So all of us here on the Houston Area are sitting here with one eye on our Screens and the other eye alternating between the sky and our weather apps. Were due some serious rain between now and the weekend, possibly as much as 4 to 8 inches in some locations. Some of that rain might come in the from of especially strong T-storms with severe lighting high winds and possibly hail. As of noon time yesterday (Tuesday) an inch of rain had already fallen on Galveston Island.

The one thing that makes the start of fall weather in Texas more than anything else as far as I’m concerned is a week of violent weather as Mother Nature struggles with the whole ‘out with the hot & muggy, in with the cool(er) & drier’. While undoubtedly we can use the rain, I’m hoping this time around we avoid all the flooding like we had for Memorial Day.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have an super yacht to pack for when that wish doesn’t get granted.

What? Oh! The Story! Ok here’s part one of my chapter. Then we really need to get to the issue:

[When we last left off Impish Mrs. Dragon and Lethal were being briefed by NO-Name the Head of Security for DL/LL Enterprises. Lethal was just recapping what they knew about Hillary and her probable intentions]

As the recap finishes, the talking points cease appearing on the screen and are replaced by an  example of one of Impish & Lethal’s best selling jibes at Hillary which is inpart responsible for her wishing them severe ill .

Lethal picks up where the talking points left off, verbalizing his internal thought process for the benefit of the others present …

“In support of their desire to see us removed as a preverbal thorn in their side, they have obviously managed to insert at a minimum 2 of their agents into DL/LL DME UnLtd.

One being the phantom solitary 7th dwarf that was in the mines when the ruckus and fire started. The other, frankly, I’m not sure of. Obviously they have a decent placement with which to gather their Intel from fairly high level sources. It can’t be anyone in the public areas and the place has been swept top to bottom, bottom to top, left to right, right to left, clockwise and widdershins. No audio or video monitoring devices were found. No external taps on our internal security monitoring were found either by electronic or visual inspection. Even though it was a highly unlikely possibility I’ve had Harry Dresden the wizard here scrying with his amulet checking for any and all manner of magical or mythical possibilities. The NK Clan has been checked over by our resident vet as well as Wizard Dresden. No devices, cybernetics or magical tampering has been found.  We’ve recently hired No-Body who is No-Name’s brother to do back ground checks on prospective employees that would be in such a position[s]. Additionally the  rechecking of backgrounds, financials excreta for any and all personnel came back with nothing.”

Frowning and clearly lost in thought while mulling the knotty problem over looking for a loose end to pull, Lethal slurps his now cold coffee and grimaces before absent mindedly continuing his stream of consciousness thinking aloud “In fact the only people that are not regularly investigated are Impish’s Dragon’s Darlings of Delectable Dalliance because of the high rate of turn over once they surrender their virginity. However they are supposed to be limited to their harem, Impish’s playroom and the public areas only”

The sound of a high pitched keening and the sight of Mrs. Dragon turning scarlet while at the same time beginning to turn incorporeal has Lethal grabbing for the Industrial Nose Canceling Headphones he laid aside earlier while hollering to Impish, “Dude my total bad! I forgot for a moment she was here.” Lethal motions to everyone since he’s now unable to communicate verbally with them to clear the room while Impish deals with his wife. The last image he sees is of a shocked Impish mouth agape and fingers in his ears as the form of a banshee swoops and swirls about him screaming in rage.

Tim Hawkins Plays His Version of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird”

An intoxicated student from the University of Connecticut landed in jail after an
argument with a food court manager over jalapeno bacon mac and cheese turned ugly.

The Top 5 Excuses from the UConn Mac ‘n Cheese Kid

5.) He thought a viral video was a good path to becoming the next Speaker of the House.

4.) Working on Guinness record for times tackled by a fry cook.

3.) Argued that the state’s “Open Carry” law includes beer and wine bottles.

2.) Was pretty sure “Mac ‘n Cheese” is the street code name for Ecstasy.

And the Number One Excuse from the UConn Mac ‘n Cheese Kid…

1. It was part his abnormal psych final exam.

Beware the Butterfly Effect…

“In Chaos Theory, the Butterfly Effect is the sensitive dependence on
initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic,
nonlinear system can result in large differences in a larger state.”

In other words, and in theory, a butterfly flapping its wings in Texas can
later cause a typhoon in the Sea of Japan.

Think about it, in mid-20th Century America, an 18 year old hippie, freshman
slut in a Honolulu college had sex with an older, alcoholic Kenyan
politician on a student visa, who had a wife and child back in Africa.  

And from this “roll in the hay” comes the collapse and dissolution of the
United States of America in the 21st Century.

Interesting isn’t it.

It makes one consider absolute validity of the “Butterfly Effect.”

Someone restrain Ginny in her chair please. Don’t worry, Impish tells me she likes it. Here we go again folks!

Pumpkin Spice No-Bake Cheesecake

An EASY Fall dessert, this no-bake cheesecake is light and fluffy, made with pumpkin and spices. Quick and simple to make in under 10 minutes, if you use ready made crust.

Servings: 8 • Size: 1/8th of pie sized slice • Weight Watcher Points+: 6 pts

Calories: 222 • Fat: 13 g • Carbs: 25 g • Fiber: 1 g • Protein: 3 g • Sugar: 16 g

Sodium: 224 mg • Cholesterol: 28 g

Ingredients:

• 8 oz 1/3 less fat Philadelphia Cream Cheese
• 1/2 cup pureed pumpkin (canned is fine)
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
• 1/4 cup brown sugar, unpacked
• 4 oz Truwhip, thawed [dietetic version of Reddiwhip]
• 9 inch reduced-fat Graham Cracker Crust

Directions:

In a large bowl whip cream cheese, pumpkin, vanilla, cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, and brown sugar for a few minutes until fluffy.  A hand mixer or spatula both work fine. Add Truwhip and whip until smooth. 

Spoon mixture into pie crust and chill for a few hours, until firm.

Apparently there’s a mushroom in Hawaii that instantly drives women crazy

John Halliday and Noah Soule have discovered a fungus that can instantly make women orgasm. Uhh, what?

Back in 2001 (Why haven’t we heard about this for 14 years?) The scientists recorded in the International Journal of Medicinal Mushrooms that they had found an orange mushroom in Hawaii that makes women climax for no reason.

Over half of the volunteers in the study experienced spontaneous orgasms, and the scientists have concluded that the “results suggest that the hormone-like compounds present in the volatile portion of the spore mass may have some similarity to human neurotransmitters released during sexual encounters.”

It only grows on lava flows on the island, so they can be hard to locate. The still unnamed Dictyophora species was an intense aphrodisiac when women smelled it, but oddly enough, men found it to be absolutely disgusting.

Friday! Have Shamrock One readied immediately! I feel the sudden urge to study botany on the volcanoes of Hawaii. Women will pay anything to have what she’s having without the entanglement of a guy!

Water bubble floating in space

Kids Need to Be Taught Reality

by: the Common Constitutionalist

We teach children that it is not only okay to be wacky and different, but it is to be celebrated. Don’t try to conform, fit in or assimilate. If it makes you “feel” better to get a neck tattoo at the age of 8, you should do that – or a nose ring – or dress up like a little girl. If it improves your self-esteem or your perceived self worth, then we should be all for it.

For decades now, we’ve packed up our children and sent them off to liberal indoctrination camps posing as public schools.

When someone dares to promote something as sensible as school uniforms, they are practically run out of town on a rail. We can’t have uniforms, it is said. That will stifle the children’s creativity and not allow them to express their individualism.

We allow them to learn that 2 + 2 can equal five, so that we don’t damage children’s fragile psyche. Heather having two daddies is the same as a mommy and daddy, and should never be thought of as different or out of the main stream. Teachers no longer use red ink to correct assignments, assuming there are any assignments, because that’s far too aggressive and may be yet another damaging blow to the child’s self-esteem. We wouldn’t want them to feel bad or inferior to other children.

In sports, every child gets a ribbon or a trophy just for showing up, and we’ve decided to eliminate the practice of honoring top-achieving students as “valedictorian” or “salutatorian,” because it promotes unhealthy competition.

So kids have spent there whole lives in this insane, out of touch with reality environment.

Then it’s off to University, where, we’ll call her Janey, is taught in her radical feminist class that all men are predators and you’ll never break through the glass ceiling.

Little, we’ll call him Vester, learns in his African studies course that the sole purpose of all white men is to keep the brother down. To them being black is a license to be offended by everything.

Then little Vester or Janey leave the safe harbor of academia or their parents home and strike out into the real world, where no one gives a rat’s behind about their individual expression, propping up their self-esteem or their desire to make a statement celebrating their uniqueness. Employers don’t care if you’re black, white or green. They don’t care if you’re male or female, hetero or homosexual. They have but one concern. Can you do the job you are asked to do? If you can – great. If you can’t – sucks to be you, and there’s the door.

Those in the real world have not the time, the patience, nor the desire to coddle you or care about propping up your sagging self-esteem.

Unfortunately now that they’re adults, they, who have experienced nothing but false adulation from parents, teachers, coaches and councilors, have zero capacity to handle rejection or disappointment.

Children who have grown up in a self-esteem-is-everything environment, have no capacity to handle real adversity. And so we should not be surprised when someone from that environment lashes out and does something horrific to others or to themselves.

Anything that has gone wrong in his or her lives is the fault of someone else. They have no capacity for self-reflection, or constructive criticism.

Couple this with the fact that they live their entire lives on Facebook and Twitter, where all they see – all they witness, is one good time after another – happy smiling selfies with lots of friends packed into one picture.

They see constant Facebook updates of how much better everyone else’s life is than their own. Every day they get another alert that someone updated their Facebook status with yet another fun picture – another reminder that everyone else’s life is better than theirs.

But one would think, when you get to a certain age, it’s time to stop blaming others. But this is evidently not the case for someone like Vester Flanagan II, the Virginia shooter, who had to be hauled out of the TV station where he worked. He had evidently never grown up. Despite his age, 41, he had remained an angry, chronically offended man.

WDBJ general manager Jeffrey Marks described Flanagan as someone “difficult to work with. He was sort of looking out for people to say things he could take offense to,” Marks said in an interview that aired on the station. “After many incidents of his anger coming to the floor, we dismissed him. He did not take that well; we had to call police to escort him from the building.”

I’d like to say Vester Flanagan II is unique, but I fear he’s not. He may only be unique in his age, but honestly, liberal America has been inculcating these angry, put upon people since the sixties. And it will only get worse, the more we coddle them.

[When we last left them most of our crew was exiting stage any way they could from the  Situation Room to avoid Mrs. Dragon’s Banshee shrieking tirade due to Lethal having just inadvertently outed the subject of Impish’s private harem of virgins in front of  Mrs. Dragon.]

As soon as the door slides shut, the hermetic seal begin re-inflation and even before the Faraday Cage can be reestablished, Friday hauls off and smacks Lethal in the back of the head. “I can’t believe you just outed his Virgin habit to his wife right in front of him like that! He’s a DRAGON for Odin’s sake! OF COURSE he has a virgin addiction!”
 
“I know, I know! Its not what its seems like though. It’s not some nefarious get even for locking me in the broom closet so he could do the Anniversary announcement for Ginny & Paul K9. That’s already in position and waiting to trip on him. I was lost in thought musing about the possible source of the spy’s access, you know spit balling. I’m not used to having outsiders in the room when we deal with these things and it just came out. I really do feel bad about it.”

“YOU?! Feel bad about something that you did to Impish?!” Friday produces a weapon from her considerable cleavage. “Ok stand still right there don’t even raise an eyebrow at me. You’ve got to be one of those other leprechauns Lethal had playing his Irish version of 3 Card Monte out there. I don’t know why you just did Impish dirty but at least he can eat you if or when he gets out of that room.”

” ‘Tis me lass, and my valuable time your wasting by keeping me from rescuing me pal Impish from the wrong I’ve accidentally done him.” Lethal starts toward the panel beside the door, then freezes when he  hears a very small but sharp ‘CLICK’.

“I. Said. DO NOT. Move. And I meant it. Move again and I find out if you bleed green or rainbows. Prove to me your Lethal. Tell me something only he and I would know and I don’t mean anything about the business.” Friday’s aim while quivering with anger is spot on the leprechauns forehead between his eyes.

The leprechaun grins. “Last week, you came to me in my office with a non company tablet to show me some photos of a certain body modification you were considering to your…’lovelies’. I counseled against it saying there was a distinct possibility of them becoming less sensitive because of it. I then showed you that MORE sensitive not less was desirable. I believe house keeping is still looking for a certain brand new electrostatic dusting wand I showed you another use….”

CLICK! Friday blushing furiously eyes darting to see who might have overhead lowers the weapon and makes it disappear from whence it came. “Ok that’s enough right there! It’s you. Only you would think of mentioning that in a public area as a way of proving it was you you dirty perverted little…”

“That word you are about to utter is BOSS if you want to keep your position! Can I help it if it made a lasting impression? Better question- can I please help Impish now?”

“How are you going to do that? We can’t let her out of that room and even with the sound proofing I can hear she’s not about to wind down anytime soon.”

Lethal smiles as he turns to the panel on the wall and starts humming a energetic and upbeat tune “Simple, Friday…” he winks at her, “I ain’t afraid of no ghost.”