S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!

Okay, so more than likely, if you’re reading this when it comes out, SATURDAY Morning … early.  But still, the sentiment is there.  It’s Saturday!  The weekend!  Time to party! 

Or time to sleep in and relax. 

Or time to get the lawn mowed and the chores done. 

Or time to get the shopping done and the kids to practice or whatever.

Do you know that some kids have gone back to school already!!!

It is still July, right?  Man, I remember when we were kids, we didn’t go back to school until like the first week of September!  It ain’t right, I tell ya!  It ain’t right!  And I know, some of you will tell me that nowadays they get a longer fall-break, winter-break, and spring-break.  I don’t know.  It seems to me that we got a pretty long break for each of those too.  But, maybe I’m looking back with rose-colored glasses and it wasn’t as nice “back-in-the-day” as I seem to remember it being…but I think it was.

Is it my imagination, or is car maintenance costing more now than it used to?  I turned my car in to the shop early this morning for a tune-up and a brake-job.  They are going to have the car all day, maybe even into tomorrow and quoted me a price that was pretty high.  Like almost $1,400.  That seems high to me.  But, when I called around, in our area, that was pretty comparable.  So, here I am, vehicleless for the day.  Not that I need to go anywhere, but it’s a bit of a strange feeling.  I’m not normally without transportation.  I know that if I needed something there’s only like ten people or so I could call and get someone out here within anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour depending on who I called, but still… not being able to rely on myself is kind of … I don’t know … weird.

Anyway, enough about me, let’s talk about you for a while.  So, how you doin’?

He thinks he invented that?  Us Jersey Dragons been doin’ that shit for years! 

Okay, Okay, so let’s laugh already!

Because we have to protect ourselves from cartoon characters.

Husband advise:  You should ask her if she’s gained weight, that way she knows you’re paying attention to her.

The problem is, there is some bank somewhere that will probably cash that nowadays.  It used to be that if the words weren’t spelled right they’d kick it back.

I read somewhere that being sarcastic on a regular basis can up to three years to your  life.  If that’s the case, I know that me and bunch of other people I know are gonna live forever!!

Heck, I think that’s about everywhere right now.  Did you guys here that it was like 103 in England?  With their humidity, that’s gonna be a steam bath!

Yurp!  And yur sign proofs it!

Oh my God, this is SO TRUE…

You think you can hurt my feelings?  I used to hold the flashlight for my dad!

Go ahead, think about it…now, don’t you feel a little bit of PTSD?

Now THAT, is dedication to a task!

And that’s another one loaded with truthfulness.

Little kids were asked to draw their favorite pictures of Impish Dragon in school awhile back.  This one is one of my favorites.

I don’t think it will help, but anything is worth a try.  This morning when I dropped the car off to be worked on, one of their employees drove me back home.  While we were driving, he said, “Oh look.  Gas is below $4 a gallon.” It was right at $3.999, so not MUCH below $4, but I gave it to him.  But I replied, “Yeah, but just think, two years ago we were say, ‘Oh look, gas is below $2 a gallon.”  He sighed and thought for a minute and said, “yeah.  Probably won’t see that ever again.” I said, “It all depends on who we put in the Whitehouse in two years and whether they open up and drill in OUR country…you know…where all the cheap oil is.”  He agreed with me.

I’m really, really tired of people complaining about the price of everything… 

“$2.00 for a cup of coffee”
“$3.00 for coat check”
“$4.00 an hour for parking” 

I’m just going to stop inviting those people over to my house.

I’ve had that same problem with many a car I’ve owned.

Every time a bird craps on my car, I eat a plate of wings on my front porch to show them what I am capable of.

I’m not sure if that’s funny or disgusting.

She was just ordering dinner and the Uber driver had SUCH an attitude…

This is just wrong in SO MANY WAYS!!!!

People with a dog:  He’s half British Spaniel, 1/4 French Basset Hound, 1/8 Tibetan Magic Flower, and his ancestors won World War II. 

People with a cat:  This is Nacho and he’s an asshole.

Sometimes the best way to solve a problem, is to stop participating in the problem.

When a man says he’d do anything for a woman, he means he’d stop bullets and slay dragons, not clean the basement and wash dishes.

Yeah, right!  Slay a dragon!

The glasses were a nice touch.

No one is more full of shit than a parent that just said, “Maybe”.

Yes!  Yes, it does!

And is more beautiful because of it.

For years I believed it stood for Liquor, Guns, Bacon, Tacos and Queso. Well, now I am woke…

It’s all fun and games till your jeans don’t fit anymore…

I LOVE old science fiction.  They have stories that begin, “It’s the distant year 2003 and humans are exploring the deep corners of the universe.”  God bless you old sci-fi.  You had such high hopes for us.

If misery loves company, I should have a lot more friends.

I think that is an absolutely excellent idea!

Yup, that will work just fine.

Oh, one thing before we get to the Last Word, remember our rock project…not our, but Izzy Dragon and mine?  Well, we finished step 2 and started step 3.  Here’s what they looked like after step 2:

And here’s a closeup of MY contribution to the project:

It’s actually really smooth and shiny.  Stay tuned to this time next week for the results for week 3.

Okay, I know that there are an awful lot of Vets out there, and some of you may even be suffering some of the maladies that are being discussed  in the PACT Act.  I know I have friends, and even my brother the Owl has some problems because of the damn burn pits.  This is important and I can’t believe it wasn’t passed. 

First of all, this is the email that I received from the American Legion, of which I have been a member for many, many years.

Dear American Legion members and friends,
 
Despite initial bipartisan agreement, the Honoring Our PACT Act is now in jeopardy. This transformative bill providing health care to veterans exposed to burn pits and toxic hazards initially passed both the House and Senate with bipartisan support in June, and again in the House of Representatives just two weeks ago in a 342-88 vote.

You heard that right: this same bill has already passed the House twice and the Senate once, and required a final confirmation in the Senate to be sent to the President’s desk and on July 27th the vote fell short 55-42.

As Senate Veterans Affairs Committee Chairman Jon Tester said,  “This is a sad day in the U.S. Senate. The American people are sick and tired of the games that go on in this body.”

You have a right to be outraged at what has transpired – and to let your senators know about it. We urge you to contact your senators and demand that that they stay in Washington until they pass this much-needed legislation.”

Take Action Now

I contacted my two state senators and let them know how I feel.  It’s not bad enough that we’re giving our money away to illegal aliens and other countries, and that we have veterans who are homeless and suffering who have proudly served our country, but now we won’t even give them the health care THEY WERE PROMISED when they promised to give up EVERYTHING UP TO AND INCLUDING THEIR VERY LIVES.  Seems like kind of a one-sided trade to me, and these damn politicians are even willing to hold up their pussy-assed side of it.  These politicians that get full benefits for life for serving a lousy 4 year term, where our military members, who put their lives on the line for NOWHERE NEAR THE SAME PAY get half pay, if and ONLY if they put in 20 years or more. 

So tell me again, how much you care about the military.

But, no one said it better than John Stewart…and I have that YouTube for you right here. 

I urge you all to contact your state senators and tell them that this is completely and totally unacceptable.  They need to get off their collective asses and get this bill passed.  Every single day that goes by another hero goes without the treatment they need, comes closer to taking their own life and it’s more than just them that suffers. 

Until next time my friends.

We’ve made it all the way round to Thursday again.  Been a VERY busy week.  Monday was Grief Group, Tuesday was my follow up appointment with the surgeon, Physical Therapy, and darts, Wednesday was going to church for either a different Grief Group or Bible study.  As of the writing of this, I haven’t decided yet.

So, talking to the doctor, he is EXTREMELY happy with my progress and we decided I don’t have to wait until September 8 to go back to work.  We talked about it and decided  that 15 August was the correct date.  So, that’s what I’m going with.

Tuesday was much better at darts than last time.  I didn’t win any more matches, but I played better and faster and am getting back into the swing of things.  So, all of that helps. 

So, I know that you don’t want to listen to me ramble on about me and do want to laugh, so…

Officer:  Do you know why I pulled you over? 

Me:  The warrant probably 

Officer:  You have a broken…What?! 

Me:  What?!

I talk an awful lot of smack for someone who tips over when putting on their underwear.

Some friends are much more comfortable to sleep on then others.

My young coworkers asked me to show them pictures of me in high school.  I said I’d go home and dig some out.  They said, “Can’t you just look on your phone?”

And I laughed and laughed and laughed and then I cried.

This damn phone book gets bigger every year!

No matter how hard I try, I never seem to run out of bad ideas.

If I’m a sarcastic asshole when I talk to you, it’s either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you…

Or I really hate you and don’t care if you know it…

Good luck figuring out which one.

I got so drunk last night, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.

Izzy Dragon saw this picture and said she didn’t like it because it was a bad mix of DC and Marvel.

A husband buys a dozen pairs of panties of the same color for his wife.  His wife protests, “Why the same color?  People will think I don’t change my panties!” 

The husband asks, “Which people?”

“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.”

– Golda Meir

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, when Roe vs. Wade popped back in the news… all the Liberals knew what a woman was again.

“I‘m so old that my blood type is discontinued.”

– Bill Dane

“The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.

– Mark Twain

“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself.”

– Tom Wilson

“I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.”

– Phyllis Diller

“Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.”

– George Burns

“Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.”

– John Wagner

“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.”

– Robert Orben

“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us,  at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us,  at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.”

– Ann Landers

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.”

– Andy Rooney

“I’ve never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else.”

– Josh Billings

“The idea is to die young as late as possible.”

– Ashley Montagu

And back then, this stuff worked for ANYTHING!!!

I’m not drinking ANYTHING that has “penis” in its name!

And that’s it for today my friends.

It’s Saturday, you guys are reading the last Dragon Laffs, number 2053, and it’s thunder and lightning here all day long.  Makes for quite the spooky atmosphere.  But the dogs…oh my dear granny dragon…the poor dogs.  They HATE the the thunder.  We have these hemp infused doggy treats especially for when it thunders out, they each get five of them, so long story short, I now have two very stoned little dragons in the cavern who couldn’t give a damn if a tank drove through.

And that’s been my whole morning so far, so I decided, I’m going to start the next dragon laffs so that I can laugh.  

My brother, the Owl has sent me some absolutely hilarious YouTube videos that I’m going to share with you guys.  Some of you will like them some of you may not.  We’ll see when we get there.  And in the spirit of getting there…

So, I gather that Monkeypox is beginning to be a thing now.  No matter how much we believe that it’s not a thing.  According to what Izzy dragon read to me today, there are 16,000 cases with 5 deaths, in 75 different countries.  The WHO says it could be a problem.  I don’t know.  With a 0.03% fatality rate, that’s like 100 times less than COVID was at it’s worst.  And the vaccine for it, which the WHO, in the first and only recommendation that they have ever made that I agree with, does not recommend that anyone take, is the exact same vaccine as the small pox vaccine.  So, if you’ve been vaccinated for small pox, which I would assume that most of us are, you’ve already had the monkeypox vaccine.  So, as far as THIS dragon is concerned, it’s just another instance of them trying to distract us with their left hand to do something else with their right.

Me:  [Looking at a barn full of feed] Who’s all that for? 

Farmer:  The cattle eat it. 

Me:  Wow, that’s one hungry cat.

Okay, first of the YouTube links. If you are or were into D&D you will find this hilarious.  If you want more, go to YouTube and search for a crap guide to dungeons and dragons, there’s like 20 more!  This one is by far the longest, but they are all funny.

“It’s a lonely life…here on the edge, watching…guarding…protecting the realm.  Just me and … oh good, the pizza is here!”

Medusa looked at me in the eyes…

Joke’s on her.  I was already stoned.

And here’s the second YouTube.  This one is also Dungeon and Dragons related, but it’s a movie trailer for a movie coming out next March, starring Chris Pine.  From Capt. Kirk to a … well, I won’t spoil it for you.  But THIS Dragon is definitely going to the theater to see this one!!

Pool Party at My House Tomorrow. 

Bring the pool please.

Yeah, the Whelpling was a lot like that … or worse.

“We are marshaling the troops, Lord, to go and slay the evil dragon.”
“And which evil dragon are we facing today, Master at Arms?”
“The Evil Impish Dragon, M’Lord!”
“Fuck that!  Let’s go home!”

I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I’m writing.  I feel it will really spice up my autobiography.

Okay, and the final YouTube from the Owl is Game of Thrones orientated.  I have to warn you though, don’t watch this if you haven’t seen Game of Thrones and are still planning on watching because there are spoilers in it, but if you have watched it, you HAVE TO WATCH THIS IT IS HILARIOUS!!!  So… here you go..

Okay, I just noticed that this says Vol 1.  So, if we’re going to do this, let’s do this!

And finally, this one!!!!

Okay, so some of you are thinking THAT WAS AWESOME!  While others are saying, Well, there’s 30 minutes of my life I’ll never get back, and yet a few more are saying, videos?  What videos?  Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed are short little movie madness today, so now back to the memes!

You know me, if I ever win the Lottery, rest assured nobody around me will be poor, and I mean that.

I will move to a rich neighborhood.

My great-grandma started giggling at a barbecue and when I asked her what’s so funny, she said, “everyone here is alive because I got laid.”

I was going to post a joke about time travel.

But you guys didn’t like it.

People who say “Go Big or Go Home” seriously underestimate my willingness to go home.  Like, it’s literally my only goal.

Sasquatch, buddy!  Have I got some news for you!

And why, oh, why hasn’t EVERYBODY realized it yet?

Because both of those requests fit THEIR agenda!!

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel. 

An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel. 

A REALIST sees a freight train.

The TRAIN DRIVER sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks.

How Social Media Works

Me:  I prefer mangoes to oranges…

Random Person:  So basically, what you’re saying is that you hate oranges? You also failed to mention pineapples, bananas and grapefruits. Educate yourself.

Not just Social Media, but the Main Stream Media, too.

Yeah, yeah, but that’s what a LOT of crappy arthritis in your feet feels like ALL THE FRIGGIN’ TIME!!!

I had a GREAT time horseback riding today!

But then I ran out of quarters.

In today’s Last Word, we’ve got a very special essay sent into us by … well, you’ll see ..

If you never again read anything I post…read this!

(Friggin’) Pete

America has always been a beacon of hope and inspiration for the last two and a half centuries and a light that always shone. Now it is in danger of extinction from within.

IS THE SUN SETTING?

ONLY GOD KNOWS….

Author unknown

“Men, like nations, think they’re eternal. What man in his 20s or 30s doesn’t believe, at least subconsciously, that he’ll live forever In the springtime of youth, an endless summer beckons. As you pass 70, it’s harder to hide from reality.

Nations also have seasons: Imagine a Roman of the 2nd century contemplating an empire that stretched from Britain to the Near East, thinking: This will endure forever.. Forever was about 500 years, give or take.

France was pivotal in the 17th and 18th centuries; now the land of Charles Martel is on its way to becoming part of the Muslim ummah.

In the 19th and early 20th centuries, the sun never set on the British empire; now Albion exists in a perpetual twilight. Its 95-year-old sovereign is a fitting symbol for a nation in terminal decline.

In the 1980s, Japan seemed poised to buy the world. Business schools taught Japanese management techniques. Today, its birth rate is so low and its population aging so rapidly that an industry has sprung up to remove the remains of elderly Japanese who die alone.

I was born in 1942, almost at the midpoint of the 20th century – the American century. America’s prestige and influence were never greater. Thanks to the ‘Greatest Generation,’ we won a World War fought throughout most of Europe, Asia and the Pacific. We reduced Germany to rubble and put the rising sun to bed. It set the stage for almost half a century of unprecedented prosperity.

We stopped the spread of communism in Europe and Asia, and fought international terrorism. We rebuilt our enemies and lavished foreign aid on much of the world. We built skyscrapers and rockets to the moon. We conquered Polio and now COVID. We explored the mysteries of the Universe and the wonders of DNA.. the blueprint of life.

But where is the glory that once was Rome? America has moved from a relatively free economy to socialism – which has worked so well NOWHERE in the world.

We’ve gone from a republican government guided by a constitution to a regime of revolving elites. We have less freedom with each passing year, becoming more and more dependent upon a gov’t which can never provide for us. Like a signpost to the coming reign of terror, the cancel culture is everywhere. We’ve traded the American Revolution for the Cultural Revolution.

The pathetic creature in the White House is an empty vessel filled by his handlers. At the G-7 Summit, ‘Dr. Jill’ had to lead him like a child. In 1961, when we were young and vigorous, our leader was too. Now a feeble nation is technically led by the oldest man to ever serve in the presidency.

We can’t defend our borders, our history (including monuments to past greatness) or our streets. Our cities have become anarchist playgrounds. We are a nation of dependents, mendicants, and misplaced charity. Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.

The president of the United States can’t even quote the beginning of the Declaration of Independence (‘You know – The Thing’) correctly. Ivy League graduates routinely fail history tests that 5th graders could pass a generation ago. Crime rates soar and we blame the 2nd. Amendment and slash police budgets.

Our culture is certifiably insane. Men who think they’re women. People who fight racism by seeking to convince members of one race that they’re inherently evil, and others that they are perpetual victims. A psychiatrist lecturing at Yale said she fantasizes about ‘unloading a revolver into the head of any white person.’

We slaughter the unborn in the name of freedom, while our birth rate dips lower year by year. Our national debt is so high that we can no longer even pretend that we will repay it one day. It’s a $28-trillion monument to our improvidence and refusal to confront reality. Our ‘entertainment’ is sadistic, nihilistic and as enduring as a candy bar wrapper thrown in the trash. Our music is noise that spans the spectrum from annoying to repulsive.

Patriotism is called insurrection, treason celebrated, and perversion sanctified. A man in blue gets less respect than a man in a dress. We’re asking soldiers to fight for a nation our leaders no longer believe in.

How meekly most of us submitted to Fauci-ism (the regime of face masks, lockdowns and hand sanitizers) shows the impending death of the American spirit.

How do nations slip from greatness to obscurity?

Fighting endless wars they can’t or won’t win • Accumulating massive debt far beyond their ability to repay • Refusing to guard their borders, allowing the nation to be inundated by an alien horde. Surrendering control of their cities to mob rule Allowing indoctrination of the young. Moving from a republican form of government to an oligarchy. Losing national identity. Indulging indolence. Abandoning faith and family – the bulwarks of social order.

In America, every one of these symptoms is pronounced, indicating an advanced stage of the disease.

Even if the cause seems hopeless, do we not have an obligation to those who sacrificed so much to give us what we had? I’m surrounded by ghosts urging me on: the Union soldiers who held Cemetery Ridge at Gettysburg, the battered bastards of Bastogne, those who served in the cold hell of Korea, the guys who went to the jungles of Southeast Asia and came home to be reviled or neglected.

This is the nation that took in my immigrant grandparents, whose uniform my father and most of my uncles wore in the Second World War. I don’t want to imagine a world without America, even though it becomes increasingly likely.

During Britain’s darkest hour, when its professional army was trapped at Dunkirk and a German invasion seemed imminent, Churchill reminded his countrymen, ‘Nations that go down fighting rise again, and those that surrender tamely are finished.’

The same might be said of causes. If we let America slip through our fingers, if we lose without a fight, what will posterity say of us?

While the prognosis is far from good, only God knows if America’s day in the sun is over.”

You will have to admit, that  every single thing that the author wrote is absolutely true. 

And that is it for today my friends.  If I want to get this out in time, I have to finish it now.  May your days be filled with love and happiness. Until we meet again.

It is Saturday!  It has been a week!  Grief Group, Physical Therapy, a real live meeting at the Sherriff’s Office (LEPC meeting, which stands for Local Emergency Planning Committee), more Physical Therapy, Teleworking every day, with a full 8 hours of telework on Thursday … IT’S BEEN A WEEK!  And I’m actually pretty happy about that.

Although, I did have one minor panic attack.  I’m not sure WHY I’m having these things.  They don’t really make much sense.  I’ve never had them before.  It’s gotta be part of my grieving process that’s not making any sense to me.  

Okay, so I just read several articles on line and it turns out that it IS part of the grieving process, just not recognized as such because it doesn’t happen to many people.  So, I’m not alone.  I’ll just bring it up at my next meeting and we’ll take it from there.

Another thing that Izzy has been doing with my help, I bought her a rock tumbler as a gift and we put the first load of rocks through.  It is a four step process.  I’ve never done this before, even as a kid, so I’m having as much fun with it as she is.  You put the rocks in a drum, add a special tumbling grit, which gets finer with each time you put it in, add a little water, and then you tumble it for several days.  The first tumble with the #1 grit was for 6 days.  They started out with a pre-packaged bunch of rocks that came with the kit, we used half of it and threw some of our own stones in there as well.  I put one of mine in, too.  I wish I had taken a picture of the before stones, but they were all just brown rocks.  Here is what they looked like after step one and 6 days of solid tumbling.

The one that’s circled is mine.  The second stage gets tumbled for 6 to 8 days.  So, next Saturday we’ll see what they look like.

Okay, we’ve talked about a bunch of other stuff, so now it’s time to talk about funny stuff, so let’s get there!

Not if you have to ask, dude.

If I got a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

That’s cold blooded.

You’ve already lost because you’re asking.

Some angry guy with road rage just yelled out his window, “I’m gonna make your life a living hell!”

I yelled back, “Thanks, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”

Yeah, we all know this person, too.

And every man who has EVER been in a relationship will agree…

The Most Dangerous Animal in the World…

Is a Smiling Woman Sitting in Silence.

Good old cartoons!!!

This one is called Awaiting Santa … and it’s a beautiful picture that always brings a tear to my eye.

Boy, ain’t that the truth!

Sorry I sprayed that WD-40 in your mouth…

But it DID stop that noise you were making.

That is absolutely awesome advertising!!!

Back in my day, it was a game of dodgeball where you found out who really didn’t like you.

Nationwide manhunt for those who stormed the US Capitol!
That’s a good thing.
My question is this:
Why is there no nationwide manhunt for the people who burned and looted Seattle and Portland for over 150 days?
Why no manhunt for the people who burn down federal buildings?
Why no manhunt for people who burned churches?
Why no manhunt for people who threw Molotov cocktails, chemical irritants and explosives at police officers?
Why no manhunt for people who topple statues?
Why no manhunt for people who looted and burned private businesses?
Why no manhunt for people who brutally attacked elderly people merely for trying to defend their livelihood?

Why?  Could there be a hidden agenda?  Not so fucking hidden when you look at it that way, is it?

I got nuthin’, so it’s just gonna have to be because it’s a cool picture.

That was a long way to go to prove a point…

Although it does kind of emphasize her cheeks.

I’m gonna get smacked around for that one.

The only reason our government would want to disarm us after 243 years is because they are planning on doing something to us that we would shoot them for.

And you know that’s the truth!

Infestation !!! Who do we call for Pest Removal ?

In this crazy political season, a little religion might be appropriate so here is a short Bible study.

Remember what Jesus said: ‘Goats on the left, sheep on the right’ (Matthew 25:33).

Jesus also told Peter that if he wanted to catch fish do it from the right side of the boat. They did and filled the boat with fish.

John 21:6 (NIV) … He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.”

The Origin of Left & Right…often wonder why it is that Conservatives are called the “right” and Liberals are called the “left”?

How about this verse in the Bible: Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV) – “The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left.” It surely can’t get any simpler than that.

Spelling Lesson:

1. The last four letters in American……….I Can
2. The last four letters in Republican…… I Can
3. The last four letters in Democrats…….. Rats

End of lesson! …Test to follow in November 2022.

Remember, November 2022 is to be set aside as rodent removal month.

Please share this Bible Lesson with all your friends and email buddies to help achieve that goal.

Never grow a wishbone where a backbone ought to be.

I wouldn’t do anything for a Klondike Bar…but I would probably do some sketchy stuff for a full tank of gas.

Everyone says I should sign up for a 401k, but I don’t think I can run that far.

“A Vodka, Please.”

“Umm, this is McDonald’s…”

“Okay, Whatever, A McVodka, Please.”

Gotta share this comment from our Nursey Camper Friend Marsha ’cause it’s so much fun!

WHAT ABOUT THE MORE THAN 4% WHO HAVE ATTEMPTED WORLD DOMINATION!?!?!?

I think that slice indicating the amount of time spent doing what they were elected to do is a bit generous…probably extremely generous.

Sadly, there are way too many military members who are beginning to feel the exact same way.

We are hearing very similar sentiments over and over and over again.

If you don’t get it, I’m not going to explain it.

I like this next one, just because it’s something stupid enough that I would say it in real life if I could remember it…

Don’t use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.

I don’t really have a plan.  I rely on caffeine and weirdness to get me through the day.

I’ve NEVER Seen An Alcohol And Cigarette Shortage…

And that brings us to the conclusion of today’s episode my wonderful friends and family.  I hope you all had as much fun reading as I had writing.  Please have a wonderful weekend filled with love and happiness.  Until we meet again.

Just some of the critter friends that we’ve featured on the show from time to  time.  And some that I’m sure you’ll see again in the future…plus others.  I’ve actually started this one on Sunday evening while I’m listening to the police scanner of an active shooter event in Indianapolis at the Greenwood Park Mall while talking to my brother The Owl on text message.  He got the message through his “sources” down in Florida and reached out to me to make sure that neither Izzy Dragon nor I was in Indy today and he showed me how to use an app that both of us had to tune in to something in particular from anywhere in the country.  So…pretty cool.  There is a feature on there called “Popular” and it goes by the most listeners and when I tuned in there were more than 21,000 people listening in on this active shooter incident…on an app…on their phones!  Wild!  I talk on the radio as part of my job all the time, and you can listen on this app, so I guess I’m gonna have to mind my P’s and Q’s a little bit closer, lol. 

Nah!

Anyway, Izzy Dragon is at work tonight and I had plans to binge watch Stargate Universe that my buddy Wheats sent me Season 1 on Blu-ray on.  I really am enjoying it.  I’m on like episode 8 or something like that.  It’s really pretty good.  I’m not much into the Stargate thing, saw the original movie and that was about it, so this could jumpstart me into a whole new genre of stuff to watch. 

Okay, so I just looked it up and I’m actually watching the last of the Stargate stuff first!  Wheats, buddy what are you doing to me?  But again, that’s okay.  I may go back and watch the other stuff, I may not.  More of a book person, anyway. 

So, at this point, I think it’s time to slip into the beginnings of the fun stuff.  I have some mail and comments and stuff to get to, but for now, let’s start in on the laughter.

I’m trying to cut back on sugar so I started to browse the internet for advice on how to do so.
The first website I went to asked if I wanted to accept cookies. 
……
This isn’t going to be easy.

This chef on TV just said, “Where there’s fat, there’s flavor.”  I know he was talking about food, but I still took it as a compliment.

“I wuv you!”  Yeah … I was a bit goofy in high school.

Bet you all aren’t laughing at the Amish any more.  As they go clickety-clacking right on past the gas station.

I love to sing.  My music collection is mostly 70s rock and it’s amazing how I remember the words to songs that I haven’t heard in years.  One of the favorite things Mary and would do is put on the music collection in the car and drive and sing.  But, she would always turn the volume way up so she couldn’t hear me, BECAUSE I SUCK!  Oh my lord I am so bad.  But, I truly do love to sing!

My 3 year-old daughter asked, “Where does poo come from?” 
To make it simple, I said, “You just had breakfast, right?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“Well, the food goes in your mouth and down into your tummy.  Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what’s left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.”
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds.  Then she asked, “And Tigger?” 

What should you do if you have two belly buttons? 

Give one to the Naval Reserve.

DO IT NOW!

“Fly my dragon!  Bring home my treasure!”

To the thief who took my anti-depressants:

I hope you’re happy!

[Walks into a book store] 

Me:  Do you have any books on turtles? 

Worker:  Hard back? 

Me:  Yeah, with little heads.

When you have two kids but only 17 cookies left and can’t have them fighting about unfair distribution so you eat all 17 cookies because you’re a good parent.

A thief broke into my house last night…He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him.

“Are you decent?” 

Not morally, but I’m wearing pants if that’s what you’re asking.

Let’s take the opportunity here to take a few minutes and do some mail, comments, stuff like that. Let’s start with one from Marsha, our nurse friend from several days back…

Biden can blame it on whatever he wants to blame it on, but we all know it’s his fucking fault!

Okay, we’ll do a few more to catch up to present, okay?

Friggin’ Pete sent us this great little essay that I’d like to share with the rest of you guys.

As a man, I used to think I was pretty much just a regular person, but I was born white, into a two-parent household which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a “Privileged”, racist and responsible for slavery.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist because I plan, budget and support myself.

I went to High School, got a degree, got in some college and have always held a job. But I now find out that I am not here because I earned it, but because I was “advantaged”.

I am heterosexual, which according to “woke” folks, now makes me a homophobe

I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which makes me a de facto member of the “vast NRA gun lobby”

I am older than 60, making me a useless imbecile who doesn’t understand the writings on Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat.

I think and I reason, and I doubt much of what the “main stream” media tells me, which makes me a “Right-wing conspiracy nut”.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, making me a xenophobe.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort – not freedom of outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.

I believe in the defense and protection of America for & by all citizens, now making me a militant.

I am proud of our flag, what it stands for and the many who died to let it fly, so I stand and salute during our National Anthem so I must be a racist.

I believe in the rule of law and the law and order that the Police provide regardless of the flaws of a few. So I back the rampant Systemic racism that is so prevalent in all areas of our society.

So all together this make me a brutality loving Privileged racist homophobic advantaged fascist Right-wing conspiracy nut NRA gun carrying infidelic Facebook illiterate xenophobic borderline socialpathic anti-socialist Right-wing conspiracy nut militant.

Please help me come to terms with the new me because I’m just not sure who I am anymore!

Well, me too, Pete.  I dare say that there are a few others of us that need the same help.

Okay, ran out of time for more.  Love and happiness to you all.