Good Morning Campers,

I’m beginning to think that this warning should be on just about everything we do as a nation any more:

Sadly, it seems that the Adult Supervision has left the country and the whinny kids are running the place. 

After Lethal Leprechaun’s most amazing Memorial Day issue ever, I’ve been listening to the news, and reading on line of all the gimme, gimme, gimme crap that’s going on right now. 

Maybe we don’t need a sign warning us that there is adult content, maybe what we need is a warning to swim at your own risk since all the adults have left the pool area.  Someone, somewhere needs to start acting like adults and straightening this place out.

It shouldn’t have to be Lethal and I all the time.  But, then again.  Maybe it should.

Anyway, today is Memorial Day as I’m writing this and I’ve just gone through Lethal’s fantastic issue again, for like the 4th or 5th time.

Memorial Day always hits me (and Lethal, I know, since we’ve talked about it many times) very hard.  We’ve both lost friends, military brothers and sisters, and although they are with us every single day in our hearts and our thoughts, one day just doesn’t seem enough to thank everyone for the service they’ve freely given.

My kid, the Whelpling and Mrs. Whelpling and the grand kidlets are on their way over to swim, cook out and enjoy each other’s company.  I’ll add a bit more about today before I post this, but for now, take it away!

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. “Fred,” he replies. “Fred what?” the officer asks. “Just Fred,” the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. “Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?” The biker replies, “It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.”  “After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. I got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.” “Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.” The officer walked away in tears, laughing

As I mentioned in the opening, my grandkids came by and broke the pool in for the season.  I’ll bet the boys were in there for four hours! Anyway, here they all are in the pool.  My grand whelplings.

As you can see, they had a great time.  I won’t belabor you any longer with boring family stuff.  Exciting to us, maybe, but boring to you guys.

 

So, a lot of times I get caught up in an internet search and my curiosity takes me to many strange places.  This one isn’t strange as much as it is enlightening.  So, here’s what I found.  According to motor-guides.com, the 5 most reliable cars are:
#5 – Volkswagen Beetle
#4 – Honda Accord
#3 – Volkswagen Jetta
#2 – Toyota Camry
and the number one most reliable car is……..

drumroll please ……

#1 – Honda Civic!

I  had a Volkswagen Beetle while in Germany all these many moons ago and it was the toughest, most reliable little son-on-a-gun you could ever imagine.  But this was an older, original type Beetle.  I hadn’t realized that the “Bugs” fitness had carried over to the new model.  Does anyone else think it’s odd that, on a list of 5, Volkswagen has two spots and so does Honda?

Well, now that we’ve looked at the best, shouldn’t we also look at the worst?

From the same guys, motor-guides.com comes the 5 Least reliable cars (and trucks on this list!)
#5 – Chevrolet Silverado
#4 – Ford Escape
#3 – Fiat 500L
#2 – Nissan Pathfinder

and the number one least reliable car is…….

raspberry please……

#1 – Ford Fiesta!

Personally, I’m not surprised by the number one choice at all.  And I’m also not surprised to see that Ford had 2 in the bottom 5.  The Silverado surprised me, but maybe only because I am a fan of Chevy’s.

What about you guys?  Anyone got any horror stories about a car that you owned?

 

Here’s a great little infographic, again, from our friends at makeuseof.com.  I’m not a fan of the selfie, don’t take hardly any myself, if at all.  (I honestly can’t remember the last selfie I took).  So, how could I have ever guess that the selfie had such a rich and varied history?

 

Dragons are very fun loving, rambunctious creatures.  The things they do to each other in play, like breathing fire, would destroy you puny humans in a heart beat.  That’s one of the main reasons that dragons will eventually take over the earth.

Mrs. Dragon notices her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “You know, that’s not going to help,” she says.

“Sure it does,” Impish answers. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. Everything quickly turned to chaos when a woman carrying a child started walking towards the front.

Everybody was surprised, shocked, and the bride even fainted. The pastor asked the woman if she had anything to say.

The woman replied, “We can’t hear in the back.”

If you don’t get that joke, then you don’t read the same books that Lethal Leprechaun and I do.

A man was on a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.

There was a baby pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.

The housewife replied, “Ah, he’s not that friendly. That’s his bowl you’re using.”

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher instructed her third grade class.

“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” answered one little girl.

“Jane . Do you know what pregnant means?”

“Yes,” said the girl. “It means carrying a child.”

 

No, that’s not Lethal’s yacht that he keeps going on about.  It is actually one of the party areas in the recreation mountain.  And yes, the 3-headed sea serpent is real.  He’s also the waiter.  If you look close you can see him serving the guy on the little raft.  I don’t know why the guy is on the raft, some people  just can’t wait to get their food.

 

I’m really not sure what day I started working on this issue because it’s not for Saturday, Lethal Leprechaun did his Memorial Day issue, which I’m sure will be fantastic.  Yes, I know I’m using past and future tense in the same sentence.  See, today is Thursday, May 26th and this Saturday is the Memorial Day issue, but you won’t be reading this until Wednesday, June 1st.  So for me it’s in the future, but for you it’s in the past.

But, the important thing is that today is the 26th of May, which also happens to be “Red Nose Day”.  Red Nose Day is an off shoot of Comic Relief.  It is a special day to get money for Hungry Children.  A very worthwhile event.

Walgreens is a major sponsor and they are selling T-Shirts, Wrist Bands and red noses among other things.  So, having purchased some wrist bands and some noses, I have a dentist appoint this afternoon where I will be going like this:

Yes, that is me.  Scruffy beard, red nose and all.  I’ll let you know how it goes at the dentist.  Should be great fun!

Update: Well, it didn’t go so great at the dentist.  All was going well, he started to work on my teeth, I had to open my mouth and breath through my nose…and … well … the red nose clamps your nose shut and I passed out.  And once I passed out, the dentist and his assistant took off my nose and…and…
Oh, it’s just to horrible to say!
I’m so ashamed!  And I feel so dirty!
They…they…LAUGHED at me!

Okay, this next one is bloody awful…so it gets a warning:

Yup!  Pretty bad!

Why don’t we move on to another fun section?

Sure!  It’s Safe!  Yeah, only if he’s a friggin’ circus performer!
The tiger’s lunch will be served in 3…2…1…
The alligator’s lunch will be …aw, you get the idea.
While at the emergency room getting treated for 3rd degree burns the doctor asked Billy-Bob how it happened.  He said, “Well, me and Scooter were sittin’ around and I had this great idea, so I told Scooter, ‘hold my beer and watch this!’ I ain’t really sure what happened after that.”
Even his feet are bare, touching the metal ladder, in the pool using an electric drill.  There are SO MANY things wrong with this picture!
Later, after Harry convince the Muguls at the party that they could fly on a broom, too.  The ambulance was called many times.

If I responded to everyone of the offers I’ve received and if they were all true, I’d own the entire world’s wealth by now.  So Melvin Simpchuk, I suggest you continue to watch for a scam.

If you don’t laugh with this woman then you are dead.  Go bury yourself.

I enjoy the TED Talks, this one is pretty cool.  How to tell someone is lying.

A cool father/son video called “What’s inside?”  This issue, what’s inside a rattlesnake rattle.

I thought this one was cool, too.  What’s inside a wasp nest?

Today’s Last Word, as promised, is a tribute to my reaction to Lethal’s Memorial Day issue.  As many of you have noted, it was his best one yet.  And Lethal, this one is for you!

You are on your way to the campgrounds where you normally participate in Impish Dragon’s Dragon Laffs.  And you start seeing road signs:

 

 

A little further down the road and you see another:

 

 

 

 

Every half mile there is a new sign.

 

 

 

 

You can’t help yourself.  You’re starting to get really excited.  Grandma’s awake and the kids won’t keep quiet in the back seat!

 

It’s just sign after sign.  You’re beginning to wonder if it’s all just one big joke!  But, no!  You know in your heart that Impish wouldn’t do that to you.

 

 

It must be close now.  You can see what looks like a small city springing up ahead.  You’ve been by this way many times and have never seen a city here before.

Before you realize, you’ve turned off the highway and pulled into a little town that seems to have sprung up almost out of nowhere.  Could all this be here because of some of new monument?   Could all of this just have sprung up since the last issue?

 

On the left, you pass a Motel.  Could it be that this Motel is ONLY here to cater to people visiting the monument?

 

 

 

 

You are overwhelmed with what you’re seeing!

You pass business after business with signs similar to what you’ve already seen.

Finally, you seem to have reached your destination.

A small grassy area with a handsome but understated fence surrounding…something.  You can’t quite see what’s there since it’s surrounded by people.

You find a place to park the car and you join a line that’s waiting to enter the fenced in area.  The crowd is quite subdued, even the children speaking in hushed, almost reverent voices.  You overhear conversations and realize that this monument had something to do with the fantastic Memorial Day Issue that Impish’s partner (and some say brother, although they are of two different mythical species) publishes yearly.

You finally manage to make it to the front of the line.  You have your 1 minute of viewing time and you realize two things. Firstly, 1 minute will not be enough time and secondly, it is truly as amazing, no!

Wait!

More amazing than you could have ever imagined.

As your time expires and you step aside you reveal:

As you arrive you can tell that plans are in full swing for the first 3 day party on the DL/LL Digital Media Readers Resort Mountain. There is a great deal of hustle and bustle in the parking lot centered around loading luggage into shuttle busses, parking cars and the issuing of color coded wrist bands corresponding to privilege levels and shuttle busses to be boarded when you are done. CyberLethals and iLethals abound to oversee all phases of the operation and get you inside as efficiently and swiftly as possible.

 

As you are directed towards the building you notice the walkways are lined with simple white crosses, White marble tombstones and battlefield crosses adorned with dog tags softly tinkling in the gentle breeze. Each is attending by one of the DL/LL Veterans standing behind the grave marker at parade rest.

 

 

 

As you come abreast of each one in your groups headed for the entryway they snap to attention and recite:

“This is my gone before serviceman. There are legion like him dating back to the first shots fired in the American Revolution but this one is mine. I will honor him and keep the memory of his sacrifice and service alive as I hope one day someone will keep mine, lest we ever forget the high price of freedom.”

 

 

The grave markers continue though the building to the elevator and again down the corridor to the Conference room.

Inside, there 10 flags are displayed in two ranks in front of the stage watched over by a spit and polished honor guard. To the rear, The American Flag and the POW/MIA flag. In the front rank are flags for the five branches of the military services plus the Army Reserve, Air Force Reserve and the National Guard , each flag attended by one of its own.  Lethal and Impish stand at the podium in full uniform awaiting you.

Staff urge to hurry grab your refreshment of choice and take your seat as soon as possible. As soon as you have Lethal begins:

Good Morning, Thank You all for coming.

We are here today to begin a three day weekend which culminates in Memorial Day, a day of remembrance for our honored dead, our fallen service men and women.

Why is it important we remember the fallen? The answer is simple, a man’s (or woman’s) legacy is all anybody has left after they shuffle off this mortal coil.

More than 500 WWII Veterans die every day. And when the last one dies, we will begin to forget. That is what happens, you see … do you remember World War I? Do you feel the emotional connection to that war? But as long as we take the time to remember and honor those who lost their lives fighting for our great Country they will never really be lost. Their legacy will remain.

Regardless of their background, upbringing, branch of service, where they were stationed or what action they saw, they all have one thing in common. Each of their legacies starts off with the same notation-

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 KJV

When needed, they stepped up, took an oath pledging their lives in the service of their country and defense of friends, family and total strangers. Regardless of all the rest of their accomplishments or failures, that alone is worthy of remembrance and honor. This has happen for eleven separate wars for a total of nearly 1.2 million causalities. Lord only knows how many have lost their lives in covert operations and are not therefore openly counted in these figures. Never should we allow any future generation to forget men and women such as these have lived and died for us.

That Ladies and Gentleman is the reason and importance behind Memorial Day. Please keep it in mind this weekend.

One last thing, there exists an entire category of people whom it appropriate to honor this day. Those who made it back physically but mentally or spiritually died on the field of battle. First it was called ‘Shell Shock’ then ‘Battle Fatigue’. Those in Viet Nam coined the term ‘The Thousand Yard Stare’ then finally came ‘Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’. However you name it, these men too died on the battle field, they just didn’t fall down. So they too deserve our remembrance and honor.

Thank you for your kind attention. I know you are all anxious to get to the issue and what comes after so without further preamble lets get this issue started

Ladies and Gentleman I would ask that you join Impish and I in standing for the raising of the National Colors.

Morning Colors USMC style at Parris Island

 

Please be seated. You may slurp it, munch it, dunk it, smoke it, vape it or toke it (but don’t inhale it!) if you have it.

 

Memorial Day Facts at a Glance

 

A proud American seeks an MIA soldier: CBSN Special

 

 

Bombardier’s Station in B-17.  The unit behind the chair is the bombing site. The item hanging down above it it’s the site for the remote operated chin turret which he fired. To the right of the chair you see the control yoke for the chin turret.

The Meaning of Memorial Day – “Freedom is Never Free” – A Vietnam Veteran’s Tribute

 

 

USS Missouri sends a 16 inch ‘Hi how are ya?’ to our enemies from her forward turret

 

War Lyrics

Edwin Starr

War, huh yeah
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, oh hoh, oh
War huh yeah
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again y’all
War, huh good God
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me

Oh, war, I despise
‘Cause it means destruction of innocent lives
War means tears to thousands of mothers eyes
When their sons go off to fight and lose their lives

I said
War, huh good God y’all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, just say it again
War whoa Lord
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me
War, it ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreak
War, friend only to the undertaker

Oh war, is an enemy to all mankind
The thought of war blows my mind
War has caused unrest within the younger generation
Induction, then destruction who wants to die

War, good God, y’all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it, say it, say it
War, uh huh, yeah, huh
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me
War, it ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreaker
War, it’s got one friend that’s the undertaker

Oh, war has shattered many young man’s dreams
Made him disabled bitter and mean
Life is much too short and precious to spend fighting wars these days
War can’t give life it can only take it away, ooh

War, huh, good God y’all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again
War, whoa, Lord
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me
War, it ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreaker
War, friend only to the undertaker

Peace love and understanding tell me
Is there no place for them today
They say we must fight to keep our freedom
But Lord knows there’s got to be a better way

War, huh, good God y’all
What is it good for?
You tell ’em, say it, say it, say it, say it
War, good Lord, huh
What is it good for?
Stand up and shout it, nothing
War, it ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreaker

 

Live on PBS From the West Lawn of the U.S. Capitol!

Sunday, May 29, from 8:00 to 9:30 p.m. ET

The National Memorial Day Concert features uplifting musical performances, documentary footage, and dramatic readings that honor the military service of all our men and women in uniform, their families at home and those who have made the ultimate sacrifice. One of PBS’ highest-rated programs, the multi-award-winning television event has become an American tradition, featuring a star-studded lineup performing in tribute to all Americans who have sacrificed for our country.

The program is co-hosted by Tony Award winner Joe Mantegna and Emmy Award winner Gary Sinise, two acclaimed actors dedicated to supporting veterans and troops.

The concert’s mission is to unite the country in remembrance and appreciation of the fallen and to serve those who are grieving. Executive Producer Jerry Colbert says, “We think of the agony of the mother or father who lost a child, the spouses and children left behind, the people who are wounded in body and soul. And we do this memorial service to remember and reach out to them. We must remember their sacrifices and continue the mission set forth by Abraham Lincoln to ‘care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow and his orphan.’”

 

The True Meaning of Memorial Day

 

 

National Moment of Remembrance

You’re so focused on unplugging and decompressing over the next few days that an appointment may have slipped your mind.

3 p.m. on Memorial Day, remember?

Sure, Memorial Day weekend is when America pretends that summer has started. And if you’re like 80% of us, that’s where the meaning of the three-day holiday begins and ends.

Which is why, in 2000, Congress passed The National Moment of Remembrance Act, as an added way of honoring America’s fallen heroes.

The National Moment of Remembrance, established by Congress, asks Americans, wherever they are at 3 p.m., local time, on Memorial Day, to pause in an act of national unity for a duration of one minute.

Each year at 3:00 p.m. on Memorial Day, Americans unite in a National Moment of Remembrance which honors America’s fallen and their families. During this Moment, 200 Amtrak trains blast their whistles, approximately 500,000 Major League Baseball fans are joined in silence, and countless other participants make a vow to remember.

Memorial Day was originally established as Decoration Day in 1868, as a way to honor the fallen soldiers of the Civil War. Never before had so many American soldiers died in battle, and as a result national cemeteries began to be formed. On the first Decoration Day, 5,000 participants gathered at Arlington National Cemetery to decorate the graves of the 20,000 Union and Confederate soldiers buried there. Southern states refused to acknowledge the day, choosing to honor their dead on separate days until after World War 1, when Memorial Day changed from honoring those who died during the Civil War to those fallen in any war.

But as the true meaning of Memorial Day has become obscured over time, shrouded in the haze of BBQ smoke, some were moved to institute a moment of silence. Allegedly, the idea for the moment came when children touring Washington D.C. were asked about the meaning of Memorial Day and responded, “That’s the day the pool opens.”

So the National Moment of Remembrance Act calls us to stop and remember. As noted by the Uniformed Services Benefit Association, here’s what will happen at 3pm on Monday in observance of the National Moment of Remembrance: Trains will blow their whistles. Almost 500,000 Major League Baseball fans will pause for a moment of silence. Cars will drive with their headlights on. Americans everywhere will wave flags. “Taps” will play throughout the nation.

The time 3 p.m. was chosen because it is the time when most Americans are enjoying their freedoms on the national holiday. The Moment does not replace traditional Memorial Day events; rather, it is an act of national unity in which all Americans, alone or with family and friends, honor those who died in service to the United States.

Won’t you please set a reminder on your phones or other digital devices right now and make a promise to take one solitary minute out of your Monday, 1/1440th of your Memorial Day to join with Impish and I in honoring our fallen heroes who paid with their lives for you to have the opportunity to celebrate Memorial Day?

Heart-wrenching story of Lance Cpl. losing his team

 

Just A Common Soldier

Just A Common Soldier, also known as A Soldier Died Today, is one of the most popular poems on the Internet. Written and published in 1987 by Canadian veteran and columnist A. Lawrence Vaincourt, it now appears in numerous anthologies, on thousands of websites and on July 4, 2008 it was carved into a marble monument at West Point, New York. This year marks the poem’s 25th anniversary.

Thank to Paul K9 for sending this one in.

 

Wrong question, wrong answer: Army chief of staff rejects on-post carry

[Highlighting and text emphasis is mine- L.L.]

By J.E. Dyer April 9, 2016

A nice little lesson here in how framing the proposition the wrong way leads to a biased conclusion.

Jack Heretik reports at the Washington Free Beacon on recent Senate testimony given by General Mark Milley, the Army chief of staff.  Senator Mike Lee (R-UT) questioned Milley about personnel security on military facilities, both bases and off-base recruiting stations.

Milley responded that personnel security for recruiting stations is best managed by local commanders, who are familiar with the level of risk, local laws, and other related conditions.  He stipulates the following about the conditions of carry:

[S]ome of the constraints on that: people have to be trained, it must be a government owned weapon, can’t carry privately owned weapons, et cetera.

But here is how he responded on the question of individual soldier carry on bases. 

Note that Senator Lee did not mention concealed carry, with all that implies, in his question.  It’s the general who frames the issue in those terms:

Milley then answered about larger bases, saying that his preference for increased security is that it would be better for more police and guards.

“In terms of carrying privately owned weapons on military bases, concealed, privately owned weapons, that is not authorized. That is a DOD policy. I do not recommend that it be changed. We have adequate law enforcement on those bases to respond,” Milley said.

But hang on.  Who’s talking about carrying privately owned weapons, concealed?

On a military base, the going-in proposition should not be that someone with a concealed weapon might be ready to respond if an attacker starts pumping rounds at people.

The going-in proposition should be that a military base is a hard target because a lot of qualified, trained soldiers (in the case of the Army) are walking around with regulation sidearms in regulation holsters, out where everyone can see them.  Deterrence should be the organizing idea, more than reaction.

Of course there should be rigorous qualifications for this, including (in my view) a minimum grade, or rank, requirement, and a commanding officer’s formal permission, granted only after a soldier meets demanding criteria.  This responsibility isn’t for the most junior soldiers in the enlisted ranks.  It would have to be attended by rules that were part of an entrenched culture of firearm safety and responsibility.

But that last sentence is the key.  General Milley speaks from the mindset of an American culture that has come to treat firearms as too dangerous for the people to be trusted with.  The culture sees the people themselves as inherently untrustworthy, for a number of important purposes.  One of those is being armed, and able to defend yourself and defuse situations in which people’s lives are at risk.

There is a whole world of prejudicial assumptions behind the premise that all handling of dangerous situations must be left to those formally chartered for law enforcement.  Those assumptions have gone unexamined in American public discussions for decades now.

But the price we’re beginning to pay for refusing to examine those assumptions is very high.  It’s costing people their lives, whether they are formally prohibited from defending themselves (as in some states), or discouraged from defending themselves by cultural biases and assumptions.

Ultimately, the bias against seeing the people armed – even trained soldiers on a military base – is a bad trend that works to the advantage of excessive, improper government.

I have the greatest respect for General Milley, and I understand his concern about the administrative challenges of allowing soldiers to go armed on military bases.  The challenges are real.  It’s not like they’ve never been faced before; keeping everyone disarmed, by default, on a military base is a relatively recent development.  But changing the culture back to accepting armed soldiers as a baseline would unquestionably require effort and adjustment.

What Americans need to understand is that the members of the top military brass are not going to push for that.  Now that they don’t have to administer their forces on that basis, it just looks to them like a headache.

The people themselves have to decide that’s how they want their military to operate – because it’s how Americans live.  Not everyone has to embrace the armed life, with its serious responsibilities.  But those who don’t choose it must not be able to set the limits of fear and ignorance on those who do.

Same old story, they can fight and die  on an ill-conceived whim, but most can’t legally buy a beer or vote.

Not tho’ the soldier knew Someone had blunder’d: Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die:

Into the valley of Death Rode the service men & women of the US military.…at home…unarmed…but instead armored in targets of terrorist hatred.

 

 

Willie McBride a.k.a. Green Fields of France

Well how do you do young Willie McBride?
do you mind if I sit down here by your graveside
and rest for a while ‘neath the warm summer sun
I’ve been walkin’ all day and I’m nearly done
I see by your gravestone you were only nineteen
when you joined the great fallen of 1916
Well I hope you died quick and I hope you died clean
Willie McBride was it slow and obscene CHORUS

CHORUS
Did they beat the drum slowly did they play the fife lowly,
did they sound the death march as they lowered you down
did the band play the last post and chorus,
did the pipes play the “Flowers of the Forest”

And the beautiful wife or the sweetheart for life
in some faithful heart are you forever enshrined
and although you died back in 1916
in that faithful heart are you forever nineteen?
or are you a stranger without even a name
enshrined forever behind a glass pane
in an ould photograph torn tattered and stained,
fading to yellow in a brown leather frame? CHORUS

Now the sun shines down on the green fields of France
a warm summer wind makes the red poppys dance
The trenches have vanished under the plows,
there’s no gas no barbed wire, there’s no guns firing now
but here in this graveyard it’s still No Man’s land,
the countless white crosses stand mute in the sand
for man’s blind indifference to his fellow man,
to a whole generation that was butchered and damned CHORUS

Now Willie McBride I can’t help wonder why
Do those who lie here do they know why they died
Did they really believe when they answered the call
did they really believe that this war would end wars
For all of suffering and shame
the killing the dying was all done in vain
for young Willie McBride it’s all happened again,
and again, and again, and again and again CHORUS x2

 

PLEASE Oh Lord, Let it happen in our life time- We’ve more than enough Willie McBrides already!

Yup, still raining around here. Rain has been in the forecast everyday now since last Tuesday. We were threatened with up to 6 inches total accumulation last week but thankfully only saw about 2.5 to 3 inches.

Now rain is in our forecast, or at least the threat of it every day right through Memorial Day. I’m starting to suspect this isn’t Texas and the Gulf Coast at all but that somehow while I was sleeping at some point I was transported the the Pacific Northwest and Seattle.

I’m beginning to fear that these dark green blotches on my already normally green skin are in fact patches of moss or mold growing on me!

So before all this rain turns me into the Swamp Thing, the Creature From the Black Lagoon or freaking Moss Man, let’s get this show on the road as I still have work to be done on the Memorial Day issue for Saturday.

Creedence Clearwater Revival (live) – Who´ll stop the rain

 

Impish was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so he approached and asked, “Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?”
One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!”
So he apologized and replied, “I am so sorry.  Are you three whales from Scotland ?”
And that’s the last thing he could remember.

 

The smartest way to trick a dog into taking medicine a dog into taking medicine

 

 

I think the Ninja cats have watched one too many Super Hero movies with Impish’s daughter. They’re demanding their own “Catmobile” now and this is what they came up with:

Lonnie Johnson – Falling Rain Blues

 

Just in time for the holiday weekend this delicious adult beverage will go down refreshingly smooth all summer long and have you feeling no pain at all! What could be better than that?

Pain Killer

If you need to numb the pain, the Pain Killer is just what the doctor ordered. It was originally concocted at the legendary Soggy Dollar Bar in the Sandcastle Hotel, Jost Van Dyke, British Virgin Islands. Technically you can’t make one unless you’re using Pusser’s Navy Rum. Pusser’s is a delightful rum based on the rum used by the British Navy until July 31, 1970.

Pain Killer

4 oz. rum (preferably Pusser’s)
4 oz. Pineapple Juice
1 oz. Coconut Cream
1 oz. Orange Juice
8 oz. Crushed Ice

Mix all ingredients in a blender and blend for approximately 3 seconds. Serve in a tiki mug or double rocks glass and dust with nutmeg, cinnamon, or both.

From our ‘Everything is Bigger in Texas“Department- It was thought a small alligator had managed to find its way into Lake Conroe recently or that one of the alligator gar known the inhabit the swampy end  of the lake had grown too large and was venturing out in search of dinner. Reports of small dogs being missing, half eaten raccoons and squirrels being found on lawns as well as small water fowl suddenly being dragged under and never being seen again lasted about to weeks until this roughly 50 pound snapping turtle was spotted and captured. This was no easy feat either since he chewed his way though the volleyball net originally used to snare him before they got him to shore.

Impish said the things attitude reminded him of one of his ex-wives.

Can’t Help Falling in Love (Elvis) – ThePianoGuys

Speaking of Impish, he is a big fan of The Piano Guys so this new one is for him. Enjoy buddy!

 

I say it’s a phoenix, Impish says it’s a dragon.  Regardless its pretty darn cool looking you’ve got to admit.

 

Keep your eyes on the two glowing dots that appear below the tail hanging off the ledge.

Have You Ever Seen the Rain? – John Fogerty

You can’t tell I have rain on my mind can you?

Hey I’d love to hang around and continue to watch you guys laugh coffee out your noses when you see things in the issue but I’ve got only 2 more days to finish the Memorial Day issue and its only about 75 or 80% done so I’m outta here. Catch you Saturday bright and early.

Good Morning,

I think the above header is most appropriate for my week, this week.  I’ve worn so many different hats and been so many different people (and that’s not EVEN counting all the additional people in my head) that it’s just been a crazy week.

All three of us in the family have had one or more Doctor’s appointments this week, to the point that we had some sort of appointment every day.  And now the insurance company is going to give me a hard time over a medicine that the doctor put me on, because the administrative people at the insurance company know more what I need then my doctor does.

Anyway, the rest of the week was more of the same.

I’m working on Saturday, off on Sunday and will be having some people over on Saturday night.  You all are invited, the only requirement is for you to bring your own drinks.  I used to try and have something for everyone in the drinks department, but that got to be way too crazy so now I have what we like, and you’re always welcome to share that, but otherwise, you’re on your own.

OH, and the number one rule.  If you’re going to drink, I get your keys when you show up.  Even if you have a dedicated sober driver, I will happily give them back to the DD when you’re ready to leave if that individual has remained sober.

So, now that I’ve said a great deal of nothing in my opening monologue, let’s get to the good stuff while I go take a nap.  I really got to get better writers.

We interrupt this e-zine to bring you this breaking news story. 

Lewinsky Fails To Endorse Clinton

Monica Lewinsky released the following statement on Hillary Clinton’s run for President:

“I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a bad taste in my mouth. As we get closer to November of this election year, citizens must remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs. The last time she had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to me. And I simply blew it.”

Monica

We now return you to your issue of Dragon Laffs already in progress.  Thank you for your understanding.

…and the grocer says, “That’s NOT a banana, lady!”

 

 

So, I started with this very cute “Mental Health Hotline Message” and afterward there was video after video of taped scammer calls and phone scammers being owned and all kinds of good stuff.  Be aware that after you watch this one, you may very well be sucked in and watch for hours.  Sadly, this is the first one that I watched this morning (Monday) and got absolutely nothing else done before I had to go to work.

Every now and then we have to give you one of those really nice, touchy/feely videos to make you feel good about the world.  Here’s one of them now:

 

And I’ve included thjs one, just because stuff blowing up is cool and fireworks are cool, so when a fireworks factory blows up, that is pretty much at the top of the coolness scale.

 

 

 

As some/many of you know, I’m a science geek as well as a fantasy, mythical creature.  And rather than being just involved with my own heritage (the realm of fantasy and mythology oddly enough) I’m also a big fan of science fiction.  This detail of the U.S.S. Enterprise is really quite detailed.  I believe I saved the whole hi-res picture above, so if you’d like to get a better look at it, you can left click and “save as” and when you open it with your picture program you should be able to zoom in on the details.

But then again, maybe not.

Can I get an amen?

 

 

There is yet another new scam off wondering around with out adult supervision.  This scam involves spoofing your caller I.D. and trying to trick you into believing you are receiving a call from the police department, IRS, State Police, etc.  Here’s a quick article from our dear friends at the Kommando Show.
Watch out for fake caller ID scams

Just like you and me, scammers work hard to earn their living. So it should come as no surprise that they’re constantly coming up with new ways to trick people like you and me into simply handing over our hard-earned cash.

This time around, the FTC is warning people about a phone scam that is using fake caller ID information, called caller ID spoofing, to get victims to send money to what they think is a legitimate agency, such as the police department, a cable provider or another company you do regular business with.

Use the following guidelines, directly from the FTC, as rules of thumb to avoid caller ID scams:

• If you get a strange call from the government, hang up. If you want to check it out, visit the official (.gov) website for contact information. Government employees won’t call out of the blue to demand money or account information.
• Don’t give out — or confirm — your personal or financial information to someone who calls.
• Don’t wire money or send money using a reloadable card. In fact, never pay someone who calls out of the blue, even if the name or number on the caller ID looks legit.
• Feeling pressured to act immediately? Hang up. That’s a sure sign of a scam.

I know that the “computer issue” stuff is Lethal Leprechaun’s forte, but I felt this was important enough to get this out to you as soon as possible.  I’ve seen and read a lot about people still being scammed by these scumbags, and it’s usually some older person who isn’t as savvy at this sort of thing and it pisses me off.
Don’t ever, ever, ever believe what you get in your e-mail, unless you’re sure it’s from someone you actually trust.  And remember, the scumbags can make it look like you’re getting an email from someone you know, too.  And don’t ever trust anyone who calls you on the phone, no matter what the caller I.D. says.  If they called you, you can’t be sure.  If you want to be sure that the person on the phone is who they say they are, hang up the phone, look up the number to the organization they claim to be from (don’t ask them for the number for you to call back, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t give you the right number) and call them to see if they are looking for you for some reason.

Okay, Public Service is now out of service.  Back to the laughs!

 

Thanks to K² for this next one,

That really would be about right.  And that is a perfect lead in to:

 

I figured that this spot is perfect for the following graphic:

Baby says, “Let’s see…is her mouth open?  Then yup, she’s spouting shit!”

Okay!  Uncle!  I can’t take anymore! 

We need to go right into Motivational Posters so we can laff!

And it really sucks when you can’t find the damn can opener!

Now, here’s a new section that I’d love for all of you to contribute to.  It has to do with weeding out the shallow end of the gene pool and it’s called:

You’ll understand the title in just a second…

“Hey!  I’ll bet if I pull the trigger back a little bit, it will let enough light in the other end that I’ll be able to tell if there is a bullet in there or not.”

“I’m Batma…” Thud!

I always wondered where “Stumpy” got his nickname from.

“Hey Jethro, kneel down, hold my beer and watch this!”

“Sure son, go on out and play on the trampoline if you want.”

And it goes by WAY TOO FAST!!!

Of course!  What else would it be?

“Bubba!  Come on!  Walmart dropped the price of those chips you like!”

And with that my friends, another issue of Dragon Laffs has come to an end.  I know there wasn’t as much of my jabbering in this issue, but I hope you all got something to laugh at.  Until next time…

We’re getting as much as another 6 inches of rain this week. So far since Saturday we’ve gotten probably 2.5” but thankfully have managed to avoid any serious flooding from prolonged downpours.

As this is ‘graduation season’ I’ve been hard at work with several caterers as per my usual, coming up with new ideas, making old things new again and tossing in a couple Yankee favorites Texas apparently have never come across before. However the rather unpredictable weather and subsequent last minute venue change are driving everyone I’m working with to distracted frazzlery.

As a result, I’m pressed for time to write my usual brilliant opening and make my deadlines so lets just get to it shall we?

‘Bout time my espresso got here!

What Happens When You Throw A Pound Of Solid Sodium Into A River?

 

 

 

THE DONALD’S FIRST DAY IN OFFICE

1. President Donald Trump and Vice President Marco Rubio are sworn into office.

2. In a rare event on inauguration day, Congress convenes for an emergency
meeting to repeal the illegal and unconstitutional Socialist healthcare
farce known as Obamacare. The new Director of Health and Social Services Dr.
Ben Carson announces that an independent group of healthcare management
professionals is hired to handle healthcare services for poor and low income
people. They are also assigned the duty of eliminating Medicare and Medicaid
fraud. Government’s costs for public healthcare are reduced by 90%.
Healthcare insurance premiums for working Americans are reduced by 50%. The
move saves billions of taxpayer paid dollars. Healthcare service in the U.S
improves 100%.

3. Newly appointed Department of Homeland Security Chief Ted Cruz announces
the immediate deployment of troops to the U.S. Mexico border to control
illegal immigration and the immediate deportation of illegals with criminal
records or links to terrorist groups. New bio-encrypted Social Security IDs
are required by every American citizen. Birthright is abolished. All
immigration from countries that represent a threat to the safety of American
citizens is terminated indefinitely. The move saves American taxpayers
billions of dollars. Several prisons are closed.

4. Newly appointed Secretary of Business and Economic Development Carly
Fiorina eliminates more than half of the Government agencies operating under
the Obama administration saving taxpayers billions of dollars. Stocks rise
100%.

5. Newly appointed Director of Government Finance Rand Paul announces the
abolition of the IRS and displays a copy of the new Federal Tax Return form.
It consists of one page. The instructions consist of two pages. The Federal
Reserve is audited. The move saves American Taxpayers billions of dollars
and increases tax revenue.

6. Hillary Clinton is in prison, where she belongs. Her cell is directly
across from Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton who are serving time for
“Hate Crimes”. She bitches at them constantly from behind the bars of her cell in what some call cruel and unusual punishment.

7. Bernie Sanders is in the nuthouse, where he belongs. His room is directly across from Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chris Matthews and Al Franken. They meet for tea every day at 10 AM and discuss the success and benefits of Communism and Socialism throughout the world. They also wonder when the Mothership” is going to pick them up and return them to their home planets.

8. Windows 12 is released. It is designed for humans, doesn’t try to satisfy the needs of every person on the planet, doesn’t require a degree in nuclear physics to operate and looks just like Windows 7 except it is easier to use.

9. Barack Obama flees the United States under cover of darkness and returns to his homeland of Kenya before his trial for treason begins. He deplanes on a remote jungle airstrip. It was reported that he was last seen wandering through the jungle singing “Hakuna Matata” with a chimp named Commie.

10. Oscar Meyer announces the introduction of a new cholesterol and fat free pepperoni that tastes just like regular pepperoni.

11. Not to be outdone, Kraft Foods announces the introduction of several varieties of cholesterol and fat free cheeses that taste just like regular cheese.

12. A committee is not established to determine what is causing global
cooling. Billions of taxpayer dollars are saved.

13. Dead people are no longer allowed to vote in Chicago, a huge blow for the Democrat Party in the State of Illinois.

And this my friends constitutes THE PERFECT DAY!

Truth is it never was.

 

What are the differences between gas and charcoal? If I’m cooking with propane, how can I tell if my tank is full or empty? And if I’m using charcoal, how do I know which type of charcoal to buy?

In this series of videos, we do our best to provide clear and well-informed answers to the most common questions about cooking on outdoor grills of all types. Our experts offer advice on choosing a type of grill, picking the right kind of fuel, buying the best accessories, and cooking your meat to the perfect level of doneness.

These tips and tricks come to us courtesy of our friends at Reviewed.com. The team also produced some shopping aids: buying guides for gas grills and for charcoal grills, and another buying guide just for portable grills. You can see even more at Reviewed.com’s 2016 Guide to Grilling.

http://www.wired.com/2016/05/gas-or-charcoal/

Too much info for posting in the issue so go peruse what catches your eye. It’s ok I’ll just get a coffee refill and wait right here.

Along with the rain we’ve been getting a lot of wind this week which made me remember this old chestnut.

The Association Windy

 

Molly bought the Ninja Kitty Clan a new water dish. The aerating one with 64 oz. back up tank was about five or six years old and showing its age. Our water is hard here and it tends to etch and cloud plastic as well as leave lime scale deposits which are basically impossible to remove without the use of chemicals, Chemicals which I have no clue as to their possibly being harmful to cats.

Since Molly was unable to locate the same one we currently had [there was a plastic ‘T’ with a hose attached to an aquarium pump which caused the dish to bubble softly and keep the water fresh for them which they quite liked after a day or two of getting used to it) she was forced to purchase another style. This one is based on a fluid pump and sends the water up the inside of a small mushroom in a slight fountain effect.

Unfortunately, unlike the bubbles which were static in one location and worked around, the fountain effect is entirely random and unpredictable in terms of height or where the fall of the water column is at any given time. This leads to the entirely intolerable condition of wet whiskers. SC resolved this issue by simply placing a paw over the fountain source and spattering water all over the place while drinking. Chai on the other hand solved her wet whisker issue by simply refusing to drink from the demon bowl at all. Instead she fills the bowl with whatever she can find  located on the floor, in bathroom waste baskets or out right steal off higher surfaces. Pens, hair ties, a hair brush, several unopened fast food straws, a set of chopsticks and a $5 bill so far have all be retrieved from the new water dish. OF course a cat refusing to drink or not getting enough to drink is an extremely serious potentially health threatening issue for them so for the time being we’ve had to capitulate and place a soup bowl on the floor wither water in it which is basically 2 giant steps backward.

Sigh!

Speaking of cats of the Ninja clan, I am reliably informed that Brutus the Brutal , our Complaint Department Head no has staff, our as her prefers to refer to them ‘crew’. Here he is with his new hires, Buster and Reaper.

Honestly though, his hanging with Impish all the time has turned him into suck a little diva. See here:

Where the rest of the clan is happy with an occasional wee saucer of 1/2 and 1/2 mid afternoon, certain furballs are demanding an iced latte! Personally I think Impish put him up to this so he has an excuse for an afternoon donut run. Unfortunately Impish forgot that to Brutus his not being around to make said donut and latte run is not an acceptable reason to Brutus for him to forgo his latte. For a wee little furballls his caterwauling until he gets what he wants is both impressive and downright annoying.

Well I’d like to hang around but the maid service is here and I have to oogle  supervise that is.