Dragon Laffs

Good Morning Campers,

Okay, so here’s a quiz for you … what does the header above mean?  I’ll give you a few minutes to think about it.  In the mean time, we’ll talk about a few other things. 

It’s been a nice weekend.  First weekend I’ve had off in a LONG time.  Finally got a chance to relax a little, kick back.  Read.  Watched some TV with Mrs. Dragon.  Saw some friends.

I have gotten some nice comments lately that I’d like to share with you guys since the first one relates to one of you guys.

Alan F

Dragon Laffs #1875

Well said, Jonathon J.

I agree with you 100% Alan … Jonathon did a great job.

and another one from Alan …

alan F

Dragon Laffs #1876

Sir, totally agree with your opening rant. Exactly the same is happening with illegals in England. It is criminal.

Definitely (one of) my hot buttons right now.  It is pissing me off to no end.  It IS criminal.  We are treating foreign criminals better than we are treating American citizens. 

Okay, so … I’ve given you guys some time to think about it.  Anybody able to figure out what today’s header means?  Anyone?

Okay, so it’s silly.  Mrs. Dragon and I sat down and made out a shopping list and I was bored and that’s everything that’s on the list.  Now, that’s not everything we will buy, I’m sure, it never is, but that’s everything that’s on the list.  LOL!  Yup, pure boredom and a Photoshop type program….  That’s all it takes.

And speaking of Photoshop …. let’s start off today with a cool photo essay that was sent in by Steve H.  So, …

James Fridman is a noted photoshop expert and is known for people asking him to photoshop their photos

These are some of the requests he received

That was great, unexpected fun!  Thanks Steve!

Afraid of not getting what you ordered with online shopping?

Try online dating!

The REAL story of Little Red Riding Hood, she was bringing a dragon home to visit Grandma when she was brutally attacked by a left leaning, democrat wolf who wanted Red to pay for his student loans, give him food, and a $20 minimum wage that he had no experience to support.  When she said no, he ate his Granny.  The dragon then ate the wolf. 

One of my Asian brothers being transported to his new home.

So, Lynn sent this one to me…the Subject was Bunny Porn and the subtitle was …

Typical Man:

I think I would be insulted … except for the truth of the whole matter. 

Are we sure the poor guy didn’t have a heart attack?

Mother Nature caught mid jump in last year’s trampoline competition.  She took second place.  She’s been pissed off at me ever since.

Me:  This show is boring.

Boss:  Again, this is a Zoom conference.

Do you ever go out, and while you’re out, you think, “This is exactly why I don’t go out”?

Okay, if we’re going to have one-way grocery aisles, then I’m going to need a passing lane.

That’s a little over reactive, don’t you think?

And a million phobic people around the world scream, “NO!”

I haven’t tried yoga, but I have tried bending over to pick up my keys, so I’m pretty sure I’d hate yoga.

And therein lies the problem with most people.

Husband:  One good thing about this lockdown is that we can’t go out and spend money.

Wife:  [Clicks ‘Add to Cart’]

Brain cells, hair cells and skin cells – they all die constantly, but freaking fat cells seem to have eternal life …

Yesterday:  Fixed hair and makeup – saw no one.

Today:  Looked like Jack Nicholson from The Shining – saw all the people I know.  All of them.

Dear Plexiglass, thank you for protecting me from the cashier who just touched everything I’ll be taking home.

I have shared this before … several times in fact, but Ted sent it to me again and again, I will take the opportunity to share it again.  It’s fun and serious at the same time.  Thank you Ted for bringing it back around.  Now, listen up you civilians …

RULES FOR KICK’N ASS

Rules for the Non-Military (Make sure you read #13 twice) Dear Civilians, we know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military.

For those of you who can’t join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:

1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem – kick their ass.

2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in protest – kick their ass.

3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans.  If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second.  Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great.  Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their ass.

4. If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU’s) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that you used to be ‘Special Forces’.  Collecting GI Joe memorabilia might have been okay when you were seven years old, but now it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.  This one pisses an awful lot of us off. 

5. Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, ‘Do you fly a jet?’  Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot such ignorance deserves an ass kicking (children are exempt).

6. If you witness someone calling the Coast Guard ‘non-military’, inform them of their mistake – and kick their ass.

7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart.  This includes arrogant politicians who think someone may be offended.  Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her-of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass-kicking.

8. ‘Your mama wears combat boots’ never made sense to me – stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore would kick your ass!

9. ‘Flyboy’ (Air Force), ‘Jarhead’ (Marines), ‘Grunt’ (Army), ‘Squid'(Navy), ‘Puddle Jumpers’ (Coast Guard), Bubblehead (Sub sailor), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other.  Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your ass kicked.

10. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families.  Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families.  Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day.  Without them, our country would get its ass kicked.

11. It is the Veteran, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It’s the Veteran, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It’s the Veteran, not the community organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It’s the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.

Oh, AND ONE MORE:

12. If you ever see anyone singing the national anthem in Spanish –KICK THEIR ASS.

13. ONE LAST THING: If you got this email and didn’t pass it on -guess what – you deserve to get your ass kicked!

I sent this to you, not because I didn’t want to get my ass kicked, BUT,

BECAUSE YOU ARE A VERY, VERY SPECIAL PERSON AND I KNOW YOU WILL NOT BE OFFENDED AND ARE PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN AND WILL SHARE THIS WITH OTHERS.

THANK YOU

WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE,”ONLY” – BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!

and if we aren’t very careful, we are going to lose those freedoms we hold so dear because those people we allowed to be elected are going to take them away from us.

Which leads us nicely to this part …

Bozo Criminal for today comes from the International File. From London, England comes the story of Bozo Justin Clark who broke into David Withers car and stole his pager. He was caught when Mr. Withers dialed his pager number and left a message saying he’d won 500 pounds in a church drawing with instructions on how to pick up the cash. Of course, the bozo showed up at the appointed place and time whereupon he was arrested.

Vaccine Alert For Seniors…

A friend had his 2nd dose of the vaccine at the vaccination center, after which he began to have blurred vision on the way home.

When he got home, he called the vaccination centre for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or be hospitalized.

He was told NOT to go to a doctor or a hospital, but just return to the vaccination center immediately and pick up his glasses.

And that, dear friends, is that…at least for today.  I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed putting it together.  Until next time… remain happy, healthy, and laughter filled.

Good Morning Campers,

Okay, so at least I’m not starting with a rant today.  I don’t know what I am starting with, but it’s definitely not a rant.  Well, at least it’s not a planned rant.  Right  now, at this particular second in time, I have absolutely nothing in mind to start this issue with. 

It has been an absolute shit week  A shit week amongst shit weeks.  So … in the indelible words of the Dragon Laffs motto: We are now going to Battle the World’s Bull Shit with Laughter!

Nearly 100% of all deaths occur on Earth, making it the deadliest planet in our Solar System.

I hate when people confuse education with intelligence.  You can have a degree and still be an idiot.

Who decided that skeletons are scary because honestly I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

GOP SEN. KENNEDY: ‘WE DO NOT NEED MORE GUN CONTROL — WE NEED MORE IDIOT CONTROL’

I’m really tired of people who complain about the price of everything …

$2.00 for a cup of coffee
$3.00 for coat check
$4.00 an hour for parking

I’m just going to stop inviting them to my house.

I made a huge to do list today.

I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.

There should be a calorie refund for things that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Steampunk Dragon

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan who passes along this story. From Columbia, South Carolina comes the story of bozo Reggie Johnson who ran an auto chop shop, selling various parts off of stolen cars. Our bozo was caught because he would grind off vehicle identification numbers from engine parts and replace them with his own social security number.

Our own special reporter Lynn has sent us this … hot off the presses:

 

Exclusive: We Have Obtained A Copy Of Joe Biden’s Day Planner

BabylonBee.com

 

Joe Biden’s day planner was left on a table at a Washington DC Denny’s this week. Before returning to the White House, our staff was able to take pictures of the contents of Biden’s rigorous schedule. It is truly amazing that a man of Biden’s age has enough vim and vigor to accomplish so much every day. 

 

“This is my Girl Scout War-craft Achievement Medal.  Why?  You want to make something of it?”

And that’s exactly the way it should be

The sooner everyone truly understands this next one, the better off we all will be:

Migrants?  MIGRANTS?!  You mean the illegal fucking aliens that are being cuddled and taken care of by the self-centered democrats while our own homeless Americans (a good percentage of whom are veterans) are ignored and left hungry on the streets?  THOSE MIGRANTS?!?

Yeah, so okay, I guess I did find something to get pissed off about … again.

And so it is with another issue of Dragon Laffs … we’re mean, but they are asking us to leave.  Time to go, head out, beat feet, and all those other clichés that I can’t think of right now.

Until we meet again my friends, be well, and stay laughing.

Good Morning Campers,

Well, it’s supposed to be Spring Time…we’ll have to see how it all works out.  So far this week it’s been really nice, but I have to get this off my chest before I go any further…I’m really, really pissed off.  So, I’m going to start today’s issue off with a

Right now, the Biden administration is putting illegal aliens in fucking hotel rooms to the tune of over $300 a night!  Why are they spending our money on people who are here illegally when we have some many homeless Americans?  There are over 40,000 homeless Veterans, men and women who have served our country, sworn to give up their lives for this country, who have to sleep outside or in a fucking box at night, who aren’t given the same treatment as people who have stolen their way into this country illegally!  And do you want to know why?  Because the chicken-shit politicians know that the Vets probably won’t vote for them and the illegals will!  Let’s not do the right thing!  Let’s not take care of the people who swore an oath to take care of us!  Let’s do the thing that is self centered, greedy, and self-absorbed, because everyone knows that the politicians are the only ones that matter!  You bloviating pigs!

I’m so sick and tired of this shit.  There are so many things they could be doing with our money that is good and wholesome and right and instead they are lining their pockets, sending our money overseas and doing what they can to be re-elected.  All of this shit would be solved if we had term limits.  If they couldn’t be re-elected then MAYBE they might spend a little of their time doing what the hell they are SUPPOSED to be doing.  Then again, probably not.  They’d just be stealing our money faster since they wouldn’t have as much time.

THIS IS JUST WRONG PEOPLE!!!!  Why are we not all up in arms over this?  Our border should be CLOSED!  I’m not saying we shouldn’t let in people.  But they need to do it the right way!  We’ve always had a means to welcome people into our country.  Learn the friggin’ language, do it the right way.  Become a contributing citizen.  I have enough trouble taking care of my family; I don’t need to take care of another one!  Neither do any of you.  Why aren’t we pissed off about this!  I can’t afford to put my family in a $300 a night hotel! 

HOW DARE THEY SPEND OUR MONEY THIS WAY!  THEY WORK FOR US!  THEY NEED TO BE FIRED!  THIS IS PURE BULLSHIT!

Okay, I gotta go on to the laughter before I have a fucking aneurism.  This has got to stop.

Thanks to Pete for his advice on how you defeat racism:

Makes perfect sense to me.  I don’t give a damn what you look like on the outside.  I do care a great deal about what you are like on the inside. 

Here’s something to make you feel good … especially about our Veterans.

“This guy named John has been coming into my work for years. I told him I was going to Vietnam next week with my girlfriend. He told me he was over there during the fall of Saigon and helped orphan babies get on evacuation planes and helicopters as a Marine. I told him I was one of those babies. He looked at me, his eyes started to well up and said he might have held me in his arms during the rescue mission (Operation Babylift). We talked for a while and I thanked him dearly for his service and kindness. In the end, he told me he’ll sleep better tonight knowing that a small innocent baby has now grown up with a better life in America. What an amazing man you are John. And thank you again for your service! I’m no longer an orphan.” — Aron Moxley

Sometimes, those Druidic symbols just need to be dealt with.

Sasquatch’s Firearm Refresher Course

1. “Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not.” ~Thomas Jefferson

2. “Those who trade liberty for security have neither.” ~ John Adams

3. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms

4. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.

5. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.

6. Gun control is not about guns; it’s about control.

7. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.

8. Know guns, know peace, know safety.

          No guns, no peace, no safety.

9. You don’t shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.

10. Assault is a behavior, not a device.

11. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

12. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights Reserved.

13. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.

14. What part of ‘shall not be infringed’ do you NOT understand?

15. Guns have only two enemies; rust and politicians.

16. When you remove the people’s right to bear arms, you create slaves.

17. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.

IF YOU AGREE, PASS THIS ‘REFRESHER’ ON TO TEN FREE CITIZENS.

“I love this country, it’s the government I’m afraid of.”

Truth sounds like hate to those who hate the truth.

 

I used to make fun of my parents for going to bed at 9:30…

… now I wonder how they stayed up so late.

 

“He wants a divorce?  I’ll give him a divorce!”

I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, “Up until last week, I still had it all.

I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.

I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt.  I even had full medical benefits coverage.

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”

“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. “Because of Coronavirus, I was unexpectedly paroled.”

How do you milk sheep?

Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it.

To get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays …

Put it in an Amazon box and leave it on the front porch.

I have not lost my marbles.

The bag was empty when I got it.

A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.  So would mine, probably, if I was having sex with something made out of bacon. ~ Periwinkle Jones

Okay you guys really got pissed off these last couple of days and sent me a crap ton of political cartoons and memes.  And I’m going to finish off today’s issue with as many of them as will fit. 

Trump took down ISIS.

Biden took down Dr. Seuss and Mr. Potato Head.

It’s like America’s amazing dad is leaving us and Mom’s new perverted boyfriend just pulled up in his Trans-Am.

And it’s working like a charm.

Yeah, cause that’s important

Hasbro is making a “Kamala Harris” Potato Head Doll.  They are calling it, “IDAHO”.

When corrupt politicians start going to jail, we can start trusting the government again.

That would pretty much clear out Washington, D.C.

Hey!  Here’s an idea for you:  Instead of doubling the minimum wage and forgiving loans to irresponsible students, how about doubling Social Security for those who ALREADY worked their asses off and have been responsible for 50 years.

Call it Senior Earned Income

Republicans and Democrats are nothing more than a pair of unfit parents in a custody battle over America.

They’re not hurting each other near as much as they’re hurting this country.

I’m sick of hearing “UNDOCUMENTED”.  The word is “ILLEGAL”.  Let’s all say it together:

“ILLEGAL”

I believe we should have an investigation into every multimillionaire in congress who has accumulated that wealth on a congressional salary using our tax dollars. ~ Charlie Kirk

Amen!  And you people who are trying to take our guns better beware!  How long would that fucker in Colorado have lasted if some of those people in the grocery store had been armed?

They are hiring again at the Coca-Cola company.

And that my friends is that for today.  I hope you all found something to laugh at or something to get pissed off at. 

Either one.

Love and happiness to you all.

Good Morning Campers,

So, I spent the weekend teaching … granted, it’s the best part of my job, and I love it dearly, but man … some time off would be welcome.  Teaching my beloved G.I.s how to stay alive in crappy environments is a great life’s work, it truly is, but a dragon needs some down time, too. 

I NEED A VIRGIN TO SNACK ON!  Or at least a nice village to burn.  You know, dragony things.  Things that us mythological creatures like to do on the weekends with our mates.  It’s not just throwing darts in the pub.  I’ve a reputation to keep up, haven’t I?  The local villagers tend to get attitudes if I don’t show up every once in a while and demand the occasional virginal sacrifice and burn down a hut or three.  I need to fly over the fields and scare the herds; leave scorch marks on the earth that can’t be explained any other way and lord knows I’ve been ignoring my horde of gold lately that’s for damn sure.  But yeah, definitely a virgin to snack on.

Okay, while I go look for volunteers, you guys go ahead and start laughing a bit.

I’d like to start out with an essay written by a dear friend of mine.  A fellow dispatcher.  This if from Jonathon J.

Listen up Buttercups! As someone who actually grew up watching PePe LePew (and all those “BAD” Saturday morning cartoons), I never saw Pepe as a rapist or promoting rapist culture. HELL I didn’t even know what a rapist was. I WAS A CHILD!

Let me impart my CHILDHOOD thoughts:

The only reason I ever thought the cat tried to get away from Pepe was because she was, in fact, A CAT, and he was a SKUNK. (For those of you who are biologically/scientifically challenged… Skunks and Cats ARE completely different animals – skunks also smell very bad).

I distinctly remember watching and thinking:

If Pepe catches up with her, she’s going to need a bath.

That’s it.

DEAR CANCEL CULTURE:

STOP READING MORE INTO OUR CHILDHOOD CARTOONS, BREAKFAST FOOD ICONS, VEHICLE NAMES, and everything else. No one became a rapist, racist, murderer, animal abuser, or dropper of anvils from watching our vintage Saturday morning cartoons while eating Aunt Jemima pancakes. You are, IN FACT, idiots, looking for attention due to the lack of parental fortitude in YOUR own lives.

You are walking, talking, “grown” infants. Screaming when you don’t get your way resulting in showing the world how truly absurd you are.

How about WE THE PEOPLE cancel YOU because WE are offended by your feckless, pansy ass, stupidity!

Well said brother!  Bravo!  Thank you very much for sending this to me.  This definitely falls into the category of “damn!  Wish I had said that!  Nicely done.

And a great way to get the ball rolling today.

Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people jus trying to stop me from living my life?

Batman, old school

It seems as though Lynn’s been busy.  She writes and says:

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare

At first the lady said, “Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.”

So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy,
can’t speak English and have no clue who their daddies are.

They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.
My dogs get their first checks Friday.
She also put their names on the Democrat voter registry.

Is this a great country or what!

Gee, it’s like they all had a right way to go or something…

We shouldn’t call it the “White House” anymore because that’s racist.

Let’s call it the “Nut House”

And actually, that’s still the wrong festive leaf, the shamrock is a 3 leaf clover, not the 4 leaf variety that everyone seems to think it is.  It is celebrated because the three leaves are supp0sed to signify the Holy Trinity of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, as my VERY IRISH Mrs. Dragon will so aptly point out to ye!  This is also a reason that we had a bit of a week last week.  St. Patrick’s Day is a bit of a special day in the Irish households and this is the first one without both her mom and her dad.  So, we let it go by with very little fanfare with the expectation that next year will be better.  Slainte mhath!

How come “you’re a peach” is a compliment, but “you’re bananas” is an insult?  Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?

Because it’s adorable, that’s why!

People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not being a serial killer.

What a culture we live in.

We are swimming in an ocean of information and drowning in ignorance.

Gas pumps should show porn clips so you can see someone else getting fucked while you are.   Thanks Biden

Wow.  I really need one of those signs for around here.

“I guess you didn’t know it, but I’m a fiddle player too
and if you care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you …”

Kind of a classic

Tip For Newlyweds:  Send a wedding invite to every billionaire whose address you can find because it’s a 50/50 chance their assistants just send you a perfunctory gift without ever wondering who the hell you are.

This link is from Vincent with our thanks…

Crazy ? Skilled ?  Might have to click into you tube to view these amazing feats

PEOPLE ARE AWESOME 2014 – YouTube—

Some of these people are out of their minds!!!!  How do they practice?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWf8CXwPoqI

Sexual education class in school should just be listening to a baby cry for five hours straight while watching the same cartoon over and over again on repeat.

When I was dispatching for the State Police and again when I was a desk Sergeant working on the base as a civilian police officer, we would routinely get calls about the military aircraft dropping flares at night over the range way to the north of us.  The people would see these bright colored lights falling from the sky and swear they were seeing UFOs.  Happened all the time.  Some of the other calls I got when I was both dispatching for the State Police and working as a base cop would fill a book.

 

This story comes to us from Stephanie … it’s adorable!

My 8 yr old granddaughter was riding between her grandpa & I in the truck, when she noticed a mole under my chin. She randomly asked me, “Nannie, are you a witch? You have a wart under your chin.” We giggled as I explained to her it wasn’t a wart, but it was a mole. Then she asked me if frogs can really give you warts. I told her that it’s  not true, it was an old wives tale. She thought about that a few seconds, then asked me, “Nannie, have you ever kissed a frog?” I decided to play her little game & teased her by saying, “Yes…I did… once.” Her eyes got big & she said, “Really??? What happened?” I gave a little wink & giggle to my husband & replied, “When I kissed the frog, I got your Poppy!” She looked at her grandpa, then back at me, then back at her grandpa, then she finally looked back at me & said, “Nannie… it must have been a really old frog !” 

 

 

Is nobody else getting this bullshit?

If someone climbed the fence into your backyard, broke into your home, expected you to feed them, house them, and freely use all of the things you worked so hard for, would you be okay with that?

Welcome to illegal immigration and what the democrats are shoving down our collective throats!!

There needs to be a rule in there about what happens when they lie to us … like they get ridden out of town on a rail or tarred and feathered or something fun like that.  Because I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and fucking tired of being lied to by the people who are supposed to be representing us, the people that we hired to do a job for us, the people who are our employees!  How dare they!  They work for us!  We don’t fucking work for them!

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?” She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over.”

Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, “That wouldn’t be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the Republican party.”

It’s as simple as that.

My girl asked me where I’m taking her for Valentine’s Day.  Apparently “from behind” was NOT the correct answer.

I’ve got a couple of things to say at the end here … first of all, this little comment from Leah D …

Leah D

I think I know what your problem is.
We just went through Winter, and you never hibernated.
I suspect that’s because you needed to keep your fat storage up, to fuel all your fiery comments!

You may be right, Leah … which leads me to my next thing.  Today, is the first day of Spring … well, by the time you guys get this, it will be the second day of spring.  I got up this morning and it was 25 degrees out side.  I mean, WTF?  What the heck happened?  Weren’t we supposed to get some sort of warm up with the coming of spring?  Just another something else those damn democrats have taken away from us!

Well, I’m making Lasagna Bob for dinner tonight, so I need to go get started on that.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with Lasagna Bob, it’s a little old, but you can still find it here https://www.epicurean.com/articles/lasagna-bob.html and yes, I’m quite proud of it. 

Until we meet again, dear friends and fellow campers, be well, be happy, and laugh … a lot.

Good Morning Campers,

Another difficult week to get through.  Seems like they are piling up a bit lately.  Gonna have to take the opportunity to take some time off.  Yeah, I know that cracks me up, too.  Now, they are talking about sending me to Andrews AFB at the end of April, beginning of May to help them out with an exercise.  I wouldn’t mind so much if we could get enough people together for them to put us on a military jet and fly us out there, you’d think that would be one of the perks of working for the Air Force, right?  But it looks like we’re going to have to drive.  About 11 hours one way. 

I’ve never been to Washington, D.C. before so that part would be cool.  See the cage that they have around the Capitol to keep the Democrats locked in and all that.  The seat of deceit and all that goes with it.  That might be fun.  But, mostly those trips are work, work, work … and then at night it’s drink, drink, … er … I mean, study, study, study.

Anyway, we all need a laugh to get us through our day and I have some catching up to do, so let’s get to the good stuff, shall we?

Yup, I have friends like that. 

Here’s another great one from Pete … he asks us, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?

Tobacco Smoke Enema Kit (1750s – 1810s).

The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient’s rectum for various medical purposes, but primarily the resuscitation of drowning victims. Doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase “Blowing Smoke Up Your Ass.” As you are most likely aware, this odd tool is still heavily used today by American Democrats.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Staton Island, NY, where Bozo Yolanda Watson had locked herself in her bedroom. Unable to get out, she called 911 for help. The police arrived promptly and first let the Bozo out of the bedroom and then arrested her. The reason–they found 195 marijuana plants growing in her living room!  Thanks John S.

“Do Not Touch”

Must be one of the scariest things to read in braille

Man, we always get put down!

Husband sits in his room throwing darts at his wife’s photo but not even a single one hit the target.

From another room his wife asks the husband, “What are you doing?”

Husband yells back, “Missing you!”

God Bless the English Language!

I’m here to talk to you about your car’s extended warranty!

Got up at 5 am, 8 km run completed, came back prepared a vegetable smoothie for breakfast …

Don’t remember the rest of the dream …

A quiet man is a thinking man.

A quiet woman is usually mad.

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a ‘Thanks for flying our airline.’ He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, ‘Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?’

‘Why, no, Ma’am,’ said the pilot. ‘What is it?’

The little old lady said, ‘Did we land, or were we shot down?’

Then there are those of us, who have on their bucket list, to get an up close photo of a tornado … and yes, that includes this dragon.

Barbie didn’t give me a poor body image; Barbie taught me you can’t reattach a head once it’s been removed from the body.

Do you ever feel like your body’s “check engine” light has been on and you’re still driving it like “nah, it’ll be fine”?

Only like all the time

Today, my car clock is right again.

My patience finally paid off!

Got a crap load of political stuff to share with you guys today, so sit back and relax….it’s gonna be a fun trip.

The only way the Coronavirus will die is if it has dirt on the Clintons.

Remember when we didn’t have $5 billion to build the WALL?  Now we’ve got $700 billion plus to give to other countries?

Current federal law says you must know English to become a citizen.  So why are foreign language ballots even printed?!

Are we banning rap music yet?  It’s a lot more racist than pancake syrup or rice.

 

Ignoring evidence of election fraud because the election is already over is like ignoring a murder because the victim is already dead.

As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I’m sure of … it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Can people in Flint, MI drink water yet?  I’m just wondering before we send money to Pakistan for Gender Studies!

There are two types of Biden supporters:

Billionaires and Idiots …

Check your bank account to see which one you are.

Dr. Faucci, Bill Gates, and the Democrats want us to carry a vaccination ID, but they don’t think a voter ID is necessary.  Let that sink in.

The CDC says the flu is almost nonexistent this year because of wearing masks and social distancing.

The CDC says COVID-19 is out of control because no one is wearing masks and social distancing.

Sorry we ruined your life, here’s $600.

I can’t believe I’m living in a world that is reassigning the gender of a plastic potato.

Last night my neighbor came home drunk and banged on his own door for like five minutes.  Problem is, he lives alone, so I went outside and told him he wasn’t there and he left.

I said, “Alexa, what do women want?”  The damn thing has not shut up for the past three days.

My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, “Do you ever get s shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”

Sounding concerned, I replied, “No…”

She responded, “How about now?”

So … you think you are smarter than the previous generation ….

50 years ago the Owner’s Manual of a car showed you how to adjust the valves.

Today, it warns you not to drink the contents of the battery.

If 2020 was a math word problem: If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?

I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

and that about does it for today.  I want to thank everyone who wrote to wish me well on my couple of days off from Dragon Laffs.  I appreciate all the good wishes.  These things are going to happen from time to time when life gets in the way of living.  As I mentioned at the beginning, things are going to be busy this year and the next couple of months, so expect some breaks here and there.  Doesn’t mean I don’t still love you guys.  Just means the dragon is stretched a little bit.

Be well until we meet again my friends.