So, since we’ve talked last, I’ve had my first post-op visit to the surgeon’s office.  I’ve had my first out-patient visit to the physical therapist.  I’ve had my second Grief Group visit since my surgery.  And reading that it sounds like I’m a busy boy.  And I suppose in some respects I am, but in others I’m really not.  I feel like I’m neglecting stuff for not being at work.  And I almost feel like I’m hiding out at home.  I do need to get out more.  And not just going to an appointment.  I hope we have darts tournament soon.  That would be a good thing to get out for. 

But, I need to get out for something. 

So,  I guess that’s my goal for the upcoming week. 

But, for now, since it’s already so late (Wednesday evening) let’s go ahead and get THIS ISSUE working and worry about other issues for later., shall we?

It is so hot outside I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.

I miss the old days when billionaires vanity projects were to build public libraries, museums and music venues.

I have always licked my knife when I’ve finished.  This gets some very shocked looks from the other surgeons.

I can’t possibly be the only one who thinks this is crazy?  Kroger, you are really disappointing me here.  And why Swirled red velvet and cheesecake flavored?  Can someone explain THAT ONE?

“Marco!”

“Polo!”

Self-made?

This one again is from Stephanie (of course) and the only thing I’m going to say about it is the same thing that our dear Stephanie said about it, “And the idiots that design this crap are wealthy.” https://www.facebook.com/groups/1156193134887179/permalink/1377317792774711/?sfnsn=mo&ref=share

Thanks Steph.  Enjoy!

Works for me…NOT!

 

People with siblings have better survival skills because they’ve had experience in physical combat, psychological warfare, and sensing suspicious activity.

She loves this picture.  LOL!

I can’t believe it’s monkeypox season already.  I still have my Ukraine decorations up.

And you thought you knew the real story of Cinderella?

According to the sender, this chair once belonged to Vincent Price.

I have a pet manatee named Hugh.  I built him a house.  It’s a habitat for Hugh manatee.

That’s just friggin’ weird…

I just bought a crappy car that was made in Prague. 

The Czech engine light keeps coming on.

A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong. She’s failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her, and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack. The daughter says, “Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.”

“Here, have some cooking oil,” her Mother offers.

“Yuck” says her daughter.

“How about a couple raw eggs?”

“Gross, Mom!”

“Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?”

“Mom, those are all yucky!”

To which the mother replies, “Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves, but when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times, we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times, but God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

Hope your day is a “piece of cake!”

Sure…why not?

This is just a friendly reminder:  The planet earth is a dense molten core encased in a layer of solids and therefore is, technically speaking, a ravioli.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.

Hey, that was my nickname.

Let’s do some mail, that’s always a lot of fun!

Why is it that you don’t value your life more than I value my possessions?

Ancient massive ‘Dragon of Death’ flying reptile dug up in Argentina

BUENOS AIRES, May 23 (Reuters) – Argentine scientists discovered a new species of a huge flying reptile dubbed “The Dragon of Death” that lived 86 millions of years ago alongside dinosaurs, in a find shedding fresh insight on a predator whose body was as long as a yellow school bus.

So, it pisses me off when scientist dig up my relatives.  And despite what they say about him, he really wasn’t that bad.  I wouldn’t really call him the “Dragon of Death” at worst, he was the “Dragon of Mildly Antagonistic.”  But, if you want to read what the humans have to say about the subject, here’s the whole article link.https://www.reuters.com/business/environment/ancient-massive-dragon-death-flying-reptile-dug-up-argentina-2022-05-23/

Well, we made it to the end.  Not all of our issues addressed, but this issue put to bed.  I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had putting it together.  Thanks to all  of you who helped contributing to it.  Love and Happiness to you all.

So, let me start this story by reminding you that my house was built in 1900, which means that it is 122 years old.  Or, at least parts of it are.  Anyway, I had a rough night last night, and I think at least part of it was because of the age of my house.  So, I was laying in bed reading, just falling asleep, (my usual nighttime routine) when I started to hear a scrambling, scratching noise coming from the corner of the bedroom.  Which also happens to be the outside corner of the house.  It actually sounded like some animal was IN the corner of the room, behind the end table.  It is now after midnight.  I’m moving around the bedroom, in my nightshirt, with a cane and a flashlight.  Of course, nothing was in the corner of the room, so my next thought was that something was outside the house, scratching at the wall. 

So, I throw on a pair of shorts, go outside and beat the bushes near where the sound was coming from.  No animal comes running out and I don’t see signs of anything, although I imagine I look quite the sight at 1 am with a flashlight in my nightshirt and shorts and cane. 

Then, thinking that I might have chased it off by coming out the front door and just didn’t see him run off, I went back in my bedroom, sat quietly and listened and within a minute or two, heard the scritchy-scratching of little feet, AGAIN!!! 

The only other place it could be is in the basement.  Now, in order to get to the basement, you have to go through the trapdoor in the pantry floor.  And of course there is stuff ON the floor, like a 30 lb container of dog food.  So, with the bad hip and the heavy trap door, and my sudden anxiety over some huge raccoon or possum IN MY HOUSE, I had to wake up Izzy Dragon to not only help me move the stuff off the trapdoor, but to watch and make sure I could make it down the very steep basement stairs. 

Anyway, long story short, there was nothing in the basement, or up underneath the house.  So, putting everything back and apologizing to Izzy at what is now 2 am, we sat on my bed and listened in the corner and didn’t hear anything.  She is now quite convinced that her poor dad is crazy.  So, I sent her back to bed after thanking her for her help and laid there in bed listening for a noise that never came again.  I suppose it was somewhere near 3 am when I finally fell asleep again. 

Of course, Pepper Dragon and Willow Dragon both decided that Saturday morning was the morning they were NOT going to let me sleep in and thought that 0700 hrs. was the perfect time to start crying to go out.  Needless to say, poor old Impish is dragon ass this morning.  So, let’s get to laughing…

Shouldn’t be a problem.  But, speaking of mowing.  I actually went out today and very slowly and only partially completed, but actually went out and mowed my lawn today!  I have a ride-on mower, of course, or I couldn’t have done it.  I got the front yard mowed mostly because I was worried the city was going to start complaining.  I didn’t weed eat, so it still pretty much looks like crap out there, but the grass is knocked down and the Whelpling and grandkidlets will be over next weekend to help me fight through the jungle that the yard has become, so it’s at least that much done.  I did the close part of the backyard, just not the far backyard.  So, all is well for at least a week.

When I go to someone’s house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.

I don’t care how old I get.  If I’m in a store and I see a toy with “Try me” on it, I’m pushing those buttons.

Reminder:  April is Procrastination Awareness Month

Dragon Over Watch, Day 25: This is lonely duty I have planned for myself.  And I’ve come to find out that there isn’t a single pizza delivery service that delivers to this location.

Not a good example.  I am personally related to two unicorns and am proud to call a Leprechaun my brother, even though he has passed on to Heaven now.  He is still watching over us, all.  Love you Lethal.

What has four letters, occasionally has twelve letters, always has six letters, but never has five letters.

Don’t take my advice, because WE’LL end up drunk, in the middle of a cornfield, covered in MUD.

DON’T LET
anyone ever break your soul.  You have to stand on your own two feet and stand up for yourself.  There are those that would give anything to see you fail, but you must never give them the satisfaction.  Hold your head up high, smile and stand your own ground.

The annual Dragon Laffs Rodeo is something to behold.  You guys are all invited.

And I have several of those.

I’m too lazy to be a stalker.
You’ll have to come here.
And bring coffee.

I’m getting real sick of underwear and responsibilities.

What doesn’t kill us makes our drinks stronger.

I hate it when I’m mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.

“Expecting a trouble-free life because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge you because you are a vegetarian.” ~ Jeffrey R. Holland

Changed all my passwords to Kenny. 

Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.

Another link thanks to Stephanie.  This is a really cool experiment called: The Pitch Drop Experiment.

It’s not a long read, and down at the bottom is a link to go to the live feed.  Pretty cool in a VERY laidback sort of way: https://smp.uq.edu.au/pitch-drop-experiment#:~:text=We’re%20home%20to%20the,once%20used%20for%20waterproofing%20boats

Lynn writes and sends us some upsetting news.  She says she’s okay, but we still have to be concerned: 

Thanks everyone for your concern. 😓 First off, I’m OK, I was a bit shaken up though.

For those of you that aren’t aware, I was robbed at the Get Go Gas Station on 306 at 9 am today. After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Bainbridge Police Department. They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!

My money is gone. The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them “Yes, it was pump number 3”.

Lynn, we’ll keep you in our prayers.

Very scary thoughts.

I bet the people who voted for Biden are turning over in their graves.

Just told my husband that he was being a “Negative Nancy” and he told me “No, I’m being Reality Rick.”

Lasers were once a huge scientific breakthrough; now we use them to play with cats.

Computers were once a huge scientific breakthrough; now we use them to look at cats. 

Conclusion:  Science was made for cats.

Sitting in a recliner naked, watching a movie, eating ice cream and Doritos minding my own business, and Walmart feels the need to call the Cops?!?!

Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous!

Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet…

Okay, that is WAY cool!

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much knowledge and wisdom in our heads that there is no more room in there and it distributes it to the rest of our bodies.

So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously educated, cultured and happy.  Beginning today when I look in the mirror I will think: Good Grief…look how smart I am!

Today I saved $273.47 by not going to Target for Toothpaste.

MARRIAGE TIP #46 

Your wife won’t start an argument with you if you’re cleaning.

I made it back to Church this morning.  That was nice.  Couldn’t make it last week, it was just too early and too much after my surgery.  It was nice to be welcomed back and it was nice to be told I was missed last week.  Joe, you are very correct, there is a feeling of belonging at church.  It’s not a building, it’s a family.  You do not have to go to church to worship God or to talk to God, but it is nice to go someplace with like minded people.  The same reason tomorrow night I will be going to my Grief Group.  To go somewhere with like minded minded people to discuss like minded things.  Anyway…..that’s it for today my dear friends.  I hope you had as much fun reading this episode with issues as I had putting this issue with episodes together.  Much love and happiness to you all.

And now it’s Saturday.  Almost two weeks since my surgery.  You know, I can’t wait until the two weeks are up.  Then I can take off these silly compression hose on my legs.  Not that I really mind them, but I think they’ve been making me claustrophobic at night when I lay down to go to sleep.  Now, here me out.  I know how silly it sounds.  I wear a mask for a living, right? 

But, at night, I wear a CPAP, a chin strap to keep my mouth shut, my legs are trapped under the blankets and I can’t move much because of the hip thing, and then the pressure of the compression hose on my legs kind of makes me feel like I’m tied down and the claustrophobia and then the whole panic attack thing starts up.  Okay, so it’s bad enough that thinking about it and trying to describe it in writing has gotten me breathing heavy and nervous right now.  That has never happened to me before.  It has GOT to be a combination of the surgery and my grief still kicking around.  I think it’s weird.  Like really weird.  NEVER, EVER had issues like this before.  Any of you nurse, or physiology students have any insight out there?

On a brighter note, I’m pretty much 100% on a cane now, haven’t used the walker in a few days.  I’ve been driving.  I’m just making sure not to trap myself too far away from relief.  That doesn’t really make sense, let me explain.  Like, walk too far away from home or walk too far away from the car.  An example would be to walk into the Grocery Store where I couldn’t easily walk back out again.  That’s important because I get tired easily, but I’m doing better and better each day, so…good news, right?  Yeah, I thought so, too. 

I’ve been just writing nonsense since I started this one today, so why don’t we get to some of the funny stuff that you guys actually tuned in to see?

This is actually a great cartoon.  Without saying anything, it says so much.

I just blocked someone on my page for correcting my grammar and it feeleded good.

As I’ve said so many times before, witness statements are so unreliable.

Women love when you kiss their neck… 
Just not when they’re driving

And you’re in the backseat.
And they don’t know you.

This one is hilarious!  And yes, I know it looks like it’s a setup.  It looks like she might be  prepositioning the bowl.  But, ignore that, and just watch.  Thanks Stephanie.https://www.facebook.com/632213855/posts/10158546389203856/?sfnsn=mo

And here’s the relief picture for our company’s softball team warming up for our next game.

OMG!  That’s infanticide! 

Here’s another fast one from Stephanie.  It’s pretty amazing, so go ahead…give it a click: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1156193134887179/permalink/1375480412958449/?sfnsn=mo&ref=share

Our IT Team.  These are the two who keep our electronic equipment running smoothly.

 

Dear ghosts,

If you can move shit around and flicker lights then you can use a mop.

I had a quiet game of tennis today. 

It’s like regular tennis, but without the racket.

Well played…

Teacher:  Where is your homework?

Me:  I lost it fighting some kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in school.

Unless of course they scream loud enough or burn shit down that doesn’t belong to them.  Then, for some insane reason, we give in to them, instead of ignoring them, arresting them, or shooting them outright! 

Yeah, I’d say that’s pretty unlucky.

Trail mix? 

You mean chocolate candies with obstacles.

Gas is so high the mailman is working from home.  He called me yesterday to read my bills to me.

And somehow, in his mind, this makes perfect sense!  Why is he still in office?  Why are any of them that support him still in office?

Proud of yourself?

And we shouldn’t be surprised by this by now.

Instead of focusing on a man who has left the Whitehouse, focus on the one who is in it!  He’s the one wrecking America!!

I tried to explain to Izzy Dragon how much this was a Republican point of view, which led us to a discussion on how housing and food and medical care and stuff like that should all be free.  It led to some very interesting conversations.

I’ve been in bed for 20 minutes, and I just remembered I only came upstairs for a pen.

I finally found a diet plan that really works.  It’s called, “The Price of Food.”

Her:  Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Me:  AWWWWW YES!!

Her:  Then stay 92,900,000 miles away from me.

And as we tamp down the fire, and roll up the logs, I want to thank Alan F, reijo, jhjoseph, and kris72663 for the kind words about the ezine and me getting better.  But, I have to share Leah D’s comment here:

And here we are back around to another day.  My dearest friends and family, this is for you.  You are the reason I do this.  You are the reason I put effort into…okay, you get the idea.

Anyway, I didn’t make it to church on Sunday like I wanted to, but I DID make it to my Group Grief Therapy last night, and that was after only one week out from my surgery.  I actually drove myself there.  Which was  not near as hard as I thought it would be.  It was, after all, my left leg that was operated on and all the driving is done with your right leg since I don’t have a manual transmission.  So, it was all good.  I stopped the pain pills a few days ago, so there was no impairment issues, either.

And also as of today, I’m pretty much done with my walker and using my cane, except for long distances.  But, around the house and going out to get the mail…I’ve even taken the dogs out a few times on my cane.  The problem with that is that my puppy, Willow Dragon, is a friggin’ BEAST!  She pulls against the leash, even the expanding one and I have to be really careful that she doesn’t pull against me and pop my hip out or pull me over.  So, instead, I have to be ready to let go if it looks like she’s going too fast and won’t stop and will do me damage.  As big as a beast as she is, she still isn’t a year old yet.  But, so far so good.

Anyway, let’s get to the good part of the show, shall we? 

Our dear friend of the show, Friggin’ Pete, came up with a really good question.  He wrote and said, “Don’t you find it kinda odd that Jeffery Epstein was a pedophile who had an island where he took young girls for sex.  He flew tons of major male personalities to that island including top Political Leaders, Major Actors, Billionaires, Business Leaders, Media Personalities and the rich and powerful people from all walks of life.

AND the only one in jail for any of it……is a woman…” 

Yeah, I do find it odd.  And I find it odd that it has all been buried and hidden away and no one has heard a word about it with everything else that’s going on in the world.  Can you imagine if it was a Republican who had done the things that he was accused of, there wouldn’t be a day gone by that we wouldn’t be hearing about it.  Just like Hunter’s laptop.  I can’t believe the pile of bullshit that has become.  There is such a double standard in this world that it sickens me.

“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be – it’s the way it is.

The way you cope with it is what makes the difference” 

After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine fighter pilot finally regained consciousness. He was in a hospital in a lot of pain.

He found himself in the ICU with tubes/IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him looking worried.

It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.

The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot, but a Marine, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word:

“You may not feel anything from the waist down.”

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, “Can I feel your tits, then?”

And that, my friends, is a real positive attitude.

I’ve just invented a telepathically controlled air freshener.

Makes scents when you think about it.

“Lined up in attack formation…”

It’s like my mom always told me…

“You might not be the dumbest guy in the world, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”

These days, my idea of living dangerously is going grocery shopping without a list.

I love this!

The Original Charlie’s Angels

There are still so many people who buy into this one.

I just got a full tank of gas for $22.  Granted, it was for my lawn mower, but I am trying to stay positive here.

And here’s a weird one, sent in by Leah D…it’s the “Anti-Fascist Blues” by Five Times August

Yes!  Beware!  Be very … um … ware…

My daughter asked me what it’s like to have kids, so I interrupted her every 11 seconds until she cried.

I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me.

Some people are afraid to be corny.

Not me.  I live life on the cob, baby.

Math Teacher:  If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have? 

Student:  A drinking problem.

When someone asks, “Where do you see yourself in 10 years…”

Buddy, I’m just trying to make it to Friday.

You ever had garbage in one hand but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand?

LOL!

Anyways, the baby’s ok.

If you don’t get the reference you are really young.

One great thing about Texas heat…

You can guarantee no one is waiting in your backseat to kill you.

And if you don’t get this one, well…then I’m just sorry for you.

When you die, people cry and beg for you to come back…

but, when you do, there’s the running and screaming…

Let’s finish out today’s episode with a couple of more comments, shall we?  This one is from Joe:

Can I tell you guys right up front how great you guys are?  I honestly don’t think that there is a blog/ezine/on-line community anywhere that can compare to the likes of you.  You have been SO supportive of me and understanding of what I’m going through, how can that compare to any where else?  AND you have been supportive of each other.  When one of you makes a comment in the comment section about having an issue or a problem, there is always someone who offers up support and well wishes.  I am honored and blessed to have you guys as readers and contributors to this website. 

Thank you.

So, today is Father’s Day, even though you guys will be reading this the day after that or so.  Fathers are so very important.  Mothers are special and hold a deep and sacred spot in all our hearts, but Fathers are important.  Did you know that in a household without a Father, the child is five times more likely to grow up in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools, and twenty times more likely to end up in prison.  Everyone agrees how important it is to have a loving mother at home, but those statistics only appear in a fatherless household.  They disappear in a traditional mother and father or a single parent – father only household.  So, like I said, FATHERHOOD IS AN IMPORTANT, EVEN SACRED DUTY!  Children need a father figure.  It doesn’t have to be a blood father, it can be an adoptive father, father figure, or some masculine person to look up to.  Look inside yourself and see if you are doing all you can to fulfill your fatherly responsibilities to the young people around you.

 

Today, Monday, when you’re actually likely reading this, (if I can get this done on Sunday night) is the Juneteenth holiday…and I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to say about that.  It is actually today, Sunday, but celebrated on Monday. 

“Juneteenth is a federal holiday in the United States commemorating the emancipation of enslaved African Americans. Juneteenth marks the anniversary of the announcement of General Order No. 3 by Union Army general Gordon Granger on June 19, 1865, proclaiming freedom for enslaved people in Texas.^[7] Originating in Galveston, the holiday has since been celebrated annually on June 19 in various parts of the United States, often broadly celebrating African-American culture. The day was first recognized as a federal holiday in June 2021, when President Joe Biden signed the Juneteenth National Independence Day Act into law.^[8][9] The Juneteenth flag is a symbol of the Juneteenth holiday.”

And before I get around to telling on myself for doing things that I wasn’t supposed to do, let’s get started on the fun and laughter part of this parade, shall we?

Um…yeah, we are?

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone “Thanks for coming”

“She is master of all she surveys.  And I’m here to make sure that happens.”

Restaurant toilets are so dangerous!!

So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished!

I lost a friend to marijuana once.

I found him two hours later at Waffle House.

Grammar.

The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

The difference between helping your Uncle Jack off the horse and helping your Uncle Jack, off the horse.

“Yes, Miriam, I have the letter opener, bring me today’s mail.”

That moment when you look around at all the stuff that needs to be done and feel so overwhelmed that you sit down and leisurely scroll through your phone instead.

I hate this virtual doctor stuff.  I went on one about a prostate exam.

Now, I can’t find my phone…

Had a bit of a theme going there for a minute, didn’t we?

And a father figure.

I don’t think I know of anyone with a 3D printer THAT big.  But, it is cool!  And yes, I have watched Treehouse Masters.  It was one of Mary’s favorite shows.  We spent many an hour watching them turn ordinary clusters of trees into beautiful homes in the sky.  And I believe you are right about the differences between gazeboes, pavilions, and pergolas.  I have a pergola in my backyard.  Thanks for sharing.

Okay, as an Emergency Manager, I found this article extremely interesting.  A candle that produces oxygen.  And not just a little oxygen.  Enough for four people for up to 20 hours.  But, read it here.  It’s not long: https://minearc.com/oxygen-candles-providing-emergency-air/

– As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

– I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

– Common sense is like deodorant — The people who need it the most never use it.

– My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.

– It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

– I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.

– As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I’m sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

– As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

– If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

– Turns out that being a “senior” is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

– I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

– I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.

– I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

– My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

– Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

– Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’ve learned anything.

– There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

Remember when we were little and had underwear with the days of the week on them?  Yeah.  Those would be helpful right now.

Guys I need your help!  In the middle of an argument with my wife, she told me that I’m right.  What the hell do I do next?

Weight Of Million Dollars

And we’re going to end it here today with a huge thank you to all of you out there for the love and caring that has come this way.  Know that it has been sent back your way as well.  Be well, until we meet again.  Tomorrow, I have Grief Group so I probably won’t get another issue out until Wednesday or so.  So, until then.