As you enter the conference room everything seems normal, with the exception of Lethal’s notable absence, a largish garden gnome mooning the room from atop the podium wit a rather profane message prominently displayed while weighting down a sign hanging over the front of the podium reading:
When everyone has arrived and is seated please push this button.
As you are apparently one of the last ones to arrive for as soon as you get your coffee and sit, Diamen pushes the large button under the note. Immediately the lights start to dim, the projection screen starts to drop and most startling of all, the gnome starts to move, pull up his pants and speaks.
“About fricken time you all got here! I’ll be a week getting that permanent maker off me bum and all this chalk make up off me! That’s not counting the time it’ll take to thawing out me McGoogles neither- bloody Air conditioning!! That’s the last bloody time I make a wager with that sneaky Leprechaun for future favors against his gold!”
He shimmies down the podium muttering all the while and disappears into the descending darkness.
On the screen you can see a hammock and what appears to be an upscale but idealistic setting. Parts of Lethal can just be made out appearing over the edge of the hammock. This mostly involves a hand reaching for and then carefully placing back on the table beside it a large Notre Dame coffee mug. The sounds of satisfaction these trips by the mug produce come through quite clearly, as does Lethal’s comments to you all:
Hello folks! You’ll have to excuse my not getting up but I’m bloody tired from being over worked and not paid. Should you not be inclined to cut me some slack, well that’s what the Sharpie comment on Gregor’s arse was for.
4 special issues this month plus a guest rant for Impish by me already and it’s only mid July. That’s not even counting happenings off blog I’m forced to contend with including a visit from my MiL scheduled to begin sometime today. I figured I was due some time off and since I wasn’t likely to get any with my MiL here post issue I sort of phoned this issue in, by which I mean no Cooking with Chef Lethal feature, no Parting Shot and likely very little of my personal wit or comments depending solely on my mood.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve a full schedule of relaxing this day. I’ve a nice cuppa to finish along a triple berry scone and the end of a good book, some quality time with a cat or two to get in, as well as a pre-lunch/MiL nap to shoehorn in .
Mind you I’m a two year old who can kill you with his empty coffee cup or that blankie half a dozen different ways!
They definitely forgot the empty coffee cup!
According to Impish this was how he received his Anniversary morning breakfast after trying to convenience Mrs. Dragon he was king of their new castle.
Impish definitely had some spot on comments about the entire Confederate flag farce the Blacks are crying over in their latest effort to recharge the race card on Saturday. Here’s my take on it:
A Tale of Two Cities:
Chicago, IL Houston,TX
Population: 2.7 million 2.15 million
Median HH Income $38,600 $37,000
% African-American 38.9% 24%
% Hispanic 29.9% 44%
% Asian 5.5% 6%
% Non-Hispanic White 28.7% 26%
Pretty similar until you compare the following:
Chicago, IL Houston, TX
Concealed Carry – Legal No Yes
# of Gun Stores None 184 Dedicated gun stores plus
1500 – legal places to buy guns–
Wal-Mart, K-mart, sporting goods, etc.
Homicides, 2012 1,806 207
Homicides per 100K 38.4 9.6
Avg. January high temp (F) 31 63
COLD WEATHER CAUSES MURDERS; THIS IS DUE TO GLOBAL WARMING.
Epic lightning during firework display captured in slow motion.
Speaking of Mother Nature’s Fireworks, here’s another awesome display captured split second when it happened
Man just imagine if there was a certain goldbricking dragon snoozing under that tree when it happened….
Hmm… Looks a lot like Impish when he accidentally gets shot with my Tesla cannon!
I was in Walmart the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy.
I said to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The young guy says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
I said, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?”
The young guy says, “Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?”
I said, “Doesn’t matter – let’s look for yours.”
See? Older guys are helpful like that.
We need a few of these scattered around where I live, preferably riddle with bullet holes as well.
Texas redheaded centipede has Internet squirming
6-to-8-inch long centipede feeds on lizards, toads, snakes, rodents
If you hate creepy, crawly things, Texas has just the centipede for you.
The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department posted a photo on Facebook on Friday showing a particularly striking specimen of the Texas redheaded centipede, proving that everything is indeed bigger in Texas.
The centipede, featuring a long black body, yellow legs and a red head and antennas, took a ride on a broom in Garner State Park, located west of San Antonio in the state’s Hill Country.
The centipede, whose Latin name is Scolopendra heros, can be found from Mexico up into the south-central and southwestern United States. They usually have between 21 and 23 pairs of legs and typically measure between 6 and 8 inches long.
Even though it may look frightening, Texas wildlife department officials said the centipede doesn’t pose much of a threat to humans. Bites can be painful, but usually subside after a few hours of swelling and stinging.
However, the redheaded centipede is a much bigger danger to its fellow animals. It often feeds on lizards and toads and has been known to also attack rodents and snakes.
That sucker is 2 cans of Raid minimum and then a vibrating compactor driven over it to be sure its dead! YEESH! <shiver> Let’s see Andrew Zimmer eat one of those and smack his lips!
Or at least mine would if I had one. I refuse to join because the founder and the governing board of AARP use your membership payments to pursue (to the point of actually selling out Seniors) their own liberal agenda. Think I’m kidding? See here: https://www.google.com/search?q=aarp+liberal+agenda&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8
Where there is that much smoke there has to be at least some fire someplace and that’s enough to keep me away right there.
Letterman delivers Trump ‘Top 10’ list
This could very well come to pass, if we’re not careful!!!!
A message from your Queen …
My faithful subjects….As you know, my dear people, the last year for me has been an annus horribilis (horrible year). The Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.
Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you the common people. For the next seventeen months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Mart stores and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land sharing your poverty and hearing about your financial needs !
How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor we had to remove thousands of dollars of China, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given just enough for us to scrape by.
During those difficult times we had to cut back when our daughter was married. We only had $3 million to spend on her wedding and I remember our hopes as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting for her status.
So as I travel across our land to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. You will partake of the Liberal’s Kool-Aid. Then when the time for the royal election comes I know you will crown me as your rightful monarch so that we can all live happily ever after!
Let’s not forget that her and her philandering husband allowed the military to be disarmed when they could have prevented it. They are as culpable as G. H. W. Bush who allowed the policy to be written on his watch.
Diamen must be of a similar mind because as I was about to put this puppy to press this arrived in my Inbox:
An Afghan Muslim immigrant in Texas goes to Dr. of Quackery Lethal Leprechaun and says
“I feel terrible.”
Dr. Lethal Leprechaun examines him and then says: “You need to put your bowel movements and urine in a bucket for a week, then throw in a dead fish and some rotten cabbage. After the mixture sits for another 3 days in the sun, put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days.”
The Muslim does this and goes back to the Dr. of Quackery 2 weeks later and says:
“I feel wonderful! What was wrong with me?”
Dr. of Quackery Lethal Leprechaun replied, “You were Homesick.”
This takes hypocrisy to a whole new level, and could only have been be done in Washington D. C..
The federal government, which has “Tomahawk” cruise missiles and “Apache,” “Blackhawk,” ‘Kiowa” and “Lakota? helicopters – and used the code name “Geronimo” in the attack that killed Osama bin Laden, officially objects to the name of the Washington Redskins.
The ISS as seen silhouetted against the moon through a telescope and attached digital camera.
Centrist sane man will question his beliefs to see that they reflect reality, but the Liberal fool questions reality to reflect his beliefs.
That’s Thursday the head of our HR Department and one of the Weekday sisters. She’s been hanging around the weight room with the Valkyrie and its really starting to show. Just last week the hydraulic lift the kitchen uses to move Impish’s food tray broke down and Thursday dead lifted the tray herself alone.
From Saturday until Monday Impish has had no internet or TV due to his move. This is a graphic depiction of his withdrawal feelings.
At least we have one person out there with a lick of sense and half a brain when it comes to arming our military on base! Here’s hoping other Governors will follow suit!
Gov. Greg Abbott to order National Guard to carry guns on base in light of deadly Chattanooga shooting
Gov. Greg Abbott announced Saturday that he will authorize the National Guard to carry guns at military facilities across Texas.
“It is with a heavy heart that I issue this order,” said Abbott in a press release. “After the recent shooting in Chattanooga, it has become clear that our military personnel must have the ability to defend themselves against these type of attacks on our own soil. Arming the National Guard at these bases will not only serve as a deterrent to anyone wishing to do harm to our service men and women, but will enable them to protect those living and working on the base.”
The U.S. Navy said Saturday that the sailor who was shot earlier in the week at a military support center in Tennessee died..
His death occurred two days after the deadly shooting killed four Marines and injured three others, including the sailor.
Authorities say Kuwait-born Muhammad Youssef Abdulazeez, 24, of Hixson, Tennessee, unleashed a barrage of fire at a recruiting center in Chattanooga, then drove several miles away to a Navy and Marine reserve center, where he shot and killed the Marines, and wounded the sailor. Abdulazeez was shot to death by police.
UPDATE As of 11:00 CST Monday 20 July:
The governors of Alabama, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Texas, Florida, Wisconsin and Indiana have authorized the arming of full-time National Guard members to deter attacks and allow them the ability to protect themselves and civilians in case they are targeted. State Republicans in Missouri have asked their governor to arm the states National Guard as well, however as of press time for Leprechaun Laughs this had yet to occur.
Sen. Ron Johnson a Republican who represents Wisconsin and is chairman of the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee, said Friday he will introduce legislation “calling for the termination of regulations that prohibit members of the Armed Forces from carrying certain firearms on military installations.”
“By disarming the Armed Forces, gun-free policies at military facilities have made our men and women in uniform easy targets for terrorist attacks,” Johnson said.
Defense Secretary Ash Carter ordered that the military deliver recommendations to improve the safety of service members at home by the end of the week.
Utah’s governor said the National Guard was authorized to carry weapons on military facilities last year. Gov. Gary R. Herbert said in a statement Saturday that he directed the Guard to examine ways to further protect military personnel in the state.
I only hope the remaining 41 Governors will wake up, smell the states rights coffee and get on board with telling Washington to get their heads out of their collective arses and rectify this situation for all military bases world wide!
If all ya’ll be excusing me now, ‘tis time for my ‘siesta con gatos’ something which the gatos take extremely seriously and require me to devote my full attention to just as they do.
NO you CANNOT kiss that one Impish, its mine. Go kiss Mrs. Dragon’s butt instead. Need I remind you of what Molly said she’d do with your tongue if she ever caught it out side your teeth within 50 feet of her again? Personally my money is on that industrial meat grinder.