Dragon Laffs #1427


Lair

After Impish Dragon’s departure from headquarters on Wednesday, he moved slowly down the hall, to his office in the complex of DL&LL Electronic Media, LLC to retrieve the papers and reports that he will need for his meeting with Queen Tiamat, the dragon matriarch for all dragonkind. 

Tiamat is a supremely strong and powerful draconic goddess.  She is not only queen, but mother of evil dragons.  Also known as the Chromatic Dragon, due to her five, different colored heads (one for each of the five evil dragon races, with accompanying powers of each) in just one of her many dragon incarnations.  Most dragons have only one incarnation, but some, like our Impish, has two.  Very few have three; and none, other than Tiamat have ever displayed more than three.  Not surprisingly, Tiamat’s incarnations have never been numbered.

The Queen, also has other duties, other than ruling dragonkind.  She is the ruler of Avernus, the first layer of the Nine Hells.  She has also been known to manifest as a dark-haired human sorceress.

This creature is to who Impish Dragon is preparing to present himself to.  Impish Dragon is the Queen’s ambassador to humankind and has functioned as ambassador-at-large to most of the mythical,  magical and ordinary species of the realms.  Today, he was going to have to defend himself and his actions over the last several months and answer the charges of pie addiction and incompetence in the face of being captured and tortured by A.S.S *** led by the A.S.S.H.A.T.s****.

Impish glances at the clock on the wall and mumbles, “Calm down Impish.  You’ve got time.  Make sure you have ALL the papers you may need and all the documentation that Lethal provided for you.  Damn! I really wish I had a pie right now…just to take the edge off.”

He sighs, pulls the rest of the papers he needs off his desk and shoves them into an already jam packed leather valise.  He looks wistfully around his office, “I sure hope I can come back here.  Maybe not as Ambassador, but at least with all my dragon powers intact.  I could still co-manage DL&LL…I am the original founder, after-all.  But she could take all that away…and more.”

A small blue tear slides down his scaled cheek.  As he scrubs it away he mutters, “Damn allergies!” And exits the office.

Striding down the hallway towards the portal chamber, he again has the overwhelming urge for pie. “Hey!  Lethal said that if I got too antsy, I cold open this application on my iPhone and it would help.”  He slows his travel through the tunnels and hallways as he taps on his phone. “He said it would be different as I needed help with my thoughts, so let’s see what it gives me this time.” As he hits the icon a small picture pops up on his screen
4

Laughing uproariously, he tucks the phone back into his pocket and enters the portal chamber.

Turning to Terence, he says, “Are the controls set for the Imperial Castle?”

The only answer he receives is a nod and a hand extended pointing toward the swirling mists inside the stone surrounded opening.

Without a word, he lifts his chin, sets his shoulders and steps through the portal.  He immediately stumbles into the other side due to not being able to see his own feet with his chin lifted and his shoulders set.  Pulling himself together on the far side of the kingdom, he looks around, hoping no one has seen his misstep.  When he lifts his head, he is struck by the awe-inspiring sight before him.

The Castle of the Dragon Queen:
7a

Eventually, he reaches the massive gates that enclose the entrance the great castle.  He lifts the horned door-knocker, realizing too late that the horns are the tusks of some huge beast.  As he gasps and lets them fall, a dull boom echoes through the door.

A small panel slides open above his head and a green dragon head pops out, “Whatcha Want!  Oh…hi … uh Impish.  You’re here to see the queen, right?  Well, come right in, come right in, she’s expecting you.  You are to go immediately to the throne room and report.  Good luck, pal.  She’s in an even more evil mood than usual.”

Impish smiles weakly and proceeds through the castle front hall.  All the dragons on guard duty come to attention, and as one, turn and face their back to him.

“I really need pie.  I need pie.  I need pie.  I need pie.  I better check that phone app again.”

When Impish presses the button on his phone the app opens and he see’s:
PUBLISHED by catsmob.com

He stands there mesmerized mumbling, “pie, I really … need  …. pie … I … really … need … boobies … I … really … wow …. boobies!  I really need boobies…”

After gazing at his phone for an inordinate amount of time, another functionary dragon approaches him and says, “Um… Mr. Ambassador, right this way, please.  The Queen will see you now.”

“Ah… yeah.” He puts his phone away, the thought of pie completely gone from his mind.  “Let’s get this done.  It were breast … or um… best done quickly.”

As he continues down the hall, his confidence returned, he strides to the huge doors which swing open upon his approach.  Without slowing, he continues into the throne room where his Queen is waiting for him at the far end.
7

Impish strides to the far end of the throne room, stops at the proper, respectful distance, comes to one knee, bows his head, with his fist striking his left breast and states, “Your highness, Ambassador Impish Dragon, reporting as ordered.”

Tiamat stares down at the small blue dragon, who has chosen his second, smaller dragon form, for what seems like hours to Impish, but perhaps is no more than a minute.

“So!  You have finally decided to answer my summons!  And you DARE to present yourself to me as a lesser peer?!  Prostrate yourself before me as the sniveling worm that you are!”

Impish, with his head bent and wings slightly unfurled, sneaks his phone out of his pocket and presses the app again

PUBLISHED by catsmob.com
His nerve restored, he lifts his gaze and meets his queen’s and says, “Until such time as I am officially removed from office, I AM your ambassador and as such, will present myself in this manner as your Royal Highness’s importance demands.”

The Queen’s eyes widen and smoke seeps from her nostrils and she raises her head and roars, “ALL OF YOU, LEAVE MY PRESENCE!  CLOSE THE CHAMBER ON YOUR WAY OUT AND I WILL DEAL WITH THIS BLUE DRAGON!!!”

The guards and functionaries and clerks and others scramble over each other in a rush to get out of the chamber as quickly as possible.

As the door slams shut at the other end of the room, Queen Tiamat leans down her long neck, locking her gaze eye-to-eye with Impish Dragon, and quietly says, “Now, what is it you were saying?”

Let's Laugh 1

1324

6

1325

6b

Dragon Pix2

On the wall

A lot of people see these types of things and think they are statues of dragons and monuments on buildings.  Actually, they are real dragons that have allowed themselves to be caught by humans and they have to “freeze” and pretend they are statues and part of the building to avoid detection.  If you were to go by this same building the next day, likely the dragon would be gone, having taken the opportunity to fly off while no one was looking.

 

6c

I think this is a marvelous idea and one that should be adopted in the US.

 

1326

This is so true!  Which is why female spies are so much more effective than males.

6d

This is the same basic ploy as my enemies providing me with drugged pies to get what they want.  A tried and true method of achieving evil goals.

1327

Damn!  No wonder my shirts look so bad….

6e

Ain’t Karma a bitch!

Fantasy pix2

f2009090902

This is Lois.  She’s in admin and is responsible for the new students that register for the school.  She has that look on her face because most of our students are the children of employees and our employees are… well … let’s just say that they are a diverse bunch.

6f

I’m relatively confident in saying that, as a country, we are way better off with Bill Murray pursuing his career in comedy rather than his potential as a doctor.

1328

Let’s be thankful that more professions don’t offer similar guarantees.  For instance…
Satisfaction Guaranteed or:
Surgeons – Your tumor back
Dentists – Your cavity dug back out
Plumbers – your kitchen filled back up with water…
You get the idea.

6g

And the really incredibly sad part is….that if the company were sold off, it still wouldn’t be enough to cover our national debt!

Politically Incorrect

Okay, let’s do a fast brace of cartoons that are definitely politically incorrect

4d

4e

4g

4h

4j

5i2

and that’s all the excuse you’ll ever get from me!  I know some of you think I’m wrong for picking on Obama and the current Ass-ministration, but I also know that most of you who speak publically about me that way, privately feel the same way and also laughed at the previous cartoons.  If not….then it’s time for you to
1

1329

Dang!  Maybe I should’ve given that recipe over to Lethal for his Celtic Cooking….nah.  Probably not his style.

Okay, back to more unusual facts:
6h

I wonder if our old friend Paul was 14 in 1838?

1330

6i

Why doesn’t this surprise me? 

coollogo_com-213355755

a7

Sigh!  There’s got to be a way I can eat the cat and not piss off the humans.

 

a8

Get away!!  GET AWAY!!!!  AAAAaaaahhhhh!!!!

 

a9

Ha, ha, ha!  You can’t eat me! You can’t eat me!  The humans will get rid of you quicker than you can blink!

 

a10

Oh dear, dear, dear!  You’re not going out wearing THAT, are you?

 

a16

The CAT beacon has been set off and it’s up to SUPER CAT to dive into his secret tunnel that leads him to his underground CAT LAIR!  To the FELINE MOBILE!

 

A child asked his father, “How were people born?”

 
So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
 
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”
 
The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”
 
His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.” 
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6j

Well, let’s hope we can make better decisions than 2200 mice…. um …. well, thinking about the current administration… maybe not.

1332

Egads!  That’s so life like it’s frightening!

 

6k

And women will still bitch about men leaving the seat up!

 

Motivational2

because

half

HMMMM

Hoarding

Hobbits

Hobby

This is a very popular hobby.  I know lots of people who enjoy this hobby.

 

6l

Yup, see the above motivational picture…

 

1333

6m

You know… I like sex just as much, if not more so than the next guy.  But there are some lines that just can’t be crossed!!!

 

1334

Now THAT, is another great idea!

 

9

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The Last Word2

“So, Impish, I’m glad we had this conversation.  I’m satisfied with your explanations and accountings, so long as you remember the deal we made.”

The two dragons sat opposite each other at a little lattice worked metal table  in a small garden bordered on a wild forest outside of the castle.  Impish was in his human form, sipping a hot coffee while Tiamat was in her human form, drinking tea.
7c

“I will discuss it all with my partner, Lethal and we will let you know what we decide.”

“Oh yes.  The Leprechaun.  And what will you do if he decides not to back your play?”

“You let me worry about that.  He is NOT part of the deal for you one way or the other.  He is MY partner, MY friend and is not, will not be involved or manipulated by you in any way.”

“As you wish, Impish.  Now, I’m afraid it’s time for me to return to my duties.”  Tiamat stood up, walked around the small table and leaned forward to whisper into Impish’s ear. “Take care of yourself my stalwart dragon.  You are very important to me.”  Cupping his chin with her hand, she turns his head, kissed him deeply on the lips, turned and left.

Impish sighed and swallowed the last of his coffee, turned into his large dragon self and flew off into the darkening sky.

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6 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1427

  1. PAUL says:

    AWESOME ISSUE – YET AGAIN – – am greatly enjoying the story line – very glad you survived your meeting with the queen…..

  2. PAUL says:

    I can’t remember if I was 14??? or only 13 that year????
    my how the time flies

  3. Leah Diane Hanson says:

    Thanks! I desperately needed the laughs!

  4. Ginny says:

    Nice job Impish, fun, informative and just enjoyable. xoxoxo

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