Well, it’s Thursday, and I’m continuing my present trend of trying to stay ahead of the ball. I’m starting this on Sunday. Monday’s issue is in the chamber, ready to be fired. Lots of stuff upcoming this week and some nervous making, depression making stuff coming up, also. Tomorrow, as you’re reading this, but Friday as I’m writing it, is my dear Mary’s birthday.
You know, last year was the first time her birthday came around without her and I thought that would be the hardest, but someone told me that the next one would be the hardest and I thought they were crazy. How could the second one be harder than the first one? Well, I’ll tell you how.
Because for the first one you are braced for it. You have a support group that is around you since it had only been 74 days since her death. You are already reeling. For the second one, you have found a modicum of joy again in your life…just a smidge. You have reached a new track, a new path forward. You are used to your current level of pain with it’s sudden jabs that it gives you when you hear a certain song or something else that reminds you. Pain has become your friend in a sense. But this birthday and this anniversary is a whole day of reminders, not just a song or a reminder. That’s why it’s worse.
Anyway, like I’ve said so many, many times before about both the physical and now the mental … it’s just pain. And it’s just depression. Both of which, all of which can be overcome with the Grace of God. I’ve been dealing with physical pain for over twenty years, I plan on continuing to deal with it for many, many more.
For now, let’s get to the fun stuff and we’ll talk more about some of the other stuff going on as we go through our episode.
Got this really great comment from our resident Nurse, Marsha.
How to stop the calls….
Medicare…I’m only 30 I’ll try to remember your number.
Looks like a scam call….Hello FBI Fraud division… usually hang up before you can say thankyou for providing your number and making my job easier.
Work….in a weak raspy voice….just say hello they will assume you are sick.
Missed the laughs last week….. kinda blaming you for the crappy week I had…..
Well, Marsh, I’ll take the blame for your crappy week. I mean, it’s the least I can do and I’m all about doing the very least. So yup, it’s all my fault. Now, where were we. Oh right! On with the laughter!
Well…you could’ve outlined the spare tire.
Everyone knows that dinosaurs are extinct! That’s not a dinosaur! That’s one of my brothers! That’s a flippin’ DRAGON!!!!
Me and You are Friends…….
You Fight, I Fight……..
You Hurt, I Hurt……..
You Cry, I Cry………
You Jump Off a Bridge….
I’m Gonna Miss Your Dumb ass
Lazy people fact #5727814780:
You were too lazy to read that number.
I had a lot of special friends when I was growing up. This little blonde artist was one of them. We spent many long sunny summer afternoons painting together.
Carole was planning her upcoming wedding and asked to wear her mother’s wedding gown. When she tried it on, it was a perfect fit on her petite frame.
Suddenly, her mother’s eyes filled with tears. Putting an arm around her, Carole lovingly said, “Don’t cry, Mom. Remember, you aren’t losing a daughter, you’re gaining a son.”
“Oh, forget about that!” her mother sobbed. “I used to fit into that gown!”
Oh my OUCH!!
A man walks into a public men’s room.
His arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart.
He approaches another man and asks, “Excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?”
The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled.
He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man’s pants.
Next, the man asks him to hold his cock while he pees.
The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he is asked.
Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his cock back in his pants.
“Oh, I can take care of that,” the first man says, blowing on his fingers. “I think my nails are dry now.”
A man was getting concerned that his 3 daughters might not be as innocent as he wished.
What did they already know about sex? He decided to find out.
So he brought his 16-year-old daughter into the bathroom, dropped his pants, and said “Do you know what this is?” “Yes, daddy, that’s a penis”.
The man exploded! He couldn’t believe it! “You’re grounded for a year”, he exclaimed, “and you’re going to read the bible every day!”
He then brought his 14-year-old into the bathroom, and dropped his pants. “Do you know what this is?”
“Yes, daddy, it’s a penis”
Unbelievable! He grounded her for 2 years, and took away her allowance forever.
Finally, he brought his 12-year-old into the bathroom, dropped his pants, and asked “Do you know what this is?” “No, daddy, I don’t.”
“What a good girl! I’m very proud of you! I’m going to raise your allowance! Anyway, this is called a penis.”
The girl laughed and said, “You call THAT a penis?!?”
“Sound the alarm! The democrats are coming! The democrats are coming!”
This one was sent in by Joe from NJ and it’s called Older Comments…
The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.
Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”
Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed.
We’re having a meeting.
“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo”.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.
Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Now, I’m wondering . . . did I send this to you, did you send it to me or have I only seen one copy?
You don’t need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
“On time” is, when you get there.
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.
It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free…and three sizes smaller.
Lately, you’ve noticed people your age are so much older than you.
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.
When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?”
Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.
However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
What in the world is he showing them?
You don’t always get what you ask for, but you never get what you don’t ask for … unless it’s contagious!
-Beverly Sills (1929 – 2007)
Okay, that’s just weird.
Too much darn makeup!!!
I LOVE this meme!!!! You have to think about it to get it and when you get it, it makes you laugh! It’s PERFECT!!
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
Be sure you lock your doors and windows at home!
A Lake Charles man was found dead in his home over the weekend.
Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub.
The tub had been filled with milk, sugar and cornflakes.
A banana was sticking out of his bottom.
Police suspect a cereal killer
I can attest that as the honest and complete truth my friends.
The Vet explained to Bubba that as ducks age their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up it’s food.
“What you need to do is gently file the upper bill down even with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because the duck’s nostrils are located in the upper bill and if you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water it’ll drown.”
Bubba goes about his business and about a week later the Vet runs into his patient. “Well, how is that duck of yours?” the Doctor inquires.
“He’s dead.” declared the heartbroken Bubba.
“I told you not to file his upper bill down too far! He took a drink of water and drowned didn’t he?” insisted the Vet.
“No.” lamented Bubba. “I think he was dead before I took him out of the vise.”
Guess Which One it is: Is it NBA or NFL
♦ 36 have been accused of spousal abuse
♦ 7 have been arrested for fraud
♦ 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
♦ 117 have directly or indirectly been responsible for bankrupting at least two businesses
♦ 3 have done time for assault
♦ 71 cannot get a credit card due to their bad credit
♦ 14 have been arrested on drug related charges
♦ 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
♦ 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
♦ 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year.
How many of you think NBA? How many of you think NFL? Well, you’d both be wrong, it’s the 435 members of the United States Congress.
And that’s a transcript of a video that was sent to me. I don’t know how old the video is, so I don’t know what year it was from, but I’d almost bet dollars to donuts, that the numbers are higher now! And that is the perfect lead-in to …
Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain.
Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time.
“Nonsense,” I said.
“Men are good for only one thing!”
“Yes,” my mother interjected, “but how often do you have to parallel park?”
This is way cool. Thanks to Joe from NJ for sending this one in.
Californians are a strange people.
They’ll put every chemical known to God and man up their nostrils, and then warn you for putting sugar in your coffee!
A couple of quick things before I go for the day. First of all, a couple of quick comments from people, first from Friggin’ Pete:
Mary Benny died eight and a half years after Jack died so, that would be about 3,100 roses.
Wow…ain’t that something. Thanks for sharing.
and then this one…
wife got me a round tu-it and some sorts. Couldn’t get round to it as I was out of sorts.
Sorts are so hard to come by. I’ve been out of sorts for quite a while now.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got my friends. May God Bless you all with Love and Happiness. I read a really good essay on the word Shalom and I can honestly, with a very clear heart say to each and every one of you…
Hey! I still have one of those Heavy Dam TVs. It is n the kids’ room, and lasted through all the grandkids, and so far, the great grandkids. I told my husband, if it goes out, we will buy one of the new tvs, take out the tube, etc. and put the new tv inside that cabinet, behind a glass wall. the new tvs’ are not for little kids!
I am trying to prepare my husband for my demise. I tell him all the time, “You need to know this when I’m not here.” I hope it goes as planned, because if he goes out of turn, I won’t know what it is he needed to teach me.
When it came out our Country is planning on going currency free in July, I told him we both better plan on leaving in early Fall, so we won’t be interrupting the Holidays. He doesn’t think there are any tickets available.
Thanks Drag! Another great issue. Especially liked the video about the military drones. Spent over an hour wacthing it and the related B-52 videos.
Mike in Cincinnati
I lost my husband 14 yrs. ago and still think of him every day. I also, still wear my wedding rings too….because I had a good one and not looking for another one.
I understand completely Dale. Although it’s only been a year for me, I still wear mine, also think of her many times a day ( I’m sitting in my office at work right now which is festooned with her pictures) and am not at all interested in looking for another.
I have also told people that when my time comes, I expect him to be the first one to greet me. I won’t care if he has a girl friend because he needs someone to look after him….but she isn’t going to be there long when I get there!!!
Heaven won’t be filled with jealousy and such and eternity leaves plenty of time for everyone.
Imagine, spending as much time as you want with every good and decent person who ever was worthy enough to get to Heaven.
So true. I even had my parents matching wedding bands made into earrings for me.
That way I have a piece of my husband, my mother and my father with me every day!