Dragon Laffs #1799

Labor Day

Good Morning Campers,labor_day_1

Good Labor Day!!!!  Or should it be Happy Labor Day?  I’m not really sure.  What is Labor Day?  Well, according to the U. S. Department of Labor’s website, Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the Labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers.  It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.  

The first Labor Day holiday was celebrated on Tuesday, September 5, 1882, in New York City, in accordance with the plans of the Central Labor Union. The Central Labor Union held its second Labor Day holiday just a year later, on September 5, 1883.

labor_day_rosieBy 1894, 23 more states had adopted the holiday, and on June 28, 1894, President Grover Cleveland signed a law making the first Monday in September of each year a national holiday.

Sounds like a holiday to celebrate how hard we work…yeah … let’s go with that!  LOL!  And on that note, let’s get to some of the fun stuff and maybe we’ll get back to some of the Labor Day stuff, too.
 
Let's Laugh 5
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When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet.  I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

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My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the UPS guy knocked on our door to see if we’re okay.

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Here’s a cute story from the Department of Labor Website about the very first Labor Day celebration – Kegs?  Did someone say Kegs?

Labor Daze – Pride, Chaos and Kegs on Labor’s First ‘Day’

On the morning of September 5, 1882, a crowd of spectators filled the sidewalks of lower Manhattan near city hall and along Broadway. They had come early, well before the Labor Day parade marchers, to claim the best vantage points from which to view the first Labor Day parade. A newspaper account of the day described “…men on horseback, men wearing regalia, men with society aprons, and men with flags, musical instruments, badges, and all the other paraphernalia of a procession.”

The police, wary that a riot would break out, were out in force that morning as well. By 9 a.m., columns of police and club-wielding officers on horseback surrounded city hall.

By 10 a.m., the Grand Marshall of the parade, William McCabe, his aides and their police escort were all in place for the start of the parade. There was only one problem: none of the men had moved. The few marchers that had shown up had no music.

According to McCabe, the spectators began to suggest that he give up the idea of parading, but he was determined to start on time with the few marchers that had shown up. Suddenly, Mathew Maguire of the Central Labor Union of New York (and probably the father of Labor Day) ran across the lawn and told McCabe that two hundred marchers from the Jewelers Union of Newark Two had just crossed the ferry — and they had a band!

Just after 10 a.m., the marching jewelers turned onto lower Broadway — they were playing “When I First Put This Uniform On,” from Patience, an opera by Gilbert and Sullivan. The police escort then took its place in the street. When the jewelers marched past McCabe and his aides, they followed in behind. Then, spectators began to join the march. Eventually, there were 700 men in line in the first of three divisions of Labor Day marchers. Final reports of the total number of marchers ranged from 10,000 to 20,000 men and women.

With all of the pieces in place, the parade marched through lower Manhattan. The New York Tribune reported that: “The windows and roofs and even the lamp posts and awning frames were occupied by persons anxious to get a good view of the first parade in New York of workingmen of all trades united in one organization.”

At noon, the marchers arrived at Reservoir Park, the termination point of the parade. While some returned to work, most continued on to the post-parade party at Wendel’s Elm Park at 92nd Street and Ninth Avenue; even some unions that had not participated in the parade showed up to join in the post-parade festivities that included speeches, a picnic, an abundance of cigars, and “Lager beer kegs… mounted in every conceivable place.”

From 1 p.m. until 9 p.m. that night, nearly 25,000 union members and their families filled the park and celebrated the very first, and almost entirely disastrous, Labor Day.

And if you gotta be in a parade, there ought to be beer at the end!

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In my experience, I’ve found this to be quite true.

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*Slapping a skinny girl’s ass*

Neighbors : You hear that gun shot?!

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My Therapist:  Why aren’t you being honest with me?

Me:  Because I don’t want to be hospitalized…

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Stupid should hurt – and we, as parents, should let it hurt.  Just ask the Whelpling.  When he was growing up, there was about a 6 month period where we called poison control on that kid like 5 times.  EVERYTHING went in this kids mouth!  We never had to take him to the hospital to have his stomach pumped or anything, thank God, he just scared the shit out of us, but it was funny, the phone rang one afternoon and I answered it, back when phones were still on the wall and and you didn’t know who was calling you until you picked it up.  I said hello and this nice lady on the other end said, “Hi, this is Poison Control.  We haven’t heard from you for a few weeks and we just wanted to call and make sure that the Whelpling was still okay.”  POISON CONTROL CALLED US TO MAKE SURE OUR SON WAS STILL ALIVE!!!  I laughed so hard I cried.

Yes, stupid should hurt.  That kid got stitches in more places…geez.  And yes, I have three rough and tumble grandkids, two boys and a girl that take right after their dad!  And I couldn’t be prouder!

Stupid should hurt because that’s how you learn!

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Amen

Being white isn’t all that great ‘cuz dancing really looks fun.

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Boy, ain’t that the truth!

I got this next one from Papa Dragon Most Senior.  My Dad.  I’m not sure who he got it from other than the name, since he doesn’t delete the forwarding addresses, which I will not include here, but will include the little essay she wrote.  It is well worth the read.

I received this from a friend today who is a Democrat.  This is well worth the read, she really put a lot of thought in this.

Salient Thoughts

In past discussions we have talked about this election and I thought this pretty much sums it up for me.

In just three months, it will be over.  The U.S. presidential election, I mean.  Not the end of the world.  But maybe the end of our nation, as we have known it.  No I will not be voting for Biden…. I am not voting for a man.  I am not rallying for a personality.  I am not pushing a person.  At this point, I am voting for one thing and one thing only.  I am voting for the principles for which this country has stood since it’s founding.  I am voting for Constitutional government.  I am voting for a strong and viable military.  I am voting for a vibrant economy.  I am voting for the right to keep and bear arms.  I am voting for the freedom to worship.  I am voting for a national recognition of the founding of our nation on Biblical principles.  I am voting for the ability for anyone to rise above their circumstances and become successful.  I am voting for my children and grandchildren to be able to choose their own path in life, including how and where their children are educated.  I am voting for our borders to be open to everyone who enters under our law and closed to everyone who would circumvent or ignore the law. I am voting for the Electoral College to remain in place, so that a few heavily populated liberal centers do not control the elections. I am voting for a Supreme Court that interprets the Constitution rather than rewrites it.  I am voting to teach history, with all of it’s warts, not erase it or revise it.

Now, there are some things I am voting against. I am voting against open borders.  I am voting against a rampant welfare system that enslaves it’s recipients.  I am voting against socialism, in all of it’s forms, including health care, redistribution, reparations, economics, governmental control, pedophilia, and criminal releases, etc.  I would rather pay for prison reform then see the criminals released to repeatedly commit the same crimes!  So, although I don’t give blanket approval to everything our President has done or said in the past, I do support him as our president!  I am not voting against Joe Biden, but I am voting against every thing that the party backing him and propping him up stands for.  It is not the Democratic Party of the past.  Three months is all we have!

Very well said, Ma’am.  I salute you.

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Took my wife to Subway today.  I asked the girl to make me a sandwich and she said, “Sure, no problem.”

I turned to my wife and said, “Now how mutherfuckin hard was that?”

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And yet another warning from Aussie Peter

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I don’t know what the hell it is in there, but I ain’t putting my foot in there.

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You have no idea the amount and nature of the one-liners that are currently going through this dragon’s head right now.

I didn’t realize how bad my driving was until my GPS said, “In 400 feet make a slight right, stop, and let me out.”

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Yup, that would be my luck …

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I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a six-foot pole” would become national policy, but here we are.

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Rearrange these letters to form words:

1.  PNEIS

2.  BUTTSXE

Did you get *SPINE* and *SUBTEXT*?

Yeah … neither did I.

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Hey!  Yeah!  Me, too!

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I just saw three people jogging outside and it inspired me …

To get up and close the blinds

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Yes.  Yes they do.

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Okay …. drum roll please …

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Well, close enough … It’s time to do these things ..

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And an extra-large batch today because I’m feeling extra-generous and it is Labor Day after all …

Every

Smurfette

Smurfs

Snakes

Snjpers on Bikes

Snorting Coke

Snow White

so if everyone

So this

So, I just divided by zero and then

So...

so

Soccer

Socialism

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You dumbasses getting it yet?

so-cute-itll-make-your-head-explode

Sofa Bison

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Did You Know: (Yes I do!) (You do?) (Yup!) (But I haven’t said anything yet…) (But, I still know) (How do you know?) (Because I can smell the alcohol on your breath and if it has to do with alcohol I know all about it) (That’s amazing, if true, so let’s see) At any given time, there are at least … 27 open bottles of alcohol in my bar … (no, let me finish) … 18.5 million Barrels … of Whisky maturing in Scotland.  (That was easy)  (That was amazing)

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Do you ever get up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and think … “That can’t be accurate.”

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And on a related note …

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As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I’m sure of … it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

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Rumors are circulating in California that radical Muslims

Are planning to go on a rampage in Los Angeles, killing

Anyone who is white and born in the U.S.

Police fear the death toll could be as high as 23.

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Warning about E-Bay

Be careful what you buy on E-Bay.

If you buy stuff on-line, check out the seller carefully.

A friend has just spent $195 plus sales tax on a penis enlarger.

Bastards sent him a magnifying glass.

The only instruction said, “Do not use in sunlight.”

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Text message

There was a group of women at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The women were asked, “How many of you love your husbands?”

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”

Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn’t remember.

The women were then told to take their phones and send the following text: “I love you, sweetheart.”

Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:

1.  Who is this?

2.  Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

3.  I love you too.

4.  What now?  Did you crash the car again?

5.  I don’t understand what you mean?

6.  What did you do now?

7.  ?!!???

8.  Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

9.  Am I dreaming?

10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed we would not to drink during the day.

12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn’t she??

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labor2

Well, we didn’t get too much more into the whole Labor Day thing, but I hope you had a nice holiday none-the-less.  I get to go back to work tomorrow after almost a week off of ignoring my job and handling family matters, which, yes, were more important, but the thought of what I have facing me almost scares me into retirement.

But … since I can’t afford to retire … I must go face the music … or the firing squad … whichever.

Thank you all again for all your love and support throughout this stressful and difficult time.  1aYou guys are much more than just readers or an audience.  You are friends, family, loved ones.  You are campers in the playground that Dragon Laffs has created in my mind and many of you have taken up residence and have stayed and played right along with me all these many years and you have no idea how much I have appreciated it.

The itch to write, to tell a story, to entertain is never very far from the ends of my fingers and although this is not a complete and total release, it is a cold compress keeping the fever at bay and you all help with that and I thank you with all my heart.

Until nest time.

Cheers!

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Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #1798

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Good Morning Campers,

Not sure what to write this morning or when you’ll see this.  It’s very early Sunday morning and I couldn’t sleep.  I don’t know why I can’t sleep, I should be friggin’ exhausted.  Did all kinds of funeral arrangement stuff out of town on Friday, got up early and did yard work (literally hacked through part of a jungle with a machete), (I gotta get the grandkids or some neighborhood kids or something over here to do that from now on, I’m too friggin’ old to work that damn hard and am going to give myself a heart attack if I keep it up) then did more funeral type stuff and finished off the last issue you guys got this morning, well … this morning for me, who knows when you’ll be reading this one.  I should be sleeping like a baby. 

Well, I guess I am.  Waking up in the middle of the night … cranky.  My damn body hurts and the rainy weather we’ve been having isn’t helping.

Ah well, let’s do some laughing and maybe that will tire me out enough that I can Wooden-3get back to sleep.  I have to go back to work on Monday and Tuesday, then I’m taking Wednesday and Thursday off for the viewing and funeral and then I’ll take Friday off to put my household back together again..

It’s gonna be a tough week, so let’s laugh a little while we can, shall we?

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Q. What’s the only thing divorce proves?
A. Whose mother was right in the first place.

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Boss:  We’re going to be doing random drug testing.

Me:  Okay, but I won’t try crack.

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Splenda Daddy:  A man who strives to be a Sugar Daddy but just doesn’t have the funds to pull it off.

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When a kid asks a sibling to play a game of tag, they’re basically asking if their sibling wants to take a jog that ends in a fight.

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I Went to IKEA and bought a cake …

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“Do NOT pee on your brother!”  and other things you hear in a public restroom that don’t seem strange at all after you have kids.

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My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.  I said, “Wow.  That’s an amazing car!”
He replied, “If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I’ll get another one next year.”

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And a lot of you aren’t gonna get that one.

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I tried donating blood today … NEVER AGAIN!!!

Too many stupid questions!

Who’s blood is it?  Where did you get it from?  Why is it in a bucket?

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Q: What’s the difference between the Government and the Mafia?
A: One of them is organized.

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I don’t know if this is a real letter or not, but it sure is funny.

Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of “cut and paste” for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is “I prefer not to comment.” I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your “favorites list”, which I conveniently saved when you made me “back up” your useless files. I do believe that terms like “Lolita” are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to “take pictures of your Mother’s birthday,” you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never mess with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

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In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan – NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists – REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo – USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink – AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray – THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer – TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.  (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids – LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING  POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles – OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins – WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer – DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Fritos – YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.  (The shoplifter special!)
12. On a bar of Dial soap – DIRECTIONS – USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)
13. On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) – DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.  (Too late! You lose!)
14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding – PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.  (Are you sure? Let’s experiment.)
15. On a Korean kitchen knife – WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights – FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.  (As opposed to use in outer space?)
17. On a Japanese food processor – NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I’m curious.)
18. On Sainsbury’s peanuts – WARNING – CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)
19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS – OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.  (I’m glad they cleared that up.)
20. On a Swedish chainsaw – DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.  (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
21. On a child’s superman costume – WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.  (That’s right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
22. On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.
24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
25. On Boot’s “Children’s” cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
26. On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.  (Duh!)

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Surgeons invited to dinner parties are often asked to carve the meat, or worse yet, to watch the host carve while commenting on the surgeon’s occupation.
At one party, a surgeon friend was watching the carving while Harry, his host, kept up a running commentary:
“How am I doing, Doc? How do you like that technique? I’d make a pretty good surgeon, don’t you think?”
When the host finished and the slices of meat lay neatly on the serving platter, the surgeon finally spoke up, “Anybody can take them apart, Harry. Now let’s see you put them back together again.”

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Hello young lovers! Has this ever happened to you?
You and your sweetie have finally gotten off by yourselves. You find yourself at Inspiration Point or some cozy lovers lane and things are really getting hot! You reach in your glove compartment and oh no! No condoms!
Well your next move is to ruin the moment by driving to a convenience store, humiliating yourself by getting change, then rushing into the restroom to the “Love Machine” to buy one while some weirdo watches you from the stall. Meanwhile, your sweetie has “lost the urge” sitting out in the car with the windows fogged up and asks to be taken home!
Not a pretty picture is it?
Well! Your troubles are over! RUBBER HUT is here!
Yes, our radio dispatched pink delivery vans are on patrol. We can get there in ten minutes!(Home delivery make take a little longer) We constantly patrol lovers lanes with all your favorite kinds of condoms, from drug store variety to specialty types. Just call on your cellular phone (we cater to yuppies) and we will be there in minutes with your selection.
You can easily spot our vans on patrol.
They have a pink light on their antennas with the words “SAFE SEX” in white letters. Just tell the driver what you need. We take all charge cards or we can open an account for you if you want.
Just dial, 555-LOAD or *RH on your cellular!
Rubber Hut motto:
“WHEN YOU’RE IN HEAT, WE’RE JUST DOWN THE STREET
 

Where the hell were you when I was young?????

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Riots in The Villages in Florida. 

The rioting in major cities across the U.S. has spread to The Villages, Florida, a retirement community of over 100,000.
Looters in Florida’s friendliest hometown have especially broken into stores that sell items like laxatives, vitamins, hearing aids, reading glasses, energy drinks and surgical stockings.
The Seniors were easily caught and arrested since they were using their walkers and golf carts to flee.
The protests have been limited to the evening hours because most of the lawbreakers either had doctor’s appointments during the day or rioting would have interfered with their naps.
The marches didn’t last that long because many of the demonstrators had to get home to pee. In many cases, the demonstrators simply forgot why they were even there.
Officials considered a curfew starting at 9 p.m. but since that’s the time when most of the residents go to bed anyway, it was decided that it wasn’t needed.
Community leaders concluded that part of the problem was that residents were restless because they had too much time on their hands since the recreation centers, pools, theaters, boutique stores and especially the bars were closed due to the corona virus.
Community officials wanted to form a committee to look further into the problem, but the next day no one could remember why they needed a committee.

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Sweetheart38 (2)

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Sleep

sleepinternet (2)

Sluts

Small Penis

smart cars

Smart phone

smartphones

Smile

Smiles

Smirk

Smoking

Stirring37 (2)

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So, I’m not sure … do we tell him, or just let him find out on his own?

Well, it’s been almost a week  since I started this … and what a week it’s been.  It went a lot like I expected it to go.  Visitation and the Funeral were good.  Mrs. Dragon got sick.  I think it was a combination of exhaustion, stress, and her illnesses, but she made it through the best she could and she was there when she needed to be.

Tuesday, before we went down for everything we took our dog Baleigh to the vet and she does indeed have cancer … again, for the third time.  The vet told us that they could go in and surgically lessen it … that would cost an arm and a leg.  Or we could get a surgeon to go in and remove it like we did the last two times, and that would cost two arms and a leg and with her history it would probably come back in a year or so, just like it did this time, and at her age, there’s no guarantee that she would survive either of those two surgeries anyway. (She’s 14, which makes her what, 91 in human years?) The vet says she’s not in pain, is in good spirits, is eating well, not vomiting, or anything like that…she could last a week, or a year or who knows.  So, we’re going to watch her and if it looks like she starts to have too much pain or whatever than …

Anyway …. Wednesday we went down for visitation and stuff, spent the day with family, it was tough, but there were a couple of perfect 2020 moments.  We spent the night in a hotel in the area got back to the hotel, ordered dinner from a local restaurant to be delivered to the hotel.  Mrs. Dragon got in her Pajamas cause, like I said, she wasn’t feeling well, and while we were waiting for it to arrive … the fire alarm in the hotel goes off and we have to evacuate.

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Yup, that’s a picture of the first fire truck to arrive in front of the hotel.  We knew it wasn’t anything, there were no flames coming from the third floor windows or anything, some poor guy probably set off the smoke alarm with a bag of popcorn in the microwave, but the fire department had to come clear the building before we could go back in.  And guess what arrived right in the midst of all this?  Our dinner.  Perfect.

But the next day the funeral was really nice.  They did a nice military tribute.  At one point they had just veterans carrying the casket and I was quite honored to be among them, sons and grand sons, son in laws and grand son in law I think.  About half in uniform.  Military honors.  Salute during the playing of Taps.  It was really quite special.  Very nicely done.  For being a Thursday during the day there were quite a few people there, but most of his friends were already retired so that makes sense. 

405I may not have been in uniform but I still rocked it in my suit and tie.

I am a handsome devil in my human form

Actually, I look like a gangster getting ready to go in and rob a bank.

damn

Anyway, Thursday night we came home and unpacked, got very little sleep Wednesday being in a strange bed and all.  And now it’s Friday morning, and although my grass is about waist high and we need to go to the grocery and to the pharmacy and a couple other places, to the best of our ability today is going to be a day of rest in the dragon household.

But, I did want to touch base with you, my dear, dear friends, let you know that we were all still alive and doing okay.  That we are now back home and well and that we are going to try and put things back on track again.

So, let’s throw a couple of closing funnies in here and get this posted…even if it posts on Friday afternoon and then you can expect the next issue to come out on Monday and we’ll get back on Track again like that.  How does that sound?

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois where perhaps a little research on the part of our bozos would have helped out. Bozo Thomas Ingram and two of his buddies broke into a closed Chicago restaurant last Thursday evening and pried the ATM machine from its bolts. They then attempted to toss the contraption into the back seat of their 1993 Cadillac DeVille. While this is a large car, the back seat wasn’t quite large enough for an ATM, so they took off with the back door half open and the ATM partially hanging out. Not surprisingly, this attracted a police officer who pulled them over and made the arrest. It was what they didn’t know about the machine that made them true bozos. The ATM had been out of order, and money, for more than two years. And the restaurant owner had been trying to figure out how to get rid of the useless machine.

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We actually watched this movie last week and I thought this meme was made up … but I believe this is all a direct quote.  Almost an Abbott and Costello routine.

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Thanks again to all of you who have sent well wishes and good wishes and prayers and blessings and everything else that has been sent.  It has all been deeply and heartfelt appreciated.  Mrs. Dragon and I appreciate it deeply.

Love and Happiness to you all.

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Dragon Laffs #1797

Header1795

Good Morning Campers,

So … we’re going to try this … not sure when it will be published.  Today is Thursday.  Finally found out that the funeral arrangements are going to be next Wednesday and Thursday and there is no way that I can stay away from you guys for that long.  So I am going to try to put a little bit of something down here and there and when there is enough for an issue, I’ll send it out. Not sure how that is going to work out, but  hey, we’ll see how it goes. 

The above picture is of a modified T-38 Talon.  I say modified because most T-38’s weren’t equipped with a centerline weapons pylon.  These were specially designed for the lead-in fighter training at Holloman AFB in New Mexico which happened to be my next stop and my next aircraft.  Slammed a lot of 25 lb. practice bombs in the desert there in New Mexico.  It was a special dispenser that could hold 6 practice bombs and 4 2.75 inch FFAR rockets.  OR you could put a little mini-gun pod on the centerline.  That was it. 

It was to teach the new pilots how to fly supersonic and how to drop bombs and shot guns while doing so.  As a weapons troop, we also launched jets in the morning and did all kinds of other jobs.  It was a pretty fun time.  It was also where I got to fly in a fighter jet, fly supersonic, actually fly the jet for a little bit, dog fight and do loops and stuff, way, way cool.  Like the world’s largest roller-coaster.  I also have the distinction of being the only maintenance guy (at least on that flight of five) who didn’t have to use a barf bag and because of that, my pilot had to buy the beer for the other guys.  He could not make me sick no matter how hard he tried … and he tried … boy did he try!  Great fun!

Now, what do you say we get some laughter going here?  I think we all could use some.

coollogo_com-166981397

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Stephanie posted this … I don’t think she was talking about her house …

Posted a photo of my clean house and it was flagged and removed as “Fake News.”

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A man goes into a bar in Biloxi:  “Can I have a Corona and two Hurricanes please?”

Bartender:  “That’ll be $20.20.”

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This one is from Aussie Peter and I’m almost positive it’s a true story …

I’ve just got back from holiday.  The hotel we stopped at was absolutely fantastic. 

The towels were so soft and fluffy.  I could hardly close my suitcase.

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Years from now we’re gonna be like 2018, 2019, 2021, 2022

“hey you missed …”

“NOPE!  We don’t talk about that one!”

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Financial Life Lesson

If something costs $1000, and it is on sale for $750, and then you decide to buy it, you did not save $250.

You spent $750!

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that
one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the
opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears
made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you
need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said,
‘NO, it’s not.’ Four is larger than two..’

We haven’t used Sears repair since.

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

   My daughter and I went through the McDonald ‘s take-out window and I
gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a
quarter. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but
this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.’  She sighed and went to
get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed
me back the quarter, and said ‘We’re sorry but they could not do that kind
of thing.’ The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in
change..

Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

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I swear there’s more of them out there than just this guy!

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IDIOT SIGHTING :

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING
sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don’t think this is a good place for  them to be crossing anymore.’

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IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE :


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but
they=only had iceberg lettuce

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IDIOT SIGHTING :

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ To
which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He
smiled knowingly and nodded,  ‘That’s why we ask.’

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

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And the amazing part … a lot of the kids won’t even get the reference …

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IDIOT SIGHTING :


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked
if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people
when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind
people doing driving?!’

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

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IDIOT SIGHTING

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side
door.  As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked.  ‘Hey,’ I announced to the
technician, ‘its open!’  His reply, ‘I know.  I already got that side.’

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

Thanks to Sasquatch for all those idiot sightings and like he reminds us … STAY ALERT!  They walk among us, they vote AND they reproduce!

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I hate it when people can’t let go of the past.

Debt collectors are the worst.

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Did You Know:  (No I did Not) (You’re going to start this shit again, aren’t you?) (Just trying to play along) The Snickers bar, was introduced in 1930 and was named after the Mars Family’s favorite horse.  (The candy bar is named after a horse?) (Yup!) (I did not know that) (Go figure)

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Fake News

The MSN was reporting over and over that no one was wearing masks in Sturgis during the bike rally.  Once again, fake news.

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I spent last night defrosting the fridge, or foreplay as she likes to call it.

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People who confuse the words “burro” and “burrow” don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground.

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Well, it’s now Saturday morning and spent the whole day yesterday doing funeral arrangement stuff.  Left the house at 8 am, didn’t get home until after 8 pm.  Nothing but tears and craziness all day long.  And today, I have to call the vet to make an appointment because the tumor is back on our dogs belly and we’re pretty sure we’re going to have to let her go this time.  She’s 14 years old and not only can’t we afford the surgery, we really don’t think she can stand up to it for a third time.  And that will just destroy Mrs. Dragon right now.  I don’t think she’s in any pain and I say we just let her go and live out the rest of her time in love with us, but Mrs. Dragon thinks it might be kinder to put her down.  So, I get to call the vet and make an appointment and see if I can’t squeeze that in somewhere this week, too.

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Have you ever noticed …

That people won’t take the time to look up important information, but will spend fifteen minutes taking a quiz to find out what kind of potato they are?

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“What’s the worst that could happen?” is no longer a rhetorical question, it is now a challenge to the universe.

Ain’t that the truth.

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Steph, you’re right, he does look a bit like Mel Brooks.

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This one was sent in by Justin and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Justin likes to fish …

20 Reasons why Fishing is BETTER Then Sex

#20 – No matter how much whiskey you’ve had, you can still Fish.

#19 – A limp rod is still useful while Fishing.

#18 – You don’t have to hide your Fishing magazines.

#17 – It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.

#16 – The Ten Commandments don’t say anything against Fishing.

#15 – If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing you don’t have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

#14 – Your Fishing partner doesn’t get upset about people you Fished with long ago.

#13 – It’s perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

#12 – When you see a really good Fishing person, you don’t have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

#11 – If your regular Fishing partner isn’t available, he/she won’t object if you Fish with someone else.

#10 – Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

#9 – When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.

#8 – You don’t have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.

#7 – You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for Fishing harassment.

#6 – There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

#5 – If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don’t have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

#4 – Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.

#3 – Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

#2 – You don’t have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.

#1 – Your Fishing partner will never say, “Not again? We just Fished last week – Is Fishing all You ever think about!”

I could be wrong.  Justin may have just found these funny … like I did, but he may be a fishing guy.

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As funny as this looks, I’ve been there when the fire suppression system goes off in a hanger accidently and the thing fills up with foam … it looks funny as hell, but WHAT A MESS!!!

Okay, here’s another one from Justin … an oldie  but goodie.

Girls Night Out

Two women friends had gone for a girls ‘night out.

Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women’s husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: ‘These girl nights have got to stop! I’m starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!’

‘That’s nothing’ said the other husband, ‘Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said…..

‘From all of us at the Fire Station.
We’ll never forget you.”

Yeah, I could see as how that would be problematic. 

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The perfect analogy in picture form, of 2020.  In case you can’t figure it out, that’s a bee’s nest right over top of the gas cap.

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motivational wooden sign

 

Let’s do some of these now, shall we?

I think it’s about that time…

And besides, they are one of my favorite parts of the show!

 

Showing Off

Si Vis

Silence

simplicity

simpsons

Sissyness

Size

Skateboard

skeptical

Ski Lit

Skill Checks

Skill Demolitions

Skittles

Slacking Off

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Okay, this really cracked me up!  Sent to me by Leah!  And this is just as I got it:

We got a notice from Don’s Union, they had paid on a medical bill for a year ago!

We looked to see what it was for . . . .

Look to the left under Description of Services.

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He’s not going to the doctor alone ever again!

 

The real problem that I see, Leah, is that … if my math is right, after the insurance paid out, you paid out of pocket $17.38 for that Cock-Up.

I’m sorry …. I couldn’t help myself.

 

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Seeing how some people wear their masks, I now understand how contraceptives fail.

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I danced like no one was watching, but someone was watching and he thought I was having a seizure, and called an ambulance.

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Why is Colin Kaepernick allowed to

have an opinion, but

Drew Brees and Tim Tebow

are not?

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This one is from Stephanie and all I can say is … DAMN!

What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won’t do what she’s told.
 

Please send all the hate mail to ….

LOL!

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I remember … but I’m old …

Actual Excerpts From Student Science Exam Papers”
1. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
2. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
3. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
4. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
5. Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
6. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
7. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you’re talking about.
8. A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
9. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
10. The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
11. When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
12. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
13. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
14. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
15. When you haven’t got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
16. It is a well-known fact that a deceased mind harms the body. (Just look around at some co-workers and you’ll find proof!–Aiken)
17. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
18. For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.

Thanks Stephanie … and I believe I’ve met each and every one of those people.

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My kind of bird!  Don’t let the man tell you what to do!

A man accused of theft was appearing before the Judge.
“Your Honor,” his lawyer said, “I feel it is very unfair for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in this city only a few days ago and barely knows his way around. What’s more, he is only able to speak a few words of English.”
The Judge looked sternly at the defendant and asked, “How much English do you speak?”
The defendant looked up and replied, “Give me your wallet!”

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Wow!  Now ain’t that cold blooded!

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Ummm …. ?  No, never mind …. Let’s watch and see what happens.

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I do kinda like the idea of the hourglass.  And it’s relatively inexpensive.  … Maybe I’ll bring it up to Mrs. Dragon.  Not now, mind you, but at another time.

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I was up really late last night making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind.  You’ll know how you are soon enough!!

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(Driving Test)

Instructor:  Turn the car on

Me:  Umm Ok  [rubbing the dash board] You like that?  Yeah you do, you filthy who-

Instructor:  Okay, we’re done here.

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And I think that’s an awesome place to stop.  I’ve got to go out and do some lawn work, so … that’s it until next time my dear friends.  Love and happiness to you all.  Thank you all for all your support.

Cheers.

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1796

DL

My Dear Campers,

I just want to say thanks for the outpouring of love that Mrs. Dragon and I have received from you all.  It has been overwhelmingly heart touching. Thank you all very much.

Impish and Mrs. Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dragon Laffs #1795

Fuck2020

00b

My Dear Campers,

It will probably be a few days before I can post again.  2020 seems to be the year that just keeps on giving.  On Monday we found out that Mrs. Dragon’s dear father passed away and is now back with his darling wife.  Although he lived a long full life, it was unexpected.  He went very gently in his sleep and I would have wanted nothing less for a wonderful father, grandfather, and great-grandfather.  He was never a father-in-law to me, but was always Dad and more importantly, he was my friend. 

So, my apologies to those of you who will be let down by the absence of Dragon Laffs.  I understand, truly I do and I will get back to you as soon as I can.  Because believe me when I tell you that this is as much for me, if not more so, than it is for you, but for now, the support of my dear wife comes first.

Love to you all.

Impish Dragon

1a

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