Good Morning Campers,
Welcome to … Saturday, I hope. Sunday if not. LOL! Today is the last issue you are going to get before I get to Michigan. After that it will be hit or miss. I hope to get issues out MORE often, but who knows? We will be working with another base and we will be doing our own thing as well, so we’ll have to see. Hopefully it will be better because, well, because in my free time I won’t have anything better to do, but we shall see.
In the mean time, let’s get some laughter going, shall we?
The Itsy-Bitsy Paycheck
Just post to my account.
Down came the bills
And wiped the money out.
When someone is MURDERED, the police investigate the spouse first.
And that tells you everything you need to know about MARRIAGE.
If showing up in a robe and tiara with a box of wine is wrong, then maybe I don’t fully comprehend how Casual Friday actually works.
If by “Crunches” you mean the sound bacon makes when you eat it, than yes, I do Crunches.
My poser cousin Ralph. He has his eyes colored. Can you believe it?
I asked my wife why she married me.
She said, “Because you are funny.”
I said, “I thought it was because I was good in bed.”
She said, “See? You’re hilarious!”
Here’s something I didn’t know … thanks to Lynn …
Most People Don’t Keep Their “Dream House”
HGTV’s annual “Dream Home” contest is a sweepstakes in which winners get an amazing house. It started in 1997, and has continued every year since. It sounds like a dream come true, but apparently it can be more like a nightmare due to high taxes.
According to a 2018 article in Country Living, “Of the 21 people who’ve won Dream Homes over the years, only six, or about 28 percent, actually lived in their home for more than a year. The vast majority either took the cash alternative or sold the house back to the developer within a year of winning.”
The magazine went on to report that the “grand prize — typically $250,000 in cash, a car, and sometimes a boat, in addition to the home itself, usually valued at $1 million or more — comes with a federal income-tax bill of about $700,000.”
This Jack Daniels tastes a little bit like I’m not going to work tomorrow.
Congratulations on reaching an age where you wake up at the time you used to go to sleep on a Saturday.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
I am pretty sure I’ve met this lady.
So, let me get this straight … there’s no cure for a virus that can be KILLED by sanitizer and hand soap?
You young people won’t get it.
But the answer is … Call me in the morning.
The next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and announce, “now you’re SUPER ANGRY!”
Maybe she’ll laugh.
Maybe you’ll die.
The original cast of “How I Met Your Mother”
This is both my wife and my daughter’s solution
If you love somebody, let them go …
If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.
When I die, I know one of my Grandkids will lean in my coffin, and whisper * Can I play a game on your phone * And that is from our own sweet Leah.
My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. He found that the problem was hair in its ears so he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month.
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some “Nair” hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist tells her: “If you’re going to use this under your arms don’t use deodorant for a few days”.
The lady says “I’m not using it under my arms”.
The pharmacist says: “If you’re using it on your legs don’t shave for a couple of days”.
The lady says “I’m not using it on my legs, either. If you must know, I’m using it on my schnauzer”.
The pharmacist says “Stay off your bicycle for a week”.
Our supply clerk at the factory was in a dither. A box had been left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: “Danger! Do Not Touch!!
Management was called, and we were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed.
When the foreman arrived, he donned safety goggles and gloves, and then he carefully opened the box.
Inside were 25 signs that read, “Danger! Do Not Touch!”
Yup, that’s been my experience.
A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong.
“Nothing,” said the woman.
Not buying it, he asked again.
“Seriously, what’s wrong?”
“Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother’s Day, you don’t even tell me so much as “Thank you.”
“Why should I?” he said. “Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father’s Day gift.”
“Yes,” she said, “but I’m their real mother.”
And that’s it my dear friends … until later on next week. Love and happiness to you all.