Dragon Laffs #1910


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Good Morning Campers,twister

Well, another interesting weekend.  Two tornadoes came through our area Friday night.  An F-0 and an F-1.  No one was hurt, there were a couple of buildings damaged, a bunch of corn was scared off its cob and this dragon lost some sleep before he had to go and teach class on Saturday.

It’s been raining … a lot since like Wednesday and is supposed to rain … a lot Floodinguntil next weekend and they are talking about the Wabash River flooding and the worst flooding we’ve seen in a hundred years … I’m not worried about flooding.  My cave sits on the one of the highest parts of town, the flooding river would never reach me and if need be, I can fly to work.  But, the neighbors are talking about building an ark. 

So, things are crazy all around the world.  Building collapse in Miami, a couple had Fifty Billion dollars mistakenly deposited into their account (and then taken back), people are being shot all over the country – I’ve gotten so many notices about gunfire on my work phone that it’s amazing.  And Kamala Harris thinks that going to El Paso is going to the border…your about 1,000 miles away at that point Sunshine.

Anyway, what do you say we get some laughter started, and then I’m sure, we’ll have some time to talk about other things.

Lets laugh

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The brain is the most amazing organ.  It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, right from birth until your first erection.

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“No, I don’t want your man.  I’m not even sure why you want your man.”

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Well, if I’m reading this right, it’s off the market, but it’s worth 3/4 of a million dollars!  Damn!  I wasn’t fast enough!

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I really don’t think I could cook in this kitchen …

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Amen Stan!

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Wow!

Dragons

bellerophon

Mothers everywhere have the same problems

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A friend suggested putting horse manure on my strawberries … I’m never doing that again, I’m going back to whipped cream.

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I love old Science Fiction.  They have stories that begin, “It’s the distant year 2003 and humans are exploring the deep corners of the universe.”  God bless you old sci-fi.  You had such high hopes for us.

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Worry is a misuse of Imagination!

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Fantasy

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I think I told you that Mrs. Dragon is really good at genealogy.  Here’s a really old picture she dug up of my great, great, great aunt Lucy. 

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Thanks Lynn … I laughed like hell at this one …

Finally, a relevant question which the US Congress will have to debate:

Who pays the Checker?

There are important questions to be answered about recent LGBT bathroom legislation and whether transgender people will be permitted to use a restroom of the gender that they “identify” with or be required to use the restroom of their biological gender.

If the latter, would public restrooms be required to have a Genital Inspection Station at the entrance to all public restrooms?

Who will have to pay these Pecker Checkers, the people using the restroom, or the entity that owns the restroom?

And how much money will a Pecker Checker be paid to check peckers?

Or, do we pay a Pecker Checker by the number of peckers checked?

How many peckers can a Pecker Checker check if a Pecker Checker could check peckers?

What has this country come to when the U.S. Department of Labor has to create a new job description of Politically Correct Restroom Service Inspectors?

Want to guess their motto? “If You gotta pee – We gotta see! 

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If you really must teach this way …

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Okay, this is a really cool story.  Thanks to Lynn for this one, too.

Monopoly

Starting in 1941, an increasing number of British Airmen found themselves as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the Crown was casting about for ways and means to facilitate their escape…  to that end is a useful and accurate map, one showing not only where stuff was, but also showing the locations of ‘safe houses’ where a POW on-the-lam could go for food and shelter.
Paper maps had some real drawbacks — they make a lot of noise when you open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and if they get wet, they turn into mush.
Someone in MI-5 (similar to America ‘s OSS ) got the idea of printing escape maps on silk. It’s durable, can be scrunched-up into tiny wads, and unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever.
At that time, there was only one manufacturer in Great Britain that had perfected the technology of printing on silk, and that was John Waddington, Ltd. When approached by the government, the firm was only too happy to do its bit for the war effort.
By pure coincidence, Waddington was also the U..K. Licensee for the popular American board game, Monopoly. As it happened, ‘games and pastimes’ was a category of item qualified for insertion into ‘CARE packages’, dispatched by the International Red Cross to prisoners of war.
Under the strictest of secrecy, in a securely guarded and inaccessible old workshop on the grounds of Waddington’s, a group of sworn-to-secrecy employees began mass-producing escape maps, keyed to each region of Germany or Italy where Allied POW camps were regional system). When processed, these maps could be folded into such tiny dots that they would actually fit inside a Monopoly playing piece.
As long as they were at it, the clever workmen at Waddington’s also managed to add:
1. A playing token, containing a small magnetic compass
2. A two-part metal file that could easily be screwed together
3. Useful amounts of genuine high-denomination German, Italian, and French currency, hidden within the piles of Monopoly money!
British and American air crews were advised, before taking off on their first mission, how to identify a ‘rigged’ Monopoly set — by means of a tiny red dot, one cleverly rigged to look like an ordinary printing glitch, located in the corner of the Free Parking square.
Of the estimated 35,000 Allied POWS who successfully escaped, an estimated one-third were aided in their flight by the rigged Monopoly sets.. Everyone who did so was sworn to secrecy indefinitely, since the British Government might want to use this highly successful ruse in still another, future war.
The story wasn’t declassified until 2007, when the surviving craftsmen from Waddington’s, as well as the firm itself, were finally honored in a public ceremony.
Story verification:
http://blogs.wsj.com/informedreader/2007/11/19/wwii-pows-perk-monopoly-with-real-money/

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You gotta love math humor

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More Thanks to pass out today!  This is WONDERFUL!  You guys are fantastic!  A brand new list to put out and here it is:

Steven H.     Dan T.     Leah H.     Carlos W.       Ray S     William E.     Jonathon J.       Donald G.

Thank you all very, very much.  You all are a blessing.  And for the rest of you, you still have time.  You have until this weekend, even a dollar will help and add to the total.  Please, if you can, give a little bit, and if you can’t, your prayers and good wishes will help.  For those of you just tuning in, this push is for one of our security forces personnel.  On Memorial Day she was with her family and in a freak accident she rolled her four wheeler, injured her spine and now might be partially paralyzed for the rest of her life.  She has little kids at home and many, many challenges ahead of her and her family.  And we are trying to help.  And every little bit helps.  Thank you for all that you guys have done and will do.

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Don’t put your business on Facebook and then tell us to mind our own business.  You’re an idiot.  I’m on Season 3, episode 4 of your bullshit.

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Weird Fact

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In 1922, a man built a house and all his furniture entirely out of 100,000 newspapers. The structure still stands today in Rockport, Massachusetts.

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Future Darwin Award Winner

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Motivational

Drugs

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drunk college girls

Drunken dares

Duck Hunt

Duct Tape

Duct Tape7 (2)

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Dude is it done yet

Dude

Dude2

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We really don’t say “Thank You” enough and they don’t get paid nearly enough.

Know

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How can you tell?

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That’s actually a really good idea.

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I do all my own stunts,

but never intentionally.

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Politics

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Public masking is for your safety.

Vaccine passports are for your safety.

Stimulus checks are for your safety.

More welfare is for your safety.

Shutting down the pipeline is for your safety.

More government dependency is for your safety.

Allowing boys in girls locker rooms is for your safety.

Canceling opposing opinions is for your safety.

Rewriting history is for your safety.

Legalizing prostitution is for your safety.

Passing out clean needles for drug use is for your safety.

Lockdowns are for your safety.

Allowing looting is for your safety.

Sending billions of dollars overseas is for your safety.

Shutting down small business is for your safety.

Book burning is for your safety.

Making Christianity the enemy is for your safety.

Taking away your guns is for your safety.

Banning straws is for your safety.

Glorifying obesity is for your safety.

Making up fake diagnoses to appease you is for your safety.

Drugging children is for your safety.

Listen to the mainstream media for your safety.

Lying to you is for your safety.

Demonizing homeschooling is for your safety.

Rigging elections is for your safety.

Covering up child sex crimes is for your safety.

Feminizing men is for your safety.

Expanding government education (indoctrination) is for your safety.

Rationing food is for your safety.

Walls around government buildings- but not at our country’s borders- is for your safety.

Raising the cost of cheap effective medications by a hundred fold is for your safety.

Allowing perverts to parade their perversion around in your town is for your safety.

Celebrating abortion is for your safety.

Embracing a spectrum of genders is for your safety.

Singling out and intimidating non-maskers is for your safety.

Medical discrimination is for your safety.

Separating families in nursing homes is for your safety.

Banning fathers in ultrasound rooms to be with their pregnant wives is for your safety.

Injecting the mentally handicapped with experimental drugs is for your safety.

Masking while jogging alone outside is for your safety.

Raising taxes is for your safety.

Defunding the police is for your safety.

Treating you like you are stupid is for your safety.

Socialism is for your safety.

Communism is for your safety.

Hating your neighbor is for your safety.

Hating God is for your safety.

Don’t question anything.

Trust us.

It’s for your safety.

Tyranny is built plank by plank.

Stop participating in building the planks.

Resist tyranny. Defy tyrants.

 

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I really like this next one …

 

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They should put more whiskey in a bottle …

So there’s enough for two people.

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Breathtaking

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This is how massive Tokyo is.
The world’s most densely populated city.

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Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

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Um…I’d like to make an observation …

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My body is just a filter.

Coffee goes in, sarcasm comes out.

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I lifted up my shirt to check out my abs and a Cheeto fell out … so there’s that.

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I walked in and said to my wife, “I’ve been so busy I don’t know whether I’m coming or going!”

She said, “By the look on your face your going.  Because when you’re coming you look like a fucking stroke victim trying to whistle.”

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I really need to straighten my life out.  This weather lately has made me realize that I can’t go to hell.

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Asked my daughter to pass me the phone book, she laughed, called me a dinosaur and passed me her iphone.

Anyway, the spider is dead her phone is broken and she is furious!!!

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And that’s it my friends.  Until next time.  Love and Happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1910

  1. Stephanie says:

    I saw her on TV a couple weeks ago and she was telling illegals, “Don’t come here, don’t come here”. While she was shaking her head no.
    Why can a democrat sat that and its ok, but let a conservative say the same thing for the same reason, and they are racists haters, zenophobes?

  2. Uhmmmm, Impish, I hate to disagree with the host dragon, but El Paso, Texas IS on the border with Mexico. (much as I HATE defending the Vice Twat)…

    dag

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