Dragon Laffs #1885


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Bar B Que

Good Morning Campers,

Well, today is Thursday and it caught up with me …  had a truly crappy nights sleep … or lack of sleep, as the case may be, woke up this morning in really crappy shape at about 0400 and that was it.  So, I took the easy way out and called off today and decided to … after several cups of coffee … to spend part of my day with you guys, so here I am.

It really sucks getting older.  My mind is sharper than it’s ever been, I’m wiser and smarter than I’ve ever been, and it’s all housed in a body that’s falling apart at the seams.  It sucks.

Okay, so enough with the mental flossing and more with the laughter.

Let's Laugh 2

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People on House Hunters are always saying that they need room to entertain and guest bedrooms so family can visit.

I need a moat filled with gators.

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I feel like Willie Nelson’s been the same age my whole life.

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John F. Kennedy is the only U.S. president to receive a Purple Heart. Lieutenant Kennedy, who served in the Navy during World War II, injured his back when a Japanese destroyer collided with his patrol torpedo boat near the Solomon Islands. As his boat sank, Kennedy refused to let his injury stop him from towing a badly burned crew member to safety. In what is perhaps the most enduring image of his heroism in the South Pacific, Kennedy swam with the man’s life jacket strap clenched between his teeth for four to five hours before reaching an island and bringing the man safely to shore. He then, while injured, kept his men safe, evading capture and led them off the island to safety all the while displaying acts of courage without regard to his own personal well being. President John F. Kennedy’s actions of bravery, heroism and leadership earned him the respect and admiration of a nation and helped him win the Presidency in 1960.

On the other hand…..Joe Biden sniffed kids……

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451The Kitty Hawk (NC) Police Department posted an image of the front pocket of a pair of denim jeans on its Facebook page accompanied by some “advice” for citizens about their pants.

The post read, “We at the Kitty Hawk Police Department understand that some of North Carolina’s laws may be confusing. We also understand that educating you about the laws when you are being placed into handcuffs may be a little untimely. We thought if we could avoid more paperwork, and you could avoid going to jail, we both win. So, we have decided to post periodic educational messages on how to avoid going to jail. Here is the first of many to come.”

The post continued, “Prior to wearing someone else’s pants, please remove all drugs, drug paraphernalia, stolen goods or any other illegal items the ‘owner’ of the pants may have left behind. ‘These are not my pants’ is not an affirmative defense. Glad we could help.”

The post concluded, “Disclaimer: We are not attorneys nor non-attorney spokespersons and this message is not intended as legal advice. Please speak to an actual attorney prior to wearing someone else’s pants with drug filled pockets.”

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Sometimes it’s nice to just hang with a friend and relax

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Douglas Kelly suspected that the drugs he illegally bought and subsequently consumed were not what he had bargained for. So he did what seemed logical (to him). He called the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office, asking them to test the drugs so he could press charges against the person who sold them to him, according to CNN.

Kelly contacted the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office and said he purchased methamphetamine about a week earlier and had a “bad reaction” after smoking the narcotic.

Kelly gave deputies samples of the “clear, crystallized substance” for testing.

The substance field-tested positive for methamphetamine, the drug Kelly intended to purchase.

Kelly was arrested and charged with possession of methamphetamine. He was walked to the Putnam County Jail and held on $5,000 bond.

“In an effort to ensure the quality of the drug the suspect purchased, detectives told Kelly if he came to the sheriff’s office they could test the narcotic he purchased,” the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office wrote on Facebook.

“Remember, our detectives are always ready to assist anyone who believes they were misled in their illegal drug purchase,” the Facebook post concluded.

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Baltimore County Police say two men robbed an area pub while officers were holding a retirement party Tuesday.

The masked men entered Monaghan’s Pub in Baltimore — which is across the street from a police station — around 5:30 p.m., pointed a gun at the cashier and demanded money from the register, police say.

But the robbers didn’t know about a Baltimore County PD sergeant’s retirement party in another room of the pub.

Officers attending the party were informed of the robbery, and they chased down two suspects.

Police charged Joseph McInnis III, 21, and Tyree McCoy, 22, with armed robbery and theft, among other offenses, Fox News reports.

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Have you ever wanted to know what the REAL Santa Castle looked like at the North Pole.

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Before they start trying to change country music because of racial slurs, maybe someone should deal with “rap” …

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Perhaps they should look at forgiving medical debt for cancer patients instead of student loans.  Education is a choice, cancer is not.  And making stupid choices about paying it back and taking loans beyond your means is your CHOICE.  Or any medical debt for that matter. 

I think that is a great idea!  You want to make a real difference for people who can really use the help, who can’t help where they ended up?  THAT’S the way to go!

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Common Sense is so rare these days it should be considered a super power.

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You guys need to watch this.  It’s very well done.  It was sent in by Brother Sasquatch and it’s called “It’s Just A Mask”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXUtsft0Z74

And the really scary part is … it’s from July of last year!

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The Bozo Criminal for today comes from the International File. From Cookstown, Ireland comes Bozo Michael Coulter who was arrested for shoplifting shoes, socks and boxer shorts from a department store. This Bozo violated the first rule of a successful shoplifter–be inconspicuous. You see, our Bozo is perhaps the tallest man in all of Ireland-at seven feet five inches tall. He attracted quite a bit of attention as he tried to stuff the shorts and socks into his pants.

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car pooling

car_scrub

Cardboard Mod

Careers

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cassette tape fossil

Cat Brain Sucking

Cat Fu

Cat Norris

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Cats

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Caught Redhanded

Caught

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Okay, so weird morning.  Woke up this morning to the news of the shooting at the FedEx facility in Indianapolis.  Well, the Whelpling (my son) drives for FedEx as one of the Warehouse to Warehouse drivers, not the door to door drivers, and that particular location is one of his stops.  So, waking up to find out this had gone on last night was a bit … startling.  I didn’t worry THAT much because of the time it was supposed to have taken place he was NORMALLY home.  Very rarely did he work that late and if he DID work that late, odds were that he wouldn’t have been at that one location out of the many stops that he has …

BUT ….

It is still worrisome until you hear from your kid.  But, I had just finished reading the overnight alerts that I got on my work phone and went to the news articles that had a little more information.  Was reaching for my phone to call him myself when the phone rang and it was him.  His first words were not “hi” or anything like that.  His first words were, “I wasn’t there and I’m fine.”  And then we talked.

Which is a good thing because I’ve gotten a dozen phone calls from family and friends who know who he works for making sure he’s okay.

They still don’t know why, but I’m waiting to find out.

There have been way too many shootings, assaults and violence lately.  So yeah, let’s defund the police.  That’s exactly what we need to do.  One of the things that I did pick up on with the whole FedEx thing … as an Emergency Manager … that could have helped immensely in the mitigation of this whole thing.  (And I’m sorry, I can’t help but think this way).  First of all, nobody on the Warehouse floor was allowed to have cellphones.  That means that at least, the cops were called slower than they could have been and that someone inside who could have helped the cops by communicating from the inside couldn’t because they didn’t have their phones.  That’s a little shitty to keep their employees busy and not let them take emergency calls from their families and stuff so they take their phones away?  That’s the same crap that Amazon does.  Isn’t that a bit over the top?

And the second thing that I notice and the same thing that I’ve noticed in a bunch of other places where active shooter situations have taken place is that a couple of people who are also armed could go a long way to shutting these things down a lot faster than waiting on the cops to show up.  This one was 8 people dead and 60 wounded.  I’m willing to bet that a couple of people armed and knowing how to shoot, could have cut that WAY down.

Just my opinion … but it is a professional opinion…I have been doing this for a while now.

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I am Politically Incorrect.  And I am unapologetically so!  I’m so sick and tired of the bullshit and more importantly, I am flabbergasted that more people out there aren’t.  Ted says it very nicely when he wrote to me the other day: 

I think this pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole deal. So if you don’t think the elitist have a plan to destroy everything we hold dear to our hearts then keep your eyes closed, keep listening to the BULL SHIT the media is shoveling down your throats and keep wearing a mask while you take a walk outside.  

I’ll put some of the quotes he’s talking about amongst the memes that are coming up soon, but he’s right … just like the video earlier from the joker character … we’ve let the government convince us to do whatever they tell us to 2b2do, get an unproven vaccine for a  virus that has a 0.5% lethality rate!  Where a mask when you are taking a walk, by yourself, outside … near no one! 

Why have we allowed ourselves to become blind turnips?

There are none so blind as those who refuse to see.

 

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Not one politician has lost their job from the virus or had their business looted.

Or missed a haircut.

Or wears a mask, unless on camera.

Y’all know you’re being played, right?

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Remember how we panicked when we couldn’t find any toilet paper?

What are we going to do when we can’t find a cop?

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NYC just defunded the very people that ran into the burning Towers on 9/11.

Think about that!

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For the first time in American history, American history is no longer allowed in America.

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As for the mobs tearing down America’s monuments, I would like to know why we are letting them.

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Nothing says “Unity” like playing a separate National Anthem for black people and white people at NFL games.

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If you still think that this is about Democrats vs. Republicans … it’s not.  The battle is about Progressive Socialism vs. The Republic of the United States of America.

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Liberal Privilege:

1.  Believing you have the right to control other people’s lives.

2.  Believing you have the right to never hear other people’s opinions.

3.  Believing that there are two sets of rules: one for you and one for everyone else.

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Oprah’s special begins with, “What you WHITE people need to understand …”  Now, just for a minute, I want you to picture anybody of your choice standing up and saying, “What you BLACK people need to understand …” The country would come unglued with how racist that would be.  You know what Oprah?  It’s just as fucking racist the way you say it!

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This entire “Presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

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Wife:  I am not talking to you.

Me:  Ok

Wife:  Don’t you want to know the reason?

Me:  No, I respect and trust your decision.

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Weird Fact

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There is enough water in Lake Superior to cover all of North and South America in one foot of liquid.

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You can’t blame anyone else if you fall in your driveway … That’s your own asphalt.

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Some people wake up feeling like a million dollars …

I wake up feeling like “insufficient funds.”

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The Bozo Criminals for this morning come from the International File. From Warsaw, Poland come three Bozos who were also good Samaritans. The Bozos broke into an apartment where they found a pregnant woman ready to give birth. Wanting to to the right thing, the thieves took the woman to the hospital. That was the good Samaritan part. Now the Bozo part: The thieves then returned to the woman’s apartment to complete the burglary. The woman told the hospital staff how she got to the hospital and a quick thinking nurse called the police, who went to the apartment and caught the Bozos in the act.

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Would you young people PLEASE learn that rule!


Leah D

Dragon Laffs #1884

Darts . . . Voodoo Dolls
There’s a problem solving connection there somewhere.

Okay, so that cracked me up, Leah!  I have a plan….

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I’ve had that exact same reply…

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And here’s one from Aussie Peter:

A  ‘MUST KNOW’   ITEM

If you say  ‘WHALE OIL BEEF HOOKED’

really fast,  it sounds like

‘WELL I’LL BE FUCKED’   in an Irish accent.

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And that is going to end today’s issue my friends.  I hope this one was a bit better than most of them have been lately.  My love and happiness wishes to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1885

  1. Stephanie says:

    Glad you had the sense to call in. Every now and then the body needs a rest. Mrs. Dragon and the most special dragonette both breath a little easier when you get some well deserved time off.
    Thank you, not just for DL, but for the job you do to increase safety among our service persons. You are appreciated.

  2. dowchuckil says:

    i really appreciate what you do. THANX !

  3. Sasquatch says:

    All of your editions (i don’t want to talk about your issues) bring well needed smiles to my day.
    Really glad that you and yours are safe and sound?? 😆 Go over and pour yourself an appropriate flu shot and enjoy your weekend. 🥃🍻🍸

  4. Leah D says:

    Last year, I was so upset when Covid hit, because it stopped us from putting our boat up for sale.
    This year, we are told, is an excellent year to sell it, for there is a shortage of boats, because of Covid.

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