Leprechaun Laughs # 408 for Wednesday August 30th 2017

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I’m dashing this off Friday 8/25 well ahead of my posting deadline in anticipation of problems. So while that is a picture of flooding in Houston it is not one from the present time. As of this writing only time will tell how bad our situation becomes.

Already today I have had numerous well wishes and offers of prayers ahead of Harvey’s arrival in my Inbox as well as the blog comments. To those folks I say, many thanks. We’re going to need all the well wishes luck and prayers we can get I fear as the expected rainfall accumulation totals seem to be climbing higher with each new update. I would add that since my comments posted in the blog we have managed to obtain a supply of bottled water. Molly brilliantly thought of a place where nobody would immediately think of going and luckily, they did indeed still have some.

I will try to keep you all updated as to what is going on, but that may well come via Impish.

Huh? What was that? You’re kidding right? Aren’t you over that shtick yet? OK! OK! SIGH!

Let me rephrase that last line before I got interrupted-

I will try to keep you all updated as to what is going on, but that may well come via Impish”… of Borg.

While I remember and have the chance, a minor housekeeping issue:

Impish will be presenting the Labor Day issue this year not me and you can probably expect to see that on Saturday unless I miss my guess.

Since I need to do this as quickly as possible please excuse me if the issue isn’t up to my usual high standards.

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Some of you cautioned Impish to take it slow and easy and not overdo things with his recovery. As you can see here we are trying to restrain him and slow him down.  We keep telling him resistance is futile but he keeps hollering that’s his line now! Why isn’t anything ever easy anymore?

 

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Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Local MP who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS – Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

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I think Mikey likes that last one.

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The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, “It was a good idea you had to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church fills first.”

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, “And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I suppose the rock ‘n roll gospel choir you brought in was another good idea. We are packed into the balcony.”

“Thank you, Father,” answered the young priest. “I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.”

“Well,” said the elderly priest, “I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.”

“But, Father,” protested the young priest, “my confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!”

“I know, son,” replied the elderly priest, “but the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot n’ Tell or Go To Hell’ cannot stay on the church roof!”

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3 Blonds decided to go for walk in the woods.

Being blond they got lost. They then decided that the best way to find their way back home, was to find some animal tracks. So they could follow them to some water then follow the water to the river and then back to town. Simple right?

But NO you forgot they’re blond. So they looked and looked and finally found some tracks.

The First Blond yells “we’re saved.”

The other two ask her what is she yelling about. So she shows them the tracks and says all we have to do is follow these rabbit track and they will Lead us to a babbling brook, then we follow that to a creek, then follow that to a stream, then to the river and then follow that back into town.

The second blond says are you crazy they aren’t rabbit tracks these are lion tracks if we follow them it will lead us to his lion’s den and he will eat us.

The Third blond says to the second your crazy these aren’t lion tracks they are bear tracks if we follow them it will lead us to his cave and he will eat us. That started a heated argument it went on and on. They were still arguing when they were hit and killed by the train.

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3 Georgia ladies went on vacation.

1 went to California

1 went to Florida

1 went to Texas.

When they got back they were telling each other about there trip.

(best said in an southern type Georgian accent)

The one that went to California was saying out there they have men who kiss men on the lips. They call them queers.

The one who went to Florida said well down in Florida they have women who kiss women on their lips they call them lesbians.

The one that went to Texas said “That’s nothing. Down in Texas they have men who kiss women on their private parts.”

They both were shocked at that, and ask what do they call them.

The third lady said I don’t know but when he got through I called him “Precious”

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SEVEN DEGREES OF BLONDE

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.

The husband said, “Who was that?” The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.”

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.” The second blonde says,

“Here, let me see!” So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it!!!” The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them.” A friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy: W.”

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

“Is it mine?”

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about? Bambi pondered the question then finally said, “That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the

Delaware.”

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,

“I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”

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A BOY AND HIS FROG

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said,

“If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess,

I’ll stay with you and do Anything you want.” Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, “What is it? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful Princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do Anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The boy said, “Look, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool.”

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Ut-oh! I know that look! That last one landed me in hot (flood?) water!

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An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this Father?”

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24 year old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son

“Go get your mother.”

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I’m all for gender equality. That having been said, I do sometimes think it get taken to extremes for the sake of Political Correctness. I will admit that I think I’m a fan of Iron Woman however.

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And I can get behind Super Girl

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On the other hand I’m not so much a fan of the female Japanese version of KISS.

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OK I have run out of time for the issue as our A/C just started leaking condensate everywhere and maintenance is supposed to be on the way.

I’m going to post it as is and set it to auto post for Wednesday like normal. If/when I have time, internet and power I may come back to it or at least append it with a brief update on how we’re doing.

Mean while I’m going to try and…

keep-calm-and-leprechaun-on-2

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Leprechaun’s Post Harvey Photo Ed

 

Too many faked and photoshopped pictures showing up on the bane of our existence, social media already. These are all real and largely come from CNN

I had added some identifiers and/or context to a few of them.

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Above is the downtown metro Houston. All the brown you see is standing water.

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Some near 4000 people were forced to take shelter at the George R. Brown Convention Center.

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That’s a view of Tidwell Rd it is a main thoroughfare. All those boats you see are going ack and down the side streets to rescue people and bring them back to this assembly point where they will be transported to a shelter. 

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Below is Spring Texas, to which we are actually closer than Metro Houston.  It is only about 5 to 8 miles from us as you drive, probably closer as the crow flies.

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This is our exit off I-45. From this location to our apartment might be 3 miles. The photo was taken the morning of the 28th. As you can see not only is the feeder/service/frontage road flooded by the highway is as well.

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Buffalo Bayou flooding a portion of downtown Houston on the 27th.

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Leprechaun’s Harvey Update #4 Aug 29th 2017

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This will be the last Harvey Report I’ll be making unless something unexpected happens.

I started these comments this morning sometime:

3.68 inches of rain in last 24 hours but it continues to rain, abet at slower accumulation rates as Harvey continues to move eastward.

Ponding out back of me: After I had posted  my comments last night we got a period of heavier rain. With the water table basically at surface level anything falling was either running off or just sitting there. The ponding area had tripled in size when I went to lay down (can’t really say when I went to sleep) however I should probably point out that when I say ponding I’m talking about standing surface water perhaps 1/4 to 1/2″ deep in the lawn area.

Once the rainfall rate again reduced the pond again shrunk and is once again limited to just the 2 lowest areas where it tends to pond a bit with every heavy rainfall simply because it cannot run off as easily.

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Below is a photo of the church in the small town of Refugio Texas, 55 miles inland from where Harvey came ashore as a CAT 4.  Basically every building in the small town has been destroyed.

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Continuing now this evening:

The rain has moved to the East past us. It has not rained here in about 4 or 5 hours now I’d guess.  Total rainfall for my area is guesstimated to be between 35 and 40” perhaps more.  What ever the actual amount it is certainly unprecedented and a record.  Flooded areas still are the norm.  Rivers Streams Creeks & Bayous continue to over run their banks and in some cases their flooding is increasing.

Around 6:0 – 6:30 I actually saw a beam of sunlight for the first time since last Thursday. It wasn’t big maybe card table sized shining on a feature of the building behind us but it was glorious.

Molly has received word that the building her company is in has taken water damage from a leaking roof.  As a manager she needs to go in tomorrow to access the damages. As yet we haven’t been able to locate a passable route for her to get from here to there, even when taking some serious convoluted ones. She will re-access in the morning but will be going nowhere before full sun as driving is still just too dangerous.

Many towns and areas are declaring curfews as sadly the lowlife scum are beginning to appear in force to rob and loot and otherwise exploit peoples misery for their own gain.

We continue to be safe secure dry and have all our utilities. The ponding behind us has rapidly diminished to the point of now just being 2 areas that are obviously wetter than everywhere else.

At the moment it’s 75 out with 82% humidity. Tomorrow it calls for 84 with only a 20% chance or rain during the day but tomorrow as evening comes on that’s going to jump up to an 80% chance of T-storms as the moisture the sun has been evaporating all day and pulling up will suddenly want to come down.  I expect this to be the norm for at least the rest of the week.

Both Molly and I are grateful for the thoughts prayers wells wishes and other signs of support from all of you. Not only did it buoy our spirits, I swear if helped us weather (no pun intended) this event as well as we did. Thank You one and all.

I’m off now (I hope) to get some decent sleep.

Look for an issue of Leprechaun Laughs to post at it’s regular time.

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Lethal Leprechaun and Harvey Update

As many of you know, Lethal and family lost power at the end of his last update about 1500 EST.  It made several attempts to come back on, but ultimately failed.

Two and a half hours later (1730 EST) I got a quick text that said “Readi Kilowatt be praised! We have power again”

Rainfall rate has slowed considerably to about half an inch per hour now.  Still, we need basically no rain for flood waters to go down.

By 1800 he was saying that they were all going to nap and how much they needed it.  But before I could even wish him pleasant dreams, I got this.

Out again!

And back on

Scaring crap out of us now.

And that was last I heard two and a half hours ago.  Let’s continue to keep them all in our prayers.

Impish Dragon

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Leprechaun’s Harvey Update #3 Aug 28th 2017

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I’d open by yelling “QUACK!” but honestly this weather isn’t even fit for ducks and I have serious doubt about it’s fitness for any other aquatic life as well.

First I’d like to take the opportunity to thank everyone for the comments of support and concern both here and in my Inbox. They has helped bolster my spirits which were already low before this hit.

Secondly, let me mention 2 things I should have yesterday:

1.) As of Sunday @ 1:40 PM it was reported that since Harvey had first started dumping rain on Houston that 419 Billion (no typo) gallons of water had fallen on us. We have not heard that figure updated and are having some difficulty with even determining how much rain our area has received as many of the rainfall sensors are either outright failing or malfunctioning. As a result of the massive accumulation of water the Army Corps of Engineers has been forced to start letting water out of two of our major reservoirs to prevent even greater problems. This of course doesn’t help the fact that the runoff channels are already at or above their capacity.

2.) Regarding the Ninja Kitties, Ginny thoughtfully inquired about them and I realized I had not mentioned them and how this was effecting them.

Neither are happy with Harvey at all. They are deprived of windows because the rain pelting them frightens them as does the wind when it slams into them. Additionally, the rain/ fogged up windows make it hard to see out of period for them.

Cats instinctively know when bad weather is approaching and this is apparently wreaking havoc with that sense of theirs. Chai has taken mostly to hiding (in some new and difficult to locate places) and sleeping, while SC pretty much just wants to be held and comforted all the time. I sat with Molly, on whom SC was laying just dozing, for about 3 hours watching the coverage and trying to read Sunday. When Molly attempted to make SC get down, SC crossed the small table between our loungers on to me.

When I would try to make her get down, she’d go right back to Molly. Usually if she is with me or on my chair, its across the top of the chair on a blanket we keep there for the purpose. I tried putting her up there because I felt bad for Molly who was trying to do something on her lap top. From SC’s reaction you’d have thought I was torturing her. I now have very clear nail patterns in my chest from all of SC’s toes from her desperately hanging to me.

When a Thunderstorm hits it’s even worse, especially when they come at night.

Moving on to our current situation:

Honestly in the last 12 hours things have gotten significantly more dicey around here.

We still have all essential services and are water tight safe and dry. Honestly, continuing to have power through out this has been one of the biggest factors in making the situation bearable. This has given us access to news and information and to the internet so we can view remotely what is happening locally as well as kept us comfortable.

However our area has also now lost it’s ability to evacuate and we are now essentially cut off.

Cypress creek @ I-45 that we’ve been watching is 12 feet above its banks and has flooded the highway forcing its closure. The “rear end” of our street about 1.5 – 2 miles away is flooded from what we can see on the local cameras and we think some of the complexes back there are likely flooding.

FM 1960, our “main drag” which we can access by going in the opposite direction is now flooded and a staging area for rescue boats. The underpass where it passes under the I-45 that you would have to travel to even access the highway to go North (away from the storm, the only logical direction to go) is completely under water and impassible.

I was going to write more but we just lost our power. Perhaps more later on

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