Dragon Laffs

Good Morning Campers,

It is Friday for me, even though you guys are reading this on Saturday and it is the end of a LONG week.  I don’t think I have ever needed a weekend more in my entire life than I do this one.  But, I can’t help but think that they aren’t really gonna leave me alone this weekend, no matter how much I try to ignore my phone or my email. 
Man, it sure is a good thing that I love my job.
At least that’s what I keep telling myself!  LOL!
But, hey!  How is everyone doing out there?
Write to me and let me know how you are getting by…let me know some of the things you are doing to pass the time…show us some pictures of what it’s like where you are.

impishdragon@gmail.com

Now, let’s start this weekend out with some laughs and then just laugh some more and maybe we’ll even tell some stories or something and throw in a few laughs.

For the second part of this quarantine, do we have to stay with the same family or can we be relocated?

Asking for a friend!

Oh man, that’s gonna leave a mark…

 

What if this quarantine is just the aliens fattening us up before the big harvest?

 

I’ve decided…today I’m going to give it my some!

I’ve got to stop quarantine drinking…I thought these were baby dinosaurs

I haven’t been drinking at all, and that’s exactly what I thought they were, too!

I just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.  I asked him what he was doing?  He said, “Working from h0me.”

The Powerball is up to an 18 pack of Charmin.

Okay, so aren’t the toilet paper jokes getting a little old?  I haven’t had any trouble finding toilet paper for several weeks now.  Anyone out there still having a shortage?  In fact, I haven’t noticed a shortage of ANYTHING on the shelves lately, except hand sanitizer.  The stores STILL haven’t gotten that back in.  The one thing that I had been having trouble finding, distilled water, is back on the shelves now and it’s not been out again.  Now mind you, the local store is still rationing water.  You are limited to 3.  That is 3 gallons or 3 cases or any combination thereof.  So, I normally get a case of drinking water and two gallons of distilled water and that lasts us.

What is it that you guys can’t find?

Oh yeah!  I couldn’t find Cream of Chicken Soup…odd as that sounds.  I’ll have to check and see if that’s back on the shelf the next time I go in.

Hormel made their first batch of SPAM in 1937.  The company has just announced that due to hoarding by consumers, they are going to make a second batch.

And just like that…
Having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, plastic sheeting, and rope in your trunk is okay.

That’s actually really cute….what the hell am I saying!!!  I really gotta get out more!

The Police want you to know that running from them is NOT social distancing.

Oh dear Lord!  Now what the hell is wrong with crows!

No hair salons, nail salons, or tanning beds…some of you guys are about to meet your girlfriends for the very first time!!!

Isn’t that sweet…did you guys hear about that?  Fat little Korean kid has had a heart attack or he had heart surgery…seems he’s fat and he smokes.  Hell, I’m fat and I smoke…mind you I smoke cigars … occasionally, he probably smokes like cheap Korean brand camels unfiltered non-stop … and I have the heart of a 19 year-old!  (It’s sitting right over there in that jar) no seriously, that’s what the doctor said.  Fat little Korean kid is 36!  It’s karma!  You can’t feed your relatives to dogs or shoot them with artillery rounds and expect God to be happy with you.  The real problem is that his sister is his second in command and she’s supposed to be worse than he is. 
You can bitch about our system all you want, but it beats the hell out of THAT!  Why the hell their own people haven’t revolted by now is beyond me.
But it is nice that he wants to donate all his pantsuits to Hillary.  They wear the same size.

Our mythological buddy Sasquatch sent this very timely essay.  It’s liable to be helpful to some of you, familiar to most of you, but worth reading for all of us…

The True Meaning of Stress

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, ‘half empty or half full?’….. she fooled them all…. “How heavy is this glass of water?”, she inquired with a smile..

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “and that’s the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.”

“As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden – holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night… pick them up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment. Relax, pick them up later after you’ve rested. Life is short. Enjoy it and the now ‘supposed’ stress that you’ve conquered!”

1 * Accept the fact that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue!

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully… It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker..

5 * If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it..

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 * Never buy a car you can’t push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 * Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live..

15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

19 * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.

20 * It was I, your friend!

*Save the earth….. It’s the only planet with chocolate!

Definitely worthy words to read. 

Speaking of toilet paper jokes and having plenty.

I found out that saying, “There, there little girl” to a pissed off grown man only makes things worse.

Finally!!!!! Someone is finally willing to willing to pay us the respect we are due!!!  Lethal Leprechaun would be so proud.  I got this email today.

Hello ,

We have gone through your country’s investment profile and history and we are interested to invest with you, we will be willing to collaborate with you and invest a substantial amount of money in your business or we can partner with you to set up a new one on shares equability.

Our group is a major player in diversified investments in the middle-east, Africa, Europe, we believe in pursuing a positive goal, in which your ideas can be enhanced potentially for our mutual benefits.

As we seek new frontier and opportunities, we look forward to work together.

Best regards,

Mr. Dennis Clark

Finally, our mythical land has been recognized as its own country by somebody!!!!!  What a proud day!  I can’t wait to get a hold of Mr. Dennis Clark and let him know just how interested we are in taking his money!!!  Should I be concerned that I found the email in my Junk Email folder?

Nah!!!!!

She may not realize it, but the mattress cover that she took out of that zippered bag that she’s wearing over her head was probably made in China…just sayin’.

I always wondered what happened to the Unknown Comic…and yes, that’s another one of those references that you younger folks are probably gonna have to Google to get.

I like the shrouded cart…but doesn’t that just carry everything back home with her?

This one is multipurpose…

And this one was just too damn cute not to share!  Although, I’d worry about a limited air supply…

And the

Award goes to…

They vote…they have driver’s licenses…they are out there.

And appropriate for 2020

Got a message from our mythical buddy Sasquatch…

Sasquatch

Another excellent posting. I’m not sure about Yeti, that’s a different branch of the family. Every time people hear yeti these days they think of coolers and want to put a case of beer in me. Ya know, as long as they don’t want it back I guess I don’t mind. Stay safe and keep laughing.

Yeah, okay.  I take your point.  Sasquatch it is.  Although, you can’t argue with the free suds.

Okay, it’s really simple… when you pick up a product in the store, turn it over and look at the bar code.  If the first three numbers are 690-699 it’s made in China.  Put it back down and find something else.  Literally, anything else.  They want to withhold medicine from us, they want to NOT tell us about a killer virus while they negotiate a trade deal and write a clause into the deal KNOWING the virus was coming.  Now they are telling us that they will withhold the medicine that we need because we are calling them out on it.  So FUCK them.  My family is not and will not EVER again buy ANYTHING made in China.  I don’t care what it is, we will do without. 

I know I won’t be able to do that 100% because there are some things I don’t have control over, but there are a lot of things I do have, and for those that I do…I’m going to do my damnedest to buy American…which, by the way is 000 thru 139 (basically).  Other countries are ok.  Canada falls in the same number realm as the United States and also 754 to 755.  Our buddy Peter from Deception Bay in Australia is 930-939.

But nothing that is 690-699.  NOTHING!

I wonder what he did to get in trouble?

When my son failed a math test before March 10, 2020: “Did you not study?  Are you not paying attention in class?  Do you need a tutor?”

When my son fails a math test today: “Well, buddy, we did our best.”

Animal Fun Fact: Giraffes can grow up to 14 feet.  However most just have 4.

A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree.  Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait!  I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack grinned and said, “And you will dialogue.”

I worry about how much of this teaching is going on.

I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

Two rival archeologists were excavating a lost temple of Norse Gods in Iceland.

In the middle of the dig was a golden statue of the god of Thunder with two huge rubies for eyes.

They each claimed the find as their own and this sparked a physical confrontation.  They punched and kicked each other until they both fell down exhausted. 

Their assistants just looked at each other , shrugged, and one said …

“Well that was a fight for Thor eyes.”

Hey!  You can blame all of these on Stephanie!  Not me!  Just sayin’…

What do you call birds who stick together?

Vel-crows…

And that’s it for today my fellow campers.  Thanks for joining in.  I hope to see you all here again tomorrow.  Love to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

And what a crazy morning it is!  A bunch a crazy shit going on here!  Suffice it to say, that the government squirrels are going bonkers in their bunkers and they are taking it out on this poor little dragon. 

We’re having some fun!

I’m gonna write a book…but not until all of this is over.  “How to Survive the Crazy” by Impish Dragon.  It would be a best seller.  On the New York Times Best Seller List for an amazing 100 weeks in a row.

Chapter One: Settle the Fuck Down, People

I was born a poor blue child….

Anyway, it’s time…time to laugh and sing the song of my people.  The song of deep belly laughs and little stomach chuckles.

Me posting nonsense will continue during the lockdown because it is classified as an Essential Service

Corona free man seeks corona free lady with toilet paper.  Send pictures of toilet paper!

Wanna find out who your real friends are?

Ask them to borrow a roll of toilet paper.

DO NOT call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood!

Those are just your neighbors without make-up and hair extensions!

Smoking pot and skipping school had me in trouble constantly.
Now weeds legal and schools closed … damn kids are livin’ the dream!

On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week.

Runs until Friday.

A man with unwanted house guests hired a Polka Band to annoy them until they left.

It’s all going accordion to plan.

Here is a really cool list of things sent by our good buddy Sasquatch!  And it’s called:

The Scale of Things

1.  This is a giant leather back sea turtle.  They grow up to 7 feet long and weigh up to 2,000 pounds

2.  How many earths would be able to fit inside the sun?  1.3 million Earths!

3.  Here’s an average sized giant African land snail:

4.  Eagle talons are enormous:

5.  The size of an average blue whale’s heart:

6.  The Titanic in a comparison with a modern cruise liner:

7.  Quetzalcoatlus Northropi – the largest flying animal to ever live:

(Well, technically, dragons aren’t mere animals, we are intelligent creatures, so …. hurmmph!!)

8.  A pair of fully-inflated horse lungs:

9.  This is how big a moose really is:

10.  Nice to meet you

11.  Some road signs really are that huge!

12.  Saltwater crocodiles are huge compared to fresh water crocs

13.  The view from Earth if our moon was replaced by Saturn:

14.  The terrifying size of a gorilla’s hand

15.  Standing beside a single wind turbine blade

16.  Comparing a comet to the city of Los Angeles

17.  Here’s a giant oceanic manta ray.

18.  Here’s how big the United States is in comparison with the moon.

Yeti, (can I call you Yeti) my mythological brother, thanks for sharing such cool pics with the rest of us.  Nice break from the laughter. 

Day 1 of working from home: My wife has already filed an HR complaint.

No need to worry…it’s just me and my friends…and we’re from the government…we’re here to help

And this next one is liable to replace the ultimate one…you know, this one

But this next one…..this one is almost as good…if not better

Yeah, baby!  That’s what I’m talking about!

Due to the Coronavirus, I will no longer allow hand shaking, fist bumping, or giving hugs.  You may bow to me or give me the finger.  Your choice.

I have the same problem

This last one is from brother Wheats!  He made it himself and I think it’s excellent!  Thanks brother Wheats, I hope you’re feeling better. 

And as to the rest of you, that’s it for me

Remember, you can reach me at impishdragon@gmail.com.  Please don’t forget me, the submissions have been falling off, as of late and I haven’t heard from you guys lately.

Be well, be safe, stay home.

Love you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Crappy night…grumble ….grumble

Little sleep … grumble … grumble

Need coffee … grumble … grumble

Go away … grumble … grumble … until then … grumble … grumble

Go laugh … grumble… grumble

Okay, you have … grumble … to watch this … grumble … it his hilarious … grumble … there are three … grumble … parts in all … grumble … one right after … grumble … the other.  Thanks … grumble … to Lynn for … grumble … sharing.

https://youtu.be/My5mFtF5ynE

Still not quite there yet, but getting there… grumble … thanks for bearing with me this morning.  I’m really sorry my dragon side is coming out a little bit more than normal right now.

 

We are living in a Bizarre World:

• If a dude pretends to be a woman, you are required to pretend with him.

• Somehow it’s un-American for the census to count how many Americans are in America.

• Russians influencing our elections are bad, but illegal Mexicans voting in our elections are good.

• It was cool for Joe Biden to “blackmail” the President of Ukraine, but it’s an impeachable offense if Donald Trump inquires about it.

• Twenty is too young to drink a beer, but eighteen is old enough to vote.  (And Carry a gun for our country)

• Sexualizing children is bad, but 11-year-old drag queens are good.

• Illegals aren’t required to show ID, but citizens can’t buy cough medicine without it.

• Citizens are fined if they don’t buy their own health insurance, and then they are forced to buy it for illegals.

• People who have never owned slaves should pay slavery reparations to people who have never been slaves.

• Inflammatory rhetoric is outrageous, but harassing people in restaurants is virtuous.

• People who have never been to college should pay the debts of college students who took out huge loans for useless degrees.

• Immigrants with tuberculosis and polio are welcome, but you’d better be able to prove your dog is vaccinated.

• Irish doctors and German engineers who want to immigrate must go through a rigorous vetting process, but any illiterate Central-American gang-banger who jumps the southern fence is welcome.

• $5 billion for border security is too expensive, but $1.5 trillion for “free” health care for illegals is not.

• If you cheat to get into college you go to prison, but if you cheat to get into the country you go to college for free.

• Politicians who say that the President is not above the law put illegal immigrants and themselves above the law.

• People who say there is no such thing as gender are demanding a female President.

• Illegals don’t pay taxes, but they get tax refunds.

• We see other countries going Socialist and collapsing, and it seems like a great plan to us.

• Voter suppression is bad, but not allowing the President to be on the ballot is good.

• Fourth-of-July parades are bad, but parades of women dressed as vaginas are good.

• Some people are held responsible for things that happened before they were born, and other people are not held responsible for what they are doing right now.

• Criminals are catch-and-released to hurt more people, but stopping them is bad because it’s a violation of THEIR rights.

* And pointing out all this hypocrisy somehow makes us “racists.”

  Okay, I feel much better now.

I’ve spent two weeks hanging out with myself and I am so sorry to every person I have ever spent time with

I’m so over being part of a major

historical event right about now.

My husband and I decided we don’t want to have children.

We will be telling them tonight at dinner.

It’s like being 16 again.

Gas is cheap and I’m grounded.

Oh, the look on his face is priceless…

I’m trying to eliminate negativity from my life.  Therefore Mondays are now “Taco Tuesday Eve” until further notice.

The Bozo Criminals for this morning come from the International File. From Warsaw, Poland come three Bozos who were also good samaritans. The Bozos broke into an apartment where they found a pregnant woman ready to give birth. Wanting to to the right thing, the thieves took the woman to the hospital. That was the good samaritan part. Now the Bozo part: The thieves then returned to the woman’s apartment to complete the burglary. The woman told the hospital staff how she got to the hospital and a quick thinking nurse called the police, who went to the apartment and caught the Bozos in the act.

Good Morning Campers,

Well, I’m off to see the … not the wizard, but the base.  I’ve got a meeting first thing this morning, should be an interesting trip.  First in-person meeting I’ve actually had since this whole thing has started.  I’m actually a bit excited about the whole thing.  I’ve got my best T-shirt and jeans on.  Yes, that is my normal work clothes.  Don’t hate.  LOL!

Let’s do some laughter now and we’ll do some more talking later.

“Sometimes, when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed.  Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I did not drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, it is better to drink this beer & let dreams come true, than be selfish & worry about my liver.”
Babe Ruth  

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”  
Paul Horning  

“24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case.     
Coincidence?  I think not!”  
H. L. Mencken  

“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.      
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. 
So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven.”  
George Bernard Shaw  

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”  
Benjamin Franklin   I detect a theme running through all these comments, don’t you?

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. 
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, 
But the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”  
Dave Barry  
But then Pizza IS a wheel…And the really funny thing is, about all these comments….

“Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.”  
W. C. Fields   They were all sent to me by the same, dear person …

“Remember ‘I’ before ‘E,’ except in Budweiser.” 
Professor Irwin Corey   My other Mom, Diaman!

“To some it is a six-pack. To me, it is a Support Group.  Salvation in a can.”  
Leo Durocher   Thanks, Mom!  Love ya!

 

One night at  Cheers,  a TV Sitcom, Cliff Clavin  said to his buddy, Norm Peterson: “Well, ya see, Normy, it’s like this . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.  And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.  This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.  But, naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.  In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers!”

That’s an excellent explanation to me!  Hey…I wonder if mom was trying to tell me something…

Act one: A fly in the crime scene.

Act two: Another fly collects DNA evidence.

Act three: The medical examiner fly performs an autopsy.

What’s the play called?

Forensic Flies.

Daughter got an “o” and an “e” mixed up

Now that stupid song is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

Okay, let’s look at the mail:

Hey! We got a letter from Dave at Accidental Fire!

Dave @ Accidental FIRE
accidentalfire.comx

Thanks for the highlight and no I’m not the suing type… I appreciate you using and citing my chart which did indeed go crazy-viral. I didn’t intend to create a popular meme, but turns out I did.

You have a funny site and humor is really important in life, especially now. Keep people laughing, it’s medicine!

Yes indeed it is Dave.  Thanks for the kind words and you have a great site yourself.  And for those of you who didn’t get a chance to go see it, go to https://accidentalfire.com/ and check it out!  It’s well worth the trip!

Larry S.

Keep the issues coming!. Went out to the base yesterday to get a wife a new ID card as hers expired.\. Couldn’t get it done as they have closed down. BUT, gate guard told us we can still use it for the Commissary, BX etc. and most importantly for us.. pick up all our meds. Wanted to let you know in case other military types on here can aware of this.

Hey Larry, thanks for the info.  Yup, I was aware of this, but it is worth mentioning to all the other vets out there.  Most of your FSS’s or CBPOs or whatever they are calling themselves these days are closed for redoing expired ID cards, but the bases are accepting the expired ID cards until all of this is over with.  But, just to be sure, you might check with whatever local installation you usually work out of, shop out of and they will have the best information.

Leah D

I suffer from a split personality every time I read about the oil prices. One side of me gets terribly excited about how much I will save with low gas prices. The other side dumps to depression, realizing I won’t get an oil royalties check.

But this time, I am very upset over the low oil prices (they did actually go into negative at one point yesterday). Quite a few members of my family work in oil related companies. They have been considered ‘Necessary’. Now they are worried about their hours being cut, perhaps lay-offs.

I always say there is good in everything, but my positive side is a bit tarnished, as now I have to say, “There is bad in everything too.”

Leah, why did I not even hesitate when I read that you suffer from a split personality.  It didn’t even make me pause for a second.  hmmm… I’m really sorry about you maybe not get an oil royalties check (gosh, did I sound sincere enough when I said that) seriously girl friend, you should have told us you were a rich oil tycoon type person!

Seriously, it is tough on the regular working-joe oil person right now.  Oil prices are sinking fast and liable to get worse before they get better.  With nobody going anywhere, it’s no wonder that demand has dropped way off.

Well, good news/bad news type thing.

Thanks to all of you who’ve written … remember, comments on the blog are great, but you can also write or send cartoons or jokes or just about anything to me at impishdragon@gmail.com I love hearing from you.  Feel free to just say hi.  Tell me where you are and I’ll even add you to the map!

Grandma and Great Aunt Judy are gonna sleep well tonight…after they make a run to the convenience store for some Doritos! 

That dog’s gonna get just a little bit bigger and become an outdoor dog, and then come next fall, we’re gonna be havin’ us some steaks.

I work with a guy and asked him for three of his…just exactly for that reason.  Heck, I’ll offer them to someone else if I see them in a fender-bender in the parking lot.

Now that’s a millennial if I ever saw one.

Hurmph!

Nice!

And that will do it again for me for today.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

So, it’s Monday for me, Tuesday for you and it’s the only bit of Time Travel that I’ll ever get to engage in.  So, while you guys are reading this, I’ll actually be out on the base, engaged in a real life, face to face meeting for the first time in a month.  Precautions and masks in place we will be discussing, amongst other things I’m sure, getting things back on track…just like the President … trying to open the country back up again.

There are many of us who believe it is too soon.  That we haven’t peaked yet, but … we shall see.  I’m not overly concerned for myself, I have an office I can go to, where I can be safe and secure, not significantly different than working here, except that I won’t be able to communicate with you guys daily, like I do now.  But, maybe you guys are ready to be free … or a little freer.  Maybe you are sick and tired of listening to me every day.

Nah, I didn’t think so, either.

Anyway, before we get started, I wanted to tell you a story of a guy who “gets” it.  I got a comment on the blog…

Dave @ Accidental FIRE
accidentalfire.comx

credit for the “relative important in 2020, so far” graph is on my blog

Okay, remember this little cartoon

We posted it several issues back, I don’t remember who even forwarded it to me, but apparently it’s Dave’s work and apparently it has gone CRAZY!  Like around the world CRAZY.  You guys all know that I don’t take any credit for the stuff that I post and that I try to give credit where credit is due and that I’ve pissed off a person or three and have had to go back into past issues and pull stuff down because I thought I was helping to pass stuff along and other people didn’t like that, even though I posted the links and all kinds of stuff and (gasp! Breath Impish!) and anyway I don’t THINK I’ve pissed Dave off, he hasn’t threatened to sue me.  He has a pretty cool website called Accidental Fire (https://accidentalfire.com/) with the subtitle of Financial Independence, Early Retirement, Outdoor Adventure, and Satire.

It’s the Satire Part we’re concerned with right now. 

I connected up with an article he wrote that is right here called “It’s Okay To Laugh” (https://accidentalfire.com/2020/04/14/its-okay-to-laugh/) and I thought, here’s a brother!  At least in this area, we are thinking in the same track.

So, I’m not going to spoil it for you, but we’re not going any further until you go read it.  Go on!  I’ll wait.  I’ve got plenty of coffee. 

……….
……….
……….
……….
………

   (Okay, so you add cream to your coffee, and I’ll add what I want!)

Wasn’t that a great article!   We are really happy for your success, Dave! And to another traveler on the road to humor (satire) as a healing tool and coping mechanism, cheers!

Now, moving on to other things….

Okay, I actually missed the date on this one, but it is still really funny…

Police department reminds residents to wear pants while checking mailbox

Come on people…at least pants are required to check your mail!  We haven’t fallen that far, have we?

Another good throat spray idea.  I personally haven’t tried this one, but plan on purchasing it and trying it out.  I will let you know.

She really has to go….

I got a quick note in email from Aussie Peter….

If you think Deception Bay is a cool name,

you are going to love this   !

The next suburb just north of Deception Bay is

BURPENGARY.      [  TRUE  !!!!!  ]

I’ve included another Aussie gag for you.

Keep smiling,   Peter.

Thanks Peter…. you cracked me up!

Okay, have you guys seen this?  People are saying that 5G is causing the Coronavirus?!  Or at least exacerbating it!  Or that 5G is killing people on it’s own?!  Seriously?  Can you believe this stupid shit?

And who is propagating it more than anyone else?  The Hollywood morons!  Why do people trust actors for anything other than entertainment?  Why do we trust sports figures on anything other than how to catch or hit a ball? 

Kim Komando wrote a really good article on it here: https://www.komando.com/kims-column/5g-coronavirus-conspiracy/735434/?utm_medium=nl&utm_source=column&utm_content=2020-04-19  called : The great 5G coronavirus conspiracy.  Check it out!

Oh crap!

Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body prevents cellulite.  APPARENTLY you can’t do it in Starbucks.
And now the cops are here…

Uh oh…. apparently I’ve been called out on my greed…

charcoal1951

Cute, as usual. But, if you were all over trying to find Cream of Chicken Soup and only needed two, but you took the last three, that wasn’t very nice, was it?

Dear Charcoal, nope … it wasn’t very nice.  And I feel bad.  And now I feel worse that you’ve called me out on it.  I’m ashamed of myself.  It was greedy and wrong.  Especially since I’ve chastised so many people right here for doing the exact same thing.  All I can say is …. I’ll try to do better.

Guess I’m only … human … or um … dragon….wait!  Dragon’s are supposed to be greedy!  Nah!  It was still wrong!

I thought I’d be trendy and try one of those “alternative milks”.  I don’t know what a magnesia is, but it made my cornflakes taste horrible!

We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the …

Minneapolis?

I joined a Group with Erectile Dysfunction.

It was a flop and nobody came.

Yup, deserved that one!

How about some more letters…

Leah D.

Even Utah people who are not of the faith, have become influenced by the ‘Mormon’ admonition to have a two year’s supply of food. I believe many of that church had failed to collect that much food. So when the hype hit, and the rush began they thought, “here it is, the reason we need a two year’s supply”. They weren’t buying for the week, or even the month, they were buying for two years worth!

A lot of people have shelves loaded with cans of dehydrated foods. I’m wondering if any of them have used any of that hoard? If nothing else, this food supply shortage has made it very clear, unless you are actually starving, no one eats different than they always do.

I agree, I don’t believe anyone is actually eating anything different than they have in the past, unless they are among the poor sods who are unemployed who are eating worse than they were before because they were working a job that doesn’t allow the “luxury” of unemployment money coming in now.  They are eating different now, they are eating worse.  Beans and rice and lots of pasta.  Those are the ones I feel sorry for.

I’ve seen many friends of Mrs. Dragon on social media who have put it out there that if anyone is hungry, to let someone know.  There is always room at the table for one more.  You don’t have to say so here, call me, text me … stuff like that.  And that is a true friend.  And I have always felt that way as well and I would think that any of my friends that live close enough to me would know that they could always reach out if they needed to.  I know several of you have mentioned to me that you have made food to bring to the local Fire Department and such and I wouldn’t expected anything less from my loyal campers and sadly, I’m afraid that most of us on here aren’t the ones who are hurting…or we probably wouldn’t be on here, now would we?

My household doesn’t have a lot…but we have enough…and that, praise God…is enough.

Helen

We live in a small town, so I call it grocery hunting, since most of the shelves are bare,oohoh

Yup, I understand completely Helen.  Northern Indiana is populated with nothing but small towns.  The little town where I live has a population of only 11,000 people.  That actually surprised me when I looked it up.  I didn’t think it was that many.  I’m sure many of you come from much smaller towns.    The next closest town is 850 people.  And our town is the county seat after all.  LOL.

“Hi Colonel… yeah…um…I’m gonna be late this morning.  No, I’m not sick.  But, um… there’s a minion blocking the road.  Yes, sir.  I said a minion.  Yes, sir, like on the kids movie.  Yes, sir.  I will report to the clinic for a urinalysis when I get to the base, first thing.  Yes sir.”

Yup, that’s EXACTLY how that conversation would go.

Free-Falling: U.S. Oil Drops Below $5 Per Barrel As Demand Disappears

OUCH!  Yeah, at the beginning of 2020 U.S. oil was selling for around $60 a barrel.  That’s a kick in the ass.  Not like they won’t recover.  But, WOW!

I think I had them as divorce lawyers.

I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks earlier this month we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

What a year this week has been

People who ask me what I’m doing tomorrow probably assume that I even know what day of the week it is.

Whoever owes you money, go to there house now, they should be home.

Traffic is so much better without all you non-essentials on the road.

And that, dear friends, is it for today.  Remember, you can always reach me at impishdragon@gmail.com or by leaving a comment on the blog.  I love hearing from you and I don’t know if the quality of the issues have fallen off or if you guys have just gotten tired of talking to me, but the comments have fallen off lately.  But, be that as it may, you can’t get rid of me that easily, I’ll be around for a little while longer, so take care, until we meet again.  Love to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon