So, this is liable to be a super fast issue guys.  I’ve run out of time on the weekend and the coming week is a mess.  I’ve gotten things set up and ready to go, working Monday and Tuesday, sleeping on Wednesday, leaving 0200 Thursday morning and will be back about midnight on Saturday.  Please keep me in your prayers.  I was prayed over in church this morning, which, of course, made me feel much better, and I’m set up and ready to go.

So, let’s get some funnies going out there for you guys and then I’ll try and keep in touch a little while I’m gone, but with Ken’s wifi out at his house I remember the reception was pure crap while I was there without it, so we’ll see.

How many of you had to memorize that poem in school like I did?

And that is the perfect place to stop with my apologies for a very short and incomplete issue.  No jokes, no commentary, but something to put a smile on your face.  Please, go into this week with the hopes and prayers of God’s blessings of love and happiness for you, until we speak again.

Good Morning Campers,

Well, I have GREAT news and bad news.  Which do you want first?  Oh, and I also have news, news.  Okay, the news, news first.  I found out about the goblets.  They were sent to me by my buddy Jonathan, who I used to dispatch with at the State Police.  You can read his comments in the comments section where he tells me flat out that he told me ahead of time that he was sending them.  LOL!  And he’s right, he did, I just didn’t remember … or didn’t associate them with what we were talking about at the time.  Maybe I didn’t think of such an extravagant gift because, man!  I was gobbsmacked when I saw them.  So, that’s one mystery solved.

Okay, so bad news…

The delays in Dragon Laffs publication are not over with yet.  This next week will be bad.  Today is Saturday, I will try to get a publication out on Monday.  Thursday will be iffy and then you probably won’t see another one until … maybe the Thursday after that.  And since we have another big inspection coming towards the end of April that I will tell you how I got thrown under the bus for later, my time will be taken up with a lot of that, also so for the next month we might miss an issue or two here and there.  But we will get back on track again.  We kind of figured this was all going to happen at some point in time because of the GREAT news, right?  

Oh!  You don’t know what the GREAT news is yet, do you?

But I bet a lot of you can figure it out, can’t you?

My brother’s estate is FINALLY open!!!!  I have the signed copy from the court.  It’s a done deal.  I am finally on the road to finishing this stuff off!  Because of the whole thrown under the bus thing on the base, I have a “can’t miss meeting” with the leadership on Monday and the next flight out is Thursday at 0600.  That means I leave for the airport at 0200.  Then I return home on Saturday.  I have until Sunday to catch up the one mortgage.  So, I land at 0830 on Thursday, pick up my rental car, go to the lawyers office, pick up the paperwork, go to the bank, trust in God that there is money there, negotiate with them for the one mortgage, see if they would possibly cut me two cashiers checks, one for the other mortgage company for the amount that has to be paid by Sunday and one for the balance of the account that I need to bring back with me.  They may or may not be able/willing to do that, so I have to have a plan B and C in mind.  Then I have to go to the other mortgage holder and catch them up.  Then I have to go back to the lawyer’s office and have a real meeting with them. 

Other things I need to do:

• Find tax paperwork
• Talk to Disney about his W-2s
• Search his files for receipts
• Other things the lawyers tell me I have to do

Other things I would like to do:

• Catch up with the friends I made while I was down there the last time.
• Sleep
• Eat

Those last two items I think will end up being optional.  Then I come back home and jump back into the Air Force stuff.  The way I have it planned out, I only miss three days of work, because I’m taking Wednesday off too, and I don’t even have to take leave for those three days because of the 24 hours of credit time I earned LAST week with the killer week I had.  

Just a quick aside, Izzy just read me a bit about a meeting that took place in Uvalde, you remember, where the school shooting took place. Well, some of the parents were quite understandably upset, and one of them, while testifying said, “My child is F**king dead!” Well don’t you know that he was arrested and handcuffed right there!  What was he arrested for?  I’m glad you asked.  ‘This grieving father was arrested, put in handcuffs and taken away for “disrupting a meeting or procession”.  How horrible!  They should throw the book at him!  And bravo for the Uvalde Police who took 7 seconds to neutralize this situation … even if it took 77 minutes for them to do something about someone shooting and killing their children.  There wasn’t even a reason for this distraught father to be upset, it was just a meeting telling him and other parents who had lost their children that their Uvalde Police did nothing wrong that day by standing there and not trying to save their children.

Anyway, you guys are basically caught up, you know kind of what’s going on and what’s to come and where my head is at.  I HAVE to put some laughter out there!  I MUST!  I am going to leave shortly for Izzy’s counselor appointment and she want to go to Goodwill also, which is a thing with her when we go to this appointment.  So, let’s get this started so I feel like I’ve gotten something done.  But, I don’t care if I’m up till 0200 right before publishing time tonight, this is getting done today!!

So, this one comes to us from Aussie Pete.  I’m sure we’ve seen variations on it a million times, but it’s always funny, so let’s see it again, shall we?

10 Hilarious Murphy’s Laws

 1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to go to the restroom.

2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre.

6. Guy’s Variation Rider – If you change queues or traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. This also works in supermarkets and shops.

7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Decree of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. This is also the case if you are female and you have gone out with no makeup and wearing your worst clothes and with greasy hair.

9. Murphy’s Office Law – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will. This will also happen when you show someone that something on the computer is easy and it doesn’t work.  Also works at the mechanics and on the flightline.  Where the car ceases to misbehave or the airplane will not duplicate the writeup.  

10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

This is the greatest sign EVER to find in a pub.  Because by the time most have to use the urinal, they’d be drunk enough to buy right into it!

And maybe I should save this next video for the political section, but I’m not going to plan that hard today, just so you notice in the later part of this video, about the HUGE increase in Chinese nationals crossing our southern border (and then disappearing into our country, never to be heard from again…they don’t mention that part because it doesn’t fit their narrative.)  when they are all lined up, they are ALL military aged males.  ALL OF THEM.

This one is just cool

See, that’s my version of an E-book.

Huh?

So, Leah writes and says:

So, I just never thought about it, hadn’t a clue where the word Berserk came from.  I don’t think I will use the word as lightly ever gain.

Berserker:

an ancient Scandinavian warrior frenzied in battle and held to be invulnerable

one whose actions are recklessly defiant

The Historian’s Den

Ulfhednar, which translates to “wolf-head” or “werewolf”, were a unique group of Norse warriors who wore wolf skins in combat. They were known to operate in small groups and had a connection with the god Odin. Ulfhednar are often likened to Berserkers, another type of Norse warrior. However, while Berserkers were linked with bear skins, Ulfhednar were both metaphorically and physically tied to wolf skins.

These warriors were thought to be possessed by the spirit of wolves and were known to be shape-shifters (mythologically speaking). This bond with the wolf spirit was believed to boost their abilities and fierceness in battle. Similar to the Berserkers, Ulfhednar held a significant position in Norse society and mythology. Their legends have had a substantial impact on how we view Viking warriors today.

This is so cool!  This kid won $10,000 for his school….I think.  Thanks to Stephanie for sending this in.

Because privacy is so very important to us.

A WIFE Sends a Message to Her HUSBAND

WIFE: “Honey, please don’t forget to buy bread when you’re coming home from work, and lest I forget… Your girlfriend Elizabeth is also here and says hello to you.”

HUSBAND: Who is Elizabeth?

WIFE: Nobody, I just wanted you to respond, so I can have confirmation that you saw my message.

HUSBAND: But I’m with Elizabeth right now, I thought you saw us!

WIFE: What! Where are you?

HUSBAND: Near the neighbourhood bakery.

WIFE: Wait, I’m coming right now!

After 5 minutes, his wife sends a message:

WIFE: I’m at the bakery, where are you?

HUSBAND: I’m at work. Now that you’re at the bakery, please buy the bread and go home!

Our receptionist.

Who Knew? Really Interesting Story

When baseball greats Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig went on tour in baseball-crazy Japan in 1934, some fans wondered why a third-string catcher named Moe Berg was included. 

Although he played with five major-league teams from 1923 to 1939, he was a very mediocre ball player.  But Moe was regarded as the brainiest ballplayer of all time.  In fact Casey Stengel once said:  “That is the strangest man ever to play baseball”. 

When all the baseball stars went to Japan, Moe Berg went with them and many people wondered why he went with “the team”

 

Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth

The answer was simple: Moe Berg was a United States spy, working undercover with the Office of Strategic Services (predecessor of today’s CIA).

Moe spoke 15 languages – including Japanese.  And he had two loves: baseball and spying.

In Tokyo, garbed in a kimono, Berg took flowers to the daughter of an American diplomat being treated in St. Luke’s Hospital – the tallest building in the Japanese capital.

He never delivered the flowers.  The ballplayer ascended to the
hospital roof and filmed key features: the harbor, military installations, railway yards, etc.

Eight years later, General Jimmy Doolittle studied Berg’s films in planning his spectacular raid on Tokyo..

His father disapproved and never once watched his son play. In Barringer High School, Moe learned Latin, Greek and French. 
Moe read at least 10 newspapers everyday.

He graduated magna cum laude from Princeton – having added Spanish, Italian, German and Sanskrit to his linguistic quiver. During further studies at the Sorbonne, in Paris, and Columbia Law School, he picked up Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Indian, Arabic, Portuguese 
and Hungarian – 15 languages in all, plus some regional dialects.

While playing baseball for Princeton University, Moe Berg would describe plays in Latin or Sanskrit. 

Tito’s partisans

During World War II, Moe was parachuted into Yugoslavia to assess the value to the war effort of the two groups of partisans there.  He reported back that Marshall Tito’s forces were widely supported by the people and Winston Churchill ordered all-out support for the Yugoslav underground fighter, rather than Mihajlovic’s Serbians.

The parachute jump at age 41undoubtedly was a challenge. But there was more to come in that same year. Berg penetrated German-held
Norway, met with members of the underground and located a secret heavy-water plant – part of the Nazis’ effort to build an atomic bomb.

His information guided the Royal Air Force in a bombing raid to destroy that plant.

The R.A.F. destroys the Norwegian heavy water plant targeted by Moe Berg. 

There still remained the question of how far had the 
Nazis progressed in the race to build the first Atomic bomb.  If the Nazis were successful, they would win the war.  Berg (under the code name “Remus”) was
sent to Switzerland to hear leading German physicist Werner Heisenberg, a Nobel Laureate, lecture and determine if the Nazis were close to building an A-bomb.  Moe managed to slip past the SS guards at the auditorium, posing as a Swiss graduate student.  The spy carried in his pocket a pistol and a cyanide pill.

If the German indicated the Nazis were close to building a weapon, Berg was to shoot him – and then swallow the cyanide pill. Moe, sitting in the front row, determined that the Germans were nowhere near their goal, so he complimented Heisenberg on his speech and walked him back to his hotel. 

Werner Heisenberg -he blocked the Nazis from acquiring an atomic bomb 

Moe Berg’s report was distributed to Britain’s Prime Minister Winston Churchill, President Franklin D. Roosevelt and key figures in the team developing the Atomic Bomb. Roosevelt responded: “Give my regards to the catcher.”

Most of Germany’s leading physicists had been Jewish and had fled the Nazis mainly to Britain and the United States.  After the war, Moe Berg was awarded the Medal of Freedom – America ‘s highest honor for a civilian in wartime.  But Berg refused to accept it because
he couldn’t tell people about his exploits.

After his death, his sister accepted the Medal. It now hangs in the Baseball Hall of Fame, in Cooperstown.

Presidential Medal of Freedom: the highest award given to civilians during wartime.

Moe Berg’s baseball card is the only card on display at the CIA Headquarters in Washington, DC.

So now you know!

Wow!  What a story!  Thanks to our brother Joe for sending that one in!

I laughed so hard at this one.

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. 

There are three signs of old age. 
The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. 

You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along. 

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds? 

You know you’re getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you. 

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired. 

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. 

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle. 

Of course I’m against sin; I’m against anything that I’m too old to enjoy. 

Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.
What must hell possibly be like? 
Home videos of the same reunion? 

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. 

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier. 

You know you’re into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. 

At my age, “getting a little action” means I don’t need to take a laxative. 

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. 

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

You’re getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. 

You’re getting old when you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started. 

You’re getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don’t know until Labor Day. 

You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before. 

The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. 

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. 

It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything. 

You know you’re getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money. 

The priest is repairing the church fence. A boy is standing nearby for a long while. 

The priest asks him: “Do you want to speak with me, my son?”

“No, I’m just waiting.” 

“Waiting for what?” 

“Waiting to hear what a priest says when he hits his finger with a hammer.”

Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age.

Christopher Morley (1890-1957)

If all the cars in the country were pink, what would we have?

 

A pink car nation.

At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen.

“Paddy,” he asked casually, “didn’t you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?”

“That I did, sir.”

“And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny world. Things in life aren’t divided equally, are they?”

“No, that they ain’t sir,” agreed Paddy, as he proudly slapped the mortar along the line of bricks. “Me poor brother couldn’t do this to save his life!”

This one is a real oldie and goodie…in fact, so old, I couldn’t remember the punch line until I got to the end.  Thanks Joe.

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits  down, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.

The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and  turns to the ostrich.  “What’s yours?”  “I’ll have the same,” says the  ostrich.

A short time later the  waitress returns with the order. “That will be $6.40 please,” and the man  reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for  payment.

The next day, the man  and the ostrich come again and the man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a  coke,” and the ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”  Once again the man  reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter  again. “The usual?” asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I  will have a steak, baked potato and salad,” says the man. “Same for me,” says  the ostrich.

A short time later  the waitress comes with the order and says, “That will be $12.62.” Once again  the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.  The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse  me, sir. How do you manage to  always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every  time?”

“Well,” says the man,  “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I  rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if  I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right  amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would  wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls  Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the  man.

The waitress asks, “One  other thing, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

Now, being a Dragon of Polish descent, I have a very strong affinity for Vodka, but I’ve got to say, I don’t think I could stomach this stuff…

A priest, a rabbi and a Pentecostal preacher all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.  They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk “shop”. One day someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really that hard.  A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.  Well, one thing led to another and before it was over they decided to do a seven-day experiment.  They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it.

It’s now 7 days later and they’re all together to discuss the experience.

Father O’Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages goes first.  “Wellll,” he says in a fine Irish brogue, “Ey wint oot into th’ wooods to fynd me a bearr.  Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Chatecism.  Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi’ me und begun to slap me aboot.  So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gintle as a lamb.  The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation.”

Reverend Billy Bob speaks next.  He’s in a wheel chair, with an arm and both legs in casts and an I.V.  drip.  In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaims, “WELL brothers….you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle……..WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear.  And then I began to read to him from God’s HOOOOLY WORD!  But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.  I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me.  So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle.  We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another untill we come to a crick.  So’se I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul.  An’ jus like you you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb.  We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God’s HOOOOLY word.”

They both look down at the rabbi who’s laying in a hospital bed.  He’s in a body cast & traction with IV’s and monitors running in and out of him.  The rabbi looks up and says “Oy!  You don’t know what tough is until you try to circumcise one of those creatures.”

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady’s teeth.  He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell  her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves…

“Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?”

She said, “No?”

“Well,” he spoofed, “down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big ‘Finished Goods Crate’ and start the process all over again.”

And she didn’t laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, “I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!”

 

The secret of making a marriage last.

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in New York.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said, “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, “In the lake.”

8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!

9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”

And another…

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house. 

After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a near-by city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week. 

Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away. “There’s just one problem,” explained the model. “Because of my job, I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don’t have a bath.” 

“That’s not a problem,” replied Doris. “We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water.” 

“What about your husband? asked the model. 

“Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings,” replied Doris. 

“Good,” said the model. “Now that that’s been settled, I’ll go to the studio and see you tonight.” 

That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model. 

After stripping off, the model stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair. 

The model noticed Doris’ staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimmer or underclothes. 

Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity and he does not believe her. 

“It’s true, I tell you!” said Doris. 

“Look, if you don’t believe me, tomorrow night I’ll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself.”

The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath for the model. 

As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her.

Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed towards the model’s naked pubic area. 

Then she lifted up her skirt and wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass. 

Later Fred returned and they retired to bed. 

“Well, do you believe me now?” she asked Fred. 

“Yes, he replied. “I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. 

But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?” 

“Just to show you the difference,” answered Doris. “But I guess you’ve seen me millions of times.” 

“Yes, said Fred, I have, but the rest of the dart team hadn’t.” 

This guy’s in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, “Ballroom please.” 

A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was crowding you.” 

That’s it my friends.  I didn’t get to all the stuff I wanted to talk about, but I did get to all the funny stuff and let’s face it, that’s what most of you are here for.  So, I’ll try to put another issue together for Monday and if I can’t make it maybe I’ll slide it till Tuesday.  Until then, May God Bless you with Love and Happiness.

Yup, I’m ready to cry.  For a couple of different reasons.  First of all, it’s Monday and I still haven’t gotten the letter back from the court and I’m running out of time.  Second, I just spent the last 6 days working 12 to 14 hour shifts, being pulled from pillar to post, to be used, abused and beaten like a red-headed step child.  I was not only thrown under the bus, the bus stopped, backed up, ran over me going backwards, stopped again, did a burnout on top of me before peeling out and going again.  It is way, way, WAY too much to go into right now, but now I have about a month to fix a problem…for every office…in every building…on the entire base…that higher headquarters created…that I am one of the few people on base who even understand the problem…

And in between I STILL might have to fly to Florida.  I expect to hear that the court has signed the papers any second and I have companies turning to me asking for answers and making stupid demands and I am trying SO HARD to be a good, Christian man.  

Why would a subscription virus protection service need a copy of the death certificate to cancel his subscription? (Norton).  When his credit card company was perfectly alright without it.

Anyway, I wanted to keep you guys updated.  It’s been almost a week since I was on my computer last and since I’ve gotten any real sleep last.  But I did want to say a huge, tremendous wonderful thank you to…..somebody.

Right?

I got a box in the mail the other day with no return address…well…other than the manufacturer…and when I opened it there was such a lovely gift and no card and no letter and no indication of who they were from.  No one has said anything to me, so whoever it was, you touched my heart.  Thank you.

Oh!  I’ll bet you’re wondering what was in the box…well…I’m going to say goodnight now.  I’ve got to be back up again in a couple of hours, but I’m going to drop a picture first.  Aren’t they cool?

Okay, so good news bad news.  There won’t be an issue on Thursday, and probably not on Saturday, or Monday and the way things are looking maybe not next week.  There are a couple of reasons for this.  The first is that the darn exercise kicked off early, today to be exact and I will be working long shifts all week and through the weekend and won’t have time to breath, much less work with you guys.  I’m really sorry, but we’ve been through this before.

The other reason is that the PAPERWORK HAS FINALLY BEEN SIGNED!!!!!  And if the lawyers can get it signed by the court I will probably be in Florida next week taking care of business and saving my brothers house from foreclosure.  I feel like a ton of weight has been lifted from my chest.  Now, what I need for you guys to do is PRAY!

PRAY that there is money in his account down there to take care of everything so that it all works out for the best!

That’s all I got.  I’ll try to keep you guys informed, but for now.  Thanks for being understanding and thanks for being you guys.

Love,

Impish

Good Morning Campers,

It is drawing me again.  I can hear the Spirit calling to me to write more.  The last article is finished, or at least I thought it was…it is…but is it just an article?  Part of a booklet?  A chapter in a book?  A book of articles?  Does it all tie together with some of the other stuff I’ve written?  I wish I could share it with you guys, but it’s a bit long to put here in Dragon Laffs.  I was wondering about starting another website just to try out that sort of thing, but then would I just be satisfied with posting stuff there and not try to put it out further?  

Every website/Christian Magazine that I’ve looked at so far has either not responded to me or espouses the same opinions that I am critical of.

But, the Spirit is telling me to write…so I will write.

And I will talk and visit and laugh and comfort with and to you guys.  Maybe I will post my current article in two or three parts for you guys in my Last Word section.  Maybe.

Wow!

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.

After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn’t need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. “I’m blessing it,” the priest replied.

The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue.

He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.

The room service waiter at the Naples Ritz Carlton, after setting up a table for an elaborate dinner for two, asked, “Will there be anything else, sir?”

“No, thank you,” the gentleman replied. “That will be all.”

As the waiter turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. “

Anything for your wife?” he asked.

“Yeah! Now that you mentioned it, that’s a good idea,” the gent said.

“Can you please bring up a postcard!”

“Sex education has its own special problems,” an instructor in the field pointed out to me. 

“One of my students has become pregnant, and I don’t know whether to flunk her or give her extra credit.” 

I think I might just be in Love!

This is very cute!  Thanks Joe for the video and I agree with your comment.

Here’s another cool one that I thought you’d like…

Boy ain’t that the truth.

“Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.”

Albert Camus (1913 – 1960)

Life Insurance is something that keeps a poor man poor all his life so he can die rich.

This is a GREAT shirt sent in by Pop Smith

Maine Law

You may not step out of a plane in flight.

 The teacher asked her class, “What do you want out of life?”

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, “All I want out of life is four little animals”.

The teacher asked, “Really and what four little animals would that be, sugar?”

The little girl said, “A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for it all.”

The teacher fainted

As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business.   

Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church, which she had always attended as a child. 

In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work. 

She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant. 

She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage.  

She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and back flips. 

Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies. 

They witnessed Lena’s acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other: “Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin’ out this night, and me without me bloomers on!” 

Michael: “I think that the cute little pharmacist down at the pharmacy  is stuck up.”

Roy: “Why do you say that?”

Michael: “Well, I ask her out every month when I go in to get my herpes and hemorrhoid medicines, but she just looks at me like I’m a leper or something.”

THINGS NOT TO SAY ON YOUR VALENTINE’S DATE

Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?

I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it’s not good to mix alcohol and penicillin.

I used to come here all the time with my ex.

I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.

Could you excuse me?  My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.

And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.

I know you said you don’t eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.

It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.

I want this guy as MY doctor!

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were  spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was,  “Do you have a condom?”

Donald frowned and said, “No.”

Daisy told Donald that if he didn’t get a condom, they could not have sex.

“Maybe they sell them at the front desk,”  she suggested.

So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.

“Yes, we do,” the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.

The clerk asked, “Would you like me to put them on your bill?”

“Thit No!” Donald quacked,  “I’d thuffocate!” 

Yup, figured that one out a while ago…

I miss mean tweets and world peace…

This is a really good spot to put in this one that brother Sasquatch sent me.  Read this one closely and then read it again.  For all your friends out there who think that taking guns away from everyone will solve all the problems and for all the ones that think that stricter gun control laws will solve all the problems.  Izzy Dragon was one of those and then I read her this and we talked about it and she had her eyes opened…not all the way, yet.  But it’s a start.  Thanks, my hairy brother.

Why You Need a Gun

A couple years ago I was working security at a bar in northern Virginia. I overheard a table of college kids arguing about gun rights and gun control and it was getting far too emotional so I did what any sane combat veteran would do and attempted to exfiltrate. I must not have withdrawn as surreptitiously as I intended, because I was stopped in my tracks when a 5-foot-nothing brunette seemingly leapt in front of me and blurted out “excuse me, can you help us?”

I’m sure I must have looked irritated as I cycled through the possible quips and excuses I considered available to me, but being uncertain that she wasn’t some Senator’s daughter, I caved: “What’s up?”

She basically leads me to this table of 2 other females (probably both named Karen) and a very soft looking male.

Becky: “So, we were just talking about current events and, you know. So, you look like you’re probably in the military, right? Like the Army?”

(When you accuse someone of being in the military, you probably don’t need to give an example)

Me: “Similar.. yeah”

Becky: “Right. Okay. So, do you think civilians should be allowed to own guns?”

Me: “Most of us. Yes.”

Becky: (clearly not happy with my answer) “Okay, so, why do you think you need a gun?”

(At this point it’s almost 2am and I’ve just given up on patience. Hold my beer)

(So I said with intentionally overt condescension): “Oh, honey, I don’t. I don’t need a gun.” Becky stares at me blankly, so I continue, but with a more serious tone: 

“I could follow you home, walk up your driveway, and beat you to death with the daily newspaper.

I could choke you to death with that purse.

I could take a credit card, break it in half, and cut your throat open with it.

With enough time and effort I could beat your boyfriend here senseless with a rolled up pair of socks.

I could probably dream up six dozen other ways I could easily end your life if you gave me an hour or so.

If I wanted to, I could wrap my hand around that beer mug and kill all four of you before you could make it to the exit. The worst part is, in your utopian little fantasyland, there ain’t a single thing any of you could do about it.

I don’t need a gun.

YOU need a gun.

You need a gun because of men like me.”

Call me a jerk, but if you want to keep your guns, these are the conversations we all need to start having.

The gun is the first weapon not dependent upon the strength of its operator for its efficiency. God made big men, and God made little men (and women), and Smith & Wesson/Colt/Ruger/SA make the equalizer for them all.

And that is probably the very best example I’ve heard in a long time as to why we should be arming most everybody in America.  That is why we have an armed security team at our church every Sunday.  And I heard today, at church, that there are states…or the federal government (I’m not sure which) that are trying to make laws to make it illegal to form armed security teams at churches. I’m not sure HOW they can do that, but they are doing so many other anti-Christian things, that it wouldn’t surprise me. 

You ask me, “What anti-Christian things?” 

Okay, how about the fact that that people are getting arrested for FELONY discrimination charges for doing a burnout on a painted LGBTQ…whatever sign or flag in an intersection and others who destroy and burn churches are released with a warning?  How about the fact that burning the American Flag is an act of free speech and again, burning the LBG alphabet flag is a hate crime?  They are coming for us, my friends. 

The democrats next choice?

This is a cool story sent in by our own dear Stephanie.  Especially if you are in to 60’s and 70’s rock.  The True Story of The Fake Zombies….https://www.buzzfeed.com/danielralston/the-true-story-of-the-fake-zombies-the-strangest-con-in-rock

Another cool site from Stephanie

The Waterman Arrowbile – Waldo Waterman was the first American to make a true flying car

Click Here

I think I’ve mentioned before how intrigued I am with submarines…this one is pretty cool

Sadly, that has to be it for today my friends.  Until next time, whenever that might be.  I’ll try to keep you informed one way or the other.  God Bless you all until we meet again.