Good Morning Campers,
Well, the Russians did it.  They are at war.  And we are at … sanctions.  And crappy ones at that.  And because of that, China is now playing silly-beggars with Taiwan since all attention is on Russia and Biden is chasing his own tale.  And when Biden was asked if he was willing to ask China to help isolate Russia, his reply was that he was not willing to comment on that.  Because he’s not willing to jeopardize his paycheck!  Or his son’s paycheck!  And other than that, I can’t comment … dammit!
And it’s friggin’ snowing again!  We’re supposed to get another 2 to 4 inches again tonight.  Poor Izzy is working and I’ll have to go out and pick her up, so … that should be fun.
Went and saw the movie Dog the other day.  It was good.  Found out that the 3 dogs that they used as the co-star for the movie were born and raised right here in Miami County, Indiana where I live.  Yup, they used 3 different dogs.  It was kind of sad to go to the movie ’cause it was one of the things that Mrs. Dragon and I really liked to do.  And I reached out a couple of times and held Izzy’s hand, like I would with Mary’s.  She looked at me weird at first, but then I think she got it.
I also played darts Tuesday night.  That’s getting a little easier to do.  Had a really good night.  Didn’t win a lot of legs, but I played a lot better than I have lately which makes me think that I’m getting my arm back., which is a good thing.  I might try a heavier dart and see if that doesn’t help some.
Anyway, let’s get to some laughter.  I really need to turn the damn news off…

Fuck!  I’m older than Dirt!  But, I knew that going in.

Sometimes the only way to deal with horrific things in life is through a dark sense of humor.

 

Everyone wants to be the sun to lighten up someone’s life, but why not be the moon, to shine in someone’s darkest hour?

The Impish Dragon Mantra

Never Forget

How far you’ve come.  Everything you have gotten through.  All the times you have pushed on even when you felt you couldn’t.  All the mornings you got out of bed no matter how hard it was.  All the times you wanted to give up, but you got through another day. 

Never forget how much strength you have learned and developed along the way.

Our night security caught napping…

For those who ask: “Why does Ukraine matter? 

1st in Europe in proven recoverable reserves of uranium ores;

2nd place in Europe and 10th place in the world in terms of titanium ore reserves;

2nd place in the world in terms of explored reserves of manganese ores (2.3 billion tons, or 12% of the world’s reserves);

2nd largest iron ore reserves in the world (30 billion tons);

2nd place in Europe in terms of mercury ore reserves;

3rd place in Europe (13th place in the world) in shale gas reserves (22 trillion cubic meters)

4th in the world by the total value of natural resources;

7th place in the world in coal reserves (33.9 billion tons)

Ukraine is an agricultural country:

1st in Europe in terms of arable land area;

3rd place in the world by the area of black soil (25% of world’s volume);

1st place in the world in exports of sunflower and sunflower oil;

2nd place in the world in barley production and 4th place in barley exports;

3rd largest producer and 4th largest exporter of corn in the world;

4th largest producer of potatoes in the world;

5th largest rye producer in the world;

5th place in the world in bee production (75,000 tons);

8th place in the world in wheat exports;

9th place in the world in the production of chicken eggs;

16th place in the world in cheese exports.

Ukraine can meet the food needs of 600 million people.

Ukraine is an industrialized country:

1st in Europe in ammonia production;

2-е Europe’s and 4th largest natural gas pipeline system in the world (142.5 bln cubic meters of gas throughput capacity in the EU);

3rd largest in Europe and 8th largest in the world in terms of installed capacity of nuclear power plants;

3rd place in Europe and 11th in the world in terms of rail network length (21,700 km);

3rd place in the world (after the U.S. and France) in production of locators and locating equipment;

3rd largest iron exporter in the world

4th largest exporter of turbines for nuclear power plants in the world;

4th world’s largest manufacturer of rocket launchers;

4th place in the world in clay exports

4th place in the world in titanium exports

8th place in the world in exports of ores and concentrates;

9th place in the world in exports of defense industry products;

10th largest steel producer in the world (32.4 million tons).

Thanks to Lynn for sending us that one!

Seeing how some people wear their masks, I now understand how contraceptives fail.

My wife wanted to disgrace me in front of her friends; she said I wasn’t good in bed.  She was shocked when they all disagreed with her.

One of our Dragon Laffs undercover agents.

My neighbor just yelled at her kids so loud that even I brushed my teeth and went to bed.

This is NOT going to go well on a hot summer day.

No.  NO!  Under no circumstances should you ignore the dragons.

Boobs are to men, what laser pointers are to cats.

Well, that didn’t work out well…

For Your Information:  If you beep your horn .03 seconds after the light changes to green, I will shut off my car, lay on the hood, and feed birds for an hour.

One of the few dragon tats that I actually like.

Do your best to be respectful of everyone, but understand that some people just want to be offended, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

This one is perfect for me:  

I’m thinking back to when “a new hip joint” meant someplace I wanted to go to on a Friday night.

Sex over 40 can be so exciting…You never know whether it’s an orgasm, a stroke, or just a cramp.

Me too!!!!

Having noisy children in the church is a far better sound than the sound of no children in the church.

Bar & Bra  

Same letters, different words, but both keep men waiting eagerly till they open!

Getting a song stuck in your head wouldn’t be so bad if it was the full song instead of 10 seconds on a loop.

This essay, like many of the other excellent essays we receive here at Dragon Laffs, Inc, comes to us from Lynn.  I can’t verify that it’s true, I haven’t checked all the numbers, but I will say that I have indeed noticed a trend in not only the commercials, but also the TV shows, so I am going to go ahead and believe that someone did do the research.  This is called…

Silent Brainwashing

Black males are only 5% of our population yet were in 89.7% of the ads.
The fact is that while white males make up the largest segment of our population, they were in only in 4% of the TV commercials! 
 
Brainwashing is best accomplished when you have no idea that it is being done but simply occurs as part of the fabric of your life. While you may “feel” that something is wrong, you are being programmed nonetheless. Think about TV Commercials and shows with these facts in mind.
Facts:US population 334 million consisting of 57.8% white, 18.7% Latino, 12.1% Black and 11.4% Asian or other.
 
Then break that down to about 10% of all existing marriages that are interracial including those of all races, and only 4.9% of the population that identifies as LGBT. You would expect the same ratios in TV commercials if they represented America but here’s what you see instead, taken from a log of TV commercials over a 4-month period, which is quite different.
 
For TV, white men as the majority of Americans have all but disappeared. When they are in commercials, they are either old, ugly and sick or they are the partner of a black woman and have no speaking part. In 3 of the commercials the white men are doing laundry and always paired with a little girl to whom they are delivering the clean clothes. In other words, less than 10% of the population is driving 90% of the narrative.
 
There were zero commercials of White fathers and sons. None! So while 75% of white children live with both their parents, including their fathers, we choose instead not to model that in favor of the 62% of black children that do not live in a two parent household? This is our new normal in their eyes? As acceptable? Is this the healthy “normal” image we want to model to our population?
 
Equally disturbing, young white boys and teens have also disappeared, unless they were flagrantly new age gay, as though that represents the “majority” instead of the pitifully small minority. What distorted perception of reality does that serve? The study found a majority of the children were white girls with a black “brother” even though this represents the smallest percentage of any reality discussed thus far! The MAJORITY of TV commercial couples consist of a white woman with a black man, when in reality these make up about 6% of the 30% of blacks that are married or about 2% of our population. Are you starting to see how ridiculous, yet pervasive this extraordinary brainwashing is? Exactly what are they trying to program into us with this relentless deluge of non-reality?
 
Surprisingly, in the month of December there was an uptick (but not a majority) in good looking white male models, but research determined that in each and every case it was a cologne commercial and every one of those commercials were made in Europe where they still use white men in their commercials. Here, on the other hand, they prefer to portray young white males as so mind-numbingly stupid as being incapable of delivering their lines and couldn’t even say “Liberty Mutual”, the insurance company featured in the commercial.
 
Over a period of 4 months, it concluded that while the African American population in America is only 12%, they were in 94.3% of the commercials. Black males are only 5% of our population yet were in 89.7% of the ads. Then you have to ask, where are the Asians and Latino’s that make up nearly THREE TIMES the black population? Are they in THREE TIMES the number of ads or is something severely skewed here in the minds of Hollywood and Madison Avenue?
 
The fact is that while white males make up the largest segment of our population, they were in only in 4% of the TV commercials! In most of those cases they are in their 60’s to 80’s and were pushing medication for debilitating diseases, reverse mortgages (Tom Selleck) or Medicare plans. While the study had many, many more alarming facts, one that really stands out is that virtually every ad campaign for new cars featured a woman driver except for Lincoln. In the commercials for automobiles there were more black women drivers than white women. Again, Europe was the exception here where Mercedes and BMW had NO VISIBLE DRIVERS!! They showed the cars cruising highways but never allowed a view where the driver was visible. I found that very interesting. Are they more interested in selling the product while we appear to be more interested in selling the political/racial message?
 
And it is not just our commercials that offer this skewed media driven unreality. It is also nearly impossible to turn on a show that doesn’t have a gay couple or LGBT component, yet in reality only one in eighteen should, if they want to accurately represent the less than 4.9% of the population that fall in this group. The results of this brainwashing are dramatic and very successful. Despite the low percentage in real life, when polled, Americans have been brainwashed to believe that 24% of all Americans are LGBT! Based on commercials, they must also believe that the “average” American family is biracial, that white men barely exist, and Latinos/Asians do not exist at all.
 
That is the magic and the tragedy of the fake, dishonest and unrealistic “woke” TV that we watch and are affected by 24/7, even though it is far afield from our reality. Ditto for the “woke” minority that follow mindlessly in its wake, thinking that this bizarre narrative is in fact real or justified, when it is merely an illusion and fabrication. They truly do control our entire thought process and will distort our perception of reality, if we allow them to.
 
While it is one thing to erase the stigma of single parenthood, bi-racialism, or unusual sexual preferences, it is another thing completely to portray them as the “Role Model” or “Norm”, as representative of our entire society, especially at the expense of true normality or realism. In this case, it looks like White, Latino, Asian and straight lives don’t matter according to them, and Black privilege with a side of LGBT has taken us over! Keep your head and don’t fall for it.

Thanks for tuning in today and for all you do for me.  Love and happiness to you all.  Until next time.

It’s Monday morning.  You guys should be in the middle of reading the last edition and I’m starting this one.  It’s President’s Day…sure wish we had one.  Watching the news on TV, which is always a mistake and they are talking about world effecting events; a fight at a basketball game, someone won a car race, and officially, we aren’t sure what COVID is going to do.

Well, I’m sure what I’m going to do.  I’m going to find something to laugh about.  I think I’m going to take Izzy to go see the movie Dog, which looks pretty good.  Mrs. Dragon and I used to love going to the movie, so tonight might be interesting, so we’ll see.  I’ll let you guys know.

But, for now, let’s throw some laughter out there, then I have some housework to get to.

That’s a whole lot less subtle than a sock on the door handle.

Why did the dragon stop fighting knights?

He was sick of canned food.

Or even deserves to have an opinion?

This is from Leah and it’s actually quite beautiful:

I sat with my anger long enough,
until he told me his real name was grief.

I burned 2,000 calories today!

That’s the last time I leave a pan of brownies in the oven while I take a nap.

From page 26 … as your pet dragon gets older, getting them a drink can become more problematic…

Me:  Hi, my name is Matt and I’m an alcoholic.

AAA:  Sir, this is triple A

Me:  I know.  I’m explaining why my car’s in the lake.

When they want to borrow it, it’s life or death…

But, when it’s time to pay it back, it’s hide and seek.

“DO NOT TOUCH”

Must be the scariest thing to read in Braille.

Yeah…I got nuthin’

And his funeral is next Saturday…

I couldn’t afford an Ancestry DNA kit.  So I announced I had won the Lottery and soon found out who all my relatives were.

Experience is the hardest kind of teacher.  It gives you the test first and the lesson afterward. ~ Oscar Wilde

Tomorrow, Tuesday, which is two days ago for you guys, will be 2’s day.  It will be February 22, 2022 or 2/22/2022 and at two, twenty-two and twenty-two seconds in the afternoon it will be 2:22:22 on 2/22/2022 and at eight, twenty-two and twenty-two seconds in the evening on a twenty-four hour clock it will be 2022:22 on 02/22/2022 or written out in a strictly military numeric format it would be 20220222202222 (year, month, day, hour, minute, second).  Yes, I am a nerd, but this excites me!

Getting old is weird because you’re still that same enthusiastic kid trapped in a shitshow of a body.

Funny thing about getting older:  Your eyesight starts getting weaker but your ability to see through people’s bullshit gets much better.

The Grocery Stores look like they need to go to the Grocery Store.

What’s the best euphemism for telling people that they’re stupid?  

Sharp as a marble, that one. 

Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. 

At this point, you can only impress me. 

I expected nothing, but I’m still disappointed. 

The bar was on the ground and you brought a shovel. 

They only have two brain cells and both of them are fighting for third place.

We old men are fond of giving good advice, to console ourselves for being no loner in the position to give bad examples.

People who think laughter is the best medicine apparently have never had morphine.

Sometimes I think I should eat healthier but then I remember that one time Adam and Eve ate an apple and doomed all of humanity.

And that my friends is that for another day.  Love and happiness to you all.

So, it’s Saturday morning, it’s President’s Day weekend, Russia is about to invade Ukraine, COVID is about to be over, the weather here won’t make up it’s damn mind, blizzard mode two days ago and 60 degrees on Sunday…which is yesterday for you guys reading this. 

And now, all you hear on TV around here is that we are now “less than 100 days from the Greatest Spectacle in Racing”  The 106th running of the Indy 500!  Oh for crying-out-loud.  That means for the next 3 months that’s all we’re going to hear, over and over and over again.  Then they’ll go right into the Brickyard 500.  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not that I dislike car racing, I’m just not that big of a fan like a lot of other people are around here. 

Anyway, let’s move on to the laughter portion of our program and see what else comes up over the weekend and talk about it as it comes up.

Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I’m describing him.

Waaaayyyyy too funny!  Of course, it’s from the Babylon Bee!

Why do we need farmers when we have supermarkets?  Heard this in real life and it blew my mind.

He’s actually not bad, but I did beat him.

Was in a maternity class with my wife.  One of the husbands was an endless source of amazing comments.  My favorite was while on the topic of breastfeeding.  “So, do you just poke holes in them or what?”  There was a very long, very shocked pause from the instructor before she explained it to him.

This is second hand from a diving guide in Bermuda: “How far do you have to dive to get under the island?”

That dragon is about ready to eat his ass!

Me:  I should sleep, it’s late, I’m gonna hate myself in the morning.  

Me to Me:  You already hate yourself, watch the next episode.

I just asked myself if I’m crazy…

And we all said no.

I’m so out of shape that if somebody yells, Run For Your Life!  I’ll be like, you guys go on ahead, I’m going to meet Jesus.

Imagine finding a dragon egg one day, and it hatches in your house and thinks you’re it’s mom.  Then the next morning you wake up and find this mini dragon has gathered all the lose change and shiny objects in your house in a pile, and is gnawing on a nickel.  And then when you take it out for walks, it picks up every coin it sees because it’s a hoarder.  And your house is eventually full of coins.  And you are rich.  And have a dragon.

Irony or just sarcasm?

It’s a short list, but fun

60 may be the new 40
But the 100 dollar bill is now the new 20

And that is the truth!  And with that we will call it a day.  Love and happiness to you all.  Until we meet again.

Good Morning Campers,
It’s the weekend.  And I got nuthin’ to open with. 
We are getting weather again.  First it got warm and all the snow melted and started the flooding, then it started raining and added to the flooding, and then the rain turned to sleet and freezing rain and ice and then snow and froze all the flooding and put a nice layer of snow on top of all the frozen flooding and … well … northern Indiana is an interesting place to live right now.
Izzy Dragon has a doctor appointment and a counselor appointment back to back this afternoon so I’ll have a long boring afternoon, so I guess I really need to laugh more than most today.  If we can even get out with the ice and snow.  I guess we’ll see.  In the mean time …

Friggin’ Pete had some good advice for us for Valentine’s Day that I missed.  Wished I had seen this a couple of days ago, but it’s still good advice.

I’m not all that upset that I don’t have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. Hell, I didn’t have a Groundhog On Groundhog’s Day either and I made it through just fine….

Really good advice.  And you know, Monday is President’s Day and we don’t have one of those, either.

Thankyouverymuch, I’ll be here all week!!!

 

Here’s some good advice from Joe L.  

 Hi Everyone,

I strongly suggest carefully inspecting the box of any tool. There have been a number of instances where a tool was returned and the store put it back on the shelf.

I ran into this recently at a big box store when I bought a DeWalt biscuit joiner. There was only one on the shelf and I was going to take it. The young man helping me did not care if I opened the box to check. It had wear marks on the bottom plate and one accessory was missing. They did have one more but it was on the very top of the storage shelf. He got the big ladder and got it for me. Seemed to be factory sealed so I didn’t open it. I checked it as soon as I got home and everything was fine. Correct parts were also there.

If you buy a tool, don’t just put it away in the garage. Open the box right away and make sure it looks new. If you wait a few months to do this, the store may not accept the return. Apparently, people are buying items, using them for their project and returning them. Be careful.

…Joe

Good advice!  Caveat emptor!

One of the toughest jobs I EVER had.  Babysitting.

TO ERR IS HUMAN
To Blame It On Someone Else
Shows Management Potential

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits.  The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Just because it’s interesting and beautiful.

Nice!

I have put a lot of thought into it and I just don’t think being an adult is gonna work for me.

EXERCISE makes you look better naked.
So does WINE.
Your Choice.

I OFTEN WORRY ABOUT THE SAFETY OF MY CHILDREN

Especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me and talking back right now.

LAZY is such an ugly word.
I prefer the term Selective Participation.

“It’s not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would rather you weren’t doing it.”

I hate when people ask me what I did yesterday.  I don’t know…I breathed a lot.  Probably got mad at something…Sighed heavily.  The list goes on.

One thing no one ever talks about when it comes to being an adult, is how much time we debate keeping a cardboard box because it’s, you know… a really good box.

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.  No one else cares.  Why should you?

He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armor shouting, “All the Gods are bastards!”

I leave my house a mess so when friends visit they go home feeling better about their own housekeeping skills.

I’m just that good of a friend.

Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning, or possibly just a very hairy guy.

Either way, the silver bullets worked.

And that my dear friends is that.
May your days be filled with love and happiness.

Lots of things to talk about this morning. 

Clinton paid to infiltrate Trump servers to make it look like Trump was working with Russia.  Both in the Whitehouse and at his home.  First of all, she couldn’t have done that without the FBI’s help.  What a clusterfuck this is turning out to be!  And it turns out the President Trump was right all along!  More to come on that one.

And Los Angeles wins the Super Bowl.  Dammit.  I didn’t really expect the Bengals to win, but a guy can hope, right?  And the Bengals did get away with a really blatant facemask foul that earned them a touchdown, so … there is that.  But, all’s well that ends well, I guess.  Had Cincinnati won, everyone would have been screaming over that foul.  As it is now, it’s just a conversation piece.

So, I guess we can get started on our regular stuff now, I don’t have anything else to talk about at the moment.  I’m sure that will change.

Anyone who has ever had a sleep study done (I’ve had several) knows how accurate this cartoon really is.  And knows how impossibly hard following those simple instructions really are.  “Sleep normally.”  My ass!

This next one is very odd, yet somehow it touches my soul…

Just too fucking weird

I’m amazed how many women will keep going back to that man who has hurt them and screwed up their life a thousand times over but …

they refuse to go back to that lady who screwed up their haircut one time …

Just wrong on SO many levels.

“Yeah, sure.  I’ve got a light.”

Be careful who you let on your ship because some people will sink the whole ship just because they can’t be the captain.

“Do you want to pet my pussy?” 

Yes, I know it’s lame, but I’m still not operating with all my brain cells…

Me: [hears baby crying in the night] I’ll go  

Wife:  Thank you.  

Me:  [grabbing suitcase] I’ll be back by the weekend

I love when I make deals with myself like I don’t know I’m 100% full of shit.

Gotta love the math jokes.

My posts aren’t targeted at anyone specifically, but if you feel offended, I’m glad I could reach one person.

Everyone loves the honest person, until the honest person strikes a chord with a truth they were not ready to receive.

And he has the nerve to say he has the best economic growth in history.

So…lots of crack pipe jokes in this bunch.  Shows what is currently going around the internet.

Out of all the lies I’ve told
“Just Kidding”
is my favorite

Don’t you just love it when karma bites them in the ass?

And another…

I remember reading this story of this guy who met his wife at a Star Trek convention bus she spoke Portuguese and he spoke French, but they both could speak Klingon and that’s how they communicated through the first few months of their relationship until they learned each other’s languages.

I see we’re going to do a few more of these..

Yesterday I was cooking dinner and my son came up to me and said, “Someday I’ll work and help you with groceries, bills, and house expenses.”  My eyes started to tear up…my baby will be 32 next month!

And that’s if for today dear friends and family.  Love and happiness to you all.  Until we play again.