Leprechaun Laughs # 316 for Wednesday Sept 16 2015


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As you arrive Lethal while at the podium seems engrossed in something other than launching today’s issue at the moment on his tablet and headset.

“ Walk around is completed? Ok, then we’re good to go. Open front and rear bay doors then let’s run down the start up check list shall we? Rear are already open? Ok the we can get started while the front opens.”

1.)  Set Magical Power Unit Selector to ‘ALL’.
2.)  Spin up Quad Turbines to speed
3.)  Quad Turbine Engines Throttles to Idle Detent.
4.)  Switch Hydrazine and Nitro-methane Fuel Valve Selectors to ‘Mix 1 ‘.
5.)  Switch Fuel Flow Valves 1 thru 4 to ‘Open
6.)  We have ignition. Confirming all four turbines are lit.
7.)  All engine sensors nominal.
8.)  Tire Ice Spikes Deployment Master Safety to ‘Armed
9.)  Undercarriage Cattle Dragon Prods Master Safety to ‘Armed
10.) Switch Cattle Dragon Prods Output to ‘500KV‘.
11.) Pneumatic Meat Mallets Master Safety to ‘Armed
12.) Select Pneumatic Pressure Setting ‘Pummel
13.) Countermeasures Master Safety to ‘Armed
14.) Countermeasures Selectors to ‘Passive‘ and ‘Full
15.) Stealth and Refraction Cloak Master Safety to ‘On
16.) Engage Dragon Tracking Sensory Suite.
17.) Slave Dragon Tracking to Navigation Unit.
18.) Activate Heads Up Windshield Display.
19.) Standby for Systems Check- All system are confirmed nominal.

Megabus you’re clear to retract parking anchors and go for dragon hunting. Now, let’s go make sure a certain whiney dragon remembers what getting run over by a bus really feels like!

He looks up and notices you all sitting there expectantly, then down at the now mostly empty, even with extra chairs removed, Patrons Area snorts, shakes his head and mutters something about it being too much to expect someone to throw him an occasional “heads up!” bone.

Yeah ok as you probably guessed by now this is one of them open season on Impish issues.

Apparently ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ applies to dragons too except the rod gets replaced with a bus.  He had the temerity last week to suggest I threw him under a bus for pointing out the the safe under the kitchen floor story he ran was in fact a hoax. This even after I went out of my way to explain it wasn’t his fault. This leads me to believe I’ve been going so easy on him for so long he’s totally forgotten what being run over by a bus is like. Ergo he must be in desperate need of a strong reminder.

I should mention there area  few, late arriving September 11th inclusions this week that didn’t arrive in time for last weeks issue that were simply too good not to pass on so keep your Kleenex boxes handy.

You guys start on the issue, I’m going to monitor the hunt, uh…that is mass transit situation and I’ll catch up with you before the end.

Impish: Just two things-

a.) Don’t try to run or hide, you’ll only wind up run over and run down. This is all on your head after your remark in last weeks issue. So dragon up and take it like a whiney wuss.

b.) Pay close attention to the issue (well ok at least as close attention as is possible for you given your nanosecond attention span) because there will be a test afterwards and failing will definitely have painful repercussions

Lets Roll 66

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Impish has one that read Pizza or more accurately:

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Last Living 9/11 Search And Rescue Dog Gets ‘Sweet 16’ Birthday Party

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The last known living search and rescue dog who helped save survivors trapped in the rubble of the World Trade Center buildings on Sept. 11, 2001, is getting a very special birthday surprise.

Bretagne, as a member of Texas Task Force 1, and her mom/handler Denise Corliss had an unforgettable first mission together.

With nearly 100 other dogs, Bretagne joined search and rescue teams at Ground Zero to help locate survivors in the aftermath of the 9/11 terrorist attacks in New York City. Denise and Bretagne have been inseparable ever since.

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Happy Birthday, Bretagne! You and all the other service dogs out there truly deserve it.

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Neglected Ducks Get Their First Swim

 

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CNN announced that they are changing the rules
for their upcoming GOP presidential debates.

The Top 5 New Rules for the CNN GOP Presidential Debate

5.  Trump cannot erect a great wall with a very big, very beautiful closed door between himself and the other candidates.

4.  Only Lindsay Graham can address someone with the phrase, “You go, girl!”

3.  Points are awarded for cleverness in avoiding the question.

2.  Absolutely no references to Erin Burnett’s appearance, attire or body parts. Seriously, just don’t do it, Donald. 

And the Number One New Rule for the CNN GOP Presidential Debate…

  1. Rubbing Wolf Blitzer’s beard for luck allowed

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stickers-fucking-consumers

What constitutes an ‘act of God’ for insurance purposes?

By Staff, Moneytips.com Posted: 09/03/15, 1:17 PM EDT | Updated: 4 days ago

“Acts of God”, for insurance purposes, are defined as events that occur through natural causes and could not be avoided through the use of caution and preventative measures. In essence, the phrase “Acts of God” refers to natural disasters.

The phrase generally brings to mind hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, hail, or floods. However, the lines can be fuzzier than most people realize.

For example, consider fires. An accidental fire in your home is not considered an Act of God because it could have been prevented, either by someone’s actions in starting the fire accidentally or poor workmanship during construction of the house. A fire caused by a lightning strike that consumes multiple homes, such as often occurs in the West, would be an Act of God. What happens when a similar fire is an act of arson?

The key is whether a human or humans could reasonably be considered at fault – at least until insurance companies find a way to sue God.

Now for the big question: is your car or home covered against Acts of God?

In both cases, the answer depends on what type of policy you purchased and the coverage and exclusions that it includes. Many Acts of God may be covered, but the definition of an Act of God is whatever your policy says that it is.

Generally, you will not see the phrase “Act of God” in policies, and perhaps not “natural disasters.” Policies tend to refer to specific risks or classes of risk as “perils.” Anything that is not spelled out as a specific exclusion or risk is subject to debate, and you can guess who will win that debate. It is important to ask for definitions to be spelled out before a debate on the subject becomes necessary.

While your policy may vary, several generalities are usually true with respect to Acts of God.

Flooding Is Not Usually Covered

Homeowner’s and auto policies generally do not include flooding in their policies. Homeowners in flood-prone areas have to seek flood insurance through FEMA’s National Insurance Flood Program. Auto insurance usually requires comprehensive coverage to pay on flood damage.

Auxiliary Damage Is Not Usually Covered

Your insurance company will be thinking, “Is there any way we can blame somebody else for this damage?” Let’s consider the example of a tree falling on your house as a result of a windstorm.

The default position is that you are “probably” covered for the damage under your insurance – but what if the tree was rotten? Should you have been expected to know that and have the tree removed? What if it is your neighbor’s tree? Would their insurance company be expected to pay instead?

Similarly, it is not unheard of to be covered for wind damage directly caused by a storm but not for any damage from subsequent flooding.

Where You Live Matters

Keep in mind that insurance is always based on risk assessment, and Acts of God are no different in that regard. For example, if you live in a tornado- or hurricane-prone area of the U.S., the risks are so high that coverage for those perils may not be standard.

Riders Are Available

Riders may be purchased as add-on policies for other risks such as earthquakes and sinkholes, as well as for normally covered perils – such as tornadoes if you live in a tornado-prone area and cannot get standard coverage with your homeowner’s policy.

Coverage for Acts of God is not always straightforward, and it is not usually in insurance company interests to make it so. The bottom line is to clarify, clarify, clarify.

Read your policy and make sure you understand all exclusions and the default position (whether unspecified Acts of God are considered covered or uncovered). It can make the difference between a relatively short recovery from a natural disaster and a prolonged battle with your insurer… a battle that you may ultimately lose.

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Stuck In The Middle With You – Stealers Wheel

 

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To achieve full understanding of this section I refer you to the comments section of Saturday’s Dragon Laughs.  the Readers Digest version is that Impish’s Pizza slice wasn’t what it appeared to be and I (feeling uncharacteristically  kind and sorry for his glutinous disappointment) promised to locate him a fell real deal Dragon sized slice options.

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EH…16” pan I’d call that slice 18 x 16 so that only 144 sq. inches of pizza. that’s just a snack right big gut guy? Like them funky corner pieces when they square cut a pizza, which by the way is sheer pizza heathenism and tantamount to eating it with a knife and fork.

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Ok that table is 3 foot square and the boarder is just shy of 3 inches so I’m going with that’s a 24 inch pan. A little measuring with my imaging program and I figure about 8 inches of pizza would be handing off when crust and pan edge were aligned. So now were up to 383 sq. inches of pizza. getting better, but still its just plan cheese pizza, right Sumo Stomach? 

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Wow! NOW we’re getting someplace eh Blue Buddha Belly? That table is 5 foot x 3 foot. The pizza paddle is 2 foot square and its hanging off the sides at least 2 inches each side. That makes it 28 inches across the crust with at least a 10” hang over. A little number crunching and…. 475 sq. inches of pizza! Plus look at all the toppings and how thick it is. It has to be at least 3 times the thickness of the last 2 pieces. Now we’re getting closer don’t you think my greedy glutton?

Uhhh! Ut oh! Saliva booms and Industrial Wet Vacs to Conference Room we’ve got a Drool Spill! No worries folks! that foot high wall of Speedi-Dri should contain it until they get here, they’re waiting at the end of the hall because I feared this was going to happen.

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OK this last one is a little easier, It’s square and I have hard measurements on it. It’s 54 inches square for 2916 sq. in. of pizza in the whole thing I’d say that slice is about half  the width by half the length so that’s 729 sq. inches of pizza. Now that’s a lot of pizza, but I only see two toppings, pepperoni and black olives and there’s no way its as thick as the previous one whose area I’m personally inclined to double because of its sheer height making it like 2 slices stacked on top of each other which would make it 950 square inches for it’s stomach effect. So he of the Titanic Tummy looks like you have a couple local options for getting your pizza pig out on what do you say pal? Impish? Impish?! Oh! I should have known!

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While doing this feature I came across an interesting statistic. Drop this one the next time you run in to pick up a pizza at your favorite non chain pizzeria. Just maybe you’ll get something off on you pie.

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What a coincidence! I say that about Impish ALL THE TIME!

Another “Aw F*%k” moment in time

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Bird? No. Dragon? Yes! Speaking of birds-

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We’ve had a few days respite from the 90’s and its been great, a little nonexistent in Texas taste of fall. That got me thinking of warm fall comfort foods like this one. 

Osso Buco

Can’t afford veal shanks? Neither can I! This works equally well with Beef shanks & Ox Tails. I’ve even had it once at a game dinner done with wild boar shanks.

Serve it with/over pashed potatoes with roasted garlic and parmesan (don’t waste the good stuff use the jar stuff for this!) or polenta (again with roasted garlic and parmesan). Molly loves Couscous and she buys an Herb & Mushroom flavor which she just loves this over.

I like to add some mushrooms about the last half hour of cooking and occasionally with swap the onions out for leeks if I have those and the shanks at the same time

Crusty bread is a must for soaking up all the juices and for the bone marrow!

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Total Time: 2 hr. 15 min
Prep: 15 min
Cook: 2 hr.
Yield: 6 servings
Level: Easy

Ingredients

1 sprig fresh rosemary
1 sprig fresh thyme
1 dry bay leaf
2 whole cloves
Cheesecloth
Kitchen twine, for bouquet garni and tying the veal shanks
3 whole veal shanks (about 1 pound per shank), trimmed
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
All purpose flour, for dredging
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 small onion, diced into 1/2-inch cubes
1 small carrot, diced into 1/2-inch cubes
1 stalk celery, diced into 1/2 inch cubes
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 cup dry white wine
3 cups chicken stock
3 tablespoons fresh flat-leaf Italian parsley, chopped
1 tablespoon lemon zest

Directions

Place the rosemary, thyme, bay leaf and cloves into cheesecloth and secure with twine. This will be your bouquet garni.
For the veal shanks, pat dry with paper towels to remove any excess moisture. Veal shanks will brown better when they are dry. Secure the meat to the bone with the kitchen twine. Season each shank with salt and freshly ground pepper. Dredge the shanks in flour, shaking off excess.
In a large Dutch oven pot, heat vegetable oil until smoking. Add tied veal shanks to the hot pan and brown all sides, about 3 minutes per side. Remove browned shanks and reserve.
In the same pot, add the onion, carrot and celery. Season with salt at this point to help draw out the moisture from the vegetables. Sauté until soft and translucent, about 8 minutes. Add the tomato paste and mix well. Return browned shanks to the pan and add the white wine and reduce liquid by half, about 5 minutes. Add the bouquet garni and 2 cups of the chicken stock and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover pan and simmer for about 1 1/2 hours or until the meat is falling off the bone. Check every 15 minutes, turning shanks and adding more chicken stock as necessary. The level of cooking liquid should always be about 3/4 the way up the shank.
Carefully remove the cooked shanks from the pot and place in decorative serving platter. Cut off the kitchen twine and discard.
Remove and discard bouquet garni from the pot.
Pour all the juices and sauce from the pot over the shanks. Garnish with chopped parsley and lemon zest.

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Swiped this one from Impish’s Wedding Album

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 OK Impish! Here’s That test I warned you about!

In which issue, last weeks (#315) or this weeks (#316) did I “throw you under the bus”? That’s it, single question test, pass or fail.

Pass and the Megabus continues on its way and switches to running down race baiting, police hating blacktivists, Non melding Muslims and and hat in the ring for the Presidential nomination liberals. The Ambulance scoops you up and you get to meet Dr. Quackery’s two new nude nurses, Silky and Foxy.

Fail and I turn the bus around for another run. Sure it will take me most of two states and a week to do so but it will give you time to review and reflect on how you failed the test, to say nothing of heal up some.

I’ll be looking in the comments for your answer.

Leprechaun Laffs Close 1

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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5 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 316 for Wednesday Sept 16 2015

  1. Ginny says:

    I must say Lethal this was one of your best issues! One of the things I enjoyed most was the insurance BS regarding “Act of God” bottom line, whenever they can they will weasel out of paying your claim. Stuck in the Middle With You video….strange, but brought memories of my youth. I must say you truly outdid yourself in finding the perfect slice of pizza for Impish. Now, I’m ready for bed and all I can think of is…..PIZZA!

    • impishdragon says:

      The pizza was excellent. And it was an excellent issue. Seems our little green one left a quiz for me to answer, not unlike your wonderful daily trivia questions, I might add.
      In answer to what bus it was that Lethal threw me under, I must admit that twasn’t him who threw me under a bus but whoever it was who found out the truth of kitchen safe. He was only the bearer of the bad news and not indeed the driver of it.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Actually it was the hoaxsters themselves who fessed up to it in the same forum where they started it. NOW, are you going to answer the quiz question or do I turn the bus around?

      • impishdragon says:

        Wasn’t there a song about “turn the bus around” or was it the dark ruminations of my father threatening “don’t make me pull this car over” to the recalcitrant children in the back seat?

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        There was. I’ll have it in Wednesday’s Issue.

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