Dragon Laffs #1818



Good Morning from Alpena, Michigan!

antAnd I do mean morning!  It’s Monday at 0430 in the damn morning.  After a LONG drive yesterday I was so damn tired that I crashed early which means that I woke up early this morning so I thought I’d get a start on writing to you guys since there isn’t a damn thing I can do for an hour or so.  Yesterday was completely uneventful, got here, went with the guys to eat.  Came back to the room, read for a while, got things unpacked and crashed.  My achy body woke me at about 0400 and I tried to talk it out of it, but it wasn’t listening, so here I am.

Waiting for breakfast to open.

So … let’s get to the laughter, shall we?

Let's Laugh 5



My dentist told me I need a crown.  I was like, I KNOW, RIGHT?



If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it’s working.



Yes!  And that’s a legitimate request!!!!

Nerd?  We prefer the term “intellectual bad ass”






Ah, such good memories.  This is a picture of me bringing Mrs. Dragon home after our first date.


And no!  This was NOT her brother’s reaction!  But whoever’s brother it was, he seems pretty pissed off.


A man named Tom Nicholson posted on his Facebook account the sports car that he had just bought and how a man approached and told him that the money used to buy this car could’ve fed thousands of less fortunate people.
His response to this man made him famous on the internet. READ his story as stated on Facebook below:
A guy looked at my Corvette the other day and said,
“I wonder how many people could have been fed for the money that sports car cost?
I replied I’m not sure;
it fed a lot of families in Bowling Green, Kentucky who built it,
it fed the people who make the tires,
it fed the people who made the components that went into it,
it fed the people in the copper mine who mined the copper for the wires,
it fed people in at Caterpillar who make the trucks that haul the copper ore.
It fed the trucking people who hauled it from the plant to the dealer
and fed the people working at the dealership and their families.
BUT,… I have to admit, I guess I really don’t know how many people it fed.
That is the difference between capitalism and the welfare mentality.
When you buy something, you put money in people’s pockets and give them dignity for their skills.

When you give someone something for nothing, you rob them of their dignity and self-worth.
Capitalism is freely giving your money in exchange for something of value. Socialism is having the government take your money against your will and give it to someone else for doing nothing.



Does anyone know if there are special looting hours for seniors?

Asking for a friend.



Fantasy Pic Green


My wife’s sister told me she was really into horses …



Wife:  Did I get fat during quarantine?

Husband:  You weren’t really skinny to begin with!

Time of death:  11:00 pm

Cause: COVID-19



During the lockdown, I’ve run out of entertainment.  So I send David, my neighbor flowers every Saturday evening with a message, “I miss you.”

Then I go to my balcony with a drink and listen to his wife.



My son is taking part in a virtual school social experiment for his civics class. He has to wear a Biden 2020 T-shirt for two weeks and write a report on how people react. On his very first day, he’s been cursed at, spit on, punched, and had a bottle thrown at him!

I’m curious what will happen when he leaves the house.

The really funny thing is, that Lynn felt like she had to add … PS: it’s a joke.  LOL!  Thanks Lynn, you made my day.




Their blood Alcohol Content

Then Pete Said

There is a difference

Theres Optimus Prime

theres the door

Thermonuclear Detonation

these boxes

They Look Harmless

They put up a good fight

They see me rollin

think or thwim




I asked my surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.

He said, “Go ahead, knock yourself out.”



Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you. ~ Zig Ziglar



Finland nailed it!

The Finnish word for horrible is KAMALA.

Fact check that!

I did and it is!

Boy, if that ain’t enough warning for you folks out there …



And that is the end of Monday.  Pretty slow day today.  Might be a pretty slow day tomorrow too.  So, here’s hoping I can get another issue out tomorrow.  We’ll have to see.

Cause by the looks of the MSEL (Master Sequence Events Listing) (and pronounced  Measle) it sure as hell ain’t gonna be Wednesday.  We are going to be bussssssssyyyyyyyyy on Wednesday. 

So, have a wonderful Tuesday.  Love and happiness to you all.


Impish Dragon 

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Dragon Laffs #1817


Angry mouse

Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to … Saturday, I hope.  Sunday if not.  LOL!  Today is the last issue you are going to get before I get to Michigan.  After 400athat it will be hit or miss.  I hope to get issues out MORE often, but who knows?  We will be working with another base and we will be doing our own thing as well, so we’ll have to see.  Hopefully it will be better because, well, because in my free time I won’t have anything better to do, but we shall see.

In the mean time, let’s get some laughter going, shall we?




The Itsy-Bitsy Paycheck
Just post to my account.
Down came the bills
And wiped the money out.



When someone is MURDERED, the police investigate the spouse first.

And that tells you everything you need to know about MARRIAGE.



If showing up in a robe and tiara with a box of wine is wrong, then maybe I don’t fully comprehend how Casual Friday actually works.



If by “Crunches” you mean the sound bacon makes when you eat it, than yes, I do Crunches.





My poser cousin Ralph.  He has his eyes colored.  Can you believe it?


I asked my wife why she married me.

She said, “Because you are funny.”

I said, “I thought it was because I was good in bed.”

She said, “See?  You’re hilarious!”



Here’s something I didn’t know … thanks to Lynn …

Most People Don’t Keep Their “Dream House”


HGTV’s annual “Dream Home” contest is a sweepstakes in which winners get an amazing house. It started in 1997, and has continued every year since. It sounds like a dream come true, but apparently it can be more like a nightmare due to high taxes.
According to a
2018 article in Country Living, “Of the 21 people who’ve won Dream Homes over the years, only six, or about 28 percent, actually lived in their home for more than a year. The vast majority either took the cash alternative or sold the house back to the developer within a year of winning.”
The magazine went on to report that the “grand prize — typically $250,000 in cash, a car, and sometimes a boat, in addition to the home itself, usually valued at $1 million or more — comes with a federal income-tax bill of about $700,000.”



This Jack Daniels tastes a little bit like I’m not going to work tomorrow.



Congratulations on reaching an age where you wake up at the time you used to go to sleep on a Saturday.



Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen.  Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.


I am pretty sure I’ve met this lady.


So, let me get this straight … there’s no cure for a virus that can be KILLED by sanitizer and hand soap?


You young people won’t get it.

But the answer is … Call me in the morning.


The next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and announce, “now you’re SUPER ANGRY!”

Maybe she’ll laugh.

Maybe you’ll die.



Fantasy pix2


The original cast of “How I Met Your Mother”


This is both my wife and my daughter’s solution


If you love somebody, let them go …

If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.



When I die, I know one of my Grandkids will lean in my coffin, and whisper * Can I play a game on your phone *  And that is from our own sweet Leah.


Lindsay Lohan

The Plague

The Real Reason

The Real Worls

The Reason

The Reason2

The Sky

The Taste

The Truth

The Unafraid

The US Navy

The value of education



My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. He found that the problem was hair in its ears so he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some “Nair” hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist tells her: “If you’re going to use this under your arms don’t use deodorant for a few days”.

The lady says “I’m not using it under my arms”.

The pharmacist says: “If you’re using it on your legs don’t shave for a couple of days”.

The lady says “I’m not using it on my legs, either.  If you must know, I’m using it on my schnauzer”.

The pharmacist says “Stay off your bicycle for a week”.



Our supply clerk at the factory was in a dither.  A box had been left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it:  “Danger!  Do Not Touch!!
Management was called, and we were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed.
When the foreman arrived, he donned safety goggles and gloves, and then he carefully opened the box.
Inside were 25 signs that read, “Danger!  Do Not Touch!”


Yup, that’s been my experience.


A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong.
“Nothing,” said the woman.
Not buying it, he asked again.
“Seriously, what’s wrong?”
“Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you.  I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother’s Day, you don’t even tell me so much as “Thank you.”
“Why should I?” he said. “Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father’s Day gift.”
“Yes,” she said, “but I’m their real mother.”



And that’s it my dear friends … until later on next week.  Love and happiness to you all.


Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1816



Good Morning Campers,

Well … I’m going out of town again next week.  Back up to Alpena, Michigan to help out another base with an exercise.  So, not sure how that will work out with Dragon Laffs.  Last time, if I remember correctly, I was still able to put out a couple of issues, but this time, with everything else going on, who knows.  But, I am going to try.  Hopefully there won’t be a friggin’ blizzard like there was last year when we went up there.  Leaving on Sunday, driving back next Saturday on Halloween.  Should be great fun.  In the meantime, I’ll keep you guys inf0med and let’s do some laughing.

Let's Laugh 3



I need everyone to wish me luck.  I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I will be out of debt.  I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.



I have met my quota for stupid people this year.

I am no longer taking applications.

Thank you.



I rolled my eyes so hard, I checked out my own ass.



Impish Dragon Dating Tip:  Girls like a man that takes charge, so take her to dinner, take her to the movies, take a hostage, overthrow the government, nuke her ex’s hometown, buy her a kitten.



Impish Dragon Parenting Tip:  When you lose your children in the house, turn off the Wi-fi.  They’ll come out immediately.  Your neighbors may even drop by as well.



Yeah, I can dig that…cause I have no damn idea how the hell it is now late on Wednesday and I still haven’t finished Thursday’s issue…so here’s the deal.  I work until bed time and you guys get what you get.  Sorry to put it that way but I’ve had a crappy week.  Mrs. Dragon had her second eye surgery today, we are having hostilities at work, by creatures I was sure were … if not friends, at least allies, whom I’ve done many significant favors for and spoken quite highly of to many important and high ranking kings and queens.  Anyway, be that as it may, at this point in time, I am still going to Alpena next week, so I will probably be able give you guys some updates from there … hopefully.  Since I won’t be able to go out partying with the younger folks.  Mostly because I will be broke due to all the surgeries and such.  LOL!

Anyway, back to the fun stuff, shall we?



I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.


Yeah, it’s an old joke, but it’s so true … so sadly true.




The Lamp

The Later Years

The longer you stare

the lower part

The M67

The Muzzle of a tank

The Neighbors

The New Sword

the next morning

The Obvious

The Outdoors

The Perfect Ass

The Perfect Ass2

The Perfect Ass3



Woulda been nice if 2020 took me out to dinner before it fucked me like this.



Cigarettes and alcohol have warning labels because they are addictive, dangerous and destroy lives.

And yet women are just allowed to roam about freely!



Be sure to bring up politics at Thanksgiving this year to save on Christmas gifts!


Now that is a shirt I would wear every single day!!!!


Social media has made too many of you comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the mouth for it.

Ain’t that the truth!



I hate links in blogs.  I really do … but this one is really worth watching.  Trust me or not, but it is.  Thanks to Sasquatch for sending it to me.




Here’s an old joke with a nice new twist:

My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and said, “Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?”

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an “asshole.” He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So, Shirley, my wife, called him a “shithead.”

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We always look for cars with Biden 2020 stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s so important at our age. 



People say 60 is the new 40.

The cop who just pulled me over didn’t agree.


These kids think they invented everything.  LOL.  Boy are they ever wrong.


I was at the Post Office where I see a blonde woman shouting into an envelope.  I asked, “What are you doing?”
The blonde replied, “Sending a voice mail.”



And with that, I’m calling it a day.  Until we meet again my friends,


Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1815



Good Morning Campers,

Well, we had the opportunity on Friday afternoon and had the whole family in the car and our county has early voting going on, so we went, as a family and voted.  Izzy Dragon got to vote for the very first time EVER!  It was way cool.  There was a bunch of older ladies running the precinct at the time and we told them vote-counts1that Izzy was voting for the first time ever and they really celebrated her.  There was only like four or five older people in line at the time and when she got done they congratulated her and everything.  She posted her own picture on Facebook or Twitter or something with a sticker that said “I Voted” and she was really proud of herself.  (Not near as proud of her as I was) but with her anxiety issues, she was terrified to go to begin with so when I sprang it on her at the last second it turned out to be the perfect way to go.  Notvote many people there and the perfect crowd to do it in front of.  They explained everything to her and she had a great experience.  I asked if it would be alright if I explained things to her and they said, and I quote, “Don’t worry about it honey, we got this.”  And they did.  They did a fantastic job with a young lady who was really nervous and now she is on line telling her other nervous friends how easy it was.  I guess I forgot, way back 40-vote2some years ago, when I voted for the first time, whether I was nervous or not, but I imagine I was.  Since then I’ve worked the polls and have been asked to come back and work them since, but I know am a government employee and can’t.  Not sure if legally I can or can’t but personally, I don’t feel right doing it, so I won’t.

So, anyway, that’s our voting story.  And now it’s time to move on to the reason that you guys are really here, not to hear me brag about my daughter.  I got stuff to brag about my son, too.  Wanna hear ‘bout that?  semiHe’s a truck driversemi2 and has been a bit worried about his medical evaluation that he had to pass to keep driving.  Well, long story short, he passed with flying friggin’ colors!!! like I knew he would.  He did a fan-friggin’-tastic job!  And of course we wouldn’t expect anything less.  He’s got like a gazzillion accident free miles.  I’m really proud of him, too! 

Now, you wanna hear about the grandkids?

So …

Okay, okay, I’ll save the grandkids for another time.  Let’s get on with the laughter.

sign laff



I have been getting a LOT of Halloween cartoons from you guys and I now have so many saved up I’m either going to have to do a HUGE Halloween issue or start spreading them throughout the issues between now and then to get them all in … or both.  Thanks to all of you for sending stuff to me, I couldn’t do this without you.  I wish I had a system in place to thank you for each of the things you send, but regretfully, I can’t on a regular basis, but I try when I can.




And I just now got another email from a group in Indianapolis, that I’m not even CLOSE to asking me to come run their polls.

Someone keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off.  I think I’m being stalked.



My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.  I’m worried shitless.


Now THAT is skill!


Dragon pic 2


My brother-in-law with his “friend”



Okay, so mail from our dear friend Leah …

Leah D

I am curious, is there anyone else out there who wants to vote in person? In Utah, they have made it what I consider to be extremely difficult to do so.
My friend got her ballot, trouble is, she can’t see well enough to fill in the circles, so I guess I get to vote twice?!

Well, I told you our voting story.  In person, really easy.  No problemo!

Leah D

Time to give up?
I got really scared when I woke Friday to a cold. If after all the isolation, spraying everything with alcohol, etc. I catch a cold . . . how am I hiding from Covid?
I was doing some research, came across a website for the professionals . . . as in doctors, scientists, etc. It said a group was in Antarctica, in total isolation, for 17 weeks, had a breakout of the common cold.

Leah, dear, you are fine.  All of us are fine.  I’m more worried about the flu than I am COVID.  From what I can see from my (slightly stilted) vantage point, most of the COVID numbers are so blatantly over-inflated that I don’t know who to trust and who not to trust.  I still go back to the guy killed on the motorcycle hit by a truck who was counted as a COVID death.  Yeah, I’m gonna throw the bullshit flag on that one, fellas.




Fantasy Pix


I had a chance to purchase this little piece of property … then the damn government got involved and now it’s a safe house…



“Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?”

“No idea, they just ransomware!”




There was a football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?”
“I did,” said the centipede.
“Who stopped the rhino?”
“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.
“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”
“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.
“So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.
“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”



They say with age comes wisdom, so therefore I don’t have wrinkles I have wise cracks.















perils of homeschooling . . .

My friends 1st grader told the class her favorite part of summer was seeing a brown booby and both her mom and step dad are in the background going “tell them it’s a bird. Explain it’s a bird. It’s a seabird tell them that”.



Does anybody have a recipe for “I don’t know” or “I don’t care”?  It’s what my family keeps requesting for dinner and I can’t seem to find any recipes.



Huge life lesson there guys!!!

motivational wooden sign

The Force

The Force34 (2)

The future of humankind in space

The G spot 2

The G spot

The Gun Fairy

The High Ground

the hills have eyes

The Icicles

The Irony

The Kid

The King


That is a great boss. 

I LOVE this next cartoon!!!!


Principal:  Your son always causes trouble here in school.

Dad:  He always causes trouble at home, too.  Did I ever call you?



Can someone please explain to me how pancake syrup, movies, books, statues, logos, and building names weren’t racist when Obama was president?



Got a comment from Don G about foam …….

Don G

When I was in the Navy back in the 70s and 80s we used a “protein foam” for firefighting, and believe me it stank. So much so that when I was assigned to take firefighting classes I always wore old dungarees, so I could dispose of them after the class. There is more on foams, here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firefighting_foam

The more I learn about this, the more I think it is the protein based foam that stinks.  The protein foam is supposed to be biodegradable and safer for fire fighters. 

Thanks Don!



And that it’s for today my friends … until next time.


Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1814



Good Morning Campers,

0aa1Welcome to Saturday and the weekend!  While you guys are reading this I’m off teaching my GIs CBRN Defense class.  Granted, it is the BEST part of my job, but I still would rather be at home, relaxing and laughing.  But, somebody’s got to do it and if it’s got to be done, I’d rather it be done by me because I know it will be done correctly. 

So, without further ado, let’s get right to the laughter and we’ll do more catching up later.



No kidding!  Not only would she be fair, but there wouldn’t be any bullshit going on, either.


Like that could be overlooked.

Here is a great take on the “… walks into a bar” joke.  Thanks to Stephanie for sending these along.  There’s enough of them that I’m going to spread them out a little bit.

bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.




A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

Yes, some of them require you to think!



A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks Into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.


Absolutely marvelous!


An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.


Definitely the kind of person  we need running the greatest country in the world (I really need need to find that sarcasm font)


A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

And sadly that’s it.  Some of them were bloody brilliant!  Thanks again, Stephanie.



Dragon Pix2


This is us last weekend … we had a few too many beers and decided to pick on the neighbors.



I’m sorry, it’s mean, but I laughed like hell at this one.

And hey!  God a letter from Joe in NJ! 



I had two firsts today.

1.   A throbbing headache woke me at 3am. Ibuprofen time!


2. I did not stay up and read your latest issue. (Mainly because the pain was behind my right eye and it hurt to read.)


About the picture of the hangar full of foam…

My Navy time (Also had Air Force time) was the end of 1962 thru 1966. I was in an anti submarine squadron (VS-36) at Norfolk NAS. We had S-2D’s.

All of our cruises except for one lousy one on the USS Intrepid, was on the USS Randolph. During one cruise, the fog foam system went off in hangar bay #3. Besides messy, it smelled horrible! Don’t think they ever stopped the stink.

The liberty launches, both enlisted and officers were hit. The Admiral’s launch was not spared.


     …Joe in NJ


Another day without needing algebra!




I’m not sure about the smell.  I think I would have remembered it if it were that bad.  So, I’m going to assume that it wasn’t.  So not sure if yours was different than mine or if my memory is just failing me in my old age…or maybe the Navy just used different foam than the Air Force.  Who knows, but thanks for the story.




And another quick one from Joe …


Q: What kind of birds stick together?
A: Vel-crows!




Fantasy Pic


Mother Nature relaxing at home


I have huge trash bags full of plastic bags…because I use them at work.  In fact, I have an entire locker full of them.  Any military members out there remember what the plastic grocery bags are used for in my world?  Think MOPP gear. 
Think I’m kidding?  This is me getting ready for work tomorrow:


Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell.  Like, hey you,  I love you so much, I’m gonna get the government involved so you can’t leave.



Be careful when you blindly follow the masses … sometimes the “M” is silent.



Man has made it to the moon, but we still haven’t figured out how to actually prevent a hangover.

Priorities people!  Come on!




The Basement

The big guns

The bikini

The birds never

The Boss

The Concrete

The economy

The Empire

The First cup of coffee

The First Cup

The Floor



The reason that all Star Trek spaceships meet each other the same way up is because there is a universally decided ‘down’ direction.

Every warp capable vessel has a piece of buttered toast suspended in an antimatter containment unit.  It is picked up and dropped automatically by little robot arms, within the unit, four times a minute.  The orientation of the buttered side tells the onboard computer which way is down, even when light years from any gravitational field.

Klingon ships use a slice of K’gacch spread with T’kr’lagg but the effect is the same.



I end a lot of my sentences with “just saying” because ending the sentence with “dumb ass” would probably be considered offensive.



It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside…



And … out of time dear friends.  Working tomorrow, so gotta call it a night early tonight.  Lots of laughs to all of you.  Love and happiness, too.


Impish Dragon

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