Good Morning Campers,

It’s Tuesday morning and I’m at home, rather than at Mr. Gray’s normal day job because of a wicked ass headache that gave me crap for sleep last night.  When your job involves making decisions that could affect many people’s lives and you are not at 100%, tis best served by staying home and suffering in silence.

My idea behind mentioning that is not to get the well-wishes that I’m sure many of you will send my way, in fact, by the time you read this it will all be in the distant past (I most sincerely hope!) and long forgotten by me.  But the reason I bring this up is to perhaps explain the bit of a maudlin mood I’m in and to share a bunch of pictures that Jean sent me that really hit home.

I just got through this past weekend, teaching class to a bunch of Air Force Reserve guys who are all getting activated and sent overseas.  In all my classes, my last little speech involves thanking them for their service and their sacrifices that they have voluntarily given and endured for the protection and the safety and security of all the rest of us.

Many of you know that both Lethal and myself have given of our own in the service of our country.  I, in my small way, am continuing to do what I can for my boys in blue and I know that Lethal has given so very much more than I have that it grips my heart at times to talk to him when I can hear the pain in his voice from the things that he has suffered over the years.

And then I get these pictures from Jean:

HAVE YOU SEEN ANY PHOTOS LIKE THIS IN THE LAST SIX YEARS?

There were many, many more pictures in the email she sent me and maybe I’ll sprinkle them out throughout the rest of the issue, but my emotional hold won’t let me continue to put them in right now.  Well, the answer to the original question, Have you seen any pictures like this over the last six years?, is a resounding no.  Any pictures you do see with the current commander in chief are staged and are obviously not the open, emotional pictures you see here.

Now, I was never a huge fan of Bush’s politics, although I wasn’t a big opponent either, but the one thing you have to say about the man, is that he knew how to properly show his affection for his military.  From sneaking overseas (yes, sneaking!) to have serve Thanksgiving to the troops…

to doing more with the wounded and disabled vets than any president before or since…

He was the military’s leader.  The Commander-In-Chief.

It breaks my heart that the men and women who are now serving, both active duty and reserves, in the Guard and the Guard Reserve, that they don’t have that Leader with the heart of a Warrior to, at the very least, let them know how much they are appreciated.  To let them know how much their sacrifices and their service means.

So,  if I may, and I know it’s not Veteran’s Day and I know it’s only coming from an ex-Air Force NCO and a current member of the United States of America who is one who benefits from your sacrifice and your service, let me take this opportunity to tell you that there are still people left in our country who DO appreciate what you do.  Who are eternally thankful that there are men and women like you, who are standing tall, keeping the watch and willingly putting your butts on the line to stand between us back home and the evilness in this world.  Thank you for your long hours, your dark nights, your numbing cold and your blistering heat.  Thank you for the sweat of your brow and the lion in your heart.

And thank your families who stand behind you and suffer along with you.  Who’s waking thoughts are of your safety and who’s final prayers before bed are for your welfare. 

Thank you.  From my heart.  Thank you.

 

We have some new Contributors!
Special thanks to : Philip S., Lona T., Karl K., Joe P., and Jon J.  So, here’s our list:

That’s 19 Contributions so far.  We still have a little time left if you wish to donate, still.  And get all the benefits thereof.  Please, won’t you please at least consider it?

Now…

I’m not sure that Bill got the desired affect he was looking for.

 

 

 

 

 

Winter is coming!

No, not on Game of Thrones, but it’s really coming.  Here’s a picture of some of my cooler friends from last years snow extravaganza.  Some of you may have remembered that party.  It was a really good one!

So sad, and so true.

Yup, makes perfect sense to me.  The art of distraction.  But, how stupid are we going to stay?

 

Just another one to keep you reminded.  This is the way it SHOULD be.

 

Ever wonder where the meat comes from on our table.  Here’s one of our huntresses.  Well, a pencil sketch of one of our huntresses, but it’s a really good likeness.

 

 

If you can sympathize with any of these, you’re probably as old or older than I am.

Yup.  Got most of them.

 

I’ve flown all over the world and have met many a fine inflight personnel.  This one though, is quite funny:

 

 

And here’s another one for my Dad.  Papa Dragon Most Senior.

The Gospel According to St. Andrew:

Okay, that’s the last one I’m going to share…but it is one of my favorite sets of pictures.

Get down you runt!

Super Turtle, huh?  Well, then fly!

Yup.  Been there, my friend.  Been there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I debated on whether to rant through this Last Word, or to publish someone else’s essay or to do something else…something else won out.  Here are some humorous pictures with a message…

Baffling, I know, but true none the less.  Don’t ask me why, since it’s the guns that are the problem, not the criminals.

Good question.  But, I’m sure we all know it’s the cops that are at fault.  Not the Hoodlums, and especially not the parents.

Yeah, because we all know how many problems Rednecks, Christians, Gun Owners and Cops create.

Shame on  you for putting that much pressure on your children.  Teaching them to behave all the time must have been devastating to their psyche. 

Oh, of course!  Terribly sorry.  We didn’t see the connection.  Now that we know that we can tell if your lying….what’s that?  How can we tell that you’re lying?  Because your mouth is open and you are talking.

And my favorite one by far!…

What a perfect comparison.

Well, did I make my point?

You have the power in your hands.  Know who you have to vote for and do so!

As you arrive Lethal while at the podium seems engrossed in something other than launching today’s issue at the moment on his tablet and headset.

“ Walk around is completed? Ok, then we’re good to go. Open front and rear bay doors then let’s run down the start up check list shall we? Rear are already open? Ok the we can get started while the front opens.”

1.)  Set Magical Power Unit Selector to ‘ALL’.
2.)  Spin up Quad Turbines to speed
3.)  Quad Turbine Engines Throttles to Idle Detent.
4.)  Switch Hydrazine and Nitro-methane Fuel Valve Selectors to ‘Mix 1 ‘.
5.)  Switch Fuel Flow Valves 1 thru 4 to ‘Open‘
6.)  We have ignition. Confirming all four turbines are lit.
7.)  All engine sensors nominal.
8.)  Tire Ice Spikes Deployment Master Safety to ‘Armed‘
9.)  Undercarriage Cattle Dragon Prods Master Safety to ‘Armed‘
10.) Switch Cattle Dragon Prods Output to ‘500KV‘.
11.) Pneumatic Meat Mallets Master Safety to ‘Armed‘
12.) Select Pneumatic Pressure Setting ‘Pummel‘
13.) Countermeasures Master Safety to ‘Armed‘
14.) Countermeasures Selectors to ‘Passive‘ and ‘Full‘
15.) Stealth and Refraction Cloak Master Safety to ‘On‘
16.) Engage Dragon Tracking Sensory Suite.
17.) Slave Dragon Tracking to Navigation Unit.
18.) Activate Heads Up Windshield Display.
19.) Standby for Systems Check- All system are confirmed nominal.

Megabus you’re clear to retract parking anchors and go for dragon hunting. Now, let’s go make sure a certain whiney dragon remembers what getting run over by a bus really feels like!

He looks up and notices you all sitting there expectantly, then down at the now mostly empty, even with extra chairs removed, Patrons Area snorts, shakes his head and mutters something about it being too much to expect someone to throw him an occasional “heads up!” bone.

Yeah ok as you probably guessed by now this is one of them open season on Impish issues.

Apparently ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ applies to dragons too except the rod gets replaced with a bus.  He had the temerity last week to suggest I threw him under a bus for pointing out the the safe under the kitchen floor story he ran was in fact a hoax. This even after I went out of my way to explain it wasn’t his fault. This leads me to believe I’ve been going so easy on him for so long he’s totally forgotten what being run over by a bus is like. Ergo he must be in desperate need of a strong reminder.

I should mention there area  few, late arriving September 11th inclusions this week that didn’t arrive in time for last weeks issue that were simply too good not to pass on so keep your Kleenex boxes handy.

You guys start on the issue, I’m going to monitor the hunt, uh…that is mass transit situation and I’ll catch up with you before the end.

Impish: Just two things-

a.) Don’t try to run or hide, you’ll only wind up run over and run down. This is all on your head after your remark in last weeks issue. So dragon up and take it like a whiney wuss.

b.) Pay close attention to the issue (well ok at least as close attention as is possible for you given your nanosecond attention span) because there will be a test afterwards and failing will definitely have painful repercussions

Impish has one that read Pizza or more accurately:

Last Living 9/11 Search And Rescue Dog Gets ‘Sweet 16’ Birthday Party

The last known living search and rescue dog who helped save survivors trapped in the rubble of the World Trade Center buildings on Sept. 11, 2001, is getting a very special birthday surprise.

Bretagne, as a member of Texas Task Force 1, and her mom/handler Denise Corliss had an unforgettable first mission together.

With nearly 100 other dogs, Bretagne joined search and rescue teams at Ground Zero to help locate survivors in the aftermath of the 9/11 terrorist attacks in New York City. Denise and Bretagne have been inseparable ever since.

Happy Birthday, Bretagne! You and all the other service dogs out there truly deserve it.

 

Neglected Ducks Get Their First Swim

 

CNN announced that they are changing the rules
for their upcoming GOP presidential debates.

The Top 5 New Rules for the CNN GOP Presidential Debate

5.  Trump cannot erect a great wall with a very big, very beautiful closed door between himself and the other candidates.

4.  Only Lindsay Graham can address someone with the phrase, “You go, girl!”

3.  Points are awarded for cleverness in avoiding the question.

2.  Absolutely no references to Erin Burnett’s appearance, attire or body parts. Seriously, just don’t do it, Donald. 

And the Number One New Rule for the CNN GOP Presidential Debate…

1. Rubbing Wolf Blitzer’s beard for luck allowed

What constitutes an ‘act of God’ for insurance purposes?

By Staff, Moneytips.com Posted: 09/03/15, 1:17 PM EDT | Updated: 4 days ago

“Acts of God”, for insurance purposes, are defined as events that occur through natural causes and could not be avoided through the use of caution and preventative measures. In essence, the phrase “Acts of God” refers to natural disasters.

The phrase generally brings to mind hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, hail, or floods. However, the lines can be fuzzier than most people realize.

For example, consider fires. An accidental fire in your home is not considered an Act of God because it could have been prevented, either by someone’s actions in starting the fire accidentally or poor workmanship during construction of the house. A fire caused by a lightning strike that consumes multiple homes, such as often occurs in the West, would be an Act of God. What happens when a similar fire is an act of arson?

The key is whether a human or humans could reasonably be considered at fault – at least until insurance companies find a way to sue God.

Now for the big question: is your car or home covered against Acts of God?

In both cases, the answer depends on what type of policy you purchased and the coverage and exclusions that it includes. Many Acts of God may be covered, but the definition of an Act of God is whatever your policy says that it is.

Generally, you will not see the phrase “Act of God” in policies, and perhaps not “natural disasters.” Policies tend to refer to specific risks or classes of risk as “perils.” Anything that is not spelled out as a specific exclusion or risk is subject to debate, and you can guess who will win that debate. It is important to ask for definitions to be spelled out before a debate on the subject becomes necessary.

While your policy may vary, several generalities are usually true with respect to Acts of God.

Flooding Is Not Usually Covered

Homeowner’s and auto policies generally do not include flooding in their policies. Homeowners in flood-prone areas have to seek flood insurance through FEMA’s National Insurance Flood Program. Auto insurance usually requires comprehensive coverage to pay on flood damage.

Auxiliary Damage Is Not Usually Covered

Your insurance company will be thinking, “Is there any way we can blame somebody else for this damage?” Let’s consider the example of a tree falling on your house as a result of a windstorm.

The default position is that you are “probably” covered for the damage under your insurance – but what if the tree was rotten? Should you have been expected to know that and have the tree removed? What if it is your neighbor’s tree? Would their insurance company be expected to pay instead?

Similarly, it is not unheard of to be covered for wind damage directly caused by a storm but not for any damage from subsequent flooding.

Where You Live Matters

Keep in mind that insurance is always based on risk assessment, and Acts of God are no different in that regard. For example, if you live in a tornado- or hurricane-prone area of the U.S., the risks are so high that coverage for those perils may not be standard.

Riders Are Available

Riders may be purchased as add-on policies for other risks such as earthquakes and sinkholes, as well as for normally covered perils – such as tornadoes if you live in a tornado-prone area and cannot get standard coverage with your homeowner’s policy.

Coverage for Acts of God is not always straightforward, and it is not usually in insurance company interests to make it so. The bottom line is to clarify, clarify, clarify.

Read your policy and make sure you understand all exclusions and the default position (whether unspecified Acts of God are considered covered or uncovered). It can make the difference between a relatively short recovery from a natural disaster and a prolonged battle with your insurer… a battle that you may ultimately lose.

Stuck In The Middle With You – Stealers Wheel

 

 

To achieve full understanding of this section I refer you to the comments section of Saturday’s Dragon Laughs.  the Readers Digest version is that Impish’s Pizza slice wasn’t what it appeared to be and I (feeling uncharacteristically  kind and sorry for his glutinous disappointment) promised to locate him a fell real deal Dragon sized slice options.

EH…16” pan I’d call that slice 18 x 16 so that only 144 sq. inches of pizza. that’s just a snack right big gut guy? Like them funky corner pieces when they square cut a pizza, which by the way is sheer pizza heathenism and tantamount to eating it with a knife and fork.

Ok that table is 3 foot square and the boarder is just shy of 3 inches so I’m going with that’s a 24 inch pan. A little measuring with my imaging program and I figure about 8 inches of pizza would be handing off when crust and pan edge were aligned. So now were up to 383 sq. inches of pizza. getting better, but still its just plan cheese pizza, right Sumo Stomach? 

Wow! NOW we’re getting someplace eh Blue Buddha Belly? That table is 5 foot x 3 foot. The pizza paddle is 2 foot square and its hanging off the sides at least 2 inches each side. That makes it 28 inches across the crust with at least a 10” hang over. A little number crunching and…. 475 sq. inches of pizza! Plus look at all the toppings and how thick it is. It has to be at least 3 times the thickness of the last 2 pieces. Now we’re getting closer don’t you think my greedy glutton?

Uhhh! Ut oh! Saliva booms and Industrial Wet Vacs to Conference Room we’ve got a Drool Spill! No worries folks! that foot high wall of Speedi-Dri should contain it until they get here, they’re waiting at the end of the hall because I feared this was going to happen.

OK this last one is a little easier, It’s square and I have hard measurements on it. It’s 54 inches square for 2916 sq. in. of pizza in the whole thing I’d say that slice is about half  the width by half the length so that’s 729 sq. inches of pizza. Now that’s a lot of pizza, but I only see two toppings, pepperoni and black olives and there’s no way its as thick as the previous one whose area I’m personally inclined to double because of its sheer height making it like 2 slices stacked on top of each other which would make it 950 square inches for it’s stomach effect. So he of the Titanic Tummy looks like you have a couple local options for getting your pizza pig out on what do you say pal? Impish? Impish?! Oh! I should have known!

While doing this feature I came across an interesting statistic. Drop this one the next time you run in to pick up a pizza at your favorite non chain pizzeria. Just maybe you’ll get something off on you pie.

 

What a coincidence! I say that about Impish ALL THE TIME!

Another “Aw F*%k” moment in time

Bird? No. Dragon? Yes! Speaking of birds-

We’ve had a few days respite from the 90’s and its been great, a little nonexistent in Texas taste of fall. That got me thinking of warm fall comfort foods like this one. 

Osso Buco

Can’t afford veal shanks? Neither can I! This works equally well with Beef shanks & Ox Tails. I’ve even had it once at a game dinner done with wild boar shanks.

Serve it with/over pashed potatoes with roasted garlic and parmesan (don’t waste the good stuff use the jar stuff for this!) or polenta (again with roasted garlic and parmesan). Molly loves Couscous and she buys an Herb & Mushroom flavor which she just loves this over.

I like to add some mushrooms about the last half hour of cooking and occasionally with swap the onions out for leeks if I have those and the shanks at the same time

Crusty bread is a must for soaking up all the juices and for the bone marrow!

Total Time: 2 hr. 15 min
Prep: 15 min
Cook: 2 hr.
Yield: 6 servings
Level: Easy

Ingredients

1 sprig fresh rosemary
1 sprig fresh thyme
1 dry bay leaf
2 whole cloves
Cheesecloth
Kitchen twine, for bouquet garni and tying the veal shanks
3 whole veal shanks (about 1 pound per shank), trimmed
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
All purpose flour, for dredging
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 small onion, diced into 1/2-inch cubes
1 small carrot, diced into 1/2-inch cubes
1 stalk celery, diced into 1/2 inch cubes
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 cup dry white wine
3 cups chicken stock
3 tablespoons fresh flat-leaf Italian parsley, chopped
1 tablespoon lemon zest

Directions

Place the rosemary, thyme, bay leaf and cloves into cheesecloth and secure with twine. This will be your bouquet garni.
For the veal shanks, pat dry with paper towels to remove any excess moisture. Veal shanks will brown better when they are dry. Secure the meat to the bone with the kitchen twine. Season each shank with salt and freshly ground pepper. Dredge the shanks in flour, shaking off excess.
In a large Dutch oven pot, heat vegetable oil until smoking. Add tied veal shanks to the hot pan and brown all sides, about 3 minutes per side. Remove browned shanks and reserve.
In the same pot, add the onion, carrot and celery. Season with salt at this point to help draw out the moisture from the vegetables. Sauté until soft and translucent, about 8 minutes. Add the tomato paste and mix well. Return browned shanks to the pan and add the white wine and reduce liquid by half, about 5 minutes. Add the bouquet garni and 2 cups of the chicken stock and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover pan and simmer for about 1 1/2 hours or until the meat is falling off the bone. Check every 15 minutes, turning shanks and adding more chicken stock as necessary. The level of cooking liquid should always be about 3/4 the way up the shank.
Carefully remove the cooked shanks from the pot and place in decorative serving platter. Cut off the kitchen twine and discard.
Remove and discard bouquet garni from the pot.
Pour all the juices and sauce from the pot over the shanks. Garnish with chopped parsley and lemon zest.

Swiped this one from Impish’s Wedding Album

 OK Impish! Here’s That test I warned you about!

In which issue, last weeks (#315) or this weeks (#316) did I “throw you under the bus”? That’s it, single question test, pass or fail.

Pass and the Megabus continues on its way and switches to running down race baiting, police hating blacktivists, Non melding Muslims and and hat in the ring for the Presidential nomination liberals. The Ambulance scoops you up and you get to meet Dr. Quackery’s two new nude nurses, Silky and Foxy.

Fail and I turn the bus around for another run. Sure it will take me most of two states and a week to do so but it will give you time to review and reflect on how you failed the test, to say nothing of heal up some.

I’ll be looking in the comments for your answer.

Good Morning Campers,

I FOUND IT!!! I FINALLY FOUND IT!!!  The pizza slice fit for a dragon!  I’ve got to make this intro quick, so I can track down where this picture came from!

This is awesome!  I’ll be back in a …. what’s that?
Ginny says that Lethal has made it so I can’t leave until my whole presentation is finished.
But…
But…
I was just gonna leave all these nice campers here reading the issue, find the pizza and be right back.
But…
But…

Okay, okay.  No buses!  I’ll go later.

I must say that the turn out for this year’s donation drive is a bit disappointing.  Not a single new person donated since Lethal’s issue on Wednesday.  So, even Ginny’s plea didn’t go over.

So, Ginny did a little something for me to try and drum up a few more donations.  With our four new people from last week added:  Donald G., Gail B., and Joseph C.

Sadly, only 14 people have donated for this year’s bills.  I think that is showing a lack of satisfaction with our site.  So, maybe that tells us that we aren’t reaching the people or satisfying them the way we used to.  Let us know you appreciate our work. 

It’s not the money, it’s the appreciation.

Now it’s time to move on, so…

 

How sad it is to work in an office with no humor.  Poor clowns.

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s a snapped photograph of me, just hanging around.  This was in one of my quiet, contemplative moods.

I know I don’t look contemplative or quiet, but that is how I look.  When I’m angry and reactionary, it is extraordinarily hard to get a picture of me, because most creatures are running for their lives.

As it is, I believe I ate the photographer after he took my picture, but going through his camera, I really liked this picture of me, so I kept it.

I kept the camera, too.  Sold it on ebay.

Well, honestly, had I eaten it, too, not only would I not have gotten this picture, but there’s a good chance the camera would’ve gotten stuck in my teeth.  You have  no idea how hard it is to find a tooth pick in my size!

See, no one knows how tough it is to be me!

Sigh!

 

Okay, it’s time to poke some fun at our politics.  This is an equal opportunity poking session.  It’s not my fault that all the poking seems to be pointed at the liberal left.  Truly it’s not.

My oh my.  Even Dorothy can see it in her “dreams”.

Way too much truth to be that funny, I know. 

And neither Brady nor Belichick will get in any trouble for under-inflating those balls, either.

 

And you know what, you two?  The American people are getting sick and bloody tired of it!

 

But really, what difference does it make now?

Bitch!

Can I get an AMEN!!! 

You should be worried.  You should be VERY worried!

See, I can pick on Trump, too.
And he swears it’s not a toupee.

 

Here’s a really cool graphic from our friends at makeuseof.com if you’re a Star Wars fan.  And who isn’t?

I had no idea!  I’m not really a video game player, my reactions are no longer as fast as they used to be and even on the easy settings, I find it frustrating to get killed as easily as I end up.  But, the books and the movies….yeah, I can do that.

And this one comes to us from Grumpy.  What?  You didn’t know that the Seven Dwarfs are part of our staff?  Well, you learn something new everyday, don’t ya!

Our Archery Coach.  She and her team have won many awards and our DL&LL School has taken first place ever since she has joined our school.  It just seems like the other team can’t seem to concentrate. 

 

Okay, so what’s with that?  Everyone who’s ever owned a cat has witnessed this phenomenon.  I’ve seen my dog do it, too, but not near as much as any cat I’ve ever owned.  Well, you don’t really own a cat, they are more like house guests that you are putting up with.

Some people say that cats can see ghosts or other “other-worldly” things.  As far as the dog goes, I just think she’s moronic.

What do you think?

 

This could easily fall under the category of “Oldie, But Goodie” because it’s been around for so long, but I think it’s still funny, so here you go.

I’m sure many of you saw or heard about Obama’s recent trip to the Alaskan Glaciers to reinforce “Global Warming”.  What a fucking hypocrite.  I could go on, but this essay on Minutemannews.com says it much better than I can…

WHAT A JOKE! The Real Scoop on Obama’s Trip to Look at Glaciers

It’s the law.  Sorry, but that’s how it is.

Dragons have a similar reaction to Dragons Bane.

Get down Charlie!  You’re going to ruin it for everyone!

 

George knew it was wrong, but the damn turtle was getting all the lime light and he’d had enough!

I know, right!  And hear colors!  That’s the loudest blue I’ve ever heard!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Football season officially started this Last Thursday night with Lethal’s favorite New England Patriots hosting the Pittsburg Steelers.

As for me, my Colts are playing Buffalo and my Packers are playing da’ Bears, both are on tomorrow at 1 pm.  With the new NFL Ticket that came free this year with DirecTV, I should be able to watch both of them.  I’m gonna try out that new picture-in-picture.  Woo Hoo!  I can’t wait!

 

 

 

 

My wife is weird, she starts every conversation with, “Were you even listening to me?”

 

Here is the perfect rendition of us at work:

 

Wayne was returning home from a business trip, bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage. Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. “Get in,” the driver ordered. “I’ll take you to your car.”

Startled, Wayne took a step backward. “Ah… no thanks,” he answered. “I can get there myself.”

“No!” the man barked back as he threw open his passenger side door. “Get In!”

Wayne’s eyes now darted around the garage, hoping to find a security guard. Just then, the driver’s face softened. “Please,” he said, “I’ve been driving up and down for two hours. I can’t find a space to park and I want yours.”

 

This one is dedicated to all you parents out there.  I’m pretty sure that school is back in session for everyone.  Ain’t it great!!!

 

 

What an excellent idea!  I’m definitely going to use that one on the littlest dragon!

Well folks, that’s it for today.  I hope I helped some of you laugh or at least have a pleasant morning.  Now I’m off to find that giant slice of pizza.

Don’t forget to hit the donate button at the top right and throw a couple of bucks our way.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

“That we we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain – that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.” Abraham Lincoln

So too is my resolve. So too should be the resolve of every American. not just once a year but everyday, every time you see or hear of a Muslim protest against the US , hear the words ‘Allahu akbar’, see or hear of a Muslim in the US demanding that we cater to his religion and/or Sharia Law, every time see a woman forced to wear the Hijab, despite not being Muslim or read of the oppression of women in general by the hypocritical ‘Religion of Peace’.

The events of September 11, 2001 are forever etched into the hearts and souls of the family members and loved ones of those who died, our nation, and the world. The United States experienced the worst incident of terrorism in its history; the coordinated hijacking of four commercial planes, the planned attack on symbolic targets, and the murder of innocent people were all tragic and shocking events. The extraordinary responses of individuals to the challenges they faced are inspiring and worthy of remembrance.

Sadly as time passes, fewer and fewer who are non directly linked can be bothered remember or even care. Lessons learned are forgotten, history repeats itself and we are lessened as a Nation for and by it.

On a last but far from least note I want to extend my genuine and heartfelt thank you to readers PaulK9 and Ginny. Their very kind and generous assistance made what is for me never an easy issue to author so much easier this year.It might not seem like a lot of what you sent me made it in her folks but believe me all of your support sure as hell did. Thank You.

Paul, of everyone I have met since that day, you are one of the few I know truly understands my feelings on the subject and knows first hand what facing something of that magnitude is like. Thanks for having my back on this.

Ginny darling’ you mischievous minx, a special thanks to you not only for the graphic which gave me the idea for the opening banner but for your apparently inexhaustible light hearted good humor (and teaching me humility daily with that damned trivia contest of yours!). Whenever this got too hard to contend with a few minutes reading your humor laden e-mails and responses made it a lot easier. Thanks for being a much needed ray of sunshine and for volunteering Paul’s help when I mentioned Impish and I decided there wasn’t going to be a special issue for this event this year.

For those of you who don’t know it, have forgotten or can’t even remember what they ate for breakfast today, every issue of Leprechaun Laughs since my first September 11th Memorial issue has opened with these words in memory of and personal admiration for Todd Beamer. These are the last words his wife heard at the end of his ‘good bye I love you but I think I’m about to die’ call.

Todd and a few others refused to go gently or meekly to their end. They went out like true American heroes fighting against the odds, refusing to give up because that’s what Americans due. We stand our ground, we draw a line in the sand and we refuse to retreat from confrontation regardless the odds. If their demonstration of American heroism isn’t worthy of admiration and remembrance I don’t know what is.

 Todd Morgan Beamer (November 24, 1968  – September 11, 2001) was an American software salesman and passenger aboard United Airlines Flight 93 which was hijacked as part of the September 11 attacks in 2001. He was one of the passengers who tried to reclaim the aircraft from the hijackers, leading them to crash it into a field in Stonycreek Township near Shanksville, Pennsylvania

The Shanksville Volunteer Fire Department is a volunteer fire department in Shanksville, Pennsylvania. The department provides fire protection and emergency medical services boroughs of Shanksville and Indian Lake as well as to the Stonycreek Township. The response area is approximately 62 square miles (160 km2) with an estimated 2,500 residents. Additionally the department is responsible for a 15-mile (24 km) stretch of the Pennsylvania Turnpike.

On September 11, 2001, the Shanksville Volunteer Fire Department responded to the United Airlines Flight 93 crash scene to search for survivors They found a smoking crater 8 feet (2.4 m) to 10 feet (3.0 m) deep, and 30 feet (9.1 m) to 50 feet (15 m) wide surrounded by burning wreckage of the aircraft. None of the 44 people on board survived. Flight 93 was one of four airliners hijacked that day as part of the al-Qaeda terror attack on the United States. It is widely held that the Flight 93 hijackers intended to use the aircraft to attack the United States Capitol building in Washington, DC. An assistant chief was one of the first on the scene, within seven or eight minutes. Firefighters from nine other local companies also came to the crash site.

New York City fire fighters donated a memorial made from a steel cross from the World Trade Center and mounted atop a platform shaped like the Pentagon. Hundreds of firefighters riding motorcycles escorted the beams from New York City to Shanksville. It was installed outside the firehouse on August 25, 2008.

 

Artistic Good News, and Bad News

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.

“I’ve got good news and bad news,” the owner replied.

“Give me the good news first,” the artist demanded.

“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed, “What could possibly be the bad news?”

“Well,” the gallery owner replied, “I have a buddy who’s a private investigator, and I had him look into the guy.”

“And…?” the artist says.

“He’s your doctor.”

Milwaukee Fire Department laid out 343 sets of fire gear
representing every single firefighter lost on 9/11.

Pretty sure most Dad’s have done more than a few of these too! 1,3,4,9,15,16,17,18 & 19 all seem likely candidates for Dads.

The Fall Foliage Prediction Map 2015 Edition

If you are a fan of Fall like myself, then this predictive fall foliage map via SmokyMountains.com will come in handy. The map “uses an algorithm to predict when leaves will peak in each area of the country,” according to Wes Melton, an engineer who worked on the map.

Factors such as temperature, the amount of sunlight, precipitation and moisture in the soil all affect how quickly the foliage will change.

http://smokymountains.com/fall-foliage-map/

 

The Islamic State might want to sit up and take note of this fact. Use a Ouija Board, consult a goat’s entrails, bang your heads against your pray rugs until you’re cross eyed and see if you can get through to Bin Laden or Hedeki Tojo in hell. See if either still thinks attacking the US was such a smart thing to do.

September 11th Organizations

http://www.survivorsnet.org/resources_other.html

The Cantor Fitzgerald Relief Fund (www.cantorrelief.com) was established on September 14, 2001 as a result of the tragedy at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. The goal of the fund is to provide direct assistance to those who lost loved ones in the tragedy. 100% of the money donated to the Cantor Fitzgerald Relief Fund is disbursed directly to the families and loved ones.

Since its establishment, Cantor Fitzgerald and the Cantor Fitzgerald Relief Fund have provided approximately $120 million in financial support for the families and loved ones of the 658 victims. Please consider making a donation to help assist the over 800 families and 950 children from 12 companies, who receive support from the Cantor Fitzgerald Relief Fund.

Families of September 11 (www.familiesofseptember11.org) was founded by families of those who died in the September 11 terrorist attacks. Membership is open to the families of victims of 9/11 and the related anthrax attacks as well as surviving victims. Other families affected by related acts of terrorism, as well as survivors, witnesses and others interested in advancing FOS11’s goals may join as associate members. We promote the interests of the victims’ families, particularly extended and geographically isolated family members, who may need counseling, information, connection, or other services. They also support public policies that focus on prevention of and response to terrorism and advocate for public awareness of the effects of public trauma on victims, their families, citizens and especially our children.

Hold The Door (http://www.holdthedoor.com/) creates communities around the globe that possesses the heart, compassion, and strength we felt immediately following September 11th. We are determined to inspire everyday heroes and teach people that staying connected and helping others will help them heal and grow through any loss.

September 11th Families Association (http://www.911families.org/index.html) supports victims of terrorism through communication, representation and peer support. Our mission is to unite the September 11th community, present evolving issues, and share resources for long-term recovery. Last year, this organization opened The Tribute WTC Visitor Center is a visitor and learning center that is opening September 2006. Located at 120 Liberty Street in New York across the street from the World Trade Center site, Tribute is a place where visitors can learn about the events of February 26, 1993 and September 11, 2001. Through the voices of many individuals in the exhibitions and programs, Tribute will inform, educate and provide a place for reflection. Their funding goes to support initiatives, programs and surveys connected with its mission and goals and especially to support their expanding web outreach to members in 47 states and 12 countries.

September’s Mission (www.septembersmission.org). September’s Mission is a nationally recognized nonprofit organization devoted to building a positive and meaningful legacy out of the events surrounding 9/11. In January 2004, September’s Mission received the support of New York Governor George Pataki and the LMDC for the 9/11 Campaign.

The 9/11 Campaign is a grassroots fundraising effort started by September’s Mission and the victims’ families who are committed to the future memorial at the World Trade Center site. Money raised through the Campaign will support an endowment fund; the purpose of which is to support educational and cultural programming at the future memorial. The beauty of an endowment fund is it provides stabile annual funding for programs through the interest generated on the principal donations. This means that long after we’re gone, a stable source of funding will be in place to fund educational and cultural programs. The Living Memorial – a project of September’s Mission in partnership with Pace University and the New York State Museum that was recently funded by the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation is an example of the types of projects and programs the 9/11 Campaign endowment fund can support. It is a first of its kind Internet-based project that will create a new paradigm for documenting and providing resources for interpreting history; reaching and teaching audiences of all ages around the world; and a critical way to promote healing with the families in the years it will take until the memorial is built and open to the public.

The Skyscraper Safety Campaign (http://www.skyscrapersafety.org/) was created by the Regenhard Family in memory of Christian Michael Otto Regenhard, a 28 year old Probationary Firefighter who remains missing at the WTC, along with his entire Engine Company 279, to this date. Originally conceived as “Parents of Probies”, to represent the 17 Probationary Firefighters lost at the WTC, the organization quickly expanded to include the families of all Firefighters, Emergency Workers, and civilian victims of 9/11. Co-Chairperson Monica Gabrielle lost her husband Richard, who was an employee of Aon Corp., WTC2/103 floor. He was last seen alive, waiting to be rescued, on the 78th Floor of Tower 2. He has not been recovered.

Tuesday’s Children (www.tuesdayschildren.org). To lose a parent under any circumstance is truly tragic. For the children of September 11th, the sudden and violent nature of their loss has become the overwhelming and defining characteristic of their lives. Tuesday’s Children, a nonprofit family service organization founded by family and friends of September 11th victims, has made a long-term commitment to safeguard the health, happiness and future of both individual and family. With a focus on family resiliency and strength through community, Tuesday’s Children, in partnership with recognized leaders in the fields of child development, family advocacy and mentoring initiatives, has developed an innovative platform of programs designed to address the ongoing needs of thousands of children coping with the worst tragedy in the history of our nation.

The Voices of September 11th (www.voicesofsept11.org/) was founded in October 2001 to provide resources, support and information to all those affected by the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The organization provides a wide-range of community-based services, programs and special events including support groups, lectures and forums. Voices acts as a clearinghouse by distributing 9/11 related information through the Voices Web site, newsletters, and mailings.

Voices advocates on behalf of all those affected by 9/11 with local, state and national organizations on a variety of 9/11 issues, including the development of the Memorial at the World Trade Center, the Victims’ Compensation Fund, promoting local and national preparedness and enhancing national security. Voices is also engaged with several leading 9/11 organizations including: The Family Advisory Committee for the Lower Manhattan Development Corp., Columbia University’s WTC Evacuation Study, the Family Steering Committee for the 9/11 Independent Commission and the Coalition of 9/11 Families, among others. Voices is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization serving over 4,000 members across the United States and around the world.

WTC United Family Group (http://www.wtcufg.org/) Founded in September 2001, the World Trade Center United Family Group, also known as the September 11th Education Trust, is a nonprofit organization comprised of September 11th families, survivors, rescue workers, and others impacted by the tragedy from throughout the United States.  Our organization, built on the principles of trust and shared experience, will meet the ongoing and evolving needs of the community.  Together, we will perpetuate the memory of the victims who were murdered on September 11, 2001, and harness the memory of that day and its aftermath to educate and inspire current and future generations. Our organization will serve as a living tribute. WTC United Family Group, through its programs and services, provides emotional support to individuals affected by the events of September 11, 2001, protects the legacy and memory of the victims of the attacks, ensures an authentic perpetuation of the historic events and promotes civic participation within our community and the general public. to the thousands of innocent men, women and children murdered on that historic day.

WTC Families for Proper Burial (http://www.wtcfamiliesforproperburial.com/) seeks to inform the general public of the injustice of leaving the ashen remains of those killed at the WTC in a garbage dump, the Fresh Kills landfill in Staten Island.The City of New York has taken the position that the ashen remains should not be removed from the landfill. The group includes 9/11 family members, friends, and concerned citizens from across the United States and abroad.

Six Moments of Silence Are Part of the 9/11 Anniversary Commemoration.

Observe moments of silence
Observe a moment of silence on September 11 at any or all of the following times marking key moments on 9/11. As in years past, the moments below will be observed as part of the official 9/11 anniversary ceremony held at the World Trade Center for victims’ families.

Here is the list:

– 8:46 a.m. eastern time: Hijackers crash Flight 11 into the north tower.

– 9:03 a.m.: Hijackers crash United Airlines Flight 175 into the south tower.

– 9:37 a.m.: Hijackers crash American Airlines Flight 77 into the Pentagon.

– 9:59 a.m.: The south tower collapses.

– 10:03 a.m.: Passengers launch a counterattack on hijackers aboard United Airlines Flight 93. The hijackers crash the plane into an empty field near Shanksville, Pa.

– 10:28 a.m.: The north tower collapses.

PLEASE! Won’t you join me in taking just 6 minutes out of your day, one day out of the year to remember and honor all those whose lives this tragic event claimed? PLEASE?

Yup I’m at it again, this time the BS flag is on Impish & his feature Saturday about the couple with the safe in the floor. I’m not going to go too hard on him though, since not only is he gullible, not to smart and easily distracted from the facts by the thought of buried money, but the entire hoax was done by a hoax community acknowledge pair of Master Hoaxsters with a clear track record of successful epic hoaxes in their past.

A couple, a safe full of cash, new details revealed

Pictured: John Resig, Annie Elias, and Chris Moeser.

I’d like to reveal the story about the young couple who discovered $50,000 in a kitchen safe was a hoax. Original story here.

It came to pass for a couple reasons. My brother Leo and I were known for pulling a few notable hoaxes once upon a time – The Donald Trump Tip Hoax, and HOPA Hoax: Girl Quits Her Job on Whiteboard. – After which the national media declared us incapable of pulling another one. They weren’t totally wrong, it’s been 5 years since I even attempted it.

Instead, we took what we learned about going viral and repurposed the technique to create theCHIVE’s flash charity model. Much more rewarding. Still, you never lose the itch.

Then there was some fortuitous construction at my new house. The previous owner had installed a safe in the wall and I wanted to throw it out. My general contractor said it was a nice safe and encouraged me to keep it. Sure why not. I asked him to hide it in the kitchen floor and I’ll keep my comic books in it. But once I saw it half-installed there a lightbulb flickered. The 8-year-old in me remembered watching Geraldo Rivera open Al Capone’s vault and wanted so badly for there to be something, anything, in that damn thing.

The details:

The Cash – My executive assistant, Annie Elias annoyed bank tellers across Austin for a few days looking for old $100 bills and both $2 and $5 Red Seal Notes. She did an amazing job. Behind the $100’s were just a lot of old $1 bills. Oldest trick in the book, I know, but still gets the job done.

The Bourbon – James E. Pepper bourbon fell on hard times and went out of business in 1958. My Uncle, Ed Logan, had purchased a bottle of the ’54 in the early 70’s. He gave it to me last year as a gift. Pepper’s history is fascinating. This is one of the last remaining bottles of that era in existence.

The Book – If you’re looking for rare oddities and antiques, I recommend Uncommon Objects on South Congress. We found the old photos of Vincent and the estate with that tree, as well as the flash cards and A Guide for the Perplexed at Uncommon Objects.

The Bingo Card – I just love playing Bingo and wanted an old Bingo card in the narrative somewhere.

I’ve had a blast watching the story circle the globe from AOL to Yahoo (8,000+ upvotes on reddit really did the trick) as well as reading the conspiracy theories that this might be a marketing campaign for James E. Pepper Bourbon or perhaps the Arizona Office of Tourism.

But it might be best to out this baby now to prevent treasure hunters from turning over Mesa, AZ, for a three-trunked tree that doesn’t exist. The Phoenix local news is even running stories.

It was unique little ruse and we had a lot of fun creating it. Back into hoax hibernation for another 5 years but not before finding a home for that cash – about $1,000 total, save for one $2 and $5 note, souvenirs for myself and Annie. Not exactly 50 grand but every little bit helps buy more dog and cat food at our favorite no-kill shelter, Austin Pets Alive.

Was funny to see the volunteers’ faces when we started offloading the cash, I’m half convinced they thought Annie and I had emptied out a safe or something?

Anyway, they really appreciated it. Have a relaxing weekend, everybody!

KCCO,

John

Yup another in a long history of tall tales sold sincerely by a fellow Texan. With John’s ginger hair and penchant for drinking, tall tales and pub life despite his last name I suspect strongly he’s got some good Irish blood in him. Especially since he nearly took me in too.

The ” M ” word…

by Jeff Foxworthy

The ” M ” word…
Have you ever wondered why it’s OK to make jokes about Catholics, the Pope, Jews, Christians, the Irish, the Italians, the Polish, the Chinese, the French (including French Canadians), the elderly, bad golfers, men/women , blacks/whites, etc, but its insensitive to make jokes about Muslims? Time to level the playing field and be politically correct by including the Muslims!

Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims:

1.     If you grow and refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor, You may be a Muslim.

2.     If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes, You may be a Muslim.

3.     If you have more wives than teeth, You may be a Muslim.

4.     If you wipe your butt with your bare hand but consider bacon to be unclean, You may be a Muslim.

5.     If you think vests come in two styles:  Bullet-proof and suicide. You may be a Muslim

6.     If you can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared jihad against, You may be a Muslim.

7.     If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing, You may be a Muslim.

8.     If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs, You may be a Muslim.

9.     If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four, You may be a Muslim.

If you find this offensive and don’t forward it, you are part of the problem in America !

If you delete this you are, most likely a Muslim.

The monument displayed in the above photographs, officially entitled “To the Struggle Against World Terrorism” (but also known as “The Memorial at Harbor View Park” or the “Tear Drop Memorial”), was dedicated at the northeast corner of Bayonne Peninsula in New Jersey on 11 September 2006, the fifth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on the United States.

The monument was the work of Russian artist Zurab Tsereteli, whose inspiration was described thusly in a brochure about the monument:

“To the Struggle Against World Terrorism” was conceived as the events of 9/11 unfolded and Russian artist Zurab Tsereteli walked the streets of Moscow. Struck by the outpouring of grief he observed, a memorial with an image of a tear formed in his mind. Shortly after the attacks, Tsereteli visited ground zero and looked to New Jersey’s waterfront for an appropriate site for a monument honoring victims of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks. Bayonne was a fitting location; the city was an arrival point for many New York City evacuees on 9/11, a staging area for rescuers, and offered a direct view of the Statue of Liberty and the former World Trade Center towers.
A gift from Tsereteli and the Russian people, the memorial is made of steel sheathed in bronze. Standing 100 feet high, its center contains a jagged tear. In it hangs a 40-foot stainless steel teardrop, representing sadness and grief over the loss of life, but also hope for a future free from terror. Etched in granite on an 11-sided base are the names of the nearly 3,000 killed in the 1993 World Trade Center bombings and terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001.

Photographs of the monument’s construction (as well as the finished version of the memorial) can be viewed at the 911 Monument web site.

Firenado! 800,000 gallons of Jim Beam accidentally released into a Kentucky lake bursts into flames after being hit by lightning… before a tornado sucks the flaming liquid 100 feet up into the air

• The freak weather destroyed a warehouse in Kentucky holding bourbon
• The inflammable spirit flowed into a nearby creek towards a lake
• A lightning strike then set fire to the bourbon on the lake’s surface
• A small tornado sucked up the flaming liquid and set fire to nearby trees

A Jim Beam warehouse in Kentucky was struck by lightning releasing 800,000 gallons of bourbon into a nearby lake. Then, the lake was hit by a ‘firenado’ setting the inflammable liquid alight. 

The firenado was caused when a bolt of lighting hit the ground setting a fire which was in the path of a tornado, which sucked up the flames, creating a terrifying spiraling inferno. 

A video of the dramatic scenes has been viewed more than four million times on the internet.

 

According to The Weather Channel, a firenado can grow up to 100 feet tall. 

After the warehouse was damaged, the bourbon flowed into a nearby lake, which was then struck by lightening. 

A small tornado passed over the scene, sucking up the flaming spirit and spreading the fire further.

Despite being the victims of a lightning strike, Jim Beam are facing damages of $70,000 for polluting the nearby creek which led to major fish kills.

Steve Buscemi has never been one of my favorite actors, and generally speaking any character he plays I want to end in as hideous a fashion as possible. However after researching this and finding it to be true I have a new found total respect for him just like I do  his fellow New Yorkers Denis Leary, Joe Mantegna, Gary Sinise. From now on like his acting or his characters or not I’m going to make a point of watching every movie he makes.

In 1976 Steve Buscemi took the FDNY civil service test when he was just 18 years old. In 1980 Steve Buscemi became a New York City Firefighter.
For four years, Buscemi served on one of FDNY’s busiest, Engine Co. 55 in Manhattan’s Little Italy. He later left the fire service to become a successful actor, writer and director.

After 9/11/2001… Brother Buscemi returned to FDNY Engine 55.
On September 12, 2001 and for several days following Brother Steve worked 12-hour shifts alongside other firefighters digging and sifting through the rubble from the World Trade Center looking for survivors.
Very few photographs and no interviews exist because he declined them.

He wasn’t there for the publicity.

In 2003 he also gave a speech at a union rally supporting higher wages for firefighters and to stop fire houses from closing. He got arrested along with other firefighters.

Also not very well known is that in 2012 Brother Buscemi showed up in Breezy Point, NY and quietly assisted in the clean-up efforts of the damage and mass destruction left by Super Storm Sandy.

Once a brother, always a brother!

Just so we’re clear… this guy is a Badass !!!

Tip of the helmet Brother Steve!

Actor Steve Buscemi (pronounced “buss-ehm-ee”) has had a long and varied career in television and films since breaking into the acting business in the mid-1980’s, best known for playing darker roles such as Carl Showalter, one of the two kidnappers in the 1996 crime drama Fargo, Tony Blundetto, the cousin of mob boss Tony Soprano in the 2004 season of the HBO television series The Sopranos, and politician/gangster Enoch ‘Nucky’ Thompson in the current HBO series Boardwalk Empire.

Moreover, although he had long since left the FDNY and established himself as a leading actor by then, immediately after the 9/11 terrorist attacks on New York in September 2001 Buscemi returned to Engine Co. 55 and spent several days working lengthy shifts with other FDNY firefighters (without publicity), helping to sift through the rubble of the destroyed World Trade Center:

The day after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, Steve Buscemi, who worked as a firefighter from 1980-1984, showed up at his old fire station, Engine Company No. 55 in the Little Italy section of New York.

For the next week he worked 12-hour shifts, digging through the rubble trying to find the bodies of missing firefighters, all the while refusing to do interviews or have his picture taken.
“

It was a privilege to be able to do it,” the 45-year-old actor said. “It was great to connect with the firehouse I used to work with and with some of the guys I worked alongside. And it was enormously helpful for me because while I was working, I didn’t really think about it as much, feel it as much.
“It wasn’t until I stopped that I really felt the full impact of what had happened. It would have been much harder for me to get through it if I hadn’t been able to do that.”

Steve for your continued loyalty and dedication to NYC, for your doing what was right and doing it solely for that reason I salute you.

 

  What?! WHO IN THE HELL GAVE GINNY’S SCANTILY CLAD BUTT NOT ONE BUT TWO MINI UZIS! IMPISH I SMELL YOU ALL OVER THIS I KNOW SHE HAS YOU WRAPPED AROUND HER LITTLE FINGER! THOSE THINGS BETTER BE AIRSOFT!

Anyway, moving oh whilst taking cover, I received a memo from Impish this past week, written on a napkin in some sort of red sauce apparently by a claw. I say red sauce because I wasn’t sure if it was BBQ, Chili, Salsa, Catsup, Pasta Sauce, or knowing Impish’s gastronomic leans, a mix of all the above.

It was pretty brief and to the point, though far from any pretension to eloquence, reading:

Hey Lethal!

Why you no give mention of fund raise drive us on last issue? Us need more funds pay mean WordPress.  We get hardly any peoples dis time yet. Make grouch growls like at me but at dem not me.

I.D.

So there I was about to be stuck writing a plea for donations, something I hate doing pretty much more than anything (save being forced to concede or agree with a liberal’s point). I was wondering how long I could get away with taking a play from Impish’s excuse book and saying it was due to my injured hand and would be at least another week when Friday brought me a copy editing folder. She said that Ginny had left it for Impish and I to look over. This highly unusual turn of events caused me to stop a moment and check the folder’s contents. At once with a just little Cut Copy & Paste plus a wee editorial commenting (seen in green) I had my way out of my predicament.

So here is Ginny’s version of the logic behind why you should donate to our current once yearly fund raising drive:

Impish Dragon and Lethal Leprechaun realized that they had never received any donations from the town’s second (let’s not forget I’m the most successful lawyer around here!) most successful lawyer. Diaman and Ginny in charge of yearly contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

 

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity or Dragon Laffs, the best and FREE e-zine published.  Wouldn’t you like to give a donation this year?

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the girls as reps  of Dragon Laffs mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken girls began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated girls, completely beaten, said simply, “We had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut them off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to DRAGON LAFFS??” 

“Well” they responded, “you have such a sad family situation.  Dragon Laffs will bring laughs to you twice a week to help you deal with life’s hardships.  I’m sure you could

donate at least or more for the joy they will bring you twice a week.  Not to mention full access to their Kingdom Fiefdom (or should that be Thiefdom? Either way we’re not kings as kings are rich and we are anything but!) and VIP treatment in all their weekly/special/holiday affairs.”

I see no reason to expound upon what Ginny has said other than to make one point she isn’t privy to. Namely the minimum acceptable participation level. We wound up having to go this route the last time and judging by the result of Impish’s pleading for two straight weeks we are going to have to do it again.

We’ve got 449 signed up subscribers according to the blog site. Just like last year I’m declaring the minimum acceptable participation level to be 5% of the membership, or 25 people.  We don’t require Vet’s, those living on fixed incomes, or who do to health care expenses can’t afford it to donate so I preapplied the same estimated credit we did to the numbers last time.  Out of 449 people out there I’m positive there are 25 that can spare a lousy buck to show their support.  It’s not about how much money we can raise. Yes, we have costs, in truth what we raise only partially covers those as we don’t factor in wear & tear on out personal equipment, personal time, any of the associated costs in maintaining our own internet connection to be able to post the issues or annual licensing fees for some of the software used.

It IS about participation and showing support, not being a ‘welfare’ entertainment source and knowing that our personal sacrifices of time effort and monies are appreciated enough by the readers that once a year a paltry 10% can be bothered to send us less than a cup of coffee ($1.00) to show their support. On a regular average only 15 of you, just 3% can even be induced to be bothered enough to click the star rating system for the issues regularly like we asked and that costs you nothing. Little things like that make us ask why we’re doing this and if its fair for the same same number of people to donate time after time (many of whom are of circumstances that give them a free pass according to our policies) while the rest of you freeload. For those loyal few we can easily make other arrangements.

So once again, I’m directing Impish to draw a line in the sand with his tail (ok it’s a fat tail and the line IS more of a trench but you get the idea). You’re reading these remarks on the 9th of September the fund raising is open until the 30th. As of Saturday the 5th we had 10 people donate, that’s roughly 1/4 of the way to the goal of 45 people. You’ve got 21 days remaining to get to the goal. Remember like I said its NOT about how much you send, we’ll be ecstatic to receive just a single dollar. It’s about a minimally acceptable to us level of membership participation. Many of you have stated you agree with the points of view we expound, so presumably that extends to the welfare state, well it’s time to prove it.

[Fat tail!!!!  I’ll have you know that my tail is very svelte!- I.D. 

Oh I agree completely, compared to Barney’s or Godzilla’s tail it is a (relatively) svelte tail. – L.L 

Can I hide in here with you? I think I might have accidentally given Ginny the wrong guns and now she thinks she’s a mafia gun moll! HEY! When diiiid yoooou geettt aaaa traappppdooorrr installlllle d???– I.D. ]

AHEM! Now I don’t want to be seen as making threats here about withdrawing my participation, us throwing in the towel entirely etc. etc., ad nauseum, ad infinitum. That’s not what this is about.  As I have said, its about  you showing your support for us and what we do, its about demonstrating to us our worth to you a single time in a year since the majority of you can’t be bothered enough to use the free star system on the site to show your support on a weekly basis. Frankly and bluntly folks, its about demonstrating to us we’re not wasting our time and yours with this blog that you are committed enough in your devotion to it to do this small thing for us.

If the minimum isn’t reached what then? I honestly do not know. Impish and I are in agreement not to have any sort of discussion about the outcome of this goal setting until the fat non anorexically tailed dragon has finished roaring out the tally. Frankly, I see no point in doing so because we were easily able to reach the goal last year and it has change by exactly a count of 2 this year so from where I sit there is no reason we cannot make it again this year.

You hear a hum followed by a click and then Lethal’s voice over the PA: “Attention Ginny the Jersey Gun Moll! Impish is hiding in the Editing Department!”

Good Morning Campers,

Before we go any further in today’s issue, I’d like to start right off with recognition as to the new people who’ve been added to the list of full member/patrons:

Leah H
Steven H
Henry C
Margaret C

That brings our total number of contributors to 10.
Just think.  You too can be a full member, with all the benefits and rights, plus have the use of all the facilities, including the “breaking you out of jail” program used so successfully on me in Gitmo.  How much will all that cost you?

The answer will shock you!

As much as you want, as little as $1! 

Just click the box next to this issue where it says donate and you can go through PayPal or write to me at impishdragon@gmail.com and I’ll give you a snail mail address where you can send cash, check or money order.

It’s that easy.

Come on now.  Honestly. Don’t we ALL know someone at work that’s likely to die in a work place accident that any idiot could have avoided?  That guy who gets a paper cut while working on his computer?  The guy who could drown at the water cooler?  Or maybe the one who gets third-degree burns from the copy machine?  Yeah…we all know one… or more.

 

And under the category of “Why the hell can’t something like this happen to me?”  Here’s this story from Jean:

Couple makes life-changing discovery in kitchen safe

When Eddie, 29 and Angie, 26 were renovating their kitchen in their Phoenix, AZ home, they made an incredible discovery that left them shocked and overjoyed.

The couple had been living in their home for two years when they decided to renovate the kitchen themselves. During the demolition, they found a mysterious safe built into the floor that had been tucked away under the kitchen island.

They remembered that they had found a safe code in the back of a medicine cabinet when they first moved into the house. They hadn’t found the safe but held onto the code.After about six tries, the couple was able to open the safe. They stared at the findings in disbelief.

Perched inside the safe was a pile of $100 bills. After counting the money, they realized that they had discovered $51,080 hidden in their home.

In addition to the money, the couple found a sealed bottle of James E Pepper and a book titled “A Guide for the Perplexed” by E.F. Schumacher. The book was published in 1977.

Upon further digging, the couple found a note in the book that read:

“Alan,

I have a book you must read. I’ve underlined a few key passages.

Your friend,

Vincent”

This couple is now $51,080 richer and has an awesome new kitchen! We’d call that a pretty successful afternoon.

I think I agree with Jean, who wrote that she wouldn’t have told the media about it.  Because you know, Uncle Sam is going to try and get at least half of that in some sort of “found money tax” or some such nonsense.  And you know there are going to be a butt-load of Alan’s and Vincent’s that pop out of the woodwork that say that all of that belongs to them.  Yeah, I’m a bit on the pessimist side this morning…or maybe just a realist.

Well, maybe a couple of these are true.  I am thankful for waking up on the right side of the sod every morning.  and I am thankful for my dreams that have turned into reality, although, at this very moment I’m having difficulty coming up with an example of one of my dreams coming to reality, but I’m still holding out on that one where I’m finally recognized for my tremendous contributions to the betterment of the country in my work life and the betterment of mankind in my blog life and winning the Peace Prize.  Hey, if Obama can do it for doing Nothing-At-All, then I’ve got a pretty good chance!

 

One of I and Mrs. Dragon’s favorite past times is spotting mistakes in movies.  You know what I mean, like when a guy in one scene is smoking a cigar and you see him put it out and then in the next scene he still has the cigar.  Yeah, that sort of thing.  Well, Kim Komando spotted this video on YouTube and I’m sharing it here with you.

I didn’t know about any of these.  But, they are pretty funny.  My own personal favorite is in Twister, when they are driving the red truck down the dirt road and get caught up by the water.  You know the part.  Where they say, “We’ve got cows.” Right, that part.  Well, on the drive up to that spot they are on a dirt road, but when the cut to the interior shot of the truck, you can see like a major highway out the window and then they cut back to the dirt road again.  This goes on for like two or three camera changes.  It’s pretty subtle, so you have to watch for it.

and here’s a section that we all like watching for…

Another representation of Diaman and I that one of our students drew.  I think he did a great job!

 

Thanks to my dad for these funny ones from the old TV Show Hollywood Squares:

In the 1960s there was a US TV game show called Hollywood Squares .

Basically stars were asked questions by the host, and the contestants had to guess whether their answer was correct or not.

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be ?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde:Loneliness.
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?
A. Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?
A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at Nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he
trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him .

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

I don’t know about you, but they sure cracked me up!

Ain’t it the truth!  And I gotta tell you.  An awful lot of us are getting sick and damn tired of the double standard coming out of our supposed “leaders”!

It’s amazing how many people recognize the same thing!

 

And this one comes from our own dear, sweet Diaman:

Alright, that’s enough of that, let’s get back to the funny stuff!!

 

One of the things that you’ll find as you wonder around the premises here at DL&LL Enterprises is that we have security (those are the guys that you don’t normally see until they’re needed) and we have hospitality.  Now, usually the hospitality folks can be recognized by one of a few different means.  In the above picture, we know that Diane is a member of hospitality because of her halo.  Now, the halo normally makes people think of good, and Diane is very, very good.  Think of our hospitality folks as the greatest concierge you’ve ever heard of.  They can get you anything, anywhere at anytime.  Or … at least, they have the best chance of getting it for you.

Let’s say you want a frozen banana covered in chocolate rice pudding at 3 am.  She could handle that with no problem.  But, if you wanted a motorized pogo stick ridden by a red headed kobald with a 45 inch chest, she’d probably call security to have you escorted out of the place. 

Why?

Because everyone knows that red-headed kobalds are left wing socialists who would want to move their whole family into your room and have you pay all the expenses. 

Anyway, you get the idea.

 

This is so true for me.  I’m not a morning person.  Never have been, never will be.  I’m much better at 10 pm than I am at 10 am.  Mrs. Dragon and I have been married for 20 years and, bless her heart, she still forgets this important fact about me.  On the weekends, she’ll be up in the morning when I am sometimes (not during the week because I get up at Oh-Dark-Hundred to go to work) and I’ll be enjoying my first cup of coffee and she’ll be chatting away with me, talking about our day and what she’d like to do and I have to remind her.

“Sweetheart, you know you’re wasting your time.  I’m not taking in ANYTHING that you’re saying right now because I’m still working on my first cup of coffee.  You’re only going to have to say everything all over again later, so why don’t we just sit here in companionable silence and enjoy our coffee.”

Now, written, that may sound somewhat nice, but when it comes out as a low growl from my morning voice, it really doesn’t come off that way.  And as you probably figured, it doesn’t really start our day off as pleasantly as you might think.

Yeah.

I’m one of THOSE people.

 

Final arrangements.  One of the dumber things this world has invented and we go along with.  I told Mrs. Dragon that I’d like to be cremated.

Why?

Because that body is not me anymore.  I’ve gone.  And without getting into WHERE I’ve gone, suffice it to say that I’m not in there anymore.  So go with the cheapest way of getting rid of my remains as possible.  If you could get away with putting my body in a dumpster or a landfill somewhere, that would be fine with me.  My body will decompose and I’ll make fabulous mulch someday.

But, when I miss you, I want somewhere to go to visit you. 

Then go somewhere we used to enjoy going together.  Go where we had our first kiss.  Go where we used to slip away to to be alone.  Go eat our favorite food, drink our favorite wine or leaf through a photo album.  Don’t put yourself $10,000 in debt to get rid of a body that I don’t need anymore.

That’s just my thoughts.  Any responses?

 

Musta been one hell of a party.

 

Warning: Prepare to have your blood sugar raised to astronomical heights with this super sweet video. 

 

 

 

One of the greatest jokes I’ve ever heard.  Man, I wish I could think this fast!

 

 

Ok.  I found this next video very interesting, especially since I seem to use the term all the time…even when I’m writing…since I tend to write as I speak…it’s okay … ok?

 

Exactly!  I go out to the back porch.  Grab a cigar and a cup of coffee.  Bring my Kindle.  And you are looking at one content dragon.

I had a guy at work notice that I bring my kindle with me everywhere.  Because I believe that even while standing in line, it’s better to get a few paragraphs read then doing something mindless on my cell phone.  He asked me how many books I read.  I told him that I believe I average about 2.5 books a week.  My record is 11 books in one week and very, very rarely does a week go by that I don’t finish at least one. 

And that’s another reason for owning a Kindle.  Two reasons ….#1, if I had to pay full price for all the books I read, I’d be perpetually in the dog house.  #2, I’d need another house just to store all the books.  Let’s take that out to it’s logical conclusion.  I’ve always been a big reader.  I started reading at a very early age because my mom read to me at bed time and encouraged me to read on my own.  (Parents are you listening?)  But, let’s say that I’ve been reading for 50 years.  And let’s say that my overall lifetime average is 2 books a week.  At that rate we get 108 books a year or about 5400 books.  Really seems like it should be more than that.  But at an average cost of $6.99 for a paper back book that’s $37,746. 

Not saying I spent that much, just looking at some numbers here.  Because I am a BIG believer in public and school libraries!

Now, at an average of $0.99 for an eBook (most of them I have have been free.  Mostly because I am Lethal’s Book Bitch and he feeds my habit) anyway, that comes to a (comparatively) paltry $5346.

Lethal, close your mouth.

Lethal is in shock right now, because he never thought that I would publically admit that I am his book bitch.  Sad but true.

But the amazing part of this whole conversation is that I went from a cartoon about sitting outside to where we ended up with book bitches.

Sigh.

 

 

So, this just recently came out.  If you need another reason to vote for Trump for president:

Now, if we can just get him to move back to Africa if ANY republican is elected, I’ll pay for the damn plane ticket myself!

 

There’s a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running “a bit peaked.”

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

“Ah,” the fighter pilot remarked, “the dreaded seven-engine approach.”

Since Lethal sent this to me the premise is that the military pilot is actually a Marine Pilot…and I wouldn’t doubt it.  But, it’s a funny joke regardless.

 

Once again, we come to the part of the show that I look forward to every week.  Motivational posters have given me more chuckles than any other kind of cartoon.  Here’s a couple of good ones from my collection:

 

 

Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.

 

 

When the zombie apocalypse finally happens, I’m moving to Washington D.C. I figure the lack of brains there will keep the undead masses away.

 

 

 

Special thanks to our Girl Ginny for most of these one liners.

 

Well, it’s the Labor Day Weekend and in celebration, we here at DL&LL Enterprises will take this last opportunity to have our traditional End Of The Summer weekend blast.

We are celebrating Labor Day by NOT publishing a special Labor Day issue, but instead, relaxing from our labors and spending time with our friends and family.

This will be the last party that the old patrons will get to enjoy their patron status, unless of course, they have re-donated again this year.  We also wish to invite our new year patrons that have contributed so far to our cause. 

We will be opening some new sections of our compound to the patrons and in celebration of National Book Week this week, here’s a picture of our newly opened library.  One of my favorite spots in the whole compound.

The artwork is stunning, the collection incomparable and the atmosphere, perfect.  If you love books and reading, you’ll love spending time in our new library.

There will be the normal cook outs, games, drinking, debauchery, food and fun.  But, it will all be overlaid by a labor free weekend.  Most of the staff will have a long weekend and most of the party will be self-serve and volunteer served.  Please treat the people who are running the games and doing the cooking and what little serving will be done, nicely.  They are giving of their time so the rest of us can relax and be labor free. 

I will be volunteering this afternoon to the barbeque.  I will be supplying both the heat and my cooking expertise to the traditional burgers, dogs, brats and chicken.  But, do me a favor and go by the Italian section and try some of my homemade lasagna.  I prepared it the night before so all the flavors could blend and sit overnight and now they will be baking them as needed so everyone can have a fresh hot slab of my world famous lasagna.  It’s actually called “Lasagna-Bob” (named after Mr. Grey) and world renowned.  Go ahead.  Google it.  Google Lasagna Bob and see what you come up with.  LOL!

So, to round out today’s issue, let’s talk just a little bit about Labor Day and then we’ll send you on your way to enjoy your (hopefully) long weekend.

Not surprisingly, we go to the Department of Labor’s website to discover the meaning of Labor Day. 

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

Well, in that regard, I guess the cartoon is right.  It’s a celebration of work!  Started by the Labor Movement and put into law as a national holiday June 28, 1894.  So this year is the 121st anniversary. 

Never more necessary and celebrated than during the two great wars that rocked our nation and the number and variety of people who stepped up to create and maintain one of the hugest war fighting machine creations the world has ever seen.

For many families, it’s the last road trip of the summer.  The last hurrah.  The huge rush and hard work put into … not working.  Now to this dragon, that doesn’t make much sense.  Sure, some preparation and effort needs to go into having a good time and relaxing, but this dragon prefers the stay at home, spend time with family and friends weekend, rather than the rush to DO THINGS weekend.

Sadly, for some, Labor Day is just another way to remind them of how tough things are right now for many people. 

And for some of us, another reminder of the fact that, due to the administration’s current policies, we are working hard for not only our families, but for some other illegal’s or entitlement’s family.  For them we wonder, do they even know what the word LABOR means?

But for now, lean back, put all that behind you for the weekend, grab a beer and a brat and forget about all that stuff for the weekend.

Until we meet again next week, I remain, cheerfully yours…