Dragon Laffs #1915

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Good Morning Campers,

I have to share this with you guys before I forget.  Mrs. Dragon just read this to me.  “Bitch,  I will put you in a trunk and help people look for you! Stop playing with me!”  I thought, damn!  Then I thought, what the hell is she reading that people are sending her stuff like that.  THEN I thought, do I have something to be worried about? 

Anyway, it’s already late on Friday and I’m just starting out on this episode of Dragon Laffs.  Because this is a UTA weekend and I’ve got killer classes again this weekend.  I want to put out an issue because after this weekend I may be in no shape to put out one on Monday, lol.  But because of the run up to the UTA I’ve almost run out of time to put out THIS one. 

Gosh, it’s a good thing I love my job.

Anyway, Let’s get to laughing.  Because after the day I’ve had today … I really NEED to laugh.  It’s amazing the amount of really dumb people out there and I think I ran into EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM TODAY.

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All sex is casual sex is you’re not wearing a bow tie.

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Seriously Aussie Pete?

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Gambling Addiction Hotlines would do better if every 5th caller was a winner.

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I would hang this poster in my cave!!

If she can make you a sandwich after sex, you don’t deserve it!

No shit!  She shouldn’t be able to walk!

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If you are experiencing joint pain, you’re probably holding the wrong end.

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Q:  How much does a bee drink?

A:  Just enough to get a buzz…

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cookout

Pictures from our Independence Day Cookout

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The after-party was the best!!!!!

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Amen Mr. Pickles, Amen.

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This is what Jupiter looks like from the bottom.

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Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.

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Amen, little guy … girl … whatever!

Motivational

EARF

Epic Ass

Epic Boobs (2)

Epic Boobs

epic boobs2

Epic Buttocks

epic chest

Epic Cleavage

Epic Fail

Epic Hat

Epic

Epic_Skills_Bluff

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Know

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Don’t forget to drink water and get sun.  You’re basically a houseplant with complicated emotions.

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Where’s the Jameson?

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Weird Fact

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The town of Centralia, Pennsylvania has been on fire for 55 years.

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The last time I had faith in the news was when it was with Huey Lewis.

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The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance that you won’t go to work tomorrow.  Tequila gives you 1 in 5.

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And that’s it.  It’s bed time.  No real commentary this time and lots left out, but plenty of laughs.  Cheers my friends.

Impish

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1914

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Good Thursday Morning, Campers,

And a wonderful morning to you all.  It has been another week for the record books here at Dragon Central.  I have one of those over the stove (range … why are they called ranges?  What’s the difference between a range and a stove?  IS there a difference between a range and a stove?  Anyway, I digress …) I have an over the range microwave that is also a vent, light, etc … that came with the house, so I have no idea how old it is.  Well, it went out over the Independence Day weekend.  Izzy Dragon was making something in the microwave and it dinged and just went dark.  I, of course, being the electrical expert that I am, checked the circuit breaker, and then checked the plug to make sure there was electricity to the outlet … that exhausted my vast knowledge.  There might be a fuse inside of it somewhere that could be replaced, but I’ll be damned if I know where it might be.  And since I can’t even find a brand name on the damn thing, I can’t even look it up on line to find out.  So … spend $40 for a service call  (that’s just to get the guy to walk in the door) to find out if it can be fixed or spend $250 to $350 to replace it and know that it is fixed, since I have no idea how old it is, since we’ve lived here 6 years and it’s at least that old.

But, I should have expected it.

Why? You might ask?  Well, next week is Mrs. Dragon and mine 26th wedding anniversary and if you remember correctly, last year at about this same time was the great refrigerator and stove debacle of 2020.  Surely, you all remember THAT one.  (I know, don’t call you Shirley.)  

Sigh.  So yeah, it’s that time of year for one of our appliances to go out.  LOL!

Anyway, I just got a phone call on my government cell phone, I said hello and the guy on the other end of the line said, “Yes, sir.  You recently inquired and asked about help with your student loans, are you still needing help?”  I said, “No, I didn’t.” 

He said, “Yes sir, you did.”

I laughed and replied, “You are really going to argue with me about whether I asked for help with my student loans?”

“Yes sir, I am, because I wouldn’t have your number if you hadn’t asked for help and I’m here to help you.  You just don’t know that you need help.”

I had to laugh even harder and I told him, “Well, I will give you points for persistence, but I don’t have any student loans, never have had any, you’ve reached a federal agent and if you stay on the phone for about five more seconds I’ll finish the trace on your phone and send one of my agents round to talk with you, so just hang on for me.”

“Oh shit….” click

God, I love scam callers.

Now, how about we laugh about something … cause I need it

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I need that sign for outside my cavern

There’s a new guy starting at work called Wayne Bruce and I said, “Ah, my old nemesis Manbat” and nobody got it.  Honestly, I am wasted here.

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English Teacher:  Give me the opposite of this sentence: “Children in the dark make mistakes.”

Student:  “Mistakes in the dark make children.”

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I went to an archaeology party recently where they were only looking for remains of a lower leg …

… it was quite the shindig.

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What happened to the sailor who crashed his ship?

He had to go to anchor management.

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I think it’s adorable that they are putting jokes on the side of cookie packages …

Ha, ha, like listen to this one … Serving Size: 3 cookies

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More of my baby pictures

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Just got a role in a porno … I’m the spouse at work.

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Breathtaking

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This is what the clovers that cover the floor of the California Redwood Forest look like.

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These can’t be the men that Dolly begged Jolene not to take

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Yeah … I got nuthin’ … but it is a cool pic…

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Don’t let anyone ruin your day.

You’re an adult.  Do it yourself.

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Weird Fact

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The total length of Idaho’s rivers could stretch across the United States about 40 times.

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Exercise makes you look better naked.

But so does Tequila.

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I have questions …

I’m trying to give up sexual innuendos, but it’s hard … so hard.

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Encouragement

End_of_Days

endings

Energy Drink

Engine Servicing

English

Enthusiasm

Entitlement

Way too many people think this is truth!

envy

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I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

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My winter fat is gone.  Now I have spring rolls.

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Much more I wanted to add, but had a bit of drama around here … storms… spent a little time in the basement because of tornado warnings and a loss of power.  Had a difficult time convincing my two girls (Mrs. Dragon and Izzy Dragon) that the two old dogs would be better off locked in the bathroom upstairs than dragged down the basement stairs and possibly getting hurt on the very steep, very narrow stairs … anyway, all is well.  Just excitement and drama and another event where I didn’t get a picture of a tornado.  Dammit!  Still unfulfilled bucket list item.

But, I am now worn out and must get some much needed sleep.  So, until next time.  Good night, and fair thee well.

Impish

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1913

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Good Morning Campers,

It’s Monday and I hope everyone had a great Independence Day Weekend!  It was an exciting weekend at the Dragon cavern.  Izzy Dragon had her first real day of work at her first real job.  Since I’m writing this Saturday morning and since she’s still at said shift, I don’t know how it went, but fingers crossed and prayers currently being said … over and over again.  We all really want this to work out for her.  But, when she gets home in 2 1/2 hours I’ll let you guys know.

Anyway, moving on to other things.  Since it’s too early to talk about our donation program just yet, let’s move on to the laughter and then we’ll talk about the other stuff when we come to it.  Does that sound like a plan?  Good then let’s do that.

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I guess that’s the world’s shortest fairy tale.

[Inventing the toaster]

Engineer:  Ok, it burns the bread if you put it at 4

Chief Engineer:  Perfect.  Make it go up to 8

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How does an attorney sleep?  First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?  One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

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What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?  A maybe.

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I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.  I lost my case.

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Celtic Dragons are not to be ignored …

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Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?  Ireland.  Every day it’s Dublin.

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I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

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Son: “Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”
Dad: “No sun.”

The previous puns have been brought to you by Lynn … thanks Lynn.

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Fantasy Pic Green

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“It’s mine, mine, mine!  It’s all mine!”

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Mail box

What do you say we do some mail?  Here’s our first one from …

Leah D

Forget Banks, what about the IRS? I mailed my taxes March 23. I have been checking every day or two, they kept saying they have not received them. Three months later, On June 28, they say they received them (which means they actually opened them to be processed). On June 29, they tell me they are processed, and my refund will be deposited in 21 days.
They charge late filers interest, shouldn’t they give that to filers that have to wait?

Especially since it’s your money that they are returning to you.  But, everything is being blamed on COVID, so we are accepting unacceptable excuses for everything these days. 


Marsha M

Yeah good news on test….something good! Been stressful week. News is crazy…buildings falling.. I can not imagine what those families are going through…..also saw where bunch of beautiful ladies entered a beauty contest and was beat by a dude in a dress…sounds like a song I used to hear on the radio before the world got WOKE. I have had high bp since age of 24..40 years, the only thing i can say is perhaps it’s not really a problem… when my blood pressure goes up people around me get to live another day…my coping mechanism maybe.

Yeah, the world is crazy.  And that’s pretty much what the doc said.  Mrs. Dragon has had blood pressure issues since she was a teenager … pretty odd really.  But, there it is.  I’m glad the doctor thinks she’s going to be okay.


Cynical John

Thank you for everything you do. Thanks to everyone in uniform for what they do. I thank God I was born an American. Happy Fourth of July to everyone!

Thank you Cynical John for your words, and I am also quite proud and happy to be born an American. 


Leah D

Our military should not have to pay taxes on their wages! If you can call $14 an hour wages . . . .

$14 an hour for the job that they do AND to be unappreciated by at least half of the people they do it for.  Yeah and they pay taxes, too.

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Went on a date with a guy years ago and told him I might have narcolepsy to which he looked at me weirdly, changed the subject and he never called me back – years later he asked if I still fancied dead people and it turns out he thought I meant necrophilia.

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educated

efficiency

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Elephants

Elitism

email and bacon

Embaressment

Emo Bunny

Emo Cows

Emotional_Turmoil

And here’s some 4th of July cartoons and memes that I missed yesterday:

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And how does a 462 (a weapons mechanic … bomb loader … what I was when I was active duty) do a cook out … thanks to Wheats for sending this one to me!  And yes, I want one!

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Daughter:  What does gays mean?

Me:  Well, you know mum and dad love each other – two men can love each other the same way.

Her:  So, what does “penetrating gays” mean?

Me: Er … read me the whole sentence.

Her:  “She stared at him with a penetrating gaze.”

Me:  Oh

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 Trust me, When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome.

But shit happens.

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And the day after Independence Day, there should be some of these … most especially these …

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Hey California, since you are leading the charge in deciding to pay reparations to the descendants of slaves, I’ve got a questions for you …

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Read this and if you still think we need to defund the police, read the damn thing again!!!

I wasn’t going to use this next one this week, but I just read about fucking congress people and representatives bad mouthing Independence Day and well, fuck them.  I was going to save this next essay for a different day when we could debate it a bit, but fuck it.  Let’s get it all out there to talk about.  Thanks to Lynn for sending this one in:

Two Imperatives That Will Change

the Trajectory of Our Country

By: Cheval

May 28, 2021

Of all the problems facing our nation right now, there are two that rise above all the others, and, therefore, two imperatives that if not resolved, Americans will lose the ability to change the trajectory of our country and retain our freedoms.

Imperative One

The first imperative is that the 2020 presidential and senatorial elections must be corrected. That means taking action to right the wrong. The majority of Republicans and a growing number of Americans are becoming aware that the Left committed vast and monumental election fraud. Everything downstream of the fraud is consequently illegitimate.

Therefore, we have an illegitimate president, which has led to illegitimate executive orders, illegitimate Senate, and non-Senate-approved appointments to critical executive branch leadership positions. These individuals will continue to drive thus-illegitimate domestic, economic, and foreign policies, wreaking havoc and driving our nation further into the ground. Lack of legitimacy has eroded the US standing within the international community, greatly weakening American diplomatic, economic, and military influence. We also have two illegitimate senators from the state of Georgia and one from Arizona that have tipped the balance of power in the Senate, and indeed the entire legislature, resulting in one-party rule for at least the next two years.

Rightfully so, election audits are being conducted in Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, New Hampshire, Wisconsin, within other swing and non-swing states. However, the audits will take months or possibly years to adjudicate in the courts, running into the same deep state obstructions following the 2020 elections. The battle to make the 2020 election right needs to be waged in the court of public opinion sooner, not later, in order for the People to demand immediate action. Election fraud has been documented by hundreds of affidavits nationwide.

Statisticians and mathematicians have demonstrated that the results are computational impossibilities. Civilian and government cyber experts have the entire record of actual cyber-attacks on our election machines originating outside our nation’s borders before, during, and after the election. To date, the evidence has yet to be presented inside a courtroom.

What is being pursued by several state legislatures is to fix election integrity by tightening the more obvious controls that prevent fraud in order to take back the House in 2022 and the Presidency in 2024. This is all well and good, necessary, and monumentally important.

However, given the damage that Biden has done in a mere four months, imagine the damage a Biden-Harris presidency and a Democrat majority in Congress can do over two or four years.

We as a nation cannot afford as a nation to wait two or four years to combat damage that may be permanent and irreparable.

Although not a lawyer, I have contended that the only legitimate and acceptable way for the 2020 election results to be overturned is for state legislatures to decertify and then re-certify their election results, forcing Congress and the Supreme Court to resolve a constitutional crisis that cannot be brushed under the carpet this time, regardless of inevitable violence and blowback by the Leftist groups, lawyers, and media.

The illegitimate Biden administration must be deposed by legitimate means; otherwise, any challenge to overturn the results would be seen also as illegitimate.

There have been calls for another election; however, the cumulative time to complete audits plus the time necessary to put together another election would push things well into 2022 and beyond, fighting the Left all the way.

The true results from the 2020 election are known, awaiting audit validation, and will demonstrate that a clear reversal is in order.

However, the urgency and pace of the audits need to pick up. In short, lesser matters and distractions need to be put aside, and laser focus and resources placed on speeding up the audits to run concurrently, not sequentially, with corresponding legal cases built in anticipation of audit results.

We know what the audits will reveal. Let us not reinvent the wheel by holding yet another election that will be plagued with shenanigans as long as the same voting machines are still in use and election integrity legislation and associated safeguards will not have been enacted in time.

Imperative Two

The second imperative is that all Americans need to be made aware that COVID-19 pandemic was a fabricated global event, and was fabricated for political purposes to ultimately use as a means to seize political control of our government by the Leftist US and global elites to direct our health, our lives, and our freedoms. Using the pandemic as a pre-text, lives and livelihoods of millions have been destroyed or disrupted due to unwarranted government action.

Lockdowns, mask and distancing mandates running counter-science, flip-flopping CDC guidance, media suppression and censoring of vital health information, and now government threats and coercion to require vaccines and vaccine passports, are herding the populace down a path of no-return from which we will not recover unless stopped now.

Despite the hype, intentional deception, and fear-mongering by the media, the CDC, and WHO, those who have been following the true science have long ago recognized that the pandemic was less terrible than we were led to believe, perpetrated for nefarious reasons which remain unfathomable.

Americans were made to feel increasingly fearful. Yes, there was a virus, and yes, it is tragic that many of our loved ones did become sick and die. However, in generalized terms, the spread of the virus has been no deadlier and no more horrific than prior flu seasons or past pandemics.

There are four major indicators that would lead an open-minded rational person to conclude that the pandemic was manufactured.

First, per CDC data, the overall death rates in this country and across the world have been eerily similar in comparison with the overall and seasonal death rates experienced over the past few years.

Miraculously, regular flu, cancer, diabetes, and other causes of death fell at the same time Covid was on the rise. Government financial incentives enticed physicians and hospitals to categorize deaths as Covid-related deaths, grossly over-reporting the numbers. The media focused on fictitious total case and death counts, and conveniently failed to report the corresponding fall in other death causes and overall Covid recoveries rates.

Second, after multiple studies that were conveniently ignored by the media, we know that the survivability rate for Covid is 99.9X% for those under 70, nearly exclusively afflicting the 70+ population, the frail, and those with significant co-morbidities.

Third, PCR tests, a.k.a. Covid tests, amped up in sensitivity, were used to detect the minutest lingering virus traces from our pasts, leading to positive test results when people were in fact negative.

Consequently, Covid-related cases and deaths, the foci of the fear, were thus inflated and severely overreported. Researchers in southern California are now suing the CDC because out of 1500 Covid-positive samples sent to Stanford University and other labs for re-testing, 100% came back Covid-negative, but many tested positive for influenza A and B. These results alone should tell us that the number of cases has been wildly over-exaggerated.

When the WHO reduced the sensitivity of the Covid tests just after the Biden inauguration, the number of cases and the pandemic magically began to evaporate.

Fourth, studies and physicians around the globe have proven that Covid is and has been curable. Hydroxychloroquine, zinc, ivermectin, and large doses of vitamin D have been used for decades and have been proven as safe, low-cost cures for Covid. The continent of Africa was largely spared from Covid because millions take hydroxychloroquine regularly for malaria, known as the “Sunday -Sunday pill,” because it is standard practice to take on Sundays. The media, Big Tech, and the Left have gone to great lengths to suppress and censor this information, which would have saved tens of thousands of lives in this country. Why was the lifesaving information withheld?

Masks.

Any honest epidemiologist or virologist worth their salt will tell you succinctly that masks do not stop particles the size of viruses. One epidemiologist informed me that “stopping viruses with a mask is like trying to stop mosquitoes with a chain-link fence.” Mandated mask-wearing has been a ruse and a visual cue to help stoke fear, signal virtue, and make the grand fabrication appear more tactile and real.

So, we were led to believe that the world has experienced the largest pandemic known mankind, because of a survivable and curable virus that afflicts the old and frail, based on manipulation of testing statistics, either intentionally or unintentionally released upon the world. Why?

But wait, there’s more. This fraud of grandest deception is continuing now with the underreported number of post-vaccination deaths and serious side effects. What the public is now led to believe is that the gene-altering jab is a “vaccine,” but it is not a vaccine in the traditional sense. Short-term reactions, such as blood clots and heart problems, are emerging and long-term risks are unknown.

As of this writing, the CDC’s Vaccination Adverse Event Reporting System database, relying on voluntary reporting, for 2021 has recorded 4072 post- Covid jab deaths and over 272,000 post-jab significant side effects. During past epidemics, a vaccine would have been pulled with a mere 25 reported deaths.

There is speculation that the true purpose of the “pandemic” was to inspire the world’s population to want to be injected with a substance that is to this day experimental, non-FDA approved, authorized for emergency use only. On balance, there are more budding costs than documented benefits to a healthy population, not to mention significant profits for big Pharma.

Yet, despite the growing risks, Federal and state governments are doing whatever they can to incentivize and coerce people to get the jab and vaccine passports, or otherwise lose their freedoms of entry and access to businesses, events, travel, and educational institutions.

These restrictions are only the beginning. Again, why? Why the urgency while Covid is in retreat?

Control. This will not end well.

What’s next?

The strongest hand in poker is a royal straight flush. When holding this hand, the usual play is to go “all in.” By controlling big tech, Hollywood, education, sports, woke corporations, and now, based on fraudulent elections within a backdrop of a fabricated pandemic, the Left holds the levers of Federal government power. The Left believes it has a royal straight flush and has gone all in. It is not going to back down. This is their moment in time for the ultimate power grab.

One problem: The Left is missing the final card it needs; a.k.a. the People. The Left is making a bet that it will win – as long as the people remain silent, docile, provide unspoken consent, and remain compliant.

So, by saying we will get them next time by waiting until 2022 or 2024 to regain the levers of government is akin to thinking you will win back all your money when you are nearly out of chips. Was it not Einstein who defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? The only hand for conservatives to play is the hand we have now, which is based in truth, fact, and evidence. And we hold the trump card – the American people. When finally awakened, the People will not let the current state stand.

Therefore, the American people need to be carpet-bombed and saturated with the evidence of the two greatest frauds ever perpetrated in our history. Evidence needs to be packaged in a professional, unbiased, incontrovertible, simple enough to understand story so that all American people can understand how, why, and by whom these two frauds were perpetrated.

Evidence needs to be pushed beyond the reach of big tech, deep state, and mainstream media by every sharable means available NOW to all Americans.

Those who want to see the truth have seen the truth. Those not interested in seeing the truth need to have truth thrust before them. It is these people that need to be reached.

As more Americans are shown the evidence, there will be an increased upswell demanding further audits, explanations, justice for those perpetrating the frauds, and demands for state legislators to take immediate action to change our trajectory. We are beginning to see this, but it needs to accelerate.

Conservatives have been lulled into inaction and continue to lack a sense of urgency to stop the Left’s assault. The Left’s at-first slow march has accelerated to a now dizzying pace, reaching a crescendo with Biden’s first 100 days in office, negating many of Trump’s achievements and policies, while disingenuously implementing new policies intentionally disguised or purposefully hidden from the American public’s view prior to the 2020 election, now on full display. How can it get any worse, right?

We need the “great awakening” now. When the other side goes all in, you either go all in, or you fold. It is time to go all in; not business as usual, which is how we got where we are in the first place. Folding is not an option.

Reticent Republicans will not back these two imperatives unless they understand their own political peril and receive enough pressure from the People that we do not want to wait until 2022 or 2024 to gain back government control, and hence our country.

I contend that resolution of these two imperatives will change our trajectory and put us back on the right path.

The reason these two imperatives are so critical, in contrast to all the other problems that we need to solve, is that these two frauds, when exposed, will do more to finally awaken and demonstrate to the American populace and the rest of the world what the Left is truly about and that the People have been lied to and deceived.

We cannot fix the other failings in politics, culture, education, big tech, cyber, corporatists, domestic terrorism, and increasing threats from China if we do not fix the most pressing problems resulting from a fraudulent election and expose the pandemic for what it was.

Conservatives, Republican politicians, the People must act with urgency in order to take back control of the levers necessary to fix our problems. Resolution will put us on a path to restore our institutions by exposing actions of those behind the curtain, reveal the nefarious and evil acts perpetrated on humankind, and provide the means to ultimately bring down the deep state and hold those responsible finally accountable for the treasonous crimes still being committed against us all.

Last, when resolved, these imperatives will re-enable national and global leaders to take action to stop the advance of socialism, communism, and the other “-isms” plaguing our society, topple the perpetrators, begin the slow march back to freedom, thus restoring the faith of billions across the planet that America remains the world’s beacon and harbor of freedom.

Very well written, very well said, and I must say, I agree with about 95% of what this Cheval has to say.  Now … what do all of you have to say.

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A dentist married a manicurist … they fought tooth and nail.

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Breathtaking

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This is what a Russian Red Fox looks like.

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Know

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Weird Fact

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A highway in Lancaster, California plays the “William Tell Overture” as you drive over it, thanks to some well-placed grooves in the road

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Last Word

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Well, this is it.  The last day has come and gone.  And here is our final list of heroes!  A special thank you to each and every one of these special people who have stepped up and given a little something to help out our Security Forces Lady who was injured.  Everyone gave what they could and none gave more than any other because everyone who gave, gave what they had.  And those that didn’t give, gave their heartfelt wishes and prayers, so all of you should have your names here.  So, thanks to you all.

Steven H.     Dan T.     Leah H.     Carlos W.     Ray S.    

William E.     Carlos W. (again)     Jonathon J.

Donald G.     Patricia G.     Phillip S.     Stephanie C.

Scott H.     and     Impish Dragon

And to let you know how much was raised…when it was all said and done, our wonderful Dragon Laffs Campers raised a total of:

$610.24

And that, my truly wonderful and marvelous friends, ain’t something to sneeze at!  I am so proud of each and every one of you I could just bust!  Thank you all so much!  I will be VERY proud to represent you all when I turn this over to the family.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1912

4th of July

Good Morning Campers,4th of july

It’s the Independence Day Weekend!  Plenty to talk about; Plenty to go over;  So many things to enjoy in this edition of Dragon Laffs, not the least of which is the celebration of our country’s independence.  Those of you who are reading this from another country might find this episode a little boring and for that … well … I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m really not.  Because this is a really special weekend for us Americans. 

And those snowflake-assholes out there who are ashamed of our flag … yes, that’s you Gwen Berry, among others, you know the ones, those that kneel during the playing of the National Anthem, can find something else to do this weekend.  But, if they are looking for something to do, I’ll tell them what they can all do, they can …
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 And with that, let’s get this show on the road with another proud American Veteran.  The young Security Forces Lady who was hurt on Memorial Day.  I haven’t gotten any more updates.  I do believe that she is making good progress, she still doesn’t have feeling below the knee, but she is still fighting and we are fighting to help her out.  For those of you who don’t know, she was involved in a freak accident on a 4 wheeler, landed wrong, injured her spine and now may be partially paralyzed for the rest of her life.  She is married with young children and there will be medical care and child care expenses that a young military family is not set up to pay.  You may not believe it or not, but a young GI doesn’t make much money.  If you ever want to shock yourself … well no … let’s go ahead and shed some light on this subject.  Your normal E-3, with about 4 years of service who is given a gun and sent over seas to fight for his/her country is paid, before taxes about $14 an hour for a 40 hour week.  Except they don’t work a 40 hour week and they don’t get paid overtime.  They get paid about $28,500 a year before taxes … and yes, we pay taxes … to put their lives between YOUR lives and the evilness out there, to go where the politicians who start out at what, $125,000 a year and sit on their asses and get a retirement after 4 years, tell them to go.  These guys work for 20 years (if they live that long) for HALF retirement.  But, if you are in it for the money, you are in it for the wrong reasons.

Anyway, got a little bit off topic there.  We are here to talk about our own hurt hero.  She needs our help and now our time is up.  Today is the last I’ll bug you about it, the last time I’m going to ask … beg … you to help.  So many of you already have, but even a buck or two thrown in a bigger bucket with other people’s bucks goes a long way.  Just go up to the top of the page, hit the donation button and give a little bit.  After the long weekend, I’ll move the money, convert it to a visa gift card or something that my bank can convert and give it over to the family. 

452This is your last chance.  And here are our Dragon Laffs Heroes who’ve already helped out:

Steven H.
Dan T.
Leah H.
Carlos W.
Ray W.
William E.
Carlos W. (again)
Jonathon J.
Donald G.
Patricia G.
Stephanie C.
Philip S.

On Monday I will give you the total and the final list.  Won’t you add your name?

Now, I’d like to share a letter we received in an email …

Independence Day is a time of celebration and a chance to reflect on the founding ideals that make America great – life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  As members of our Nation’s military, we are dedicated to protecting these principles and furthering the fundamental premise of the Declaration of Independence – that all are created equal.

This weekend is also an opportunity to reaffirm our commitment to the Constitution.  With this landmark document, the Founders created “a more perfect Union.”  They understood that America is as much a concept as a physical nation, and that freedom and democracy would expand over time.

That’s not the entire email, but the part that impressed this dragon was the fact that he brought up the commitment to the Constitution.  When so many are trying to change it, make it into something that it isn’t or something else, it nice to see that some of our leaders are impressing upon us our oaths of office.  Very nice indeed.

And yes, I purposefully didn’t tell you who it’s from and I didn’t include the whole letter.  At some point someone is going to jump my ass for my opinions and my job crossing lines here at Dragon Laffs … why should I make it easy on them.

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From another email from an0ther branch of my organization …

On July 4, 1776, the Second Continental Congress ratified the Declaration of Independence, casting off the yoke of British colonial rule. The Declaration of Independence proclaimed that all men are created equal and endowed with certain unalienable rights, enshrining these ideals as the organizing principles for our nation.

These ideals hung in the balance as the Revolutionary War raged on until the Battle of Yorktown in 1781. Since that time, Americans have continually answered the call to defend our Nation and its principles for 245 years, securing the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for successive generations of Americans.   

This one stopped a little short of reminding us all of insuring us of our inclusion in all things and our equality in all things … lol.  But, I do like the little history lesson in this one.

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4th of July 3

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flag sparkle

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jet plane flag

This one is from Pete…

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Happy 4th of July

Okay, now a couple of the regular memes cause I’m all out of 4th of July stuff … just to round out the issue … edition … episode. …

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The board’s at the wrong height.

Happy Independence Day

 

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happy-independence-day

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Home of

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kateamerica2008c_800

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katerushmore2007_800

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paternity test

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rockets

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sparklers

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stands

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Really not meeting my expectations …

stars and usa

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T2Go-USAEagle-HomeSweetHome

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TGIF

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Why doesn’t that surprise me?

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And he shouldn’t!!!  Good for him!!!

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This one made me laugh till I cried, so that’s a really good place to end this one.  May you all have a happy and safe holiday.  Do not drink and drive.  Have a designated driver or party close to home.  It is a great weekend to enjoy yourself, but I want to see everyone of you back here on Monday.

My love to each and everyone of you.  Go donate and go have a great Independence Day.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon and the whole Dragon Family

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1911

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Good Morning Campers,

Not really sure what to talk about this morning … it’s Wednesday morning and I took the day off work to take Mrs. Dragon for her follow up with the doctor this afternoon to find out the results of her tests.  Soooo … right now I’m just kinda waiting for things to pass by so we can go to the doctor.

So, rather than try to figure out something to say, why don’t we just start out by laughing and see where this issue … episode … edition … takes us.

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That’s just wrong!

Funny …

But wrong!

Thanks to Stephanie for this really, really interesting article …

NASA Discovers Pyramid on Mars

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Over the years NASA satellite images of the Red Planet have shown some strange and often disquieting objects. Now, a stunning raw NASA image of a pyramid on the Mars surface has once again fueled speculation that Mars used to be the home of an alien civilization.

For the rest of the article and some really great pictures, click here: https://trinfinity8.com/nasa-discovers-pyramid-on-mars/

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When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid, she becomes a Def Leppard.

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My Credit Report?

It’s used as a comedy break in financial training seminars.

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Today, I learned that if you flip a canoe over you can wear it as a hat.

Because it is cap-sized.

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“Sweetheart, I have to tell you something important … you are adopted.”

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I ate a kid’s meal at McDonalds this morning.

His mom was furious.

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My check for fabric softener just Bounced.

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I just saw a news report that police are searching for a suspect accused of stealing from a farm’s nursery!  They’re saying the suspect…

…is on the lamb.

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Damn!!

Do U.K. websites use biscuits instead of cookies?

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Strong words.

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What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?

“Get in the boat, men!”

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Some rides are better pimped out then others.

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More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.

“Wow!  They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!”

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Breathtaking

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This is a process called guttation. The plant is expelling water due to a positive root pressure.

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Earmuffs

Ears

Easter bunny

Easter Jokes

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Easy Bake Oven

Eat Chocolate

Eavesdropping

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Economy

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What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?

Tea-Shirts

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Know

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Why are things typed up, but written down?

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This is too good not to share immediately! 

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We had Cured Ham for Christmas dinner.  We all wondered what illness it was cured of.

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Why do people say the “worked like a dog”?  Our dog just sat around all day.

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I’m a light eater.  As soon as it’s light, I start to eat.

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I used to watch golf on TV during the weekend, but my doctor told me I needed more exercise … so now I watch tennis.

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Weird Fact

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The entire Denver International Airport is twice the size of Manhattan.

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Why are you “in” a movie, but you’re “on” TV?

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Our second to the last update before we have to call it quits.  Which means you guys have two more chances … well, you have lots more chances, but I’m only going to remind you two more times.  Today and Saturday.  And then we’ll come up with a grand total on Monday. 

Right now here are our heroes:

Steven H.        Dan T.        Leah H.        Carlos W.        Ray S.        William E.       Carlos W. (again)        Jonathon J.        Donald G.        Stephanie        Patricia G.

You guys are wonderful! Truly you are.  I’m so proud of each and every one of you.    Anyone else who still wants to get in and help this special young military woman and her family, you still have time.  I’ll take donations up to the 4th of July and then I have to convert them over and turn them in. 

Thank you all!

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How come you never see Cupid with a girlfriend?

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Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?

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Thanks to our dearest friend Stephanie for this next one …

This was first published in the British humour magazine “Punch” on April 3, 1957:
But it is still VERY pertinent to banking practices today.
Q: What are banks for?
A: To make money.
Q: For the customers?
A: For the banks.
Q: Why doesn’t bank advertising mention this?
A: It would not be in good taste.  But it is mentioned by implication in references to reserves of $249,000,000,000 or thereabouts.  That is the money they have made.
Q: Out of the customers?
A: I suppose so.
Q: They also mention Assets of $500,000,000,000 or thereabouts.  Have they made that too?
A: Not exactly.  That is the money they use to make money.
Q: I see. And they keep it in a safe somewhere?
A: Not at all.  They lend it to customers.
Q: Then they haven’t got it?
A: No.
Q: Then how is it Assets?
A: They maintain that it would be if they got it back.
Q: But they must have some money in a safe somewhere?
A: Yes, usually $500,000,000,000 or thereabouts.  This is called Liabilities.
Q: But if they’ve got it, how can they be liable for it?
A: Because it isn’t theirs.
Q: Then why do they have it?
A: It has been lent to them by customers.
Q: You mean customers lend banks money?
A: In effect. They put money into their accounts, so it is really lent to the banks.
Q: And what do the banks do with it?
A: Lend it to other customers.
Q: But you said that money they lent to other people was Assets?
A: Yes.
Q: Then Assets and Liabilities must be the same thing?
A: You can’t really say that.
Q: But you’ve just said it!  If I put $100 into my account the bank is liable to have to pay it back, so it’s Liabilities.  But they go and  lend it to someone else and he is liable to have to pay it back, so  it’s Assets. It’s the same $100 isn’t it?
A: Yes, but….
Q: Then it cancels out.  It means, doesn’t it, that banks haven’t really any money at all?
A: Theoretically……
Q: Never mind theoretically!  And if they haven’t any money, where do  they get their Reserves of $249,000,000,000 or thereabouts??
A: I told you.  That is the money they have made.
Q: How?
A: Well, when they lend your $100 to someone they charge him interest.
Q: How much?
A: It depends on the Bank Rate.  Say five and a-half percent.  That’s their profit.
Q: Why isn’t it my profit?  Isn’t it my money?
A: It’s the theory of banking practice that………
Q: When I lend them my $100 why don’t I charge them interest?
A: You do.
Q: You don’t say.  How much?
A: It depends on the Bank Rate.  Say a half percent.
Q: Grasping of me, rather?
A: But that’s only if you’re not going to draw the money out again.
Q: But of course I’m going to draw the money out again!  If I hadn’t  wanted to draw it out again I could have buried it in the garden!
A: They wouldn’t like you to draw it out again.
Q: Why not?  If I keep it there you say it’s a Liability.  Wouldn’t they be glad if I reduced their Liabilities by removing it?
A: No.  Because if you remove it they can’t lend it to anyone else.
Q: But if I wanted to remove it they’d have to let me?
A: Certainly.
Q: But suppose they’ve already lent it to another customer?
A: Then they’ll let you have some other customers money.
Q: But suppose he wants his too….and they’ve already let me have it?
A: You’re being purposely obtuse.
Q: I think I’m being acute.  What if everyone wanted their money all at once?
A: It’s the theory of banking practice that they never would.
Q: So what banks bank on, is not having to meet their commitments?
A. YOU GOT IT!

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I just realized that military barbers shave their privates.

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What if Snow White was just pretending to be asleep so she didn’t have to clean up after little people anymore?

I totally get that.

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Sometimes I forget I already told a particular person a story and I start telling it again, please just let me do it, it means I want to talk to you and my brain doesn’t work.

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Husband: [Sneezes]

Me: ……..

Husband:  You’re not even gonna say bless you or anything?

Me:  I’m sitting here you with you, hun.  You clearly have been blessed already.

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Last Word

Well, we just got home from the doctor’s office and we got really good news.  Mrs. Dragon’s tests all came back very positively!  Some minor issues, but nothing outside the scope of her age.  As for the fluctuations in her blood pressure, he thinks that just might be her.  So, I don’t want to go too deeply into her medical conditions, since, you know, it’s her and not me, but suffice it to say that we got really good news today and I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my chest.

But, I thought I would share that with you guys, and thank you all for all the prayers and good wishes you guys have sent to us over the last months while we have been going through this.  We’re not done yet, but it is certainly looking MUCH better than it has been.

Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments