Dragon Laffs

Good Morning Campers,

Yes, I know according to you reading this, Father’s Day was yesterday, but according to me, writing this, Father’s Day is today…so…Happy Father’s Day.  My son, daughter-in-law, and grandkids came by yesterday to help with some yard work.  I got the grandsons working in the backyard with my son, I was mowing in the backyard and my son said he had to go in and use the bathroom.  When he didn’t come back, I thought he was around front cutting down a tree (a small one) that I asked him to take down that was beginning to interfere with the wires running to the house.  I didn’t think anything of it.  I got done with the backyard and wondered into the house to get a drink and when I went in there was a brand new TV, much larger than the old, out-dated TV, sitting in the living room.  They had snuck it in the front door while I was busy with the grandsons in the backyard and had gotten it all set up.

I’ve been meaning to update my TV, since it won’t run a lot of the newer apps like Disney +, which I’ve had to watch on my tablet.  I’ve held off on watching the second season of the Mandalorian because I was kinda waiting to see if I could get a new TV.  Now I have one and I am now watching as I’m typing this issue.

So … it was a nice Father’s Day.

I hope all of you had just as nice a day.

I have another update!  And it’s a huge update.  Thanks so much to William E. for his wonderfully huge donation.  It was extraordinarily generous and very much appreciated. You guys are so wonderful.

So, our list so far:

Steven H.
Dan T.
Leah H.
Carlos W.
Ray S.
William E.

Thank you all so very much.  You are all so very special and generous people.

How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it’s not five, because my basement is still dark.

Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?

I got angry with my sister and put Nair hair removal on her pillow; thankfully she smelled it first before putting her head on the pillow.  I was severely punished …

“Where’s the remote?”  “I don’t have the remote!”  “Give me the damn remote!”

Yes… I know it was bad … but it was also cute.

You all are making your kids soft.  When I was 5 I died once and my momma made me walk it off …

They called us gypsies, tramps and thieves …

Thanks Lynn…

This next one is from Lynn.  And you know that I have always been a proponent of women (a big fan, I am) and a true believer in the fact that they are indeed the stronger gender.  But, this essay, entitled: Why Women Are Crabby, is truly marvelous.

We started to ‘bud’ in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn’t even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn’t end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn’t spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary’s Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee’d our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain, all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, ‘Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. ‘Just one more good push’ (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels, only to find that when all that ‘cute’ wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their ‘Teen Years.’ Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40’s – while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: ‘The Menopause,’ the Grandmother of all womanhood. It’s either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned ‘buds’ or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easily, INCLUDING the icing on life’s cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks…

So, while I love being a woman, ‘Womanhood’ would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the ‘weaker sex?’ Yeah right. Bite me.

What Is Butt Dust? 

What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’? What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious? Read on and you’ll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I cost?’

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget….

This particular Sunday sermon… ‘Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. ‘Without you, we are but dust….’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

Make sure you pass this one on and spread the smiles…

Aaanndd….sadly so many of you youngsters out there ain’t gonna get that one, either.

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong that even autocorrect is like, “I got nothin’ man…”

I just cleared out some space in the freezer sounds much more productive than I just polished off another pint of ice cream.

I attended a rock concert performed by Styx and the Rolling Stones.  I returned with broken bones.

Fact 1:  Reading can make you a better conversationalist.

Fact 2:  Neighbors will never complain you are reading too loud.

Fact 3:  Knowledge by osmosis has not yet been perfected, so you’d better read.

Fact 4:  Books have stopped bullets.  Reading could save your life.

Fact 5:  Dinosaurs did not read.  Look what happened to them.

Sadly, that’s me running out of time.  I had something come up and had to leave the computer.  No, everything is okay, but I had to leave the house for several hours and no it is well past my bed time and I must work in the morning, so I’m finishing this up and calling it a night so you guys will have something to read tomorrow.  I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and a Happy Father’s Day to all of you.  Be well, be happy, be loved.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers, 

And just like that … today is a national holiday.  Juneteenth.  Late yesterday afternoon (Thursday) we were told that we would have today (Friday) as a day off.  And I guess this will be a national holiday now forever.  Sometime last evening, I got this “letter” from my leadership on my official email which explains a little of the history of this holiday.  Here is part of that letter:

On June 19, 1865, Major General Gordon Granger of the Union Army arrived on the island of Galveston in Texas to take command of over 2,000 federal troops on the island. On that day, he and his troops marched through the streets reading General Order Number 3, proclaiming the emancipation of enslaved people.

Since that time, Juneteenth, also known as Jubilee Day or Emancipation Day, has served as a day to celebrate these events across the country. This week, the federal government recognized Juneteenth National Independence Day as a federal holiday.

So, that’s what Juneteenth is all about.  I had no enslaved people in my family, but Mrs. Dragon did have some Irish slaves in her family history …

But, I did want to share that with you guys.  Never let a good holiday go to waste.

You know, the older I get the weirder my emails get.  I just got an email from a relator offering me first bid on a warehouse that used to be a FedEx building.  Lots of storage, great condition, and still able to be connected to shipping lines.  Wants me to set up an appointment to come take a look. 

The next one was for a guy selling a concoction of special herbs and vitamins to help keep me young and fit.

Then I got one offering me cow, sheep, and llama feed.

What-the-ever-living-fuck?

Now, if the warehouse was near a grassy field, I could put my cows, sheep, and llamas in the field, and use the warehouse to store all their feed.  I’ll need the mix of special herbs and vitamins to keep me young and fit to move all this stuff around and take care of my new farm that somebody thinks I have!

Whatever happened to the good old emails about buying male enhancement drugs or second hand firearms or African Princes giving away a million dollars?  Seems like I don’t many of those anymore.  Now I get the crazy crap.  I mean, come on!  Where’s a good sex scandal when you need one!

Anyway … I’ve meandered down this lane far enough this morning … on Juneteenth. 

I did find out some bad news last night.  Kind of broke my heart a little.  Even though I did kind of expect it.  You guys remember Diaman.  She was like a second mom to me.  I last heard from her last July 4th and then she stopped writing to me.  She was quite elderly.  Mrs. Dragon does a lot with genealogy … she’s quite good, actually.  She needs to start her own company.  Anyway, I knew that Diaman had moved back east to stay with relatives because her sister had died.  They were taking care of each other out in California.  Then she had computer issues which is why we lost touch after the 4th of July.  Anyway, I’m rambling…Mrs. Dragon found out that Diaman passed away last month … May of 2021.  She was 90 years old I believe.  Another dear friend. 

So, here’s to Daiman … I know you’re looking down, having a great time, laughing your ass off with Lethal and Ginny.  Love you mom.

Now, let’s the rest of us do some laughing.

A truck loaded with Vicks Vapor Rub overturned on the highway.

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.

What’s the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?

Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.

I once had a dog named Fred, who loved the rain and scratched the door until I took him out in it.

I took an umbrella, but it did not cover Fred as he liked to walk ahead.

One day when we came back, my mother was in the house and said, “The dog’s all wet.”

I said, “Yes, raindrops keep falling on my Fred.”

Gosh, I love science jokes…

Because this is just plain cool.

There was a Roman Emperor who never aged after he turned 13.

His name was Constant Teen.

You guys do know who sent in all these really awful puns, right?

I tried to warn my friend about the dangers of playing Russian Roulette – but it went in one ear and out the other.

Seriously, it should be easy to figure out …

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Stephanie … it’s Stephanie…of course.

And Sally got ready to get a good, relaxing, recharging night’s sleep.

I need that kind of coffee that’s so strong when I take a sip, my ancestors wake up.

The only thing separating you from certain death at 65 mph is a painted white line and a mutual agreement to not play bumper cars.

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY “THOMAS COOK VACATIONS” FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS: 

1. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”

2. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

6. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

7. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”

8. “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

9. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”

10. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

11. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”

12. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

13. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”

14. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”

15. “When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”

16. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”

17. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

18. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”

19. “My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

Source: Peter Dickinson

Oh     My     Gawd!!!!!

If you hadn’t told me they were real, I’d have figured each and every one of those were made up, because people couldn’t possibly be that stupid and self-centered … but then … someone in the crowd yells, “Challenge Accepted!” and the race is on.

I’m not sure I could walk on either one of those floors!!

Every time I see a mattress on top of a car I think – Damn prostitutes are doing door dash now.

And here’s three more weird floors:

My neighbor asked if he could use my lawn mower.  I said sure.  Just don’t take it out of the yard.

And let’s just finish up with the rest of them that I have …

That is some awesome artistry.  Oddly, sometimes only seen perfectly from the correct angle. 

The Library of Congress contains approximately 838 miles of bookshelves—long enough to stretch from Houston to Chicago.

This is what a tree farm looks like.

I’m so sick and tired of my friends who can’t handle their alcohol.  Last night they dropped me three times while carrying me to the car.

So, I’ve been corrected.  Or at least fact checked.  Thanks to Bob for sending this along.  Remember the lady who had the rant about Social Security … well … turns out that it ain’t so!

www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-greediest-generation

Now, it may be that the people we were told didn’t say it or wrote it or whatever, but the sentiments are certainly true enough, so … we’ll let it stand.

But thanks Bob for sending it in.

Nah!  I know the secret.  Make her laugh and smile every day.

Fellas, you can’t call her a gold digger if you don’t have any gold … she’s just a coin collector.

And that’s it for today’s issue.  No updates for today on our Security Forces Lady.  Please don’t forget about her.  We have until the 4th of July to collect money for her and then I have to convert it to a Visa Gift Card.

Until we meet again, may you all be filled with love and happiness.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Kind of a melancholy time of year.  On Monday, it would have been Lethal Leprechaun’s eleventh anniversary of Leprechaun Laffs.  I miss my brother from another mother so much.

But, yesterday was the fifteenth anniversary of Dragon Laffs, so that’s a happy occasion, right?  Wow, fifteen years of doing this … and I’m not a millionaire yet.  I thought the whole dot com thing would have taken off by now.  But, my whole math brain kicks in and 1906 issues over 15 years is about 127 issues a year or about 11 issues a month or about 3 issues a week … which is pretty much what I’m averaging right now.  So … I’m hitting par.

Man, I need to get out of my head sometimes.

Anyway, happy anniversary to us!  Fifteen wonderful years with you guys.  Here’s to the next fifteen!

Wow, okay, that gif on the left is a bit friggin’ annoying.  Let’s move on, shall we?

Got some important stuff to go over with you guys today.  Mrs. Dragon sent me some really good stuff as well as a lot of other people, too.  So, without too much more ado …

I did not know this … what a cool story!  Thanks to  Lynn for sending this one in!

If you ever feel dumb, just know that when my friend was 14 she went to a psychiatrist because she “had a voice in her head.”  It was her brain.  Like literally just her thoughts.  She thought she was the only person who the ability to think.  For 14 years.

Mrs. Dragon just informed me that that would turn a lot of women on, because they are more audio oriented than men are.

Okay, first update of the day … As of Monday night …

We now have a bunch more people to say thank you to… for contributions to our Security Forces lady (think Military Cop) who got hurt and who we are taking donations for.  If you haven’t tuned in for a few days, here’s the quick recap.  On Memorial Day, one of our Security Forces troops suffered a freak accident and may now be paralyzed.  She has very young children and there is a BUNCH of expenses, childcare expenses, medical expenses, stupid stuff like getting someone down to Kentucky (where they live) to build wheel chair ramps so they can get her in and out of her own home!!!  That’s the kind of stuff that we’re trying to raise money for.  And now I have to wipe my eyes and keep typing.

Anyway, here’s our list up to this point:

Steven H. (You were the first!)
Dan T.
Leah H.

Hopefully before this issue is finished, I’ll have even more names to add to the list.  Remember, every little bit helps.  All you have to do is click on the regular donation button at the top of the web page.  Even a buck or two will help.  I’ll convert it to cash or a visa card or something.  We have set the date of the 4th of July for our Dragon Laffs Campers.  Okay, end of update, let’s go!

“We do not check the refrigerator multiple times to find new food; we check to see if our standards have dropped enough to eat what was available.”

The movie industry considers you to be an adult when you’re 17 to see an R-rated movie, but they conveniently lower that age to 13 when they are deciding who pays adult ticket prices.

I love these little guys!!!

When you watch a movie, you’re actually just watching an edited recorded of a bunch of people doing their jobs at work.

Oh my friggin’ GAWD!!!!!  I’m in AWE!!!!!  First of all, thank you so much to Ted for sending me this Nuclear Powered Mom.  She is ON FIRE!!!  You guys have simply GOT to click on the video at the end and watch her live!!

A New York parent brought the heat to members of the Carmel Central School District board for ’emotionally abusing’ children by ‘indoctrinating them with communist values.’

In comments at a school board business meeting in Putnam County, NY on Thursday, parent Tatiyana Ibrahim – whose child is a student, slammed the educators for promoting Critical Race Theory (CRT), Black Lives Matter, LGBTQ and anti-police ideologies both on and off campus.

“Stop indoctrinating our children. Stop teaching our children to hate the police. Stop teaching our children that if they don’t agree with the LGBT community that they’re homophobic. You have no idea each child’s life,” she said, adding “You don’t know what their family lifestyle consists of, you don’t know the makeup of their life.”

Ibrahim shut down school board members’ objections several times – in between calling out two teachers for posting their political beliefs online. When board members told her she wasn’t allowed to reference people by name, Ibrahim claimed those teachers called “for the death of a former president,” and that students who don’t support Black Lives Matter should be “canceled out.”

“Why are we not allowed to say names? Why am I not allowed when they purposefully expose themselves on social media, talking about calling for the death of a former president, or saying that any child who doesn’t believe in Black Lives Matter should be canceled out. Is this what my tax dollars are paying for?” she asked.

“You’re emotionally abusing our children and mentally abusing them,” Ibrahim continued. “You’re demoralizing them by teaching them communist values, this is still America, ma’am.”

Watch:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/zxu3wdiXRF0

Okay, was that not incredible?!?!

She’s my hero!!!

And we have another update!!!  Not only do we have two more people to thank:

Carlos W.
Ray S.

Thank you both so very, very much!!!

But I also have another update on our young lady!  She was able to lift her legs slightly and has some feeling in her legs!  The doctors are amazed at her progress.  Not that they think she will ever fully recover, but they now think that she may not be fully paralyzed either.  So, keep the prayers going.

And this issue is just FULL of GREAT STUFF!!!!  Here’s something that Mrs. Dragon found that just found ME another hero!  And this 100% falls under the category of ..

I DON’T THINK PISSED REALLY COVERS IT ! ! !

Alan Simpson, the Senator from Wyoming calls senior citizens the Greediest Generation as he compared “Social Security ” to a Milk Cow with 310 million teats. Here’s a response in a letter from PATTY MYERS in Montana … I think she is a little ticked off! She also tells it like it is!

“Hey Alan, let’s get a few things straight!!!

1. As a career politician, you have been on the public dole (tit) for FIFTY YEARS.

2. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 years old. I am now 63).  Same as me!

3. My Social Security payments, and those of millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a bunch of zero losers in return for votes, thus bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme that would make Bernie Madoff proud.

4. Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and “your ilk” pulled the proverbial football away from millions of American seniors nearing retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement from age 65 to age, 67. NOW, you and your “shill commission” are proposing to move the goalposts YET AGAIN.

5. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying into Medicare from Day One, and now “you morons” propose to change the rules of the game. Why? Because “you idiots” mismanaged other parts of the economy to such an extent that you need to steal our money from Medicare to pay the bills.

6. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you “incompetent bastards” spent our money so profligately that you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come to the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay off YOUR debt.  And you never even asked us if we wanted to incur that debt!

To add insult to injury, you label us “greedy” for calling “bullshit” to your incompetence.

Well, Captain Bullshit, I have a few questions for YOU:

1. How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during your pathetic 50-year political career?

2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and how much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the American taxpayers?

3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?

4. What cuts in YOUR retirement and healthcare benefits are you proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or as usual, have you exempted yourself and your political cronies?

It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political co-conspirators called Congress who are the “greedy” ones. It is you and your fellow nutcase thieves who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers.

And for what? Votes and your job and retirement security at our expense, you lunk-headed, leech.

That’s right, sir. You and yours have bankrupted America for the sole purpose of advancing your pathetic, political careers. You know it, we know it, and you know that we know it.

And you can take that to the bank, you miserable son of a bitch.

P.S. And stop calling Social Security benefits “entitlements”. WHAT AN INSULT!!!!

I have been paying in to the SS system for 45 years “It’s my money”-give it back to me the way the system was designed and stop patting yourself on the back like you are being generous by doling out these monthly checks .

Montana citizen, Patty Myers

Patty Myers, you are my HERO!!!!!!  Oh, and by the way, I’ll take all of MY SOCIAL SECURITY MONEY THAT I’VE PAID IN IN ONE LUMP SUM!!!! 

You are overwhelmingly distracted by my flowers so that I may stab you with my sword.

For those that don’t know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian.

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this!
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

This is a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?

The broadcast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, the interview was over.

I would pay money to have seen her face…

I bet it would have made lemon juice look like honey.

And there it is again … something this dragon wishes HE had said.

Once more with the strange signs …

Stephanie sent that to me … and Stephanie … Dear … I have so many questions.

And I’ll be having some nightmares, as well.

I came from a generation where “Keep

Talking” meant you better shut up!

Okay … let’s do this!!!

Not much in the way of Political Memes today, but with all the other political stuff I’ve thrown in today, I think I’ve made up for it … but there’s one more article I think I need to share with you …

Did you guys see this one?

US bishops to discuss Communion ban for Biden, left-wing politicians with ‘antithetical’ views

Basically the article discusses the fact that the US Conference of Catholic Bishops is discussing banning politicians, including Biden (only the second Catholic President) and Pelosi from the sacraments of the Catholic church and perhaps even labeling them Apostates for their political stances on things like abortion, which the Catholic Church is very much against.  Wouldn’t that be something for the “Leader of the Free World” to be kicked out of his church?  Absolutely perfect.  We already know he’s a liar and a thief, now we can throw in Apostate as well.  If you want to read the article yourself, here’s the link: https://www.foxnews.com/us/bishops-communion-ban-biden-politicians

This is a volcano in Ethiopia that burns bright blue.

The Los Angeles Coroner’s Office has its own quirky gift shop called Skeletons in the Closet.

Some call it multi-tasking, I call it doing something else while I try to remember what I was doing in the first place.

Age 12:  Fell off of bike at high velocity onto gravel road, biked 5 miles home.

Age 40:  Used wrong pillow, back was nonfunctional for two days.

Pet Dragon?  PET Dragon?!  There are no PET Dragons!  No self-respecting dragon would ever become a PET!  Unless there were snacks and scratches involved …

Onion Rings are Vegetable Donuts

That’s just WRONG!  And you may have just ruined donuts for me…

And that’s it my friends … no more updates for this issue, but I have high hopes for the next one.  We have until the 4th of July…Independence Day … to help with some Independence with this Veteran and her family.

Thanks for all you guys do and thanks for hanging with me for this issue.  I’m hoping for one for Saturday, but we’ve got doctor appointments after work on Thursday and Friday and the grandkids are coming over on Saturday for Father’s Day on Sunday … so we’ll see.

May your days be filled with Love and Happiness.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

I just finished watching a pretty good movie called Last Knights.  And it got me thinking about the over arching theme behind the movie which, if you haven’t seen it, is about duty, integrity, and honor … even when it’s hard – especially when it’s hard.  It is a stark comparison to what’s going on in our country right now. 

What is integrity?  Well, in the strictest definition, it is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.  But, you could say that it is doing the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason.  A quality that is sorely lacking … everywhere right now. 

Well, maybe not everywhere …

I was in the hardware store yesterday, buying weed killer, and the young man ahead of me had just checked out.  He was late teens or early twenties.  He was walking away and the older lady who was ringing me up had already started on my stuff, with Izzy Dragon standing beside me when the young man came back up and said, “Hey.  You gave me too much change back.  I think two of these five’s were stuck together.”  He then shoved a five dollar bill toward the lady cashier and turned around and walked away.  We both looked at each other in shock and didn’t say a word.

Now, yeah, rude as hell.  Just interrupted us, no manners…but lots of integrity.  He could very easily just have walked out with the extra change.  And I paraphrased what he did say, so we’d need to work on his grammar a bit, too, but still … integrity.  There’s something there to work with.  If we could just move some of this toward Washington, D.C. … …

C. S. Lewis says that integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching, but maybe integrity is doing the right thing especially when no one is watching.  You people who are in charge – even a little bit – need to pay attention. 

But now, we need to pay attention to laughter, because we know that they aren’t going to pay attention to what one little dragon has to say.  But, if we all say it together … That’s what we’re trying to do here folks.  The power of many of us speaking with one voice.

But for now, let’s all laugh together.

Blazing Saddles has just been edited for television.  It will air tonight from 8:00 to 8:07.

That actually makes sense …

I before E

Except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters.

Weird.

Huge Fight at Seafood Restaurant

Battered Fish Everywhere

And this shit happens to me ALL.  THE.  TIME.  It’s absolutely amazing to me that I can be reading a book and moving through paragraphs and pages where I can pause anytime and then as soon as I get to an exciting part, everybody and their brother wants my attention! 

Okay, and this next one is from Stephanie, which probably doesn’t surprise any of us because she’s pretty good at finding strange stuff on the internet.  Here’s a guy who designed a roller coaster that is designed to gently and in a fun way … um … help you kill yourself.

https://www.ranker.com/list/euthanasia-coaster-facts/jodi-smith

Man, this next joke made me laugh SO HARD.  Thanks Steph!

One of our female members, who shall remain nameless, took a vacation to France some years ago with one of her girlfriends.

Her husband drove her to the airport and wished her a good trip.  The wife asked, “Would you like me to bring something back for your?”

The husband laughed and says, “How about a French girl!”

Our lady kept quiet, didn’t respond, and went into the terminal.

Two weeks later her husband picked her up at the airport and asked, “So, honey, how was the trip?”

“Really great, I loved Paris.”

“And, what happened to my present?”

“Which present?”

“What I asked for … the French girl?”

“Oh, that?  Well, I did what I could, now we’ll have to wait nine months to see if it’s a girl!!!”

Absolutely perfect.

Hi honey, I’m home …

If bedbugs are found on beds, who ever came up with the name cockroach?

I found that growing up in the SIXTIES was a lot more fun than being in my SIXTIES

I FUCKING KNEW IT!  I knew I should’ve responded to that damn email!  I knew it, I knew it, I fucking knew it!!!! Damn it!

At the Ballet you always see girls dancing on tiptoes … why don’t they just get taller girls?

Speaking of ballet …

I’m really good at selling home security systems.  If the people aren’t home, I just leave a brochure on their kitchen table.

Do not eat Aluminum or you’ll Sheet Metal

I have questions … well … maybe just one …

This is what a sunset looks like from above the clouds.

The Empire State building has its own zip code.

And our newest daily category…

Special thanks to Ted for this thoughtful one …

Snow, Traffic Jams, and Electric Cars.

Has anyone thought about it?

If all cars were electric … and were caught up in a three hour traffic jam…  dead batteries! Then what?

Not to mention, that there is virtually no heating in an electric vehicle.

And if you get stuck on the road all night, no battery, no heating !!!

You can try calling 911 to bring women and children to safety!

But they can not even come to help you since all roads are blocked !!!

And when the roads become unblocked no one can move!

How do you charge the thousands of cars from the traffic jam?

Same problem during summer vacation departures with miles of traffic jams.

This will make cars run out of “fuel” and cause never ending traffic jams.

But that, nobody talks about, of course!

Just saying!

You drop something when you were younger, you just pick it up.

When you’re older and you drop something, you stare at it for a bit, contemplating if you actually will ever need it again.

Everything happens for a reason.

Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and make bad decisions.

“Why are you so nice, even to people who are rude to you?”

“Because I, too, have been rude to nice people, and I know that rudeness comes from a place of a roaring pain and only kindness soothes it.” ~ By The Word

“And because I am a kind person and why should I change myself because of them.” ~ Mrs. Dragon

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

And that’s it for today my friends.  No updates for the donations for the Security Forces Lady.  I’m still hoping we can raise a little bit of money for her.  Just remember, all you have to do is hit the donation button on the top right, just like you do when I ask you to once a year to help me pay the bills for the website.  I’ll just take everything you guys donate and turn it over to the family to help them with expenses.  Every little bit helps.  A buck or two here and there when we add it all up together, would make a hell of a difference.  Supposedly we have 500 plus readers, if everyone gave $2, that’s a thousand dollars.  Now we all know that’s not going to happen, but you see what a little bit from everyone can do.

So … prove me wrong.  Make it happen….

Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Well … I’m a little surprised.  I didn’t get a single comment on my last issue … edition.  I know I have a lot of issues.  Not that kind of issue, ezine issue … edition. Sigh.  You know what I mean.  But no one said a word.  At least up to this point.  Maybe it was because it was so long between editions that you guys forgot about me already?  You guys have already moved on?  I’m already an afterthought?

All it took was a week!!!!!!

Holy crap guys!!!!

That means that I have to make this issue … edition … even more special, even more obnoxious, even more IMPISH!

Only …

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do that since I normally do a p-r-e-t-t-y
g-o-o-d job. 

But I’m certainly going to try.

But, come on.  Nothing?  From anyone.

And no one said anything about the Security Forces lady who was hurt, but I do have an update.  I didn’t tell you that she is paralyzed, because I didn’t want to throw everything at you guys at once, but from what I understand, she did move her fingers a little tiny bit.  I don’t know if it was on purpose or not.  I assume it was since everyone was really happy about it and said it was really good news.  I’m getting most of my information like third hand, but we’ll take any good news we can get at this point.

And with that … on to the issue … or … um … edition.

And that should tell you an awful lot …

INEPTOCRACY – (in-ep-toc’-ra-cy) – A system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

This really belongs in the political section, but it is special enough that I want to highlight it by itself.  Thanks very much to Lynn for sending this to me.

And this DEFINITELY falls under the category of …

In early January 2020, Bob Lonsberry, a Rochester talk radio personality on WHAM 1180 AM, said this in response to Biden’s Income inequality speech:

 

Two Americas

 

The Democrats are right, there are two Americas.

 

The America that works, and the America that doesn’t.

 

The America that contributes, and the America that doesn’t.

 

It’s not the haves and the have nots, it’s the dos and the don’ts.

 

Some people do their duty as Americans, obey the law, support themselves, contribute to society, and others don’t. That’s the divide in America.

 

It’s not about income inequality, it’s about civic irresponsibility.

 

It’s about a political party that preaches hatred, greed and victimization in order to win elective office.

 

It’s about a political party that loves power more than it loves its country. That’s not invective, that’s truth, and it’s about time someone said it.

 

The politics of envy was on proud display a couple weeks ago when President Biden pledged the rest of his term to fighting “income inequality.” He noted that some people make more than other people, that some people have higher incomes than others, and he says that’s not just.

 

That is the rationale of thievery. The other guy has it, you want it, Biden will take it for you. Vote Democrat.

 

That is the philosophy that produced Detroit. It is the electoral philosophy that is destroying America .

 

It conceals a fundamental deviation from American values and common sense because it ends up not benefiting the people who support it, but a betrayal.

 

The Democrats have not empowered their followers; they have enslaved them in a culture of dependence and entitlement, of victim-hood and anger instead of ability and hope.

 

The president’s premise – that you reduce income inequality by debasing the successful – seeks to deny the successful the consequences of their choices, and spare the unsuccessful the consequences of their choices. Because, by and large, income variations in society are a result of different choices leading to different consequences. Those who choose wisely and responsibly have a far greater likelihood of success, while those who choose foolishly and irresponsibly have a far greater likelihood of failure. Success and failure usually manifest themselves in personal and family income.

 

You choose to drop out of high school or to skip college – and you are apt to have a different outcome than someone who gets a diploma and pushes on with purposeful education and/or employment.

 

You have your children out of wedlock and life is apt to take one course; you have them within a marriage and life is apt to take another course.

 

Most often in life our destination is determined by the course we take.

 

My doctor, for example, makes far more than I do. There is significant income inequality between us. Our lives have had an inequality of outcome, but, our lives also have had an inequality of effort. While my doctor went to college and then devoted his young adulthood to medical school and residency, I chose another avenue.

 

He made a choice, I made a choice, and our choices led us to different outcomes. His outcome pays a lot better than mine. Does that mean he cheated and Joe Biden needs to take away his wealth? No, it means we are both free men in a free society where free choices lead to different outcomes.

 

It is not inequality Joe Biden intends to take away, it is freedom. The freedom to succeed and the freedom to fail. There is no true option for success if there is no true option for failure. The pursuit of happiness means a whole lot less when you face the punitive hand of government if your pursuit brings you more happiness than the other guy. Even if the other guy sat on his arse and did nothing. Even if the other guy made a lifetime’s worth of asinine and shortsighted decisions.

 

President Biden and the Democrats preach equality of outcome as a right, while completely ignoring inequality of effort. The simple Law of the Harvest – as ye sow, so shall ye reap – is sometimes applied as, “The harder you work, the more you get.” Biden would turn that upside down. Those who achieve are to be punished as enemies of society and those who fail are to be rewarded as wards of society.

 

Entitlement will replace effort as the key to upward mobility in American society if President Biden Barack gets his way. He seeks a lowest common denominator society in which the government besieges the successful and productive to foster equality through mediocrity. He and his party speak of two Americas, and their grip on power is based on using the votes of one to sap the productivity of the other. America is not divided by the differences in our outcomes, it is divided by the differences in our efforts. It is a false philosophy to say one man’s success comes about unavoidably as the result of another man’s victimization.

 

What Biden offered was not a solution, but a separatism. He fomented division and strife, pitted one set of Americans against another for his own political benefit. That’s what socialists offer. Marxist class warfare wrapped up with a bow.

 

Two Americas, coming closer each day to proving the truth to Lincoln’s maxim that a house divided against itself cannot stand.

Haven’t we been saying the same thing for months?  Why can’t these restaurants and fast food places get any employees?  Why are states having to shut off the unemployment benefits that the federal government is forcing on us?  Because people are making more money sitting on their asses at home then if they actually had to go out and work for a living.  Incentive money for anyone making $75,000 a year or less?  Jeez, if you are a single person and you can’t afford to support yourself on $75k a year … WTF!!!  This guy is dead on the money!  And it was written a year and a half ago!  And see how it has all come true!

“Why, yes!  I’d LOVE to buy some Girl Scout Cookies!!!!!”

Unlimited energy, or perpetual stupidity … you be the judge.

“Hello.  My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die.”

Okay….update …

First donation has come in … and the winner is…

Steven H.  And yes, I’m sure it will help that family.  Bless you brother!

For the rest of you guys, don’t be shy.  Anything will help.  A buck or two, when we all add it together will really make a difference.  Let’s see what we can do by July.  Let me look it up…. Since the 4th is on a Sunday, they pushed the July UTA back to the weekend of the 10th.  So, that means that all donations have to be collected and cashed and everything by then.  So, with time for me to convert to cash and get it to them and all that stuff, let’s say that Dragon Laffs will run this thing until … well, let’s run it till Independence Day.  And let’s see if what we can do to make this family a little more financially independent, even a tiny bit more independent for the future.

For those of you who are just tuning in, this young Security Forces (think military cop) was at home with her family on Memorial Day and had a freak accident, got injured, and now may be paralyzed.  She has little kids at home and is looking at, at least, long term care, child care, and … well, you can imagine.  The base has reached out, and I’m reaching out to you, my family.  The latest we heard was that she moved her fingers a tiny bit.  Don’t know if it was voluntary or involuntary muscle movement, but … prayers and high hopes.  Keep this young lady in your prayers, campers.

Okay, onward…

Dammit cousin Billy, I warned you!!!

Whoever she is … she’s a keeper!!!

In Utah the term “Speed Limit” translates to: “If we all go 80 mph, the can’t pull us all over” and I think that’s beautiful.

I’m not sure if that’s true or not … I haven’t driven in Utah in about 44 years, but if my recollection is still correct, yeah, that’s about right.

A man went to the Great Lakes Military Cemetery.  He took some pictures while reflecting on what’s going on in our country today.  Then he wrote this simple poem:

I don’t see any color here,
The headstones look the same.
No black, no brown, now white skin tone,
There’s no one here to blame.

These soldiers fought and died for you.
Their color you can’t see.
Your rights are still protected,
Here’s the place to take a knee.

Whoever you are sir, I salute you.

The trick to being smart, is knowing when to play dumb.

It is as good an explanation as I’ve ever heard.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Honolulu, Hawaii where bozo Robert Graham walked away from a work furlough program to marry his girlfriend. At the time our bozo was only 5 months shy of finishing an 8 year sentence. Our bozo never got to go on his honeymoon, however. The office manager at the marriage license bureau got suspicious and called the cops when our bozo tried to use his prison ID to apply for his marriage license.

Holy crap!  I just found his brother …

Holy CRAP!  I’m rich!  I’m rich, I’m rich, I’m rich!  Check out this email I just got:

Dear Friend,  See, he calls me his friend!

I Am Mr. Tom Hassan. From West Africa i have a business deal to share with you in the sum of10.2M USD dollars that is been held in our here in

(B.O.A) bank of Africa the fund mentioned rightful belong to one of our late client who deposited the money in our bank here ever since he Died nobody have been able to apply to claim the fund so i wish that you will come and Assume as his foreign business partner also note this business is risk Free not to be sacred or doubt is real please my dearest one also noted.  He speaks such fluid English and it’s 10.2 million dollars!!!!

This once we succeed in transferring this fund to your wish provided Account in your country it will share among us in agreement of 60% 40 I believe that after this Deal joy and happiness will be on or face’s and family’s please reply to me with your details so we can move on with this great plan ok.  OK!  But … do I get the 60% or the 40 … so is that 6.12 million or 4.08 million…

Your Full Name…….  Impish Dragon

Your Age&Sex……..  Not really sure … um … let’s say 225 (our years are so different from yours) and as often as possible

Your Marital Status……  Very married

Your Country Name…….  The United States of America…um … well … that’s the human side … the mythological side is kind of unpronounceable … so let’s go with that.

Your Phone Number……  Unreachable by phone

Your Occupation…..  Dragon

Your Bank Name……  Impish’s Horde of Gold (it’s a very small branch)

Your Account Number……  1

Thanks Yours Brotherly  He ain’t heavy … he’s my brotherly …

Mr. Tom Hassan.

You know, the thing that bothers me the most about this … is that they wouldn’t be sending this stupid shit out it it wasn’t working with someone.  People please!  No one in South Africa, or anywhere else in the world is going to give you a plug nickel … much less a million dollars.  You know, I say that as I ask you guys to give me money for someone you’ve never met and to send me donations every year, so it that hypocritical of me?  Maybe there is really is some rich African Prince somewhere who’s been trying for years and years to get rid of this 10 million dollars and can’t believe that no matter how hard he tries, he just can’t get anyone to take it off his hands …

But I friggin’ doubt it.

This is what the Seattle skyline looks like.

Oregon’s Crater Lake is deep enough to cover six Statues of Liberty stacked on top of each other

I want to thank my parents for not letting me pick my gender while I was still eating Crayons, Glue, Boogers, and Dog Food.

Take a really good look at the statue and see what parts are polished clean …

AMEN!!!  Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen!  Do NOT blame the Police because YOU are a shitty parent!

We have said it SO MANY times … why are the vocal minority getting so much attention?  Could it be because they all vote democrat?

So true it makes me want to cry.

No kidding!  You never ONCE asked me if I wanted to incur your fucking debt!!!

A chicken walks into a library and goes up to the desk.

“Buk,” says the chicken.  So the librarian gives him a book.  The chicken leaves with the book and returns five minutes later.

“Buk,” he says.  So the librarian gives him another book. 

This goes on about eight more times, until finally the librarian leaves the library and goes outside on break in back where there’s a pond.  The chicken is standing on the edge of the pond tossing the books to a frog on a lily pad.  The chicken says “Buk, Buk” and the frog says, “reddit, reddit”.

I’ll show myself out.

It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered that my Universal Remote Control did NOT, in fact, control the Universe.

Not even remotely.

Damn … I’m pretty sure I know her … if not, I’m 100% I know the type.

I was wondering why music was coming from my printer?

Apparently the paper was jamming.

If you don’t do a lot of stupid things when you’re young, you won’t have funny things to talk about when you’re old.

Subtle, that one is.

If I was Snow White you’d never be able to kill me with an apple … You’d have to poison an éclair or something.

And with that little bit of stoner humor, we’ll end today’s issue … edition (okay, don’t start that shit again) here.  No more updates today, just the one.  Thanks so much for all that you do for and with me.  Thanks for all the kind thoughts this week while I’ve been missing in action.  No, Mrs. Dragon is fine, I’m fine, just an exercise out at the base and lots and lots of extended 12 and 14 hour shifts. 

But for now, all is well with the world, so until we meet again, dear campers.

Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon