Dragon Laffs

Accidentally sent out an email saying a new post was posted. The new post will be posted on Monday morning as normal.

Sorry ‘bout dat!

Good Morning Campers,

I’m in shock this morning.  I’m sad, I’m angry, and I’m completely flabbergasted (I’ve been using that word a lot lately).  And I’m so pissed off at the fucking media I can hardly speak.  All fucking year long … the rioting and burning and looting and they mostly downplayed it or even ignored it completely and today (Thursday) they are out for blood!  And not a single one of them have said a word about the fact that the ones who actually broke in and caused the damage were ANTIFA agents dressed as Trump supporters planted in the group to cause trouble!  99% of the protesters (and they were protesters, not rioters like the media would have you believe) were well behaved and just pissed off American Citizens expressing their displeasure with their elected leaders. 

These fuckers did everything they wanted to do, they did it right in front of all of us, and nobody is doing anything about it.  And now, on top of everything else, on top of shutting down Trumps Twitter account and his Facebook account, not broadcasting his speech on TV, not consulting him about bringing in the National Guard, completely cutting him out … which sounds an awful lot like a coup, now the democrats want to Article 25 or impeach him in his last days of office because he was honest enough to call a thief a thief. 

I don’t know folks.  As I was telling Sasquatch earlier, I got into this blog business so I could say what I wanted to say without worrying about what other people thought.  Like-minded people would follow along and unlike-minded people would eventually get sick and tired of listening to me and find somewhere else to hang out.  I wonder how much longer things like free speech are going to be allowed?  You may think I am overreacting, but am I?  Let’s not even go as far as talking about President Trump losing his Facebook and Twitter accounts and he’s the friggin’ President!  You’d think if ANYONE would have freedom of speech it would be him.  And don’t give me any crap about inciting riot or any crap like that.  Or that shit that Zuckerberg threw out there “we believe the risks of allowing the President to continue to use our service during this period are simply too great …” Oh, bullshit!  Kiss my ass you pussy asshole! 

I have a friend of mine that got kicked off Twitter for a month for calling Kamala Harris a whore and that’s a proven and self-admitted fact.  There’s even pictures for crying-out-loud!

And for goodness sake, how many times do I have to call Pelosi a bitch before someone comes and shuts off my Wi-Fi?  But the nice people at Word Press have never given me a warning.  But, is that going to change?  Is it going to become a crime to not spout the party line?  It seems to be the case nationally now and on the larger platforms.  It only seems to be the smaller, little read spots where you can get to the truth.  And even when you tell the truth and even don’t use derogatory language on the big platforms like twitter … you get shut down if you say something that doesn’t agree with party politic. 

So … what happens next?  Well, next for us is some laughter … for the country … Biden becomes our next president, at least for a few months until Kamala takes over because he becomes “indisposed”.  As for the rest … time will tell.  It’s time for me to push this soapbox back under the desk where it belongs and let’s laugh … at least a little.  Because it’s better to laugh than it is to cry.

I have to say a special thanks to Joe L in New Jersey for this one.  It made me laugh so hard when I really needed a laugh, I really didn’t see the end coming, and it was brand new for me!  Thanks Joe!  A brother from NJ!

It is said no English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words – “Complete” and “Finished”.
In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
The final question was: “How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand ? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.”
Here is his astute answer:
“When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”
He won a trip around the world, and a case of 25yo Scotch.

No shit, hold my beer.  The little bastard has started off with a bang.

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these days.

Age 16:  Takes 4 hours to do hair and plan outfit

Age 18:  Takes 2 hours to do hair and plan outfit

Now:  I brushed my hair 3 days ago and I have no idea whose shirt this is

As I sneak up behind the king, and wrap my hands around his eyes, I whisper in his ear, “Guess who.”

And you younger ones probably don’t recognize why that’s funny.

My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.  He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair. 

“My goodness,” he said with excitement, “you appear quite elderly to be driving.”

“Well, yes I am,” she replied proudly.  “I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don’t even need a driver’s license anymore.  The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver’s license.  I told him yes and handed it to him.  He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the wastebasket, saying, you won’t need this anymore, so I thanked him and left!”

This next one asks a REALLY good question …

Because I’m a Man

This one is, of course, from Stephanie … and there is much with it that I take exception to.  I will, again of course, point out the places where I take exception as we go through it together.

Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AA is not an option. I will win.  This one is true.  Why call AAA when a coat hanger is normally easily at hand and I can do it myself.

Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.  I did use to be able to fix these things, now who the heck knows, and of course a beer is involved … so yeah, this one is true, too.

Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.  Everyone knows that women don’t get as sick as men do, and pointing it out like this is just not right, so I suppose this one is true, but just mean.

Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “tofu.” For all I know, these are the same thing.  No one even eats tofu!

Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.  Hey!  I fixed things!  Once!

Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole program looking for it…though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator…(applies to engineers mainly).  Holding the remote is a man’s right!

Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t ask.  This list sucks!

Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother, too.  Never mind, just finish the damn list.

Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t…and if you are feeling amorous afterwards…then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2020, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest…. like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

Because of my ……..

I was on a regular drive to work when suddenly a police car flags me down to stop.

I await nervously while he saunters over and raps his knuckles smartly on my window.

Cop: “Do you know why I pulled you over ?”

Me: “Because of my …”

Car driving by: HONKKKK !!!

Me: “Because of my ……”

2nd car driving by: HONKKKKKKK !!!!

Me: “Because of my ……”

3rd car driving by: HOOONNNNKKKKKKK !!!!

Me: Because of my

            “Honk if you think cops are idiots’’

                                   bumper sticker ?

Thanks to John S … who normally sends us the Bozo criminals of the day … for these stories of Smart Thieves as lessons learned for us to study and be smarter for.

1. LONG  – TERM PARKING

Some  people left their car in the long-term parking at the airport while away, and  someone broke into the car. Using the information on the car’s  registration in the glove compartment, they drove the car to the  people’s home and robbed it.  So I guess if we are going to leave the car in long-term parking, we  should NOT leave the registration/insurance cards in it, nor your remote  garage door opener. This gives us something to think about with all our  new electronic technology.

2. GPS:

Someone had their car broken into  while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the  green which was adjacent to the football  stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the  car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had  been prominently mounted on the dashboard. When the victims got  home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just  about everything worth anything had been  stolen. The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house.  They then used the garage remote control  to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves  knew the owners were at the football  game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they

Knew how much time they had to clean  out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to  empty the house of its contents Something  to consider if you have a GPS – don’t put your home address in it.  Put a nearby address (like a store or  gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no  one else would know where you live if  your GPS were stolen.

3. CELL  PHONES:

I  never thought of this! This lady has now changed her habit of how she  lists her names on her cell phone after her handbag was  stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet,  etc., was stolen. Twenty minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened,  hubby says, “I received your text asking about our Pin number and I’ve  replied a little while ago.” When they rushed down to the  bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The  thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text  “hubby” in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20  minutes he had withdrawn all the money from  their bank account.

4. PURSE IN THE  GROCERY CART SCAM:

A lady went grocery-shopping at a  local mall and left her purse sitting in the children’s seat of the cart while she reached something off a shelf/ Wait  till you read the WHOLE story! Her wallet was stolen, and she reported  it to the store personnel. After  returning home, she received a phone call from the Mall Security
To  say that they had her wallet and that although  there was no money in it, it did still hold her personal papers. She  immediately went to pick up her wallet, only to  be told by Mall Security that they had not called her. By the time she returned home again, her house had been  broken into and burglarized. The thieves knew that by calling and saying  they were Mall Security, they could lure  her out of her house long enough for them to burglarize it

Moral lesson:

A. Do not disclose the relationship  between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names  like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad,  Mum, etc.

B. And very importantly, when  sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling  back.

C. Also, when you’re being texted by friends or family to meet  them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If  you don’t reach them, be very careful about going places to meet  “family and friends” who text  you.

Yeah … that one’s just because it’s cool …

Chris writes and says …   I am confused

I DO NOT CONDONE RIOTING OR LOOTING OF ANY KIND BY ANYONE AND BOTH EVENTS NOTED BELOW DISGUST ME.

I am confused though…The news would lead me to believe…..

Rioting, looting and attacking and defacing federal buildings is ok for liberals and Black Lives Matter and they should be forgiven and not prosecuted.

                                     but

Rioting, looting and attacking and defacing federal buildings is not ok for conservatives and Trump supporters and is treasonous.

And the more I read and find out the more I learn that 99.9% of the Trump supporters were well behaved and some of them actually tried to stop the ANTFA mobs from breaking into the Capitol building.  But, for the ones who were NOT protesting properly … you were wrong.  Those of them who followed the people who broke in to the Capitol … YOU were wrong, even though you weren’t the ones who broke in.  And in the end … all played right into their hands.

And I am so disappointed and so overwhelmed … we need to just go back to the laughs.

Friend:  What’s the most difficult part of being a parent?

Me:  Without a shadow of doubt, it’s the kids.

I’d like to cancel my subscription to 2021.  I’ve experienced the free 7-day trial and I’m not interested.

Here’s an inspirational story from 09 December 2015

Alex went to the DMV to renew his license. When he was told to go have his picture taken he noticed that there were some men having their picture taken, these men were wearing turbans on there heads. Alex was asked to take his hat off to have his picture taken. He said “no”, and “no” again when asked the second time. When he was asked why he would not remove his hat he said, “those men didn’t remove their head wear, I shouldn’t either”. It was explained that this was their attire and their religion. Alex told the DMV person that what he had on was his attire and when he entered the Marines he declared an oath to the USA, and one nation under God, so that his oath was under God so just as good as his religion. Well, the DMV people didn’t know what to do, they spoke to supervisors and called Sacramento. Alex was told, after an hour, that he could wear his hat for the picture and if there were any problems they would let him know and he could appeal their decision. He told them if there was a problem he WILL appeal it. Alex feels no one has more right to display their head gear then a Veteran or active service person. When he left several employees at the DMV clapped quietly for him. He has spoken to few other Veterans and they plan to do the same.

There is a special place reserved for you in hell … and may you get there sooner rather than later.

And around here we also call them …

Doctor:  You’ve been diagnosed with an incredibly rare disease.

Me:  How rare?

Doctor:  What do you want to name it?

And I’ve run out of time.  It’s now way past my bedtime and I do have things to do tomorrow, so I must end this here.  Good luck and God Bless you all until we meet again my friends.  Be good to each other and stay true.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to yet another edition of the Universe’s Greatest Ezine!  No?  Okay … Welcome to the Galaxy’s Greatest E … not even that, huh?  Solar System’s Greatest … ?  World’s Great … Oh come on!

Ahem ….

Welcome to Peru, Indiana’s Greatest Ezine!  Oh, never friggin’ mind!  These new truth in advertising laws are for the damn birds!  Why do I even pay you lawyers, if you aren’t there to get me out of these frivolous lawsuits when they come up?  I miss the good old days when you could say whatever the hell you wanted to say and no one gave a damn one way or the other … it was called freedom of speech and it was one of our rights.  Now, if it’s not Political Correct, it’s against the damn law.

Okay, you gotta get me off the soap box so we can laugh or it’s going to be a LONG issue.  I’m gonna bitch about something anyway, that’s a given, but let’s not start that way, shall we?

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly?  I feel that way about far too many people.

The older you get, the more you appreciate cancelled plans, early nights, thunderstorms, and alcohol that is on sale.

Lynn sent me this next one with the subject line of Best Christmas present ever …

Exclusive Details

Somebody left Speaker Nancy Pelosi a very disturbing message to kick off the new year … and it seems to be related to the ongoing financial struggles of millions of Americans.

Pelosi’s San Francisco home was vandalized overnight … most of the damage was done to her garage door and driveway. The perp or perps spray-painted “Cancel Rent!” and “We Want Everything” in big black letters on her door … and there’s also a nod to the failed $2,000 government stimulus checks.

By the way, that’s also a pig’s head lying in front of the garage door.  And to add insult to injury, a few days later, the same thing happened to Mitch McConnell’s Louisville home …

One of my biggest questions is kinda of an obvious one … don’t these high powered assholes have security people or at LEAST cameras?  Or are they so full of themselves that they think this couldn’t possibly happen to them?

I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 45, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

Don’t ever get between a dragon and its meal

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Amazon just got approved for drone delivery.  We now have skeet shooting with prizes.

Mrs. Dragon in high school.  She was a bit of a terror.

A woman visits her husband in prison.  Before leaving, she tells a correction officer, “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that.  He’s exhausted!”  The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding?  He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!”  The wife replies, “ He just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for months!”

To applaud a politician because he has built a hospital, a school, road, etc. with public money is the same as applauding an ATM because it gives you your money.

I love to make lists.  I also like to leave them on the kitchen counter and then guess what’s on the list while at the store.

Imagine being so fucking dumb that you think the guy in office for four years is the problem, and the guy in office for forty-seven years is the solution.

Guess what happens after you’re offended?

Nothing!  That’s it!  Now be an adult and move on.

Watching Washington D.C. implode tonight.  Not really sure what’s going to end up happening.  I’m getting lots of back channel information on things that you may or may not be privy too, such as the people who actually broke into the Capitol Building were actually ANTIFA and BLM people dressed up as Trump Supporters and that other things that may or may not come out over the next day or so.  So, this may be appropriate … or it may not.  But, one thing is for sure, the American people are pissed off.

Fucking Well Count on it!!

You call it “Road Rage”

I call it “Aggressively maneuvering around assholes that don’t know how to fucking drive”

 

Bozo criminal for today comes from Brunswick, GA. Bozo Bob Hall snatched a woman’s purse in a shopping center parking lot. The woman was able to give a good description to the police and so the police were quickly able to pick up Bob as a suspect. The police explained to the Bozo that they were going to take him back to the shopping center so that they could get a positive ID out of the victim. When they arrived at the scene, the Bozo did exactly as he was told. He stepped from the car, looked at the victim and said, “yeah, that’s her. That’s the woman I robbed.”

Hey babe, pass that this way…

And with that … I’m gonna call it a night.  More excitement to follow.  It certainly is exciting watching the TV … I guess we’ll catch up on Saturday … I hope. 

Good Morning Campers,

Well, we made it through the weekend … or at least you guys did.  I’m doing the time traveling thing again.  For me, it’s still Saturday, but I’m speaking to you on Monday morning. It’s truly amazing how science and technology works in the modern age!  I always hoped that I’d be around for time travel to become a thing and here it is..

I was told the other day that I am a mean father.  I think that might be true.  I have one medication that I take that is delivered by UPS and I got a message that said it wasn’t going to be delivered right away because they couldn’t get ahold of the doctor.  Well, it’s between holidays, so that made sense and I wasn’t going to worry that much about it since I wasn’t out, so I let it go.  Then I noticed I got another message from UPS saying I was getting a package delivered that day and I knew it could only be that medicine and since it had to be kept cold I also knew they had to knock on the door.    Here’s where the mean father part comes in … we were all in the living room right by the front door when there was a noise by the door.  And it just so happened that both dogs were outside at the time, so they didn’t bark at the sound.  Izzy heard the noise and wondered what that was.  I KNEW it was the UPS driver delivering the box, but didn’t say anything.  She walked up to the front door, pulled the curtain back at the same time he leaned over to ring the door bell which put them about nose to nose through the glass. 

Now, you have to picture our Izzy dragon suffers from anxiety anyway, and our normal UPS guy is a wonderful man who I’ve had several conversations with, but he is a GIANT black man.  Now Izzy pulls back the curtain to see a bear of a black man in a brown uniform wearing a brown face mask looking back in at her just as the door bell rings right next to her ear and she SCREAMS and of course I LAUGHED so hard tears are rolling down my cheeks because that worked out so much better than I could have ever expected.  The poor UPS driver is headed back to his truck and I stick my head out the door and yell, “Sorry about that.” and his reply was, “You’d be amazed, but it happens all the time.”

Now … I have to ask you … does that make me a bad father?  Well, we’ll have to see how long I’m in the doghouse… but I’m still laughing about it.

I know, right?

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care.

So, it works out.

Today’s bozo criminal comes from Ocean City, New Jersey. Bozo Sam Hall broke into a rare coin shop and began rummaging around. Wasn’t too long before he came across a book detailing the values of the various coins and since he didn’t know which ones were worth stealing, he must have decided to sit down and do a little research. Obviously, a book of coin values is pretty boring reading and soon Sam was fast asleep. And that’s how the police found him, happily sawing logs with the book of coin values in his lap.

This next one was sent to me by our furry friend Sasquatch…who’s been sending me some really interesting stuff lately that I will work in where and how I can.  This one I found quite interesting and it’s a subject we’ve talked about before.

MAGINE THAT! THEY WILL NEVER TELL YOU THESE FACTS.

You may already be aware of all this, but put into perspective it is pretty insightful, and the conclusion is the eye opener!! Pass this along to 2nd Amendment supporters (and detractors)!!!

EXCELLENT! STATS ON GUN VIOLENCE Interesting statistics! This jives with the research of Prof. Lott at the University of Chicago, who is a noted expert on gun laws and stats.

There are 30,000 gun related death s per year by firearms, and this number is not disputed. The U.S. population is 324,059,091 as of June 22, 2016. Do the math: 0.00925% of the population dies from gun related actions each year. Statistically speaking, this is insignificant! What is never told, however, is a breakdown of those 30,000 deaths, to put them in perspective as compared to other causes of death:

65% of those deaths are by suicide, which would never be prevented by gun laws.

15% are by law enforcement in the line of duty and justified.

17% are through criminal activity, gang and drug related or mentally ill persons – better known as gun violence.

3% are accidental discharge deaths.

So technically, “gun violence” is not 30,000 annually, but drops to 5,100. Still too many? Now lets look at how those deaths spanned across the nation.

480 homicides (9.4%) were in Chicago

344 homicides (6.7%) were in Baltimore

333 homicides (6.5%) were in Detroit

119 homicides (2.3%) were in Washington D.C. (a 54% increase over prior years)

So basically, 25% of all gun crime happens in just 4 cities. All 4 of those cities have strict gun laws, so it is not the lack of law that is the root cause.

This basically leaves 3,825 for the entire rest of the nation, or about 75 deaths per state. That is an average because some States have much higher rates than others. For example, California had 1,169 and Alabama had 1.

Now, who has the strictest gun laws by far? California, of course, but understand, it is not guns causing this. It is a crime rate spawned by the number of criminal persons residing in those cities and states. So, if all cities and states are not created equal, then there must be something other than the tool causing the gun deaths.

Are 5,100 deaths per year horrific? How about in comparison to other deaths? All death is sad and especially so when it is in the commission of a crime but that is the nature of crime. Robbery, death, rape, assaults are all done by criminals. It is ludicrous to think that criminals will obey laws. That is why they are called criminals.

But what about other deaths each year?

40,000+ die from a drug overdose–THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THAT!

36,000 people die per year from the flu, far exceeding the criminal gun deaths.

34,000 people die per year in traffic fatalities(exceeding gun deaths even if you include suicide).

Now it gets good:

200,000+ people die each year (and growing) from preventable medical errors. You are safer walking in the worst areas of Chicago than you are when you are in a hospital!

710,000 people die per year from heart disease. It’s time to stop the double cheeseburgers! So, what is the point? If the liberal loons and the anti-gun movement focused their attention on heart disease, even a 10% decrease in cardiac deaths would save twice the number of lives annually of all gun-related deaths (including suicide, law enforcement, etc.).

A 10% reduction in medical errors would be 66% of the total number of gun deaths or 4 times the number of criminal homicides ……………. Simple, easily preventable 10% reductions! So, you have to ask yourself, in the grand scheme of things, why the focus on guns?

It’s pretty simple:
Taking away guns gives control to governments. The founders of this nation knew that regardless of the form of government, those in power may become corrupt and seek to rule as the British did by trying to disarm the populace of the colonies. It is not difficult to understand that a disarmed populace is a controlled populace.

Thus, the second amendment was proudly and boldly included in the U.S. Constitution. It must be preserved at all costs . So, the next time someone tries to tell you that gun control is about saving lives, look at these facts and remember these words from Noah Webster: “Before a standing army can rule, the people must be disarmed.”

Absolutely wonderfully stated! 

And just got this from Sasquatch, so I came back up here to add it, since it fit right in.  Here is a really good video to go along with all that we just talked about: https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=682JLrsUmEM 

Okay, I’m flabbergasted … how can the President of the United States give a speech from the White House and no news networks cover it?  This makes no sense to me at all?  How is this possible?  But according to Sasquatch and the website and stuff that he sent me here, that’s exactly what happened.  I’d sure like some comments from you guys …

Every one who views this should CALL their Congress person & demand this be shown & acted upon immediately.

Subject: Trump masterfully delivers the facts & truth of the

stolen election

Trump ’s speech yesterday December 24, 2020 that NO MAJOR MEDIA COVERED! Appalling censorship ; see before it is remove d.

“Trump’s speech was  hidden from the American public.  (Bill Still Report)

I’ve looked but not seen it posted anywhere else.

-DL

https://www.youtube.com/embed/d399gk-73J8

I said, no solicitors!

Warning To All Parents

Immediately stop feeding your kids Rice Krispies.  It is not absorbed in your body in a healthy manner.  It is stored in your body, and the effects become visible when you are older.  I used to eat Rice Krispies, and now that I am older I can testify to the effects of this.  Every morning when I wake up and get out of bed, everything in my body snaps, crackles, and pops.  Pass this message on to everyone, to stop this from happening in their old age.

Okay, now remember.  His wife is going to let us in the back door, and we’re all going to hide.  When he gets home we’re going to turn on the light and all yell, “SURPRISE!”

Oh, I don’t know … kinda depends on who’s doing the jumping.

We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, ‘Hi.’ He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map.

We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled.. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.. ‘Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster,’ the man said to Erik.

My husband and I exchanged looks, ‘What do we do?’

Erik continued to laugh and answer, ‘Hi.’

Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, ‘Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek- a-boo.’

Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door. ‘Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,’ I prayed. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby’s ‘pick-me-up’ position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man.

Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man’s ragged shoulder. The man’s eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby’s bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time.

I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, ‘You take care of this baby.’

Somehow I managed, ‘I will,’ from a throat that contained a stone.

He pried Erik from his chest, lovingly and longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, ‘God bless you, ma’am, you’ve given me my Christmas gift.’

I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, ‘My God, my God, forgive me.’

I had just witnessed Christ’s love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not.. I felt it was God asking, ‘Are you willing to share your son for a moment?’ when He shared His for all eternity. How did God feel when he put his baby in our arms 2000 years ago.

The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, ‘To enter the Kingdom of God , we must become as little children.’

Sometimes, it takes a child to remind us of what is really important. We must always remember who we are, where we came from and, most importantly, how we feel about others. The clothes on your back or the car that you drive or the house that you live in does not define you at all; it is how you treat your fellow man that identifies who you are.

Thanks to Lynn for that one, but … I don’t know.  I’m an old, untrusting, mean dragon.  I put myself between my family and the rest of the world.  I don’t think I could’ve done that with a baby.

This is perhaps a very good time to do a bunch of these …

This is probably going to be too old for most of you guys, but some of you older ones will appreciate it.  Thanks to Sasquatch for sending this along … I didn’t know a lot of this …

Our Gang,

Here are some things I didn’t know. When you see the picture of Pete the Pup, the dog with the circle around his eye, it is not hair, but was placed there by a makeup artist.  Who was the makeup artist?  A young man named Max Factor.  This makes a great trivia question at a party.

Only we, the vintage people would remember.  SPANKY & OUR GANG.  Some things I bet a lot of you didn’t know. I certainly didn’t!  These pictures are great.

Whatever happened to those people?

In case you forgot who is who …

Well here it is …

The Our Gang Curse

Alfalfa …

Carl Switzer was shot to death at age 31.

Chubby …

300 – pound Norman Chaney died at age 22 following an operation.

Buckwheat …

William Thomas died at age 49 of a heart attack.  (Wow, I never knew that Buckwheat was male!) Of course Buckwheat was male!

Darla Hood …

The Our Gang leading lady contracted hepatitis and died at age 47.

Brisbane …

Kendall McCormas, Known as Breezy Brisbane, committed suicide at 64

Froggy …

William Robert Laughline was killed in a motor scooter accident at age 16.

Mickey Daniels …

He died of liver disease at 55.

Stymie …

Mathew Bear led a life of crime and drugs.  He died of a stroke at age 56.

Scotty Beckett …

He died at age 38 following a brutal beating.

Wheezer …

Robert Hutchins was killed in an airplane accident at age 19.

Pete the Pup …

He was poisoned by an unknown assailant.

Butch …

Currently lives in California.

And of course …

Spanky …

Robert Blake was accused of murdering his wife.  And didn’t.  I didn’t know that was Robert Blake!  Me neither!!  Did any of you?  Wow! 

That was way cool. 

The answer may not lie at the bottom of a bottle of wine.

But you should at least check.

My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet…
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!

Me: *sneaks out of the house* *drives to another state*

*hides in a cave* *quietly opens a bag of chips*

My kids: Can we have some?.

How do people lose their kids at the mall?

Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated.

My password is the last 16 digits of Pi.

I need to start paying closer attention to stuff.  I found out today that my wife and I have separate names for our cat.

HEY!  Me, too!

A beautiful girl in a restaurant asked me, “Are you single?”

I happily replied, “Yes.”

She took away the extra chair at my table.

And that’s it for today my friends…I hope you had as much fun reading this as I had writing it.  Until next time … may your week be filled with joy and happiness.

Good Morning Campers and welcome to 2021! 

Let me start off by saying thanks to every one who sent messages of  Happy New Year and thanks and stuff on the website through comments and email and messages and stuff … they were really appreciated.  So … 

And 2021 isn’t starting off so well.  We woke up to an ice storm this morning … but it’s slowly turning to rain this morning.  It’s right at the freezing point, so it’s falling as rain … kinda and freezing on the ground … kinda.  It’s a mess, but it won’t last much longer and no one has anywhere to go this morning (around here anyway) so we can just sit here and visit with you guys.

It wasn’t nice everywhere though.  Portland, OR rang in the New Year with a friggin’ riot with fire bombs and tear gas.  For crying-out-loud!  What in the hell were they even rioting over?  No one even knows!  If I had to guess … the people probably wanted to gather for New Years … the police said they had to disperse because … you know, COVID.  The people said no.  The police said yes.  Someone had some fireworks for, New Years, like you do.  Fired one at the Police.  Stir well.  And “POOF!”  Instant riot!  But, that’s just a guess from one little blue dragon.  And I wasn’t there … but … I am a keen observer of human nature.  So, who knows. 

Anyway, What do you say we get this party started and some laughs in the new year?

 

When America fired upon Guam during the Spanish-American War, Guam sent out an officer who requested ammunition so Guam could return the gesture.  It turned out Guam was unaware a ware was going on, thought America was merely saluting Guam, and wished to respond in kind.

In 1862, opposing Civil War armies were camped on opposite sides of Virginia’s Rappahannock River.  With no orders to attack and getting increasingly bored, the Southerners sent a toy boat across, loaded with tobacco.  The Northerners sent it back, filled with coffee.  One side held a sports competition, and the other watched and cheered them on.

 

Women Are Like Bacon

We Look good, smell good, taste good, and will slowly kill you.

 

Stephanie sent me this really … interesting (?) article:

What Is The Brosno Dragon And Has It Really Been Lurking In A Russian Lake Since The 13th Century?

We do like to hide, and it sounds like this guy is really good at it.  See for yourself.

According to legends, the extended family of the Loch Ness monster lives all over the world and includes a dinosaur-like creature in Russia’s Lake Brosno, affectionately known as Brosny, Brosnya, or the Brosno Dragon. As one of Russia’s most famous urban legends, Brosny is also one of the most fearsome Russian cryptids. With its long tail, fish-like head, and giant mouth, the creature swallows men, boats, and islands whole according to stories. Although legends about Brosny date back to the 13th century, modern people still claim to see the creature leisurely swimming through the lake on occasion.

And here is the rest of the article … worth your time, it’s a good read: https://www.ranker.com/list/brosno-dragon-russian-cryptid/erin-mccann

Thanks Stephanie

I don’t like the term “Anal Bleaching”.  I prefer to call it “Changing my Ringtone”.

New Year’s Eve parties can get a little testy when there are dragons involved.  Next time I tell you it’s your turn to buy the next round, it’s your turn to buy the next fucking round!

Damn!  … and I just turned sixty-two.

Late in World War II, the Germans built fake airfields to exaggerate their military prowess.  The Allies flew over these wooden fields operated by wooden decoys and bombed them … with dummy wooden bombs.

I was going to throw the bullshit flag on this one as an Urban Legend for purely tactical reasons … but … after a little research, there does seem to be at least the possibility of some truth to it, so I included it with these two pictures:

 

 

 

 

 

So … I leave it to you, gentle reader, to make up your own mind.  It is a cool story, either way.

 

The Dutch were down to just one warship in the East Indies in 1942.  To get safely to Australia, past seas full of Japanese, they covered the ship were trees and pretended to be an island.  They moved only at night, and they fooled every plane that spotted them.

Called an Uber last night because I was drinking, now I gotta figure out where I left my ride.

Today I plan on being as useless as the G in Lasagna.

In the 19th century, to break a stone from their bladder, men had to pass a nail through their penis and then use a hammer to break it into pieces small enough to pass through their urethra.  The lithotomy to eliminate the stones was performed without anesthesia until 1846.

Having given birth to more than a dozen stones over my lifetime, all I can say is … Oh my dear lord … Thanks John for sending this one in.

Another brother forced into slavery!

Ten years from now you’ll put on a jacket and find a mask in the pocket.  “Oh man, what a weird year that was,” you’ll chuckle to yourself.  Then you’ll pick up your machete and continue across the wasteland, keeping to the shadows to avoid the roving gangs of cannibal raiders.

There’s a difference between GEEK and NERD!

GEEK:  May the Force be with you.

NERD:  May the Force be equal to the mass multiplied by acceleration.

You know that urge to eat something just because it’s there?
               That’s the reason I’m not a Gynecologist.

Me!  ME!  Pick ME!

Steve H. sent us this message … and I missed it till today.

To all my friends:  I need to be more active and spend less time on the computer, so December 31st will be my last day on Facebook and online for the year.  I will return at the start of the New Year on January 1st.  Thank you for understanding, I’ll miss you all dearly.

Oh man, that’s tough Steve, and we’ll all miss you too, but we understand.  Don’t we everybody?

I laughed so hard at this one.  And this next one, too.

And to round off today’s issue, here’s three more … and to start, I gotta get one of these:

And that, my friends, is it for today, the first issue of the new year.  I know, I set the bar kinda low to start with, but that just makes it easier to go over next time.  I hope you all got a laugh, now I’m going to go and catch up on some of the sleep I didn’t get last night.

Cheers my friends!

Impish Dragon