Dragon Laffs #1657

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Good Morning Campers,

So obviously, I didn’t get to publish after last week’s announcement.  And it’s late on Friday right now, so I’m not sure how in-depth today’s issue will be, but I suppose we’ll find out.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who passed on their love and condolences to Diaman.  I know she appreciates it and feels your love.

So, it’s been a week…and not a good one.  I won’t go into great detail, but it’s been a tough mental week for me.  So, I need to laugh as much as the rest of you, if not more so.

So, let’s get to it, shall we?



I’m going to the gym now.

Not bragging.

Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.


Apparently, when you donate blood, it has to be your blood.


Whenever I am out with my family and someone says, “Wow, you have a beautiful family!” I reply, “Well, we left the ugly ones at home.”


This morning I used Redbull instead of water to make my coffee.

After 15 minutes driving on a highway I realized I left my car at home.


Oh my God!  I need those!  It’s got an actual National Stock Number which means I should be able to get it out of supply!

My wife and I toss a coin to settle our arguments.  If the coin comes down, she wins, if it stays suspended in air forever, I win.


My cousin posted, “Am expecting twins” so I commented, Finally 2 kids from the same man.  Then she blocked me.


I used to think I was indecisive, now I’m not so sure.


This is so true…

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. 6c
So she went to check it out.
She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?
“Morris Feinberg,” he replied.
“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”
“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.”
“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.”
“I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a fucking wall.”


A blonde woman visits her husband in prison.  Before leaving, she tells a correction officer, “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that!  He’s exhausted!”

The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding?  He just eats and sleeps and stays in cell.”

“Bullshit!” the wife replies.  “He just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for months!”


An attractive woman turned to the man in the business suit behind her in the elevator. “Excuse me,” she asked, “but aren’t you Little Johnny?”
The man cleared his throat, “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.”
“Oh,” she gushed, “I’ve always wanted to meet you, Little Johnny. And now that we’re together,” she continued throatily, “I’ll tell you what I’d like to do. I’m inviting you back to my room, where I’ll kneel in front of you and pull out your cock and suck it till you have a giant hard-on and suck it some more until you come all over my face…”
“I don’t know,” said Little Johnny, thinking it over. “What’s in it for me?


Bigamy, they say, is a vice,
And more than one spouse is not nice.
But one is a bore,
I’d prefer three or four,
And the plural of spouse is spice?








Q. What did the fresh egg say to the boiling water?
A. “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”


“Doctor, I think my breasts are filled with water,” said Sue to her doctor one day. “Why is that?” he asked. “Because,” she said, “any time a guy presses them my pussy gets wet.”


What do you call a woman who wants sex as much as you do?

A dream.


A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks at him.
The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?”
The guy says, “I’m from Iowa.”
The bartender asks, “What the heck you do in Iowa?”
The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender asks, “A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?”
The guy says nervously, “I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, “It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!”


Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It’s got to be hot. You’ve got to take your time. You’ve got to stir… gently, and firmly. You’ve got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.


Laying a carpet is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you’re adventurous – like me – you might like to try an underlay.


Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.


Putting up a tent, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an’…slip in to the old bag.


Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You’ve got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you’ve got a nice wet sponge.


And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You get on the couch, string ’em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.


Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight – particularly if it’s a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.


Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up while not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you’ve got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there’s plenty of shot in your bag.


One very hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, ‘Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?’

The blonde said it was hers.

‘Your dog seems to be in heat,’ the officer said.

The blonde replied, ‘No way. She’s cool ’cause she’s tied up under that shade tree.’

The policeman said, ‘No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be bred.’

‘No way,’ said the blonde. ‘My dog doesn’t need bread She isn’t hungry ’cause I fed her this mornin.’

The exasperated policeman said, ‘NO! You don’t understand. Your dog wants to have sex!’

The blonde looked at the cop and said, ‘Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.’


A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a “handy-woman.”

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he said, “How much will you charge me?”

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man’s wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”

He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”

The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we’ve been getting by email lately.”

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” the startled husband asked.

“Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

“And, by the way,” the teenager added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”

seems legit

Seems Legit32 (2)

Self potrait

Self Support

Selfdestruct sequence

Semper Fi




Sesame Street

And that’s it my friends.  Until next week.


Impish Dragon

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With My Most Heartfelt Sadness


My Beloved Fellow Campers,

It is with a very heavy heart that I must tell you of the passing of Momma Diaman’s sister Jeanie.  It is not my place to give you details, but it is my place to ask you to pause for a moment and offer a prayer for her family and friends.  It has been a tough road for Diaman and Jeanie and all we can do is offer our continued support and love. 

Love you, mom.  If there is anything you need you just ask.


I know that none of us really feel like laughing after that, and the week that I’ve had sucked, so I’m going to post this now and maybe over the weekend I’ll put out a regular issue.

With all out prayers and love to you Diaman.

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Dragon Laffs #1656




Well, we start a major exercise on base on Wednesday.  12-16 hour shifts through Sunday.  Now, I love the overtime, but it doesn’t leave any other time for anything else.  So, here I am on Tuesday evening trying to finish this up for Saturday, so I’ll tell you right up front, you get what you get this week.


So, without any further ado, let’s give you what you are really here for and…

Let's Laugh


I hate it when I see an old person and then realize we went to high school together.



Trump to start deporting Democrats.
Mexico responds by starting to build border wall.



“Crap!  That’s due tomorrow?” ~ Thomas Jefferson, July 3, 1776


Live would be easier if you could mark people as spam.


Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.





Someone needs to throw water on Nancy Pelosi.  I’ve seen The Wizard of Oz.


There’s no such thing as Government Funded…it’s all Taxpayer Funded.



My Life is About as Organized as the $5 DVD Bin at WalMart.


For those that don’t want “Alexia” listening in on your conversations, they’re making a new male version…it doesn’t listen to anything.


My boss asked for two things we like most about our job.  Apparently, lunch time and quitting time weren’t the right answers.


Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly?  I feel that way about far too many people.


The lady in the commercial for the life alert necklace said she fell and she couldn’t get up.  She laid there for 8 hours until her friend came.  My question is, why didn’t the cameraman help her up?


Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.
















My husband told me he saw a fox on the way to work this morning…I said, how do you know he was on his way to work?






Screw Kung Fu

Screw the deathstar




Second Amendment

Secret Passageways





Give me coffee to change the things I can

And wine to accept those that I cannot.


My favorite essential oil is bacon grease.


Some days coffee is the only reason I still have friends and a job.




I sent that “Ancestry” site some information on my family tree.  They sent me back a pack of seeds and suggested that I just start over.


And that’s it my friends.

Until next week.


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Dragon Laffs #1655 Memorial Day

Memorial Day

Good Morning Campers and Happy Memorial Day Weekend,dart board

What a week it’s been.  Last weekend’s charity dart tournament was a huge success, although it was an exercise in stamina.  We started at 8 am and didn’t finish up until after midnight.  I didn’t win any of the matches, but had a blast, just the same.

Now, it’s Memorial Day.  Flag and EagleA day we remember the sacrifices that our Service Members have made for all of us throughout history.  If you are a Military Veteran, a current member of our Military, a Policeman, Fireman, Ambulance-man,  or anyone else who runs towards the sirens, gunfire, explosions, or screams or a family member of any of the above, then you have my eternal gratitude.  Thank you for your service.

At one point in time, each of you raised your right hand and swore to give up EVERYTHING, up to and including your life, for the protection and well-being of others.  Most of you probably felt, as did I, that you were protecting your friends, your family, and your loved ones.  But, in reality, you’re also protecting MY friends, MY family, and MY loved ones.  And for that, you deserve my eternal thanks.  You deserve everyone else’s gratitude, but I can’t control that.  Only my own.  And you have that, from the deepest part of my heart.


History.com says:

Memorial Day is an American holiday, observed on the last Monday of May, honoring the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military. Memorial Day 2019 occurs on Monday, May 27.

Originally known as Decoration Day, it originated in the years following the Civil War and became an official federal holiday in 1971. Many Americans observe Memorial Day by visiting cemeteries or memorials, holding family gatherings and participating in parades. Unofficially, it marks the beginning of the summer season.

I disagree that it just honors the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military.  The Indiana State Police have a Memorial Day Service every year, as do, I’m sure most every police organization in the country.  I know the fire departs do the same thing.  So, I believe that this holiday is for all the service members and we should give our thanks to all that serve and protect.



Continuing from History.com:

Early Observances of Memorial Day

The Civil War, which ended in the spring of 1865, claimed more lives than any conflict in U.S. history and required the establishment of the country’s first national cemeteries.

By the late 1860s, Americans in various towns and cities had begun holding springtime tributes to these countless fallen soldiers, decorating their graves with flowers and reciting prayers.

Did you know? Each year on Memorial Day a national moment of remembrance takes place at 3:00 p.m. local time.memorial day

It is unclear where exactly this tradition originated; numerous different communities may have independently initiated the memorial gatherings. Nevertheless, in 1966 the federal government declared Waterloo, New York, the official birthplace of Memorial Day.

Waterloo—which first celebrated the day on May 5, 1866—was chosen because it hosted an annual, community-wide event, during which businesses closed and residents decorated the graves of soldiers with flowers and flags.



Decoration Day

On May 5, 1868, General John A. Logan, leader of an organization for Northern Civil War veterans, called for a nationwide day of remembrance later that month. “The 30th of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet churchyard in the land,” he proclaimed.

The date of Decoration Day, as he called it, was chosen because it wasn’t the anniversary of any particular battle.Flag

On the first Decoration Day, General James Garfield made a speech at Arlington National Cemetery, and 5,000 participants decorated the graves of the 20,000 Union and Confederate soldiers buried there.

Many Northern states held similar commemorative events and reprised the tradition in subsequent years; by 1890 each one had made Decoration Day an official state holiday. Southern states, on the other hand, continued to honor their dead on separate days until after World War I.




So, I’m not sure if that was meant for Veteran’s Day or Memorial Day, but I like it, it brought a tear to my eye, so it’s going in here.




History of Memorial Day

Memorial Day, as Decoration Day gradually came to be known, originally honored only those lost while fighting in the Civil War. But during World War I the United States found itself embroiled in another major conflict, and the holiday evolved to commemorate American military personnel who died in all wars.

candleFor decades, Memorial Day continued to be observed on May 30, the date Logan had selected for the first Decoration Day. But in 1968 Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, which established Memorial Day as the last Monday in May in order to create a three-day weekend for federal employees; the change went into effect in 1971. The same law also declared Memorial Day a federal holiday.



Yes…it’s much more expensive then many, many civilians realize.


Memorial Day Traditions

Cities and towns across the United States host Memorial Day parades each year, often incorporating military personnel and members of veterans’ organizations. Some of the largest parades take place in Chicago, New York and Washington, D.C.memorial-day-poppy

Americans also observe Memorial Day by visiting cemeteries and memorials. Some people wear a red poppy in remembrance of those fallen in war—a tradition that began with a World War I poem. On a less somber note, many people take weekend trips or throw parties and barbecues on the holiday, perhaps because it unofficially marks the beginning of summer.


American War Cemetery in Italy
Many veterans are buried abroad, near where they died during battle.  Pictured is an American cemetery in Impruneta, Italy.


And this one is at Arlington National Cemetery


The WWI Origins of the Poppy as a Remembrance Symbol

The Remembrance Day symbolism of the poppy started with a poem written by a World War I brigade surgeon who was struck by the sight of the red flowers growing on a ravaged battlefield.


From 1914 to 1918, World War I took a greater human toll than any previous conflict, with some 8.5 million soldiers dead of battlefield injuries or disease. The Great War, as it was then known, also ravaged the landscape of Western Europe, where most of the fiercest fighting took place. From the devastated landscape of the battlefields, the red poppy would grow and, thanks to a famous poem, become a powerful symbol of remembrance.


Across northern France and Flanders (northern Belgium), the brutal clashes between Allied and Axis soldiers tore up fields and forests, tearing up trees and plants and wreaking havoc on the soil beneath. But in the warm early spring of 1915, bright red flowers began peeking through the battle-scarred land: Papaver rhoeas, known variously as the Flanders poppy, corn poppy, red poppy and corn rose. As Chris McNab, author of “The Book of the Poppy,” wrote in an excerpt published in the Independent, the brilliantly colored flower is actually classified as a weed, which makes sense given its tenacious nature.

Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, who served as a brigade surgeon for an Allied artillery unit, spotted a cluster of poppies that spring, shortly after the Second Battle of Ypres. McCrae tended to the wounded and got a firsthand look at the carnage of that clash, in which the Germans unleashed lethal chlorine gas for the first time in the war. Some 87,000 Allied soldiers were killed, wounded or went missing in the battle (as well as 37,000 on the German side); a friend of McCrae’s, Lieutenant Alexis Helmer, was among the dead.

memorial day 2

Struck by the sight of bright red blooms on broken ground, McCrae wrote a poem, “In Flanders Field,” in which he channeled the voice of the fallen soldiers buried under those hardy poppies. Published in Punch magazine in late 1915, the poem would be used at countless memorial ceremonies, and became one of the most famous works of art to emerge from the Great War. Its fame had spread far and wide by the time McCrae himself died, from pneumonia and meningitis, in January 1918.

Across the Atlantic, a woman named Moina Michael read “In Flanders Field” in the pages of Ladies’ Home Journal that November, just two days before the armistice. A professor at the University of Georgia at the time the war broke out, Michael had taken a leave of absence to volunteer at the New York headquarters of the Young Women’s Christian Association (YWCA), which trained and sponsored workers overseas. Inspired by McCrae’s verses, Michael wrote her own poem in response, which she called “We Shall Keep Faith.”

memorial day 3

As a sign of this faith, and a remembrance of the sacrifices of Flanders Field, Michael vowed to always wear a red poppy; she found an initial batch of fabric blooms for herself and her colleagues at a department store. After the war ended, she returned to the university town of Athens, and came up with the idea of making and selling red silk poppies to raise money to support returning veterans.


Michael’s campaign to create a national symbol for remembrance—a poppy in the colors of the Allied nations’ flags entwined around a victory torch—didn’t get very far at first. But in mid-1920, she managed to get Georgia’s branch of the American Legion, a veteran’s group, to adopt the poppy (minus the torch) as its symbol. Soon after that, the National American Legion voted to use the poppy as the official U.S. national emblem of remembrance when its members convened in Cleveland in September 1920.

On the opposite side of the Atlantic, a Frenchwoman named Anna Guérin had championed the symbolic power of the red poppy from the beginning. Invited to the American Legion convention to speak about her idea for an “Inter-Allied Poppy Day,” Madame Guérin helped convince the Legion members to adopt the poppy as their symbol, and to join her by celebrating National Poppy Day in the United States the following May.

memorial day 4

Back in France, Guérin organized French women, children and veterans to make and sell artificial poppies as a way to fund the restoration of war-torn France. As Heather Johnson argues on her website devoted to Madame Guérin’s work, the Frenchwoman may have been the single most significant figure in spreading the symbol of the Remembrance poppy through the British Commonwealth countries and other Allied nations.

Within a year, Guérin brought her campaign to England, where in November 1921 the newly founded (Royal) British Legion held its first-ever “Poppy Appeal,” which sold millions of the silk flowers and raised over £106,000 (a hefty sum at the time) to go towards finding employment and housing for Great War veterans. The following year, Major George Howson set up the Poppy Factory in Richmond, England, in which disabled servicemen were employed to make the fabric and paper blooms.vet or memorial

Other nations soon followed suit in adopting the poppy as their official symbol of remembrance. Today, nearly a century after World War I ended, millions of people in the United Kingdom, Canada, France, Belgium, Australia and New Zealand don the red flowers every November 11 (known as Remembrance Day or Armistice Day) to commemorate the anniversary of the 1918 armistice. According to McNab, the Poppy Factory (now located in Richmond, England and Edinburgh, Scotland) is still the center of poppy production, churning out as many as 45 million poppies made of various materials each year.

In the United States, the tradition has developed a little differently. Americans don’t typically wear poppies on November 11 (Veterans Day), which honors all living veterans. Instead, they wear the symbolic red flower on Memorial Day—the last Monday in May—to commemorate the sacrifice of so many men and women who have given their lives fighting for their country.

“In Flanders Fields” by John McCrae

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

And that, dear friends and loved ones, seems a fitting place to end this issue.  My love to you all, until we meet again.


Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1654

Bad Week

Dear Campers,

Gotta get ready for our annual Linda Foote Dart Tournament tomorrow morning.  Linda was the lady who started our dart league about 30 years ago.  She died of cancer, and every year we raise money for cancer.  I’ll be there from about 8 am till after midnight.  Mrs. Dragon is in the kitchen right now baking brownies, cookies, and all kinds of stuff for donations.

Hopefully we can beat our last year’s total of $3000. 

Hey, if any of you guys want to help us out, just hit the donation button and I’ll make sure it gets added to the total.

But in the meantime….

lets laugh



Household hint: Stop dusting, and you can use your coffee table as a message board.


If war breaks out between India and Pakistan, who will answer the phone at the call center?


I heard Bill Clinton might be joining Joe Biden on the campaign trail – it will be called “Our Fondling Fathers.”


A man walks down the street when suddenly he hears a tiny voice above him saying: “If you make one more step, a brick will land on your head and kill you.

Surprised, the man stops just as a huge brick crashes down right in front of him.

Stunned, he continues on his way, and after a few minutes hears the voice again: “Stop! Don’t cross the road, if you do, the next vehicle will run you over!” The man freezes and again is almost hit by a speeding car.

The man sighs a sigh of relief and asks the air: “Who ARE you?!?”

I am your guardian angel!” Answers the voice joyfully.

REALLY??” says the man in sudden anger, “Then where the heck were you when I got MARRIED??”


I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what Kale was.


I just saw a donkey crossing the road.

Cool thing was, he looked both ways before crossing.

What a smart ass.


Vampires are real!!!  Everyday I meet at least one person who sucks the life out of me.


I did a push-up today.

Well, actually, I fell down.  But, I had to use my arms to get up so… close enough.


“For better digestion – I drink beer.  In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine.  In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine.  In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch.  And when I have a cold, I drink schnapps.”

“When do you drink water?”

“I’ve never been that sick.”







AND LET US ASK OURSELVES, “WHAT IS FAIR TO OUR MILITARY VETERANS?”  It is total and complete BULLSHIT the way that our country has treated our Vets who need help.



SOCIAL SECURITY is a mandated retirement program that all of us who work for a living have paid into for many, many years.  What the fuck right do illegal aliens have to money that I fucking worked for??!!  My God, the stupidity and audacity of some people is overwhelming!!  They say that Mrs. Dragon won’t be able to draw Social Security because she got disabled and didn’t work enough years…only about 15 years.  But, she can’t draw disability either because we don’t have enough money to hire a good enough lawyer to fight for it…not really the point…the point is, the illegal aliens didn’t pay ANYTHING into this mandated retirement program and they should be able to draw from it??!!


Now, let us continue.


I’ve found that growing up in the sixties was lots more fun than living in my sixties.



Just kidding.  I have no idea.





We gotta do some of these….







Say maybe to




I must apologize for this next one ahead of time…but I just couldn’t resist…

Before my surgery, the anesthetist offered to use gas, or knock me out with a device used to propel a canoe…. It was an ether / oar situation.


I decided to pick up a summer job to try and raise some money to replace this damn laptop…


Okay, let’s throw in a bunch of final funnies and call it a day.  I gotta get ready to throw some darts.


Yeah, and?  I don’t see the problem with this.






I think I married her sister once.





And with that I’ll say Cheers until next week.

Love you guys,

Impish Dragon.

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