As you enter the Conference room still hung over from your St Patrick’s Day celebrating your nose is assailed by the comingling of the scents of Air Freshener, commercial cleaning solutions, Murphy’s Oil soap and freshly brewed coffee all competing with the odor of burnt ozone and electronics.
You see the massive mess that was Impish’s amateurish attempt at animatronics has been cleaned off the stage, the room has been scrubbed free of aerially delivered pies and that here appears to be actual real brewed coffee set out for everyone along with other traditional hang over remedies, namely OTC head and stomach relief, small amounts of materials for ‘hair of the dog’ curatives, small bottles of water w/ individual plackets of Gatorade or Emergen-C, cheap sunglasses and ear plugs. A single team from the same hangover treatment company Lethal provided for the post Marti Gras aftermath is set up in one corner standing by in the event someone is in a bad way which apparently several of you were as a couple treatments are ongoing.
The patrons seem to be dining on Corned Beef Hash, Poached Eggs on toasted Irish Soda Bread (Hollandaise optional) and having taken pity on you, Lethal has provided fresh scones for those in the cheap seats. to accompany your coffee.
Lethal is down front surrounded by Diaman, Ginny and Paul. They are apparently engaged in an argument. No, that not right, after rubbing your blood shot eyes you can see they are not arguing with each other but with something Lethal is holding. After several deep slurps of hot coffee (not the normal instant Maxwell House stuff either) and donning sunglasses your double vision finally clears enough to figure out they are apparently having the argument with someone they are probably Skyping with on Lethal’s tablet.
Lethal: You bloody well not only welshed on our agreement, you back slid while you were away!
Impish: Hey! I was under a lot of stress! Queen Tiamat is scary even for Dragons, there was the audiences the private discussion in the garden and the financial
inquisition…uhhh… audit. I just needed a little something and then when I found out about Pi Day I took it as a sign so…. OK! SO MAYBE my little joke wasn’t as funny as it sounded in my head, haven’t you all ever made a joke that fell flat.
Paul: Not THAT flat! Besides Dude, you’re never getting better if you keep lying to yourself like this.
Impish: …. and besides it wasn’t like I was gorging on them or anything. It was only just that one time and that single (gross) of pie[s].
Diaman: And that single pie locker full you brought back
Ginny: and the ones in the storage facility you had me buy in Jersey
Lethal: (sighing scrubbing his head with his hand in frustration) Impish the pies have all been confiscated. Including the one on your secret Alter of Pie worship. You’ll remain in the Addiction Boot Camp program until you’re totally cured this time. Ill inform Queen T that you suffered a nervous collapse upon return and have been checked into a clinic for a rest and recuperative stay of indeterminate length at this present moment. I’ll alert Quack the ALFLAC duck to process your claim starting back with your kidnapping return so you’ll have some income. Also you’ll start attending P.I.G.O.U.T. (Pie Intensive Gluttons Outpatient Un-obsession Therapy meetings by remote proxy for two hours twice a day every day.
Impish: What? No! COME ON! Lethal BUDDY, pal, friend o’ mine! DON’T DO THIS TO ME! Not AGAIN! It was only ONE little slip up! (Impish’s voice starts fading out) HEY! You clowns on the ropes! I KNOW WHERE YOUR PAYCHECKS COME FROM! I’ll… (indistinct voices) SO HELP ME IF……. OWWW! THAT’S HURT! Oooo! …Sparkly in my head!
(Lethal taps on the tablet apparently closing out the Skype session then looks up)
And that will just about do it for any pre-issue commentary this morning. My apologies for your having to ease drop on that, to say nothing of having had pies fall from the ceiling all over you on Saturday. Please take any clothing in need of stain removal to the Dry Cleaners in the Lobby and present your DragonLaffs subscription information and the dry cleaning bill will be paid by Impish.
Don’t worry there will be a Molly report a short way into the issue. Mean time let’s get things underway I now have a mountain of paperwork, several court orders to obtain and a delusional dragon to transport to the Bat Shit Crazy Barracks at Lethal’s Addiction Boot Camp.
If he want to continue with his denial then let him convince the Doctors, Headshrinkers and Drill Sergeants that he’s cured. Have no contact of any kind with pies means just that and he broke the agreement!
OR is that a bunch of hung over to the point of being green at the gills humans? Either way it’s a bloody terrifying sight.
Rusty Humphries: Sneakin’ In To The USA
Yeah, it’s silly, but I love this one, especially since telling it to Molly helps tick off the last box on her post procedure pre-released check list!
– – –
A young couple arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, “Ewww — what’s wrong with your feet?”
“I had tolio as a child,” he answered.
“You mean polio?” she asked.
“No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes.”
The bride was satisfied with this explanation and they continued undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose.
“What’s wrong with your knees?” she asked. “They’re all lumpy and deformed!”
“As a child, I also had kneasles,” he explained.
“You mean measles?” she asked.
“No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees.”
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
“Don’t tell me,” she said. “You also had smallcox, didn’t you?”
A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, “WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!”
As you read in Saturday’s DragonLaffs issue. Molly’s procedure on Thursday went extremely well. By 11 Pm she was out of recovery in an outpatient room had been up and around and had some Jell-O, her first food in almost 32 hours and first anything by mouth in over 14.
Friday morning her mother was with her as I had an appointment with a client and the stress was starting to take a serious physical toll on me as well.
It was 3 Am Friday morning before the cats stopped complaining that Molly had not come home and I got any serious sleep. Then her first text came in at 06:30 just before my 7:00 AM alarm.
I’d received about a dozen text messages from her with requests and instructions already Friday morning by the time I arrived at my appointment. I had to leave my phone, weapon, knife & keys with security when I went into this particular client today (they are in a government building).
When I came back to retrieve them the guard was like “Thank God! I don’t know who keeps texting you, but I’m tired of Yoda scaring the crap out of me and everyone going through the scanner”! (Molly’s personalized text message alert is Yoda saying ”Hear you nothing that I say?”) I told him to be thankful she hadn’t called because suddenly the hall would have erupted into ‘Hail to the Chief’. He roared and asked me to send him the ring tone so he could use it for his wife too.
By 10:30 she’d eaten a decent breakfast, showered, had been walking around, had had the IV and other things removed and was ready to come home.
They’re were just waiting for one more box on the post procedure check sheet to be ticked before releasing her. Unfortunately my wife in addition to being a fiery German/Scot was raised in part by two very old fashion grandmothers. They were and are every bit the Southern Ladies and Molly herself very much one when it comes to certain things. This was one of those things that Southern Ladies simply do NOT do, much less ever admit to having done, – which of course they’d never have to, it simply not being done by a lady.
I feared this was going to cause a problem with her release as they could only keep her as an outpatient for 23.5 hours. Fortunately one cannot stop the course of nature. A couple small joke to make her chuckle and the last box was ticked off. Molly was released arriving home about 12:45 and I had her ensconced in her recliner by 1:00 PM.
She seems not to have lost as much of a step as I had feared probably due to the use of a robotic surgical assistant for her procedure. As soon as I started getting insistent about her getting off her feet she sassed me right back telling me to back off, that she was headed there as soon as she got and did what she wanted. She finally settled feet up watching gymnastic on TV with her Mom with her pillow, blanket, clad in pajama pants, an Alabama long sleeve T and slipper socks.
She ate a late lunch of her favorite fast food (Chick-Fil-A) napped, watched TV and read a bit. By dinner time she was waiting for the clock to say it was pain medication time and then ate some dinner but wasn’t all that hungry due to pain and some post procedure abdominal cramps. She flip flopped back and forth between watching TV through closed eyelids (though I am forced to admit she has a point when she insists one doesn’t need to watch Jeopardy to participate in it) and out right napping.
She got up a couple times during the night and walked as the Doctor has ordered but made it from midnight until about 9AM w/o any pain medications. This may have been a bit of a miscalculation however as the moment she was up (I didn’t hear her get up and she decided she was making her own breakfast of tea & toast w/ jam) she wanted it badly.
She is doing well enough that my Mother In Law is talking about going home earlier than she had planned leaving on Monday.That’s why I’m trying to finish this issue by Sunday despite the distraction of Impish’s melt down, the paper work involved in involuntarily committing him to Addiction Boot Camp and overseeing the clean up of his celebration surprise.
Sunday started out with Molly learning an important lesson about skipping pain med dosages in the middle of the night because she’s sleeping good- don’t do it you’ll pay for it when you do finally get up.
She came in and woke me as I told her to if she needed anything asking for a breakfast more substantial than the one she made herself yesterday but had already made herself a cuppa something in her Keurig on her own.
Her first shower is on tap for today as she was tired last night and afraid of trying it. Already bored wit TV she’s returning to her school studies already mindful of approaching deadlines for a paper and a quiz.
There was a lot of pain after the shower and all the school work which while it sounds mean to say I’m a little thankful for because it’s taken some of the wind out of her sails and underlined the point is is just 2 days post procedure. Pain is a hell of a teacher and its teaching her she can’t rush and push things.
Yup I definitely like Morning Molly better then she takes that 3AM pail medication. I was up before her and had her breakfast almost completed before she got up. They’re working on the foundation of our building which apparently involves singing in Spanish using jackhammering for the bass line. This means no TV watching so she is on her laptop no doubt checking work emails a head of when she is due back to work. Sigh! At least the constant jackhammering precludes her using her phone for meetings and tiring herself out too much.
There will probably be one last short Molly report in next Saturday’s issue or a report of my committal to the Loony Tune-ium if she starts pushing herself too much again.
Supreme Court revives Notre Dame’s Obamacare contraception objections
(Reuters) – The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday revived the University of Notre Dame’s religious objections to the requirement for contraception coverage under President Barack Obama’s healthcare law, throwing out a lower court decision in favor of the federal government.
The justices asked the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals to reconsider its decision against the South Bend, Indiana-based Roman Catholic university in light of the June 2014 Supreme Court ruling that allowed certain privately owned corporations to seek exemptions from the provision.
The case is part of national litigation concerning religious objections to the contraception provision of the 2010 Affordable Care Act, known widely as Obamacare.
The law requires employers to provide health insurance policies that cover preventive services for women including access to contraception and sterilization.
Various challengers, including family-owned companies and religious affiliated nonprofits that oppose abortion and sometimes the use of contraceptives, say the requirement infringes on their religious beliefs.
Mark Rienzi, a lawyer with the religious rights group Becket Fund for Religious Liberty who has been involved in similar cases, said Monday’s action was “a strong signal that the Supreme Court will ultimately reject the government’s narrow view of religious liberty.”
In my case I’m fortunate enough to never be able to envision ever even thinking this sort of thing much less begging the doctor for it. She rearranged her schedule appointments and life to drive 6 hours and stay here to help me with Molly until Molly is at least partly back on her feet.
Ouch! Somebody remind me to get that Learners Permit for Bus Driving away from Diaman!
Hey! That’s yesterday’s lunch! How’d that get used? Even better question- we got enough makings for another one? It was the only St Patrick’s Day tradition I followed yesterday, Corned Beef for at least one meal.
Baked Nutella French Toast With Mixed-Berry Sauce
Prep Time 50 minutes
French Toast Ingredients
10 1-inch-thick brioche slices or challah-bread slices
4 large eggs
2 cups heavy cream
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. freshly grated nutmeg
1/4 tsp. salt
1 cup Nutella
Berry Sauce Ingredients
1 12-oz. package mixed frozen berries
2 tbsp. sugar
2 tbsp. unsalted butter
Finely grated zest from 1 orange
2 tbsp. fresh-squeezed orange juice
1 6-oz. container raspberries or berries of choice
1. Preheat oven to 350°F and grease a 9 x 12-inch baking dish.
2. Divide Nutella among 5 slices of bread, spreading evenly. Top slices with remaining 5 slices and cut each Nutella sandwich in half so you have ten halves.
3. Beat eggs with cream, vanilla, nutmeg, and salt until uniform in color. Dip each Nutella sandwich in the egg mixture briefly, making sure to coat entire piece. Place sandwiches in the baking pan as they are ready, tilting them slightly onto each other so they are layered like dominos, with the cut side facing the bottom of the pan.
4. Place the baking sheet in the oven and bake for 30-35 minutes until French toast is golden brown and lightly crisp to the touch.
5. While the French toast is baking, heat a small saucepan over medium heat. Add the frozen berries, sugar, butter, orange zest, and orange juice and bring to a boil. Turn down to a gentle simmer and allow to simmer for 15 minutes, until berries are broken down and sauce has thickened slightly. Remove from heat and add fresh berries.
6. Serve French toast directly from oven with berry sauce on top or on the side.
Beef Stroganoff with Buttered Noodles
Short ribs have been on sale a lot lately and I was looking for something to do with them besides braising and BBQ/Smoking them. That’s when I came across this recipe. I like using the bone in ribs because bones means flavor. goes great on mashed potatoes too.
Total Time: 2 hr. 35 min
Cook: 2 hr. 35 min
Yield: 4 to 6 servings
4 cloves garlic, roughly chopped, plus 2 cloves, minced
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
Extra-virgin olive oil
1 sprig fresh rosemary, leaves removed
1 large sprig fresh thyme, leaves removed
3 pounds beef short ribs, cut into 2 ribs apiece
1 1/2 pounds cremini mushrooms
1 1/2 pounds white button mushrooms
1/2 cup chopped shallots
1/4 cup cognac
2 cups heavy whipping cream
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1/2 cup sour cream
1 pound egg noodles
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tablespoons freshly chopped flat-leaf parsley
2 tablespoons freshly chopped green onions
Preheat oven to 300 degrees F.
Place the chopped garlic, salt and pepper into a bowl. Add enough extra-virgin olive oil to create a paste. Add the rosemary and thyme leaves to the bowl and stir to combine.
Set short ribs out on a roasting tray and cover with herb paste. Roast in the oven for 2 hours and 30 minutes until they are falling apart.
Heat a large sauté pan over high heat and add a 3-count of olive oil. Add mushrooms and cook for 3 minutes until brown. Add shallots and minced garlic and toss to combine. Season with salt and pepper. Cook for a further 2 minutes until garlic and onion become fragrant. Remove pan from heat and carefully add cognac to deglaze the pan. Return to heat and add cream. Reduce heat and simmer until reduced by half. Turn off heat and stir in Dijon mustard and sour cream. Season with salt and plenty of freshly ground black pepper
Cook egg noodles in salted boiling water according to directions on package. Drain and toss with butter while still hot.
To serve: Pile the noodles high on a plate, top with stroganoff sauce and finish with rib slices. Garnish with fresh parsley and green onions.
Depending on my whim I’ve added chopped fresh ginger, soy sauce & orange juice to the paste and served over Asian noodles or veggie fried rice (Omit the sour cream & stir a tablespoon of cornstarch into the mustard before adding to the pan). I’ve also added Worcestershire sauce, liquid smoke or Franks Cayenne Pepper Sauce. Usually in this case I remove the bones coarsely chop the meat adding it to the gravy forgoing the noodles in favor of tortillas or toasted rolls and shredded cheese.
Total Time: 1 hr. 45 min
Prep: 1 hr.
Cook: 45 min
Yield: 8 servings
8 sheets dried lasagna noodles (about 6 ounces)
1 tablespoons olive oil, plus more for tossing and greasing
2 cloves garlic, 1 thinly sliced and 1 finely grated
Pinch crushed red pepper flakes
One 14-ounce can whole peeled plum tomatoes, crushed by hand
2 to 3 fresh basil sprigs
5 slices bacon
12 ounces ground beef chuck
12 ounces ground pork
1 cup plain dried breadcrumbs
1/2 small yellow onion, grated
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley, plus more for garnish
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
2 large eggs
Freshly ground black pepper
2 cups shredded part-skim mozzarella
1/4 cup grated Parmesan
Ricotta, for serving
Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the lasagna noodles and cook until al dente. Drain and toss with olive oil, to keep them from sticking, and let cool.
Meanwhile, make the tomato sauce. Heat the oil, sliced garlic, red pepper flakes and 1/2 teaspoon salt in a large skillet over medium heat. Stir as the oil heats up; once it shimmers, add the crushed tomatoes, 3/4 cup water and the basil. Bring to a high simmer and cook, stirring occasionally, until the sauce thickens slightly and the water has evaporated, 15 to 20 minutes (will be about 1 cup). Remove from the heat and let cool to room temperature.
Arrange the bacon in a large skillet and cook over medium heat until brown and crispy, 4 to 5 minutes per side. Remove and finely chop when cool enough to handle.
Combine the bacon, beef, pork, breadcrumbs, onion, parsley, grated garlic, tomato paste, Worcestershire sauce, eggs, 1 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/2 teaspoon black pepper in a large bowl. Use your hands to thoroughly combine.
Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and preheat to 350 degrees F. Line a rimmed baking sheet with foil and brush with oil. Combine the mozzarella and Parmesan.
Shape half of the meatloaf mixture into a 9- by 5-inch rectangle in the center of the prepared baking sheet. Make a slight indentation down the center and fill with 1/2 cup of the cheese mixture. Top with the remaining meatloaf mixture and pat to form a loaf with a slightly rounded top, making sure to pinch and seal the sides.
Top the meatloaf with one-third of the sauce and sprinkle with one-third of the remaining cheese mixture. Lay 4 lasagna noodles, crosswise and slightly overlapping, over the meatloaf, completely covering. Top with another one-third each of sauce and cheese mixture. Repeat with the remaining noodles, sauce and cheese.
Bake until the meatloaf reaches an internal temperature of 165 degrees F, 40 to 45 minutes. Sprinkle with parsley and let cool slightly. Slice and serve with dollops of ricotta.
IF you can by any miracle manage leftovers, this makes a KILLER sandwich the following day stuffed into a split (don’t slice all the way through do it like a hotdog bun) toasted garlic roll. Smear the roll liberally inside with warmed left over tomato sauce place the slice of lasagna meatloaf in the roll carefully top with just a smear of sauce some more cheese and slip it back into the hot oven for about 5 minutes to warm through and melt the cheese. I usually wrap them in parchment paper covered foil before putting in oven because this makes them WAY less messy and easier to eat. Other wise I suggest eating it topless leaning over your kitchen sink with half a roll of paper towels or a hand high stack of napkins handy.
An Adult slightly decadent way to use PB & J. Can’t get lady fingers? In a pinch a fresh pound cake sliced thin and trimmed up (no crust) will work. Slice and stack several slices to trim crust and cut to size to make short work of the chore.
Total Time: 30 min
Prep: 30 min
Yield: 8 to 10 servings
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
8 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
1 1/4 cups confectioners’ sugar, plus more for dusting
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup seedless raspberry jam
1/3 cup Framboise (raspberry liqueur) or raspberry juice
14 Italian-style crisp ladyfingers
4 cups raspberries
Shaved chocolate, for topping
Beat the peanut butter, cream cheese, confectioners’ sugar, vanilla and 1/2 cup cream in a large bowl with a mixer on medium speed until smooth and fluffy, 3 to 4 minutes. Add the remaining 1/2 cup cream and beat until creamy, about 2 more minutes. (Do not overbeat.)
Whisk the jam, framboise and 1/3 cup water in a bowl until smooth. Spread about 3 tablespoons of the jam mixture in a 9-by-5-inch glass loaf pan. Cover with half of the ladyfingers, arranging them lengthwise. Brush with half of the remaining jam mixture. (Don’t worry if it looks like a lot of liquid; the ladyfingers will absorb it as the tiramisu sits.)
Spread half of the peanut butter cream over the ladyfingers. Top with 2 cups raspberries and the remaining ladyfingers. Brush the ladyfingers with the remaining jam mixture and spread the remaining peanut butter cream on top. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 8 hours.
Uncover the tiramisu and top with the remaining 2 cups raspberries and shaved chocolate.
Dust with confectioners’ sugar [and go put on your fat pants before digging in]
NOW, if you want to REALLY get nuts, you can substitute some or all of the peanut butter for Nutella.
Wait for it…..
and there go Ginny’s knees right on cue.
An admiral visited one of the ships of the line under his command.
While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the Naval insignia stamped on every biscuit.
He went to the Chief cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command.
The Chief replied, “I’d be glad to share that with you, Admiral. After each biscuit is cut, I just slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the Navy insignia.”
Horrified the Admiral exclaims, “That’s very unhygienic!”
The Chief shrugs and replies, “Well, if that’s the way you feel, Sir, I suggest you avoid the donuts.”
Disputing credit report errors could get easier under new rules
The three largest credit reporting agencies will change the way they handle records in a major revamp long sought by consumer advocates.
Disputing a mistake on your credit report could get easier and the effects of medical debt less severe under changes being made by the three largest credit-reporting agencies.
The Monday announcement by the agencies — Equifax, Experian and TransUnion — comes after months of negotiations between the companies and New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.
Consumer advocates have long sought a revamp that would reduce errors on credit report and make correcting them easier. Data collected by the agencies on hundreds of millions of people are used to create credit scores, which can determine who gets a loan and how much interest is paid on it.
“The nation’s largest reporting agencies have a responsibility to investigate and correct errors on consumers’ credit reports. This agreement will reform the entire industry and provide vital protections for millions of consumers across the country,” Schneiderman said in a statement.
Under the changes announced Monday, people who contest items in their credit reports will receive more information concerning those disputes, including instructions on what they can do if they don’t like the answer they get. In a bid to increase accuracy, medical debts won’t be reported until after a 180-day waiting period to allow time for insurance payments to be applied.
The agencies agreed to remove from credit reports previously reported medical collections that have been or are being paid by insurance companies.
This comes after a move in August by Fair Isaac Corp. (FICO), the company behind the commonly used FICO credit score, in which it announced that medical debt would have a smaller effect on the score. It also said at the time that debts that go to collection agencies and are repaid wouldn’t count against a consumer’s FICO score.
Homemade Microwave Popcorn – From Scratch
An Irish Priest is Transferred to Iola, Texas. He rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new East Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:
“Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”
“And the best of the day to yourself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann’s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’ yer lads to take care of the matter.”
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Then, Father O’Malley replied, “Aye, ’tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”
I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call or text.
Don’t look now Impish but I think another one of your books is missing!
When we last left our
zero err hero(?) he was sleeping off a meal of owls and no doubt contentedly burping feathers.
Am entertaining job offer from Fafnir, Fafnir, Bahamut & Lung, dragons at law. They tell me it’s mostly just about ateding opposing counsel. Mmmm, lawyers.
Still not sure about this dragons at law thing. Like the idea of hourly billing for ateding enemy lawyers, but less up on whole actually becoming a lawyer thing. Would rather not have to extend professional courtesy to sharks and barracudas in off hours–they’re too nomable.
Ordered the Jumbo Book of Unicorn Recipes—prepared properly they’re supposed to _stay_ digested. Cool bonus, comes with list of puffer-fish side dish preparations. The blackened unicorn with fugu etouffee, looks especially yummy. What could go wrong?
My Jumbo Book of Unicorn Recipes has arrived. It’s published by DRACME so it must be good. Totally gonna pwn that pointy-face horse.
Enchanted Forest Board elections coming up fast. Gryphon opponent ran nasty ad about me so I ated him. Then I got rude questions from reporters about gryphon so I ated them. Really full now. BTW, gryphon tastes like chicken, reporters more like squid. Think it’s the ink.
A gnome replaced the gryphon I ated on the Enchanted Forest ballot. Seems only fair. Turns out I replaced a gnome the gryhpon ated. Am starting to really understand politics.
Thinking about trying pot-pie recipe from pointy-face horse cookbook. Requires unicorn-corer-peeler-slicer for execution. Also unicorn magnet. Wonder where I can get them.
Tiamat’s Witnesses came to door today and tried to get me to convert. Ated them. Tasted awful. Also, roasted whole stack of pamphlets.
Door again. Salesghoul for Beanie Cthulhus. Bought Strawberry Short-Cthulhu, and Rhinestone Cowthulhu. Sparkly!
…Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly!
Cat is curled up asleep with beanie Cthulhus—very cute. Unfortunately, is sleeping on wing so I can’t move. Sigh.