That’s right, today is Labor Day! The day we celebrate … um … Labor!

No…

Um…

We celebrate the Working Class!

Do we?

Hmmm, let’s see, looking up Labor Day, honoring workers, vital contribution, hard work and dedication, Labor movement, safe work environment, hard-won benefits, 8-hour work day, weekends off, paid leave…

Yeah, all great stuff.  All worth celebrating. And yet the sarcastic side of me is saying, then why are there people who are looking for minimum wage to be $20 to $25 an hour? So that the price of a burger at McDonald’s will be astronomical or better yet, there won’t BE any high school jobs at McDonald’s because all the jobs will be replaced by robots, like they are trying to do in so many places.  

I may just be in a mood today and perhaps should work on this later, but … let’s go ahead and get it started and see where we go from here, so … 

QUIZ CONTESTANTS

The Weakest Link

Anne Robinson: In traffic, what “J” is where two roads meet? 
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Robinson: Wh…?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!

Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling
entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written 
by Matthew, Mark, Luke and…?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?



 
The Afternoon Programme Quiz

Presenter: Who killed Cock Robin?
Contestant: Oh God, I didn’t even know he was dead.



Lincs FM phone-in

Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? 
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in
Spain.


 
Steve Wright Show, Radio 2

Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it’s not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.



This Morning

Judy Finnegan: The American TV show ‘The Sopranos’ is about opera. True 
or false?
Contestant: True?
Finnegan: No, actually, it’s about the Mafia. But it is an American TV 
show, so I’ll give you that.



BBC Radio Newcastle

Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel
last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.



Bob Hope Birthday Quiz, LBC

Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four.


 
BBC GMR, Phil Wood Show

Wood: What “K” could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er…
Wood:  It’s got two syllables… Kor…
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood:  Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run…
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood:  OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I…
Contestant: Walked?



Daryl’s Drivetime, Virgin Radio

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

Mary and her husband were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy morning.  

He suddenly said, ‘Mary, if I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.’ 

‘Now why would you want me to do something like that?’ Mary asked. 

‘I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff….’ 

‘What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?”

Maryland Laws

It’s illegal to play Randy Newman’s “Short People” on the radio.

“If you’re going to work here young man, ” said the boss, “the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm.” 

“Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?”

“Oh, yes, sir.” responded the young man.

“And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat.” said the boss. 

QUIZ CONTESTANTS CONTINUED

National Lottery Jet Set

Eamonn Holmes: What’s the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.? 
Contestant: William Shakespeare.


 
Chris Searle Show, BBC Radio Bristol

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again. 
Caller: Er… Mexico?



Family Fortunes

1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword

2) A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon

3) Name the Capital of France? F

4) Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell

5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar

6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital

7) What is Hitlers first name? Heil

8) A famous Scotsman? Jock

9) Some famous brothers? Bonnie and Clyde.

10) A dangerous race? The Arabs

11) Something that floats in a bath? Water

12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? A horse

13) Something you wear on a beach? A deckchair

14) A famous Royal? Mail

15) Something that flies that doesn’t have an engine? A bicycle with wings 

16) A famous bridge? The Bridge Over Troubled Waters

17) Something a cat does ? Goes to the Toilet

18) Something you do in the bathroom?  Decorate

19) A method of securing your home?  Put the kettle on

20) Something associated with pigs?  The Police

21) A sign of the Zodiac?  April

22) Something people might be allergic to? Skiing

23) Something you do before you go to bed? Sleep

24) Something you put on walls? A roof

25) Something Slippery? A conman

26) A kind of ache? A fillet of fish

27) A Jacket Potato topping?  Jam

28) A food that can be brown or white?  A potato

29) Something sold by gypsies? Bananas

30) Something Red? My sweater

This story was sent in by Joe and said it was an oldie, but I heard that it was a true story. I’m not 100% sure, but sure enough because of the size of the stones on this guy.

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. 

He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. 

He especially wanted to thank the bride’s and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. 

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. 

So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. 

Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. 

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. 

After just standing there, just watching the guests’ reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, “F— you!”. 

Then he turned to his bride and said, “F— you!” 

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, “I’m outta here.” 

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. 

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. 

His revenge…making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. 

This guy has balls the size of church bells. 

Do you think we might get a MasterCard “priceless” commercial out of this? 


Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends……..$32,000. 

Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion…………………..$3,000. 

Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui……………….$8,500. 

The look on everyone’s face when they see the 8×10 glossy of the bride doing the best man………….Priceless. 

There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s 

MASTERCARD 

Oxymorons

State worker 

Legally drunk 

Exact estimate 

Act naturally 

Found missing 

Resident alien 

Genuine imitation 

Airline Food 

Good grief 

Government organization 

Sanitary landfill 

Alone together 

Small crowd 

Business ethics 

Soft rock 

Butt Head 

Military Intelligence 

Sweet sorrow 

Happily married 

“Now, then…” 

Passive aggression 

Clearly misunderstood 

Peace force 

Extinct Life 

Plastic glasses 

Terribly pleased 

Computer security 

Political science 

Tight slacks 

Definite maybe 

Pretty ugly 

Rap music 

Working vacation 

Microsoft Works 

Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit. 

As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. 

On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. 

On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.

“Why don’t you use an old ball?” his friend Sam asked.

“I’ve never had an old ball,” Morris said.

And that’s it for Monday, Labor Day. Go relax. Enjoy the rest of the day. I hope this was a happy part of it. May God Bless you and keep you and watch over and protect you until we can meet again. My love to you all.