Dragon Laffs #1911


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Good Morning Campers,

Not really sure what to talk about this morning … it’s Wednesday morning and I took the day off work to take Mrs. Dragon for her follow up with the doctor this afternoon to find out the results of her tests.  Soooo … right now I’m just kinda waiting for things to pass by so we can go to the doctor.

So, rather than try to figure out something to say, why don’t we just start out by laughing and see where this issue … episode … edition … takes us.

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That’s just wrong!

Funny …

But wrong!

Thanks to Stephanie for this really, really interesting article …

NASA Discovers Pyramid on Mars

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Over the years NASA satellite images of the Red Planet have shown some strange and often disquieting objects. Now, a stunning raw NASA image of a pyramid on the Mars surface has once again fueled speculation that Mars used to be the home of an alien civilization.

For the rest of the article and some really great pictures, click here: https://trinfinity8.com/nasa-discovers-pyramid-on-mars/

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When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid, she becomes a Def Leppard.

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My Credit Report?

It’s used as a comedy break in financial training seminars.

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Today, I learned that if you flip a canoe over you can wear it as a hat.

Because it is cap-sized.

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“Sweetheart, I have to tell you something important … you are adopted.”

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I ate a kid’s meal at McDonalds this morning.

His mom was furious.

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My check for fabric softener just Bounced.

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I just saw a news report that police are searching for a suspect accused of stealing from a farm’s nursery!  They’re saying the suspect…

…is on the lamb.

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Damn!!

Do U.K. websites use biscuits instead of cookies?

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Strong words.

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What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?

“Get in the boat, men!”

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Some rides are better pimped out then others.

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More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.

“Wow!  They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!”

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Breathtaking

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This is a process called guttation. The plant is expelling water due to a positive root pressure.

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Earmuffs

Ears

Easter bunny

Easter Jokes

Easter

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Easy Bake Oven

Eat Chocolate

Eavesdropping

Ebay

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Economy

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What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?

Tea-Shirts

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Know

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Why are things typed up, but written down?

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This is too good not to share immediately! 

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We had Cured Ham for Christmas dinner.  We all wondered what illness it was cured of.

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Why do people say the “worked like a dog”?  Our dog just sat around all day.

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I’m a light eater.  As soon as it’s light, I start to eat.

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I used to watch golf on TV during the weekend, but my doctor told me I needed more exercise … so now I watch tennis.

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Weird Fact

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The entire Denver International Airport is twice the size of Manhattan.

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Why are you “in” a movie, but you’re “on” TV?

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Our second to the last update before we have to call it quits.  Which means you guys have two more chances … well, you have lots more chances, but I’m only going to remind you two more times.  Today and Saturday.  And then we’ll come up with a grand total on Monday. 

Right now here are our heroes:

Steven H.        Dan T.        Leah H.        Carlos W.        Ray S.        William E.       Carlos W. (again)        Jonathon J.        Donald G.        Stephanie        Patricia G.

You guys are wonderful! Truly you are.  I’m so proud of each and every one of you.    Anyone else who still wants to get in and help this special young military woman and her family, you still have time.  I’ll take donations up to the 4th of July and then I have to convert them over and turn them in. 

Thank you all!

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How come you never see Cupid with a girlfriend?

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Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?

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Thanks to our dearest friend Stephanie for this next one …

This was first published in the British humour magazine “Punch” on April 3, 1957:
But it is still VERY pertinent to banking practices today.
Q: What are banks for?
A: To make money.
Q: For the customers?
A: For the banks.
Q: Why doesn’t bank advertising mention this?
A: It would not be in good taste.  But it is mentioned by implication in references to reserves of $249,000,000,000 or thereabouts.  That is the money they have made.
Q: Out of the customers?
A: I suppose so.
Q: They also mention Assets of $500,000,000,000 or thereabouts.  Have they made that too?
A: Not exactly.  That is the money they use to make money.
Q: I see. And they keep it in a safe somewhere?
A: Not at all.  They lend it to customers.
Q: Then they haven’t got it?
A: No.
Q: Then how is it Assets?
A: They maintain that it would be if they got it back.
Q: But they must have some money in a safe somewhere?
A: Yes, usually $500,000,000,000 or thereabouts.  This is called Liabilities.
Q: But if they’ve got it, how can they be liable for it?
A: Because it isn’t theirs.
Q: Then why do they have it?
A: It has been lent to them by customers.
Q: You mean customers lend banks money?
A: In effect. They put money into their accounts, so it is really lent to the banks.
Q: And what do the banks do with it?
A: Lend it to other customers.
Q: But you said that money they lent to other people was Assets?
A: Yes.
Q: Then Assets and Liabilities must be the same thing?
A: You can’t really say that.
Q: But you’ve just said it!  If I put $100 into my account the bank is liable to have to pay it back, so it’s Liabilities.  But they go and  lend it to someone else and he is liable to have to pay it back, so  it’s Assets. It’s the same $100 isn’t it?
A: Yes, but….
Q: Then it cancels out.  It means, doesn’t it, that banks haven’t really any money at all?
A: Theoretically……
Q: Never mind theoretically!  And if they haven’t any money, where do  they get their Reserves of $249,000,000,000 or thereabouts??
A: I told you.  That is the money they have made.
Q: How?
A: Well, when they lend your $100 to someone they charge him interest.
Q: How much?
A: It depends on the Bank Rate.  Say five and a-half percent.  That’s their profit.
Q: Why isn’t it my profit?  Isn’t it my money?
A: It’s the theory of banking practice that………
Q: When I lend them my $100 why don’t I charge them interest?
A: You do.
Q: You don’t say.  How much?
A: It depends on the Bank Rate.  Say a half percent.
Q: Grasping of me, rather?
A: But that’s only if you’re not going to draw the money out again.
Q: But of course I’m going to draw the money out again!  If I hadn’t  wanted to draw it out again I could have buried it in the garden!
A: They wouldn’t like you to draw it out again.
Q: Why not?  If I keep it there you say it’s a Liability.  Wouldn’t they be glad if I reduced their Liabilities by removing it?
A: No.  Because if you remove it they can’t lend it to anyone else.
Q: But if I wanted to remove it they’d have to let me?
A: Certainly.
Q: But suppose they’ve already lent it to another customer?
A: Then they’ll let you have some other customers money.
Q: But suppose he wants his too….and they’ve already let me have it?
A: You’re being purposely obtuse.
Q: I think I’m being acute.  What if everyone wanted their money all at once?
A: It’s the theory of banking practice that they never would.
Q: So what banks bank on, is not having to meet their commitments?
A. YOU GOT IT!

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I just realized that military barbers shave their privates.

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What if Snow White was just pretending to be asleep so she didn’t have to clean up after little people anymore?

I totally get that.

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Sometimes I forget I already told a particular person a story and I start telling it again, please just let me do it, it means I want to talk to you and my brain doesn’t work.

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Husband: [Sneezes]

Me: ……..

Husband:  You’re not even gonna say bless you or anything?

Me:  I’m sitting here you with you, hun.  You clearly have been blessed already.

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Last Word

Well, we just got home from the doctor’s office and we got really good news.  Mrs. Dragon’s tests all came back very positively!  Some minor issues, but nothing outside the scope of her age.  As for the fluctuations in her blood pressure, he thinks that just might be her.  So, I don’t want to go too deeply into her medical conditions, since, you know, it’s her and not me, but suffice it to say that we got really good news today and I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my chest.

But, I thought I would share that with you guys, and thank you all for all the prayers and good wishes you guys have sent to us over the last months while we have been going through this.  We’re not done yet, but it is certainly looking MUCH better than it has been.

Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1911

  1. Marsha Mastrangelo says:

    Yeah good news on test….something good! Been stressful week. News is crazy…buildings falling.. I can not imagine what those families are going through…..also saw where bunch of beautiful ladies entered a beauty contest and was beat by a dude in a dress…sounds like a song I used to hear on the radio before the world got WOKE. I have had high bp since age of 24..40 years, the only thing i can say is perhaps it’s not really a problem… when my blood pressure goes up people around me get to live another day…my coping mechanism maybe.

  2. Leah D says:

    Forget Banks, what about the IRS? I mailed my taxes March 23. I have been checking every day or two, they kept saying they have not received them. Three months later, On June 28, they say they received them (which means they actually opened them to be processed). On June 29, they tell me they are processed, and my refund will be deposited in 21 days.
    They charge late filers interest, shouldn’t they give that to filers that have to wait?

  3. Burning Bridges: Kelly’s Heroes. GREAT movie!

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