Good Morning Campers,

Well, I’m completing this issue way ahead of time.  Why, you may ask, since you know that is SO unlike me?  Well, the dragons are taking a little trip this weekend and we won’t be here.  Armed security will still be in place at casa de dragon, so no worries there, but we’re doing a little family reunion thing with Papa Dragon Most Senior, The Owl and his lovely Owlet bride, and the Wolf, with his pack.  For a hint as to where we will be going, look to today’s header!

The only real problem is we have to fly commercial.  And I loathe flying commercial!  It sucks so bad!  Any of you New Yorkers who will be around LaGuardia on Friday morning, we have a 3 hour layover so we’ll be hanging around the airport.

Sigh.

I HATE FLYING COMMERCIAL!

 Only one of MANY problems I have with flying commercial.

Flying military is SO much easier.  You can get up and move around the cabin.  Pull out a sleeping bag and sleep the whole way.  Go up and visit the pilots in the cockpit and BS with them for a few hours.

It’s just so much easier.

No friggin’ TSA that has to see inside your socks and underwear.  Not to mention the stuff you have in your luggage!  It’s just so sad.

Plus, you’re supposed to arrive like 2 hours ahead of time. 

Why? 

You just sit around and wait anyway!

And one of the things I’m sure we’re going to see on our little trip:

I do want to take this opportunity to remind everyone of the upcoming Halloween Party.  Coming up at Fun Mountain.  We have all kinds of things for you this year.  Including a special musical guest.  I’ll tell you about them in a bit.

It is a costume required party, so none of you can pansy out, I’m pretty sure that Lethal is going to give you a view or a description of what we will be wearing this year.  I’m pretty sure it’s going to win the best costume award.  So, there’s your challenge.  Dress well.  Those of you who think you can get away with not wearing a costume, or tell security that you are dressed as a normal person or something like that, you will be put in your own special room…and I’ll leave the description of what exactly will go ON in that room a secret for now.  But, it will be great fun…for the rest of us, who AREN’T in the room. 

And our musical guest?  You remember Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons?  They’ve all come back from the dead and are now Frankie Stein and the Four Shrouds.  Yup, they will be performing all their old hits.
Sherry, Sherry Zombie
Walk Like The Dead
Big Girls Don’t Die
It’ll be a great night.  I promise.

Now, I know what you’re all getting at though.  I can hear you asking, well what happened to Impish and Lethal and Mrs. Dragon who has a form of a Banshee and little Ninja Dragon Izzy and … and …. okay, so settle down and we’ll peek in on them and see how they’re doing.

Let’s see.  When we left them, Lethal had just (accidently) outed Impish’s Virgin Habit in front of Mrs. Dragon who had, in turn, gone all Banshee on his ass.  Lethal has come up with an idea to save his buddy, saying, “I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!”

 

Yup, that ought to do it!!!

 

Ginny sent this one to me and it really struck home.

That describes me in the morning SO WELL.  I mean, really, is it that much to ask to have everybody bound and gagged for the first 30 minutes that I’m up? 

You don’t like the way the dragon growls in the morning? – Then shut the heck up and stop making so much damn noise.

You don’t like the answers you get to the questions you ask?   – Don’t ask him any (stupid or otherwise) questions so friggin’ early!

You don’t like to be stepped on or thrown across the cavern? – Don’t get between me and the coffee pot before I’ve finished my first cup.

Now, having said all that, what the hell was  up with the Troop of Girl Scouts in the facilities at that hour?

 

 

 

 

 

Now, that’s just so wrong.  And not funny at all.  Like we really breath propane to make our flaming breath.  Hurmph!  Hurmph, I say!

 

One of my cousins, Big Red.  He actually got insulted when Hell Boy was assigned that name as a call sign.  But, he got over it.  He now works for us by heating up some of the lower pools in fun mountain.

Amen to that!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our Magic instructor.  He’s just showing off.

 

 

 

 

And again I’ll ask, Why is it that we hear over and over again about Social Security running out of money, but we don’t hear anything about welfare and food stamps running out of money?

 

This is an excellent read and oh so very true.  Mike Rowe would fit right in here with us at DL&LL Enterprises.

Off The Wall
Hey Mike
The New York Times just published a 27-point guide on what it means to be a “Modern Man.” http://www.nytimes.com/…/m…/27-ways-to-be-a-modern-man.html…

As someone widely regarded as a “Man’s Man,” I’d love to get your take. (Personally, I’m not sure what a “Man’s Man” is, but my wife assures me that you are one.)

Don Philips

Hi Don

I don’t know what a “Man’s Man” is either, or if I am one, but I’m not inclined to argue with another man’s wife. However, I did read the Times piece, and I can tell you with some certainty that I do not appear to be a “Modern Man.” My own Guide – as a potential “Man’s Man” – is below.

New York Times: When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.
Mike Rowe: A Man’s Man would not buy shoes for his spouse, or be familiar with the vagaries of various female footwear brands. He might offer to pay for them, and he would definitely compliment her choice. And if he knows the size of her feet, it’s only because he rubs them from time to time.

NYT: The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.
MR: A Man’s Man feels no shame in admitting uncertainty, because he knows that doing so will make him more certain. He’s transparent about his flaws and shortcomings, and makes no attempt to be more secure or knowledgeable or competent than he actually is.

NYT: The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.
MR: A Man’s Man is also considerate. But he would never consciously time his chewing to coincide with the noisy parts of the film. He does not walk on eggshells.

NYT: The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.
MR: A Man’s Man will clean his plate, assuming of course he’s the one who put the food on it. But he feels no obligation to suck the marrow out of a bone, or eat the bruise on the banana, or consume the cob as well as the corn. He does not equate his manliness with a willingness consume food that’s been poorly prepared.

NYT: The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.
MR: A Man’s Man knows it’s wiser to park closer to the exit than the entrance.

NYT: Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.
MR: A Man’s Man knows that self-reliance is born of experience. He encourages his kids to look after their own stuff, and suffer the consequences when they do not. The wife is another matter.

NYT: The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.
MR: A Man’s Man doesn’t drink children’s beverages. He drinks tap water, wine, coffee, beer, whiskey, or iced tea. He does however, keep soda pop on hand, on the off chance a modern man stops by.

NYT: The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.
MR: A Man’s Man is less worried about using the right word, and more concerned with being understood. But under no circumstance, does he “dumb down” the language.

NYT: Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.
MR: A Man’s Man is already a complete person. His identity does not depend upon sons, daughters, spouses, friends, or pets. He is not a loner, and he cherishes the relationships he has. But he knows that his “completion” is nothing but a reflection of knowing who he is.

NYT: The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.
MR: A Man’s Man will always volunteer to wash the dishes. He may or may not put them away, but regardless, he understands the phenomenon of evaporation, and doesn’t concern himself with a codified system for drying.

NYT: The modern man has never “pinned” a tweet, and he never will.
MR: A Man’s Man does not know what that even means. But he rarely says “never.”

NYT: The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.
MR: A Man’s Man uses Lava Soap. He uses it until it’s the size of a dime.

NYT: The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.
MR: A Man’s Man watches reruns of Kung-Fu.

NYT: The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.
MR: A Man’s Man does not make lists. He knows what he likes, what he needs, and what he wants. If he has to write it down, he understands it was not worth having in the first place.

NYT: The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.
MR: A Man’s Man is not committed to any particular type of flooring. He doesn’t attempt to communicate with his children through his footsteps, and he doesn’t own oxfords, unless they’re steel-toed.

NYT: The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.
MR: A Man’s Man knows that a struggle closest to the door will effectively block the exit through which his wife might flee. So he secures the house in a way that keeps intruders out, and sleeps wherever he wants.

NYT: The modern man has a melon baller. How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?
MR: The Man’s Man, if he serves fruit at all, prepares wedges, squares, and rectangles. He accomplishes this with a knife.

NYT: The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.
MR: A Man’s Man doesn’t think “seriously” about any purchase under $5.

NYT: The modern man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.
MR: A Man’s Man picks wildflowers on the side of the road, wraps them with a bootlace, and presents them with an original, hand-written poem.

NYT: On occasion, the modern man is the “little spoon.” Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.
MR: A Man’s Man will do whatever’s necessary to please his bedmate – not himself. But he roundly rejects all metaphors, especially those that involve utensils.

NYT: The modern man doesn’t scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.
MR: A Man’s Man would laugh and then say “Bless you,” or “gesundheit.” Then, he’d make sure she wipes her nose and cleans up the crumbs.

NYT: The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.
MR: A Man’s Man does not amble. Moreover, he would have already impressed upon the paper boy the importance of getting the morning paper all the way up on the porch. Where it belongs.

NYT: The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time.)
MR: A Man’s Man doesn’t own films – he rents them. He also values effectiveness over efficiency, and knows that the “latest technology” will be obsolete in a few months. For this reason, he makes no attempt to own the newest of anything.

NYT: The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.
MR: A Man’s Man prefers his gas tank full, his weapon loaded, his pantry stocked, and his checkbook balanced. He also likes his phone sufficiently charged, and takes the necessary steps to accomplish that.

NYT: The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
MR: A Man’s Man owns at least one firearm. He knows how to use it, clean it, and store it properly. He understands it’s importance, and sees it for what it is – a tool that can protect him and his family.

NYT: The modern man cries. He cries often.
MR: A Man’s Man cries if he feels like crying. But he rarely feels like it.

NYT: People aren’t sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.
MR: People know without question a Man’s Man does not dance. But they also know if called upon, he’ll give it his best shot…

Yup, he definitely sounds like one of us.

 

 

 

 

 

Democratic party officials were thrilled with CNN’s ratings for the presidential debate in Las Vegas. They toed the party line. During the debate, the Democratic candidates mentioned America’s middle class twenty-three times, one for each remaining member of America’s middle class.

 

I can!  I can!  And it wasn’t that damn long ago, either!  Okay, so….what was the first car you EVER owned?  Mine was a 1967 Plymouth Barracuda!
Looked almost exactly like this one:

God, I loved that car!!!

 

 

 

Hey.  Wanna know what really took place?

Yeah, and besides, you know, what difference does it make, now?
Bitch!

 

President Obama went back on a campaign vow Friday and decided to keep several thousand U.S. troops in Afghanistan for the rest of his term. The president was urged by his liberal advisors to simply declare victory and pull out. It’s known in the birth control industry as the Vietnam Method.

Nurses have always had a very special place in my heart.  It might be because my mom was one.  It might be because several have been instrumental to my survival up to this point in my life, or it just might be that 99.9% of them are just pure sex appeal wrapped up in white.  (or pink, or blue, etc.)  There is just something special about them, I do believe they use their supernatural sex appeal only for the good of mankind.  At any rate, they are never given enough credit for the hard work and effort they put in every single day. 

 

Okay, well those were all highly motivating and inspiring…or…um…not.

 

 

Murphy’s Real Laws

 

 

What a great way to spend the time waiting for your dinner!!!

 

 

Well, what do you say we pop in one more time to our story line?

“Thanks for letting me try.”

 

“Hey you buried me so the least I can let you try and dig me out. It it doesn’t work I can always eat you. Besides this makes us even for the closet thing. Right?”

Lethal shakes his head. “Oh no me Boy-o. You accused me of cheating, then locked me in a closet so you could do the honors which in effect was cheating. I missed calls from Lea Michaels, Colin Firth and the Kringle. You got any idea how prickly the Kringle gets when someone lets him go to voice mail? NO we’re not bloody even for that, ‘tis an entirely separate matter that.”” I get you out of what I got you into no harm no foul and we’re even for this. Assuming that is I can and we both live through it.”

 

Impish gulps audibly. “Care to share this grand plan of yours? I am sort of heavily vested in it like it or not, you know.”

 

Lethal who has been punching buttons on the phone console. before his chair at the table holds up a finger and then pushes two last buttons. Impish hears Terrance, No-name and Greg Gnome Head of Physical Plant for the Mountain Complex all answer. “Gentleman you’re in conference mode with me so I only have to say this once. Condition Banshee. I have her secured in a ghost trap at the moment but obviously this is likely to make her madder not calmer. We need to initiate Operation Harmless Virgins immediately. Terrance find Diaman and Ginny explain what’s happened, what’s needed and have them take charge of the Virgins. Say good bye Terrance. No-name see they are all moved immediately to the non-Patrons accommodations over at fun mountain and that they all grab their bags from their Emergency Contingency Locker. Have then change as soon as they get a room assignment. Get on it now times wasting. Greg alert housekeeping over at Fun Mountain they’ll have guests in under 15 minutes. How many? Last I knew 25 but let me check.”

 

He raises his eyebrows at Impish who is busily counting on his fingers and muttering races and names to himself. He looks up and asks “Uhh… can she hear us from in there?” Lethal shakes his head now and makes a come on hand gesture impatiently at Impish who swallows and says, “46…I think, though I might have missed a couple.”

 

Lethal rolls his eyes at Impish and looks slightly annoyed. “Greg? Yeah tell them roughly 50 plus Diaman and Ginny. No put Diaman and Ginny with them I want them close incase one of the airheaded ones decides to go full blown ditz at the wrong time. Loose lips already caused enough problems today. I’ll need maintenance and housekeeping to sanitize and render innocent the harem room too. I don’t know! It’s on Impish’s half of the floor, think of some… wait I got it! We still got all that stuff he bought when he was luring them in by pretending to be a photographer looking to discover the next big model? Good! Set the room up as a photography studio. What? Do I sound like I care right now- I just solved your biggest problem and now you want me to solve another? What do you get paid for? Moping up after Impish and fixing all the stuff he breaks? Well here’s a chance to excel and move up! Just get it done and fast. How fast? Since you asked I need it in half an hour or under. Not enough time? OK then you can let her out of the trap when you’re people have it ready. OK then half an hour it is but I’ll try to buy you as much time as I can.” Lethal hangs up the call.

 

“That was the easy part. Now comes the harder part, convincing your wife you’re a kindly benevolent patronistic soul not a lascivious Dragon with large scale hedonistic tendencies. Come on lets go and bring your wife.” He gestures to the ghost trap as it sits smoke still drifting up from it.

 

“Mind telling me where exactly it is we’re going?”

 

“To pick up your daughter who should be just about teachable moment/life lessoned out for the time being. Then we’re off to introduce your lovely wife to the Virgins. Friday? Noise Canceling Headsets- the airport runway approved ones for 6 people please. Oh and locate Sinatra, he’s not done yet he’s got more schmoozing and flirting to do.”

 

“Lethal?”

 

“What?”

 

“About those suicide pills…”

 

“Yeah? What about them?”

 

“Could we maybe swing by someplace and pick some up?”

 

 

Back in the kitchen, Izzy was busy cutting up sardines while a number of the NK clan sat watching every move very carefully and very impatiently.  Beside her, Hell Boy was still opening cans.

 

“That’s right, you have to slice them length-wise and then trim them down.  But, if you don’t put a little more effort into them, we’re going to be here all day.”

 

“I’m doing the best that I can!  Why in the world do they need to be sliced anyway?  They’re already small; all you’re doing is making them tiny.”

 

Hell Boy pushes over the last open can and replies, “Technically, you’re the one who’s making them tiny, as to why…”  He reaches out and plucks the knife out of her hands.  “We don’t.  I just had you doing that because I thought it was fun.  See, it’s not nice when you do things to people just because you want to…IS IT?!

 

Izzy looks at the giant red guy and is ready to explode when what he said starts to sink in.  Doing things to people, or NOT doing things FOR people, just because you want to, is something that she was pretty good at.  She hadn’t really thought of what the other people think before.  But, before she could really wrap her head around what she was thinking, HB was continuing, “Now, shake that little bottom of yours over to that table and SIT DOWN!”

 

By the look on his face, she knew he was serious and she actually ran over to the table and sat down quietly.

Arriving at the Fun Mountain, Lethal leads them down instead of up followed at the rear by a very sullen Izzy who was putting on an Academy Award worthy stink about not being able to slip away and go swim in the pool.

 

As her muttering grows louder  Lethal gives Impish the eyebrow just as Impish is loosing his last nerve.

 

Impish stops, looks at Lethal, then at a defiant Izzy, then the ghost trap before asking, “is there room in here for two?”

 

Lethal shakes his head, “I hear ya pal, but in order to make that work we’d have to open the trap, let Mrs. Dragon out and then suck them both back in. Given Mrs. D’s present state of mind that’s not a path I want to take. I’m not sure what effect that would have on living tissue either.”

 

Impish sighs. “Well it was worth a try anyway. Izzy things are a little too busy right now to put up with your whole “Adults are ruining my Life” Angst and Antics. I’ll give you 3 choices and 5 seconds to decide then I’m going to make a choice and I promise you that it’s going to make the 3 choices I gave you seem like golden opportunities.”

 

“But I don’t understand why I can’t just…”

 

“SHUT. YOUR. MOUTH. NOW! Before I decide to eat my young whelp!. There is no ‘understand’ for you there is only DO. AS. YOU. ARE. TOLD. OR ELSE and believe me you don’t want to know ‘or else what’ missy.

 

NOW, you may come along, keeping your mouth shut, be a seen and not heard, well behaved daughter of the Draconian Ambassador, which includes not sneaking off at your first opportunity as well as doing whatever you are told by an adult, without any of your normal bull. That’s Option 1.

 

Option 2: You can go back to the kitchen and prepping sardines for your furry companions under Hell Boy’s supervision. He’ll probably want help chopping garlic and jalapenos for his afternoon Nachos once you’re done with the sardines. Of course there will be all those oily sardine plates to rinse and run through the dishwasher.

 

Option 3: Impish shudders, “Sylvia Sphinx needs her litter box cleaned and wants a thorough brushing. That’s probably no more than 3 or 4 hours work.

 

You got 5 seconds starting now.”

 

“This is so unfair! I want to talk to Mom.”

 

“3 seconds”

 

“Hey what happen to 4?!”

 

“I skipped it because your still running that mouth of yours. Just like I’m skipping 2.  1 second.”

 

“OPTION 1! OPTION 1!”

 

“Good choice. Now get your sullen butt up here with the rest of us, wipe that put upon look off your face and fix your ‘tude or I’ll fix it for you. Am I clear?”

 

“Yes Dad.”

 

“About bloody time!”

 

“Lethal shut the hell up or I swear I’ll fix you too. And when we let my wife out I’ll do the talking, understand?”

 

Lethal in the middle of handing Izzy a pair of the noise canceling headphone which are allegedly protection for the shriek of a jet engine in close proximity after showing her how to turn them on and adjust them stops, looks Impish in the eye a moment, nods then turns his attention back to Izzy. “Looks like you made a good choice, we’re both in for a hellova show apparently. Wish I had thought to bring popcorn and drinks.”

So all of us here on the Houston Area are sitting here with one eye on our Screens and the other eye alternating between the sky and our weather apps. Were due some serious rain between now and the weekend, possibly as much as 4 to 8 inches in some locations. Some of that rain might come in the from of especially strong T-storms with severe lighting high winds and possibly hail. As of noon time yesterday (Tuesday) an inch of rain had already fallen on Galveston Island.

The one thing that makes the start of fall weather in Texas more than anything else as far as I’m concerned is a week of violent weather as Mother Nature struggles with the whole ‘out with the hot & muggy, in with the cool(er) & drier’. While undoubtedly we can use the rain, I’m hoping this time around we avoid all the flooding like we had for Memorial Day.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have an super yacht to pack for when that wish doesn’t get granted.

What? Oh! The Story! Ok here’s part one of my chapter. Then we really need to get to the issue:

[When we last left off Impish Mrs. Dragon and Lethal were being briefed by NO-Name the Head of Security for DL/LL Enterprises. Lethal was just recapping what they knew about Hillary and her probable intentions]

As the recap finishes, the talking points cease appearing on the screen and are replaced by an  example of one of Impish & Lethal’s best selling jibes at Hillary which is inpart responsible for her wishing them severe ill .

Lethal picks up where the talking points left off, verbalizing his internal thought process for the benefit of the others present …

“In support of their desire to see us removed as a preverbal thorn in their side, they have obviously managed to insert at a minimum 2 of their agents into DL/LL DME UnLtd.

One being the phantom solitary 7th dwarf that was in the mines when the ruckus and fire started. The other, frankly, I’m not sure of. Obviously they have a decent placement with which to gather their Intel from fairly high level sources. It can’t be anyone in the public areas and the place has been swept top to bottom, bottom to top, left to right, right to left, clockwise and widdershins. No audio or video monitoring devices were found. No external taps on our internal security monitoring were found either by electronic or visual inspection. Even though it was a highly unlikely possibility I’ve had Harry Dresden the wizard here scrying with his amulet checking for any and all manner of magical or mythical possibilities. The NK Clan has been checked over by our resident vet as well as Wizard Dresden. No devices, cybernetics or magical tampering has been found.  We’ve recently hired No-Body who is No-Name’s brother to do back ground checks on prospective employees that would be in such a position[s]. Additionally the  rechecking of backgrounds, financials excreta for any and all personnel came back with nothing.”

Frowning and clearly lost in thought while mulling the knotty problem over looking for a loose end to pull, Lethal slurps his now cold coffee and grimaces before absent mindedly continuing his stream of consciousness thinking aloud “In fact the only people that are not regularly investigated are Impish’s Dragon’s Darlings of Delectable Dalliance because of the high rate of turn over once they surrender their virginity. However they are supposed to be limited to their harem, Impish’s playroom and the public areas only”

The sound of a high pitched keening and the sight of Mrs. Dragon turning scarlet while at the same time beginning to turn incorporeal has Lethal grabbing for the Industrial Nose Canceling Headphones he laid aside earlier while hollering to Impish, “Dude my total bad! I forgot for a moment she was here.” Lethal motions to everyone since he’s now unable to communicate verbally with them to clear the room while Impish deals with his wife. The last image he sees is of a shocked Impish mouth agape and fingers in his ears as the form of a banshee swoops and swirls about him screaming in rage.

 

Tim Hawkins Plays His Version of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird”

 

An intoxicated student from the University of Connecticut landed in jail after an
argument with a food court manager over jalapeno bacon mac and cheese turned ugly.

 

The Top 5 Excuses from the UConn Mac ‘n Cheese Kid

5.) He thought a viral video was a good path to becoming the next Speaker of the House.

4.) Working on Guinness record for times tackled by a fry cook.

3.) Argued that the state’s “Open Carry” law includes beer and wine bottles.

2.) Was pretty sure “Mac ‘n Cheese” is the street code name for Ecstasy.

And the Number One Excuse from the UConn Mac ‘n Cheese Kid…

1. It was part his abnormal psych final exam.

 

 

Beware the Butterfly Effect…

“In Chaos Theory, the Butterfly Effect is the sensitive dependence on
initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic,
nonlinear system can result in large differences in a larger state.”

In other words, and in theory, a butterfly flapping its wings in Texas can
later cause a typhoon in the Sea of Japan.

Think about it, in mid-20th Century America, an 18 year old hippie, freshman
slut in a Honolulu college had sex with an older, alcoholic Kenyan
politician on a student visa, who had a wife and child back in Africa.  

And from this “roll in the hay” comes the collapse and dissolution of the
United States of America in the 21st Century.

Interesting isn’t it.

It makes one consider absolute validity of the “Butterfly Effect.”

Someone restrain Ginny in her chair please. Don’t worry, Impish tells me she likes it. Here we go again folks!

Pumpkin Spice No-Bake Cheesecake

An EASY Fall dessert, this no-bake cheesecake is light and fluffy, made with pumpkin and spices. Quick and simple to make in under 10 minutes, if you use ready made crust.

Servings: 8 • Size: 1/8th of pie sized slice • Weight Watcher Points+: 6 pts

Calories: 222 • Fat: 13 g • Carbs: 25 g • Fiber: 1 g • Protein: 3 g • Sugar: 16 g

Sodium: 224 mg • Cholesterol: 28 g

Ingredients:

• 8 oz 1/3 less fat Philadelphia Cream Cheese
• 1/2 cup pureed pumpkin (canned is fine)
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
• 1/4 cup brown sugar, unpacked
• 4 oz Truwhip, thawed [dietetic version of Reddiwhip]
• 9 inch reduced-fat Graham Cracker Crust

Directions:

In a large bowl whip cream cheese, pumpkin, vanilla, cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, and brown sugar for a few minutes until fluffy.  A hand mixer or spatula both work fine. Add Truwhip and whip until smooth. 

Spoon mixture into pie crust and chill for a few hours, until firm.

Apparently there’s a mushroom in Hawaii that instantly drives women crazy

 

John Halliday and Noah Soule have discovered a fungus that can instantly make women orgasm. Uhh, what?

 

 

 

 

 

Back in 2001 (Why haven’t we heard about this for 14 years?) The scientists recorded in the International Journal of Medicinal Mushrooms that they had found an orange mushroom in Hawaii that makes women climax for no reason.

 

Over half of the volunteers in the study experienced spontaneous orgasms, and the scientists have concluded that the “results suggest that the hormone-like compounds present in the volatile portion of the spore mass may have some similarity to human neurotransmitters released during sexual encounters.”

It only grows on lava flows on the island, so they can be hard to locate. The still unnamed Dictyophora species was an intense aphrodisiac when women smelled it, but oddly enough, men found it to be absolutely disgusting.

Friday! Have Shamrock One readied immediately! I feel the sudden urge to study botany on the volcanoes of Hawaii. Women will pay anything to have what she’s having without the entanglement of a guy!

Water bubble floating in space

 

Kids Need to Be Taught Reality

by: the Common Constitutionalist

We teach children that it is not only okay to be wacky and different, but it is to be celebrated. Don’t try to conform, fit in or assimilate. If it makes you “feel” better to get a neck tattoo at the age of 8, you should do that – or a nose ring – or dress up like a little girl. If it improves your self-esteem or your perceived self worth, then we should be all for it.

For decades now, we’ve packed up our children and sent them off to liberal indoctrination camps posing as public schools.

When someone dares to promote something as sensible as school uniforms, they are practically run out of town on a rail. We can’t have uniforms, it is said. That will stifle the children’s creativity and not allow them to express their individualism.

We allow them to learn that 2 + 2 can equal five, so that we don’t damage children’s fragile psyche. Heather having two daddies is the same as a mommy and daddy, and should never be thought of as different or out of the main stream. Teachers no longer use red ink to correct assignments, assuming there are any assignments, because that’s far too aggressive and may be yet another damaging blow to the child’s self-esteem. We wouldn’t want them to feel bad or inferior to other children.

In sports, every child gets a ribbon or a trophy just for showing up, and we’ve decided to eliminate the practice of honoring top-achieving students as “valedictorian” or “salutatorian,” because it promotes unhealthy competition.

So kids have spent there whole lives in this insane, out of touch with reality environment.

Then it’s off to University, where, we’ll call her Janey, is taught in her radical feminist class that all men are predators and you’ll never break through the glass ceiling.

Little, we’ll call him Vester, learns in his African studies course that the sole purpose of all white men is to keep the brother down. To them being black is a license to be offended by everything.

Then little Vester or Janey leave the safe harbor of academia or their parents home and strike out into the real world, where no one gives a rat’s behind about their individual expression, propping up their self-esteem or their desire to make a statement celebrating their uniqueness. Employers don’t care if you’re black, white or green. They don’t care if you’re male or female, hetero or homosexual. They have but one concern. Can you do the job you are asked to do? If you can – great. If you can’t – sucks to be you, and there’s the door.

Those in the real world have not the time, the patience, nor the desire to coddle you or care about propping up your sagging self-esteem.

Unfortunately now that they’re adults, they, who have experienced nothing but false adulation from parents, teachers, coaches and councilors, have zero capacity to handle rejection or disappointment.

Children who have grown up in a self-esteem-is-everything environment, have no capacity to handle real adversity. And so we should not be surprised when someone from that environment lashes out and does something horrific to others or to themselves.

Anything that has gone wrong in his or her lives is the fault of someone else. They have no capacity for self-reflection, or constructive criticism.

Couple this with the fact that they live their entire lives on Facebook and Twitter, where all they see – all they witness, is one good time after another – happy smiling selfies with lots of friends packed into one picture.

They see constant Facebook updates of how much better everyone else’s life is than their own. Every day they get another alert that someone updated their Facebook status with yet another fun picture – another reminder that everyone else’s life is better than theirs.

But one would think, when you get to a certain age, it’s time to stop blaming others. But this is evidently not the case for someone like Vester Flanagan II, the Virginia shooter, who had to be hauled out of the TV station where he worked. He had evidently never grown up. Despite his age, 41, he had remained an angry, chronically offended man.

WDBJ general manager Jeffrey Marks described Flanagan as someone “difficult to work with. He was sort of looking out for people to say things he could take offense to,” Marks said in an interview that aired on the station. “After many incidents of his anger coming to the floor, we dismissed him. He did not take that well; we had to call police to escort him from the building.”

I’d like to say Vester Flanagan II is unique, but I fear he’s not. He may only be unique in his age, but honestly, liberal America has been inculcating these angry, put upon people since the sixties. And it will only get worse, the more we coddle them.

[When we last left them most of our crew was exiting stage any way they could from the  Situation Room to avoid Mrs. Dragon’s Banshee shrieking tirade due to Lethal having just inadvertently outed the subject of Impish’s private harem of virgins in front of  Mrs. Dragon.]

As soon as the door slides shut, the hermetic seal begin re-inflation and even before the Faraday Cage can be reestablished, Friday hauls off and smacks Lethal in the back of the head. “I can’t believe you just outed his Virgin habit to his wife right in front of him like that! He’s a DRAGON for Odin’s sake! OF COURSE he has a virgin addiction!”
 
“I know, I know! Its not what its seems like though. It’s not some nefarious get even for locking me in the broom closet so he could do the Anniversary announcement for Ginny & Paul K9. That’s already in position and waiting to trip on him. I was lost in thought musing about the possible source of the spy’s access, you know spit balling. I’m not used to having outsiders in the room when we deal with these things and it just came out. I really do feel bad about it.”

“YOU?! Feel bad about something that you did to Impish?!” Friday produces a weapon from her considerable cleavage. “Ok stand still right there don’t even raise an eyebrow at me. You’ve got to be one of those other leprechauns Lethal had playing his Irish version of 3 Card Monte out there. I don’t know why you just did Impish dirty but at least he can eat you if or when he gets out of that room.”

” ‘Tis me lass, and my valuable time your wasting by keeping me from rescuing me pal Impish from the wrong I’ve accidentally done him.” Lethal starts toward the panel beside the door, then freezes when he  hears a very small but sharp ‘CLICK’.

“I. Said. DO NOT. Move. And I meant it. Move again and I find out if you bleed green or rainbows. Prove to me your Lethal. Tell me something only he and I would know and I don’t mean anything about the business.” Friday’s aim while quivering with anger is spot on the leprechauns forehead between his eyes.

The leprechaun grins. “Last week, you came to me in my office with a non company tablet to show me some photos of a certain body modification you were considering to your…’lovelies’. I counseled against it saying there was a distinct possibility of them becoming less sensitive because of it. I then showed you that MORE sensitive not less was desirable. I believe house keeping is still looking for a certain brand new electrostatic dusting wand I showed you another use….”

CLICK! Friday blushing furiously eyes darting to see who might have overhead lowers the weapon and makes it disappear from whence it came. “Ok that’s enough right there! It’s you. Only you would think of mentioning that in a public area as a way of proving it was you you dirty perverted little…”

“That word you are about to utter is BOSS if you want to keep your position! Can I help it if it made a lasting impression? Better question- can I please help Impish now?”

“How are you going to do that? We can’t let her out of that room and even with the sound proofing I can hear she’s not about to wind down anytime soon.”

Lethal smiles as he turns to the panel on the wall and starts humming a energetic and upbeat tune “Simple, Friday…” he winks at her, “I ain’t afraid of no ghost.”

Good Morning Campers,

As you remember, we left off with our heroes just discovering that the littlest dragon had gone missing…

“wait … where’s Izzy?” Mrs. Dragon suddenly asks.  No one else in the room looks around except Mrs. Dragon who is getting more and more upset.

“She is safe and about to experience her first, what I’d characterize as a ‘dragon sized’ teachable moment for head strong mythical mixed race adolescents. Not to worry, the teacher is an expert in such situations. While the lesson might scare her a bit momentarily, which I hasten to add is more or less the entire point, she’s safe, not far away, in no trouble, has 3 ninja cats with her she knows nothing of and willingly or not will be quite safe until we join up again shortly.  I promise.”

Mrs. Dragon quivering with anger, both at Lethal for allowing her daughter to leave the perceived safety of her  line of sight as well as at her daughter’s insolent sulking adolescent behavior. Glaring at Impish for allowing all of the above, she begins to go insubstantial as she starts transforming into her true Banshee form.

 Impish casually places his fingers in his ears as Lethal hurriedly reaches for a pair of Industrial Noise Canceling Head Phones and hastily blurts out-  “ Now before you go off in all finger nails on blackboard screeching fit o’ fury, ‘tis a few words in my defense I’ll be offering. I allowed it to happen as an exercise in reverse psychology and to show Lil Missy-Too-Big-For-Her-Black-PJs  that, regardless of her personal assessment of her skills, she’s a long way from being a reincarnation of Tomoe Gozen or a real life Jinx or Elecktra.”

He directs his gaze at Clan Mistress SC where she is perched on the table eyes half lidded next to Friday who is absently stroking her head. “The NKs will make it a point in the future, I’m sure, of strongly discouraging this sort of behavior or I’ll not permit the lessons to continue.” This comment causes SC to open her eyes a brief moment and respond with a “Merff!” before turning her head so the focus of Friday’s absent minded petting falls on one ear and her eyes return to a half lidded expression of pleasure.

“Now, if we had tried to exclude Izzy from the briefing she would have undoubtedly felt it mandatory to attempt to eavesdrop or otherwise gain knowledge of what was going on/being said instead of having lunch quietly with one of the sisters here. By including her, then allowing her to conclude it was a boring adult-stuff meeting where nothing exciting would happen and allowing her to slip out in what she thinks was unplanned and unnoticed to follow Mr. Boy, (whom I might add was a deliberate enticement to do so since I already knew what he was going to tell us) I achieved the desired end result of her being absent from the meeting and being escorted exactly where I wished her to be sans all the teen aged female angst and drama.”

Izzy Dragon was currently skulking down a corridor, swiftly moving from one shadow to the next so as not to be noticed.  She was very glad of the training she had been receiving from the Ninja Kitties and how they had taken her in as one of their own clan.  She was currently following the big red guy, whom she knew to be Hell Boy.  She wasn’t familiar with his backstory, but she knew he was important, just by the fact that he seemed to answer to her dad and uncle Lethal.  She chuckled quietly to herself as she thought about how easy it was to slip out past the parental units, the Week Day Girls and the cyberlethals from their stupid, boring meeting.  Nobody pays attention to kids, which makes her ninja skills even easier to use.

Hell Boy had just turned the corner up ahead and was momentarily out of sight.  She hurried to the turn in the corridor and as she peeked around she came face to face with his giant mug.  “Boo!”, he said and Izzy squeaked in surprise.  Before she could make a move, he snatched her up by the back of her shirt in his stone fist and stood with her, holding her up to look him in the eyes.

Speaking through the cigar, clamped tightly between his teeth he said, “Well, well, well, what have we here.  A tiny spy come to see what the big red guy is up to, huh?  You know what we do to  spies we catch, dontcha?  We torture and then kill them.”

Izzy struggled in his grasp, “Let me go!  Let me go!  I didn’t do nothin’! I’m not a spy!”

“Let me give you two points of advice, little spy, before I eat you for lunch.”

“I’m not afraid of you!  You wouldn’t be giving me advice if you were going to eat me! My Dad’s a dragon, you hurt me and he’ll spit roast you for his friends and make soup out of your tail.”

“Good points.  Except for the part about my being afraid of your Dad, I’ve been up against him before. So, we’ll just skip the advice.  Move right to lunch.  Like your Dad I’m thinkin’ spit roasted over a slow fire, with some mushrooms, sautéed onions, and a bit of my own steak sauce.”

“I don’t like mushrooms and onions!”

Hell Boy poked her once or twice in the ribs and said, “Yup, should be nice and tender.  Don’t matter what you like.  I’m the one that’s going to be eating them, not you.”  He continued to carry her towards the kitchen, describing in detail how he was going to fix her for lunch, with her squirming and arguing with him the whole way.

“Izzy is fine, she’s being well cared for.  She thought she slipped out, using the ninja skills the NK Clan have been teaching her. She’s currently down in the kitchen being lunch for Big Red.  Um…that is to say, she’s having lunch with Hell Boy, although he’s doing his best to convince her that she IS his lunch, but she’s not really buying it and she’s mouthing off to him and holding her own.  We’ll join them later.”

Mrs. Dragon seemed to visibly relax while Impish and Lethal shared a look and then chuckled together. “Okay, so then let’s get Intel in here and get an update on just what the hell seems to be going on.”

Lethal nods at Tuesday as he removes the headphones saying “My dear would you please tell No-name we’re ready for him now?” She nods and steps out of the room.

That’s about all we can share right now.  We’re past the time to get the issue started, so I’m very pleased to say:

 

The funniest part about this next piece is that someone felt it necessary to put the word “satire” after the title!

Did anyone watch the democratic debates on Tuesday?  Here’s a recap.

And that about wraps it up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is a picture of our day care in the offices.  All the kids always say they have a wonderful time.  Plus, any employee who doesn’t get their child back at the end of the day, get’s a one hundred gold piece bonus.

 

 

 

 

 

That’s one of our security experts posing for a book cover for a book that she wrote.  It’s not out yet, so I can’t tell you what the title is or what it’s about, but she did give me permission to use the picture.  Nice, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s a great example of how amazing our media is…

In case you don’t remember, or are too young to remember, the answer to that question was a resounding “NO!”

 

Hillary Clinton enjoyed a winning night at the Democratic Party presidential debate Tuesday at the Wynn Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. She had more important things on her mind than the issues. For one thing, during the entire two-hour debate, Bill was unsupervised and in Las Vegas.

 

Women are like volcanoes.
Both stay calm for extended periods of time before exploding and killing everything in their path.
Then they are calm again.

 

 

Well, it’s time to leave us for today…but before we go, let’s take a quick peek back in on our friends and family.

Almost immediately, the legendary (but only known within the confines of DL&LL, Inc) No-name steps into the room.  Obviously he had been nearby awaiting his summons.  As he closes the door behind him, the room quickly quiets, the tension rising with the expectation of his report.

“Keep stirring those onions, they need to be sautéed in butter until they are almost clear, then we can add the mushrooms.” HB was standing over the littlest dragon as she stood at the stove.

“If you’re going to eat me, what am I doing cooking for you?”

Hell Boy had just thrown a couple of thick steaks on the grill as he answered, “If I make you work a little bit, it gets all the juices inside of you working a little bit and it makes for a much more tender and juicy baby dragon roast.  So, go ahead and throw those mushrooms in the pan and keep stirring like you have been doing.”

“I’m going to work so hard that I won’t be anything but tough and stringy for you!” She said as she stirred all the faster and harder.  She was a little startled when the big red guy just chuckled deep in his throat.

“Don’t worry you’re succulent little brain about it” dabbing a bit of the steak sauce he’d been working on on the end of her nose her continues, “that’s the thing about slow roasting, like braising it insures even tough and stringy meat becomes tender and stays juicy.”

Izzy began to wish she’d chosen to sit quietly through the meeting with Uncle Lethal and the ‘rents. Maybe Chai & SC had a point, ninja skills were sometimes no substitute for simple patience.

No-name had just finished his briefing and was being dismissed by Lethal.  “Thank you for that report, No-Name.  If no one has any more questions for him…?  Lethal glanced once around the table and receiving no further questions, proceeded, “Okay, thank you.  You may go, but stay close to your phone in case we have any more questions.”

Once the head of security left, Mrs. Dragon filled the silence, “So, why is that bitch, Hillary, trying to kill the two of you?  I don’t think I understood that part.”

Impish spoke up, “It’s not just Lethal and I her organization is trying to get to, it’s also any of our people, plus our families.”

Lethal added, “For the time being and immediately after this meeting, extra security will be placed around our families and anyone who wants can have their families stay at the resort area.  We might even make that a strong suggestion to all our members.  Call it a corporate vacation of sorts.  Everyone we can get inside of our facilities will be that many less we’ll have to have additional people in the field.  They will all be much safer here.”

“Well, you know dear,” she turns to look at Impish, “I have that charity event coming up this Thursday.  You know, the fund raiser for the poor children of MMFFPC (Magical, Mythical, Fantasy and Fictitious Persons and Creatures) coming up this Friday evening. And next weekend, you promised us a trip to Disney World.  Tinker Bell herself invited Izzy!  We just can’t miss those.”

“Before we discuss the security (nightmare)”, but that last bit was said under his breath, “Let’s go ahead and recap what we know so far.”

 1.) Liberals have absolutely no sense or concept of humor. Even the ones that are quintessential walking Liberal jokes and/or oxymoronic are not seen as funny by them

2.) Liberals hate facts and find them terribly inconvenient. They hate those who regularly use them to poke holes in their beliefs and arguments even more. Especially when this results in their true agenda being dragged out of the shadows into the light.

3.) They are desperate to to keep Obama’s legacy of moving us towards sharia law and socialism via importing as many resident aliens who they can entice to vote for them as they possibly can. The legality of the presence of these aliens is of no concern to them as they’re intent of granting the illegal one legal status. Should this policy allow terrorist cells to enter the US and/or successfully execute a planned terrorist attack as long as its not on them or their political support they really don’t care. After all it will only serve as a reason to strengthen the DHS and further their cause to disarm the American people.

4.) Hillary is intent on

    a.) Being elected the first woman President

    b.) Getting revenge on any one still in politics for what was done to her philandering meat puppet husband and herself while he was in office the first time.

    c.) Making as much money for her and their political cronies/ powerful backers (George Soros) as possible.

    d.) Continuing to erode the Constitution and all America used to stand for while simultaneously bankrupting us to bring about their desired new world order (and I don’t mean the farcical WWF one either)

    e.) Silencing any voice of reason or opposition by any and all means necessary. This includes the buying of media groups by liberals, seeing media icons discredited and replaced with those more easily persuaded or buying off those they cannot reach otherwise.

5.) When ever possible Hillary likes to make an example of those who oppose her & her husband. Walter Schieb, Charles Ruff, Tony Moser, James McDougal, John Millis and Ron Miller are all proof of this as well as their ability to manipulate the system in their favor to avoid prosecution or make prosecution go away. Since we are intent on standing in the way of #s 3 & 4 are guilty of being in the faction listed in #2 as well as shining light on Liberal Fallacies and Fantasies regularly use humor and facts to do so in direct affront of #1 we’re pretty high on the Liberal’s Wanted Dead or Mysteriously Dying list. Short of that, which so far has proven extraordinarily difficult due to my paranoid penchant for security and Impish’s uncanny dumb luck, they’ll resort to sending us a back off message by attempting to hurt/permanently injure or maim, or cause to die slowly &/or horribly someone close to us.

6.) This option apparently has become the preferred one since there have been several failed attempts, mostly on Impish which resulted in their agents meeting extraordinarily unpleasant ends. Additionally I believe they are focused on Impish and not me because of his involvement in the Kringle Washington DC Amicus Briefing Bombing Run of Feburary 2014. This saw the successful targeting of just about everyone in ASSHAT (Alphabet Soup Society Head Antagonistic Turds) and their key Minions the content of delivered package which was designed to insult and inflame them to more laughable heights as well as demonstrate that the Mythical Community was both backing us and would fight back in their refusal to be exploited by the Liberal powers that (for the Moment) be.

That’s it for now my friends.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Today is a very special day for two of our dearest friends that we’ve never met in real life.  But that’s the way it works in this marvelous world we’ve created.  Everyone here at the facility know who you guys are and they all wanted to join in on congratulating you. 

Ginny and Paul (also known as the Grumpy Old Man) are today celebrating their 49th Wedding Anniversary. Only one year away from Gold!  

Forty-nine years.

I can’t hardly imagine.

But, with these two wonderful friends, I’m sure it’s just a drop in the bucket.

Lethal Leprechaun and I talked about having a special announcement for you guys and we both wanted to be the one who put it together.  We played Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock; the best two out of three.  He won the first round, then he won the second round and that should’ve been the end of it, but I caught him cheating!  He had an extra rock up his sleeve!  Can you imagine?  He tried to tell me that it didn’t mean anything in Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock, but while he was explaining how it didn’t matter, I pushed him into a broom closet and propped a chair up against the door handle.  Then I ran into my office to type out this special wish for a wonderful and happy day.

Oh…and

 

Now, I have to go let Lethal out before he has a chance to think of too many ways to punish me.  But, he did have a rock up his sleeve…

…so it’s his own fault…

…right?…

…He’ll see it that way, too…

…right?…

Okay, maybe a hiding place would be better.  I gotta go.

Cheers,

Impish

Well I could sit here and talk about how our weather while unseasonably warm has gotten better wing to the influx of cooler dryer air bought on by northerly breezes or how a week from tomorrow they’re promising us Texas’ version of fall temps…mid 70’s during the day and high 50s to low 60s at night.

In fact there are a bunch of things I could talk about but we both know what you really want to know is more about what’s happening post Impish’s down the mine hole dive and reunion with his family so we’ll get right to that for a bit.

We left our heroes on the escape shuttle heading towards the underground high security entrance to DL/LL headquarters   When the shuttle glides to a halt, Impish who simply can contain his curiosity no longer and begins, “Okay, now Lethal…”

The Leprechaun holds up his hand sharply, scowling at Impish puts his one finger to his lips to indicate silence then smiles as he turn to the women and says, “Here we are ladies, are we ready for our little tour?” Without waiting for an answer, he ushers Impish, Mrs. Dragon, and the dragonette, all having transformed into their human forms for the sake of ease, through the double door airlock.  The Ninja kitties are still keeping close guard, with the exception of Sinatra ,who is still purring contentedly in the arms of Mrs. Dragon while making eyes at her. The majority CyberLethals stay outside the door forming double rank in front of it having produce what appear to be riot shields. Two however continue on with you

They enter a foyer where one of the security members, a Gargoyle sits behind a stone desk that, in-turn, sits behind a wall of crystal clear, despite its thickness, glass.  Izzy, the dragonette in human form, but still dressed in her black ninja costume, having transformed it with her when she turned human, pipes up with, “Dad, is that bulletproof glass Gary is sitting behind?”

Before Impish can answer, Lethal says, “Oh, tis more than that, my dear lass.  It’s a very special compound made down in our tech department…”

“Oh, down where Mr. Ken works?”

“Mr. Ken?  Oh, Kennerick Kobold.  How do you know all …. never mind.  Yes, tis made down in the labs.  It is much more than just bulletproof.  Let’s just say that anyone attempting to breach that little box, and thereby gain entrance into our headquarters is going to have to bring something a bit more powerful than say an AGM-65 guided missile.  Of course the ensuing blast such a device would generate will of course render their successfully breach a moot point as they will not survive it to exploit the breach. Now, if you will be so good as to all follow me.”

Lethal looks into what appears to be  the eye piece of a set of binoculars while both his hands are on glowing glass plates then blows into a tube and recites what might have been a nursery rhyme in Gaelic.  The security man waits a moment then gives a nod and a huge blast door, over three-foot thick begins to open much faster than a door that size would seem to be able to move.  It is also completely silent, giving an idea of the perfect balance involved in it’s creation.  As they enter the area beyond, the door behind them closes and a similar one in front begins to open.  This little process happens another two times for four blast doors total.

Finally they reach a bank of elevators with more security personnel in attendance.  Realizing how far underground they already are, it is a complete surprise to Izzy and Mrs. Dragon when they descend rather than rise.  After traveling downward for what seems a long time, they finally exit the rear of the elevator using a key Lethal supplies into an office reception area.

Umm…sorry to interrupt but saying this weeks issue is jamb packed is like saying Trump is a conceited money making real estate genius. We really need to press on before the server file explodes and we lose the issue. We’ll get back to this at the end…as long as nothing goes (digitally) boom.

Mean time…

‘Tis true. My attitude tends towards- ‘I’m up, dressed and attending to your silly assed problem which could have easily been avoided if you listened to me the first hundred times I warned you about this sort of thing so don’t press your luck with that Shine and Smile shit.’ In fact, on the weekends we used to actually have what was known as the 9 AM Rule.

The 9 AM Rule states that if you’re calling me or my house before 9AM on Saturday or Sunday someone/something better be in mortal danger, have died or be about to die, our car or apartment better be on fire or being broken into. You’d better be calling to give me a butt load of money/valuable free stuff or to inform me of anything else of like grave/monumental importance. You or any other female we know being pregnant does not apply as that technically won’t reach this level until she’s headed to the hospital to give birth.

If you’re in jail, have your lawyer call me after 9 AM or hold your one phone call until after 9 AM. Even better yet don’t call me at all- you got your silly ass into the jamb, don’t involve me in getting you out.

Now I actually have the 9 AM rule available as a function on my Galaxy 6 phone. It blocks everyone not in my favorites list from phoning me by sending them right to voice mail and not disturbing me with a notification sound if they text me from 9 PM at night until 9 AM, or until I cancel it which ever comes first.

A very select few know how to make their way around this in case of family emergencies on either side of the family.

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, “I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week and when I return I expect to see it completed.”

Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions.

Furious, he called the artist in. “What the hell is this?” screamed the billionaire. “Why that’s exactly what you asked for” said the artist smugly. “No, I didn’t ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer’s last thoughts” “And there you have it” said the artist. “I call it, ‘Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians’

Hot Mom Caught Dancing In The Kitchen

 

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar and grab a booth.

Donald leans over, and with a smile on his face, says:

The media is really tearing you apart for that scandal.

Hillary: You mean the Mexican gun running?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean SEAL Team 6?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean the State Dept.  lying about Benghazi?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean voter fraud?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean the military not getting their votes counted?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean the drones in our own country without the benefit of the law?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million and right after it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean Obama arming the Muslim Brotherhood?”

Trump: No the other one.

Hillary: The IRS targeting conservatives?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: The DOJ spying on the press?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Sebelius shaking down health insurance executives?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Giving SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: The NSA monitoring citizens’ phone calls, emails and everything else?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Obama’s ordering the release of nearly 10,000 illegal immigrants from jails and prisons, and falsely blaming the sequester?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Obama’s threat to impose gun control by Executive Order in order to bypass Congress?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Obama’s repeated violation of the law requiring me to submit a budget no later than the first Monday in February?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary:  The 2012 vote where 115% of all registered voters in some counties voted 100% for Obama?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Obama’s unconstitutional recess appointments in an attempt to circumvent the Senate’s advise-and-consent role?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: The State Department interfering with an Inspector General investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Me, The IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: I give up!   Oh wait, I think I got it!  You mean that 65 million low-information voters who don’t pay taxes and get free stuff from taxpayers and stuck citizens again with the most pandering, corrupt administration in American history?

Trump: THAT’S THE ONE!

And we’ll still have people vote for her after knowing all this !  That is why Democrat and Dumb ass are synonymous.

Share with anyone that wants to hear the hilarious truth

 

A redneck went to the hospital, as his wife was having a baby.

Upon arriving, he sat down as the nurse came in and said to him,

“Congratulations, your wife has had quintuplets, five big baby boys.”

The redneck said, “I’m not surprised. I have a penis the size of a chimney.”

The nurse replied, “You might want to consider getting it cleaned. They’re all black

 

SO- I wasn’t planning on having any recipes this week as the issue is running very long and likely to get longer still before I’m done. Yeah. Then I got stupid and texted a friend who reads the blog a picture of Molly’s latest baking endeavor. Big mistake he alternated between begging for the recipe and toweling off his phone do to excessive drooling. That boy can drool almost as much and fast as Impish! I had to include it out of a sense o sheer self preservation! I was afraid his drool would start leaking though to my new phone!

For those of you who might not know or remember while I am the Chef in the house Molly is the Baker. Her specialty is Banana Bread. She’s been tweaking and perfecting her recipe since the age of like 12. It’s as close to heaven in a slice of baked goods as you can come, fresh but 100 times better when toasted the following morning and spread with a little butter for breakfast. It is manna in a loaf pan.

Or at least I thought it was until she decided she didn’t have enough bananas to make the usual two loaves let alone the three she needed to and decided to try combining her banana bread and pumpkin bread recipes into one bread.

if you’ll excuse me I just heard the toaster oven ding I have to go butter me a hot toasted slice of Banana Pumpkin & two Nuts Bread

 

Banana Pumpkin Bread

 

 

Prep: 20 m

Cook: 45 m

Ready; In 1 h 5 m

 

“This is a moist, tasty breakfast bread perfect with jam, margarine, or even cream cheese. Best of all, it’s low in fat!”

Ingredients

• 2 ripe bananas, mashed
• 2 eggs
• 1/3 cup vegetable oil
• 1 1/3 cups canned pumpkin puree
• 1/2 cup honey
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 3/4 cup raisins (optional)
• 1/2 cup walnut pieces (optional)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease an 9×5 inch loaf pan.
2. In a large bowl, stir together the mashed banana, eggs, oil, pumpkin, honey and sugar. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, pie spice and cinnamon, stir into the banana mixture until just combined. Fold in the raisins and walnuts if desired. Pour batter into the prepared pan.
3. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the loaf comes out clean. Cool loaf in the pan for 10 minutes before moving to a wire rack to cool completely.

She doesn’t like the raisins in the Pumpkin bread (they are not part of the Banana Bread recipe) and I prefer she use Crasians (dried cranberries). We also didn’t have the 1/2 cup of walnuts only about 1/3 of a cup so we went with a 1/4 cup each of walnuts and pecans instead.

Police in Irving, Texas arrested and later released high school student Ahmed Mohamed
for bringing what they believed to be a hoax bomb to school that was actually a homemade clock. [Click here for background] If only these police officers had some kind of handy guide to show them how to spot a terrorist plot…

The Top 5 Signs a School Science Project is Secretly a Terrorist Plot

5. Step five of a demonstration on the cycle of rain is NOT waterboarding spies.

4. It has a bar graph showing the number of post-death virgins vs. manner of death.

3. “How to make shoes out of C-4” seems a little suspicious even if they can reduce curvature of the spine from excessive walking.

2. It involves using generally-accepted scientific methods, instead of faith-based experimentation (for Texas only).

And the Number One Sign a School Science Project is Secretly a Terrorist Plot…

1. The trained hamsters are named Fat Man and Little Boy.

This one falls someplace between a PSA and a Cyber Security Alert actually.

Don’t just throw away your boarding pass. Shred it

What could possibly be dangerous about an airline boarding pass? It just has your name and destination on it, right? Unfortunately not, according to cybersecurity researcher Brian Krebs.

Krebs writes on his blog, KrebsOnSecurity, that one of his longtime readers saw a friend post a photo of one of his boarding passes on Facebook, including the barcode on it. The reader took a screenshot of the barcode on his friend’s website and uploaded it to the ClearImage Barcode Reader site. What he discovered shocked both him and Krebs.

Just by decoding the barcode, which anyone can do online, the reader discovered his friend’s personal information along with his frequent flyer number for Star Alliance, an organization comprised of 27 airlines. The barcode also revealed his friend’s “record key” for the Lufthansa flight, and that coupled with the frequent flyer number allowed him to view his friend’s future flights, change seats for anyone affiliated with the frequent flyer number and even cancel flights booked on the account.

Krebs points out the precautions some airlines take with frequent flyer numbers – for example, United Airlines uses asterisks for all but the last three numbers on any correspondence and on boarding passes, but the barcode reveals the number when decoded. This is obviously information you don’t want to share with the whole world, so next time you fly, be sure to destroy your boarding pass afterward.

Reporter gets angry and tells us the REAL news

 

Man and a woman had been dating for about a year and their relationship was taking a turn towards getting serious.

Man proposed and she accepted, however she told him that she wanted him to know that her chest was just like a baby’s.

He said that he loved her and that her measurements didn’t matter to him. He also told her that his penis was also like a baby.

She said that she loved him and size didn’t matter. Come the day of the wedding and all went well. That night the happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at the resort hotel.

The blushing bride was in the bathroom putting on a sexy nightie. Her husband was in the bed waiting. As she entered the bedroom, she reminded him of her confession about her chest being like a baby. “Don’t worry honey” he said.

She took her night gown off and her breasts were the smallest he had ever seen.

He said that he was going to get undressed and reminded her of his confession about his penis being like a baby. As he took his pants off the new bride said, “Good God All Mighty. I thought you said your penis was like a baby” “It is,” he said, “9 pounds and 19 inches long!”

Tim Hawkins- Old Rock Star Songs

 

A businessman in the first class cabin decided to talk to the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant ​with a trophy rack​.

“Businessman: What is your name?”

Flight Attendant:   “Angela Benz, sir.”

Businessman:   “Lovely name … any relation to Mercedes Benz?”

Flight Attendant:   “Yes sir, very close.”

Businessman:   “How close?”

Flight Attendant:   “Same price”

 

And here is a perfect reason why you shouldn’t

Texas girl, 10, bags 13-foot gator with crossbow

VICTORIA, Texas – A 10-year-old Texas girl now has some major bragging rights.  The hunter bagged an 800-pound alligator near Victoria, Texas.  And her weapon?  A crossbow!

Ella Hawk says she wasn’t even nervous because she has been hunting for several years.

The Victoria Advocate stated the 13-foot gator is ranked number one in the Trophy Game Records of the World database.

 

10 years old. With a crossbow. A weapon better than half as long as she is tall. Single head shot to it’s brain. She hit a target roughly the size of 3 olives, or put another way, a squirrel’s brain weighs in at roughly 7.6 oz. The alligators at 8.4, but the gators skull is at least 5 times the size of the squirrel’s entire body!

Gee Impish, isn’t the crossbow one of the weapons Izzy is getting tried with in her Ninja Assassin classes. As you mentioned last week, snakes are a distant cousin of Dragons. Aren’t gators an even closer cousin? I’m just sayin….

And in particular…

‘Cause they mess back…with silent & deadly weapons…and they can hit something the size of your ‘other’ head. Get my drift?

Albert Einstein was born March 14, 1879. He would be 136 if he were alive today.(2015) Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Löwenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919 At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was so well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA Connection.

This came to be known as Einstein’s Theory of “Relative Titty”

Oh, quit groaning! I don’t write this shit, I receive it from my warped friends and then post it here for you. After all, it beats the political crap I usually send to you!

 

There were four churches and a synagogue in a small Ohio town: a
Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic
church and a Jewish synagogue.  Each church and the synagogue had a
problem with squirrels.

The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about
their squirrels.  After much prayer and consideration they determined
the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t
interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the
baptistery.  The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the
baptistery and let the squirrels slide in and drown themselves.  The
squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how
to swim.  Twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm
any of God’s creatures.  So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and
set them free near the Baptist Church.  Two weeks later the squirrels
were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy.  They
baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the
church.  Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, but it’s rumored that
they took one squirrel and circumcised him.  They haven’t seen a
squirrel on their property since.

Lethal enters St Patrick’s Church confessional booth in Galveston, TX.

He tells the priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

Last night, after a few pints at Murphy’s Pub I beat the bloody shite out of a flag burner and an Obama supporter.”

The priest says, “My son, ‘tis here I am to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.”

I have seen this before I’m sure you have too but it needs to keep circulating until everyone gets a chance to read it and react accordingly
~

Read S..L..O..W..L..Y IT REFLECTS THE FEELINGS OF A LOT OF PEOPLE.

The folks who are getting the free stuff don’t like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff. Therefore the folks who are paying for the free stuff want the free stuff to stop, but the folks who are getting the free stuff want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!

Now… The people who are forcing the people to pay for the free stuff have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff that the people who are PAYING for the free stuff are being mean, prejudiced, and racist. So… the people who are GETTING the free stuff have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff and giving them the free stuff in the first place. We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the free stuff.

Now understand this:

All great democracies have committed financial suicide somewhere between 200 and 250 years after being founded.

The reason? The voters figured out they could vote themselves money from the treasury by electing people who promised to give them money from the treasury in exchange for electing them. The United States officially became a Republic in 1776, 238 years ago. The number of people now getting free stuff outnumbers the people paying for the free stuff. Failure to change that spells the end of the United States As we know it.

ELECTION 2016 IS COMING!

A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves

I all for PASSING THIS ON !!! For all our sake PLEASE Take a Stand!!!

Obama: Gone!
Borders: Closed!
Language: English only!
Culture: God, Constitution, and the Bill of Rights!
Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare!
NO  freebies to: Non-Citizens!

Many won’t send it along.. What will you do?

They are greeted by the sight of the Weekday sisters, all dressed much more for a confrontation than for being the public face of a vast digital media corporation. They are approached by something that looks like a cross between Swamp Thing and a Shambling Compost Mound smelling faintly of brimstone. Brutus meows loudly and launches himself off Impish at the figure rapidly climbing it to peer in what now can be discerned as a shrouded hood and ask “Merrow?”

An impossibly deep and gravel chuckle can be heard as a huge red hand pulls the hood back to reveal a large head with slightly demonic features, sporting a a goatee, severely trimmed down horns and an unlit cigar.  Though all of this is hard to discern with the enthusiastic Brutus doing his best to rub himself all over the face, all at the same time. Despite this, the figure manages to get in a nod to Lethal and the terse report, “We’re good Mean & Green, everything went just like you said it would on their part, so our part went off without a hitch. The Pixie carrier rounds worked perfect and I got a pair over each target and each hit their target twice with those moon dust bombs. Targets never noticed or felt the moon dust hit them. The shifting tunnel sections have been activated and now the only place you can get from there is back out to the campground- eventually. Now if you’ll excuse me I’d like to give the Green Man back his clothes and I’m told by my friend here, that he and I have some pressing culinary business”

Ninja cat ears all perk up at the sound of this last part, even Sinatra stops trying his best moves on Mrs. Dragon to peer at the figure. “Hey you guys are on the clock! Get your head back in the game. You know I’d never do that to you. Yours will be waiting when you get off duty, but if something happens to those girls I’ve left instructions to feed your share to the snapping turtles in the moat!” Reassured all whiskers and ears go back into radar mode and Sinatra resumes his wriggling and purring in Mrs. Dragon’s arms.

As this has been going on, the Weekday sisters have been surreptitiously guiding the party off to one side of the reception areas where they quickly move to a small conference room and sit around a table. The ninja kitties take up strategic posts around the table while Lethal seats himself at the head, with Friday to his right. The rest of the sisters busy themselves seeing to coffee and pastries for everyone before taking up guard positions about the room.  In front of Lethal, a panel slides open in the table, a computer rising up in front of him.  After tapping on the key board for a few seconds he turns to the rest in the room and says, “Right, this room is now as secure as we can make it.  It’s obvious that we’ve been penetrated by A.S.S.H.A.T. so we must assume that it may not be completely secure.  But, I’ve done all I can to make it so. Even the N.S.A. satellites can’t scan this deep. The room is a giant Faraday Cage now which means no cell signal. The computer has has its camera and mic removed by me personally and it’s not connected to the Network or Internet.”

Lethal pushes a button in the table and a large monitor appears on the far wall. He types briefly on the keyboard in front of him and  a bunch of text appears on the screen. Impish quickly realizes it’s the same text that was on the tablet that Litigious Leprechaun showed him while pretending to hide behind it.

        It was a setup. All of it.

        Found a broom only semi burnt in mine with A.S.S.H.A.T. Logo burned in handle.

        Nose count on dwarves is off by one but we aren’t missing any.

        Fire was set.

        Suspect assassination attempt to be made on us any second.

        Flame angrily, grab me and dive into mine or we might both be dead.

DO IT NOW!  Leprechauns are not big on risking their necks for others, these are going to get jumpy and start disappearing at the first whiff of trouble and there are innocents on the field.

“That was just to get the Ladies, who knew nothing about what was going to happen this morning, up to speed with you and I, Impish. Now you may fire when ready Gridley with your questions.” Lethal punctuates this statement with a health slurp from his Notre Dame mug and a raised eyebrow.

“Well, my first question is …”  

“wait … where’s Izzy?” Mrs. Dragon suddenly asks.  No one else in the room looks around except Mrs. Dragon who is getting more and more upset.

Aww…and I see were all out of time! Guess the rest of this will have to wait for Impish to recount for you on Saturday! Gee, I sure hope Izzy didn’t fall in a well or nothing, Lassie doesn’t have security clearance for this level nor does she get along with the Ninja Kitties! Lots of really big really bad things lurking down this low in the mountain for a (mostly) innocent sweet young thing to run afoul of!