Dragon Laffs #2019

So, I feel 1,000% better, thank you berry much!  And thank you to all of you who wrote to send good wishes and prayers and all that stuff.  Very deeply appreciate each and every one of them and you. 

It is now Tuesday and Izzy and I have been running around for the last two days like Chickens with our heads cut off (which is really a horrible analogy?…simile? … I don’t know which it is, but it sucks.  But, one of the things we got to do was to go to this flea market in between appointments yesterday and I got the coolest thing!  It’s a Dragon head incense burner!  Here, look:  

Okay, so it’s not the greatest picture I’ve ever taken, and that is smoke coming out of his nostrils, but it’s much better in person. 

Anyway, let’s get started on the laughter and we can talk about the other stuff later.

Once you hit 50, you gotta sit on the edge of the bed and warm up, like an old Buick, before you get up.

I saw a microbiologist today.

He was much bigger than I expected.

I’m actually pretty attractive…

…if you don’t look at me.

Even moms are making cakes that look like me!

I’m pretty sure you have to be “of a certain age” to get that one, too.

We all have that one friend that has no idea how to whisper

I have SO MANY of those.  And a daughter dragon!

How incredibly horrible as a society do we have to be to require this sign on the side of a pizza box?

I know, right!

Friggin’ Awesome!!!!

And tattoos of me!!!

A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.

My darling Mary, I’ll always remember our special night…

I haven’t sold a single copy of my autobiography.

That’s the story of my life.

Okay, I’ve cleared my cache of cookies. 

But I don’t see how eating 300 Oreos is going to make my computer work better.

This next one was obviously written by a woman…

They say that every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by two minutes.  I did the math.  Seems I died in 1543.

I don’t think there will be any men who will argue with me on this, and I think there will be several women who will.

I think you have to be of a certain age to get this one, too.

Nobody likes to be around the “One-Up” friend.  Your day was hard, their day was harder.  You got a good job, their job is better.  You got 5 bands, they got 6.  You went to Tennessee, the went to Elevennessee. 

Checked my friend into a Rehab Center for his addiction to placebos. 

Well, he thinks it’s a Rehab Center.

Love and happiness and bedtime.

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #2019

  1. Friggin Pete says:

    What’s even worse about the “open box before eating pizza” is that it is printed on the flap that tucks inside the outside bottom flap so, you have to open the box to see that it tells you to open the box….SMFH!!!

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