Dragon Laffs #1907


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Good Morning Campers,  candle

And just like that … today is a national holiday.  Juneteenth.  Late yesterday afternoon (Thursday) we were told that we would have today (Friday) as a day off.  And I guess this will be a national holiday now forever.  Sometime last evening, I got this “letter” from my leadership on my official email which explains a little of the history of this holiday.  Here is part of that letter:

On June 19, 1865, Major General Gordon Granger of the Union Army arrived on the island of Galveston in Texas to take command of over 2,000 federal troops on the island. On that day, he and his troops marched through the streets reading General Order Number 3, proclaiming the emancipation of enslaved people.

Since that time, Juneteenth, also known as Jubilee Day or Emancipation Day, has served as a day to celebrate these events across the country. This week, the federal government recognized Juneteenth National Independence Day as a federal holiday.

So, that’s what Juneteenth is all about.  I had no enslaved people in my family, but Mrs. Dragon did have some Irish slaves in her family history …

But, I did want to share that with you guys.  Never let a good holiday go to waste.

You know, the older I get the weirder my emails get.  I just got an email from a relator offering me first bid on a warehouse that used to be a FedEx building.  Lots of storage, great condition, and still able to be connected to shipping lines.  Wants me to set up an appointment to come take a look. 

The next one was for a guy selling a concoction of special herbs and vitamins to help keep me young and fit.

Then I got one offering me cow, sheep, and llama feed.

What-the-ever-living-fuck?

Now, if the warehouse was near a grassy field, I could put my cows, sheep, and llamas in the field, and use the warehouse to store all their feed.  I’ll need the mix of special herbs and vitamins to keep me young and fit to move all this stuff around and take care of my new farm that somebody thinks I have!

Whatever happened to the good old emails about buying male enhancement drugs or second hand firearms or African Princes giving away a million dollars?  Seems like I don’t many of those anymore.  Now I get the crazy crap.  I mean, come on!  Where’s a good sex scandal when you need one!

Anyway … I’ve meandered down this lane far enough this morning … on Juneteenth. 

I did find out some bad news last night.  Kind of broke my heart a little.  Even though I did kind of expect it.  You guys remember Diaman.  She was like a second mom to me.  I last heard from her last July 4th and then she stopped writing to me.  She was quite elderly.  Mrs. Dragon does a lot with genealogy … she’s quite good, actually.  She needs to start her own company.  Anyway, I knew that Diaman had moved back east to stay with relatives because her sister had died.  They were taking care of each other out in California.  Then she had computer issues which is why we lost touch after the 4th of July.  Anyway, I’m rambling…Mrs. Dragon found out that Diaman passed away last month … May of 2021.  She was 90 years old I believe.  Another dear friend. 

So, here’s to Daiman … I know you’re looking down, having a great time, laughing your ass off with Lethal and Ginny.  Love you mom.

Now, let’s the rest of us do some laughing.

Let's laugh

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A truck loaded with Vicks Vapor Rub overturned on the highway.

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.

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What’s the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?

Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.

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I once had a dog named Fred, who loved the rain and scratched the door until I took him out in it.

I took an umbrella, but it did not cover Fred as he liked to walk ahead.

One day when we came back, my mother was in the house and said, “The dog’s all wet.”

I said, “Yes, raindrops keep falling on my Fred.”

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Gosh, I love science jokes…

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Dragon pics

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Because this is just plain cool.

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There was a Roman Emperor who never aged after he turned 13.

His name was Constant Teen.

You guys do know who sent in all these really awful puns, right?

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I tried to warn my friend about the dangers of playing Russian Roulette – but it went in one ear and out the other.

Seriously, it should be easy to figure out …

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The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Stephanie … it’s Stephanie…of course.

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Fantasy

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And Sally got ready to get a good, relaxing, recharging night’s sleep.

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I need that kind of coffee that’s so strong when I take a sip, my ancestors wake up.

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The only thing separating you from certain death at 65 mph is a painted white line and a mutual agreement to not play bumper cars.

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Motivational

Distraction

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Distractions

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Distractions3

Disturbed

Diversity

Diving

Divorce Lawyers

Divorce Settlements

Divorce

Do it later

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THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY “THOMAS COOK VACATIONS” FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS: 

1. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”

2. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

6. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

7. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”

8. “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

9. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”

10. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

11. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”

12. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

13. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”

14. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”

15. “When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”

16. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”

17. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

18. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”

19. “My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

Source: Peter Dickinson

Oh     My     Gawd!!!!!

If you hadn’t told me they were real, I’d have figured each and every one of those were made up, because people couldn’t possibly be that stupid and self-centered … but then … someone in the crowd yells, “Challenge Accepted!” and the race is on.

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I’m not sure I could walk on either one of those floors!!

Every time I see a mattress on top of a car I think – Damn prostitutes are doing door dash now.

And here’s three more weird floors:

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My neighbor asked if he could use my lawn mower.  I said sure.  Just don’t take it out of the yard.

And let’s just finish up with the rest of them that I have …

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That is some awesome artistry.  Oddly, sometimes only seen perfectly from the correct angle. 

Weird Fact

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The Library of Congress contains approximately 838 miles of bookshelves—long enough to stretch from Houston to Chicago.

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Know

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Breathtaking

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This is what a tree farm looks like.

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I’m so sick and tired of my friends who can’t handle their alcohol.  Last night they dropped me three times while carrying me to the car.

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So, I’ve been corrected.  Or at least fact checked.  Thanks to Bob for sending this along.  Remember the lady who had the rant about Social Security … well … turns out that it ain’t so!

www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-greediest-generation

Now, it may be that the people we were told didn’t say it or wrote it or whatever, but the sentiments are certainly true enough, so … we’ll let it stand.

But thanks Bob for sending it in.

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Nah!  I know the secret.  Make her laugh and smile every day.

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Fellas, you can’t call her a gold digger if you don’t have any gold … she’s just a coin collector.

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And that’s it for today’s issue.  No updates for today on our Security Forces Lady.  Please don’t forget about her.  We have until the 4th of July to collect money for her and then I have to convert it to a Visa Gift Card.

Until we meet again, may you all be filled with love and happiness.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1907

  1. Stephanie says:

    I had wonder what happened to her. Glad she had a nice long life.
    Why do you keep blaming stuff on me?

  2. Jeanne (aka Gracie) says:

    As usual, a great GREAT issue!! Love it!

  3. Leah D says:

    Happy Fathers Day to you, dear sir!

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