Okay, so I’ve been starting this off lately with things that have been going wrong. And I’d like to change that. As you know, last week I spent Thursday evening in the Emergency Room. That was one week ago today (as I’m writing this, not as you guys are reading this) and some significant things have taken place since then.
First of all, I stopped taking the antidepressants cold turkey … You can’t do that Impish! Well, I did. My doctor said that I could try a different one and I said no.
Secondly, I am forcing myself to eat regular, or at least semi-regular meals. The problem is, that I really just don’t give a shit about eating. I’m continuing to lose weight, probably too much weight too fast and it might be hurting me. So, I’ve decided to try to eat better, if not well.
Thirdly, I got a VERY special comment from Marsha that, before you go looking for it, was so special and so personal, I didn’t approve (did you guys know that I have to approve every comment?) and deleted and answered her in an email and rambled on quite a while, that really touched me quite deeply.
Fourthly, on Wednesday I had one of the best conversations with my counselor/therapist that I’ve had. I left feeling better about things than I have felt since my dearest passed. My heart was lifted, at least a little bit and consequently, Wednesday night, when I slept, I actually dreamed, for the first time since. I dreamed and remembered that I dreamed, which means I attained REM sleep, which means I actually GOT REST! A true accomplishment.
Which means lastly, I am actually feeling better today, Thursday, then I have felt since … well … in a really long, long time. I have no worries about Mrs. Dragon’s health and medical bills (more about that in a second) and well, my (somewhat) positive attitude is starting to return and I feel pretty good today. More clear headed and stuff than I felt in a long time.
Now, Izzy Dragon and I were at the hospital the other day getting her some routine lab work done and I stopped in at the financial office and asked about remaining bills for Mrs. Dragon since I haven’t received the spectacular medical bill for her ICU stay yet and I was told that there is still a $34,000 bill out there waiting at my insurance company to be paid. And I know what the hold up is, the short story is they are idiots and there is no need to go into a longer explanation because you wouldn’t believe it other than the fact that they’re an insurance company so you WOULD believe it, so even if my part is just 10%, which you know will be MORE than that … well … let’s just say that me and the hospital are going to have to come to some sort of an understanding. Plus my hip surgery is next month, so you know there will be co-pays with that … BUT, I’m going to stick by the same guns I always stuck by (and now I’m going to cry), God has ALWAYS made sure that WE had a way through, one way or another. And even though I still don’t know WHY he took my Mary from me, I know that He only wants what’s best for me. Like any Father would for His child. Just like I KNOW He is not going to have a way forward for me now.
So, much better times and spirits today, so why don’t we celebrate with some laughter and bring a little of that joy and splendor into other people’s lives? And thanks, Marsha.
I’ve convinced the youngster at work the very same thing.
Let me tell you something…
People think that cloning is easy, but bringing back that furry, extinct elephant would be a mammoth project.
I ordered a hot fudge sundae one time at DQ and said I wanted extra hot fudge and the guy said it only came in one temperature.
I love when someone takes an every day product and does an outstandingly out-of-bounds review! If you think this one was good, stay tuned for a few more that are coming up!
Oh, and you can thank Dearest Stephanie for sending these in!
A Sunday School teacher asked the children, “Who was upset that the younger brother had returned?”
One of the children answered, “The fattened calf.”
When you and your bros all still have their work clothes on and stop at the bar on the way home from work.
If alcohol can cause damage to short term memory…
imagine the damage alcohol can do.
Please don’t ride with me if you’re going to grab the dash or scream every time we run off the road. It makes me nervous.
Not that I had any doubt in MY mind…
…but the poster does make it easier to point out to other people.
And the girls still dressed in their work clothes at the bar…
And the ambulance only took 15 minutes to arrive.
I’m not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you.
I just had a really tasty leg of salmon and I feel fine…
I’m not saying I don’t like you…
…I’m saying I would unplug your life support to make a pot of coffee
I came from a generation where “Keep Talking” meant you better shut up!
Yup, I know we just did one, but it was a different list.
What did E.T.’s mother say to him when he got home?
“Where on Earth have you been?!”
This one is from Jonathon and it’s called Understanding Father…
A young co-ed in her sophomore year of college was sitting in the library, recapping her sex life to her friends over text.
She wrote out a long text explaining her escapades–how she met this guy and went over to his place at 3 am, how they hooked up, etc. And then pressed send – only to look down and realize she had sent it to her mom instead of her friend, Monica (Mom and Monica are dangerously close together in her phone book, apparently).
She immediately sent her mother a text, telling her not to read it, but it was too late. She already had. She obviously went straight to her dad to tell him what I was up to at college and how horrified she was.
His answer: ‘She’s just young!’
Always!
And that my dear friends brings us to the close of another issue. Too soon done. Much love and happiness to you all until we meet again.
So, I feel 1,000% better, thank you berry much! And thank you to all of you who wrote to send good wishes and prayers and all that stuff. Very deeply appreciate each and every one of them and you.
It is now Tuesday and Izzy and I have been running around for the last two days like Chickens with our heads cut off (which is really a horrible analogy?…simile? … I don’t know which it is, but it sucks. But, one of the things we got to do was to go to this flea market in between appointments yesterday and I got the coolest thing! It’s a Dragon head incense burner! Here, look:
Okay, so it’s not the greatest picture I’ve ever taken, and that is smoke coming out of his nostrils, but it’s much better in person.
Anyway, let’s get started on the laughter and we can talk about the other stuff later.
Once you hit 50, you gotta sit on the edge of the bed and warm up, like an old Buick, before you get up.
I saw a microbiologist today.
He was much bigger than I expected.
I’m actually pretty attractive…
…if you don’t look at me.
Even moms are making cakes that look like me!
I’m pretty sure you have to be “of a certain age” to get that one, too.
We all have that one friend that has no idea how to whisper
I have SO MANY of those. And a daughter dragon!
How incredibly horrible as a society do we have to be to require this sign on the side of a pizza box?
I know, right!
Friggin’ Awesome!!!!
And tattoos of me!!!
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
My darling Mary, I’ll always remember our special night…
I haven’t sold a single copy of my autobiography.
That’s the story of my life.
Okay, I’ve cleared my cache of cookies.
But I don’t see how eating 300 Oreos is going to make my computer work better.
This next one was obviously written by a woman…
They say that every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by two minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.
I don’t think there will be any men who will argue with me on this, and I think there will be several women who will.
I think you have to be of a certain age to get this one, too.
Nobody likes to be around the “One-Up” friend. Your day was hard, their day was harder. You got a good job, their job is better. You got 5 bands, they got 6. You went to Tennessee, the went to Elevennessee.
Checked my friend into a Rehab Center for his addiction to placebos.
So, I owe you an explanation as to why there was no Dragon Laffs on Saturday. It started with Thursday afternoon/evening and me spending five hours in the Emergency Room of the local hospital. Not my usual hospital, which is about 30 minutes away, which is the one I trust, but the local one, the one I don’t trust, the one I said I wouldn’t send my worst enemy to.
Why? You might ask?
And ask you well might.
Because I had fairly well convinced myself that I was having a heart attack.
But, Impish, I thought you said you had the heart of a 19-year-old.
Well, as it turns out … I do. Let me ‘splain.
I have been feeling light-headed, dizzy, groggy and just plain out of it for the past couple of days. On Thursday it was bad enough that I went home early. Slight chest pain and nausea with some difficulty breathing. I got home and laid down and just thought I ought to take my blood pressure. So I broke out Mary’s old blood pressure machine and it registered me as 79/35.
I fucking freaked.
Mini panic attack, right then and there.
Heart palpitations the whole nine yards. Grabbed Izzy Dragon, locked up the dogs, we’re going to the hospital, right now!
I drove, Izzy doesn’t drive. Panting the whole way. Now, I’m convinced that I have pain in my chest, it’s hard to breathe, light-headedness is worse. Really working myself into this.
Got to the ER in about 10 minutes. Went to that one because it’s so close, figured any ER should be able to handle a heart attack, right? They got me in the back right away, hooked me up to the EKG, took a test, took my blood pressure … “Mr. Dragon … um … your EKG is picture perfect and … um … your blood pressure is 120/69, also perfect. Sir, you have the heart of …”
“A nineteen year-old.”
“Well, I was going to say a twenty-one year-old, but we can go with nineteen if you like.”
So, long story, not as long as the five hours I spent there. They drew blood and ran some heart enzyme tests, took a chest x-ray, did some other labs, and here’s what they came up with:
#1 The antidepressants STRONGLY overreacted with some of the other meds I’ve been taking and they kicked my ass.
#2 It’s possible my blood pressure medication that I’ve been on for years and years is now a bit too strong for me now that I’ve lost 100 pounds and it drove my blood pressure down. Need to reevaluate with my primary doctor.
#3 I have arthritis. I have pain throughout my body. When I thought I was having heart problems, I focused on the pain that is always in my chest and it became more than it is.
#4 The difficulty breathing was panic. I was having a panic attack, which has never happened to me before, but I have also never had this kind of grief and depression before, either.
So, the final outcome is that I am off those antidepressants and should be relatively back to normal by the time you are reading this. I am a fucked up mess over all. And I spent Thursday night and all day Friday recovering, so no DL on Saturday. I did find a Grief Group to attend starting in the second week of May and today, being Saturday, I actually got up and mowed the lawn, which was beginning to look like a jungle, so…well on the way to recovery. Still a tiny bit light headed, so no chainsaws or backhoes in my future, otherwise I think I’m doing okay.
One other thing before we get started on the laughter today. I do want you guys to send your prayers up for my brother the Owl. He’s back in the hospital after having his second kidney surgery. Seems he’s got some post surgery infection going on and it could be serious. He’s not doing well and needs all the prayers and well wishes that he can get. Thanks. You guys are the best!
NOW…
7-Year-Old: Dad! Dad!
Me: What?
7YO: What if Bigfoot is just a Wookiee who got lost?
Me: [Leans in close] Tell me more…
My friend told me she wouldn’t eat beef tongue cause it came out of a cow’s mouth.
So I gave her an egg.
Just overheard my 54 year old dad tell my 58 year old aunt, “Don’t tell mom.”
So, apparently that’s a lifelong thing.
Baby Impish Dragon.
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit, “What’ll ya have?”
The rabbit replies, “I dunno. I’m only here because of Autocorrect.”
So, even ex-girlfriends and Ex-wives get their pictures in DL every now and again…
I wish these people who claim I’m “disconnected from reality” would just get off my spaceship.
You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid, who acts just like you.
People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.
You know you’re getting old when “Friends with Benefits” means having someone who can drive at night.
I do all my own stunts … but never intentionally.
Damn, I feel old, too Stephanie!
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
I now have Heinzsight.
May your day be filled with peace and love and happiness.
And it’s Thursday, the Gateway to the weekend. One more day of work and then the weekend is here! I’d say I can hardly wait, but … I really can. Wait that is. I have no plans and I think I need some. Sometimes the weekends are the hardest. But, for now, I guess it’s just you and me. So, let’s put some laughter down, shall we?
Just a gentle reminder that not every day “has to count”. Some days are about just making it to the next one. That counts, too.
The fitness trainer asked me, “What kind of squat are you accustomed to doing?”
I said, “Diddly.”
We live in a world where your kid cannot pretend to be an Indian. But a grown man can pretend to be a woman.
Best friends forever.
I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted, it was for my lawn mower, but I am trying to stay positive here.
I’ve always wondered if songbirds get mad at hummingbirds for not knowing the words.
Please do not wear flip flops if your feet look like you could swoop out of the sky and snatch your dinner from a lake.
Pest Extermination is one of the more difficult professions at Dragon Laffs, Inc.
I’ve never related more to a news story than the lost hiker who didn’t pick up for rescuers because it was an unknown number.
I completely empathize with this pooch!
I can’t believe it either.
They say, “Don’t try this at home” so I’m coming over to your house to try it.
The number of people who confuse “to” and “too” is amazing two me.
The truth behind the sinking of the Titanic.
Musicians are just therapists that you can party with.
Me: Can I drink alcohol on this medication?
Doctor: Well, one drink is gonna feel like you’ve had 4 …
Me: Oh, so I’m saving money!!
One who points out your flaws is not necessarily your enemy; the one who always compliments you is not necessarily your friend.
I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actress…
Two little boys were at a wedding when one leaned over to the other and asked, “How many wives can a man have?”
His friend answered, “Sixteen…four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer.”
Mom: If a stranger came up to you and said, “I’m your mom’s friend, she told me to pick you up.” What would you say?
Kid: I’d say, “You’re lying. My mom has no friends.”
Mom: Not where I was going, but OK.
Helen Waite is in charge of our complaint department. If you have a complaint you can go to Helen Waite!
And that’s it for today my friends. Love and happiness to you all.
Well, I spent the day teaching today … and … I ended up doing something to my damn hip. Screwed it up bad. To the point that I can barely walk. The problem is that I’m not sure how the hell I did it. No twisting, no falling, no hurting…it just sort of started. And it got worse and worse until I could barely walk. Now, it is hurting the heck out of me…and it sucks!
So, naturally, what we need to do is laugh.
As hard and as long as we can.
We laugh so we don’t have to cry.
Girls should stop saying “All men are the same”. No one asked you to try them all.
Today I tried non-alcoholic beer…
it was like watching porn on the radio.
The next person who walks out of my life, I’m going with them.
I’m sick of my shit, too.
Makes perfect sense…
Even best friends don’t see eye-to-eye all the time.
We need to see THAT sign in the window of more stores.
LUV THE IRISH 🍀
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Elderly Irish cop.
He thinks that he is smarter than the old cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop’s expense!
The old Irish cop says, “License and registration, please.”
London Lawyer says, “What for?”
Irish cop says, “Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
The old Irish cop says, “Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please”
London Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”
Irish cop says, “The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”
London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”
The old cop says, “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.”
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The od cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, “Daeye want me to stop or just slow down?”
It is a beautiful frame.
Let’s do some of this…
kris72663
6 days ago
Dragon Laffs #2013
I’m a big proponent of antidepressants. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you need help. Nobody is saying you have to stay on them forever. There are newer meds out there – much better than Prozac. The meds will help you get over the hump. Think about it.
Thanks Kris, as I think I mentioned, as of your reading of this I’ve been on the new meds for almost a week now. I haven’t noticed any improvement, but I guess I’m not supposed to for a couple more weeks yet. So … good fun. I’ll let you guys know how it’s going.
Hippogal
3 days ago
Dragon Laffs #2014
Hang in there, Dragon. Love and respect from Australia. ❤
Thanks Hippogal. Another Aussie heard from! I truly appreciate the encouraging words. Cheers!
Leah D.
3 days ago
Dragon Laffs #2014
DIY WARNING! Had to buy a new water heater, which my husband has done many times over the years, hauled it home and installed it. I told him he is too old, so this time, have them deliver and put in. They said $900 for heater, $700 for install. $3,099.00 later, we learned the codes had changed over the years he did it himself, now we had to put in bigger vent pipes, more earthquake straps, and other things I couldn’t understand. I’m back in hot water . . . with the bank this time!
Oh Dear Leah, it’s always something exciting with you! I’m sorry it went such an expensive route and I really can’t think of a silver lining except that now it’s done. Be well dear friend.
Boy, that’s true, enough!
John S. sent me this really humorous article that he found on MSN titled:
Massachusetts Man Convicted For Backyard Helicopter Operation
With traffic congestion a real problem, people can get pretty creative so they don’t have to sit on crowded roadways. Lest you think buying a helicopter and flying it out of your backyard is a good solution, learn from the mistakes of a man in East Brookfield, Massachusetts who got caught doing just that. Now he’s paying the price for not following federal aviation rules.
Dragon Laffs 
kris72663
6 days ago