As promised, jumping right into the next issue! It’s still Saturday, the fence is done, my body is hurting and I’m trying to relax before bed time. So, after the last issue and a definite lack of laughter, we need to step it up with this episode and get to it! So, without further ado,

Sounds PERFECT!

A blonde said, “I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid.”

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, ‘What does love mean?’ The answers they got were broader, deeper, and more profound than anyone could have ever imagined! See if you can read this with a dry eye.

‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore… So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’ Rebecca – age 8

‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’ Billy – age 4

‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’ Karl – age 5

‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’ Chrissy – age 6

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’ Terri – age 4

‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’ Danny – age 8

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and just listen.’ Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)

‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.’ Nikka – age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)

‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day.’ Noelle – age 7

‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’ Tommy – age 6

‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’ Cindy – age 8

‘My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’ Clare – age 6

‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’ Elaine – age 5

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’ Chris – age 7

‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’ Mary Ann – age 4

‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’ Lauren – age 4

‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ (what an image!) Karen – age 7

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross…’ Mark – age 6

‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’ Jessica – age 8

And the final one: The winner was a four-year-old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, ‘Nothing, I just helped him cry.’

Now, take 60 seconds and post this for other to see. And then be a child again today!

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. 

He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. 

Being curious the man rowed over and asked, “What is the mirror for?”

“That’s my secret way to catch fish,” said the other man. 

“Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. 

Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat.” 

“Wow! Does that really work?”

“You bet it does.”

“Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I’ll give you $30 for it.” 

“Well, okay.”

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, “By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?” 

“You’re the sixth,” he said.

A city man finally achieved his dream of moving out to the country and buying a small, fixer-upper hobby farm. He was eager to get started, but after purchasing the land and fixing the barn, he found himself incredibly short on funds. Desperate to start producing milk, he went shopping for a dairy cow.

To his dismay, all the local heifers were selling for premium prices. Searching around, he finally spotted a classified ad for a breeding cow in a neighboring town listed at less than half the going rate. Thinking he scored the deal of a century, he hitched up his trailer, bought the discounted cow, and brought her home.

The next day, he called up his neighbor, a seasoned farmer who owned a massive, prize-winning breeding bull. The neighbor agreed to bring his bull over to try and get the new cow settled so she could start producing.

They led the bull into the pasture, but things immediately went awry. Every time the bull tried to approach, the cow would abruptly turn her back, step away, and completely ignore him. When the bull grew more persistent, the cow aggressively lowered her head, nudged him aside, and entirely shoved the confused bull across the field. No matter what the bull tried, the cow flatly refused to cooperate.

After an hour of watching this disastrous display, the bull’s owner wiped the sweat from his brow, leaned against the fence post, and sighed. “Hey, pal,” he asked, “did you happen to buy that cow over in Shelbyville?”

The new farmer blinked in surprise. “Yeah, I did! Wow, how on earth did you guess that?”

The neighbor shook his head grimly. “I thought so. My wife is from Shelbyville.”

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Driving to a new restaurant, Judy took several wrong turns.

When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, “Why didn’t you tell me I was lost?” 

“I thought you knew where you were going,” he replied. “You always know where you’re going when I’m driving.”

“Flight 1234,” the control tower advised, “turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement.” 

“Roger,” the pilot responded, “but we’re at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?” 

“Sir,” the radar man replied, “have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?” 

I sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way through the file that contained my very extensive medical history. 

After he finished all 17 pages, he looked at me and said, “You look better in person than you do on paper.” 

And that’s it my friends. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. Until next time.