Dragon Laffs #1213


dragon laffs

tickleGood Morning Campers!  And what a fine morning it is, too!  We have a lot to go over this morning, so let’s lead off with something that is near and dear to all of our hearts…. a birthday!
balloon

3happy-birthdayToday is Molly’s Birthday!  Who’s Molly?  Wow, you really aren’t paying any attention, are you?
  Molly is the better half (actually, the MUCH better half) of Lethal Leprechaun.  To the left, you will see a picture of Molly that is a couple of years old.  According to Lethal, this is the last3a known picture that Molly sat still for.  Already the budding author, little did anyone know at that time what a future she had in store for her.  Now, to the right, you can see a picture of what Molly might look like today if a) She would allow a picture to be taken and 2) if anyone had the guts to try.  As to her age, after much consideration and discussion (as well as much ale and good cigars) amongst the Chief Executive Partnership of Impish and Lethal, it has been decided that neither one of us wish to have cockles or mussels alive, alive oh (or dead) inserted in any orifice in our anatomy.  Therefore, the most we’ll say on the subject is:

balloon
3b 
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Such a nice way to start off the day.  Everyone come on up for cake, don’t push, there’s plenty for everyone.  Coffee urn is set up over on the side there.  No, sorry, it’s not the stuff that LL uses….yes, I know it’s better…yes I know you’d rather have that “Brown-Gold” stuff.
Sigh!
This is the best I have…just eat your cake, drink your coffee and be happy before I have to come over there and have YOU for breakfast!
Sheesh!
Some people!

Now, on with the laughter!

We’ll start the day right off with a real groaner courtesy of our dear camper Stephanie:

We took my sons, ages seven and five, up to Friendship Park for a picnic.
 
My seven year old read the sign with the playground rules to his brother.
 
“Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in motion.” “Go down the slide while sitting, only.” “Only one child on a swing at a time.” (There were a good twenty rules.)
 
The boys promised to obey them if I would let them play without Daddy standing by. So, I joined my wife at the picnic table.
 
Just before it was time to eat, I went over and watched them play. They were obeying the rules, that is, all but one. On the tall semicircular slide, they were coming down head first!
 
I took them over to the posted regulations. We read them, again. I asked the boys what they had to say for themselves.
 
“Oh, don’t be silly, Dad…no one uses the slide rule anymore!”

dragon pic
DragonPapa1 (129)

And here’s a couple of puns from our Queen of the Pun, Diaman:

Automobiles may have welded bodies, but there are still plenty of nuts in them.

 He had only a skeleton crew, and made no bones about it.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

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This is so much fun.  I know that in the distant past we’ve used this before, but it’s well worth bringing round again.  Here’s the write up that K² sent along with the clip:

Believe it or not, all of the statistics in the lyrics are
Accurate. Turn up the sound . This clever piece originated in
Australia . It is so very well done most folks don’t realize
How much info he is sharing! Just click once on the link below
Photos by NASA. Enjoy Your Journey….!!!

http://dingo.care2.com/cards/flash/5409/galaxy.swf

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Every person is a fool for at least five minutes every day…
wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit.

 

Dragon Drive-In Movies

Here’s a couple of videos from the dragon’s private collection: 

Three Reasons To Quit Drinking
That’s gonna leave a mark…

 

Can’t see the movies?  Go to the website to view at http://dragonlaffs.com

I was baby-sitting my two grandchildren around suppertime and both
hands were submerged in hamburger when Rufus, the family dog,
barked at the door. I asked six-year-old Nathan to let him out,
and he did. A few minutes later Rufus barked to come back in,
and again I asked Nathan. He told me that the house rule is that
someone else has to do it. I told him his sister was too far to hear
me and politely reminded him that Rufus is his dog. As he stomped
past to let him in, he muttered, “He’s your granddog, you know!”

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Mr. Double Talk Pranks Bridgestone Tour Team
http://www.dump.com/2011/06/06/mr-double-talk-pranks-bridgestone-tour-team-video/

motivat
Dildo TesterDogsfart

Chooka Parker – Australia’s Got Talent 2011 (Audition)

Chooka Parker is a 16 year old self taught piano prodigy from a small country town in Australia. He makes up this song on the spot with no preparation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sp5XzRnNyJ0

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One of the coolest videos I’ve ever seen

Everything is possible…with training and practice

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a28a29a30

I brought a porn film home for me and my girlfriend to watch as she was saying we needed to spice up our sex life but when I told her it was a homemade movie involving a local girl and two guys, she told me to sit down as she had something important to tell me.
I can’t believe she’s had a twin sister all these years and she’s only telling me now.

441

At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children’s
world travels: one son was teaching in Boston,
another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was
completing a yearlong research project in India.

One co-worker’s quip, however, stopped me short. “What is
it about you,” he asked, “that makes your kids want to get so
far away?”

 

WTF
w17w19w20

The Window from which we look


A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.
The next morning while they are eating breakfast,
The young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.
“That laundry is not very clean”, she said.
“She doesn’t know how to wash correctly.
Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”


Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry,
The young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a
Nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:

“Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.
I wonder who taught her this.”

The husband said, “I got up early this morning and
Cleaned our windows.”

And so it is with life. What we see when watching others
Depends on the purity of the window through which we look

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Okay… I bow down to the master!  This has got to be the worst most incredible groaner of all time…

When former Vice President Hubert Humphrey was just starting in politics, the accepted way of meeting prospective voters and contributors was to organize afternoon teas and serve light refreshments. The idea had been used for a long time and it wasn’t as effective as it had been.
Hubert, always the innovator, kept trying new methods. He had a good friend in the actor, Alan Alda, who — in his spare time — managed a number of different entertainment groups.
One of the groups was a singing quartet, The Kingsmen. Hubert employed this singing group, as well as a second Alda group, several beautiful and amorous ladies from Norway, to spice up his parties. But it didn’t work.
The newspapers the next day headlined, “Alda’s cling Norses and Alda’s Kingsmen couldn’t put Humphrey’s dumb teas back to gather again.”

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last word3Okay, am I wrong, or does this guy make sense?

Get Radical: Raise Social Security

AS a labor lawyer I cringe when Democrats talk of “saving” Social Security. We should not “save” it but raise it. Right now Social Security pays out 39 percent of the average worker’s preretirement earnings. While jaws may drop inside the Beltway, we could raise that to 50 percent. We’d still be near the bottom of the league of the world’s richest countries — but at least it would be a basement with some food and air. We have elderly people living on less than $10,000 a year. Is that what Democrats want to “save”?

“But we can’t afford it!” Oh, come on: We have a federal tax rate equal to nearly 15 percent of our G.D.P. — far below the take in most wealthy countries. Let’s wake up: the biggest crisis we face is that most of us have nothing meaningful saved for retirement. I know. I started my career wanting to be a pension lawyer. In the 1970s, lawyers like me expected there to be big pots of private pensions for hourly workers. By the 1980s, as factories closed, I was filing hopeless lawsuits to claw back bits and pieces of benefits. Now there are even fewer bits and pieces to get.

A recent Harris poll found that 34 percent of Americans have nothing saved for retirement — not even a hundred bucks. In this lost decade, that percentage is sure to go up. At retirement the lucky few with a 401(k) typically have $98,000. As an annuity that’s about $600 a month — not exactly an upper-middle-class lifestyle. It’s too late for Congress to come up with some new savings plan — a new I.R.A. that grows hair, or something. There’s no time. We have to improve the one public pension program in place. Should we means-test it? No. I don’t care if they go out and buy bottles of Jim Beam: let our elderly have an occasional night out at a restaurant.

The most paralyzing half-truth in this country is that people hate taxes. People are willing to pay taxes that they spend on themselves. Two-thirds of those surveyed in a CBS/New York Times poll in January were willing to pay more taxes to save Social Security at its modest level. To “save” it, most of us don’t need to pay. We could lift the cap on high earners, the 6 percent of workers who make over $106,800 a year. If earnings above the cap were subject to the payroll tax with no increase in benefits to high earners, there would be no deficit in the Social Security trust fund in 2037, as projected.

If people are willing to pay more just to “save” Social Security, they should be glad to pay more to raise it.

What does it take to get Social Security up to half the average worker’s earnings? According to the National Academy of Social Insurance, to close the deficit and raise benefits to nearly half of average worker earnings, we would need to find an additional 5 percent of taxable payroll, or find the money elsewhere. If we lift the cap on the payroll tax without paying more benefits to those above it, that gets us 2.32 percent (or a bit less if we slightly increase benefits to the rich). Dedicating revenues from the estate tax at its 2009 levels to Social Security gets another half percent. A few other tweaks, like covering new public employees, add another 0.42 percent. The remainder can be found by raising the payroll tax by roughly 1 percentage point for both employees and employers.

I can hear the argument: It will discourage jobs, blah, blah. While I sympathize with the health costs employers pay (I am an employer, at our tiny law firm), they have had a windfall on pensions. In 1975, when I left law school, around two-fifths of American workers were in defined-benefit plans. Now it’s just a fifth, and dropping. For employers, that’s not the real bonanza.

Retirees today are shortchanged on Social Security because they have been shortchanged on wages for their entire working lives. The labor economist Richard B. Freeman points out that the hourly earnings of workers dropped by 8 percent from 1973 to 2005 while productivity shot up 55 percent or more. The United States is one of the few developed countries where workers are routinely cheated of a share in higher productivity.

And where has the money from the extra productivity gone? It’s gone right to the top, to the top few percent. If wages had been paid fairly based on productivity, there would have been enough money subject to the payroll tax to avoid even a modest shortfall.

As I write, the Democrats are proposing to cut payroll taxes — supposedly to create jobs. But the last cut in the payroll tax, a few months back, led to little or no hiring. And did I mention the Paul Ryan plan? Just wait until the Democrats accept some “reasonable” version of this Republican document.

A bigger pension — a raise in Social Security benefits — is the stimulus this demoralized country needs. Come on, Democrats: think of F.D.R., Robert Wagner, or heck, even Lyndon B. Johnson. Let’s ask ourselves: Who are we for?

Thomas Geoghegan is the author of “Which Side Are You On?: Trying to Be for Labor When It’s Flat on Its Back.”

Like LL said the other day, I love it when a contributor does all the work…well, today, I was the contributor, or at least the finder of this article… I would love to hear some opinions on whether or not you think this would work.

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1213

  1. Dan L - NYC says:

    It’s interesting that not one of the Republican “Defenders of the Wealthy” or the Democrat “Defenders of the Working Class (as if!) have even mentioned eliminating the cap after which no earnings have SS/Medicare are taken. As for another 1% on top that would be fine with me.

    One proviso, ALL MONEY STAYS IN A LOCKED BOX AND CAN’T BE RAIDED EVER AGAIN. After all, it’s our piggy bank, not Congress’.

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