Dragon Laffs #1261


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Good Morning Campers…Adult Content 1It’s Saturday!!!!
Well, it’s not that great, cause I’m on my way to work…
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I really need a laugh this morning.  My good friend Samson has gone missing.  Who’s Samson?  Well, he’s a mythical creature, like the rest of us who has the ability to turn into a squirrel.  He was out flying with me the other day…I was still on house arrest, being forced to stay with Zeus, who’s a really mean host, by the way…anyway, Samson and I had slipped out and we went flying, and somewhere over Pennsylvania, he fell off…I tried to rescue him but it was just that time that Zeus’s people caught up with me and brought me back.  Now I don’t know where he’s at.  Probably landed in some Punk Rockers back yard and got painted purple and put in a cage or something…

Anyway, it’s time for some laughter…

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A book store comes alive at night!  Wonderful stop-gap animation!   Really quite good!

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Wow!  Talk about getting even!  Here’s a story that takes getting even to an all new height!

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight — starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down.
We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn’t know what to call her so we named her “Pussycat.” The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, “OK, but don’t forget to wash her. She stinks.” He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) who wanted the dirty cat, not him.
My husband and my vet don’t see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband “El Cheap-O,” and my husband calls the vet “El Charge-O.” They love to hate each other and constantly “snipe” at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building and next door to the vet. The MD’s waiting room was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in. Obviously he had seen my husband arrive.
He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, ”Your wife’s pussy doesn’t stink any more. We washed and shaved it and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and by the way, I think she’s pregnant. God only knows who the father is!” Then he closed the door.

Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!

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Dear FaceBook, please add this button…

31 Dear FaceBook, please add this button

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To go along with out special news today about dear Michelle and Nancy, here’s a poke at Nancy…

Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, the car hits it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy , in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur, “You get out and check–you were driving.”

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it was old. “You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer,” says Nancy.

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face. “My God, what happened to you?” asks Nancy. The chauffeur replies, “When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whiskey, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me.” “What on earth did you say to them?” asks Nancy.

“I just knocked on the door and when it opened I said to them, “I’m Nancy Pelosi’s chauffeur, and I’ve just killed the old cow.”

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Continuing with family video night …

Out-sourcing….all too real!

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I get irritated when people come down on our law enforcement officers, saying that they don’t care about or respect others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category.
This story involves Troopers of the Oregon State Police who reported finding a man’s body yesterday in the early evening, in the Rouge River near GoldBeach. The dead man’s name would not be released until his family had been notified.
The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting “someone” in a local bar . He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 4 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink
G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an OBAMA T-shirt.
The Troopers removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.
See there, Oregon State Troopers really do care !!

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Okay, how about a quick run down of amazing technology…
First, a table that any household would love to have:

And how about a folding, electric bicycle?

And finally, a bedroom TV that is the envy of every man…

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Okay, so I guess it’s going to be one of those issues….here’s a video collection called: “It’s Smarter to Travel in Groups”

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Motivational Ingenuity

That awkward moment

Motivational Tali-Tubbie

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One Liner from Jonathon

I do what the voices in my wife’s head tell me to do.

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Pun Queen

Thanks to Diaman for her usual, um…. contributions.  Yeah, that’s the word: Contributions

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Although skiing is popular in wintertime, it is also a fall sport.

I knew this woman who wanted to marry a ghost….
I don’t know what possessed her!

Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder.

How’s your sick horse?” one rancher asked another.
“She’s in stable condition.”

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Thanks to K² for this…if you are a plane buff, then this one is for you!

You can see why the U-2 is considered the most difficult plane in the world to fly.

Each pilot has a co-pilot, who chases the plane on the runway in a sports car.

Most of the cars are either Pontiac GTOs or Chevrolet Camaros — the Air Force buys American. The chase cars talk the pilot down as he lands on bicycle-style landing gear.

In that spacesuit, the pilot in the plane simply cannot get a good view
of the runway. Upon takeoff, the wings on this plane, which extend 103 feet from tip to tip, literally flap. To stabilize the wings on the runway, two pogo sticks on wheels prop up the ends of the wings.

As the plane flies away, the pogo sticks drop off. The plane climbs at an
amazing rate of nearly 10,000 feet a minute. Within about four minutes,

I was at 40,000 feet, higher than any commercial airplane. We kept going up to 13 miles above Earth’s surface.

You get an incredible sensation up there. As you look out the windows,
it feels like you’re floating, it feels like you’re not moving, but you’re actually going 500 mph.. The U-2 was built to go higher than any other aircraft. In fact today, more than 50 years since it went into production, the U-2 flies higher than any aircraft in the world with the exception of the space shuttle..

It is flying more missions and longer missions than ever before — nearly 70 missions a month over Iraq and Afghanistan , an operational tempo that is unequaled in history. The pilots fly for 11 hours at a time, sometimes more than 11 hours up there alone. By flying so high, the U-2 has the capability of doing reconnaissance over a country without actually violating its airspace.

It can look off to the side, peering 300 miles or more inside a country without actually flying over it. It can “see” in the dark and through clouds.
It can also “hear”, intercepting conversations 14 miles below. The U-2, an incredible piece of history and also a current piece of high technology, is at the center of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan .

Enjoy the ride! Lockheed U-2

Take A Ride in a Spy Plane, Click the link below.

Click Here for a Ride In a U2 – Have Your Sound On

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Dear world,
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Please act like it.

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Today’s Last Word…Since I’ve run out of time, I thought I’d throw in this humorous article that JUST came out…
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A Purple Squirrel In Pennsylvania Provokes A Host Of Theories

A purple squirrel that was captured in Jersey Shore, Pa., has a bunch of people scratching their heads. The AP reports that Percy Emert and his wife, Connie, spotted the squirrel in their yard, then decided to try to lure it into a trap using some peanuts.

This week, the squirrel found its way into the trap. The AP reports:

“‘I thought, “Nobody’s going to believe me,”‘ [Percy] said. ‘Even the inside of its ears were purple. It wasn’t like it fell into something. It didn’t look like that at all.’

“The animal quickly became an online sensation and even has its own Facebook page.

“After the couple released the squirrel Tuesday, Percy Emert said a state game warden came by and took samples of purple fur that the squirrel left behind inside the cage, as well as six to eight pieces of fur that Percy Emert took from the squirrel’s tail before releasing it.

“‘It looked like it was healthy, the only thing was that its teeth were brown,’ he said.”

Accuweather first reported the story today and the purple squirrel has 4,449 likes on Facebook.

But, really, the question is: What’s going on here?

The AP spoke to a curator at the Pittsburgh Zoo who had two theories: The squirrel could have come in contact with a pokeberry patch, but they’re not in season. Or maybe it fell into a portable toilet that had blue coloring.

Accuweather quotes Krish Pillai, a professor at Lock Haven University of Pennsylvania, who had a more serious theory.

“This is not good at all. That color looks very much like Tyrian purple. It is a natural organobromide compound seen in mollusks and rarely found in land animals. The squirrel (possibly) has too much bromide in its system,” he said.

Pillai, however, is a computer engineering expert, so we’re not sure how credible that theory is.

For the record, the Emerts told Accuweather that they did not dye the squirrel. “We just found it and it was purple,” said Connie Emert.

Samson?

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1261

  1. Rick says:

    Good issue! The outsourcing clip was an effectively funny delivery means for the socialist anti-US propaganda that is typical of Canada’s state broadcaster CBC. First the obligatory anti-Bush dig which establishes one’s bona fides – whether one is among Canadian libtards or American democraps. Then the acknowledgement that – largely as a result of unions and litigation – US jobs have moved overseas but oddly – with no apparent awareness of leftist culpability. Then a gun happy yokel (supposed to be another anti-US dig from gun control nirvana) shoots the ‘perp’ – not an illegal or other voting member of the loved-by-the-left criminal classes but tragically a cuddly animal. As propaganda goes, that was slightly less ponderous and a fair bit funnier than their usual fare.
    signed – A Canadian

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