Okay guys, here’s the low-down. I am SO FAR behind. Today is Thursday, it’s late, I’ve got a ballgame to go to tonight with a friend to watch her grandkids play. Yes, I said her. I don’t want ANYONE going there! She’s a friend, I like her, and that’s all there is to it. I don’t know why I’m even telling you guys about it … except you guys are family. So, stop the whispering in the back! I said, knock it off!

Anyway, I want to get at least halfway through this for you guys before I have to take off, so… let’s get this party started!!

That was sent in by our own dear Stephanie… but you know what, I like the shirt concept, but not crazy about monkeys … would’ve been better with a dragon. Most especially since I CAN FIX stupid, and I guarantee it’s gonna hurt!

Ahhh, the memories. Good times.

Every time Peter’s mother invited her lover to their home, she put Peter in the closet. 

One day her husband came home early, so her lover quickly hid in the closet with the boy.

“Hey, mister,” Peter said, “it’s kinda dark in here, isn’t it?” 

“Why, yes, as a matter of fact it is.”

“Hey, you wouldn’t want to buy my old baseball, would you? My dad just bought me a new one.”

“No, you don’t really need baseballs in my line of work.” 

“If you don’t buy my baseball,” Peter said, “I’ll tell my dad  where you are.”

“All right, all right,” the lover groaned, “I’ll buy your damn  baseball. How much is it?”

“Fifty dollars.”

The man didn’t want to pay fifty dollars for a baseball, but he decided he had no other choice. The boy figured he was on a roll, so he asked, “Hey, mister, you want to buy my glove?” 

The lover didn’t even bother arguing: “How much?”

“A hundred dollars!” The man had just finished paying up when the woman opened the door and said the coast was clear.

The next Sunday, the boy went to confession because he felt guilty for having conned his mother’s lover out of a hundred and fifty bucks. “Hey, mister,” he said, climbing into the confessional, “it’s kinda dark in here, isn’t it?”

The voice groaned, “Not you again!”

Data Centers are such a BIG DEAL around here right now. They are trying to build one in our county and the county board is being really shady about the whole thing.

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:

“What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?” the minister asked. 

“Try to fix it if it’s big; ignore it if it’s insignificant,” replied the lawyer. “What do you do?” 

The minister replied, “Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. 

The other day I meant to say ‘the devil is the father of liars,’ but instead I said ‘the devil is the father of lawyers,’ so I let it go.” 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little  girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in  white?” 

“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest  day of her life.” 

The child thought about this for a moment, then said,  “So why is the groom wearing  black?” 

A fellow turned to a woman sitting beside him in a bar and said; “Drinking makes you look beautiful, darling.” 

She looked a little surprised and answered, “but I haven’t had a drink yet.” 

He smiled and said, “no, but I have!” 

Yes, I know, this one was a little bit shorter than most, but sadly, I ran out of time and had to call it quits. It was just one of those weeks I’m afraid. There’s always next time my friends. So, until then …