Dragon Laffs #1739

Header1722

coollogo_com-118431775

Good Morning Fellow Campers,

Today is Thursday.  I’m not sure what day it is for you.  It should be Friday.  It might be Saturday.  It could be next Tuesday the way things are going.  I’m only saying that because 0aaI’m still working on my first cup of coffee and things are still a bit hazy around here.  The cavern walls still look a bit like dining room walls andcoffee2 the cave floor might have wooden floors which really doesn’t seem right to me.  Shouldn’t the cave floor be rock?  And why is this table made out of wood instead of stone?  What the hell is going on around here?  And who the hell are these PEOPLE moving coffeearound here?  Hold on, I’ve got to go eat them, I’ll be right ba … okay … wait … I recognize that one.  Maybe I should wait until I have more 0aa1coffee.  But, she’s little and she’s giving me looks.  I’m going to eat her.  Wait!  More coffee first.  Okay, things are starting to clear up a little.  And now there’s an older looking one coming out and SHE’s giving me looks.  I’m going to eat her.  Be right back.

Holy Shit!  She’s mean!  Okay.  Got it all sussed out!

That’s Mrs. Dragon, that’s Izzy Dragon.  I’m to quit screwing around with eating people, drink my damn coffee and get back to work.  Yes, ma’am.  Um… let’s laugh?

402  Yeah, that’s a little harsh and um… non-laughy coming right out of the gate, but do you understand everything that is going on right now with this bullshit?  And them telling us without this “certificate” we won’t be able to travel and possibly even inserting a chip along with the vaccine so we can be scanned … my opinion is, of course, oh fuck that noise.  Not gonna happen.

The people saying “Trump doesn’t know about medicine” consider a 16 year old Swedish girl to be a climate expert …

Yeah, how’d we get right into the political arena first off?  I gotta find something funny….hang on a sec.  Let me change the channel on this thing …

1160

Okay, better … let’s try another one …

1161

Let’s see if we can squeeze in one more.  Cause the others are banging on the door.  There’s only so long I can hold them off.  Those political bastards really want in here … and I can’t say as I blame them … but one more.

1162

LOL!  Poor Joe.  It was all his fault.  Anyway, where were we … oh yeah.

Democrats today are saying no one, not even the President, is above the law.  So my question is, how come ILLEGAL ALIENS are?

403

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown.

Blame yourself for going to the circus.

Okay, that one was actually pretty deep.  I like that.

404

406

405

We should make politicians wear shock collars that go off each time they lie.

They’d either get nothing done or they’d all be dead.

407

I like that one a lot, too.

408

From what I can see, most parents are taking care of that on their own these days.

409

I think I may have worked out what my problem was this morning …

I think the clutch has gone out in my butt …

Because I can’t seem to get my ass into gear!

That really does sound like it.  I’m gonna bring that up to Mrs. Dragon and tell her that my butt clutch may need to be looked at … see how that goes over.

410

I really don’t think that’s what he had in mind.

411

And that headline is completely misleading!!!

coollogo_com-132671239

hope

hope2

Hopscotch

Horror Movies

Horror

Hostage

Hostility

Hot Air Balloons

Hot Ice

Hot Nerd

Hot_Water

hotel pool

houdini

Houston

How to Fly

412

Context is everything.

413

414

415

416

417

418

419

420

421

422

*Limp* *Limp* Ouch!  *Limp* *Limp* Ouch!
So I told Mrs. Dragon about the whole Butt Clutch thing (knowing I had it all worked out) and all she said was,

“Show me.”

And you know … there was this little voice in the back of my head that said I should have let it go at that point,

I should have just walked away …

but I didn’t … or couldn’t … or wouldn’t … or something.

There was just this part of me that was going to follow this thing through now that I had started it.  Through to the bitter end. 

So, I showed her.

She doesn’t wear a very large shoe.

But her back swing and follow through are outstanding.

And apparently I’m to go and think about what it is that I’ve been doing all morning.  It’s not like I haven’t been teleworking, and answering questions for the government and doing all the stuff I’m supposed to be doing and NOT eating the human looking things that are wondering around here with a total lack of enough caffeine to even function properly and possibly even having a broken butt clutch, but now I’m to go somewhere and THINK? So, what’s up with … Hey…. here’s a great idea…. I need … this…

423

Yup … you can find me right here for the rest of the day!  Just need a pillow to sit on and I’ll be all set!  Ahhhhhh!  There we go!  I hope you guys had just as much fun … no scratch that … I hope you guys had MORE fun than I did today.  Write to me and let me know how you’re doing.  I really do want to hear from you.  I’m beginning to think I’m only reaching the same 13 people every day.  I get 13 stars every day and only hear from the same couple of people.  Let me know you’re out there, drop me a line tell me who you are and what you’re doing.  Send me a picture of what your life looks like right now.  Send it to impishdragon@gmail.com and until next time.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #1738

Header1716

coollogo_com-121752082

Good Morning Campers,

Wow!  60 Days of teleworking.  60 days of being exiled from the kingdom.  60 days of social distancing.  That’s a lot of working from home.  I really didn’t expect this to go for this long.  Not from the US Air Force.  Although I can see it winding its way down, now they are saying to expect it to pick back up again in the fall and winter.  I really don’t know.  cow

Today is Wednesday for me and I’m going on a road trip!  I’ve taken the day off to buy a cow!  Never done that before.  WTF CowSomething Mrs. Dragon and I are doing for the first time.  Actually, we aren’t buying a whole cow, we are buying a quarter of a cow.  I’m really not sure how you buy a quarter of a cow, since this is the first time I’ve ever done so, I now he’s … or she … is going to walk a bit funny that’s for damn sure.  But, I guess we’ll find out later on today.  ROAD TRIP!  DAY OFF ROAD TRIP!

401

In search of the quarter cow… but first some fun

coollogo_com-188331281

402

Even on Gilligan’s Island they listened to the Professor, not the Millionaire.

403

So, anyone wanna take bets on 2021?
Volcano? Locusts? Asteroid?
New Nickelback Album?

404

You go Betty!!!

I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking sick of all the “We are all in this together” commercials and the fake ass caring tone in their voices.

You know, me too.  I know some of them are being honest, but most of the companies have done nothing more than put together those commercials simply to put together a commercial to put the words “caring” and their logo on the TV screen in front of us.  Take the damn money you spent on the commercial and pay the employees you laid off instead.  Show some caring to the people who cared about you by working for you all those damn years.

405

We can only be friends if you’re kind of an asshole.  Not a full blown asshole because that’s no fun.  And if you’re not an asshole at all then that won’t work either.  A halfway asshole.  Those are my kind of people.

You know … I think that kind of works.

406

(True story)  In high school biology class, the teacher was explaining that in human reproduction the female produces just one egg, and the male contributes 80,000 sperm. One girl said: “Sheez, you guys really gang upon us, don’t you!!

407

5 year old daughter:  Mom, why is some of your hair white?

Me:  *Smiles* Every time you make me sad, another hair turns white.

Daughter:  *Wide eyed* Wow mom, what did you do to Grandma?

408

Damn!  If only I’d known about this place years ago!

Cracking The Human Resource Code

 

“COMPETITIVE SALARY”
Most of our competitors don’t pay much either.

“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY”
We have no time to train you.

“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”
You’ll be here very late, very often — might as well be comfortable.

“MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED”
Your first four projects are already way overdue.

“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED”
Did we mention that you’ll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

“DUTIES WILL VARY”
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL”
We have no quality control.

“CAREER-MINDED”
Female applicants must be childless.

“APPLY IN PERSON”
If you’re old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

“NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE”
This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive’s nephew.

“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE”
Due to consolidation, you’ll be replacing three people.

“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST”
This company is a total mess.

“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS”
You’ll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS”
Listen to management, figure out what they want, don’t ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.

 

409

cow a

cow

So, about an hour and a half each way, we find the place in a little town almost on the Illinois border.  Great drive.  Back roads, north western Indiana, cloudy day, but no rain or anything.  No traffic at all on the roads.  My rule cowis 9 miles or less over the speed limit and you are normally fine.  It’s cow aa little meat locker plant in a little bitty town; Wonderful people, walk in the door, tell them who we are, that we’ve never done this before and they are SO overly helpful.  Just wonderful, down home, Indiana hospitality.  So we pack 207 lbs. of beef into coolers in the back of our vehicle.  Mrs. Dragon is talking to the lady about how far out they are now because of all the big meat packing plants shutting down and she said they are taking orders now for February!  So, Mrs. Dragon asked about a pig and the lady said that if you can get one, again, it would be February at the earliest and that’s when I walked back in Pigthe door and I said that I wasn’t a big ham eater, I just really liked the bacon and sausage and Mrs. Dragon said she liked the pork ribs and the lady said she just happened to have some sausage and ribs in the freezer up front if we’d like to buy some … and she’d call us when she got some bacon in.  LOL.  So we got a little piggy, too.   The only real problem is the stuff is so frozen it may be a week before I have anything thawed enough to grill!!!!

But, I’ll let you know how THAT works out!  So far I’m pretty happy with a variety of beef products from steaks, ground beef, stew meat, roasts, etc. at a cost with butchering and everything of $3.26 a pound.  It was tough to scrape up, that’s like a month and a half of grocery food money, but I figure that ought to last us a LONG time and more than make up for it in the long run.    If I could have done a half a cow I could’ve gotten an even better price, from what I understand.  But, so far, I’m pretty please with my search for a quarter cow adventure.  Let me know if you have any similar stories.

Now, back to the fun stuff.

410

Sasquastch sent me this one and says:

I saw this and thought about you. Myself, I prefer using my rather large feet to put fires out but to each his own.

416

It’s just a warmer, but wouldn’t it be cool to make it into a grill?  Man, I need that for my back yard!!!

coollogo_com-2526424

From Home Security to Honor to Hooters, we are in the Hs!

Home Security

homeless

Honestly Officer

Honesty

Honesty2

Honesty3

Honesty4

Honey (2)

honey

Honor

honor2

hooray

Hooters

hooters2

411

At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to a guy next to me, “Isn’t the bride a right ugly dog.”

“Do you mind.  That’s my daughter you’re talking about.”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t know you were her father.”

“I’m not.  I’m her fucking mother.”

412

No kidding.  I’ve had a couple of whiskey and cigars like that!

If you think there’s nothing better than sex, you’ve never had a cop turn on his lights behind you then pull over someone else.

I don’t know … you may not be doing it right … I’m still going with the sex.

413

414

I like this one.  Kinda like the last one from a few years ago that said, “I’m an Asshole.  Not running for anything …”  Yeah, I know a few people who could put up this sign.

415

Remember the little kid cutting out pictures on the money that I said were hundred euro notes, got a message from Tom H that says: 

Tom H

That looks like it might be Chairman Mao on the notes, I thought Euros had multiple colors. Just checked, 100 Euro notes are green.

You were right Tom.  They are 100 Yuan notes.  Worth $14.10 each according to Google and there were 21 of them that I counted, cut up on the table, that’s $296.10 worth of cut outs!  Yeah, I’d be a little bit annoyed with little Karen.

417

418

Max Klinger and “Hot Lips” Hoolahan  and don’t you dare ask me “Who?”

419

420

There was a dog?

421

422

423

I’ve been accused of being the second person … many times.

424

This kid’s dad is probably in the military.

425

426

This is the greatest thing EVER:

427

And this is the perfect way to wrap up today’s issue:

428

And that is it for today my friends.  I hope you enjoyed today’s issue.

May you have a happy and enjoyable rest of your day.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #1737

Header1709

coollogo_com-131347

Good Morning oh great and glorious campers,

It’s Monday evening and I’m starting this, probably won’t get a chance to finish it until Tuesday, like I figured, but I guess we’ll see.  Spent the day at work today, didn’t accomplish what I set out to accomplish, but it was still a good day.  It was weird spending the day in the office after not being there for so long.  It’s going to be even weirder when I get to go back full time.  The place was empty.  I think we were the only ones there.  I’m going back again tomorrow morning, but only going to be there for the first half and then coming back home for the second half…at least I think that’s how it’s going to work.  But, I’m sitting here now with my laptop on my lap, trying to get my email to work and it’s not working and after the day I’ve had, my frustration level is way over the top, so maybe this isn’t the best way to spend my time…

Maybe I need a drink…

LOL!

Well, let’s try a restart on the computer and see if that helps.

Okay, that’s better…

Oh, here’s something…and something that a lot of you may not remember…it was 40 years ago today that Mount St. Helens Exploded…yeah, good times!

401

Something else the democrats cooked up to spoil another election.  NO!  I’m kidding!  Geez!  Lighten up people!

Okay, and I guess we’re not going to get to the laughs just yet, cause here’s something else that’s cool that I got from Kim Komando, What did the Hubble telescope see on your birthday?  It’s a cool website, type in your month and day and it shows you what it was looking at.  Here’s mine from December 24, 2009

402

Galaxy NGC 4214

The dwarf galaxy NGC 4214 is ablaze with young stars and gas clouds. This image captures intricate patterns of glowing hydrogen shaped during the star-birthing process, cavities blown clear of gas by stellar winds, and bright stellar clusters.

Oh crap, forgot to put in the website, let me track it back down real quick… https://www.nasa.gov/content/goddard/what-did-hubble-see-on-your-birthday

There you go!

Now, finally, let’s get to some of the laugher, shall we?

404

As summer arrives, so we dig out shorts or do we cut the legs off our pajamas?

405

Okay, now there is a whole bunch of pictures of children that, if they weren’t ours, they would probably be dead.  But, I want you to think about something as you look at some of these, how much of a parent do you have to be to stop, before you fix the situation, to take a picture…

406

407

408

409

410

411

If I’m not mistaken, those are 100 euro notes, are they not?

All I can say is…wow!

Police have been contacted in response to the murder hornets.  They are using the SWAT team to set up a sting operation.

3a2

412

3a2a

Mandatory temperature screenings will be required for fans attending the Foreigner reunion concert.  If you’re hot blooded they’ll check it and see.

No dammit, I’m not explaining it!  Google it!

413

So, in retrospect, in 2015, not a single person got the answer right to “Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?”

414

China claims that Coronavirus came from an old bat, but Pelosi denies having been involved.

415

Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine.

 

A guy at Kroger asked me if I know where Engagement, Ohio is.  I said, “It’s between Dayton and Marion.”

And here’s an oldie but goodie from Leah…

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.  When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, “You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The cowboy replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.  So I’m drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.  “Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains. “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.”

“It hasn’t affected my brothers though.”

416

Did a load of pajamas so I would have clean work clothes this week.

417

If you see my kids crying outside and picking weeds just keep on driving.  They’re on a field trip.

419

Thanks to Lynn for sending us this next one:

Pool Noodle Hats Are the New Way to Enforce Physical Distancing in Germany

 

The straw hats were created as a gag but they are proving to be very popular on social media.

501

One German cafe found an original solution to this dilemma: hats with pool noodles on them. Yes, you read that right.

Cafe Rothe in Schwerin had a grand reopening last Saturday and to ensure everyone respected social distancing rules they handed out straw hats that kept people away from each other using pool noodles. Okay, the hats were more of a prank, owner Jaqueline Rothe explained, but the gag sure drew a lot of attention.

420

Got a GREAT letter from Tom J. 

I know Dragons are curious creatures (Well, I heard that somewhere). You have told us about your job, but few of us campers have let you know what we do. I retired a few years ago. I had a job where it was ok to get “high” at work. Here I am hanging around and cleaning windows at one of the buildings at Oregon State University, home of the Beavers. I was looking through some old pictures and saw this. I always liked it because of the mirrored windows reflecting the clouds. The little one man stage is called a Spider and has an electric winch with a hook on the roof. Thought you might enjoy it.

Tom.

402

Yes, we are way curious creatures, Tom!  And that is a super awesome picture!  Thank you so very much for sharing it with us.  What a cool gig.  Hanging around on a spider getting to be way up high.  What a tremendous amount of jokes you must have had on the job for that one!  And all the windows you got to peek into.  Man, what a great gig!

And if you want to send in pictures to share we’d LOVE to share them!  Send them to impishdragon@gmail.com and we’ll post them right here, just like Tom.

401

Witches don’t fart.

We cast smells.

403

Breaking News: I’ve just been handed this newest timeline by the latest psychics:

January 2020:  Australia is on fire
February 2020:  Kobe dies
March 2020:  COVID-19 is coming to kill us
April 2020:  Economy tanks; UFOs are real
May 2020:  Giant Murder Hornets <—you are here
June 2020:  Underground crab people are discovered and they eat humans
July 2020:  Apes with guns on horseback come for the human race
August 2020:  Godzilla comes out of the ocean and he’s pissed
September 2020:  Zombie outbreak as a result of the COVID-19 vaccine testing
October 2020:  My Little Pony turns out to be real and they eat humans also
November 2020:  Second wave of crab people
December 2020:  Cthulhu comes out of the ocean and he’s pissed
January 2021:  Aliens invade planet earth
February 2021:  Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl
March 2021:  Rapture
April 2021:  Avengers 5 comes out

Oh wow!  Avengers 5!  Something to look forward to!

404

The Secret to Eternal Happiness:

A great sense of humor and a dirty mind.

~ The Book of Impish

405

Sounds like thunder outside, but with the way 2020 is going, could be Godzilla.

406

I may have used this one before, but it cracked me up so I’ll use it again:

I’ll never understand guys who pay dominatrices to degrade them.  Just get married and fold the towels wrong, dude.

1144

In 20 years when kids ask about the 2020 toilet paper shortage, I’m telling them we had to drag our butt’s across the lawn.

In the snow.

Uphill.

Both ways.

407

What do you call it when an inmate gets tazed?

Shock-a-con.

3a2b

408

3a

I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes, but instead I accidentally get … well you know … Oreos.

409

I damn well shouldn’t have to explain that one to anybody!!!

coollogo_com-199371414

And it’s a special “Holy Shit” Edition of Motivational Posters Today!!!

holy crap velociraptor

Okay, so the first one was technically a “Holy Crap”

Holy Fing Wow

Okay, so technically, they weren’t either, but they were all stuck together and alphabetically, they were in that spot so they stay.

Holy S

Okay, that’s better

Holy S2

Holy S3

Holy S4

Holy S5

Holy s6

Holy S7

Holy S8

Holy S14

Holy S15

Holy S16

Holy S17

Holy S19

Holy Shit

I know, the last two kinda went off topic, but they were still Holy Shits so …

410

No shit!!!!!  I am so sick and tired of hearing that term.  There is no such thing as “New Normal”

Damn!

       Pelosi was visiting a primary school in Orlando and visited a 4th grade class. They were in the middle of a  discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked Mrs. Pelosi if she would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy.’ So our illustrious Democrat asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy.’

One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” said Pelosi, “that would be an accident.”

A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explained Pelosi. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”

The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Pelosi searched the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally, at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath. In a quiet voice he said: “If the plane carrying you was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.”

“Fantastic!” exclaimed Pelosi, “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”

“Well,” says Johnny, “It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn’t be an accident either!”

The teacher left the room.

411

412

Death Wish Coffee?  Now that sounds like something I’m going to have to try.

413

Okay, I don’t want to seem insensitive or not politically correct or some other snowflake kind of thing, but I just went to Google to find out what Pansexual meant (not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity)  which made me think of someone who is bisexual so right below that was the question, what is the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality and the answer was (and I’m quoting here) Bisexuality refers to a person who is attracted to people who are the same gender as themselves, as well as those of different genders.  Okay, I got that.  Pansexuality is an identity label used to describe a person who is attracted to all gender identities. And then I looked down a little further and saw a clickable link from ABC news: Here’s a list of 58 Gender Options for Facebook Users and right below that: search for: What are the 64 genders?  Um … Gender right?  Male or Female.  Then apparently we can break that out into Gender Identities?  Again, not trying to be insensitive one way or the other here, truly.

I’m a man.  I’m a man that feels like a woman.
I’m a woman.  I’m a woman that feels like a man.
Now the match ups.
I’m a man that is attracted to a woman
I’m a man that is attracted to a man
I’m a man that’s attracted to a man that feels like a woman
I’m a man that’s attracted to a woman that feels like a man

if you do that both ways I get a total of 8

Where the fuck are they getting 64 gender identities from?

I mean really!

You can’t possibly count “I’m a man attracted to a rutabaga” because then 64 isn’t near large enough!  You’re gonna need thousands!  There’s a bunch of wackjobs out there! 

And NO!  I’m not clicking on the link to find out.  I’m just ruminating with my friends around the campfire, because that’s what old dragons do, dammit!

1145

Hell, mine too!

1147

What’s a lunch break?

1148

1149

1150

Hey, I thought it was a pretty good dad joke.

Now, a couple of quick personal notes:

To Danny M:  You’re very welcome Danny!

To Chuck G:  Thank you so much Chuck, that was so very generous!!

00b2

 

 

So what do you say we do some Calvin and Hobbs and then call it a day, shall we?

 

1151

1152

1153

1154

1155

1156

1157

1158

And that my dear friends and family, my fellow campers on the campground of life, brings us to the end of another installment of your favorite ezine.

I hope you had as much fun as I did and until we meet again.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1736

Header1704

coollogo_com-147302669

Good Morning Most Exalted Campers,

It’s Sunday…well for me.  For you, it’s Monday.  Doing that whole time-travel thing again.  And today is the last day you’re going to hear from me for a while.  Sorry.  You’re going to miss out on hearing from me for a whole 48 hours.  I am actually at work on base while you’re reading this.  Toiling away, nose to the grindstone, back to the wheel, gosh it sounds horrible already!  I need a break and it hasn’t even happened yet!

401

Why would you put your nose to that?  And how in the world did that ever come to mean hard work?  Stupidity?  Torture?  But, putting your nose against that?  While it’s spinning?  Yeah, not so much.  Just like so many other sayings… and this from BookBrowse.com:

Meaning:

Apply yourself to your work with perseverance and diligence.

Background:

When sharpening blades, knife grinders tend to bend over the grindstone, or even like flat down with their faces near the grindstone in order to hold the blades against the stone.


The earliest known reference is in John Frith’s A mirrour or glasse to know thyselfe in 1532: “This Text holdeth their noses so hard to the grindstone, that it clean disfigureth their faces.”

Yeah … so now it makes perfect sense … not.  ANYWAY, like normal, we got set off on a tangent and wondered off into the weeds.  But then again, what else are you supposed to do while camping?  But now, let’s do some of that other stuff, shall we?

coollogo_com-10445687

1140

I found this article from NPR very interesting…which, being from NPR was itself interesting…

As more people work from home, companies are ramping up the use of software to monitor what their employees do all day. This includes programs that download videos of employees’ screens while they work and enable a computer’s webcam to take a picture every 10 minutes. 

Click on the link to read the article … especially if you’re working from home right now.

1141

I got some more information on Diesel engines from Tom J.  Are you interested?  I am, so here it is.  Thanks Tom!

Some information about the Diesel Engine. I spent a lot of money to go to automotive school and it was a long time ago, but what I was taught matches what is below. The inventor, Rudolf Diesel died in the English Channel in 1913, long before World War Two.

Diesel Engine, type of internal-combustion engine in which heat caused by air compression ignites the fuel. At the instant fuel is injected into a diesel engine’s combustion chambers, the air inside is hot enough to ignite the fuel on contact. Diesel engines, therefore, do not need spark plugs, which are required to ignite the air-fuel mixture in gasoline engines. Diesel engines burn a petroleum product similar to kerosene, jet fuel, and home heating oil.

Diesel engines are more efficient and less expensive to operate than gasoline-powered engines, partly because diesel fuel costs less. Diesels consume less fuel and emit fewer waste products. A disadvantage of the diesel engine is the production of sooty, smelly smoke, but modern diesels generally run cleaner and with less odor than older models.

German engineer Rudolf Diesel invented the diesel engine in the 1890s. The engines initially used powdered coal for fuel. By 1897 Diesel had built a compression-ignition engine that ran on kerosene.

Diesel engines were more efficient than the steam engines of the 1800s and became popular. They were also big and heavy, suitable mostly for the shipping and railroad industries. They are still the engines of choice for heavy transportation and industry. Most modern buses, trucks, trains and ships are powered by diesels. These engines have become popular in some automobiles as well.

Which now makes sense why in my work diesel truck I have to let the glow plug warm up in cold weather before I can start it.  I did not know that.  Thanks for that little lesson on diesel engines.  I’ve never owned a diesel vehicle so really don’t know that much about them.  I know that aircraft engines are very similar but never having worked on that part of the aircraft have no experience with it.

Thanks again for the lesson, Tom.

402

I don’t really think that is what your car is trying to tell you.

Other People: What did you learn from the quarantine of 2020?

Me: Bigfoot’s name is Darryl.

403

Now let’s do a bunch of funny misspellings that people really ought to have known better about:

404

Seems more embarrassing for you than me, but sure…now go change your shorts!

405

This might make sense, sense it was probably forced upon them…

406

I had a waitress who worked for me who asked me where the “Farmer John Cheese” was.  It took me a little while to figure out what it was she was asking for.

407

Pass, thanks.  I prefer a bowl.

408

Hard pass!  Not a part of the chicken I’m interested in.

409

Okay, think about it for a minute.  It may seem a little harsh at first, but it is probably a great deterrent and is a good way to recoup some of the money lost to theft.

410

Is this one of those hooked-on-phonics things?

411

Another hard pass.

412

Yeah, I got nothing.  I’m surprised it got printed, framed, shipped to the store, and put out on the floor for sale and nobody caught it.

413

I’m thinking that the Learning Academy is teaching witchcraft.

coollogo_com-20590563

Hillbilly with a pickaxe

Hindsight

Hippies

Hit points

Hitchhiking

Hitler

Hitler2

hitman_monkey

HMMMM

Hoarding

Hobbits

Hobby

holy carp

414

 

415

416

417

418

419

420

421

422

423

I don’t know…I like bacon…and I like Jolly Ranchers … but, bacon flavored Jolly Ranchers?  I mean, I’d try them, come on!  They’re bacon flavored!  But still …

424

The Logic is Inescapable

425

426

The same exact struggle I have every single day.

1142

And with that picture left in your head for the rest of the day, I’ll leave you to it for today.  I’ll see you again probably again on Wednesday.  The key word there being probably.  I know today’s issue was filled primarily with memes, but I can only send you what I get.  Send me your jokes, your cartoons, stuff you want to share with the other campers that this goes out to every day … or as often as it goes out.  Just think, you got something you want to say, you send it to me and if I send it to them, you have a live audience. 

Send it to impishdragon@gmail.com

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1735

Header1727

coollogo_com-8905686

Good Morning Gentle Campers,

For those of you who’ve wondered what my camping space looks like … nah, I’m just borrowing this one.  There’s a couple of hippie girls wandering around somewhere that will be back shortly, we’ll be relaxing on this Sunday and getting our chill on.  I “highly” recommend this for the rest of you.  Today is the day to sit back, relax, chill out, and just do your best to unwind.  “…and he rested on the seventh day…” although we arbitrarily decided that this day is the seventh day and is called Sunday and yes, I know I took that quote out of context, the implication being that we have had to work (or toil) to rest from, but we’re wandering WAY outside the box here!! Just chill out today campers and enjoy yourselves!  Sheesh!

Okay, so it’s Sunday.  Do your thing.  Whatever it is that you do to relax.  The whole R&R&R that we discussed last week. (Rest & Relaxation & Recharging) or the I&I that was also suggested (Intoxication & Intercourse) although that last one dates back to the Vietnam War, but you can still use it if you like … and who wouldn’t like? 

So, all this talk of resting, relaxing, hippies, and Vietnam has thrown us into a 1960’s mode, so….
coollogo_com-912276

401

Marijuana is legal.
Haircuts are not.
It took fifty years, but the hippies have finally won.

402

One of the best movie in the whole world for quotes!

A man was told his hair piece would cost 25 dollars …
It was a small price toupee.

3a

403

A drunk goes to court.  The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”  The drunk says, “Great.  Let’s get started.”

404

And we’re watching every fucking move you make, bitch!

My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, “How can I stop my addiction?”

Wife: “Whatever means necessary.”

Me: “No it doesn’t.”

There may have been gunshots heard at that point.

405

I organized a threesome last night … there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time.

406

Twelve Rules for Seniors

#1  Talk to yourself.  There are times you need expert advice.
#2  “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.
#3  You don’t need anger management.  You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4  Your people skills are just fine.  It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs a little work.
#5  The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don’t need to write that down.  I’ll remember it.”
#6  “On time” is when you get there.
#7  Even duct tape can’t fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8  It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
#9  Lately, you’ve noticed people your age are so much older than you.
#10  Growing old should have taken longer.  (No Shit!!)
#11  Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn’t shut you up.
#12  You still haven’t learned to act your age, and hope you never will.

407

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

408

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

409

In the memo field of all your checks, write, “For Marijuana”

410

Lockdown can only go four ways.  You’ll come out a monk, a hunk, a chunk, or a drunk.  Choose Wisely!

411

I was offered sex today with a Victoria’s Secret model.  In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner here on Dragon Laffs.  Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards and strong willpower.  Just as strong as Ajax®, the incredibly strong bathroom cleanser.  Nov available in lemon scent and vanilla.

412

coollogo_com-5740339

Her name is sandy

Here Kitty

Here Mom

Here's the deal

Heroes

heroism

herpes

hey dude

Hey Lady

Hey Man

High Beams

High Kick

High School

High speed weight lifting

413

That sounds like an awesome plan to me!

I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from “You probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the hell, let’s see what happens.”

414

415

416

No!  No!  That’s just fucking wrong!  Go boo somebody else!  Do be a hater!

417

Aussie Pete, you are just wrong, dude!

418

No way!  I’m not ready for that, shit!

419

420

421

Okay, I’m good!

422

423

424

And with that, we’ll call this one complete!  Hope you had a nice relaxing day.

Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments