Good Morning Campers,
A real weekend off! Holy hobgoblin! An honest to goodness Saturday and Sunday with no work! And what did I do? I had my son, daughter-in-law, and grandkids over and spent the entire day on Saturday doing much needed yard work. The kids worked their asses off! We burned a lot of brush … a LOT of brush and cut down a couple of trees … little ones. Then I burned some burgers, brats, and dogs. In other words, we worked ourselves pretty hard on Saturday … and today is Sunday and by sweet Aunt Sally, we are taking the day of rest!!!
Now, is it restful for me to write to you guys and put together an issue, sorry Sasquatch, an edition of Dragon Laffs together?
That definitely falls under the category of fun and entertainment. If you guys could see me … sitting in my easy chair, laptop on … top of my lap, sitting in my cave, coffee by my side this morning, Jameson this evening … okay perhaps there’s a splash in my coffee this morning, but hey, it’s Sunday, I’ve got no where to go. So, yup – Definitely fun and entertainment. If I could figure out a way to make a living doing this, I would quit all my other jobs and do just this for you guys every day.
Oh well, let’s get to the good stuff, shall we. Dreaming is a wonderful thing … but still a dream. So, let’s get on with the laughter.
I was standing at the bar of Terminal 4 at BWI Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer.
I asked him, “Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?”
He says “No, I don’t. And furthermore, why the hell would you ask me that? Is it because I’m Chinese?”
“No”, I said, “It’s because you’re drinking my beer, you little prick”
So … an oldie but goodie. Made me laugh again, so here it is.
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof’ department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota .”
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. “How many customers bought something from you today?”
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”.
The boss says “Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota , but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”
The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65”.
The boss, astonished, says “$101,237.65?!? What the hell did you sell him?”
The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”
The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?”
The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.
This one really intrigued me …
Where would you reset to? Birth? What age? The chance to do it all over again? The chance to be young again? Do I get to know what I know now? If I start off in the exact same way with the exact same knowledge … odds are I’m going to make the exact same decision I made last time … screw that! But the chance to be young again … But, that would mean I’d not have the chance to finish this one off with my lovely Mrs. Dragon, but I WOULD have the chance to do it all over again … wow, what a choice…. what would YOU do?
When I was younger $20 felt like $100, now $20 feels like $1.
A trucker’s wife sees three parrots for sale. $170, $150, and $10. She asks why the last parrot is so cheap?
The pet store owner said it used to live in a whore house..
The woman laughs and buys it.
She gets home and the parrot says, “Wow, a new whore house!”
The woman laughs …
When her two daughters get home, the parrot says, “Dang, two new girls!”
They all laugh …
When her husband walks in the door the parrot says, “Hi Joe! You found the new spot!”
And … that’s how the fight started.
It’s time to party!
For anyone one thinking about retiring or relocating.
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…
1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
You can retire to California where…
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
You can retire to New York City where…
1. You say, “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression
You can retire to Minnesota where…
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is “He is different,” “She is different,” or “It was different!”
You can retire to The Deep South where…
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder. ”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say “Bless his heart” at the end!
You can move to Colorado where…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition; “Where’s my coat at?”
FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where…
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind – even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
Hell yeah, I’m ready to party!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Spartanburg, South Carolina, where the cops responded to a 1:10 AM call of a naked man. Sure enough, upon arrival, they found Bozo Michael Bennett strolling naked down the street with a clear plastic bag covering his genitals and smoking a blunt. After initially trying to run from the cops, he then decided to offer up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told officers that he had cheated on his wife and and his penance was to do a “walk of shame” to try to get out of the doghouse. Don’t know if that worked, but it did put him in the jailhouse. He’s been charged with indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, marijuana possession, and resisting police.
There’s a town in Washington with treetop bridges made specifically to help squirrels cross the street
If you’re going to be a smart-ass – first you have to be smart, otherwise you’re just an ass.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”
Not much today … but that won’t stop us!!!
A LITTLE HISTORY
In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control: From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
In 1911, Turkey established gun control: From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
Germany established gun control in 1938: From 1939 to 1945, a total of 13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated.
China established gun control in 1935: From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
Guatemala established gun control in 1964: From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
Uganda established gun control in 1970: From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
Cambodia established gun control in 1956: From 1975 to 1977, one million educated people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
56 million defenseless people were rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control.
You won’t see this data on the US evening news, or hear politicians disseminating this information.
Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect only the law-abiding citizens.
During WW II, the Japanese decided not to invade America because they knew most Americans were ARMED!
Gun owners in the USA are the largest armed forces in the World and every Tyrannical Dictator and Nutjob Leader wants to disarm that threat……including our own Liberals, Democrats and Leaders in our own Government!
It’s been a work in progress for a number of years, the dumbing down and brainwashing of our population. Joseph Goebbels would be jealous and proud of the methods and results of the propaganda that has been disseminated by the leaders, in all walks of our society, and embraced by such a large part of our non-thinking population.
To be fair, 286 of those were democrats sticking their heads too far up their own asses…… ~ Pete
Kudos to Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines for refusing to turn away evacuees from the St. Martin’s volcano unless they’re vaccinated for COVID-19.
Yes, the government actually told people that they can’t get on a cruise ship to escape an erupting volcano if they haven’t been vaccinated yet. If you’re looking for a perfect illustration of how power-mad and irrational the people creating and enforcing COVID regulations have become, there it is. It’s about time people lifted their brainwashed, frightened heads out of the sand pile of government and corporate propaganda, lies and misinformation and stared thinking with the reasoning that God so must have rationed to them.
You have got to be kidding me!!!! Over a virus that has a half a percent fatality rate! You people are driving me nuts!!!
And that’s it for today my friends. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Busy week for me this week, so Thursday is unsure…but we’ll see what happens.
Love and happiness to you all.