Dragon Laffs #1278


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Adult-Content-1_thumb1_thumb_thumb_t[2]So, you may have noticed that I’ve been out of town again this week and contrary to Lethal Leprechaun’s explanation, it wasn’t for a pie break.  I was in Cleveland for a workshop on Radiation Emergency Awareness and Response.  This was put on by the Ohio FBI.  They did a pretty good job at keeping a somewhat dull topic interesting.  And they picked a GREAT place to have it.  The Renaissance Cleveland Hotel.  Here’s a picture of me in the, indoor swimming pool.  Beautiful.  Relaxing. 

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There were also some beautiful fountains

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Anyway, it was just a short trip and I’m back now.  If you’d like further explanation, you should check out the comments section.  If not, you’re missing half the fun.  And then you can feel free to jump in and make comments of your own and really join in on the fun.  It’s more enjoyable when it’s interactive.
Go to http://dragonlaffs.com and see for yourself!

Now,

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Can you run that by me just one more time?

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These Japanese kids would make Benny Goodman proud!
Whether or not you like swing music turn up your speaker and take a trip back in time.
Amazing how young they are. If you are old enough you will smile, if you are young, you will love it.  
Japanese  Swing. This is good! A Teenage band from a Japanese girl’s school playing Benny Goodman.

This is from a 2004 Japanese movie about a group of kids that form a swing band.  The music is incredible and the performers in the movie actually played the music.  If you watch the video to the end, other excerpts from the movie will be displayed
Be sure to watch it to the end. The faces are priceless.
Click on this link:

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Pun Queen

As the horse said when it ate all its hay, “That’s the last straw!”
 
If you think my puns are bad… just wait ’til they’re full groan.
 
In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.

 
Having my hair cut for free is the only fringe benefit I receive.
 
A fisherman tried boxing, but he only threw hooks.
 
He avoided funerals because he was not a mourning person.The reason weddings are so happy is because so many of the practices that take place at them are custom merry.

 
How do you know you’ve met a good tax accountant?
He has a loophole named after him.

 

 
They served lunch at the auto repair shop, but I didn’t eat it. It was full of carbs.
 
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

 

 
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
 

 

Two ex-cons bought a hotel. They were inn mates.
 
So my friend swallowed a typewriter. Now he’s suffering
from irritable vowel syndrome.
 
I eagerly await any chance I get to see landslides. I’ve always loved the Rolling Stones.

 

 
When those around King Arthur’s table had insomnia, there were a lot of sleepless knights.
 
A panhandler was caught trying to sneak aboard a Princess liner about to embark on a three-day trip to the Bahamas. He was caught by the Purser who threw him off the ship telling him, “Beggars can’t be cruisers.”
 
After the horse ate all of his hay he had a baleful look about him.
 
This guy kissed his girlfriend in the fog and mist?
 
A cirrhosis specialist and a foot doctor opened a practice together. They called it Liver and Bunions.
 
The orchestra leader quit because there was too much sax and violins.
 
Did you hear about the new pinata? It’s a huge hit.

 

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*Art, I’m a museum curator.
*Chuck, I’m a butcher.
*Gene, I’m a DNA researcher.
*Curt and Rod, we are in the drapery business.
*Will, I’m a lawyer.
*Sue, I’m also a lawyer.
*Mary, I’m a justice of the peace.
*Phillip, I’m a service station attendant.
*Bill, I run a collection agency.
*Grant, I would be a loan officer.
*Mike, I’m an announcer.
*Gail, I’m a meteorologist.
*John, I’m a plumber.
*Herb, I’m a cook.
*Stu, I also cook.
*Wade, I’m in swimming pool maintenance.
*Rob, I’m a thief.
*Woody, A Forester.
*Les, I’m a dietitian.
*Harry, I’m a barber.
*Iris, I’m an optometrist.
*Carol, I sing during the holidays.
*Bea, I’m in the honey business.
*Hugh, I’m a painter.
*Jim, I train boxers.
*Brigham, I’m a chauffeur.
*Dean, A college chancellor.
*Nat and Bea, We are entomologists.
*Bud, I’m in flowers.
*Diaman, I’m in rings.

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A RIDDLE FOR
SMART PEOPLE
 
Only 5% of Stanford University graduates
figured it out!
Can you answer all seven of the following questions
with the same word?

1. The word has seven letters…. 
2. Preceded God… 
3. Greater than God… 
4. More Evil than the devil… 
5. All poor people have it… 
6. Wealthy people need it…. 
7. If you eat it, you will die.

 

Did you figure it out?

 

Try hard before looking at the answers

Did you get it?
Are you ready to look?
Okay, down below the picture you will find the answer.

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Back when I was active-duty Air Force, many years ago, I loaded bombs on air planes (amongst other things) and one of the pieces of equipment I used was this MHU-83.  Well, my good buddy Todd found this animated one and I thought it was so cool and brought back such memories that I had to share it with you and publicly thank Todd for his kind consideration in sharing with me.

MJ4

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NOTHING!

NOTHING has 7 letters. 
NOTHING preceded God. 
NOTHING is greater than God. 
NOTHING is more Evil than the devil. 
All poor people have NOTHING. 
Wealthy people need NOTHING. 
If you eat NOTHING, you will die..

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If opposites truly attract, the correct strategy is to be a loser.

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It’s a great day for our president. He’s down in Mexico
for the G-20 Summit. Yesterday he met with Russia’s
Vladimir Putin. He said “I think your communist policies
are a danger to the world.” There’s no word on how
Obama responded.

 

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President Obama signed an order Friday permitting
eight hundred thousand young illegal aliens to remain
in the U.S. He argued that as a practical matter it’s
impossible to move eight hundred thousand people
to another country. That is not true, Mexico did it.

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maintain

Man's Downfall

marriage

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Next month two men in Oregon plan to travel 400 miles
in two lawn chairs, connected to a bunch of balloons.
Or as North Korea calls that, “the space program.”

 

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Now that a president can “selectively” enforce
the law, let’s put full trust in our benevolent
dictator and make everything illegal.  Our new
three branches of government: East Wing,
West Wing, and Oval Office.

 

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This is incredible…fantastic…and unbelievable, all wrapped up in one!  Remember, you have to be on the website to watch the videos…

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Can you believe it? They sent my Income Tax Return form back to me!
In response to question # 4, “Do you have any dependants?”
I replied:
2.1 million illegal immigrants
1.1 million crack heads
4.4 million unemployable people

901 thousand people in over 85 prisons.

and 650 idiots in Washington.

Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

Who the hell did I miss?

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Finally!  I get retribution and satisfaction from my addiction!!!  Woo Hoo!!

Study finds coffee drinkers live longer, but no one’s sure why

MILWAUKEE — One of life’s simple pleasures just got sweeter. After years of waffling research on coffee and health, even some fear that java might raise the risk of heart disease, a01b big study finds the opposite: Coffee drinkers are a little more likely to live longer. Regular or decaf doesn’t matter.  I beg to differ.  It does bloody matter!  Decaf is just brown hot water!  Why would anyone drink that?

The study of 400,000 people is the largest on the issue, and the results should reassure coffee fans who think it’s a guilty pleasure that may do harm.Coffee 6  Guilty pleasure and the good it does far out weighs the guilt that might be associated with it.  I can’t function without my coffee in the morning and don’t think I should have to!

38“Our study suggests that’s really not the case,” said lead researcher Neal Freedman of the National Cancer Institute. “There may actually be a modest benefit of coffee drinking.”  You betcha!

No one knows why. Coffee contains a thousand things that can affect health, from helpful antioxidants to tiny amounts of substances linked to cancer. The most widely studied ingredient, caffeine, didn’t play a role in the new study.  It’s the ingredient that makes the most difference!

Earlier studies weren’t wrong. Coffee can raise LDL, or “bad” cholesterol, and blood pressure at least short term, and those can raise heart-disease risk. NO!  Say it isn’t so!!!!38a

Even in the new study, it seemed coffee drinkers were more likely to die at any given time. But they also tended to smoke, drink more alcohol, eat more red meat and exercise less (You say that like it’s a bad thing!) than people who don’t drink coffee. Once that was taken into account, a clear pattern emerged: Each cup of coffee per day nudged up the chances of living longer. Damn Straight!

The study was done by the National Institutes of Health and AARP. The results are published in today’s New England Journal of Medicine.

This doesn’t prove that coffee makes people live longer, only that the two seem related. Like most studies on diet and health, this one was based strictly on observations. So it can’t prove cause and effect.  Of course you would say that!  Because no one wants to admit that that something that’s considered a vice could be good for us!  What’s next?  Cheap cigars create stronger men?coffee3

But with so many people, more than a decade of follow-up and enough deaths to compare, “this is probably the best evidence we have” and are likely to get, said Dr. Frank Hu of the Harvard School of Public Health. He had no role in this study but helped lead a previous one that also found coffee beneficial.  Alright Frank!  Keep up the good work!

The new study began in 1995 and involved AARP members ages 50 to 71 in California, Florida, Louisiana, New Jersey, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Atlanta and Detroit. People who already had heart disease, a stroke or cancer weren’t included. Neither were folks at diet extremes — too many or too few calories per day.

The rest gave information on coffee-drinking only at the start of the study. “People are fairly consistent in their coffee drinking over their lifetime,” so the single measure shouldn’t be a big limitation, Freedman said.

Of 402,260 people, about 42,000 drank no coffee. About 15,000 drank six cups or more a day. Most had two or three.  I would be in that last category….but only if you changed it to pots…two or three pots a day.coffee15

By 2008, about 52,000 had died. Compared with those who drank no coffee, men who had two or three cups a day were 10 percent less likely to die at any age. For women, it was 13 percent.

Even a single cup a day seemed to lower risk a little: 6 percent in men and 5 percent in women. The strongest effect was in women who had four or five cups a day — a 16 percent lower risk of death.

But Freedman can’t say how much life coffee might buy.  I can answer that question.  Coffee, like pizza, lasagna, manicotti, certain steaks and one or two chili recipes, as well as Slurpees (from 7Eleven, not the generic Icees that are around everywhere) are considered “God’s Food”.  When you die and go to Heaven, there will only be a limited amount of food and drink available, just things that are worthy of being on God’s table.  Therefore, those same foods, on earth, will automatically give you a longer life.  See, it’s not that hard once you think of it in the correct light.

“I really can’t calculate that,” especially because smoking is a key factor that affects longevity at every age, he said.

Coffee drinkers were less likely to die from heart or respiratory disease, stroke, diabetes, injuries, accidents or infections. No effect was seen on cancer-death risk, though.

About two-thirds of participants drank regular coffee, and the rest decaf. The type of coffee made no difference.

Hu had this advice for coffee lovers:

• Watch the sugar and cream. Extra calories and fat could negate any benefits from coffee.

• Drink filtered coffee rather than boiled. Filtering removes compounds that raise LDL, the bad cholesterol.

Researchers did not look at tea, soda or other beverages but plan to in future analyses. I think if they look, they’ll find that there are a few other beverages that belong on God’s table and therefore bestow longevity.  A few German and Irish beers, a sweet, white Mosel wine from St. Michaelsberg, Germany and that’s about all I can think of right now.  And see, that’s the whole point of God’s food.  By definition, you’d be able to think of  it right off.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this little voyage into my insights.  I hope it was as much fun for you as it was for me.

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1278

  1. Thank you so much for that video of the swing girls. It was very enjoyable. I’ve been a member DL/LL for about two-three years and look forward to every Wednesday/Saturday. I was sad when you cut back from every day to just two days, but I can relate. Their just isn’t enough time for a full episode every day, what with work (sorry about swearing) ,family, BEER time and all. Please Keep up all the good work.
    Gary Maximena
    (wizard1952)

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