Dragon Laffs #1961

Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to Thursday.  I’m time traveling right now because for me, it’s only Monday.  So, here I am, peeking into the future, and I foresee … a lot of laughter.  I’ve got a puppy asleep on the couch beside me and some 70’s rock playing on the stereo beside me, what could possibly be better than that?

Other than that, for now, I’ve got nothing to get started with this morning, so let’s get this party started with some laughter

Just a couple of pictures of hard working dragons and their friends.

Today I asked a kindergartner if Friday was his favorite day of the week and his response was, “I don’t know.  I don’t know a lot of things.   I’m confused all the time.” 

Same, little man.  Same.

Okay, this is just too damn funny not to share.  Thanks to Stephanie for sending this along. https://www.facebook.com/100003980143916/posts/2155179651291352/?sfnsn=mo

I can’t imagine that George was unhappy with the public posting of his…um…skills.

Walmart is giving out free turkeys to anyone who can outrun security.

And I hope all you left wing snowflakes are happy now.

‘That Boy Was Fake-Crying!’ Says Man

Who Bursts Into Tears Whenever Someone

Lightly Brushes His Elbow

Well, you can’t “buy” a dragon.  The best you can hope for is to win the “favor” of a dragon.  And if that fails, well, we call those people “lunch”.

I’m truly impressed.

Impish Dragon in a “Mood”  I’ll find the bastard who’s been taking our picture…

I’m fairly certain that the person who put the first r in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly?  I feel that way about far too many people.

Some people won’t admit their faults. 

I would, if I had any.

Oh, come on!  Think about it for a minute…

Do I really need to tell you? 

Okay, I’m going to give you the answer in…

3…

2…

1..

Okay, it’s…

What in Tar Nation. 

Get it? 

What in tarnation…  

Well, I thought it was funny.

I’ve got PMS, OCD, and ADD.  I want to cry and look pretty while I kill everyone, but I can’t focus on that right now, I’m cleaning.

And you ladies wonder why us guys say we don’t understand you.

Things I have in common with the Victoria’s Secret Models:  

1.  Being hungry

Taking time out to get a drink, while hunting for the damn photographer.

All I want for Christmas is to be off the extended car warranty call list.

Let’s take a look at some mail:

This first one is from Leah D: 

You are one lucky fella to get a surgery done so fast . . . . believe me, the docs here are booked out to Feb & Mar of 2022.
But then, Utah is one of the 5 states with the highest covid numbers, so maybe it’s not like that in other states.
Another benefit of getting it done before the end of the year, means you can claim the expenses on your taxes, get your money back faster.
Of course, to do that you need to have paid for it in 2021 . . . so, I think we need to start a pay it forward account, which I don’t know how to do, so is there anyone out there who can?
Or maybe, start a pay per laff tax?

Well Leah, the best reason to have it done before the end of the year is that I’ve already paid my deductible for the year on my insurance, but the co-pays are going to be killer.  I have no idea what a “pay it forward” account is and I won’t charge for Dragon Laffs.  So, it looks like the Dragon Family is getting a hip replacement for Christmas this year and like most Americans, will pay for it over the next several months.  LOL.  But, thanks for the thoughts. 

This one is from Bob M. who says: 

My doc said I would need hip surgery next year, I told them to forget it. I live alone, am 88 years old and have no intention of going to a convalescent home, that would be like jail to me and also my dog would not like it.   

Bob, I can’t say that I blame you.  I think if I wasn’t still working I probably would just put up with the pain and get along with using a cane.  But, it’s kind of embarrassing when, after teaching one class and half way through the second class of the day, which puts me on my feet on a concrete floor for about 6 hours and my hip collapses and I just about fall, but catch myself on one of the students desk and I have to make a joke about tripping over the seeing eye dog … well, it’s time to get something done.  But in your case, Bob.  As long as your safe, then by all means, you do you. 

And finally, this one is from Stephanie: 

Good morning. I’m on the hunt for whoever is taking pics.
Am I the only one who looks at crypto (bitcoin) and thinks of tulips? People went nuts and spent fortunes on them, until people realized they were flowers and reproduced. Now, crypto doesn’t even have the actuality that tulips had. Crypto is an electron. Electrons are everywhere. They are not rare. They do not exist in a form that can be handled or seen.
What am I missing? 

Hunting is good.  Whichever of us finds the bastard, lets the other know, and we’ll have a little fun with … oh, I guess I shouldn’t say anything here, then the whole “premeditated” thing can be brought up.  Anyway, I think the whole crypto-currency thing is nothing more than an attempt to bring us to one-world currency, one-world government, etc.  It’s all part of the same thing.  But, that’s just my opinion.  I also think it’s an invented geek thing, and only being a partial geek, I don’t really get it.  Maybe one of our more nerdy geek campers out there can fill us in or give us a more informed answer.

“If you choose not to find joy in the snow, you will have less joy in your life but still the same amount of snow.”

The speed in which a woman says, “nothing” when asked, “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the coming storm.

Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.

When I first moved into my house it was haunted by a poltergeist, so I just walked around naked for a week and it never came back.

My death will probably be caused by being sarcastic at the wrong time.

The secret Republican plot to make Liberals look like idiots, known as “Operation: Just Let Them Speak” is working!

Protect your children against Liberalism.

————————————————- 

Teach them that they are NOT entitled to the property and efforts of others.

San Francisco just banned E-Cigarettes. 

You can still shoot up heroin and shit in the streets though.

My boss asked me to take an anger management class this year.  I told him I’m angry enough with management as it is.

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 4:45, that’s November.

I just found out the neighborhood had a meeting about the crazy person on the block. 

It’s weird that they didn’t invite me.

It’s sad that some of us have fallen to such low ranks.

I just saw a person reading my Favorite Book…it’s as if a book was recommending a Person.

Man, how true is that?!  If I saw someone reading one of my favorite books, I would immediately think better of that person.  He could ultimately turn out to be a serial killer, but before I found that out, I would think he was a good person, just based on his choice of books.

 

Autocorrect changed “Morning Run” to “Morning Rum”

… Change of plans, guys.

What is the best way to watch a fish tournament? 

Live stream.

I’m not a morning person or a night person.  There are a few minutes in the afternoon where I’m decent and that’s about it.

Do not drink and wrap presents. 

Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I’m gonna need that back.

If you identify a UFO as a UFO, then it becomes and FO.  Unless it has landed, then it’s simply an O.

And with that image stuck firmly in your head until next time.  May your days be filled with happiness and laughter, love and peace, and more laughter.

 

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Dragon Laffs #1960

Good Morning Campers,

And what a beautiful morning it is!  I’m writing this on Saturday morning.  You are probably still reading Saturday’s episode while I’m writing Monday’s issue.  I’m writing and getting this done since I’m going to be gone all day tomorrow (Sunday) visiting with my Son, Daughter-in-law, and Grandkids.  So, I’m looking forward to that. 

We actually got a warning last night on our phones.  I didn’t see it until I got up this morning, but I had to laugh.  It said something to the effect of: The snow shower will begin at 1:27 am and will continue for next few hours and will be light in nature.  So, when I saw that this morning when I got up at 7 am, I thought, Oh cool!  The first snow of the year!  I can’t wait to see what Willow Dragon thinks of her very first snow!  But there was no snow.  My phone lied to me.

Anyway, that’s going on.  I didn’t hear anything about scheduling any of my surgeries, so still waiting on that.  I’ll let you know when I hear something.  So, in the meantime, let’s get some laughter going and we can talk about other things as we go along. 

I crossed a snowman and a vampire. 

Got frostbite

Every year there is a race form one side of Sweden to the other. 

They start at the Norwegian Line and end up at the Finnish Line.

Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet? 

Because he was always lost at C.

When Satan goes bald, there will be Hell toupee. 

Where’s the guy with the whiskey bottle?  Can I have him instead?

You know, as a guy who looks at emergency plans for a living, this is not the worst one I’ve seen.

If I could be any superhero, I would be aluminum-man…

My super power would be foiling crime.

Dammit, Stephanie!  Who keeps taking pictures of us!  And then posting them?  I haven’t gotten any blackmail messages, have you?

The two hardest things in life

1.  Saying hello for the first time.

2.  Saying goodbye for the last time.

Husband:  When I die, I’d like to die having sex.  

Wife:  At least we know it’ll be quick!

Armed and dangerous.  Trust me.

My son asked if a punch bowl is where you keep the names of people you want to punch. 

I usually keep them in my head, but, storing them in decorative crystal seems really classy.

Guys, I need your help!  This is important!  I’m in the middle of an argument with my wife and she just told me that I’m right. 

What the hell do I do now?

Time to change things up a bit.  This is a little bit behind, but not too much nor too late.  This is from Pete.  Friggin’ Pete, if you will.  And is worth repeating here:

No jokes here, just a very heartfelt “Thank You” to all the Men and Women who stand between this Country’s believes, ideals, and rights and those throughout our history who have endeavored to take them away. Men like my Father, Sherman Healey, who went to war to defend this country, and Men like my Brother, Jon Healey who stood ready for thirty year to do so, both ready and willing to give their lives for the protection of the ones they loved. And especially to those Men and Women and their Families who have given their lives in that protection and to those who are still giving today!

Because Of this, the citizens of this great land have the right to climb onto any old soapbox and declare: our President is wrong, our country is wrong, and the Brave Heroes who earned this right for them are wrong. I also have the right to climb onto my soapbox and declare my appreciation to these same Brave Heroes, past, present, and future who put their blood and lives on the line day in and day out. These men and women who have fought, bled and died for their countrymen to ensure, secure and protect the rights of our people to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness!!

Thank you!!

Thank you, Pete.  Very well said.  Very heartfelt.  Thank you for sharing that with us.  In that regard, this would be a good time to share part one of:

I say part one because in the 24 hours since I published the last list, I’ve actually gotten more than I had before, so I will probably end up with two parts today just to use up some of these incredible memes.  I’m sure most of you won’t mind.  I sure won’t, some of these are GREAT!!

That’s exactly what they are trying to do to our children in our schools right now.

This is a GREAT plan!  And then we should tax them on the Capital Gains Tax Plan!

What is right for you, may not be right for me. 

What is right for me, may not be right for you. 

But what is NOT right for either of us, is being stripped of the freedom to choose what is right for ourselves.

~ Anna Gala

That’s it for now.  I’ll share some more later.

And that was the last time I was asked to bring the cookies to the party.

A lady asks a question:  They are telling people, vaccinate or no job, but I haven’t heard anywhere, Vaccinate or no welfare; Vaccinate or no food stamps.  Are they not saying that or are we just not hearing that? 

I think that’s a damn good question.

And when I was a kid, they had a cure for it, it was called a spanking.

A Tip For Those of Us Who Work at Screens All Day:

1.  Unclench your jaw

2.  Twist your torso from side to side

3.  Arch backwards until you’re upside down with your hands and feet on the floor

4.  Laugh

5.  Spider crawl across the room

6.   Devour someone whole

7.  Haunt the witnesses

At my funeral I want a group of Italian guys to walk up to my coffin in all black suits and say, “I’m gonna miss ya boss.” so my family will think I had something big going on.

And to add something like, “And don’t worry about it.  We got da guys who got you.  It’s all taken care of.  Youse can rest in peace.”  It would have to fit the circumstances.  If you died of cancer, it could be, “We took care of the shitty sawbones who couldn’t cure youse.” or something like that.  It could be a LOT of fun at the funeral.  And probably wouldn’t cost that much to set up.  Hell, I probably know a couple of good old boys who’d do it just for the fun of it.

I REALLY HOPE AND PRAY THAT THE NEXT BIG TREND IN MUSIC IS TALENT!!

Well, if he was a real husband/man he would already be back home because he would have:

1.  KNOWN there was no such thing.

2.  If he thought there might have been such a thing, not been such a pussy that he couldn’t have ASKED someone who worked there for them and found out that there was no such a thing and that he was getting punked by his wife.

3.  Figured out a fun way to get her back by maybe buying a pack of maxi-pads and tampons and then gluing them together or something and telling his wife when he got home that this is what they gave him at the store.

Real men don’t have a problem going to the store for “feminine products” for their wives.

The Good News is I’ve made it to  my Golden Years. 

The Bad News is … there ain’t no gold.

Is this sign sending the wrong message?

Let’s do part two, shall we?  I really do have a lot of these things.  And I love it!

That’s a really good question.  Why ISN’T that the minimum payment?

Income Tax:  The fine you pay for being productive.

Welfare:  The reward you receive for being unproductive

And why are so many of those homeless US Citizens Military Veterans?  They were willing to give their lives for us and we can’t be bothered to give them a place to live?

The National Guard are not required to take the vaccine until June of 2022, yet they are the ones replacing the nurses in New York who have refused the shot. 

This is not about a virus.  The goal is to enact martial law and continue with the implementation of the New World Order and Socialism.

Or shitting your pants in front of the Pope.

FACT:  Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. 

You know who you are. 

Stop it!

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster, so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

And that’s it for today my friends.  Have a wonderful week.  Love and happiness to you all.

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Dragon Laffs #1959

Good Morning Campers,

So, you may be asking yourself, why is it that Impish is Jumping For Joy?  Well…not for any real good reason.  You could call it a sarcastic jump.  That would be fitting.  Got back from the surgeon’s office this morning (Thursday) and it was just like I said, the first words out of his mouth were, “So we are going to try and schedule your surgery for before the end of the year to get the insurance to pay for as much of this as possible.”  Gotta love that man.  So, there was no question even that I need a hip replacement.  When I mentioned my shoulder pain, he asked me which was bothering me more, I said the hip was probably more important since I stand on it most of the time and he agreed.  He moved my shoulder around a little bit and when I squeaked in pain he said, “Rotator cuff.  Want a shot?”  I said, “When?”  He said, “Right now.” I said, “Hell yes!”  So, I did come home with a little bit of relief today.

Anyway, the last time I had the right hip done, I was off for two weeks, and then on telework from home for four more weeks.  That wouldn’t break my heart at all right now.  So … we’ll see what happens.  The only truly bad part is the expense.  Not sure how I’m going to pay for it, but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  They’ll have to set up a payment plan for us or something, right?

Merry Christmas!  LOL!  Oh well, if it wasn’t this, it would be something else.  Let’s move on to the fun stuff, and not worry about tomorrow.  It will certainly come soon enough and take care of itself.

This is going to end very, very badly for someone.

I used to just crastinate, but I got so good, I went pro.

Someone said my clothes were gay.

I said, “Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning.”

Money

The most popular labor-saving device is still money. – Phyllis George

Successful investing takes time, discipline, and patience. No matter how great the talent or effort, some things just take time: You can’t produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant. – Warren Buffet

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it. – Stephen Leacock

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age I don’t even buy green bananas.” – Claude Pepper

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. – Pike Mulligan

There were times when my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails. – Spencer Tracy

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. – Warren Buffet

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. – Robert Orben

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. – Oscar Wilde

An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand. – Anon

Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. – Christopher Marlowe

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. – Anon

Hell, I’d be IN the race!

ESPECIALLY in the face of evil!

I went line dancing last night. 

Well, it was a roadside sobriety test…same thing.

Dammit!  They spotted another one of us!

More guardians.  It takes an awful lot of them to protect this business.

The First Rule of Passive Aggressive Club is…

You know what, never mind, it’s FINE.

This is AWESOME!!!  It’s called 34 Epic Wins to Restore Faith in Humanity, but what it really is is just a bunch of really cool … stuff.  Flip through these pictures and you won’t be sorry you did.  Thanks for sharing with us Stephanie.  https://www.smartnews.com/p/4348262477193029653

 

“Come.  Sit.  Let us talk.”

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross country adventure… 

So, I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my ten year old daughter. 

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

Don’t call me lazy until you’ve walked a couple of steps in my slippers.

Always love a woman for her personality. 

They have 10, on average, so you can choose.

You know a girl is mad when she starts a sentence saying, “I just find it funny how…” 

Because there’s a 99.9% chance she did not find it funny.

I really love these garage doors!!

I may not have a hot body, but I have a hot bucket of fried chicken, so who’s the real winner here?

And some more garage doors, just because they are so neat.

This one would have to be my favorite. And probably what mine will look like upon retirement.
Or maybe this one

Lie all you want on social media, lie to your family and friends, but that mirror in the bathroom is cold blooded.

It’s actually the voices outside my head that bother me the most!

You are going to get a few more of these than normal today, both because there is so much to say and because you guys have given me SO MANY political memes that my space for them is about full and I need to make room for more.  So, what do you say we be politically incorrect for a little while, shall we?

No shit.  Come and try and take them.

And boy do we miss those prices now.

And when it’s anthem is played, you stand respectfully, with your hand over your heart or (if you are allowed) render a salute.  You DO NOT kneel.

And I don’t understand why the American people don’t see that?

Can we please sing that one a little louder!  Everyone of you elected people, you work for us!  You are our employees!  You are the hired help!

Yes you do!  Please, Mr. and Mrs. America and all the little Americans out there: Please, please, please get it through your heads.  These elected people are nothing special.  They are only in charge because we put them in charge.  They are supposed to act in OUR interests.  As soon as they stop acting in our interests we are supposed to get rid of them and put someone else in their place who WILL act in our interest.  That’s the democratic process.  Would you take this crap from the kid who mowed your lawn?  Would you let that drunken Nancy Pelosi babysit your kids?  Would you trust Biden to protect your house at night?  Then why are we trusting them with our most important asset?

 

It’s well past time.

I don’t know if that’s true or not.  It could be photoshopped.  But either way it’s funny as hell.  So, let’s end with one more, only because it follows on with the last one so perfectly.

That’s enough being politically incorrect for now.  Believe it or not, that’s not even half of what you guys have sent me.  Don’t stop.  I love them all and they make me laugh, which I really need right now.

Well, it seems the monsters under my bed are afraid of the skeletons in my closet.

I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; 

Just you wait and see.

Ain’t that the truth

Pro Tip:  Yell out exactly what you want for Christmas near your partner’s cell phone and just wait for Facebook to send pop-up ads their way.

The most common national celebration on Earth is actually a holiday shared by 65 different countries, on different days in each country, on an annual basis averaging out to being celebrated somewhere on the planet once every six days: 

Independence from the British.

Am I the only one who has questions here?

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor. “Is Fred home?” he asked the woman who answered the door.

“Sorry,” the woman replied. “Fred’s gone for cotton.”

The next day the collector tried again. “Is Fred here today?”

“No, sir,” she said, “I’m afraid Fred has gone for cotton.”

When he returned the third day he questioned, “I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again?”

“No,” the woman answered solemnly, “Fred died yesterday.”

Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred’s tombstone, with this inscription: “Gone, But Not for Cotton.”

And Imma just end right here while the youngsters try to figure out the last one and I tell the rest of y’all to have a wonderful weekend.  I hope to hear from the surgeon’s office soon about the hip surgery and I’ll pass that on to you guys for prayers and such and in the meantime we will continue to get together to laugh and joke and poke fun at stuff.  May love and laughter bless you and yours until we next sit down and share a cup.  

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Dragon Laffs #1958 – The Dragon is Alive and …

Good Morning Campers,

Yes, I am alive.  Maybe not well, but I am alive.  I made it through last weekend, where I worked the whole weekend, teaching classes and wore myself out so badly getting through to Tuesday (today – the day that I am actually writing this) that I had my normal follow up with my doctor that she actually chewed me out when I went to see her. 

She said, “You’re sick!” 

I replied, “I’m on vacation now, I can’t be sick.” 

She said, “You realize that makes no sense whatsoever.” 

I said, “It makes perfect sense.  I got sick on Friday …” 

She interrupted, “It’s Tuesday.” 

I said, “Hear me out.  I got sick on Friday, but I started a ten day leave that I have been really looking forward to and REALLY NEED, and have to have, and did I say that I REALLY NEED SOME FRIGGIN’ TIME OFF and it starts on Tuesday and I just have to make it till Tuesday and I had to work through the weekend and teach three hard classes and I wasn’t feeling well and I’m pretty stressed out and overworked and …” 

She said, “You’re an idiot.” 

Well, long story short, I’ve been pretty sick.  I haven’t had COVID, just been sick, overworked, stressed because of Mrs. Dragon’s continuing saga of Blood Pressure problems, and well, it’s all kind of caught up with me.  I’m not on ten days of leave.  My doctor congratulated me on having lost so much weight. (a total of about 65 lbs so far) but then got pissed off at me again when I told her I was usually only eating one meal a day.  She told me I couldn’t do that as a diabetic.  So she gave me this Libre FreeStyle 2 device…you know, that silly thing that you’ve seen on TV that you put on the back of your arm.  This thing:

Well, a couple of things about this silly thing.  First of all, they say it’s painless.  Bullshit.  Little bastard hurt going on there.  And now it keeps telling me that my blood sugar is too low.  I don’t think that 60 is too low.  So, to keep it quiet, the dogs and I are sharing some golden cream cookies.  Yup, I know.  Just the perfect things to eat.  Don’t you guys start, too! 

She also sent me for a knee, hip and shoulder X-ray because of my arthritis. Now, I already have a fake knee and hip on the right side, so this was on the left side.  The tech said that she couldn’t really tell anything about the shoulder and the knee was so-so, but the hip was definitely bone on bone and gee, Mr. Dragon, you must be in awful pain when you walk.  So, I’m thinking I have hip replacement in my immediate future as well.  Gee, Impish.  Got any MORE STRESS in your life right now?!?!  She really wasn’t supposed to show me my X-rays, but she was a good kid and when I convinced her I knew what I was looking at, which I did, having been through this before, she showed me all of them and yeah … looks like crap. 

So yeah.  It’s been a tough couple of days for me.  But you guys have been great.  I’ve gotten so many messages and so many emails telling me to get well and to take care, it has really been something.  Thank you all so very much.  It has really meant a lot to me.  Truly.  So now, what do you say we get this party started, shall we? 

How low some of us have dropped in life.

Start every phone call with, “my phone is about to die”, that way you can hang up on them when you’re bored.

Yup, some people can’t handle the truth!

My favorite Animal:

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried Chicken.” 

She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. 

My parents told me to always tell the truth.  I did.  Fried chicken is my favorite animal. 

I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.  He said they love animals very much.

I do, too.  Especially chicken, pork, and beef. 

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. 

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too.  Then he told me not to do it again. 

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. 

I told her it was chicken.  She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. 

She sent me back to the principal’s office. 

He laughed, and told me not to do it again. 

I don’t understand.  My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. 

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military person I admired most. 

I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” 

Guess where the fuck I am now…

Hard working dragons … it’s just not right!

Food for thought…wouldn’t it be ironic if Popeye’s Chicken was fried in Olive Oil?

Steve Winwood began his solo career in 1977.  He would’ve started sooner, but he was stuck in Traffic.

Relaxing at home with the dragon family

Did you know…

If you text your boss “GO FUCK YOURSELF” you don’t have to go to work anymore?

Well, got called by the surgeon’s office and I have an appointment on Thursday.  Yup.  While you guys are reading this, I’ll be talking to on of my favorite docs.  The same one who did my right knee and hip, the same one who I went to for advice on my back.  I really do like this guy.  But, after seeing the X-rays, … well, you know. 

Ring the bell and the guards will come…

I’m not going to put ALL the well wishes that I have gotten here, but I did want to say a 

to everyone who wrote to me and wished me well and to heal up real fast.  There were a couple of other mails that I did want to share.  Here’s the first one. 

reast744

You served and continue to do so. You are a patriot. This newsletter is by you, but also for you (to vent) so it is wherever your mood takes you. If there is someone who has been granted extraordinary powers of oversight and supervision … nah screw that. There isn’t. Still a free country.
I wonder what Lethal would have said?  

Thanks reast744.  Your words touched me in a lot of ways.  Especially today.  What would Lethal have said?  How apropos on the on the 246th birthday of the US Marine Corps.  (Okay, dammit, now there are tears in my eyes).  You have no idea how many times I’ve uttered those words either out loud or under my breath.  “What would Lethal say?”  I miss that damn Leprechaun more than I can say.  Lethal always took a stronger stance on things than even I did, but we both saw eye to eye on most things.  I know that when he takes the time away from the women and whiskey and turns his eye downward upon us, he smiles.  So, my very dear friend, my brother from another mother I hope you are happily drunk and sated and in your honor: 

1775 to 2021

My day starts backwards…

I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake.

I have the exact same problem.

Between coffee and cocaine, it seems the whole point of Colombia is to wake the rest of the world up.

A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.

Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor’s room.

“What’s wrong with you?” he demanded. This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!”

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:

“Does she still have the hiccups?”

Okay, and this is why Friggin’ Pete is called “Friggin'” Pete.  He sent this to me and I have to say that I, as well, am fascinated by the whole thing.  Whether it was ACTUALLY said or not, the fact that people are still arguing about it is mind-blowing.  What are we talking about?  Read on, dear camper, read on. 

OK, I just found this fascinating. It just amazes me what people will believe in and get behind and fight about. This meme and others saying basically the same thing, was started in 2013 claiming it was earnestly promoted and is an authentic feminist concept stated by this Ashleigh Ingle feminist at a 2013 conference in Toronto, Canada. Nether she or anyone else said any such thing there but, people have been taking sides and actually fighting about it ever since. I’m not sure who is winning but, I can say this…..I still fart loud…. if that makes me a “he man woman hater”…..so be it!

LMAO!

It just seems to me that there are so many things just a little more important than who farts the loudest and what it means….and fighting over something like that, dear friends is why we find ourselves in the mess this Country is in!  (That part was from Pete)

(BOOM!)    (BOOM!)    (BOOM!)    (BOOM!)     (BOOM!)    (BOOM!)    (BOOM!)    (BOOM!)  Yeah, I can hear all of your minds being blown from here.  Truly and utterly amazing.  Thanks again Pete for sharing something that makes us all go “hmmm”.  And also, “What the hell?!?!”

The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.

They say sniffing Rosemary will improve your memory.  I sniffed Rosemary once.  She hit me.  I don’t remember anything after that.

A huge stack of toilet rolls fell on me in the supermarket.  I’m okay though, just some soft tissue damage.

My friend writes songs about sewing machines. 

He’s a Singer songwriter.

Or sew it seams.

I know…it was really, really bad.  But, I just had to share it BECAUSE it was so bad. And BECAUSE it was so bad, the … you guys aren’t buying this at all, are you?  Okay, I’ll leave now.

Wait!  What?

Today is Veterans Day.  You guys didn’t think I forgot, did you?  I know normally I would dedicate an entire issue to Veterans Day, but this year, somehow, seems different.  Veterans have been treated like crap this year.  The military is being treated like crap.  We are telling our military members that we can’t fly planes, we can’t hire anyone, even in unoccupied, needed positions, because there is no money, yet we can send money to other countries, give money to illegal aliens, and pass a friggin’ multi trillion dollar infrastructure bill, but we can’t defend our country.  And yet, we are supposed to maintain our moral and continue to defend our country, maintain our readiness, do more with less. 

It’s a damn good thing we are the United States Military and all that shit is just another day for us. 

After every single class I teach to the military members I thank them for their service.  That may sound a little plain, but hear me out.  I tell them that at some point in time in the past, they raised their hand and swore to give up their lives for people they don’t know and for people that don’t know them.  I tell them that when I did it, I thought of my friends, and my family, and my loved ones.  But you know, my time is past.  Not that my oath of service is up.  My oath will never expire.  And neither will theirs.  But at almost 63 years old, the odds of them calling me back to active service are pretty slim.  So, in all honesty, what they have sworn to do is give up their lives for MY friends, and MY family, and MY loved ones.  And there is no way that I could have them in MY classroom and not say thank you.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Because what you guys do is important, it matters, it means something.  It’s not just two days a month and two weeks during summer vacation, it’s twenty-four hours a day and 365 days a year.  And if you don’t believe that, you’re kidding yourself.  Thank you for what you do.  Thank you for picking up where we left off.  Because it is important, it does matter, it does mean something.  And it’s a little bit harder for you guys than it was for us.  There are those of us who work out here, who are wearing civilian clothes now, who do understand what you guys are going through.  And we do appreciate the things that you do.  We do understand the things that you guys are going through.  The people on the outside of the fence may not, but we do.  And we also understand that there may be times that you need someone.  Someone to talk to or someone to reach out to.  My work phone is ALWAYS forwarded to my cellphone when I’m not at work.  So, if you call my work phone you will always reach me.  twenty-four/seven.  I may not BE the guy you need to talk to, but odds are I KNOW the guy you need to talk to.  Because that’s what one veteran does for another veteran.  Thanks for all you do, now go on and get out of here and enjoy the rest of your day. 

And at least to ME, THAT is what Veterans Day is all about.  I don’t know if I’ve got it right or not.  I know it’s about sacrifice.  It’s about what some have given so that the rest could have.  I’ve been pretty damn blessed in my life.  Lethal would say that he was lucky in his, I think he got the crappy end of the stick more times than not.  His wounds ended up killing him.  There are homeless Vets all over this country living on the streets or in boxes.  Men and women who were willing to give their very lives for you and me and we can’t even be bothered to give them a home to live in, but we can give criminals who sneak into this country illegally hundreds of thousands of dollars and housing and all kinds of other stuff.  What possible sense does that make?

To my brothers and sisters who served, to the family members of those who served (because you also served, sometimes I think it was harder on you), to the current members of the armed forces out there (and I don’t care which branch of the service, which country (so long as you are an ally, of course, lol) and to whatever length of time you served, may I humbly and with deepest heartfelt honor say, thank you for your service.  Thank you for taking the responsibility for offering up all of you for all of us.  God Bless You and your families.

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Sorry folks

Got sick and not feeling well. I still have to work tomorrow so I’m going to crawl into bed after taking some medicine and see if I can’t shake this. Hope to see you guys back on Monday

Love and happiness to you all

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