Good Morning Readers!
Wonder if I have over done my point to Impish as yet?
NAH! When it comes to him getting a message he does want to hear through his thick skull, it seems as hard as spent uranium and as think as battleship armor.
Speaking of the dense one, there has been some progress finally in the bid to clear our beloved(?) fugitive’s name with the Queen of the Dragons after a very dangerous (to my health) but productive breakfast meeting with her last Friday as a result of some legal maneuvers. Look for another update on these latest Impish related events Saturday as he wants to tell you himself
Yesterday as I’m sure you are all aware was Valentine’s Day while many of you sport that self satisfied smug “Oh MAN did I get me some last night!” expression this morning, I see several of you looking rather bleary eyed and favoring you backs which tell me you spent the night on the couch…again. You poor wretches! Haven’t you learned YET that jewelry cover just about any occasion? For Valentine’s Day just place the aforesaid jewelry in a box of good quality chocolates and you needed even gift wrap it!
Shave and a Haircut
Impish walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he’s finished, Impish tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’s had in years.
But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, “Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does”.
Ok so I guess my having to pay up on my bet with Impish over the Super Bowl last week COULD have been a LOT worse. I mean look at what “Extra” television host Maria Menounos had to endure to pay her bet off!
Maria Menounos Rocks Skimpy Giants Bikini After Losing Super Bowl Bet
Maria Menounosis a woman of her word!
The 33-year-old Extra co-host wore a skimpy red, white and blue Giants bikini in New York City’s Times Square Monday. The reason? She lost a Super Bowl XLVI bet to colleague AJ Calloway, 37, after wagering that the New England Patriots would win. (The New York Giants beat Tom Brady‘s team in a 21-17 victory).
And for all you guys who are currently involved in shorting out their keyboards with drool over that bikini (one reason I make sure Impish only has waterproof sealed ones) go here:
for more shots of her in it you perverts!
Speaking of the Super Bowl, last week I mentioned the high-jacking of Clint Eastwood’s supposed to be patriotically hopeful and upbeat ad by Obama’s Media Terrorists. I also confessed my dislike of Rush Limbaugh, but admitted he might have a valid point about Clint having gotten deliberately hosed on the commercial. Well ( Lord Above have sweet mercy) here I go again for the second week in a row saying good on ya Rush! This time it’s for this Youtube video:
If there is a loving merciful god that’s the last time I will have to say ANYTHING approvingly with regards to Rush Limbaugh for the remainder of the year!
# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? – On the rocks
# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships? – Leeks
# What’s the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? – Follow the captain
# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied “off course.”
# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock. That’s more than can be said for his ship.
# I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises. Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.
# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi’s last hooker.
# What’s the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia? Nothing – The bottoms dropped out of both.
Cell Phones and ‘ICE’
Faithful reader and contributor K-Squared send this tip in that might or might not prove helpful in the even you have an emergency and are unable to speak for yourself. See my response to him with my take as someone involved as a First Responder and EMS instructor for many years at the end for another suggestion.
This is a standard procedure all Paramedics follow at the scene of an accident when they come across your cell phone..
We all carry our mobile phones with names & numbers stored in its memory but nobody, other than ourselves, knows which of these numbers belong to our closest family or friends.
If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our mobile phone but wouldn’t know who to call. Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an Emergency? Hence this ‘ICE’ (In Case of Emergency) Campaign.
The concept of ‘ICE’ is catching on quickly. It is a method of contact during emergency situations. As cell(mobile) phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during an Emergency under their name with ‘ICE’ ( In Case Of Emergency) as a prefix.
The idea was thought up by a Paramedic who found that when he went to the scenes of accidents, there were always mobile phones with patients, but they didn’t know which number to call. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name for this purpose. In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital Staff would be able to quickly contact the right person by simply dialing the number you have stored with ‘ICE’ as a prefix.
For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2, and ICE3 etc. A great idea that will make a difference !
Let’s spread the concept of ‘ICE’ by storing an ‘ICE’ number in our Mobile phones today !
Please forward this. It won’t take too many ‘forwards’ before everybody will know about this.
It really could save your life, or put a loved one’s mind at rest.
‘ICE’ will speak for you when you are not able to !
Well yeah this works and arguably works well but there IS one big unmentioned IF in this…
For them to have access you have to carry our cell phone (now largely smart phones) with all you personal data, embarrassing pictures banking access info and the like UNLOCKED. We are constantly bombarded by warnings to the contrary and graphic demonstrations via the news why this is so unwise and unsafe a practice.
The old fashions LOW TECH & OLD SCHOOL way is still the best. Wear the info around your neck. You can get a single dog tag from kiosks in many places for as little a $5 and you program the info you want engraved on it yourself. ALL medical personnel are trained to do what’s known as the neck sweep (finger inside the collar until it reaches clavicle and then around the back of neck to the other side looking for a neck chain with a medical alert tag.
Another good reason for doing this is accidents tend to separate people from things like purses, briefcases, cell phones etc. Sometimes this happens with a great deal of force and distance. Its a sad fact that less than scrupulous bystanders have been known to steal from victims before Police, Fire or Medical Responders can even arrive. You can also be robbed and seriously injured in the process and have no valuables (including cell phone) when help arrives.
I’m not saying this is a BAD idea but I am saying they you should not necessarily bet your life on this plan you need to have an already tried and proven to work well backup plan in addition.
GuessTheSpot.Com – How Well Do You Know Landmarks?
Several photos from planes, can you guess where?
K-Squared who sent this in and I both missed 4 each. Can you do better?
Bottle of Wine
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it’s a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.. God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers; the woman says, “So you’re a man. That’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days”.
Flattered, the man replies, “Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God! But your still at fault…women shouldn’t be allowed to drive.”
The woman continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cork back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police….”
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches.
Don’t mess with us.
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. (Just remember as your financial advisor I get 30% for the advice.)
Watch for these business consolidations in 2012:
1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.
3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.
4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.
5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!
9. Victoria’s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang
Here is a preview of the first product coming out of the Victoria’s Secret/Smith & Wesson merger:
Certainly puts a whole new twist on the phrase “Go ahead… make my day”
Speaking of handguns and storing them securely here’s a low tech anti car jacking device I recently installed.
A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he’s liable to break something, but the boy continues. Johnny!” Mom screams. “Knock it off.” You’re going to break something.
He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store…He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it..
Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets a diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.
When she’s finished, she looks down and can’t believe what she’s seeing. She’s not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he’ll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.
“Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?” she asks.
He says, “I’ve been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I’ve ever actually seen a fart!”
You’re laughing aren’t you …I know you are!!!
I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING!
Because I couldn’t make up my mind you get a twofer today!
Revised Miranda Warning According to Obama and the Liberals
Tax Cut Figures for Thought
Salary of retired US Presidents ………….$180,000 FOR LIFE <<== Plus security for life & part of costs of Presidential Library.
Salary of House/Senate ……………………..$174,000 FOR LIFE <<== This is bloody stupid & an abuse of power.
Salary of Speaker of the House ………….$223,500 FOR LIFE <<== This is bloody stupid & an abuse of power.
Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders …. $193,400 FOR LIFE <<== This is bloody stupid & an abuse of power.
Average Salary of a teacher …………….. $40,065 <<== This is a sodding CRIME!
Average Salary of Soldier…………………. $38,000 (DEPLOYED IN AFGHANISTAN ) <<== This is a fecking INSULT!
I think we bloody well found where the first sodding round of cuts should be buggering well made!
Driving L.L. Bean’s giant boot-mobile
CNNMoney’s Peter Valdes-Dapena climbs behind the wheel of L.L. Bean’s enormous duck boot truck. In case you’re curious, it’s a size 747.
Impish: (Thinking he’s devised a fresh approach to getting lucky) “Darling do I please you in bed?”
Mrs.. Dragon: “Yes I’m particularly fond of that thing you with your mouth.”
Impish: (Positive his plan is working like a charm now) “Oh? What thing? “
Mrs.. Dragon: “The one where you shut the hell up and go to sleep!”
I could never read sheet music…’Til now!!
In DragonLaffs #1260 Impish spoke about he ongoing court case in Georgia meant to determine if Obama’s name would appear on the ballot come November and all the crap that Obama is doing to avoid dealing with the situation head on PLUS all the compelling evidence that he is not even eligible to BE President much less run for a second term.
I commented afterwards that if he was Impeached, then he should be tried convicted and sentenced TWICE, once as Barrack Obama and once as Barry Sorrento since nobody is precisely sure of exactly WHO he is so that all the bases were legally covered and some oily Shark of a lawyer couldn’t possibly pull any fast ones.
In response (presumably to my try him twice comment) Reader Paul writes:
paul says: February 7, 2012 at 18:13
HANG THEM BOTH
My response to that is:
<In my best Foghorn Leghorn imitation> I say..I say a civilized polite hangin’s too good for them fellas Paul.
I think they deserve the traditional ancient fate reserved for traitors but with an updated twist. ( for those of you of a blood thirsty bent or seriously considering the pros and cons of this punishment for this case go to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanged,_drawn_and_quartered otherwise I’ll hit the high points below)
They should be hung, cut down while still alive, then drawn and quartered, and finally beheaded.
Traditionally the head is tarred and mounted on a spike above the entrance to the leaders fortification known as “the Traitors Gate” as an example and warning to all. The reminder of the body it cut into 5 parts and sent to be impaled on a pike on the approach to the major cities of a realm with a plaque stating who they were and that they were executed for the crime of treason. Also all the traitors lands titles and property are forfeit to the crown and their immediate families (if they survived or were not implicated either confined someplace under permanent house arrest or exiled from the realm never to return under pain of death.)
Now for my personal touches or updated twists:
1.) As punishment for and to atone for the continual insults and injustices done under his administration by both him and his Liberal maniacal minions, he should be KEEL HAULED under the USS Constitution by Marines while it is under way even if it has to be towed. The choice of this vessel was deliberate since he has continually chosen to disregard and show his disdain for the legal document it represents.
2.) Since I am unable to locate a “Traitors Gate” on the White House Capitol Federal Building Pentagon or Supreme Court and various health agencies tell me I cannot go placing carrion on 18 foot sharpened poles outside major metropolitan areas due to the possibility of the airborne spread of contamination and disease (to say nothing of the taint of Islamic loving liberalism) I suggest we dispose of his remains in the following manner:
a.) Head – stuff all the legal documents preventing the families of the 281 Marines slain in the Beirut Bombings into his mouth. Fashion a life-like facemask out of pig skin and cover the head with it. Find the biggest designated liberal sleaze ball diploweeniedunker in the State Department that backs this the loudest and send him with it unescorted into Iran to meat with Hezbollah and present it to them with the message “Pig Piss On You Hezbullies! One way or another you’ll pay for your crimes against Americans.” Let’s see how long their good will the State Department is intent on obtaining at the expense of our own people and his diplomatic credentials protects him after that.
b.) The remainder of his Muslims Before Americans Ass: Cut it up in as many pieces as are required to allow the rest of him to be stitched inside the carcasses of dead pigs place these in plastic 50 gallon drums fill them with a mix of pigs blood pigs dung and cement and bury his ass in the deepest part of the ocean we can possibly find using a submarine’s torpedo tubes if required to get him on his way as fast as possible on his trip to hell. Any liberal or ACLU mouth pieces objecting to this can be his pallbearers, 2 to a torpedo tube and loaded in after each drum…alive.
Now perhaps the funniest thing about this next one is that the Spammer couldn’t even get the comment attached to a current posting where my overly magnanimous assertion that this was a half hearted attempt to be topical with a side of spam might hold weight. The comment is attached to a moth old posting of mine ( Leprechaun Laughs # 124 for Wednesday 01/18/12 Posted on January 18, 2012 ) in which Muslims and Terrorist are not even mentioned!
Let the hilarity of watching liberal spammers skewer themselves on their own words commence!
Chloe Mason Pastrefoa Muslim Loving Blog Spamming Terrorist pretending to be on topic but about to be handed her buttsays:
And I also ask them to not be too stupid to accuse Muslims in general of being terrorists, because terrorism knows no religion.
And of course in fine Leprechaun Fashion I responded to her:
Seriously? Have you NOT seen the Youtube of the throngs shouting death to America? The shirt CELEBRATING September 11th with the NON ARAB in it? When was the last time you saw a fundamentalist Christian or Orthodox Jewish Terrorist Group much less a terrorist attack by them that killed thousands in their home land? When was the last time you saw a bunch of Buddhists chanting Death to Iran/Iraq/Saudi Arabia/Syria/Kuwait or the UAE? Where was the last place that Christian, Jews or any other religion known to man tried to usurp the legal jurisdiction of the government and demand that the 10 commandments or the Books of the bible be used instead?
You are right though Chole, not ALL Muslims become terrorists, some become deliberate causalities of the terrorism some become unwanted collateral damage in trying to stop it prevent it or wage war on it and one even gets to become President and suck up to Muslims and terroristic organizations like Hezbollah because of naive deluded people like YOU!
If there was more Karmic &/or Poetic justice in the world we’d need fewer police and prison!
So as I was casting about my Inbox for a subject for this weeks Parting Shot I came across this sent by a (gasp!) nonreader friend resulting in my becoming thoroughly disgusted and discouraged with the future of our nation even IF we manage to reclaim it come November. From this it seems America is only headed right back into the toilet because the Liberals have turn out entire next generation into Occupy This philosophy espousers by brainwashing them during their education.
GOD HELP US BABY BOOMERS!!!!
The American Dream as seen thru the Eyes of American College Students!!!
You only need to watch the first 2:30 minutes of this to see what I mean but feel free to watch it all if you really want to be disgusted and depressed like I was.
So there I was disgusted, depressed and resigned to writing and preaching yet another sermon to the choir when this little gem crossed my screen and gave me cause for a faint ray of hope that perhaps not all is lost just quite yet. Hope that there ARE people out there making their children see the error of the Occupy/Entitlement philosophy and that they need to be responsible for their words/behavior and actions. Teaching that their words/behavior/actions have consequences, consequences that cannot be foisted off on others because we find taking responsibility for them distasteful, inconvenient or too hard to face as the liberal want us to believe is perfectly acceptable.
Daughter’s Facebook post infuriates dad and her laptop pays the price
(VIDEO of dad’s response)
A North Carolina father taught his teen a lesson in tough love when he unloaded his pistol into the girl’s laptop after she posted a lengthy critique of her parents on Facebook, according to a story by Fox5 News in Las Vegas. If you want to see the original Facebook thread, it’s located at: http://www.facebook.com/tommyjordaniii/posts/299559803434210
Dad guns down laptop over Facebook post
Posted: Feb 10, 2012 10:18 AM CST Updated: Feb 10, 2012 10:46 AM CST By Cecelia Hanley
Tommy Jordan used a 45-caliber gun to shoot the laptop nine times. (Source: YouTube)
(RNN) – A North Carolina father is dealing with the firestorm surrounding how he disciplined his daughter for a Facebook post. He put a bullet in her laptop.
Well, nine of them.
Tommy Jordan’s daughter, Hannah, 15, posted a profanity laced-tirade against her parents on Facebook about the amount of chores and duties she had around the house.
“I don’t know how to say how disappointed in you and how disrespectful you were to every adult in your house,” Tommy Jordan said.
Decked in his cowboy hat, he responded to his daughter’s post point-by-point. He then conveyed his disappointment by shooting his daughter’s laptop with his .45 caliber gun filled with “exploding hollow point rounds.”
Even Hannah’s mother asked him to fire one off for her.
Dad then posted his 8-minute video response to her tirade on his own Facebook page, his daughter’s page and on YouTube.
“This is for my daughter Hannah and for her all her friends on Facebook who thought her little rebellious post was cute. And for all you parents out there who think their kids don’t post bad things on Facebook,” Tommy Jordan said at the beginning of the video.
The day before the shootout, Tommy Jordan said he spent $130 and half the day upgrading the computer. He said Hannah must pay him back the cost of the upgrade, as well as for the bullets he used to destroy the laptop.
He said the bullets cost about $1 each.
“I thought you’d have better sense with a father who works in IT,” Jordan said.
Here’s the father’s video:
Poll (stop looking for something to click its results from the FoxNews website poll)
What do you think of the father’s solution?
Here are the results so far:
- Too harsh – 13%
- Just right – 76%
- Didn’t go far enough – 11%
- Just right – 76%
On his Facebook wall, Tommy Jordan responded to his critics. Some suggested his daughter will become a stripper because of his parenting techniques.
“Yes, I shot it full of holes. Would I have received the same viral attention if I’d used it as a dog toy, hit it with a hammer, drove over it with the truck, or simply thrown it away? I’m not sure,” he said.
He also wrote that he will not permit his daughter to speak to the media.
“Additionally, there’s absolutely NO way I’m going to send my child the message that it’s OK to gain from something like this,” Jordan wrote. “It would send her a message that it’s OK to profit at the expense of someone else’s embarrassment or misfortune, and that’s not how I was raised, nor how she has been raised.”
Some people support his actions – a “Tommy Jordan is my hero” page has been started.
Tommy Jordan is using the publicity to raise money for the Muscular Dystrophy Association with a link on his Facebook wall.
Copyright 2012 Raycom News Network. All rights reserved.
MAYBE, just MAYBE there IS a small ray of hope for us after all. I certainly hope so.