Dragon Laffs #1857

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Jerry Mouse

Good Morning Campers,

So … Bernie Sander’s mittens are a display of white privilege, male privilege, and class privilege.  Well, this is a humor site and I have to 405say that is one of the funniest things I’ve heard in a long, long time.  Thank you Ingrid Seyer-Ochi, a former UC Berkeley professor, for giving me a good long belly laugh.  And thanks also for being a former teacher, glad you no longer have an influence on our impressionable young people. 

Oh, and thanks to Stephanie, who I think has made it her life’s d17mission to send me every single Bernie meme ever created.  I don’t particularly like the man, but if I find any of them appropriate, I might use them, but I do appreciate all the sends.

There are more than enough things to be pissed off about.  I think it’s friggin’ hilarious the amount of people who are now pissed off at Biden because he promised them $2000 checks if they voted the way he wanted them to vote in Georgia, made out right promises to them (which is illegal, by the way) and now is saying that they might … MIGHT get $1400 to equal $2000 if you add the $600 we already gave you.  But it wasn’t you that gave us $600, that was Trump, they all scream!  You LIED!  Well, no shit!  You didn’t see that coming?

Hmmm, let’s see.  Anyone who uses Executive Orders is a dictator … that’s a quote by Mr. Biden (and yes, you are correct, I have yet to put the word President along with his name because I don’t believe he deserves it) and yet I think we are up to 40 EOs from the office so far.  So … LIAR again. 

And … oh, let’s just skip to the punch line.  We all know he stole the damn election, whether through the media, the fake ballots, or the dominion electronics, or what all…he still wasn’t elected fairly.  So … the biggest lie of them 406all.  I would ask, how could he look himself in the mirror, but evil people don’t give a shit about stuff like that.  Look at Pelosi,  she can’t possibly have any mirrors anywhere near her, they’d all crack anytime she glanced their way.  That’s why she has to go  to the salon so much, someone else has to do her hair, she can’t look in a mirror.

Anyway, I’ve tried to be as gentle in this opening as I can … I didn’t even mention how pissed off I am with Biden sending millions of our hard-earned money overseas to pay for abortions while we have over 37,000 homeless Veterans … men and women who literally swore to give up their lives to protect each and every one of us… or the fact that he put over 100,000 people out of work by shutting down the pipeline so he could pay back his supporter by shipping the oil by rail … oh … at three times the cost.  Or the fact that he has thrown open our borders while we are in the midst of a (supposed) pandemic all while 1 in 7 adults are worried about not having enough food to feed their families.  Nah, I didn’t even mention HOW FUCKING PISSED OFF I AM ABOUT ALL OF THAT!!!!

Well … I am.

So … we better get to the laughter, because I’m getting madder and madder thinking about it.

Let's Laugh

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I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD …

… it cuts like a knife.

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If you die in the same Hospital in which you were born, your average velocity will be zero.

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Someone asked me what to do with left-over bacon.  I have never heard of that kind of bacon.  Is it new?

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This made me laugh so hard I cried.  Maybe because it’s me …

Threw out my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing so I’m probably just one strong fart away from complete paralysis.

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Dragon Pix

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Sometimes it’s fun to shrink down and play with the kids next door.

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Well played, sir.

The Keystone pipeline.  Cancelled by Biden on first day.  Warren Buffet owns the railroad that is now transporting all that oil.  Warren Buffet donated 58 million to Biden campaign.  Warren Buffet would lose billions in transport fees if the pipeline is completed.  See how politics works?  It is not an environmental issue, it is a money issue … it is ALWAYS About THE MONEY!

And it’s our money!  It costs $3 dollars a barrel by pipeline and $10 a barrel by train … who’s going to pay the difference?  WE ARE!!!!

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Fantasy

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Fairy Porn

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You really gotta wonder

Looking for a married woman, recently cheated on, mad and scorned, who is willing to sell her husband’s tools for cheap.

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A homeless guy asked me for money today.  I looked in my pocket and all I had was a $20 bill.  “Do I really want this money going towards drugs?”, I thought to myself.  “Nah!”  So I gave him the $20.

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Motivational

Activism

Yeah, no shit…

addiction

admit it

Adobe_Photoshop

Adoption

Adventure

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Adversity

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Advertising 2

advertising

Advertising_Savvy

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Political

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A news reporter asks Michael Jordan if he thought the 90’s Bulls could beat Lebron’s Lakers …

MJ said yes …

Reporter asks by how much?

MJ replies by 2 or 3 points.

Reporter asks why such a close game?

MJ … well most of us are almost 60 now …

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Wow … you think that the news is unbiased, open, and uncontrolled … watch this: https://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/what-happens-when-one-company-owns-dozens-of-local-news-stations/86562567/

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And I have to call it a night.  I’m sorry this was a short one.  Working again this weekend, we’ll have to see how it goes for the next two issues.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1856

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snoopy plane

Good Morning Campers,

Well, it’s Saturday morning and we’re waiting on the biggest snowfall of the season.  Right now … nothing.  They (the el405usive “they”) are predicting 4 to 9 inches.  Or 5 to 7 inches or 3 to 112 inches.  It all depends on who you listen to.  Northern Indiana Weather Service at the last is calling for 4 to 9 … and they’ve been the most accurate in the past, so that’s what I’m going with…

…but like I said, right now … nothing.

So, we’ll see.

2b2aAnd the craziness just keeps on coming.  The latest?  A Norwegian lawmaker has nominated the Black Lives Matter movement for the 2021 Nobel Peace Prize for bringing racial inequities around the world.

Yup, I shit you not.  The same group that felt it was appropriate to burn down a Walgreens because a thug basically killed himself and that it was the right thing to do to riot and loot and steal 70 inch TVs are the right folks to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

I am continually amazed at how fucking stupid people can be.  That’s like rewarding your 10 year-old kid for burning down your house.  That’s how we get stuff like the story we were talking about a couple of issues ago.  The family that was killed in Indianapolis and a teenager was arrested for it.  Turns out it was their own 17 year-old son who did it because he was going to get in trouble for being out without permission the night before.  Again … I shit you not.

Welcome to the world of doing what you want, when you want, for whatever406 reason you want.  For, gone is doing the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason.

Integrity, you lovely lady, I do so miss you.  You held on as long as you could, didn’t you?

407But, how do we, at Dragon Laffs, battle these ridiculous problems we’re facing?  This overwhelming stupidity that seems to be prevailing against not only Common Sense, but the actual Laws of Nature?  How do we handle all of that here?

Why, with laughter of course! 

We laugh in the face of bullshit!

coollogo_com-51996905   

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If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything else:

Stamps – Lickie Stickie
Defibrillators – Hearty Starty
Bumble Bees – Fuzzy Buzzy
Pregnancy Test – Maybe Baby
Bra – Breastie Nestie
Fork – Stabby Grabby
Socks – Feetie Heatie
Hippo – Floatie Bloatie
Nightmare – Screamy Dreamy

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This is so bad, I’m almost ashamed to print it here … I’m going to, but I’m also going to blame it on Stephanie…

Warning

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea – one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, “I’m bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten…”
As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, “Your wish is granted”, and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time went on (as it invariably does…) and Justin found himself Becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn’t realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can’t believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail – it’s much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. “Where’s Christian?” he asked.
“He’s at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark”, came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian’s house.
As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.
“Christian replied “No way man, you’ll eat me. You’re a shark, the enemy and I’ll not be tricked. ”
Justin cried back “No, I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed.”…
……”I’ve found Cod, I’m a prawn again Christian”.

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Yeah, I know, right?

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Why does my wife always wait until I’m at the opposite end of the house before asking me to: “Merm Frner Mernferr Brnerfer:?

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coollogo_com-25881092

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That special time spent with friends.

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And amazed that it is so.

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I believe in you!

I also believe in Bigfoot, so don’t get all fuckin’ excited.

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Another member of the Dragon Laffs Security Team.

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Yup … and still around and still kicking.

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Yup, remember that, too.

Behind every husband who thinks he wears the pants …

Is a wife who told him which pants to wear.

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These weekends are starting to feel like a 30 minute lunch break.

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And God yet gives us hope for the future.

I’m giving up wine every day all month!

No wait!  That came out wrong.
I’m giving up.  Wine every day, all month.

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Yup, passed that one, too.

TODAY’S WORK FROM HOME TIP:

Blowing on the wine in the mug will help convince your Zoom Meeting that your tea is hot.

PS: Still no snow

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Yup, passed that one, too.

Me:  Please bring me a screwdriver.

Her:  Flat head, Phillips, or Vodka?

And that was when I knew she was THE ONE.

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And again for that one!  Damn, I’m old.

Why do eggs come in flimsy Styrofoam cartons and batteries come in a package only a chainsaw can open?

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If they put the vaccine in beer and opened up the pubs, the whole country would be vaccinated by next Thursday.  Just trying to help.

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Not me…

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coollogo_com-52456244

abandonment

Abby Normal

Acceptance

Accident Porn Area

Accomadation

Accomplishment

Accordion Hero

Achievement

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Acid

Acting the Part

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Well, it’s Sunday morning and we got some snow … about 6 inches it looks like.  Although with blowing and drifting there are places where it’s a lot deeper.  And we’re supposed to get some more.  So…we’ll see.  Just got back from clearing the front and back porch, the car and making sure I can get the car out if I have to … and I learned an important lesson … I’m too fucking old to shovel snow!

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mail2Stephanie

You know, my Dear Imp, there have always been idiots in our country. I wish news and legal channels had the cojones to call an idiot an idiot and don’t give them a second thought. I’m so sick of media manipulation. Once you could trust what was broadcast, might not like it, but you knew it was the truth. Now, just follow the money and selectively offend.
Love you

You are so right, dear friend.  I miss the days of unbiased reporting.  When watching the news was actually watching what happened instead of someone’s screwed up opinion of what happened.  And passing that off as the news.  How about just telling us what happened and letting us decide what it means?  I think it started because people became too stupid to think for themselves…or too lazy.

Anyway, prayers and love still headed your way my dear friend. Love you right back.

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Glad to see he rushed right out to report her missing.

Mail

Leah D

I have put on way too many pounds since covid hit. I know a LOT of other women have too. How? Because every time I go online to buy some ‘comfortable’ knit pants, my size is all sold out!
I’m blaming Walmart and Smiths Grocery. I place my order online, and bless their hearts, they get it all ready for me to drive up, open my trunk and go.
When I get home, after I have sprayed the invoice, I see they were ‘out of’ my milk, or some other item I really need. So I have to put in another order, and since it has to be over a certain amount, I buy more than I need. Now I can’t stand to waste food, so I end up waisting it!

Thanks Leah, that was probably one of the most amusing emails I’ve received in a while.  Cheers, dear friend.

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Looks like I’m not the only one who got “a little snow” … got this email from Steve H.

Impish, we had one hecka of storm come through. Most people think it doesn’t snow in Arizona. But here in Prescott, we’re at 5600 ft in elevation. And this was the largest storm since 1980 and finally our drought is over. The photo is my driveway and that’s a van that’s completely covered.412

Steve … that’s a lot of snow.  Thanks for sharing.

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The Bozo criminal for today comes from Virginia Beach, VA. Bozo Allen Hansen was due in court to face charges of auto theft. Police detectives watched in amazement when the Bozo pulled up in front of the courthouse driving a beautiful new Volvo with New York license plates. Since the cops knew the Bozo couldn’t afford a new car and wasn’t living in New York, they decided to run a license plate check on the auto. Sure enough, our Bozo had stolen a new car to drive to his court appearance on the auto theft charges.

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On Jan 28, 2021 …
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A new study found that people who take their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits.

And people who order a quad shot, non-fat, vanilla soy, extra foam, light whip with caramel drizzle are more likely to be their victims.

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As well it should.  I saw a shirt the other day that said that I am a Veteran, I can fix stupid, but it’s gonna hurt.  I think we see an example of that above.

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And with that last nice tribute to dragonkind, we’re going to end this issue here.  Have a wonderful week, until we meet again.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1855

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cat3

Good Morning Campers,

It’s the weekend … finally … and I actually have the weekend off … finally … well, at least at this point, anyway.  The way this week, month, year has been going there is no telling.  I may end up working this weekend…but I have to say, in all seriousness … I better damn not!!!!!

Sigh.

The life I lead.

Anyway, as of right now, all is well, and for that, we need to celebrate.  And how do we celebrate at Dragon Laffs?

WE LAUGH!

Lets laugh

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Wow … here are some powerful words …

Lord, this looks like a dead end, but so did the Red Sea.  This looks too big to conquer, but so did Goliath.  This looks like it’s over, like insurmountable odds, like the end of the story – but so did the cross.  I’m laying it at your feet and reminding my heart this is your story.

The Lord has ALWAYS taken care of this Dragon’s household, even when it seemed impossible.

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“WELL, MAYBE IF YOU DIDN’T CALL THEM THROW PILLOWS!” … I yell as I’m being escorted out of Bed, Bath & Beyond …

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Bookdragon

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I gotta admit … I have the utmost respect for a woman who says, “Let me check with my husband first.” OR a man who says “Let me run it past the wife and I’ll get back with you…”  See, what people don’t get is, it’s not that you can’t make a decision on your own, it’s just that when you are in a relationship, you value the other person so much that you DON’T make decisions on your own.  A GOOD relationship is not just about being exclusive – it’s also about being inclusive.

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Stephanie sent this to me until the subject line of … “Then again, maybe it’s magic”

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And the answer is …

Stephanie is right … it’s friggin’ magic!

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Dragons

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“I see a dragon in your future…”

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Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, “these just feel out of your seat.”

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A naked man in Florida has been arrested after allegedly stealing a marked police car and crashing it into a wooded area.

Officials from the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office in Florida told the Associated Press that Joshua Shenker, 22, was arrested on Thursday after police responded to reports of a naked man running along Interstate 10 shortly before noon.

When officers responded, Mr Shenker was seen lying naked in the road before he then ran across the highway lanes towards the police, the department claimed on Thursday.

Authorities confirmed that Mr Shenker stole a vehicle belonging to the City of Jacksonville, while First Coast News footage showed that it was a marked police car. The department did not reveal how the vehicle was stolen.

The police report revealed that around $10,000 (7,309) worth of damage was done to the vehicle that Mr Shenker crashed into a wooded area next to the highway.

Mr Shenker was taken to a local hospital as a precaution on Thursday, and the department noted that he was suffering from road rash after lying naked on the highway.

Ellis Burns, the assistant chief at the sheriff’s office, told WJXT that officers suspected that Mr Shenker was “possibly intoxicated or high” as they told him that the 22-year-old appeared to be in a state of “excited delirium”.

The assistant chief added that Mr Shenker was “fighting officers. He had no clothes on, he’s able to run to the car and fight one of our officers.”

The 22-year-old was charged with theft of a motor vehicle, depriving an officer of means of communication or protection, aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer, and resisting an officer without violence.

Mr Shenker is being held on a $4,011 (£2,931) bail. Jacksonville prison records do not list an attorney for him.

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Fantasy

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Don’t we all have that brother-in-law that likes to play “dress-up”?  Or am I the only one?

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So … it’s an old joke that’s been updated for the times, but it’s still funny …

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will          you have?”

The guy says, “Martini.”

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says,” 168.”

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious..So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Martini.”

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “100.”

The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.

He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Martini,” and the robot brings him another great martini.

The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “Uh, about 50.”

The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Biden?”

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Me: “How much for the baby dragon?”

Pet store clerk: “Sir, that’s a lizard.”

Me: *not listening* “When do they start breathing fire?”

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Politics

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I’m in a Wal-Mart parking lot watching a woman who can’t remember where she parked.  Every time she holds her remote in the air, I honk my horn.

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Motivational

A discrace

a guy walks into a bar

A helping hand

A Jump  B Shoot

A modest Proposal

A network cable

A rack

A trip to the Vet

A_Nations_Gratitude

A-10s

AA

AARP Rule

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Do you need a current license to drive an electric car?

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YUCK!!!

Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian.   It was the least I could do for him.

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Whenever someone says they did something “like a boss”, I assume that means they didn’t do it at all, and are just taking credit for it.

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What do you call a person who migrated to Sweden?

An artificial Swedener.

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My friend once texted me and said, “When you sit on a toilet, you’re connecting your butthole to a city wide network of connected buttholes.”  How do I unthink this?

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This is truly awesome advertising.

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Okay, so that winds it up for today… three more to call it even.

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And that’s it my friends.  Wish it could have been more.  But, we got to laugh together and that’s important and nothing to put down.

So with that, until next time.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #1854

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flowerbone

Good Morning Campers,

Another last minute issue, I’m afraid.  It’s late on Sunday and I’m trying to put this together for Monday.  I’ve worked hard all weekend and it’s been “one of those weekends” but I have things to say and want you guys to hear them … although I’m not sure I’ll get a chance to say them since it’s almost easier to just throw some cartoons, memes and such out there and let it go at that.  But, let see how it goes, shall we?

Lets Laugh

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To be sure to get to these, I’m going to start with some comments:

Dave

The clown at the beginning of today’s post, that will trade his left nut for a super bowl ticket, must have played too many games without a helmet. It clearly says he wants to complete the transaction after the game. My question is this . . . Why would anyone trade a nut for a used, canceled ticket.

Because, Dave … there are some people who are just, plain stupid.

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Larry S.

Here is a scenario that I haven’t read yet…..Biden becomes “incapacitated ” by whatever excuse they come up with. In that case, Harris becomes the first female president. Now, if something should happen to her ( and I could see this happening ) guess who becomes president? The Speaker of the House! (Aka: Pelosi) God forbid!!

Larry … you are an evil man … but I hope and pray not a prophet.

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Leah D

As I stole your jokes & toons, and commentary to post on Facebook, my mind kept assigning an odds number to them . . . as in, what are the odds FB will censor it?
You have been the provider of stress relief all these years, by way of laughter. Now it seems, by providing a safe haven where we can vent also. (this is where we all clink our glasses and raise them in tribute to you)

Thanks Leah.  I hope this is a place where all can vent, express their opinions and share.  That is what I do.  I’m not sure how much longer the thought police will allow us to print what we want to print, but until they shut us down, we will continue to allow open expression of thoughts and ideas … and laughter.

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Pete AKA JPH

It’s nice to see my memes and writings posted in your blog, thank you. I’m not sure where you got them but, the funny thing is I tried to send them to you but couldn’t figure out how to get them to you. I have more if you let me know how to send them.
Pete AKA JPH

Thanks Pete.  I’m not sure how I got them either if I didn’t get them from you.  I must’ve gotten them from someone who got them from someone who got them from you … or some combination thereof.  You can reach me directly by emailing me at impishdragon@gmail.com.  Would love to hear from you directly.

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Larry S.

Impish: Did you see where our new Commander in Chief ( sic.) Had the flags from all the services removed from his Oval Office?. IMHO, that is disgraceful and bodes ill for our service members for the next 4 years. Comments??

It’s especially disgraceful since he called in 20,000 National Guardsman to protect his candy-ass from “We The People” for his fraudulent swearing-in.  Now, I understand that everyone in the military is nothing but White-Supremacists and Terrorists.  I think it’s actually kind of funny that half the time they are talking about “Martial Law” and the other half of the time they are making the National Guard guys sleep in the garage and throwing the flags out of the Oval Office.  If they think the American People are going to put up with UN Troops (i.e. The Chinese) being brought in to enforce Martial Law, they have another think coming.

And after almost 30 years of military service … it also PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF!  Put my flags back in my Oval Office, you little prick!

Those are my comments … how about you guys?

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PAUL B

How are you doing ? I’m concerned.I’ve seen some comments about things at your place. Hope all is well

Thanks Paul.  Doing as well as can be expected I guess. Unless you are speaking of something specific I’ve eluded to, then, I’m afraid I won’t go into details about things that I can’t.  But, I will say it’s been rough both personally and professionally and your good wishes and prayers are both appreciated and helpful.

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Jeannie – aka Gracie

Hey Impish ! Great sends again!
My son is in the National Guard and has been in DC for a month already.
This was/is a Biden/leftist display of “power.”
They do NOT respect our Military and I’m so pissed about this!!
It’s disgusting. And the media just kisses the lefts asses.
I am disgusted.

Hey Jeannie/Gracie … long time dear!  Yes … it’s pure bullshit.  I teach class to my Air Force folks and at the end of every class I make sure I tell them thank you for their service and how much I appreciate what it is they do.  Well, the last two days I’ve given them an extra little talk from my “unique perspective”.  I’ve been around for a while and have seen some things.  I tell them that what they are doing is important, that it matters, that it means something.  That it’s not just one weekend a month, two weeks during the summer.  I told them that they were going to hear some shit over the next couple of months, but that what they needed to do was rely on each other, listen to and lean on the men and women who were in charge of them that they respected, but under no circumstances were they do buy into the crap that is being spewed from the mainstream media about the military.  Know that I and many others on the base were proud of what they were doing and were very thankful for what they have done.  And if they ever had any questions or concerns and had no other person to talk to or ask, they could ALWAYS come talk to me and I would be available 24/7 for any member of any branch.

And Jeannie/Gracie … you can pass those sentiments on to your son and his buddies in the NG from Impish Dragon and his buddies here, who are a bunch of old vets, who appreciate the hell out of what the young vets are doing.

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Dragon Pics

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“Who’s the little one?  He looks delicious.” 

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If you don’t pay taxes, you get sent to a place you don’t have to pay taxes.

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“This one is strange to me because it was so long ago that I’m convinced I have to be remembering things wrong.
I was a young kid and, at the grocery store, I saw this small toy helicopter that I really wanted for some reason. I, of course, didn’t buy it, but the memory of it was stuck in my head. A few nights later, I had a dream that I was playing with the helicopter, but I realized it was a dream. In the dream, stupid young me thought that, if I put it under my pillow, it would still be there when I woke up.
After that, I woke up and eagerly checked under the pillow. It was right where I left it in the dream. As a kid, I wasn’t surprised to find it there, but years later I still have no clue how the toy helicopter actually got underneath the pillow.”
 

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Fantasy

f2011040504

There’s a story here …

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And another one here.

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These are the top 10 dumping lies translated to their true meanings for all of you.
“I’m not ready for that type of commitment”
     Translation:
I don’t want to date you; however, you can take me out to dinner and a movie every once in a while. Just don’t hang around me so much that you scare away the people I really want to date.

“God doesn’t want me to date right now. ”
     Translation:
I don’t know why I said ‘yes’ in the first place. God doesn’t want me to date someone as ugly as you.

“I only date older men/women.”
     Translation:
I only date older men/women who have more money than you do.

“You’re just not my type.”
     Translation:
When I look at you, and think of kissing you, I get physically sick.

“You’re too good for me.”
     Translation:
I’m too good/much/cool for you.

“You’re too much like a brother/sister”
     Translation:
I like you, but you just don’t turn me on.

“You’ll always have a special place in my heart.”
     Translation:
My lawyer will contact you soon about the restraining order.

“I think we should date other people.”
     Translation:
Look, I’m late for my date, he/she’s probably waiting in the parking lot. I’ve got to go.

“I just don’t have the time to date anyone.”
     Translation:
You do realize that I’ve been avoiding you for months now.

“Maybe we can get together real soon.”
     Translation:
Perhaps if you were the last man/woman on Earth.

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“Let’s just walk up the hill to the terminal, rather than wait for the bus,” I suggested to my two young sons.  Much to their displeasure, we began our walk.
After a while, my seven-year-old son asked: “Mom, why do you always make the decisions?”
“Because I’m an adult,” I said.  “When you become an adult, you’ll make the decisions.”
He thought for a few seconds, then said, “No, I won’t.  Then I’ll have a wife.”

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Well … as you can tell, this didn’t go out on Monday like I had wanted, so I guess it is going to be Thursday’s issue…just too much going on.  My apologies my friends, but I will tell you, as time goes on and this administration becomes more of a pain in the ass to our military members, there’s going to be more and more for me to do, so me being delayed here might become more and more of a thing.  The world is going to hell in a hand basket.  You may have seen on the news of a family being slain in Indianapolis over the weekend.  Mother, Father, some kids, including a pregnant lady and her unborn child.  Just read that they arrested a 17 year old kid for the murders.  In little Indianapolis.  To hell in a hand basket.

We really need to laugh.

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Here’s another one of those things that I wish I had written cause the more I think about it the harder I laugh.

Most people are assholes.  Don’t believe me?  Next time you’re in a crowded room shout, “HEY ASSHOLE!” and see how many people turn around and look at you.

Now think about how well that would work…

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Motivate

50 Cent

99Problems

120DB Bass Music

1937 Monster Tank Rally

1970s

Yeah, it was like that…

1987

REAL vampires are NEVER sparkly bitches.

2002

2021 – Who the fuck are those people?

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155488 (2)

155499 (2)

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Huh … mine, too.

Two men were out hunting in the woods.
One of them was a fanatical huntsman and he went hunting as often as he
could.
The other was his friend who is a peaceful nature loving fellow, who didn’t really want to hurt anything.
They had been out in the woods for some time, when they picked up the tracks of a deer.
They soon caught up with it, and when they saw it, it was obvious why it had been so easy to catch up to – it had a terrible infection over it’s left eye, which it couldn’t even see out of.
The hunter started to take aim with his shotgun, but his friend begged him to stop.
Hey! he said, “Can’t you see that’s a bad eye deer?”

3a

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Sex with human, ok.

Sex with cow, not ok.

Grabbing cow titty, ok.

Grabbing Karen in accounting’s titty, not ok.

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politics

There’s been a lot of shit lately that has pissed me off … this helps … a little:

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And you don’t think that’s coming?  Then you’re foolish.

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AMEN, BROTHER!!!!  I WANT THIS SHIRT!!!!  Mrs. Dragon says she can probably find it.

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And not worried NEAR enough about our own American people!!!!!

410

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My neighbors complained about me groaning too loud having sex in the morning … if they only knew I’m just trying to put my socks on …

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Well, it’s been a week my friends.  And there have been a lot of things that have really chapped my ass this week, but this that I read today really topped my list.  So, I decided to make it my …

Last Word

The apparent stupidity of people knows no bounds.

From an article written by Brie Stimson of Fox News, it seems that San Francisco’s public school system now finds George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Thomas Jefferson intolerable historic figures and have voted to have their names stricken from schools bearing their names…to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars.  Why oh why are the Father of our Country, the Freer of Slaves and the author of the Declaration of Independence unworthy of having a school named after them in the San Francisco Public School System?  Because Washington and Jefferson both owned slaves, and Lincoln, who ended slavery, “became controversial because critics claim he oppressed indigenous people.”

ARE

YOU

FUCKING

KIDDING

ME!?!?

Oh, and these aren’t the only people who are unworthy of having schools named after them:

Francis Scott Key, who wrote the words to the national anthem

Former Presidents William McKinley, James Garfield, James Monroe, and Herbert Hoover

Revolutionary War hero Paul Revere

And Author Robert Louis Stevenson.

Oh, and the best … “Replacing signage at the 44 schools will cost more than $400,000, according to the Courthouse News.  The price tag could also go up to around $1 million for schools to get new activity uniforms, repaint gymnasium floors, etc., according to the Chronicle.  The district is facing a budget deficit.” So … they have no money, they OWE money, and they want to spend more of YOUR money because their panties are in a bunch of a perceived hurt from the name of the school!  From what would otherwise be considered a national hero!  Let me say it one more time:

ARE

YOU

FUCKING

KIDDING

ME!?!?

What I want to know is who put these FUCKING IDIOTS in charge?  These are the people who are responsible for teaching our children and helping them to grow up to be responsible adults?  Seems to me that all they are going to teach them to be is whinny ass little pussies like they are.  There are so many important things to be upset about in this world.  Why don’t you put some effort into the homeless military veteran problem in your area?  Or the number of American Children that are going hungry?  No.  You’d rather spend our hard earned money on your poor little feelings being hurt.

YOU ARE A BUNCH OF DUMB ASSES!!!

And that’s it for me today my friends.  I hope to put together a much better issue in the near future.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1853

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0aa3

Good Morning Campers,

Well, it’s Friday night and I’m just now getting to start this issue, so I’m not sure when it’s going to be done.  It’s been a tough couple of days for me…personally, professionally, emotionally, you name it and it’s been going on.  AND I have a really long weekend ahead of me work-wise, so … you see what I’m saying here.

Are you pickin’ up what I’m layin’ down?

I actually backed out of a dart tournament tonight … I NEVER back out of a dart tournament.  Especially because I’m the league tournament director.  But, I just can’t do it tonight, not the least of which is because I have to be at work at Oh-dark-hundred in the morning…but mostly because there is just too much going on right now. 

Anyway, you guys don’t want to hear what’s going on with me, so let’s get to the fun stuff, cause there’s enough bullshit going on out there for us to battle that there might not be enough jokes to laugh at in the whole world to hold this crap load at bay.

Let's Laugh  7259

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Said That

In spite of the brutal hate display by Queen Pelousy and her ilk, this is exactly how I feel about it. One day I hope justice is served to her on a silver platter. 



My days on earth are numbered;  But before I fade away, there is something important I need to say. It may not be important to anyone else; but it’s important to me.

Win, lose or fraud…President Trump. I just want to say thank you for the last four years.

Thank you for making it cool to be an American again.

Thank you for showing us that we don’t need to be under China’s thumb anymore economically, or any other way.

Thank you for one of the strongest economies we’ve ever experienced in my lifetime. Thank you for all you have done for the minority communities, and the outstanding decrease in the unemployment rate you had.

Thank you for making it feel good to love our country and to be a proud patriot again. Thank you for supporting our Nation’s flag and the men and women who fought for the freedom that stands behind that flag.

Thank you for supporting our nation’s law enforcement organizations, and understanding how difficult their job really is.

Thank you for quelling the flood of illegal immigration, and bringing to justice the thousands of criminals that flood brought us.

Thank you for giving corporations a reason to come back to America to make our own products and put Americans back to work.

Thank you for bringing our troops home from endless deployments that presented us with little more than body bags; and for your commitment to strengthen our military.

Thank you for operation warp speed and keeping your promise in bringing the Covid 19 vaccine to us in less than a year.

Thank you for your never-ending attempts at bringing peace to the Middle East and your support for Israel.

Thank you for your Tax relief, and thank you for our energy independence. Most of all though…

THANK YOU for taking a damn rotten job that you never had to take!!

Thank you for caring enough for this country to want to try and make a difference.

Thank you for showing America how little Career Politicians actually work for their constituents; and for showing us how much those politicians despise you for showing America how easy it is to build a great nation, rather than rape her to line their own pockets and stock portfolios.

Thank you for allowing us to experience a President that wasn’t a lifelong politician, but a lifelong American.

THANK YOU MR PRESIDENT….. WE DID OUR BEST…. 

I truly wish I had written this, it is well written and eloquently said.  Thanks to whoever did write it and thanks to Bill E for sending it my way.

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Our Aussie buddy Peter writes:

I watch the newscasts about America and find it all hard to believe. 

It’s like I’ve tuned into a movie like ‘LONDON HAS FALLEN’  half-way through, with road-blocks and armed soldiers pouring into cities.

What do you think will happen in a couple of days?

Peter.       

Peter, I wish I had an answer for you.  It’s crazy over here right now.  I understand that ANTIFA is rioting in some cities even though Biden has been elected.  I figured that shit would have quit but apparently, they don’t need a reason to burn down a Starbucks.  The democrats don’t trust the military and things are going to get more crazy before they settle down.  I don’t like to be a fortuneteller, because right now, no one will be happy if I read their palm, but … hang on to your popcorn, this movie is just getting started.

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Okay, you guys have to watch this one, it is hilarious.  This poor cop pulls over a guy and finds his own wife cheating on him in the passenger seat: https://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/cop-catches-his-own-wife-cheating/86547070/

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Sometimes you meet someone and you know from the first moment that yu want to spend your whole without them.

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Respect the red, white, and blue

We found out recently that President Trump left a letter for Biden, a long tradition between presidents.  Dragon Laffs have exclusively received a copy of the letter and we’re going to share it with you, are faithful campers:

406

The more I get to know people, the more I realize why Noah only let animals on the boat.

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Bozo criminals for today come from Oxnard, California where four men were arrested for trying to pass counterfeit money. Our bozos, ages18-22, were on a guys night out and decided to visit a gentleman’s club for a little entertainment. To impress the girls, they were passing out the fake bills rather freely. As luck would have it, one of the dancers who received a $100 tip from the bozos works during the day as a bank teller and can spot a phony bill in her sleep. She called the cops who arrested the bozos before they even left the club.

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It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow, she’s been leaving jewelry catalogues all over the house, so I’ve bought her a magazine rack.

Yeah … you’ll be fine.

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Many thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who alerted us to this bozo story. From Wilmington, Delaware comes the story of bozo Wayne Jones who held up a bank, getting away with a substantial amount of cash. Moments after leaving the bank with his loot, the red dye pack inside the bozo’s cash sack exploded, spraying dye all over the money and all over the bozo’s hand and arm. A few minutes later, an officer searching for the suspect noticed our bozo standing outside an apartment building. As it happened, the officer and the bozo knew each other, which is why our bozo raised his hand and waved at the officer. The same hand that was stained with fluorescent dye. He’s been provided with a nice clean cell with plenty of soap and water.

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I would trust Pee Wee Herman sitting behind me in a movie theater, while out on a date with OJ Simpson, after eating dinner at Jeffery Dahmer’s house, and having drinks at Bill Cosby’s Bar with Flint Michigan Ice Cubes, all while Case Anthony was babysitting my children before I would trust the democrats counting votes …

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Here’s our problem in a nutshell:  The US Constitution is a document that was written as an instrument to be used to restrain the actions of the government.  For the last 120 years or so, the people in government, especially the liberals, have not agreed that they should be restrained by “We The People” and believe that they should have the free power to restrain “We The People” instead.

We have sat by, as a nation, for all those years and let them slowly misinterpret, dismiss, and rewrite the Constitution to a point where we now just roll over because the power hungry have infiltrated all levels of our government and institutions and are now to the point where they believe they alone are masters of the country and will punish any who disagree …

… AND WE HAVE LET THEM DO IT! …

Thanks to Sasquatch for sending that one along …

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The party that believes I should feel guilty based on the color my my skin wants me to “Unite” with them?  I don’t think so!

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I had someone ask me the other day, “How do you know which side are the good guys?”  I told her it’s usually the side that doesn’t support burning buildings, erasing history, attacking the police, race baiting, taking away your rights, and silencing free speech.

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And there it is Campers!!!!

I do not condone the breaching of the Capitol Building by any means.  It was wrong on many levels.  BUT!!  I you did NOT condemn, AND in fact condoned and encouraged the BLM and ANTIFA Riots, Murders, Lootings, and Destruction of American Cities and Business Owners, AND backed the dropping of charges and release of those responsible for those crimes – YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!!

Okay, so this issue is turning out A LOT more political than I thought … but I just publish what I get and I’m trying to put enough together for an issue for tomorrow before I fall asleep …. so …. deal with it.

LOL!

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How Can You Tell The Truth Is Being Told?

Well, when …
Facebook blocks it,
Twitter deletes it,
Google hides it,
YouTube bans it,
The Media censors it,
And your Government forbids it.

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“Fact Checkers” didn’t exist until the Truth

started getting out.

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And to show you how much I am appreciated around the world … there’s this one:

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There are two types of Biden supporters:

Billionaires and Idiots … Check your bank account to see which one you are.

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All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom.  For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

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And this is what happens when you DON’T honor me!!!

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Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson and New York Times Magazine’s Nikole Hannah-Jones, who agreed that there is a need for “millions of Americans, almost all white, almost all Republicans” to be “deprogrammed” and punished before the country should “move on to reconciliation.0a3

“There are millions of Americans, almost all white, almost all Republicans, who somehow need to be deprogrammed. It’s as if they are members of a cult, the Trumpist cult, and have to be deprogrammed,” Robinson said on MSNBC Tuesday.

0a

Deprogrammed and Punished … come try motherfucker!

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And I’m afraid that’s it my friends.  Good Night.  It’s an issue.  It’s not much of an issue, but it’s an issue.

Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon.

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments