Dragon Laffs #1800


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Good Morning Campers,

Wow!  1800 issues!  Isn’t that an accomplishment!  Seems like it should be more, though.  LOL.  Because I can’t really remember a time that I haven’t been doing this in one form or another. 

So … it’s Thursday!  What sort of special days do we have this week?  Well, according to Timeanddate.com Monday, along with being Labor Day was Salami Day!  A day to celebrate that great Italian meat sausage … yeah, I got nothing.  Okay, moving on.  Tuesday was Pardon Day.  A day to forgive and to seek out forgiveness.  What the hell kind of screwed up holidays are these? 

Flipping pages … Wednesday was Teddy Bear Day?  A day to bring out all your teddy bears and thank them for their company?  WTF?  Where’s the pizza, beer swilling, and girl chasing days?  What the hell kind of screwed up holiday calendar is this piece of crap?  Thursday … Swap ideas Day?  Oh for crying out loud!

Look, you guys start going through some fun stuff, I’ve got to find a better calendar with more grown-up holidays.  I want something that involves alcoholic beverages and a wench or two to tell stories to.

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Him: Tell me your wildest fantasies.

Me: 14 hours of sleep and then a buffet breakfast

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Thanks to brother Sasquatch for this one…it is way cool and you should take a minute to check it out.  The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall

This is really sobering. First click on a state. When it opens, scroll down to the city where you went to high school and look at the names. Click on the name, and it will give details of the person’s death, a picture or at least their bio and medals.

This really is an amazing website. I hope that everyone who receives this appreciates what those who served in Vietnam sacrificed for our country.

Pass the link on to others, as many knew wonderful people whose names are listed.

Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall – The Virtual Wall (TM)

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That is actually horrifying … but still funny.

You guys remember we talked about the world’s shortest river?  Well our own Tom J. has experience with it and writes to tell us about it!

Hi Impish, I thought I should do this before it was forgotten. (I have a short attention span these days). It was several issues ago that your “Did You Know” part of Dragon Laffs mentioned the D River in Oregon. The world’s shortest river 402at only 440 feet. The D River runs between Devils Lake and the Pacific Ocean and the length will vary with the tide. It can be as short as 58 feet!

As soon as I read the “Did You Know” thing, my memory was triggered and I thought of an incident way back in the 1970’s.

I was fishing in Devils Lake with a friend. We had rented a small boat with just oars and no motor. We entered or “put in” just where the D River and Devils Lake merged and we paddled our way to where we thought the fish would be. Soon we came upon two beautiful swans who lived at the lake. As they began to swim towards us we realized how big these birds were. They were HUGE! We had several sandwiches we brought for lunch and thought it would be nice to share with the big friendly, curious birds.401

It only took a very short time to learn these guys were NOT friendly. When our food was gone they only wanted to kill us! They began to try beating us to death with their giant wings and then one bit my friend on the leg and knocked him out of the boat. I was able to hold the killers back with my oar while Ron climbed back in the boat and then we got the hell away from the birds from hell.

I suppose we got too close to their nest but if that was the case it seems like there should have been a sign or some kind of warning. In the end we had to buy our lunch and we didn’t catch any fish. I wonder if this is a “Swan Song?”

Thanks Tom.  Thank you for sharing such a great story, brother.

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Your Halloween costume came to my house by mistake today.  Sorry I opened it.  It was a rooster mask and a bag of lollipops.  Going as a cock sucker again I see…

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Really, Really, Really should have thought that one through first.

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My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t intelligent enough to realize how fucking stupid some people are.

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We haven’t done this in a while…

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Put $1,000 in cash in an envelope and mail it to yourself.  If you don’t have the guts to do it, you better vote in person come November.

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THIS JUST IN:  Snow White is down to just six dwarfs … Sneezy is now placed under quarantine!

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I wonder what my kids are going to tell their kids … “It was so rough back in my day, I didn’t get a phone ‘til 4th grade and sometimes the Wi-Fi didn’t work upstairs.”

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That is absolutely awesome!!!

The TV career of Ellen DeGeneres could be ending over reports of her bullying her staff in a toxic work environment.  If true, her next logical career move would be Congress.

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And sure, why not do one of these …

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That doesn’t happen every day

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And this scares the absolute hell out of me.  That the American people can allow such a man to be put up for the highest office we have.

How would you like to tell people you live in one of these places?
Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)
Bastard (Norway)
Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)
Chinaman’s Knob (Australia)
Climax (Colorado, USA)
Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)
Dongo (Congo -Democratic Republic)
Donk (Belgium)
Fuku (Shensi, China)
Fukue (Honshu, Japan)
Fukum (Yemen)
Hold With Hope (Greenland)
Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
Lord Berkeley’s Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)
Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)
Muff (Northern Ireland)
Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)
Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)
Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
Seymen (Turkey)
Shafter (California, USA)
Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)
Stains (Near Paris, France)
Tittybong (Australia)
Turdo (Romania)
Twatt (Orkney, UK)
Twatt (Shetland, UK)
Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)
Wankener (India)
Wankie (Zimbabwe)
Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)
Wanks River (Nicaragua)
Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)

Thanks to Stephanie for that great list.

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Okay, since we’re doing this old school, how about one of these …

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A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?”
Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.”
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”

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Top 10 Valentine Poems

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk


9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine’s card at the sto.
In hopes that later, you’d be my ho.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn’t $250 a night.

6. You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of class
Especially when I’m spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I’m fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so has your ass.

3. You’re a honey. . . and you’re a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo’s “booty”.

2. I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

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All the time, my friend, all the time.

Do you know what 50 Cent did when he got hungry?

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Kids now-a-days:  Shut up mom!

Mom:  [Shuts up]

Me back in the day:  Shut up mom!

Me:  Wh…where am I?

Doctor:  You’re in the E.R.  It’s taken us about  hours to remove this shoe from your ass.

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What if plants are actually farming us, giving us oxygen until we die and decompose back into the earth to consume us?

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And of course we need some of these …

Motivational6

Prostitution15

Solace

solar powered puppy

solutions

Somali Pirates

some days

some girls

Some Habits

Some things

someone

sometimes a

Sometimes

Soon, my pretties

soon

Sorry

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Sorry3

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Wife:  I’m pissed!

Husband:  Again or still?

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I’d rather be locked in the trunk of an ‘86 Buick trying to shave a bobcat’s butthole with a wooden spoon than to vote for Joe Biden.

That’s a really specific comparison.

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Two girlfriends are having a conversation about their boyfriends when the first one says:
“My boyfriend said he fantasized about having two girls at once.”
The other replies, “Yeah, most men do. What did you tell him?”
I said, “If you can’t satisfy one woman, why would you want to piss off two?

And therein lies the conundrum that most married men have solved that most single guys have yet to figure out.  More women seem like more fun … until you have to deal with them for any significant length of time.

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And that it’s for today my friends.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Love and friendship to you all.

Cheers.

Impish Dragon

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #1800

  1. Stephanie says:

    Do you think we could get a member of Rolling Thunder to enter as a 3rd party candidate?

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