Dragon Laffs #1608

Bad Week

Good Morning Campers,

I’m sorry to do this, but I’m mad as hell and I have to.  I’m going to start today’s issue with a Dragon Rant2

Can somebody please tell me what in the holy hell is wrong with this world?  Another school shooting in Texas, with the benign euphemism of “mass shooting”. 

Please.2

Ten people murdered, nine of them children, all killed by another child.

What the hell is wrong with us that we all find this acceptable? 

Okay, so not acceptable, but not horrifying either.  Why are we not doing more to keep guns out of the hands of kids?  Kids, who have no concept of their own mortality, much less someone who has bullied them or picked on them or not gone out with them or any of the myriad of “life ending” problems that teenagers deal with on a weekly or even daily basis.

Remember when you were a teenager?  All hormones and prickly edges?  If a girl smiled in the same room as us, we were unable to speak for 17.5 minutes and all it took for one of the jocks or bullies to pick on us was a day that ended in the letter Y.

But, those of us who had access to firearms would never THINK of taking one to school to settle things, because we KNEW what they could do and how to properly handle them.  So, why didn’t we teach that to our kids?  And don’t think for even a second that it isn’t our fault. 

Because it is.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying it’s YOUR fault, or my fault for that matter since my kids KNOW gun safety, but it is OUR fault, as in OUR generation’s fault.  This whole me, me, me mentality and the entitlement generation and the “gonna get me some” thought.  The idea that it is alright to take a gun to settle an argument, or to stop a bully.  Why are we even letting our kids pick on other of our kids?  If I found out my kid was bullying I WOULD KICK HIS ASS.  But no, what we do instead is to say, “oh not my little angel.”  Little Angel my left butt cheek!

The mean ones are REALLY man and the weak ones are pussies!  Okay, so here it is, really simple.  Here’s how to fix the problem.  And we can fix it right here and right now.  I am a full supporter of the 2nd amendment.  I may not own an AR, but if I could afford one I would.  And in answer to the quite legitimate question posed by Mr. Matthew Walther in his excellent essay on the website The Week (http://theweek.com/articles/774000/how-america-normalized-murder-schoolchildren) entitled “How America normalized the murder of schoolchildren”.  He postulates that the owners of AR-15s should be able to explain why they need those types of weapons without falling back on the “excuse” of the second amendment.  Well, without getting into the obvious argument in regards to the legitimacy of the second amendment, I can say that the primary reason for owning such a firearm is the same reason that the left wants to take those weapons away from us.  Because those are combat weapons and they must take them from us before they can take everything else away from us.  By holding on to them, we keep the wanna-be despots a tiny bit more honest than if we didn’t have them.

Call it a deterrent force.

But that leads us right to the first step in controlling and fixing this issue of the school shootings. 

Step #1: Parents and adults, lock your fucking guns up!  And keep the keys secured, too.  What the hell is wrong with you?  You don’t own a GUN until you own a GUN LOCKER!!!

Step #2: Teachers and school people, open your eyes!  This bullying crap is going on right under your noses and the school administrators are lying about it.  Indiana schools reported some of the lowest bullying numbers ever and every parent knows how much bullshit that is, so much so that the local news actually ran a story on it.  Step up and do what’s right.  If you need to walk the kids through a metal detector and search them every day then that’s what you have to do until this problem is fixed!

Step #3: Back to you parents again, stop raising victims!  Do you tease your kids?  Pick on them from an early age to toughen up their skin?  Or do you encourage their siblings to stop their teasing because everyone should love everyone and float off over the rainbow in sweetness and light?  I call bullshit!  I don’t mean to abuse your kids, but toughen them up!  It might be nice to think like a hippie and peace and love and all that crap.  I’m a child of the 70’s, I understand the thought process, BUT, THAT IS NOT THE WORLD WE LIVE IN!!!!!!!  And parents, if another parent contacts you and tells you that your kid is bullying another kid either online or in the real world, take it seriously and let them know that the wrath of hell will rain down on them if they don’t stop, and then DO IT! when they don’t believe you, which they won’t the first time, and maybe even the 4th or 6th time if you’ve been a wussie parent and had been phoning it in all this time.

Step #3a:  Snoop, spy, check on, follow up with, peek…check their phone, their laptop, their tablet, their online history.  create fake Facebook personalities or snap chat or anything else you need to and befriend them on line. And pay attention!

And no, I don’t think that’s wrong.

And yes, I am being unfair to some of you parents, and some of you teachers and administrators and you know what?  Who cares!  If you are one of the minority of parents, teachers, etc. who ARE doing the right thing, then of course, THIS DOESN’T APPLY TO YOU.  And don’t become defensive on behalf of the other parents, teachers….yada, yada… because there are good and bad in all paths of life.  And I know that not everyone is perfect, just ask my kids, they’ll tell you what and fill you in, but I’m trying.  And I’m engaged, and if you’re kids are pissed off at you over something then you aren’t trying hard enough.

And if you ARE pissed off at me anyway, too damn bad, because I’m pissed off at the continued murdered children, and if you are still pissed off, then I only have one thing for you…
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And with that rant off my chest….at least for a little while…then…
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For all the young ladies thinking of getting a tattoo…
REMEMBER –
When you get older a butterfly on the back becomes a buzzard in the crack.

Cow quack

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Today, Friday, a boy in a 7th grade class in Noblesville, Indiana … about 50 miles from here…asked to be excused from class and returned with 2 hand guns and shot a 13 year-old girl.  His teacher intervened and stopped the boy and got shot 3 times himself.  Abdomen, hip, and somewhere else that I can’t remember and am too friggin’ tired to look back up.  (Forearm) The teacher is a hero and definitely kept this horrible incident from becoming something worse than what it was.  The girl is still in critical condition and of course, because of the ages, no names or anything have been released.  The teacher will be okay, he is in stable condition and is talking to his family.

Several of the men and women I work with have children who attend this school and it has been a long, very difficult day.  There really isn’t anything that I can add that I didn’t already say at the beginning.

I was going to come home from work and finish this post.  (it’s 11 pm on Friday).  That was the plan yesterday.  Then I spent the night Thursday taking care of Mrs. Dragon (that’s another story for another time)  and ended up getting a little less than 2 hours sleep.  I got home from work about 330 and was asleep by 335. 

Izzy dragon, bless her heart, woke me about 930 pm and told me that her mom was asking for me, so I got up and took care of her and realized I had no energy or the proper frame of mind to do anything funny tonight.  Therefore you guys are getting this long winded explanation to say that I’m sorry that this is not your usual issue.

I’m not sure how much longer I can keep doing this ezine.  Life is definitely getting in the way of living.  But, I won’t abandon you guys without first letting you know what’s going on. 

Please, please, please join me in offering prayers to God for all the poor people involved in these school shootings, may God Bless them and bring them peace.  Please pray that the children involved across our country come to their senses, that the adults learn to be parents, that the teachers and administrators of all schools realize that it could happen at their school at anytime and that they need to do what needs to be done.

They JUST released the name of the student and the teacher.  Mr. Jason Seaman (29 years old) was the teacher and is being lauded as a hero, as he should be, and many of the students interviewed on the news.  He and his family released the following statement:

“I want to let everyone know that I was injured but am doing great.  To all the students, you are all wonderful and I thank you for your support.  You are the reason I teach.”

What a hero.

7th grade kids.  12 and 13 year-olds. What the fuck? 

They are interviewing children!  I’ve got to go campers.  Until we talk again.  My love to you all.

I.D.

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1607

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Good Morning Campers,

It’s been an amazingly busy week!  And to top it off, the rest of the shop went out of town on Friday and won’t be back until next Friday AND I’m working this weekend.  So, Long story short, I NEED TO LAUGH!!!

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This is an interesting article:

Back in the day when America was in the “Big War” WWII, these planes were flown by young boys. Politically correct was go to war to break things and kill the enemy. Apparently no one worried about nose art on the bombers.

BTW. More airmen died in WWII than Marines

At the bottom after the pictures there are amazing stats re the Army Air Corps in WWII. This is the important part of the email…

Probably would not be allowed to leave the ground today As someone who still works with the “Big Jets” that still have nose art or ladder door art or any other kind of art I can tell you for SURE that these would not be allowed today.  Because, “my God, what would the ‘PUBLIC’ think?!”  My answer to that is, “Who gives a damn what the public thinks?”  Until that “PUBLIC” goes into harms way, they don’t deserve an opinion.  If you ask any active military or veteran and I’m 100% positive that a large majority would see absolutely nothing wrong with it.  Although I believe the females may have different art in mind.  (Even though the last hour of searching didn’t reveal any.)

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Do what?  I wonder…

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Chicago Style Pizza Pussy…

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She’s such a nice Irish Lass….

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Aren’t they all?

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Again, aren’t they all?

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Everything’s bigger in Texas…

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I’m very interested in MY own.

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IZA Probably True!!

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If that is a picture of one of the Hags, I’m gonna have to visit this Harderwyk place

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Why would anyone bail out?

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Well, I gave up on silly comments about half way through, so let’s just press on with the rest of the article.

Almost 1,000  Army planes disappeared en route from the US to foreign locations.  But an  eye-watering 43,581 aircraft were lost overseas including 22,948 on combat missions (18,418 against the Western Axis) and 20,633 attributed to non-combat  causes overseas.

In a single 376  plane raid in August 1943, 60 B-17s were shot down That was a 16 percent loss  rate and meant 600 empty bunks in England .  In 1942-43 it was  statistically impossible for bomber crews to complete a 25-mission tour in  Europe .
Pacific theatre  losses were far less (4,530 in combat) owing to smaller forces  committed..  The worst B-29 mission, against Tokyo on May 25, 1945, cost  26 Superfortresses, 5.6 percent of the 464 dispatched from the Marianas..
On average, 6,600 American servicemen died per month during WWII, about 220 a  day. By the end of the war, over 40,000 airmen were killed in combat theatres and another 18,000 wounded.  Some 12,000 missing men were declared dead, including a number “liberated” by the Soviets but never returned.  More  than 41,000 were captured, half of the 5,400 held by the Japanese died in  captivity, compared with one-tenth in German hands.   Total combat casualties were pegged at 121,867.
US manpower made up the deficit.  The AAF’s peak strength was reached in 1944 with  2,372,000 personnel, nearly twice the previous year’s figure.
The losses were huge—but so were production totals.  From 1941 through 1945, American  industry delivered more than 276,000 military aircraft. That number was enough not only for US Army, Navy and Marine Corps, but for allies as diverse as Britain, Australia, China and Russia.  In fact, from 1943 onward, America produced more planes than Britain and Russia combined  And more than Germany and Japan together 1941-45.
However, our  enemies took massive losses.  Through much of 1944, the Luftwaffe sustained uncontrolled hemorrhaging, reaching 25 percent of aircrews and 40  planes a month. And in late 1944 into 1945, nearly half the pilots in  Japanese squadrons had flown fewer than 200 hours.  The disparity of two years before had been completely reversed.

Experience  Level:
Uncle Sam sent  many of his sons to war with absolute minimums of training. Some fighter pilots entered combat in 1942 with less than one hour in their assigned  aircraft.
The 357th  Fighter Group (often known as The Yoxford Boys) went to England in late 1943 having trained on P-39s.   The group never saw a Mustang until shortly before its first combat mission.
A high-time P-51 pilot had 30 hours in type.  Many had fewer than five hours.  Some had one hour.
With arrival of new aircraft, many combat units transitioned in combat.  The attitude was, “They all have a stick and a throttle.  Go fly “em.” When the famed 4th Fighter Group converted from P-47s to P-51s in February 1944, there was no time to stand down for an orderly transition.
The Group commander, Col. Donald Blakeslee, said, “You can learn to fly `51s on the way to the target.
A future P-47 ace said, “I was sent to England to die.”  He was not alone.
Some fighter pilots tucked their wheels in the well on their first combat mission with one previous flight in the aircraft.  Meanwhile, many bomber crews were still learning their trade:  of Jimmy Doolittle’s 15 pilots on the April 1942 Tokyo raid, only five had won their wings before 1941.
All but one of the 16 copilots were less than a year out of flight school..
In WWII flying safety took a back seat to combat.  The AAF’s worst accident rate was recorded by the A-36 Invader version of the P-51: a staggering 274 accidents  per 100,000 flying hours.
Next worst were the P-39 at 245, the  P-40 at 188, and the P-38 at 139.  All were Allison powered
Bomber wrecks were fewer but more expensive.  The B-17 and B-24 averaged 30 and 35 accidents per 100,000 flight hours, respectively– a horrific figure considering that from 1980 to 2000 the Air Force’s major mishap rate was less than 2.
The B-29 was even worse at 40; the world’s most sophisticated, most capable and most  expensive bomber was too urgently needed to stand down for mere safety reasons.. The AAF set a reasonably high standard for B-29 pilots, but the desired figures were seldom attained.
The original cadre of the 58th Bomb Wing was to have 400 hours of multi-engine time, but  there were not enough experienced pilots to meet the criterion.  Only ten percent had overseas experience.  Conversely, when a $2.1 billion B-2  crashed in 2008, the Air Force initiated a two-month “safety pause” rather than declare a “stand down”, let alone grounding.
The B-29 was no better for maintenance. Though the R3350 was known as a complicated,  troublesome power-plant, no more than half the mechanics had previous experience with the Duplex Cyclone.   But they made it work.

Navigators:
Perhaps the greatest unsung success story of AAF training was Navigators.
The Army graduated some 50,000 during the War.  And many had never flown out of sight of land before leaving “Uncle Sugar” for a war zone.  Yet the huge majority found their way across oceans and continents without getting lost or running out of fuel — a stirring tribute to the AAF’s educational establishments.

Cadet To Colonel:
It was possible for a flying cadet at the time of Pearl Harbor to finish the war with eagles on his shoulders.  That was the record of John D Landers, a 21-year-old Texan, who was commissioned a second lieutenant on December 12, 1941.  He joined his combat squadron with 209 hours total flight time, including 2 in P-40s.  He finished the war as a full colonel, commanding an 8th Air Force Group — at age 24.
As the training pipeline filled up, however those low figures became exceptions.
By early 1944, the average AAF fighter pilot entering combat had logged at least 450 hours, usually including 250 hours in training.  At the same time, many captains  and first lieutenants claimed over 600 hours.

FACT:
At its height in mid-1944, the Army Air Forces had 2.6 million people and nearly 80,000 aircraft of all types.
Today the US Air Force employs 327,000 active personnel (plus 170,000 civilians) with 5,500+ manned and perhaps 200 unmanned aircraft.
The 2009 figures represent about 12 percent of the manpower and 7 percent of the airplanes of the WWII peak.

IN  SUMMATION:
Whether there will ever be another war like that experienced in 1940-45 is doubtful, as fighters and bombers have given way to helicopters and remotely-controlled drones over Afghanistan and Iraq .  But within living memory, men left the earth in 1,000-plane formations and fought major battles five miles high,  leaving a legacy that remains timeless.

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A woman went to the doctor for advice.  She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

“Do you enjoy it?” the doctor asked.

“Actually, yes I do,” she answered.

“Does it hurt you?” he asked.

“No, I rather like it,” she responded.

“Well then,” the doctor continued, “There’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.”

The woman was mystified.  “What?  You can get pregnant from anal sex?”

“Of course,” the doctor replied.  “Where do you think people like Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, Elizabeth Warren, Barbara Boxer, Hillary Clinton, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, and Al Sharpton came from?”

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A weasel walks into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, “Wow! In all my years tending bar, I’ve never had a weasel stop by.  What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, “Notice anything different?”

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A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist.

She asked, “Do you have Viagra?”

“Yes,” he answered.

She asked, “Does it work?”

“Yes”, he answered.

“Can you get it over the counter?” she asked.

“I can if I take two.”

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Damn.

You know, there are so many scams on the internet now-a-days.  I’ll tell you what, as a friend, send me $19.95 and I’ll tell you how to avoid them.

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So, one way to find out if you are old or not is to fall down in front of a lot of people.  If they laugh, you’re still young.  If they panic and start running toward you to help, you’re old.

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My missus is pissed off with me again.

Last night, while she was fast asleep, I gently removed her tampax and replaced it with a party popper leaving the string hanging out.

I’m telling you!!!

That woman’s got no fucking sense of humor at all!

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Comments made in the year 1955!

 

‘I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $10.00.‘

‘Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t Be long before $1,000.00 will only buy a used one.’

‘If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit; 20 cents A pack is ridiculous.‘

‘Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents Just to mail a letter.’

‘If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to Hire outside help at the store.’

‘When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would Someday cost 25 cents a gallon.  Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.’

‘I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they Let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in ‘GONE WITH THE WIND’, It seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.’

 

‘I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put A man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some Fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.’

‘Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President.

‘It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few Married women are having to work to make ends meet.

‘It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire Someone to watch their kids so they can both work.’

‘Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government Takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are Electing the best people to government.’

‘The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, But I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.’

‘There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend. It Costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.’

‘No one can afford to be sick anymore. At $15.00 a day in The hospital, it’s too rich for my blood.’

If they think I’ll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it.’

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When It Comes to Sex

– Accountants do it with Double Entry.
– Bankers do it with interest.
– Bartenders do it ‘on the Rocks’ — except when done ‘neat..’
– Bookkeepers do it for the record.
– Chess players check their Mates.
– Do it with bankers, but most of them are tellers.
– Engineers do it to specifications and a first-order approximation.
– Gardeners do it in the bushes, but keep things trimmed for it.
– Golfers do it in 18 holes.
– Housewives do it almost daily, then weekly, then monthly, and finish up annually — a birthday present for her hubby!
– Journalists do it for Times.
– Laborers do it for time-and-a-half, after working hours, but before clocking out.

And dragons do it with fire!  And baby, it’s hot!

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And with that, that’s it.  I hope and pray you are all having a much better week than I am. Cheers!

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Dragon Laffs #1606–Mother’s Day Issue

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Good Morning Mom, Mothers, Sons and Daughters of Mothers, and all of you campers… although that last was unnecessary since everyone should fall into the other categories… I hope you are having a truly wonderful day.

So…tomorrow is Mother’s Day.  And I want to take the opportunity to tell you all…

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So, with that, let’s laugh a little with our moms…

Happy Mother's Day

mom

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mothers day 1

mothers day dragon

mothers day fantasy

Mothers Day

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mothersdayCLR

HAPPY-~1

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I told my psychiatrist that I’ve been hearing voices.

He told me that I don’t have a psychiatrist.

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And speaking of psychiatrists, I love reading the vanity cards at the end of Chuck Lorre’s shows like The Big Bang Theory or Young Sheldon.  Here’s the latest:

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #264

A guy goes into a dentist’s office. The dentist says, “How can I help you?”

The guy says, “I’m a moth.”

The dentist says, “Excuse me?”

The guy says again, “I’m a moth.”

The dentist says, “I think maybe you should be seeing a psychiatrist, not a dentist.”

The guy says, “I saw a psychiatrist.”

The dentist says, “So what are you doing here?”

The guy says…

(SEE PUNCH LINE IN VANITY CARD #265 AT END OF TONIGHT’S EPISODE OF THE BIG BANG THEORY)

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #265



“Your light was on.”

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Why is it called boob sweat and not humidititties?

 

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“Mom Brain” is like dial up internet.  There are 17 tabs open, 9 of them are not responding, there are thousands of pop ups and where the fuck is that music coming from?

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Me: I can’t Salsa Dance.
Alcohol: Oh, yes you fucking can.

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I’d like to think I will die a heroic death, but it’s more likely I’ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

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So I was just wondering…does 3 glasses of wine and 2 Bloody Marys equal 5 servings of fruits and vegetables?

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I want to go jogging in the morning, but Proverbs 28:1 says, “The wicked runs when no one is chasing them.” So, there goes that.

So, in closing, I’d like to share some recent vacation photos with you.  2c2dAnd despite evidence to the contrary, I had nothing to do with the volcano!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and that all you mothers have a great day!  I love you, mom!

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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Dragon Laffs #1605

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http://play.starwars.com/html5/starwars_crawlcreator/?cid=null

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Yesterday was Star Wars Day, and if that black spot above works the way I hope it does, then you will already know this…if it doesn’t, well it was just an hour or so of my time that was wasted by building it.

Anyway, May 4th…Star Wars Day…May the 4th Be With You.

What an odd week.  The week started out like the picture to the right, Spring came in more like winter than it did spring, but now, at the end of the week, we are coming in with temperatures in the 80s…so, what

I’m sitting here writing this opening on Friday morning, I took the day off because Mrs. Dragon and I are both pretty sick…with temps in the 30s over night and in the 80s in the day time, is it really any wonder?  Anyway, I’m watching TBS and they are showing the Star War movies, in chronological order, rather than order of creation.  Currently I’m watching Revenge of the Sith and next will be the original Star Wars movie, Episode IV, A New Hope.  The only way it could be better is if there were no commercials.

So, while I go back to that yesterday (for you) you campers go ahead and start laughing (tomorrow for me).

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A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks.

As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in. He says, “What’s this?”

She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.”

He turns beet red in horror and goes, “Geez, oh . . . I . . .”

She says, “Yeah, he’s too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.”

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I love this next one.  Yes, it’s nerd humor, but if you haven’t figured that out about me by now, then it’s your problem.

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I’m still laughing.

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Three tourists were driving through Wales.

As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyll on the Welsh island of Anglesey, They started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name.

“LLan-fair-poo-wee…” said the first.

“No no – it’s llan-fair-pi-well…” argued the second.

“I think we need to ask a local about this,” the third sighed.

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They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, the third asked the blonde employee:

“Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?”

“Sure!” said the girl behind the counter. She leaned toward them and said: “Burrrrr-gerrrrr-Kinnnnng.”

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Hey!  It’s a better one than ours!  Ours is gimme three-quarters of your stuff!

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Ginny sent me this note:

“I tried the Japanese method of decluttering where you hold every object that you own and if it does not bring you joy, you throw it away.  So far, I have thrown out all of the vegetables, my bra, the electric bill, the scale, a mirror and my treadmill.”

You go Ginny!

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This is the way I wish to live my life, so that someone can write this about me…

Thanks for being the kind of friend who will laugh during the eulogy at my funeral because you knew the Real Story.

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“A Wine, Please.”

“Ma’am, this is McDonald’s.”

“Ok, a McWine, Please.”

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While sitting in the park the other day, a kid informed me that smoking was bad for you.

So, I popped his balloon with my cigar and told him so was talking to strangers.

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I just choked on an apple seed.
This is what I get for trying to eat healthy.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups don’t pull this shit.

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Some people couldn’t be nice even if a unicorn shoved a fairy wand up their ass while Judy Garland stood there singing “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.”

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I was walking in the mall and I saw that there was a Muslim bookstore.The sign outside led me to wonder just what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore, so I went in. As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk gave me the stink eye, but asked if he could help me.  I know I didn’t look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?”

The clerk said, “Kiss my ass, get out, and stay Out!”

I said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”

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And we’ll finish up today with a special note from Mrs. Dragon…

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Oh, shit!

100d (3)

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Dragon Laffs #1604

 

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Well, another week is in the record book.  They sure do seem to be piling up quickly. It has been a long, tedious week.  I don’t have anything to talk about this morning, but I’m sure by the time it’s all done, I’m sure you’ll be sick and tired of me.

So, let’s get started.

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Let’s everyone give a round of applause to Ginny for finding out the true explanation of life…and here it is:

Life On The Front Porch
On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking.  How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” 
And God said that it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.” 

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God again said that it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”
And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?

“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me, I will be on the front porch.

 

Okay, wait a damn minute!!!!!! It says right there, “forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.” Forty years!  FORTY YEARS!!!  Somebody owes me some friggin’ years back!!!!

4395

What an absolutely touching story.  I just had to share it with you.  It’s called, “The Umbrella”

On a rainy afternoon, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the “evils” of America. I politely declined to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman’s shoulder and in a patronizing voice said, “Don’t you care about the children of Iraq?”
The old woman looked up at her and said: “Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in Vietnam.
All three died so a naive, ignorant, self-centered bimbo like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country, and if you touch me again, I’ll shove this umbrella up your ass and open it.”

4396

So, I just read where “America’s Dad” Bill Cosby was found guilty of 3 counts of sexual assault and can face 30 years in prison.  He’s 80 year’s old.  Put this dude in prison and five years will probably be a life sentence.  I think it’s too easy.  I think he ought to be treated the same way he treated those women.  Oh wait.  He’s going to prison.  He WILL be treated the same way as those women…..without the benefit of the drugs.

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Gawd!  That was bloody awful!  I’m really sorry.

4398

I have to stop saying, “How stupid can you be?”  I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.

4399

If you mated a Bulldog and a Shitzu would it be called a Bullshit?

4401

It’s just a matter of time before they add the word “Syndrome” after my last name.

4402

Very interesting observation…

It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet…nobody was married.  Here are the single people that come to mind: Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T. Bass, the Darlin family, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara…in fact, the only one married was Otis and he stayed drunk.

4403

God was sitting in heaven one day when a scientist said to Him, “God, we don’t need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing – in other words, we can now do what you did in the beginning.”

“Oh, is that so? Tell Me…” replies God.

“Well,” says the scientist, “we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man.”

“Well, that’s very interesting…show Me.”

So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil into the shape of a man.

“No, no, no…” interrupts God, “Get your own dirt.”

4404

So this next one comes with a disclaimer… You’ll figure it out.

My old Grandpa said to me, “Son, there comes a time in every man’s life when he stops4400 bustin’ knuckles and starts bustin’ caps and usually it’s when he becomes too old to take a whoopin’.”

 

I don’t carry a gun to kill people; I carry a gun to keep from being killed.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I’m evil; I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the World.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I hate the government; I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I’m angry; I carry a gun so that I don’t have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be prepared.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I want to shoot someone; I carry a gun because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed and not on a sidewalk somewhere tomorrow afternoon

 

4453I don’t carry a gun to make me feel like a man; I carry a gun because men know how to take care of themselves and the ones they love.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I feel inadequate; I carry a gun because unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.

 

I don’t carry a gun because I love it; I carry a gun because I love life and the people who make it meaningful to me.

 

Police protection is an oxymoron: Free citizens must protect themselves because police do not protect you from crime; they just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up the mess.

4452

Now, anyone who’s read this e-zine for any length of time at all KNOWS how I feel about the police, my brothers in blue.  I don’t say the last paragraph lightly or derogatorily, but it still is true.  The police do not have the manpower to be everywhere every time.  They can only do what they can do.  It is up to the rest of us to do what we have to do to protect ourselves from the evil in the world.  Like this next little history lesson…and don’t think for a moment, that it can’t happen here!!

 

In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control:

From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated

In 1911, Turkey established gun control:

From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Germany established gun control in 1938:

From 1939 to 1945, a total of 13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated.

China established gun control in 1935:

From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Guatemala established gun control in 1964:

From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Uganda established gun control in 1970:

From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Cambodia established gun control in 1956:

From 1975 to 1977, one million educated people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.   

56 million defenseless people were rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control.   

You won’t see this data on the US evening news, or hear politicians disseminating this information.

 

Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect only the law-abiding citizens.

 

With guns, we are ‘citizens’; without them, we are ‘subjects’.

 

During WW II, the Japanese decided not to invade America because they knew most Americans were ARMED! Gun owners in the USA are the largest armed force in the World!  If you value your freedom, please spread this anti-gun control message to all of your  friends.

 

The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense.

 

The sword is more important than the shield and skill is more important than either.

 

SWITZERLAND ISSUES A GUN TO EVERY HOUSEHOLD! SWITZERLAND’S GOVERNMENT ISSUES AND TRAINS EVERY ADULT IN THE USE OF A RIFLE.  SWITZERLAND HAS THE LOWEST GUN RELATED CRIME RATE OF ANY CIVILIZED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!!

 

IT’S A NO BRAINER!  DON’T LET OUR GOVERNMENT WASTE MILLIONS OF OUR TAX DOLLARS IN AN  EFFORT TO MAKE ALL LAW-ABIDING CITIZENS AN EASY TARGET.

4405

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a palm reader’s table.

The mysterious woman said: “For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future.”

Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said: “I can see that you have no girlfriend.”

“That’s true,” said Paul.

“Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Paul shamefully admitted. “That’s amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?”

“Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters

4406

Sucks getting old.

After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date.

Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said: “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”

“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”

4407

In a recent survey carried out for the leading toiletries firm ‘Brut’, people from Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.

 

In the survey, 86% of Chicago’s inner city residents (almost all of whom are registered Democrats) say that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.

 

 

 

The other 14% said they hadn’t been to prison yet.

4454

I would love to sit here and continue to write, quip, share pictures, jokes and fun…but alas, the days are not long enough and they stack up way too quickly.

So, my friends, until next week.

Cheers, Impish Dragon

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