I’m so embarrassed.
I had nothing but the best intentions.
But, as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
This was supposed to be my wiz-bang, stupendous, super colossal, “we’re finally in our new home” issue. But, although we are in our house, we’re not really IN our house. If you know what I mean. We are covered in boxes. Plus, not everything is even removed from the old house yet.
Have I ever mentioned to you guys how I HATE to move?
Once or twice you say?
Okay. Well, look. Today is Wednesday and I’ve just gotten this week’s issue started. So, let’s jump into the laughs and I’ll add some more of my wit and wisdom throughout.
Speaking of cats.
When this photo was submitted it was signed:
This is our guidance counselor for the school. He has the ability to look into the future and see what classes best suit the student for his future career. When the Whelpling saw him, he was given classes on geography and auto mechanics. Now he’s a truck driver.
You have reached the breast self-examination hotline. Please press 1 now. Now press the other one. ~Author Unknown
Who ever thought up the word “Mammogram?” Every time I hear it, I think I’m supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. ~Jan King
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. ~Carrie Snow
You ever wonder how we get more space around here when we need it. This is one of our maintenance people creating some new rooms by ripping open a portal to another dimension. After that, she will stabilize it and then other workers can come in and finish the rooms off. When they are done, you wont even be able to tell where you cross into the dimension.
I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ~Erma Bombeck
You would be amazed at how often that happens around here.
This is a great essay by Tomi Lahren on One America News Network (OAN)
More golf stuff for my dad and any other putters out there:
This is a great little spot on the “Death of the Red Baron”. Thanks to Dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, for sending this one along.
Well, it’s Friday night, after ten and I’ve not got this finished AND I have to work in the morning.
We still aren’t completely moved in. But, we will be done by Sunday or I’m just gonna quit!
Plus, Mrs. Dragon’s family is supposed to arrive next Saturday for a little get together. This ought to be fun.
Anyway, I’ll end this with a couple of more funnies and hope and pray to do a better job next week. Enjoy your weekend folks and let’s all meet here again on Wednesday.
Thanks to Jean for this one. As far as I’m concerned, this is the perfect ending for this issue…
I am sorry that I have not been very responsive lately to your emails. I have been somewhat under the weather since my doctors informed me that I have an acute case of Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic War Fatigue (PIST-AWF). For those of you who do not know what that is, PIST-AWF is a newly defined disease that is found to be widespread and highly contagious.
January 2015 – Doctors at the CDC released a statement disclosing a new disease that has already infected over half of the United States and is anticipated to continue to spread. The disease itself affects the cells of a person’s entire body then goes dormant. The disease ravages the body and leaves serious side effects. These side effects have been labeled as PIST-AWF.
* Severe pain of the scalp from pulling your own hair while viewing your president pander to Muslim terrorists.
* Uncontrollable heartburn and/or heart palpitations at 8:00 PM during the O’Reilly factor.
* Loose bowels from swallowing the fact we elected Obama twice.
* Extreme hunger due to vomiting from nightly seeing terrorists murdering innocent people.
* Bleeding from the eyes. This is not Ebola. It is your eyes reacting to accidentally flipping to a channel that shows Al Sharpton as a legitimate news show host.
Since the disease consumes the entire body, every infected person is then identified as the disease itself.
If you feel you have Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic War Fatigue, please notify your local election board and place your name on the list for a cure. It is expected, and sincerely hoped, that the cure will be available in November of 2016 — that is if the people that are sick of this administration will get out and vote.
Considering your move to the new house, you put out a great issue! Nothing worse then packing your “STUFF” and then finding a new place to put your ‘STUFF’ in your new house. The end is near, go soak in the pool after work with a cold beer. Enjoy your weekend!
Dude I ahve no idea why you think stepping on a single Corn Flake makes you a Cereal killer at this late date. YOu’ve been killing cereral by the boxful for DECADES!