Dragon Laffs #1453 –


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Good Morning Campers,

It’s Tuesday morning and I’m at home, rather than at Mr. Gray’s normal day job because of a wicked ass headache that gave me crap for sleep last night.  When your job involves making decisions that could affect many people’s lives and you are not at 100%, tis best served by staying home and suffering in silence.

My idea behind mentioning that is not to get the well-wishes that I’m sure many of you will send my way, in fact, by the time you read this it will all be in the distant past (I most sincerely hope!) and long forgotten by me.  But the reason I bring this up is to perhaps explain the bit of a maudlin mood I’m in and to share a bunch of pictures that Jean sent me that really hit home.

I just got through this past weekend, teaching class to a bunch of Air Force Reserve guys who are all getting activated and sent overseas.  In all my classes, my last little speech involves thanking them for their service and their sacrifices that they have voluntarily given and endured for the protection and the safety and security of all the rest of us.

Many of you know that both Lethal and myself have given of our own in the service of our country.  I, in my small way, am continuing to do what I can for my boys in blue and I know that Lethal has given so very much more than I have that it grips my heart at times to talk to him when I can hear the pain in his voice from the things that he has suffered over the years.

And then I get these pictures from Jean:

HAVE YOU SEEN ANY PHOTOS LIKE THIS IN THE LAST SIX YEARS?

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There were many, many more pictures in the email she sent me and maybe I’ll sprinkle them out throughout the rest of the issue, but my emotional hold won’t let me continue to put them in right now.  Well, the answer to the original question, Have you seen any pictures like this over the last six years?, is a resounding no.  Any pictures you do see with the current commander in chief are staged and are obviously not the open, emotional pictures you see here.

Now, I was never a huge fan of Bush’s politics, although I wasn’t a big opponent either, but the one thing you have to say about the man, is that he knew how to properly show his affection for his military.  From sneaking overseas (yes, sneaking!) to have serve Thanksgiving to the troops…
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to doing more with the wounded and disabled vets than any president before or since…
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He was the military’s leader.  The Commander-In-Chief.

It breaks my heart that the men and women who are now serving, both active duty and reserves, in the Guard and the Guard Reserve, that they don’t have that Leader with the heart of a Warrior to, at the very least, let them know how much they are appreciated.  To let them know how much their sacrifices and their service means.

So,  if I may, and I know it’s not Veteran’s Day and I know it’s only coming from an ex-Air Force NCO and a current member of the United States of America who is one who benefits from your sacrifice and your service, let me take this opportunity to tell you that there are still people left in our country who DO appreciate what you do.  Who are eternally thankful that there are men and women like you, who are standing tall, keeping the watch and willingly putting your butts on the line to stand between us back home and the evilness in this world.  Thank you for your long hours, your dark nights, your numbing cold and your blistering heat.  Thank you for the sweat of your brow and the lion in your heart.

And thank your families who stand behind you and suffer along with you.  Who’s waking thoughts are of your safety and who’s final prayers before bed are for your welfare. 

Thank you.  From my heart.  Thank you.

 

We have some new Contributors!
Special thanks to : Philip S., Lona T., Karl K., Joe P., and Jon J.  So, here’s our list:
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That’s 19 Contributions so far.  We still have a little time left if you wish to donate, still.  And get all the benefits thereof.  Please, won’t you please at least consider it?

Now…

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Bill tried to cheer up Hillary this morning by reminding her that Nelson Mandela wasn’t elected president until after he had served 27 years in prison.

I’m not sure that Bill got the desired affect he was looking for.

 

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Winter is coming!

No, not on Game of Thrones, but it’s really coming.  Here’s a picture of some of my cooler friends from last years snow extravaganza.  Some of you may have remembered that party.  It was a really good one!

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
 
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, “Put those on.”
 
The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.”
 
He replies, “And don’t forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!”
 
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, “Try those on!”
 
He replies,”I can’t get into your knickers!”
 
“And you never bloody will if you don’t change your attitude.”

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So sad, and so true.

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window…
 
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
 
“Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?
 
“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies.
 
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”
 
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”
 
She replies, “Yes, getting herpes – that’s why I am here!”

4b

Yup, makes perfect sense to me.  The art of distraction.  But, how stupid are we going to stay?

 

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, “My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.” The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished.”Oh, oh, aaaahhh,” he exclaims, “My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, “My picture?” He answers, “Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever”.
 
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, “Why do you wear a robe? We are married now.” At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, “oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture”. He beams and asks why and she answers, “So I can get it enlarged!”

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Just another one to keep you reminded.  This is the way it SHOULD be.

 

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Ever wonder where the meat comes from on our table.  Here’s one of our huntresses.  Well, a pencil sketch of one of our huntresses, but it’s a really good likeness.

 

 

If you can sympathize with any of these, you’re probably as old or older than I am.

Old Age
 
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
 
I don’t have gray hair. I have ‘wisdom highlights.’ I am very wise.
 
I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.
 
My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
 
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid…but it can muffle the sound.
 
I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.
 
The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back ‘no’ which is shorter than yes.
 
Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
 
I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks.
 
The biggest lie I tell myself is…”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
 
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
 
Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
 
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet…
 
Old age is coming at a really bad time. I’m not young enough for it.
 
Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap.
 
Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
 
When did it change from “We the people” to “Screw the people?”
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

 

At my age, ‘Getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering why I went in there.

Yup.  Got most of them.

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I’ve flown all over the world and have met many a fine inflight personnel.  This one though, is quite funny:

 

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And here’s another one for my Dad.  Papa Dragon Most Senior.

The Gospel According to St. Andrew:

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.   — Grantland Rice

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become. This is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.   — John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.   — Robert Lynd

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.   — Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.   — Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.   — Sam Snead

7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.   — William Wordsworth

8. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.  — Dean Martin

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.   — Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.   — Bishop Sheen

11. I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.   — Arnold Palmer

12. My handicap? Woods and irons.   — Chris Codiroli

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.   — Pete Dye

14. I’m hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them!   — Buddy Hackett

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.   — Billy Graham

16. If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.   — Jack Lemmon

17. It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.   — Mark Twain

18. Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.   — Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.   — Jimmy DeMaret

20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.   — Ben Hogan

21. If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.  — Anon

20. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.  — George Deukmejian

23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.   — Lee Trevino

24. Reason they call it golf is cuz all the other four-letter words were taken.   — Woody Woodbury

And Finally:

25. The No. 1 Golf rule you MUST follow: take the car keys and cell phone out of your golf bag before you throw it into the creek.

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Okay, that’s the last one I’m going to share…but it is one of my favorite sets of pictures.

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Get down you runt!

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Super Turtle, huh?  Well, then fly!

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Yup.  Been there, my friend.  Been there.

 

breaking-newsTerror Alert News
 
 Reliable investigative sources in California say that radical Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in the City of Los Angeles, killing anyone who is a U.S. citizen.
 
 Police fear the death toll could be as high as 9.

 

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A convict managed to escape from prison and his escape was the lead item on the six o’clock news.
 
So not to be captured, he ran through fields and traveled through back roads until he reached his wife’s house.
 
When he reached the house, he rang the bell, his wife opened the door and screamed,
 
“You lousy bum!  Where have you been?  You escaped more than six hours ago!”

 

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Ray was trying to cross the street.
 
As he stepped off the curb a car came screaming around the corner and headed straight for him.
 
Ray walked faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changed lanes and kept coming at him.
 
So Ray turned around to go back, but the car changed lanes again and continued coming at him.
 
By then, the car was so close and Ray was so scared that he just froze in the middle of the road.
 
The car got real close, then swerved at the last possible moment and stopped next to Ray.
 
The driver rolled down the window. It was a squirrel.
It said, “See, it’s not as easy as it looks, is it?”

 

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“I’m sorry,” said the clerk in flower shop, “we don’t have potted geraniums.  Could you use African violets instead?”
 
Replied the customer sadly, “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”
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best job ever

Dirty Hands

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every slice of bread

girls

 

Jim was teeing off from the back tees On his downswing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Mary, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball, hit Mary directly in the right temple, killing her instantly.
 
 A few days later Jim received a call from the coroner concerning her autopsy. “Jim, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple. Is that correct?”
 
 “Yes sir,” Jim replied, “that’s correct.”
 
 “Well, Jim, I also found a large bruise on Mary’s right hip. Do you know anything about that?”
 
 “Yes sir,” Jim said, “That would have been my mulligan.”

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Two Italian men got on a bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized
when she hears one of them say the following:
 
       Emma come first.
       Den I come.

       
Den two asses come together.
       
I come once-a-more! …
       Two asses, they come together again
       I come again and pee twice.

   
   Then I come one lasta time.’
 
The lady can’t take this anymore, “You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!”, she retorted indignantly.
‘In this country, we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!”

‘Hey, coola down lady,’ said the man, ‘Whooza talkin’ about sex?
I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘ Mississippi .’

$
10.00 says you’re gonna read this again!

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I debated on whether to rant through this Last Word, or to publish someone else’s essay or to do something else…something else won out.  Here are some humorous pictures with a message…

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Baffling, I know, but true none the less.  Don’t ask me why, since it’s the guns that are the problem, not the criminals.

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Good question.  But, I’m sure we all know it’s the cops that are at fault.  Not the Hoodlums, and especially not the parents.

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Yeah, because we all know how many problems Rednecks, Christians, Gun Owners and Cops create.

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Shame on  you for putting that much pressure on your children.  Teaching them to behave all the time must have been devastating to their psyche. 

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Oh, of course!  Terribly sorry.  We didn’t see the connection.  Now that we know that we can tell if your lying….what’s that?  How can we tell that you’re lying?  Because your mouth is open and you are talking.

And my favorite one by far!…
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What a perfect comparison.

Well, did I make my point?

You have the power in your hands.  Know who you have to vote for and do so!

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1453 –

  1. Ginny says:

    So glad the killer headache is in the past. I just loved all the pictures of President Bush showing his appreciation to our military. He was a Commander In Chief to be proud of. The day Paul was at ground zero on Friday, September 14, 2001, President Bush stood on a pile of rubble thanking all the first responders for their help. You are so right in saying THANK YOU to anyone in uniform, they are keeping us safe with little appreciation shown to them.

    You did an ace job on the issue with lots of laughs….loved the Southwest pre-flight speech. So glad to hear we had five more contributions, it truly is our way of saying thank you to Impish and Lethal for the time devoted to each of their issues. I’ll keep making License Plates for your State and name …so PLEASE lets make it the best year of donations for the guys.

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