Dragon Laffs #1583–The Frozen Midwest

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My dearest Campers,

It’s damn cold out!  Some of you are suffering worse than we are and we are really, really cold.  We have wind chills of –20 degrees and below.  That’s crazy!  My little brother, the Owl, lives in Florida and actually found out what the red area on the car’s heater switch was for.

Anyway, laughter is a great way to stay warm, so…what do you say we heat this place up!

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My back deck.  Yup, it’s just the beginning.

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I heard internet addiction is now an official mental disorder and you can go to rehab for it.  I’m only going if there’s Wi-Fi.

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I was born to be wild, but only until around 9 p.m. or so.

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Forget boob shots or boot shots.  Show me a pic of your medicine cabinet so I know what I’m dealing with.

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TRIAL AND ERROR.  BUT MOSTLY ERROR.  LIKE, A SHITLOAD OF ERROR.

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I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell of the bicycle, the bottle would break.

So, I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

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Not to brag, but I have one of those metabolisms that I can eat anything I want and still get fat.

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Everyone has a hidden talent they don’t know about until the tequila is poured.

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At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that asshole.

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I have been putting a lot of thought into it and I just don’t think being an adult is gonna work out for me.

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I wish Santa would publish his naughty list.  What a great way to meet people.

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Lady in the commercial for the Life Alert necklace said she fell and laid there for 8 hours until her friend came.  MY question is, why didn’t the cameraman help her up?

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That’s gonna have to do it for today campers.  Hope you have a great weekend.  Stay warm, stay safe and be happy.

Impish

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Dragon Laffs #1582

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  Well, the new year is starting off as cold as the old year ended.  Not surprising I suppose.  It’s New Year’s Day a little after noon and according to my phone it is -5°F and feels like -15°F.  Twelve hours ago at midnight, it actually felt warmer than it does now.  It was -10°F but felt like -10°F.  Funny, huh?

I hope you all had a great New Year’s Eve and that everyone got home safe and sound.  T start off the new year, let’s do some laughing.

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It is very important to belt your loved ones!

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That’s so funny.  I have to do the same thing.

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Oh Linus, I’m so with you there, buddy!

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Amen!

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No, you can’t ignore them.  Then they may just go off and ask someone else and you have no control over what they learn.

That’s it for today folks,

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1581 – Happy New Year!

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It’s been a LOOOONNNNGGGGG year!  One of the worst on record for the DL&LL family of enterprises.  I know…I KNOW that 2018 is going to be a better year.  It has to be.  It 15can’t hardly be a worse one. 

But, you know what.  No matter how bad it’s gotten for the Dragon family, no matter how close to the edge we’ve gotten, God has always been there to pull us back, keep us safe, protected us and blessed us.

16I’m sure there’s more than one Chuck Lorre fan out there.  He’s the producer of The Big Bang Theory among many other shows, and at the end of each episode he has what he calls his vanity cards.  Tonight I saw an old one from about this time last year and it goes like this:

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #545

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been spending most of my free time in the land of Not Yet. If you’re unfamiliar with it, Not Yet is a happy place where all the bad things that seem likely to occur have not happened… yet. I like to think of it as a shimmering, shivering soap bubble whose fragile beauty is only made greater by the knowledge that it will soon burst, making way for the dark realm of You Gotta Be Kidding Me.

But not now.

Not Yet.

And yes, I would love to say Not Ever, but that place doesn’t exist.28[3]

Yeah, that about describes it.  So, what do you say we get some laughter going and enjoy our weekend?

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I don’t know what you guys have planned for New Year’s but if you’re going to drink please make sure that you have a designated driver or other arrangements.  I want you all to be safe.

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Don’t we all know someone like this?

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Yeah, it’s definitely going to be the later for me.

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Have a great holiday and we’ll see you in the new year.

Love you Mom!

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Dragon Laffs #1580–Merry Christmas!

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Merry Christmas Campers!

And yes, this issue is late, but like they say, better late than never.  It’s been a long difficult8_2_64v week for me.  I finally have a couple of days off, but with the world being the way it is, I expect to be called back to work at any time.  Yeah, Merry Christmas.

Young thug dragonAnyway, I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, a wonderful holiday season and…well, let me put it in the words of my buddy Wheats in a text message that he sent me last night that I, of course, didn’t get until this morning since I was dead asleep pretty much as soon as I got home yesterday.67374963_1291353445_08

Anyway, buddy Wheats said, “I hope you and all the dragonettes have a great Christmas filled with the love and joy that come from the realization that Christ was born and is with us still. The miracle is alive and every year I think a lot about how His birth and existence changed everything.  It’s very humbling and worth every second of thought.  Merry Christmas!”  Thank you brother, you are the best!

Now, let’s get some laughs in here and then all go and enjoy the long weekend holiday.

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Please take a moment out of your busy holiday to pause and say a prayer for all of the men and women who won’t be home for the holidays this year because they are out protecting your freedom, your lives, and your way of life.  They do not get near enough thanks for their service and dedication.  Most people, at best, couldn’t give a damn and, at worst, despise them for what they think they do.  They raised their hands and swore to defend not only their family, friends, and loved ones, but yours as well.  And they more than deserve a minute of your time.

 

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My southern buddy sent me this picture of what the real nativity was like…three Wise men that came from a far.

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3d elf with candy cane

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Okay, that is just WAY TOO CREEPY!

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Dear Santa

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And with that my dear friends, I wish you all a wonderful holiday.  May your days be filled with Merry and Bright.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1579

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Good Morning Campers,

I can hardly wait until this weekend when the Christmas break…MY Christmas break, starts.  If anybody around the world does anything to screw this up, I swear I will take on the country myself.  A pissed-off ancient blue dragon is NOT anything they even want to THINK about dealing with!  These 12 hour days are kicking this dragon’s ass!

So what do you all say if we just go ahead and laugh?  I really, truly need it!

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Most people have “Ah-ha!” moments… I just have “Oh for fuck’s sake, seriously?” moments.

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Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships and decided they needed to spice up their love lives.

All three agreed to wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes that evening with their respective lovers.

After a few days, they met up for lunch and compared notes.

The engaged woman: “The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and, a mask.  He saw me and said: ‘You are the woman of my life. I love you.’ Then we made love all night long.”

The mistress: “Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat.   When I opened the raincoat, he didn’t say a word, but we had wild sex all night!”

The married woman said: “I sent the kids to stay at my mother’s house for the night when my husband came home.  I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.  As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said: ‘What’s for dinner, Batman?‘”

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Dear Santa,

Does naughty count if you do it very nicely?

 

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See you on Saturday!

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