day
So we say “Hip Hooray!”
Come and listen while we sing their praise
Whacking politicians  all the live long day

When Impish was savage fierce and wild
They whack politicians all the live long day
Lethal came along like a mother to her child
They whack politicians all the live long day
Vigorously applying shelling to Impish all the time
Which kept our Dragon from hellish crime
And made him profitable in his own good time
Whacking politicians all the live long day

They whack politicians all the live long day
So we say “Hip Hooray!”
Come and listen while we sing their praise
They whack politicians all the live long day

Together the two oft are naughty boys
They whack politicians all the live long day
For computers and guns are dangerous toys
They whack politicians all the live long day
From the blog the rail against Obama’s will
They make poor Liberals weep their fill
Ah, but ould ‘Merica they love her still
Whacking politicians all the live long day

They whack politicians all the live long day
So we say “Hip Hooray!”
Come and listen while we sing their praise
Whacking politicians all the live long day

Oh, Conservatives forget the past
They whack politicians all the live long day
And think of the time that’s coming fast
They whack politicians all the live long day
When we will all be liberally Communized
Neat and clean our lives by Big Brother well supervised
Oh, won’t the Founding Fathers be surprised?
Whacking politicians all the live long day

Founding Fathers

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Bonfires and Illuminations

On July 8, 1776, the first public readings of the Declaration were held in Philadelphia’s Independence Square to the ringing of bells and band music. One year later, on July 4, 1777, Philadelphia marked Independence Day by adjourning Congress and celebrating with bonfires, bells and fireworks.

The custom eventually spread to other towns, both large and small, where the day was marked with processions, oratory, picnics, contests, games, military displays and fireworks. Observations throughout the nation became even more common at the end of the War of 1812 with Great Britain.

In June of 1826, Thomas Jefferson sent a letter to Roger C. Weightman, declining an invitation to come to Washington, D.C. to help celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence. It was the last letter that Jefferson, who was gravely ill, ever wrote. In it, Jefferson says of the document:

“May it be to the world, what I believe it will be … the signal of arousing men to burst the chains … and to assume the blessings and security of self-government. That form, which we have substituted, restores the free right to the unbounded exercise of reason and freedom of opinion. All eyes are opened, or opening, to the rights of man. …For ourselves, let the annual return of this day forever refresh our recollections of these rights, and an undiminished devotion to them.” – Thomas Jefferson June 24, 1826 Monticello

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Aaron Tippin – Where The Stars & Stripes & The Eagle Fly

 

daily_afternoon_randomness_49_photos14_1399617941

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American Revolution – 1776

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv1QdkMdGrA

At 50 minutes I’ll just post this and leave it to you to watch it later.

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Early Fourth of July Celebrations

In the pre-Revolutionary years, colonists had held annual celebrations of the king’s birthday, which traditionally included the ringing of bells, bonfires, processions and speechmaking. By contrast, during the summer of 1776 some colonists celebrated the birth of independence by holding mock funerals for King George III, as a way of symbolizing the end of the monarchy’s hold on America and the triumph of liberty. Festivities including concerts, bonfires, parades and the firing of cannons and muskets usually accompanied the first public readings of the Declaration of Independence, beginning immediately after its adoption. Philadelphia held the first annual commemoration of independence on July 4, 1777, while Congress was still occupied with the ongoing war. George Washington issued double rations of rum to all his soldiers to mark the anniversary of independence in 1778, and in 1781, several months before the key American victory at Yorktown, Massachusetts became the first state to make July 4th an official state holiday.

After the Revolutionary War, Americans continued to commemorate Independence Day every year, in celebrations that allowed the new nation’s emerging political leaders to address citizens and create a feeling of unity. By the last decade of the 18th century, the two major political parties–Federalists and Democratic-Republicans–that had arisen began holding separate Independence Day celebrations in many large cities.

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The United States Army Old Guard Fife and Drum Corps in 2012 Spirit of America

         

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        July 4th Becomes A National Holiday

        The tradition of patriotic celebration became even more widespread after the War of 1812, in which the United States again faced Great Britain. In 1870, the U.S. Congress made July 4th a federal holiday; in 1941, the provision was expanded to grant a paid holiday to all federal employees. Over the years, the political importance of the holiday would decline, but Independence Day remained an important national holiday and a symbol of patriotism.

        Falling in mid-summer, the Fourth of July has since the late 19th century become a major focus of leisure activities and a common occasion for family get-togethers, often involving fireworks and outdoor barbecues. The most common symbol of the holiday is the American flag, and a common musical accompaniment is “The Star-Spangled Banner,” the national anthem of the United States.

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        Still too early yet for fireworks… so how about a little more music

        Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue (The Angry American)

         

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        Let’s see…is it dark enough yet?

        7-4 fw

        Yeah that looks pretty good beside you natives are getting too restless and rowdy.

        Biggest-fireworks2---oston-4th-of-July

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        Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks New York City

         

        Disney’s Celebrate America! – A Fourth of July Concert in the Sky Fireworks 2013

         

        Independance Flag

        image

        Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

        Leprechaun Laughs # 253 for Wednesday July 2nd 2014

        image

        <Lethal comes dashing into the room deftly executes a controlled slid/slide to a stop in front of the podium and starts machine gunning out words like Impish sweetened his coffee with amphetamines and No-doze and some how snuck Crack into his hash & eggs>

        Hi. Good morning. Nice to see you all here.

        Get it if you want it and quickly park it if you please so we can get  right down to it.

        <Lethal pulls out a pocket watch and stares at it. 10 seconds elapse>

        OK social proprieties observed, host duties executed. Moving right along.

        I got lots to do for Friday’s Issue and our 4th of July BBQ. As usual Impish’s big contribution seems to be he’ll be available to light all the hard wood grilling pits and annoy the hell out of the prep staff with his taste test inspections.

        I have one announcement: Since last weeks Summer Music feature got more than a few positive comments (wish more of them were placed in the comments section and not private) we’ll be continuing with that on and off for a few weeks. While all the songs might not have summer in the title or lyrics but they are all song I remember from my happier summer time memories or made it big a particular summer. I’ll try to spread out the era in each issue I do them so there should be something that everyone can smile over and remember fondly.

        <Lethal’s tablet chimes indicating some sort of event going on. He pauses looks up excitedly and rapid fire continues>

        Lot’s to do. Gotta go. My new mobile smoker & grill system has just arrived and I have to go inspect it and sign for it. Wander by a little later and check it out. We’ll be giving it a real work out all weekend.

        Enjoy the issue. Tootles. Catch ya later- maybe. Gotta dash!

        <Lethal exits in a flurry of briefing papers from the podium. Shouts of dismay can be heard and the runs down the hallway shouting “Clear the hall! Make Way! Hold that down elevator or your fired…and I do mean from a cannon!”>

        Lets Roll-99

        image

        coffee in coffee

        <Lethal almost immediately comes running back into the room and up to the podium.> I have one late arriving announcement of some import.

        Impish & I had been concerned over not hearing from a devout reader and regular contributor for over a week now. We recently receive word that she had been involved in personal mishap resulting in her sustaining multiple injuries of a semi-severe nature requiring long term healing.

        image

        Our injured but on the mend loyal reader is none other than our Lady of the Limericks & Princess of Poetic Puns Diamen. Please join Impish and I in wishing her a speedy and full recovery.

        image

        So you don’t have to suffer at the hands of Obamacare or the VA Diamen we’re sending our very own Doctor of Quackery’s nurse out to treat you and assist you in attending the weekend’s festivities.

        image

        Don’t worry, he’s a (more or less almost) trained nurse. I mean what could possibly go wrong?

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        She should have that terminal case of blushing you’re currently suffering well under control by the start of the festivities and besides laughter is the best medicine of all!

        Get well Diaman and get back to the virtual voodoo you do so well soon!

        OK that’s all I have time for for the second time. As you were. <Lethal again dashes from the room and shouts of panic are heard as he again flies down the hall.>

        Catholic Honeymoon

        On the first day of their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed.

        When her husband wasn’t shortly behind her, she got up and went looking for him — and found that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

        She asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her.

        “I thought you realized,” he replied. “It’s Lent.”

        What?!” she shrieked, almost in tears. “Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!”

        “Well, you asked, and that’s the answer,” he said, going back to his book.

        “But…” she said. “Who did you lend it to, and for how long?”

        Alice Cooper – School’s out 1972

        Probably should have gone with this one last week but better late than never!

        Impish Insights 7

        The Man’s Guide To Female English

        (The Woman’s Guide To Male English will be next…. )

        What She Says
        What She Means

        We need
        I want

        It’s your decision
        The correct decision should be obvious by now

        Do what you want
        You’ll pay for this later

        We need to talk
        I need to complain

        You’re…so manly
        You need a shave and you sweat a lot

        You’re certainly attentive tonight!
        Is sex all you ever think about?

        I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting!
        I’ve got my period

        This kitchen is so inconvenient
        I want a new house

        I want new curtains
        and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…

        I need wedding shoes
        the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

        Hang the picture there
        No, I mean hang it there!

        I heard a noise
        I noticed you were almost asleep

        Do you love me?
        I’m going to ask for something expensive

        How much do you love me?
        I did something today you’re not going to like

        I’ll be ready in a minute
        Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

        Is my butt too big?
        Tell me I’m beautiful

        You have to learn to communicate
        Just agree with me

        Yes
        No

        No
        No

        Maybe
        No

        I’m sorry
        You’ll be sorry

        Do you like this recipe?
        It’s easy to fix so you’d better get used to it

        I’m not yelling!
        Yes I’m yelling because I think it’s important

        All we’re going to buy is a soap dish
        It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few purses, and those sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

        Absolutely Beautiful Engraving!

        I love a picture with a message …
        Engraving is an enduring way to display the message.

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        The time and cost to engrave can have such a meaningful impact.

        [Particularly in larger calibers!]

        Kenny Chesney Summertime

         

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        Lone Ranger Spammed

        whip spam responders

        Dancing in the Street – Martha Reeves and The Vandellas

         

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        Before we get to cooking I figured this would be an appropriate time and place to show off my new Mobile Smoking and Grilling System. a real beauty isn’t it?  I designed it personally for maximum party potential. By the time the party starts the other half will be here. The follow on vehicle not contains a refrigerated section for perishables but  tanks for Beer, coffee iced tea ice and water…as well as a portable fold out bar set up and an extra long drain hose with nozzle and pump so we can use the run off from the melting ice for the wet t-shirt contest. [Hey! I had to do something to keep Impish’s mind and nose out of the cooking area or you guys would have starved!

        photo 2

        Independence Day is just 2 days away. This year I’m not going to try and persuade you to make something new, innovative, reimagined,  exciting or different. Today we’re going to focus on a couple quick easy but slightly different sides and some easy sure to be appreciated desserts

        Tomato, Onion, and Cucumber Salad

        Lettuce wilts fast in the sun and heat and nobody wants to eat soggy salad (wait-actually isn’t that what Cole Slaw is?) Here’s all the things you love about a salad w/o the lettuce.

        Tomato, Onion, and Cucumber Salad

         

        Total Time: 5 min
        Prep: 5 min
        Yield: 4 servings
        Level: Easy

         

         

         

         

        Ingredients

        5 medium plum tomatoes, halved lengthwise, seeded, and thinly sliced
        1/4 red onion, peeled, halved lengthwise, and thinly sliced
        1 Kirby cucumber, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced
        A generous drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil, about 2 tablespoons
        2 splashes red wine vinegar
        Coarse salt and black pepper

        Directions

        Dress the tomatoes, onions, and cucumber with olive oil, red wine vinegar, salt, and pepper.

        Let stand while you prepare dinner, about 20 minutes. Re-toss and serve salad with crusty bread for mopping up juices and oil.

        ‘Kirby cucumbers are also known as pickling cucumbers which are just small immature large ones. If you can’t find them use refrigerated Kosher, Garlic or Half Sour Pickles. A little dill goes well in this too. I like some atop a hotdog sort of Chicago style.

        This is one of those salads that gets better the longer it sits. One trick is to make this in a bowl tossing to combine everything then to pack it into recycled jars to store in your fridge w/o taking up a lot of room. Glass spaghetti sauce & pickle jars work well but I like to use well washed mayonnaise jars. aside from having a wider mouth which makes filling and getting some out easier most of them are now plastic which means transportation to a picnic family gathering excreta is easy worry free and you don’t have to worry about getting your bowl back either! No Jars you say? I’ve resorted to using doubled up Ziploc gallon bags to assure no unpleasant surprises in transport

        Add your own signature to this salad by finding different dressings and additional add ins. Go Greek by adding olives & feta while substituting the juice of a large lemon for the red wine vinegar and a pinch of oregano. Use Ranch dressing in place of the vinegar & oil and toss in a handful of crumbled bacon. Use Caesar and blue cheese crumbles,  or artichoke hearts and Italian dressing.

        Healthy Chopped Slaw

        Healthy Chopped Slaw

         

        Total Time: 1 hr 30 min
        Prep:  25 min
        Inactive: 1 hr
        Cook: 5 min
        Yield: 6 servings
        Level: Easy

         

         

         

        Ingredients

        1/2 head green cabbage (about 1 pound), shredded on a box grater
        1/2 head purple cabbage (about 1 pound), shredded
        Kosher salt, plus 1 teaspoon
        1 carrot, shredded (1 cup)
        1/2 teaspoon celery seeds
        1/2 cup low-fat mayonnaise
        2 tablespoons whole-grain mustard
        3 tablespoons dark brown sugar
        3 tablespoons pineapple juice
        1/2 cup low-fat buttermilk
        Freshly ground black pepper
        1/4 teaspoon cayenne

        Directions

        Mix the 2 cabbages together in a large colander. Salt cabbage generously and put in the sink to drain for about 1 hour. Rinse cabbage under cold water and pat very dry. Mix the carrot with the cabbage.

        Toast celery seeds in a dry skillet over medium heat; cool. Whisk the mayonnaise, mustard, brown sugar, pineapple juice, buttermilk, celery seeds, 1 teaspoon salt, pepper, to taste, and cayenne in a large bowl. Add the cabbage, tossing to coat. Serve immediately or refrigerate until needed.

        Another good hotdog topper besides being an excellent side dish. You know that left over Red Onion from the Tomato Cucumber and Onion Salad? Goes in here pretty good too.

        Apple Pie Packets

        What more American (aside from Mom) than Apple Pie? Here is a crustless individual version you can make on the BBQ while you’re busy enjoying the other fruits of your grilling labors.

        image_thumb

        Ingredients:

        1 apple, cored and sliced
        1 tbsp. butter
        1 1/2 tbsp. brown sugar
        1/4 tsp. ground cinnamon
        1 tbsp. dried cranberries or raisins (optional)
        1 tbsp. chopped pecans (optional)

        Directions:

        Preheat grill (to medium heat)
        Cut a 12×18-inch sheet of nonstick foil.
        Place apple slices on foil along with butter, brown sugar and cinnamon and dried cranberries.
        Wrap packet securely with double-fold seals, allowing for a bit of room for heat expansion.
        Place packet on grill; cover and cook for about 15 minutes over medium heat.

        WARNIG!: Be careful when removing from the grill.

        I just use a grill-safe spatula and gently scoop up the packet and put it on a plate.
        Use caution when opening packets because there will be hot steam as you open them.
        We serve right in the packets.  There will be juices on the bottom of the packet.
        Just gently stir your apples around a bit in those juices.
        And eat! So good!
        This recipe is for one serving. So it’s easy to take this recipe and make as many as you need for your crowd.  This would be fun to set up as a baked apple bar.
        Set all the ingredients out for your guests and let them top with whatever they like.

        Note: This is delicious put into a bowl and a little ice cream served on top! I will take the extra juices from the foil packet and drizzle it over the ice cream. Mm mm. Mm mm. French Vanilla or Rum Raisin Ice Cream makes this a seriously decadent dessert

        Easy S’more Cookies

        Faith & Begorrah! This next one is nothing short of bloody brilliant! It’s so easy it doesn’t even have a recipe just a photo. If you’re any sort of a baker Molly assures me all that you need it the photo and the admonishment those are mini marshmallows being used.

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        Warm them gently in tin foil on the grill using the indirect heat method or by placing the package on the warming rack while the  Tin Foil Apple Pie Packets cook.

        In theory I suppose you could also accomplish this with store bought cookies, though I expect it’s a little harder to make and messier to eat.

         

         

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      • Oh man I hate it when that happens! It’s as bad as when your Schwartz gets twisted! (Anyone got who the gratuitous movie reference w/o Googling it leave a comment)

        !cid_X_MA1_1400689803@aol

        Norah Jones – Summertime

      •  

        The Woman’s Guide To Male English

        Make sure you didn’t miss The Man’s Guide To Female English, above!

        What He Says
        What He Means

        I’m hungry
        I’m hungry

        I’m sleepy
        I’m sleepy

        I’m tired
        I’m tired

        Do you want to go to a movie
        I’d like to have sex with you later

        Can I take you out to dinner?
        I’d like to have sex with you later

        Can I call you sometime?
        I’d like to have sex with you later

        May I have this dance?
        I’d like to have sex with you later

        Nice dress!
        Nice cleavage! (or butt or legs or all the above)

        You look tense, let me give you a massage
        I want to fondle you (until I can con you into sex later)

        What’s wrong?
        I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of this

        What’s wrong?
        What meaningless, self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

        What’s wrong?
        I guess sex tonight is out of the question

        I’m bored
        Do you want to have sex?

        I love you
        Let’s have sex right now

        I love you, too
        OK, I said it — we’d better have sex now!

        Yes, I like the way you cut your hair
        I liked it better before

        Yes, I like the way you cut your hair
        $50 and it doesn’t look that much different!

        Let’s talk
        I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me (or I’m desperate to know wtf you hid my remote)

        Will you marry me?
        I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you

        I like that one better (while shopping)
        Pick any frigging dress and let’s go home!

        motivate-pics20

        Road Rage

        A man noticed he was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. Not wanting to let the crazed woman push him, he stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by flooring it.

        The tailgating woman slammed on her brakes, then her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

        The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, the jailer approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

        “I’m sorry for this mistake,” he says. “You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.”

        “Yeah, so?” she says.

        “Naturally,” he concluded, “I assumed you had stolen the car.”

        pisslikeaboss

         

        nobody-6

         

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        You’re getting off pretty easy again this week- I’ve got a ton of work to do for Friday’s Independence Day Issue as yet and not really any time to devote to a Parting Shot. So instead we’re going to have a little eye opening quiz on political quotes. I’m going to be honest the reason for my posting this isn’t because I just needed something to post here. I could have just said no Parting Shot this week either and I’m sure none of you would have bee overly disappointed.

        My reason for posting it is actually the fact that I totally miserably failed the test. Not a single correct answer did I get. You’ll see why this got me publishing this when you get to the correct answers after taking the test (NO CHEATING!!)

        Who said  it?

        1) “We’re going to take things away  from you on behalf of the common good.”
            A. Karl  Marx
            B. Adolph  Hitler
            C. Joseph  Stalin
            D. Barack  Obama
            E. None of the  above

        2) “It’s time for a new beginning,  for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the  few…… And to replace it with shared responsibility, for shared  prosperity.”
           A.  Lenin
            B.  Mussolini
            C. Idi  Amin
            D. Barack  Obama
            E. None of the  above

        3) “(We)…..can’t just let  business as usual go on, and that means something has to be taken away from  some people.”
            A.   Nikita  Khrushev
            B.  Joseph  Goebbels
            C. Boris  Yeltsin
            D. Barack  Obama
            E. None of the  above

        4) “We have to build a political  consensus and that requires people to give up a little bit of their own  … in order to create this common ground.”
           A. Mao Tse  Dung
            B. Hugo  Chavez
            C. Kim Jong  II
            D. Barack  Obama
            E. None of the  above

        5) “I certainly think the  free-market has failed.”
           A.  Karl  Marx
            B.  Lenin
            C.  Molotov
            D. Barack  Obama
            E. None of the  above

        6) “I think it’s time to send a  clear message to what has become the most profitable sector in (the)  entire economy that they are being watched.”
           A.  Pinochet
            B.  Milosevic
            C. Saddam  Hussein
            D. Barack  Obama
            E. None of the  above

        [Scroll down for  answers]

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        1521528_665958670121864_1039433693_n

        Nope your right- the two graphics above have nothing to do with the Parting Shot’s subject matter. I didn’t trust some of you not to scroll down and check the answers before taking the quiz. That’s why they are there! GO ahead grumble all you want here’s the answer key now:

        Answers

        (1) E. None of the  above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton  6/29/2004
        (2) E. None of the  above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton  5/29/2007
        (3) E. None of the  above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton  6/4/2007
        (4) E. None of the  above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton  6/4/2007
        (5) E. None of the  above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton  6/4/2007
        (6) E. None of the  above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton  9/2/2005

        Want to know something  scary? She may be the next president if  we all don’t vote.

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        10153046_679841458737172_1647707163958418878_n

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        See you Friday for our Big Independence Day Issue Cook Out & Fireworks Display!

        image

        Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments

        Dragon Laffs #1391

        header4
        Good Morning Campers!
        With Independence Day being less than a week away, I can only tell you to hold onto your hats for what Lethal has cooking for us this year!  Speaking of cooking, guess who’s going to be featured behind the grill at our annual Independence Day, 4th of July party?  Now, I’m not saying he’s going to be doing the regular hotdogs and hamburgers, nor even the roasted silver worms and starfish, but this year will definitely feature a bunch of Lethal Leprechaun’s cooking!  How about that!
        And fireworks!  Oh my lord!  We have some of the best pyrotechnic wizards, pyromaniacs, and fire breathing dragons performing for you this year!  It is going to be a par-tay!
        Okay, for those of you who are going to make it, there are sign-up sheets spread around, as well as liability waivers for damages.  That’s right.  If you enter the dwarf throwing contest and the dwarf turns out to be a 15th level warrior and he throws YOU out of the ring, well we ain’t paying your doctor bills.
        The unicorns have graciously volunteered horse back riding for the little kids.  Little kids only please because they can only be touched by virgins.  Any adults attempting to ride who aren’t virginal, well, we’re not going to help you get that horn puncture wound out of you, but we may laugh at your silly ass and take pictures.  And here’s a message to parents.  DO NOT bring your teenage children in to see if they can ride the unicorns!  This is NOT a virginity test for your kids, your fiancée or any other silly thing like that.  This is a fun party.  That’s it.  Trust me when I tell you that the unicorns have their own ways of dealing with people who try that silly shit.
        The Centaurs will be putting on an Archery demonstration with basic archery lessons being offered to anyone who’s interested.
        There will be pin the tail on the harlot and water polo with the mer-folk, all kinds of things going on.  It will begin about noon on Friday and go until sometime after the fireworks end…which maybe sometime on Sunday, who knows.
        Anyway, something for you to look forward to.  Again those of you with the right credentials and directions.  If you need the portal coordinates, let us know and we can messenger them to you.  After a thorough check first.  If you are already a mythical creature, you know where to go.

        So, for now, it’s on with the show. 

        coollogo_com-197233140

        Let’s start out with a video that shows what I believe is a shocking truth.  Or at least they proved it in their limited experiment.  Wouldn’t you like to be more well liked?  Be perceived as the nicer person, the better guy?  How about if you could do it by making one small, easy, inexpensive change?  Watch this and you won’t believe it.

         

        5

        Okay, so this doesn’t surprise me at all, and actually makes a lot of sense.

         

        Through the eyes of a man…

        A wife was curious when she found two old negatives in a drawer and had them made into prints.
        She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her at a much younger, slimmer time, taken many years ago on one of her first dates with her husband. When she showed him the photos, his face lit up. “Wow, look at that!”, he said with appreciation, “That’s my old Ford!”.

         

        5a

        I KNEW IT!!!!  and we all thought he didn’t have a policy!
        Prick!

        coollogo_com-53139351

        DragonPapa1 (261)

        962

         

        5c

         

         

        5d

         

         

        Seems like us poor men can’t do anything right when it comes to women… here’s a great example:

        A man sees his wife is busy in the kitchen and says: “Can I help?”

        She says, “Sure, take this bag of potatoes, peel half of them and put them in a pot to boil.”
        5e

        You know this poor guy got his ass handed to him, right?  Did he not do exactly what was asked of him?  Like I said, we can’t ever win.

         

        coollogo_com-213502075

        f2009080703

         

        965

         

        967

        Okay, that’s funny.  I don’t care who you are!

         

        968

         

         

        coollogo_com-14435970

        4k

        I didn’t know that spiderman had any pets, but these cats have obviously been watching him too long.

         

        4l

        I got nothin’!  This isn’t like kids throwing tied up sneakers over the wire, or even like last week’s car over the wire.  A tornado?  I saw a moose once hung up like this.  They say he was standing over the wire while it was on the ground during installation and when they, miles away, started to pull the wire tight, he got caught.  So maybe this is the same type of thing.

         

        4m

        Of all the things to run into on the road, an oven and stove top is probably right there on the bottom of my list.

         

        4n

        Well, I’m certainly not going to believe that the dude is floating in air.  His staff is touching the ground on one side and his belt on the other, so I’m going with that.  Besides, I know most of the truly magical by sight and this guy ain’t one of them.

         

        969

         

        970

         

         

        coollogo_com-7318770

        under

        Ubber

        tudor

        TShirt

        true

        True Story

        971

         

        A Marine Pilot shows an awesome display of precise flying.  Pretty cool video.  Thanks to Kim Komando’s website for pointing this one out.

        972

        973

        974

        975

        976

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        Here it is, Friday night and I’m sitting here with my mouth stuffed with cotton because I just had two teeth pulled a couple of hours ago and I’m in a little bit of pain (<– use understatement font here) which is causing me to be just a little on the pissy side. (<—and here)
        Well, I was kinda gonna go into something political but then this thing from my home state caught my eye.  And now I’m REALLY pissed!!
        And I mean REALLY FRIGGIN’ PISSED!

        Okay, here’s the article from the NJ.com

        Mom beaten as toddler tries to intervene; Salem police seek assailant

        WARNING: The video included in this story contains foul language and scenes of violence that some viewers may find disturbing.  Take that warning to heart folks.  I included it from a different source that I found on youtube with a bit of news commentary to go with it, but it is brutal.

        SALEM — Police are searching for a woman seen on an amateur video savagely beating another woman as the victim’s 2-year-old son watched and pleaded for the violence to stop.

        “Police in this county deal with this type of violence everyday. Yet, this video is physically sickening to watch,” Salem Chief of Police John J. Pelura III said Wednesday.

        The suspect in the case has been identified as Latia Harris, 25, of Salem, who is facing charges of aggravated assault and two counts of making terroristic threats, Pelura said. She has not yet been apprehended.

        A video showing the violent attack had been posted for a brief time Tuesday night on Facebook before it was taken down. Law enforcement and others were able to obtain a copy of the video.

        The person who took the video appears to have happened upon the incident and began recording, probably using a cell phone. The video shows several others watching the beating and recording it on phones while the victim’s toddler son tries to intervene on behalf of his mother, kicking at the assailant.  (You got that, right?  Everyone was watching and video taping and the only person with enough guts to try to stop this assault was the victims toddler son!  When/if you watch the video you can even hear the bystanders making comments like it’s all some big game!  I’m absolutely sickened.)

        The assault took place Tuesday evening on a path that leads through a grassy and partially wooded area between the McDonald’s restaurant on East Broadway and the Harvest Point Apartments on Grieves Parkway.

        According to Pelura, officers were called to the entrance to Harvest Point “for a woman who was covered in blood and appeared to have been assaulted” Tuesday around 7:10 p.m. The chief said the unidentified victim was “disoriented, confused and bleeding from the face.”

        Pelura said the victim said a woman named “Tia” who works at McDonald’s assaulted her and “accused her of spreading rumors about her and her manager.” In the video the suspect is dressed in what appears to be a McDonald’s restaurant employee uniform — a burgundy shirt and black pants.

        As bystanders watched, the victim is thrown to the ground and beaten about her face and kicked in her back by the suspect, the video shows. During the beating the suspect continued to rant, using foul language and saying something about possibly losing her job.

        The victim’s toddler son yelled for the beating to stop and kicked at the suspect’s legs several times. The victim is seen being punched at least 20 times and bleeding profusely.

        At one point, Pelura said, and it is clearly seen in the video, Harris threatened to kick the victim’s son in his face. The video shows the assailant spitting on the victim and walking away, asking those recording the incident not to post it on social media.

        The victim, a 27-year-old Salem woman, is seen left on the ground with blood in her hands from the beating to her face.

        The victim was taken to The Memorial Hospital of Salem County, Mannington Township, for treatment. Pelura said the fact that bystanders watched and recorded the incident and did nothing to stop it is sad. (Sad?  SAD!!  It’s deplorable!  Reading between the lines no one even called 911 while the beating was going on.  It wasn’t until afterwards that the call was made saying that a woman covered in blood was disorientated and walking around the front of the apartment complex.  What the hell is wrong with our society where something like this could not only go on, but that no one would even attempt to step in and stop it or even call the authorities, not that they could have gotten there in time, but still!)

        “There is a moral and social breakdown in the fabric of our society which is clearly evident when a woman gets pummeled in broad daylight in front of her child while a dozen people pull out their phones to record the incident instead of calling for help,” Pelura said. “There is so little regard for human life — by the actor and the bystanders.”  (I think the friggin’ bystanders should be charged as well.  I don’t know with what…inhuman indifference?…there’s gotta be something.  This is pure bullshit.  Okay, for those of you interested, here’s the video:

        Okay, just before posting this there has been an update on the website.  Let’s see what they have to say…

        Basically, the second article, which I will not bother reprinting here, gives the same information as above, has some gruesome pictures of the poor woman’s injuries and goes on to say that the bitch who beat on her is still at large, faces several different charges, including:
        Aggravated Assault
        Two Counts of making Terroristic Threats
        And here’s a quote from the article: In the warrant issued for her arrest, authorities charge Harris attempted to “cause significant bodily injury” to the victim “under circumstances manifesting extreme indifference to the value of human life.”  And that should be what the bystanders who did absolutely NOTHING are charged with, too.  “Showing extreme indifference while someone caused significant bodily injury under circumstances manifesting extreme indifference to the value of human life.”

        Oh man I’m so angry I’m shaking.  And in my own beautiful state of New Jersey.  Okay, so maybe it’s not in the beautiful part of the state, being kinda between Newark and Philadelphia, but it’s still so wrong.  I’m heartbroken, not only by what happened, but by the complete and total lack of help by the people watching.  Watching like it was their afternoon entertainment.

        Unbelievable.

        I’ve got to go find a good human interest story somewhere for next week to wipe this taste out of my mouth over this crap. 

        That’s all I got folks, have a great weekend.

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        Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

        Leprechaun Laughs # 252 for Wednesday June 25th 2014

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        See what happens when I’m all nice and respectful to Impish? Been letting him slide, laying off his case, doing graphics for him to help him out for a while now. Suddenly last Saturday I wake up to find myself playing Abbot to his Costello unannounced.

        SIGH! I guess good deeds really never do go unpunished. Time to take Impish to summer school I guess. That means you folks are coming along for the ride so put the coffee smokes and cookies all away sit up straight and pay attention cause class is in session and I’ve got 6 Nuns who are worse than the Penguin from the Blues Brothers movies. They think they are Jedi Masters with those fiber glass reinforced graphite pointers and their mission is to keep you paying attention all issue. Free word of caution with them there is no try-only do.

        Opening Logo 23

        best coffeeservice  ever

        I really like the coffee service in this place!

        coffee ind

        A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside. As he passes thru the swingin’ doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

        COLD BEER: $2.00
        HAMBURGER: $2.25
        CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
        CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
        HAND JOB: $50.00

        Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ol’ biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

        She glides down behind the bar to the biker.

        “Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you?”

        The biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering, young lady,” he whispers: “are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”

        She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs “Why yes. Yes, I sure am.”

        The biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, “Well, wash your hands real good, then, ’cause I want a cheeseburger.”

        happy-first-day-of-summer-3

        SUMMER TIME IS HERE!

        Bikini’s, short shorts, boy shorts, crop tops, plunging necklines, spying on nude sunbathing MILFs with R/C drones! [Mop brigade to the conference room- clean up dragon drool pool ] Let’s celebrate with a  little Summer music through out the issue shall we?!

        The Beach Boys – Surfin’ Safari (1962)

         

        Three old men were sitting together in a retirement home: Paul, Impish, and Lethal. Most of the time they’d try to one-up each other about their youthful exploits, but this time they were discussing how each of them would like to die.

        Paul started it off, saying “I would like to die in a race car going two-hundred-and-fifty miles an hour!”

        Not to be outdone, Impish, a retired Air Force vet, said, “Me? I’d like to die in a jet fighter going Mach 1!”

        Impish and Paul then looked at Lethal, seeing if the old Celt could outdo those grand death wishes.

        “Me?” Lethal finally said, “I’d like to be shot!”

        “Shot?!” said the other two, nearly in unison. “But why?!”

        “…by a jealous husband,” Lethal continued.

        image

        The Male’s Stages of Life

        (Later on the Female’s)

        Drinking

        17 – beer
        25 – imported beer
        35 – vodka
        48 – scotch
        66 – Maalox

        Seduction Line

        17 – My parents are away for the weekend.
        25 – My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
        35 – My fiancée is away for the weekend.
        48 – My wife is away for the weekend.
        66 – My second wife is dead.

        Favorite Sport

        17 – sex
        25 – sex
        35 – sex
        48 – sex
        66 – napping

        Drug

        17 – pot
        25 – coke
        35 – money
        48 – power
        66 – Viagra

        Definition of a Successful Date

        17 – “tongue”
        25 – “breakfast”
        35 – “She didn’t set back my therapy.”
        48 – “I didn’t have to meet her kids.”
        66 – “Got home alive.”

        Favorite Fantasy

        17 – getting to third
        25 – airplane sex
        35 – ménage a trios
        48 – taking the company public
        66 – Swiss maid

        House Pet

        17 – roaches
        25 – stoned-out college roommate
        35 – black lab
        48 – children from his first marriage
        66 – dust bunnies

        What’s the Ideal Age to Get Married?

        17 – 25
        25 – 35
        35 – 48
        48 – 66
        66 – 17

        Ideal Date

        17 – Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
        25 – “Split the check before we go back to my place.”
        35 – “Just come over.”
        48 – “Just come over and cook.”
        66 – “Come over and watch Star Trek re-runs.”

        Import of wasting time

        image

        James Gandolfini (1961 – 2013) was Tony Soprano, the unofficial boss of the New Jersey family highlighted in the hit television show The Sopranos. Marlon Brando (1924 – 2004) was Don Vito Corleone, the head of the most powerful mafia family in New York City in the popular film trilogy, The Godfather. But do you know them well enough to tell who said what? Take our quiz and find out!

        http://www.legacy.com/news/did-you-know/who-said-it-tony-soprano-or-don-corleone/2352/

        You’re favorite Leprechaun ( I AM your favorite Leprechaun RIGHT?!) must be mobbed up because I got 9/10 only missing #8. To be honest I’ve never see a single episode of The Sopranos, but I’ve seen every Godfather movie end to end at least 3 times and a few of them more.

        image

        We know! We know! OH HOW we know!

        Bryan Adams – Summer of 69

         

        Impish walked into a jeweler’s shop one Friday, with a beautiful young blonde on his side.

        “I’m looking for a very special ring for my girlfriend,” he said.

        The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000.
        “I don’t think you understand,” Impish tells the salesman. “I want something really unique,” says the man.

        At that, the excited jeweler goes and gets his special stock from the safe.
        “Here’s one stunning ring at $45,000,” he says, dollar signs in his eyes.

        The girl’s eyes sparkled, and the Impish said that he would take it, adding “I’ll pay by check, but of course you and the bank will want to make sure that everything is in order. So I’ll write the check, you can phone the bank, and then I’ll fetch the ring on Monday.”

        Monday morning a very angry jeweler phones the Impish. “You bastard!!! You lied!! There’s no money at all in that account!”
        “I know,” said our Dragon, “I’m very sorry — but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had?”

        image

        Baked Pumpkin Doughnuts

        Photo

         

        Prep Time: 10 mins

        Total Time: 20 mins

        Serves: 12, Yield: 12 Doughnuts

         

        Ingredients

        Doughnuts

      • 2 cups all-purpose flour
      • 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
      • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
      • 1 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice ( 3/4 tsp cinnamon + 1/4 tsp cloves + 1/4 tsp ginger + 1/4 tsp nutmeg)
      • 1/2 teaspoon salt
      • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
      • 1/2 cup canned pumpkin
      • 2 eggs
      • 1/4 cup milk
      • 1/4 cup butter or 1/4 cup margarine, softened

        Icing

      • 1 cup powdered sugar, sifted
      • 1/4 teaspoon vanilla
      • 4 -5 teaspoons milk

        Directions

      • FOR DOUGHNUTS: In a medium mixing bowl stir together flour, brown sugar, baking powder, pumpkin pie spice (or individual spices), salt, and baking soda.
      • Add pumpkin, eggs, milk, and butter, or margarine; beat with an electric mixer on low speed till mixed.
      • Spoon the mixture into a pastry bag fitted with a large star tip with a 1/2-inch opening.
      • Pipe onto 2 greased baking sheets in 3-inch circles.
      • Bake in a preheated 375 degrees F oven for 10- 12 minutes, or till golden brown.
      • Cool doughnuts on a rack.
      • FOR ICING: In a small mixing bowl stir together powdered sugar and vanilla.
      • Stir in enough milk to make a smooth icing of glazing consistency.
      • place rack with doughnuts over waxed paper.
      • Brush icing over doughnuts with pastry brush, or spoon over surface.

         

        Bacon-Cheese Pull Apart

        Each bite is filled with breakfast flavors! You can taste the bacon, cheese, mushroom and green-onion flavors. Originally, this was a Pillsbury Bake-Off 41 (Hollywood,2004) recipe submitted by Terri Barton of Salt Lake, Utah. It has been noted that this dish should be used as a side to breakfast or brunch unless you increase the amounts of eggs bacon mushrooms and cheese.

      • Prep Time: 15 mins
      • Total Time: 45 mins

        Servings: 8 (as a side 6 as a main dish)

         

        Ingredients

      • 1 egg
      • 2 tablespoons milk
      • 1 (16 1/3 ounce) cans pillsbury original flaky refrigerated biscuits
      • 4 -6 slices crispy bacon, cooked and broken into 1/2-inch pcs
      • 4 ounces shredded cheddar cheese
      • 1 (4 ounce) can mushroom pieces
      • 1/4 cup finely chopped green onion, both green and white parts ( 4 medium)
      • cooking spray

        Directions

      • Preheat oven to 350°F.
      • Spray 11×7″ or 12×8″ (2 quart) glass baking dish, with cooking spray.
      • In a large bowl, beat egg and milk with wire whisk until smooth.
      • Separate dough into 8 biscuits; cut into quarters.
      • Gently stir biscuit pieces into egg mixture to coat evenly.
      • Fold in bacon, cheese, mushrooms and onions.
      • Spoon mixture into sprayed dish; arrange biscuit pieces in a single layer.
      • Bake for 23-28 minutes or until golden brown.
      • Cut into squares or just pull-apart.
      • Serve warm.

        To make it a main dish I’d go with a glass 9×13” pan 6 eggs an addition one of the smaller tubes of biscuits, 10 slices of bacon or a mixture of bacon & either cooked ham or brown & serve sausages chopped up and 8 oz of mushrooms (which personally I’d cook in some of the bacon grease with garlic. I’d also consider sautéing some spinach until it was excess moisture free for inclusion or possibly some fresh or frozen chopped broccoli

        The Mason Jar Blender Trick: Do You Know About This?

        Sometimes there are kitchen tips that float around on the Internet for years before you bump into them. Sometimes those tips are potentially life-changing. Like this one: did you know that a standard mason jar can be used in place of the pitcher on most blenders? What the what?

        If you unscrew the base from your blender pitcher, you’ll see that the blade fits perfectly onto a standard (not wide-mouth) mason jar and the base screws on to hold it securely. Fit it onto the blender and blend away!

        There’s a lot of to love about this easy trick. If you’re blending a smoothie, you can drink directly from the jar or put on a lid and take it on the go. I also like the idea of making a few smoothie kits in jars and keeping them in the refrigerator for quick blending in the morning. You can also use jars for blending spices or nuts and even store them in the jar after blending. It basically turns your blender into a DIY Magic Bullet — and saves you from doing a few dishes. Win-win!

      • random-t-03_14_14-920-27

      • How cool would it be if this ran Impish over instead of a bus?! Can you imagine his shock when he looked up to see what hit him?

        Zac Brown Band – Toes

        The Female’s Stages of Life

        Drinking

        17 – Wine Coolers
        25 – White wine
        35 – Red wine
        48 – Dom Perignon
        66 – Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

        Excuses for Refusing Dates

        17 – Need to wash my hair
        25 – Need to wash and condition my hair
        35 – Need to color my hair
        48 – Need to have Francois color my hair
        66 – Need to have Francois color my wig

        Favorite Sport

        17 – shopping
        25 – shopping
        35 – shopping
        48 – shopping
        66 – shopping

        Drug

        17 – daddy’s credit card
        25 – boyfriend’s credit card
        35 – husband’s credit card
        48 – boss’s credit card
        66 – Viagra

        Definition of a Successful Date

        17 – “Burger King”
        25 – “Free meal”
        35 – “A diamond”
        48 – “A bigger diamond”
        66 – “Home Alone”

        Favorite Fantasy

        17 – tall, dark and handsome
        25 – tall, dark and handsome with money
        35 – tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
        48 – a man with hair
        66 – a man

        House Pet

        17 – Muffy the cat
        25 – Unemployed boyfriend
        35 – Irish setter
        48 – Children from his first marriage
        66 – Semi-starving guard dog

        What’s the Ideal Age to Get Married?

        17 – 17
        25 – 25
        35 – 35
        48 – 48
        66 – 66

        Ideal Date

        17 – He offers to pay
        25 – He pays
        35 – He cooks breakfast the next morning
        48 – He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
        66 – He can chew breakfast

         

        image

        Summer is here and you know what that means:
        It’s time to ship old fat & lazy Impish off to summer  fat reduction & exercise camp while I try and momentarily reclaim some of the freedom and peace of mind I had before  he came into my Law Office and lied to us when he told the Firm, “Well, I’ve got some good news.”

        image

      • The waterfront area had been featured on The Discovery Channel’s Shark Week.
      • For the sixth year in a row, there’s been a measles outbreak at Camp Jenny McCarthy.
      • Their idea of “s’mores” are melted chewing gum and Ex-Lax squares sandwiched between two saltines.
      • He’s not leaving unless President Obama releases more of his fellow detainees.

        And the Number One Sign Impish is at a Bad Summer Camp…

      • Three words: Soylent Green S’mores.

         

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        Sniff…sniff God Ronnie I miss you!

        Mungo Jerry – In The Summertime ORIGINAL 1970

         

        Wives Are Always Looking Out for Us

        Impish got home real late last night after a full day of burning and pillaging with the guys, and his wife left a message in the kitchen:

        Impish wasn’t sure what to make of it but I got her message loud and clear!

        …she wants him to make a fruit salad.

        Bless her heart!

        motivate-pics13

        Kenny Chesney & Uncle Cracker – When The Sun Goes Down

         

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      • Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments