It’s Saturday.  I made it through St. Patrick’s Day…barely.  There were tears.  There was gnashing of teeth and wailing.  Now, I have two more events to get through.  One on Thursday and one on Friday.  My darling Mary’s birthday is Thursday and I’m already wound up about it.  It’s like I’m on the edge of a panic attack and have been for the past couple of days and it’s been getting worse each day.  Basically I’m freaking the fuck out. 

So … I NEED to laugh.  Need to laugh bad.  So, won’t you guys join me? 

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes. ~Sigmund Freud 

The government is finally legalizing weed.  Because that’s what you do when you’re broke and desperate.  You sell drugs.

My hobbies include long scrolls down my phone, talking to my pets, binge watching Netflix, singing in the shower, staying in my PJs too long, being tired all day…then not sleeping at night, drinking everything but water, ordering stuff online, reading about new diets while eating cake, and making lists of things I will never do…

Dragons and Celtic Crosses have a long history together.  There is magic in both.

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.  

This is exactly what my Mary would have said!  LOL!

New Dieting Tip!

Just fill up your car’s fuel tank and you won’t be able to afford groceries! 

Good luck!

Which makes perfect government sense.

Gas so damn high the mailman is working from home.  He called me yesterday and read my bills to me.

I’ve got a little secret…

McDonalds closed 850 stores in Russia this week, which is their way of enforcing a no fry zone.

A man in Moscow buys a newspaper, glances at the front page, and throws it away.  He does the same thing every day.  Eventually, the seller snaps.  “Why DO you do that?”  “I’m just checking for an obituary.”  “But obituaries aren’t on the front page!”  “The one I’m looking for will be.”

The cops just left.  They said if I was gonna walk around the house naked, I have to do it inside.

Sometimes I tuck my knees

into my chest and lean forward.

( That’s just the way I roll.)

~ Aussie Peter

It seems the monsters under my bed are afraid of the skeletons in my closet.

That was sent in by Friggin’ Pete and it helps a lot right now.  Thanks, Pete.

“Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?” 

“This is Alexa.”

An odd place to end, but that has to be that for tonight.  Ran out of time and battery power and strength.  Love and happiness to you all, until next time. 

Cheers! 

Impish Dragon