Well I could sit here and talk about how our weather while unseasonably warm has gotten better wing to the influx of cooler dryer air bought on by northerly breezes or how a week from tomorrow they’re promising us Texas’ version of fall temps…mid 70’s during the day and high 50s to low 60s at night.

In fact there are a bunch of things I could talk about but we both know what you really want to know is more about what’s happening post Impish’s down the mine hole dive and reunion with his family so we’ll get right to that for a bit.

We left our heroes on the escape shuttle heading towards the underground high security entrance to DL/LL headquarters   When the shuttle glides to a halt, Impish who simply can contain his curiosity no longer and begins, “Okay, now Lethal…”

The Leprechaun holds up his hand sharply, scowling at Impish puts his one finger to his lips to indicate silence then smiles as he turn to the women and says, “Here we are ladies, are we ready for our little tour?” Without waiting for an answer, he ushers Impish, Mrs. Dragon, and the dragonette, all having transformed into their human forms for the sake of ease, through the double door airlock.  The Ninja kitties are still keeping close guard, with the exception of Sinatra ,who is still purring contentedly in the arms of Mrs. Dragon while making eyes at her. The majority CyberLethals stay outside the door forming double rank in front of it having produce what appear to be riot shields. Two however continue on with you

They enter a foyer where one of the security members, a Gargoyle sits behind a stone desk that, in-turn, sits behind a wall of crystal clear, despite its thickness, glass.  Izzy, the dragonette in human form, but still dressed in her black ninja costume, having transformed it with her when she turned human, pipes up with, “Dad, is that bulletproof glass Gary is sitting behind?”

Before Impish can answer, Lethal says, “Oh, tis more than that, my dear lass.  It’s a very special compound made down in our tech department…”

“Oh, down where Mr. Ken works?”

“Mr. Ken?  Oh, Kennerick Kobold.  How do you know all …. never mind.  Yes, tis made down in the labs.  It is much more than just bulletproof.  Let’s just say that anyone attempting to breach that little box, and thereby gain entrance into our headquarters is going to have to bring something a bit more powerful than say an AGM-65 guided missile.  Of course the ensuing blast such a device would generate will of course render their successfully breach a moot point as they will not survive it to exploit the breach. Now, if you will be so good as to all follow me.”

Lethal looks into what appears to be  the eye piece of a set of binoculars while both his hands are on glowing glass plates then blows into a tube and recites what might have been a nursery rhyme in Gaelic.  The security man waits a moment then gives a nod and a huge blast door, over three-foot thick begins to open much faster than a door that size would seem to be able to move.  It is also completely silent, giving an idea of the perfect balance involved in it’s creation.  As they enter the area beyond, the door behind them closes and a similar one in front begins to open.  This little process happens another two times for four blast doors total.

Finally they reach a bank of elevators with more security personnel in attendance.  Realizing how far underground they already are, it is a complete surprise to Izzy and Mrs. Dragon when they descend rather than rise.  After traveling downward for what seems a long time, they finally exit the rear of the elevator using a key Lethal supplies into an office reception area.

Umm…sorry to interrupt but saying this weeks issue is jamb packed is like saying Trump is a conceited money making real estate genius. We really need to press on before the server file explodes and we lose the issue. We’ll get back to this at the end…as long as nothing goes (digitally) boom.

Mean time…

‘Tis true. My attitude tends towards- ‘I’m up, dressed and attending to your silly assed problem which could have easily been avoided if you listened to me the first hundred times I warned you about this sort of thing so don’t press your luck with that Shine and Smile shit.’ In fact, on the weekends we used to actually have what was known as the 9 AM Rule.

The 9 AM Rule states that if you’re calling me or my house before 9AM on Saturday or Sunday someone/something better be in mortal danger, have died or be about to die, our car or apartment better be on fire or being broken into. You’d better be calling to give me a butt load of money/valuable free stuff or to inform me of anything else of like grave/monumental importance. You or any other female we know being pregnant does not apply as that technically won’t reach this level until she’s headed to the hospital to give birth.

If you’re in jail, have your lawyer call me after 9 AM or hold your one phone call until after 9 AM. Even better yet don’t call me at all- you got your silly ass into the jamb, don’t involve me in getting you out.

Now I actually have the 9 AM rule available as a function on my Galaxy 6 phone. It blocks everyone not in my favorites list from phoning me by sending them right to voice mail and not disturbing me with a notification sound if they text me from 9 PM at night until 9 AM, or until I cancel it which ever comes first.

A very select few know how to make their way around this in case of family emergencies on either side of the family.

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, “I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week and when I return I expect to see it completed.”

Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions.

Furious, he called the artist in. “What the hell is this?” screamed the billionaire. “Why that’s exactly what you asked for” said the artist smugly. “No, I didn’t ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer’s last thoughts” “And there you have it” said the artist. “I call it, ‘Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians’

Hot Mom Caught Dancing In The Kitchen

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar and grab a booth.

Donald leans over, and with a smile on his face, says:

The media is really tearing you apart for that scandal.

Hillary: You mean the Mexican gun running?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean SEAL Team 6?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean the State Dept.  lying about Benghazi?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean voter fraud?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean the military not getting their votes counted?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean the drones in our own country without the benefit of the law?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million and right after it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: You mean Obama arming the Muslim Brotherhood?”

Trump: No the other one.

Hillary: The IRS targeting conservatives?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: The DOJ spying on the press?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Sebelius shaking down health insurance executives?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Giving SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: The NSA monitoring citizens’ phone calls, emails and everything else?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Obama’s ordering the release of nearly 10,000 illegal immigrants from jails and prisons, and falsely blaming the sequester?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Obama’s threat to impose gun control by Executive Order in order to bypass Congress?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Obama’s repeated violation of the law requiring me to submit a budget no later than the first Monday in February?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary:  The 2012 vote where 115% of all registered voters in some counties voted 100% for Obama?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Obama’s unconstitutional recess appointments in an attempt to circumvent the Senate’s advise-and-consent role?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: The State Department interfering with an Inspector General investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: Me, The IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?

Trump: No, the other one.

Hillary: I give up!   Oh wait, I think I got it!  You mean that 65 million low-information voters who don’t pay taxes and get free stuff from taxpayers and stuck citizens again with the most pandering, corrupt administration in American history?

Trump: THAT’S THE ONE!

And we’ll still have people vote for her after knowing all this !  That is why Democrat and Dumb ass are synonymous.

Share with anyone that wants to hear the hilarious truth

A redneck went to the hospital, as his wife was having a baby.

Upon arriving, he sat down as the nurse came in and said to him,

“Congratulations, your wife has had quintuplets, five big baby boys.”

The redneck said, “I’m not surprised. I have a penis the size of a chimney.”

The nurse replied, “You might want to consider getting it cleaned. They’re all black

SO- I wasn’t planning on having any recipes this week as the issue is running very long and likely to get longer still before I’m done. Yeah. Then I got stupid and texted a friend who reads the blog a picture of Molly’s latest baking endeavor. Big mistake he alternated between begging for the recipe and toweling off his phone do to excessive drooling. That boy can drool almost as much and fast as Impish! I had to include it out of a sense o sheer self preservation! I was afraid his drool would start leaking though to my new phone!

For those of you who might not know or remember while I am the Chef in the house Molly is the Baker. Her specialty is Banana Bread. She’s been tweaking and perfecting her recipe since the age of like 12. It’s as close to heaven in a slice of baked goods as you can come, fresh but 100 times better when toasted the following morning and spread with a little butter for breakfast. It is manna in a loaf pan.

Or at least I thought it was until she decided she didn’t have enough bananas to make the usual two loaves let alone the three she needed to and decided to try combining her banana bread and pumpkin bread recipes into one bread.

if you’ll excuse me I just heard the toaster oven ding I have to go butter me a hot toasted slice of Banana Pumpkin & two Nuts Bread

Banana Pumpkin Bread

Prep: 20 m

Cook: 45 m

Ready; In 1 h 5 m

“This is a moist, tasty breakfast bread perfect with jam, margarine, or even cream cheese. Best of all, it’s low in fat!”

Ingredients

• 2 ripe bananas, mashed
• 2 eggs
• 1/3 cup vegetable oil
• 1 1/3 cups canned pumpkin puree
• 1/2 cup honey
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 3/4 cup raisins (optional)
• 1/2 cup walnut pieces (optional)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease an 9×5 inch loaf pan.
2. In a large bowl, stir together the mashed banana, eggs, oil, pumpkin, honey and sugar. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, pie spice and cinnamon, stir into the banana mixture until just combined. Fold in the raisins and walnuts if desired. Pour batter into the prepared pan.
3. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the loaf comes out clean. Cool loaf in the pan for 10 minutes before moving to a wire rack to cool completely.

She doesn’t like the raisins in the Pumpkin bread (they are not part of the Banana Bread recipe) and I prefer she use Crasians (dried cranberries). We also didn’t have the 1/2 cup of walnuts only about 1/3 of a cup so we went with a 1/4 cup each of walnuts and pecans instead.

Police in Irving, Texas arrested and later released high school student Ahmed Mohamed
for bringing what they believed to be a hoax bomb to school that was actually a homemade clock. [Click here for background] If only these police officers had some kind of handy guide to show them how to spot a terrorist plot…

The Top 5 Signs a School Science Project is Secretly a Terrorist Plot

5. Step five of a demonstration on the cycle of rain is NOT waterboarding spies.

4. It has a bar graph showing the number of post-death virgins vs. manner of death.

3. “How to make shoes out of C-4” seems a little suspicious even if they can reduce curvature of the spine from excessive walking.

2. It involves using generally-accepted scientific methods, instead of faith-based experimentation (for Texas only).

And the Number One Sign a School Science Project is Secretly a Terrorist Plot…

1. The trained hamsters are named Fat Man and Little Boy.

This one falls someplace between a PSA and a Cyber Security Alert actually.

Don’t just throw away your boarding pass. Shred it

What could possibly be dangerous about an airline boarding pass? It just has your name and destination on it, right? Unfortunately not, according to cybersecurity researcher Brian Krebs.

Krebs writes on his blog, KrebsOnSecurity, that one of his longtime readers saw a friend post a photo of one of his boarding passes on Facebook, including the barcode on it. The reader took a screenshot of the barcode on his friend’s website and uploaded it to the ClearImage Barcode Reader site. What he discovered shocked both him and Krebs.

Just by decoding the barcode, which anyone can do online, the reader discovered his friend’s personal information along with his frequent flyer number for Star Alliance, an organization comprised of 27 airlines. The barcode also revealed his friend’s “record key” for the Lufthansa flight, and that coupled with the frequent flyer number allowed him to view his friend’s future flights, change seats for anyone affiliated with the frequent flyer number and even cancel flights booked on the account.

Krebs points out the precautions some airlines take with frequent flyer numbers – for example, United Airlines uses asterisks for all but the last three numbers on any correspondence and on boarding passes, but the barcode reveals the number when decoded. This is obviously information you don’t want to share with the whole world, so next time you fly, be sure to destroy your boarding pass afterward.

Reporter gets angry and tells us the REAL news

Man and a woman had been dating for about a year and their relationship was taking a turn towards getting serious.

Man proposed and she accepted, however she told him that she wanted him to know that her chest was just like a baby’s.

He said that he loved her and that her measurements didn’t matter to him. He also told her that his penis was also like a baby.

She said that she loved him and size didn’t matter. Come the day of the wedding and all went well. That night the happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at the resort hotel.

The blushing bride was in the bathroom putting on a sexy nightie. Her husband was in the bed waiting. As she entered the bedroom, she reminded him of her confession about her chest being like a baby. “Don’t worry honey” he said.

She took her night gown off and her breasts were the smallest he had ever seen.

He said that he was going to get undressed and reminded her of his confession about his penis being like a baby. As he took his pants off the new bride said, “Good God All Mighty. I thought you said your penis was like a baby” “It is,” he said, “9 pounds and 19 inches long!”

Tim Hawkins- Old Rock Star Songs

A businessman in the first class cabin decided to talk to the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant ​with a trophy rack​.

“Businessman: What is your name?”

Flight Attendant:   “Angela Benz, sir.”

Businessman:   “Lovely name … any relation to Mercedes Benz?”

Flight Attendant:   “Yes sir, very close.”

Businessman:   “How close?”

Flight Attendant:   “Same price”

And here is a perfect reason why you shouldn’t

Texas girl, 10, bags 13-foot gator with crossbow

VICTORIA, Texas – A 10-year-old Texas girl now has some major bragging rights.  The hunter bagged an 800-pound alligator near Victoria, Texas.  And her weapon?  A crossbow!

Ella Hawk says she wasn’t even nervous because she has been hunting for several years.

The Victoria Advocate stated the 13-foot gator is ranked number one in the Trophy Game Records of the World database.

10 years old. With a crossbow. A weapon better than half as long as she is tall. Single head shot to it’s brain. She hit a target roughly the size of 3 olives, or put another way, a squirrel’s brain weighs in at roughly 7.6 oz. The alligators at 8.4, but the gators skull is at least 5 times the size of the squirrel’s entire body!

Gee Impish, isn’t the crossbow one of the weapons Izzy is getting tried with in her Ninja Assassin classes. As you mentioned last week, snakes are a distant cousin of Dragons. Aren’t gators an even closer cousin? I’m just sayin….

And in particular…

‘Cause they mess back…with silent & deadly weapons…and they can hit something the size of your ‘other’ head. Get my drift?

Albert Einstein was born March 14, 1879. He would be 136 if he were alive today.(2015) Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Löwenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919 At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was so well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA Connection.

This came to be known as Einstein’s Theory of “Relative Titty”

Oh, quit groaning! I don’t write this shit, I receive it from my warped friends and then post it here for you. After all, it beats the political crap I usually send to you!

There were four churches and a synagogue in a small Ohio town: a
Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic
church and a Jewish synagogue.  Each church and the synagogue had a
problem with squirrels.

The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about
their squirrels.  After much prayer and consideration they determined
the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t
interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the
baptistery.  The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the
baptistery and let the squirrels slide in and drown themselves.  The
squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how
to swim.  Twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm
any of God’s creatures.  So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and
set them free near the Baptist Church.  Two weeks later the squirrels
were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy.  They
baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the
church.  Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, but it’s rumored that
they took one squirrel and circumcised him.  They haven’t seen a
squirrel on their property since.

Lethal enters St Patrick’s Church confessional booth in Galveston, TX.

He tells the priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

Last night, after a few pints at Murphy’s Pub I beat the bloody shite out of a flag burner and an Obama supporter.”

The priest says, “My son, ‘tis here I am to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.”

I have seen this before I’m sure you have too but it needs to keep circulating until everyone gets a chance to read it and react accordingly
~

Read S..L..O..W..L..Y IT REFLECTS THE FEELINGS OF A LOT OF PEOPLE.

The folks who are getting the free stuff don’t like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff. Therefore the folks who are paying for the free stuff want the free stuff to stop, but the folks who are getting the free stuff want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!

Now… The people who are forcing the people to pay for the free stuff have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff that the people who are PAYING for the free stuff are being mean, prejudiced, and racist. So… the people who are GETTING the free stuff have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff and giving them the free stuff in the first place. We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the free stuff.

Now understand this:

All great democracies have committed financial suicide somewhere between 200 and 250 years after being founded.

The reason? The voters figured out they could vote themselves money from the treasury by electing people who promised to give them money from the treasury in exchange for electing them. The United States officially became a Republic in 1776, 238 years ago. The number of people now getting free stuff outnumbers the people paying for the free stuff. Failure to change that spells the end of the United States As we know it.

ELECTION 2016 IS COMING!

A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves

I all for PASSING THIS ON !!! For all our sake PLEASE Take a Stand!!!

Obama: Gone!
Borders: Closed!
Language: English only!
Culture: God, Constitution, and the Bill of Rights!
Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare!
NO  freebies to: Non-Citizens!

Many won’t send it along.. What will you do?

They are greeted by the sight of the Weekday sisters, all dressed much more for a confrontation than for being the public face of a vast digital media corporation. They are approached by something that looks like a cross between Swamp Thing and a Shambling Compost Mound smelling faintly of brimstone. Brutus meows loudly and launches himself off Impish at the figure rapidly climbing it to peer in what now can be discerned as a shrouded hood and ask “Merrow?”

An impossibly deep and gravel chuckle can be heard as a huge red hand pulls the hood back to reveal a large head with slightly demonic features, sporting a a goatee, severely trimmed down horns and an unlit cigar.  Though all of this is hard to discern with the enthusiastic Brutus doing his best to rub himself all over the face, all at the same time. Despite this, the figure manages to get in a nod to Lethal and the terse report, “We’re good Mean & Green, everything went just like you said it would on their part, so our part went off without a hitch. The Pixie carrier rounds worked perfect and I got a pair over each target and each hit their target twice with those moon dust bombs. Targets never noticed or felt the moon dust hit them. The shifting tunnel sections have been activated and now the only place you can get from there is back out to the campground- eventually. Now if you’ll excuse me I’d like to give the Green Man back his clothes and I’m told by my friend here, that he and I have some pressing culinary business”

Ninja cat ears all perk up at the sound of this last part, even Sinatra stops trying his best moves on Mrs. Dragon to peer at the figure. “Hey you guys are on the clock! Get your head back in the game. You know I’d never do that to you. Yours will be waiting when you get off duty, but if something happens to those girls I’ve left instructions to feed your share to the snapping turtles in the moat!” Reassured all whiskers and ears go back into radar mode and Sinatra resumes his wriggling and purring in Mrs. Dragon’s arms.

As this has been going on, the Weekday sisters have been surreptitiously guiding the party off to one side of the reception areas where they quickly move to a small conference room and sit around a table. The ninja kitties take up strategic posts around the table while Lethal seats himself at the head, with Friday to his right. The rest of the sisters busy themselves seeing to coffee and pastries for everyone before taking up guard positions about the room.  In front of Lethal, a panel slides open in the table, a computer rising up in front of him.  After tapping on the key board for a few seconds he turns to the rest in the room and says, “Right, this room is now as secure as we can make it.  It’s obvious that we’ve been penetrated by A.S.S.H.A.T. so we must assume that it may not be completely secure.  But, I’ve done all I can to make it so. Even the N.S.A. satellites can’t scan this deep. The room is a giant Faraday Cage now which means no cell signal. The computer has has its camera and mic removed by me personally and it’s not connected to the Network or Internet.”

Lethal pushes a button in the table and a large monitor appears on the far wall. He types briefly on the keyboard in front of him and  a bunch of text appears on the screen. Impish quickly realizes it’s the same text that was on the tablet that Litigious Leprechaun showed him while pretending to hide behind it.

        It was a setup. All of it.

        Found a broom only semi burnt in mine with A.S.S.H.A.T. Logo burned in handle.

        Nose count on dwarves is off by one but we aren’t missing any.

        Fire was set.

        Suspect assassination attempt to be made on us any second.

        Flame angrily, grab me and dive into mine or we might both be dead.

DO IT NOW!  Leprechauns are not big on risking their necks for others, these are going to get jumpy and start disappearing at the first whiff of trouble and there are innocents on the field.

“That was just to get the Ladies, who knew nothing about what was going to happen this morning, up to speed with you and I, Impish. Now you may fire when ready Gridley with your questions.” Lethal punctuates this statement with a health slurp from his Notre Dame mug and a raised eyebrow.

“Well, my first question is …”  

“wait … where’s Izzy?” Mrs. Dragon suddenly asks.  No one else in the room looks around except Mrs. Dragon who is getting more and more upset.

Aww…and I see were all out of time! Guess the rest of this will have to wait for Impish to recount for you on Saturday! Gee, I sure hope Izzy didn’t fall in a well or nothing, Lassie doesn’t have security clearance for this level nor does she get along with the Ninja Kitties! Lots of really big really bad things lurking down this low in the mountain for a (mostly) innocent sweet young thing to run afoul of!