Dragon Laffs

Good Morning Campers,

Been a busy, busy week.  Not much in the way of a lead in today.  So, we’ll just have to laff instead.  How does that sound?

Let’s laff

Now, let me see if I have this straight…

If we get nuked, it’ll be by missiles built with technology given to China by Bill Clinton…funded by Iran with money Obama gave them…with warheads developed from uranium sold to Russia by Hillary and refined by Iran into weapons-grade plutonium in Russian centrifuges bought with money Obama gave them.

And Trump is trying to undo this shit storm, but HE’S the Traitor?!?!

Amazing.

Just amazing!

Funny how a person has to cover up their gun in Walmart but not their ass.

Marriage Tip #2

When your wife is mowing the lawn, that’s not the best time to ask when dinner will be ready.

A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension.

The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.

Sarcasm: because torturing people in your basement is “Frowned Upon”

I warned you…and I’m sorry.

Okay, so that one deserved a warning as well,’’

A truck loaded with Vicks Vapor Rub overturned on the highway.

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.

My kids say they want a cat for Christmas.

Normally, I do a turkey or a ham but hey, if it’ll make ‘em happy…

Marriage let’s you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

Area 51 is where they keep all the Walmart cashiers.

And speaking of Walmart…

And actually, that started before friggin’ Labor Day!!!

I have to share this exciting news with all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got an email today from a dear friend.  I have no idea who he (or she) is but they started the email “Hello my dear friend,” so… you know.

The email address is from katka.harju@virolahti.fi which according to Wikipedia is in Finland!  That is so cool!  I didn’t know I had any Swedish friends!  And you can see that Katka could be a man or a woman’s name.  But, when I looked that up, that might ALSO be the name of a place in Finland.  Wow!

Anyway, the email goes on to say:

Hello my dear friend,

I have an urgent Proposal for you.

Please reply me via my private email : mrsathenajacky8@gmail.com

for more details.

Best Wishes.

Wow!  An urgent Proposal!  You can tell it’s urgent because the word Proposal is Capitalized!, so yeah!  Wow!  I’m not really sure it that’s Mr. Sathena Jacky… or Sathen A. Jacky or it could be Mrs. Athena Jacky.  Now that almost makes sense, but whatever, they want me to reply me via my private email!  Check it out!  Private!  Email!  AND!!!!!!

There are MORE DETAILS!

God, I’m so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay…

I think I’ve kicked that poor bullshit email around enough.

Time to move on to something else.

When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.

Run into a store with a wild look in your eyes and yell, “What year is it!?”

When someone answers, yell, “It worked!” and run out cheering.

Jokes on you, hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station’s phone number.  I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.

What’s the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?

The literalist takes things literally.

The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.

I told my son we couldn’t afford something and he asked why I didn’t have more money, and I wanted to be like, “You, dude.  You are entireley the reason I don’t have more money.”

Paddy was cleaning his rifle, when he shot and killed his wife, he rang 911.

Paddy: It’s me wife, I accidentally shot her, I think I’ve killed her!

Operator:  Please calm down sir, can you first make sure she is really dead?

CLICK, BANG!

Paddy: Ok, done that.  What next?

Don’t fuck with us old people…

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall.  As yet, the store’s merchandise wasn’t in – only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, “I’ll bet that any minute now, some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, “What are you selling here?”

One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling ass-holes.”

Without missing a beat, the old timer said, “You must be doing well.  Only two left.”

Seniors – don’t mess with us.  We didn’t get old by being stupid.

 

Charging $50 for a $6 case of water during a hurricane is “price gouging” yet $700 for a $5 vial of insulin is “healthcare.”

Lady in front of us in 15 items or less lane with about 30 items, so I smiled and said, “Math wasn’t your strongest subject, was it?”

Doing some home renovations and knocked down a wall only to find a secret, fully furnished room…and then I remembered we live in a duplex.

So that’s it.  Enough for one day.  I hope you all enjoyed this week’s offering.

Love and cheers to you all.

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

The Air Show is over!!!!!!!  Thank God!  I’m so done with events, exercises, inspections, drills, and all the rest of the “special” stuff.

Now, I just have a CBRN Rodeo in November and a whole new exercise schedule starting in January.

Sigh….

It’s a damn good thing I love my job.

So, I’m thinking this may be the last update to our contributors this year….but let’s say, one more week.  Anyone who hasn’t given and still wants to, you still have time to donate.  We appreciate all you can give. 

Thanks to:

Scott H.     Daniel W.     Henry S.     Ginny K.     Leah H.     Joseph P.     Donald G.         Danny M.     Steven H.     Blast Specialties, Inc.     Kara T.     Phillip S.     Dan T.          Kristine M.     Lonna T.

You guys are all wonderfully thoughtful and generous people.  Thank you so much.

And now…..

I decided to go on a road trip and not come back until I ran out of money…

Walked to the end of the driveway and back.

Her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I’m sure of… it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

I read it on the internet, it must be true.

Due to rising costs, dirty deeds are no longer done dirt cheap.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

You should never judge a book by its cover.  I had a math book once and the people on the outside looked like they were having a real good time…  … the book was not a good time.

The Army is getting more and more selective.  They announced this week they will no longer accept drug addicts and felons.

So, if you’re a drug addict or a felon, you’re not welcomed in the United States Army.  The good news: There’s always Congress, the NFL, and show business.

There needs to be an investigation to find out if anyone in the Democratic Party has ties to America.

I gots to get me one of these signs.

Can’t believe someone broke into my garage and stole the limbo stick.  Seriously, how low can you go.

As an Emergency Manager, I can tell you that this tornado plan is better than some that I’ve seen.

I was happily watching the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra, when the guy on triangle disappeared.

So, if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?

You know you’re old when you’re entering your birth year online and have to spin that thing like you’re on Wheel of Fortune.

.

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods, and no one hears it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw…just in case.

I paid my 15 year old $10 to do the dishes.

Then, on his way to the bathroom, I mugged him because it’s my job to teach him life lessons.

Just helped my neighbor bury a rolled up carpet in the woods.  Her boyfriend would’ve done it, but he’s out of town.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today…

But those game wardens came out of nowhere.

If you’re happy and you know it, stay in bed.
If you’re happy and you know it, stay in bed.
If you’re happy and you know it, getting up will surely blow it.
If you’re happy and you know it, stay in bed.

I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.

Age 16: Takes 4 hours to do hair and plan outfit.

Age 18: Takes 2 hours to do hair and plan outfit.

Now: I brushed my hair 3 days ago and I have no idea whose shirt this is.

I considered selling my weapons “back” to the government, but after a background check and a thorough investigation into the buyer, I determined the buyer has a history of violence and is mentally unstable.  Big risk to everyone around it.

If it is true that stress brings on weight loss, why the hell am I not invisible.

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older.  It’s natures way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror!

Any of you ever read the vanity cards at the end of Chuck Lorre’s shows, like Big Bang Theory?  Read this one last night and I laughed so hard I just had to share it with you…

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #536

I’ve thought long and hard about this vanity card.  What I’m about to say is going to upset quite a few people.  Some of them are my friends.  Or perhaps, after reading this, my former friends.  But I can’t let that stop me from speaking my mind.  It’s time to say out loud what I know in my heart to be true.  Vegetarians and vegans are mobility bigots.  They believe that if a life form doesn’t move, it’s fair game to be killed and eaten.  They hold a deep-seated prejudice against plants, or, as plants prefer to be called, “We Who Stand Still.”  This hateful philosophy is predicated on the idea that movement equals consciousness, or, if you will, a certain level of sacredness.  To put it simply, if it walks, flies, or swims, or comes from something that does, it should not be ingested.  If it doesn’t, yum-yum.  Of course when you ask vegetarians and vegans, they say no, they’re only opposed to eating flesh.  But what could be more fleshy than a mushroom? Or avocado?  Or eggplant?  They ugly truth is they are cowards who murder and devour anything that can’t run away.  These people, who act so high and mighty, so spiritually elevated, have somehow constructed a style of cuisine that would justify them eating my Uncle Murray, a man known for sitting still for hours at a time, staring at a TV that is turned off.  So the next time you order a salad consider this: Prince told us that doves cry.  But what if kale does too?

Okay, so that cracked me up….I read it to Mrs. Dragon…she didn’t laugh.  There was eye rolling.  And maybe even a sigh or two.  So … maybe it’s just me.

Here’s something special…

My little Izzy Dragon turned 18…

HOLY SHIT!  MY LITTLE IZZY DRAGON TURNED 18!!!!

So very proud of her and all she’s done.

John is having a bad day.

He tried to button his shirt and the button fell off.

He picked up his briefcase and the handle fell off.

He went to open the door and the doorknob fell off.

Now he’s afraid to pee.

I don’t understand…Why doesn’t Walmart just declare their stores “Theft-Free Zones,” and end their shoplifting problem?

I need to re-home a dog.  It’s a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.  If you’re interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbor’s fence and get it for you.

How baby dragons make a living.

If you don’t know my whole story, keep your mouth shut.

If you know my whole story, you’re an accomplice.  Keep your mouth shut.

Someone has a really sick sense of humor….I LOVE IT!!

And that it’s for today.  Until next time.  Love you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

WWII Bearcat

Looking THROUGH a C-5 Galaxy

And this one is zoomed in a LOT on my cell phone but that is an actual lady wing walker. She actually stayed up there through loops and dives and everything!