My apologies, looks like the next issue won’t make it out until Saturday my friends. I’m buried with work and meetings and such this week. There is an explanation coming with the issue, but there is not enough done of it to be an issue. Maybe if I can sneak enough in on my lunch hour to get something there I’ll send it out, but…doubtful.
I just didn’t want you guys to worry.
So, until then, God Bless you all.
So many things going on…I wish I could talk about some of them. Of the things I CAN talk about, can I ask you guys a question? It may seem rhetorical, but I’m being serious.
What in the world is wrong with people?
Okay, so maybe I need to be a little more specific…
Why is it that people don’t use the brains and the common sense that God gave them to do their own thinking instead of engaging in wishful thinking or no thinking at all? Why is it that they can’t see the evil that is being perpetuated right in front of them?
I know, I know. Some of you are out there saying, “What in the world is Impish on about, now?” and you are shaking your heads and rolling your eyes.
So many, many things my friends. Let’s take one “for-instance”…Monkeypox. It was just declared a pandemic by the World Health Organization. Thank God we didn’t join up with them like the current administration has been trying to do. If we had, we’d be talking about mask mandates, mandatory vaccines, sheltering-in-place and all kinds of other STUPID things right now.
Like I tried to explain to a panicking Izzy Dragon the other day, please listen to me, this is part of what I do for a living. I do it on a weaponized front, so I’m actually a little more attuned to different factors.
The politicians are going to have us believe that we HAVE to get a brand new vaccine that, of course, is safe and effective, just like the covid vaccine that wasn’t a vaccine. Here’s the truth. Monkeypox is a very similar thing to smallpox, which we eradicated in the 80s. Smallpox was infectious in about 40-50% of the people exposed. In other words, roughly up to half of the people exposed to smallpox, got smallpox. Monkeypox is infectious in 1-10% of the people exposed. Plus it’s much milder. If you’ve been vaccinated for smallpox, you’ve been vaccinated for monkeypox. NO MATTER WHAT THEY TRY TO TELL YOU.
Google it for yourself.
Okay, again, me being paranoid, that was an AI response and that just proves to me that they may already be tweaking the responses because I have it in my notes from school that the smallpox vaccine would completely prevent monkeypox and a few other possibly weaponized viruses. Even at 85% and a 10% infection rate, I’ll take my chances rather than submit myself to a vaccine from a government that I no longer trust.
Anyway, back to my original question about people not using their brains, we just sat here and in 5 minutes, did our own research and came to a conclusion…or at least I did. Why is it that so many people will just listen to the mainstream media, or Twitter, or Facebook and just swallow everything they read as if it were Gospel?
Several years ago: The administration announces that Kamala will be the Border Czar.
The MSM announces with bells and whistles that Kamala is The Border Czar!!!
The administration makes a bloody mess of the border.
Kamala is now the democrat presidential selectee. (not nominee, she wasn’t nominated. She wasn’t voted for.)
The PEOPLE are upset (finally) over the border.
The administration says, “Kamala was never in charge of the Border.”
The MSM says, “What are you talking about, Kamala was never this so-called Border Czar. That’s not even a thing.” And they go about making all those articles disappear from existence.
The Sheeple say, “Yeah, yeah, no Border Czar, no Border Czar.” And get defiant when you try to tell them otherwise.
Or maybe it’s me and I’M the one who’s crazy.
There’s proof that the Secret Service LET the sniper in that tried to shoot Trump.
THEY DID NOT!
Maybe it’s me…
Beginning to be proof…or the beginnings of proof of a bomb planted by the SS on January 6th outside the Capitol. Back up plan?
THEY DID NOT!
Maybe it’s me…
Lynn sent us an email that I’ll put in later that shows some truly amazing connections. Impish has several very strong rules that I live by that have been honed by a VERY unusual life. Maybe later I’ll lay out the whole list for you…both the list of the unusual life and the list of rules, but one of the rules is that THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES.
Robert Heinlein wrote: “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.” And that is never more true than it is right now in our human history. I really need to get this issue started before I have to go and get the Izzy Dragon from work, so let’s get going on the laughter and I’ll probably throw some asides in here from time to time.
This is the top 10 Christian Pickup lines from a comedian on Facebook reels and I can’t figure out how to play it for you, so I am going to transcribe it for you instead.
#1 Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives, because he never met you.
#2 Girl, you’re just like water, but Jesus turns you into fine wine.
#3 So here’s the question. How many times do I have to walk around you to get you to fall for me?
#4 You know The Word says to think about things that are pure and lovely and excellent? I’ve been thinking about you all day long.
#5 So in my devotion time today I was reading in the Book of Numbers and I had a revelation. I don’t have yours.
#6 Is your name Grace? Because you are amazing. Oh it’s not? Then it must be Faith, because you are the substance of what I have been hoping for.
#7 I really believe the Lord has called you. Can I call you, too?
#8 I would say God Bless You, but it’s obvious He already has.
#9 I think we need an altar call for repentance tonight because you have stolen my heart.
#10 Is this seat saved because I definitely am.
And that was from our dear Stephanie…way back in March.
Me too!
An Illinois cafeteria worker is heading to prison after stealing $1.5 million worth of chicken wings from a school district.
On Friday, August 9, former Harvey School District director Vera Liddell pleaded guilty to the crime, according to WGN-TV, ABC and CBS.
She was charged with theft and operating a criminal enterprise, the outlets reported, and has since been sentenced to nine years in prison.
PEOPLE reached out to the Cook County State’s Attorney’s Office for additional information, but did not immediately hear back. It is not immediately clear if Liddell has legal representation to comment on her behalf.
Liddell, 68, previously served as the food service director for the Chicago school district, despite having multiple bankruptcies in her past, according to CBS.
Per ABC, prosecutors said Liddell placed orders for the chicken wings with the district’s main food supplier for nearly two years, starting in July 2020, though she would keep the food, despite charging the district.
Liddell’s theft was discovered after the district’s food service department exceeded its annual budget by $300,000 mid-year, the outlet said.
Court records obtained by CBS state that the former school worker was accused of ordering more than 11,000 cases of chicken wings.
The food was meant to be used for take-home meals for students who were learning remotely during the COVID-19 pandemic, WGN reported. Liddell had worked at the school district for more than a decade, the outlet said.
“The massive fraud began at the height of COVID during a time when students were not allowed to be physically present in school,” said a prosecutor during a bond hearing, per WGN-TV. “Even though the children were learning remotely, the school district continued to provide meals for the students that their families could pick up.”
Seriously? That’s pretty low…for anybody.
Hey! That’s wild! So is mine!
A tiny bit before I started driving. I should’ve started in 1974 or 75.
Yeah? And? You say that like it’s a bad thing.
(Snicker) If you don’t get that one, here, (snort…) Let me help. And for those of you with an earwig now for the rest of the day… I’m really not sorry, because I’ve got one as soon as I saw this picture. And if I have to have one, EVERYONE HAS TO HAVE ONE!!! The original…
And on the Ed Sullivan Show..
And believe it or not…
“Mah Nà Mah Nà” is a popular song by Italian composer Piero Umiliani. It originally appeared in the Italian film Sweden: Heaven and Hell (Svezia, inferno e paradiso). It was a minor radio hit in the United States and in Britain, but became better known internationally for its use by The Muppets and on The Benny Hill Show.
“Mah Nà Mah Nà” first gained popularity in English-speaking countries from its use in the recurring cold open blackout sketch for the 1969–1970 season of The Red Skelton Show first airing in October 1969. [citation needed]
Sesame Street producer Joan Ganz Cooney heard the track on the radio and decided it would be a perfect addition to the show. It was first performed by Jim Henson, Frank Oz and Loretta Long (Susan) on the fourteenth episode of the show, broadcast on November 27, 1969. The following Sunday, Henson and his Muppets performed the song on The Ed Sullivan Show. Seven years later the song was part of the premiere episode of The Muppet Show in 1976.
Starting in 1971, The Benny Hill Show—in its second incarnation now at Thames Television where it launched in 1969 in colour—implemented “Mah Nà Mah Nà” as part of a comic background music medley that would run during their often-filmed slapstick sketches. The medley became a Benny Hill Show tradition for the rest of its run.
ROFLMAO! Okay, since we’re doing this… the ORIGINAL, original…from the movie…
And that is enough!
Guarding the backdoor
That is truth. About half of my jail guys fall into that category. I just wish that they would remember that when they get out. So many of them fall back into that trap when they get out. They don’t have the faith to rely on that grace…to count on it, to lean on it and let it support them.
The middle-aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month’s to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up.
The Doctor suggested that he should get his “house in order”, make sure his will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.
“What will you do for the last six months?” asked the Doctor.
His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, “I think I’ll go and live with my mother-in-law.”
Surprised by the answer, the doctor asked, “Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your mother-in-law?”
“Because it’ll be the longest six months of my life!”
LOL, one for the ladies.
I said that to someone the other day…”Your belief or non-belief in the veracity of the Bible has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the FACT that you WILL BE HELD TO ACCOUNT TO what’s written inside of it. To the exact same extent that if you refuse to believe in the law of gravity and jump off the roof of a building you are still going to hit the ground hard when you land.”
Genesis according to Dog…
On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.
Sure, go ahead, that will work out fine.
So, I finally got started on the Trebuchet model the other day. This is going to be a LONG model. It took me several hours just to build the wooden tools to build the model. And then my dog promptly ate one of the wooden tools, which we won’t get into. It’s amazing she’s still alive after the beating she got. She took it right off the table I was working on. Anyway, here’s the first picture. And it’s just a picture of all the parts sheets laid out.
Team mates
Let me help you zoom in a little…
The “Feel Good” meme of the day
A letter written from C.S. Lewis…
I printed that one out and it’s now hanging in my office.
A parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory.
But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead.
Furious at the factory’s incompetence, he promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind.
Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words: “TURN THE BOX OVER.”
A synagogue had just opened for business while at the same time a Catholic church opened across the street.
After some time the Rabbi noticed that a convent had been added to the church, More time later a Catholic school was built, then a gymnasium.
Concerned the Rabbi called together his staff and expressed his concern, “We’ve been here the same amount of time as our neighbours and look, they’ve grown while we still have our same small temple – what are we doing wrong?”
And so it was decided, they’d send Morris to attend a service on Sunday and check out what was going on over there.
Sunday comes and all the men from the congregation are peeking thru the windows as Morris enters the church.
Not 15 minutes later and Morris comes flying across the street, yelling and waving his arms.
“So what happened?” says the Rabbi “Oy, you wouldn’t believe it” says Morris. “I go into the church, I sit down, then from the left a guy in a dress comes out unto the stage and he’s chanting ‘I can play dominoes better than you can – I can play dominoes better than you can’.
Then from the right of the stage some young boys swinging incense followed by another guy in a dress starts chanting ‘I bet you don’t – I bet you don’t’. Then back and forth they go, ‘I can play dominoes better than you can – -I bet you don’t’.
Then from outta’ the back, four men in black suits come down the aisles and pick up the bets!”
For those of us who have been in the military, especially the Air Force I think, this is an especially funny cartoon. I have either been sent after, or have sent new guys after just about each of these. Rotor wash is about the same as prop wash and I did have one smart Alec come back with an actual gallon of prop wash one time. Seems there is such a thing for the choppers we had on base.
Good, confuse them.
And as has said before, standing in a garage doesn’t make you a car.
A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.”And what will your third wish be?”
The man looked at the genie and said, “Huh? How can I begetting a third wish when I haven’t had a first or second wish yet?”
“You have had two wishes already,” the genie said, “but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left.”
“Okay,” said the man, “I don’t believe this, but what the heck. I’ve always wanted to understand women. I’d love to know what’s going on inside their heads.”
“Funny,” said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, “That was your first wish, too!”
Okay, I have some stuff to add to this session. I got a lot of anti-…well…everybody…over the last couple of days and I’m going to try to be as fair as I can all the way around. Plus, I have some write-in stuff from folks that I’m going to try to add in, plus some of my own comments might drift in. I’m not sure yet because I haven’t started adding anything. So, here goes.
Okay, here’s the one I mentioned earlier from Lynn about relationships…
It certainly is an eye opening piece. And it’s scary that the media has completely and totally said nothing about any of it. Makes me believe that there is not an honest person out there anywhere reporting the news.
Well, that would certainly put THIS Dragon out of business.
They would surely declare most of what I say misinformation and put my butt in censored jail, if not real jail.
This next one is from Chris and I agree with him 100%.
One of Trump’s biggest problems is that he says stupid things. And that’s a big problem. From what I’ve heard from people I trust, behind that he’s actually a good and caring man. I don’t know. I know he beats the competition. But, that should not be a reason to vote for someone. Why are you voting for Trump? Well, he’s better than the other guy.
I don’t know. Maybe my Pastor is right. What would happen if every one of us did a write in vote for Jesus Christ. And Jesus won by a landslide. How would they handle that if someone not on the ballot won by write-in vote? Does anyone know the answer to that? And then, what if that person wasn’t around to serve? But, even better, what if, by voting for Jesus, and all of us casting votes for Jesus, and Him winning … what if He chose that time to come back? Oh, wouldn’t that be awesome!
Why is it that we can’t have two decent people to choose from?
Because we are rapidly approaching the end times, my friends.
How about a few more we should all be able to get behind?
This is what I was saying at the beginning!
Okay, I gotta quit. I got way too many more good ones that I want to use.
Here’s an old, old joke…that’s still kinda funny.
Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes.
Then Donald said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word.”
“Wow!” said George, “how did you manage that?”
“It’s easy,” replied Donald. “My last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.’ “
A man is at his lawyer’s funeral and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him.
“Why are you all at this man’s funeral?”
A man turns towards him and says, “We’re all clients.”
“And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching.”
“No, we came to make sure he was dead.”
The A-Frame and its floating dock, on Lake Winnipesaukee, New Hampshire
Comfort Town, a color-soaked apartment complex located in Kiev
A miniature model of a motorcycle made only from popsicle sticks
A sculpture at Burning Man, depicting every person’s trapped inner child, by Aleksandr Milov
A statue of Miao diety, Yang’asha, in Guizhou, China, that is 288 feet tall
A statue of the largest flying animal that ever lived, the Quetzalcoatlus
Which explains EXACTLY why I no longer drink.
Yes…that and because inanimate objects start whispering to you!
Ouch!
So much to say…
Words crawling around inside my head like ants on an ant hill that has been stepped on. Most of them scrambling frantically without direction or purpose. Some of them now crushed and useless, their original mission and direction completely gone and forgotten…
Words…
I want to tell you about spending over an hour yesterday crying in my living room over something that I watched on TV which brought me back to that day in the hospital.
Say something to her, you know she can hear you.
Be calm, comforting.
Tell her it will be alright.
Use that voice.
You know … that voice.
The one that God gave you so many years ago as a 911 dispatcher to calm people down on the phone and on the radio when they would call you having the worst day of their life. The one that could settle a screaming child with a split open head while you held him in your arms. That voice. Use it now.
Now you are having the worst day of your life, but you don’t matter right now. You still have to think of someone else, so tell her it’s all going to be okay.
That it’s okay for her to let go.
Tell her you love her…always.
Always … always … how we signed off every note, every love letter, every card, every phone call, every everything.
Always… … just … always.
Over and over and over again, those thoughts, that scene played and replayed itself out in my head on Saturday afternoon. For well over an hour, while I wept and sobbed in my chair and on the floor. All because of a stupid scene on a TV show.
Those are some of the words I want to share with you…jumbled up with some words that our Pastor shared with us at church today. Finishing up his series on the Armor of God.
I’m pretty sure we’ve spoken of the Armor of God before. Ephesians 6:10-18:
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.
11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.
12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.
14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,
15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.
16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;
17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,
18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,
I’ve been giving away Armor of God coins. I should really keep track, because I don’t know whether I’ve given one to the Pastor or not.
And now, as is quite common, I’ve lost my train of thought because of things that are going on here at home and I’ve run out of time. There are worse things I could end this episode with, so I’ll leave it go here. May you all be blessed of God, until we meet again, my dear friends.
So, one more follow up to the chipping weekend. After hours of burning and then gallons and gallons of water being dumped on the ashes, and I mean, I watered that pit for at least 30 minutes if not longer, I really soaked it because I wasn’t taking any chances. I watered and raked and raked and watered. I got up Sunday morning and went out with the dogs about 0800 and this is what I found:
Anyway, got everything turned in and taken care of and it all worked out well. So, let’s get to laughing, cause I’ve got a long week ahead of me.
All she wrote to go along with this one was SMH…and I agree. Click HERE.
Ain’t karma something…
A woman in her forties went a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called The Knob, where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman’s head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
Of course, the woman wanted it.
Over the course of a few years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful – the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. “All these years, everything has been working just fine,” she said. “I’ve had to turn the knob many times and I’ve always loved the results. But now, I’ve developed two annoying problems. First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won’t get rid of them.”
The doctor looked at her closely and said, “Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.”
She said, “Well, I guess there’s no point in asking about the goatee.”
Things Only Women Understand
Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes.
The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
Crying can be fun.
FAT CLOTHES.
A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.
Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.
The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdressers is next to impossible.
Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.
Other women!
One of my old school pictures
Bill’s wife asked him to go to the movie rental store and get ‘Scent of a Woman’ the other day.
She hit him over the head when he came back with a ‘Fish Called Wanda’.
Driving my friend Bill and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer.
Bill’s girlfriend glanced up at it and said, “I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I’d look like her.”
“No,” Bill corrected, “If *I* drank a six-pack, of that brand, you’d look like her.”
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.
The airline had a policy, which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.”
He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment, but no one seemed annoyed.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for one little old lady walking with a cane. She approached and asked, conspiratorially, “Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?”
“Why no Ma’am, what is it?”
“Did we land or were we shot down?”
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher.
The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.
The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, “You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!
The old rancher replied, “Well, I’ll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning.”
No kidding!
A Kindergarten teacher had a student approach her and saying that he found a frog lying still on the playground.
The teacher asked, “Well, is it dead or alive?”
The student said, “I think it’s dead.”
The teacher asked, “How do you know?”
The boy said, “I pissed in its ear”.
The teacher said “YOU DID WHAT?”
He said, “You know, I went to his ear and said,’PSST!’ and it didn’t move. So it must be dead.”
They Really Said It! Headlines without Editors…
** Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
** Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
** House passes gas tax onto senate
** Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
** Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
** Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
** William Kelly was fed secretary
** Milk drinkers are turning to powder
** Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
** Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
** Farmer bill dies in house
** Iraqi head seeks arms
Lack of Appropriate Grammar Confuses the Issue:
** Eye drops off shelf
** Squad helps dog bite victim
** Dealers will hear car talk at noon
** Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
** Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
** Miners refuse to work after death
** Two Soviet ships collide – one dies
** Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
No, They Didn’t Mean THAT, Really!
** Never withhold herpes from loved one
** Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
** Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
** Autos killing 110 a day, let’s resolve to do better
Well Duh… OR Doesn’t It Seem Obvious…
** If strike isn’t settled quickly it may last a while
** War dims hope for peace
** Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
** Cold wave linked to temperatures
** Child’s death ruins couple’s holiday
** Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years
** Man is fatally slain
** Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
** Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation
Louisiana – New Orleans Law
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, “Ma’am, is that your husband?” “Yes” says the woman. “Did you hit him with that golf club?”
“Yes, yes, I did.” The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. “How many times did you hit him? “I don’t know — five, six, maybe seven times…..just put me down for a five.”
A man walked into a butcher’s shop and asked for half a rabbit.
‘I’m sorry,’ said the butcher. ‘I don’t split hares.’
Massachusetts, Boston Law
That’s it. I just got home from the jail ministry, I have to get the rest of my chores done and get to bed. Until next time. May God Bless you and keep you and shine His face upon you, until we meet again.
So, thus begins a week from hell. Today is actually Friday that I am starting this one. I took the day off today because I had to.
I know, it seems a little weird to say that this starts a week from hell while starting a three day weekend, but hear me out.
First of all, you guys aren’t reading this until Monday, which is the start of the week. My three day weekend isn’t REALLY a three day weekend since I will be working the whole weekend, just at something other than my regular job. Here in just about an hour and a half I’ll be leaving the house to pick up the wood chipper to start chipping up that HUGE pile of brush in the backyard that I showed you a couple of issues ago, you remember that one, right? Well, this is what it looks like now all dried up: (as I get up from the computer and go out back and take a picture of a pile of scrap, lol)
I left the burn barrel in the picture for perspective. That’s a 55 gallon drum. Here’s a bit of a closer view:
It goes about as far back, if not farther as it is wide.
Anyway, that is going to start on Saturday, tomorrow, after Men’s Breakfast at 0730. Then Church on Sunday and more chipping if we don’t get it done on Saturday. Then return the chipper on Monday and work.
Work on Tuesday and the new Resiliency class Tuesday night.
Work on Wednesday, Bible study at lunch, Jail ministry Wednesday night.
Work on Thursday, FBI (Faith Bible Institute) Thursday night in another town for the first time. I think that’s a three hour class every Thursday.
Work on Friday, finish up getting ready to go out of town on Monday.
Sunday leave for Alabama for a week.
Unless something happens at the Democratic National Convention and then I’m not going anywhere because of … well … just because. So, let’s just say it’s going to be a fun week. So, what do you say we start laughing? I don’t know about you, but I need it.
If you don’t get this one, read John 11 & 12
It’s a good article. The video is tough to get going, but definitely worth reading regardless of the video.
A West Virginia couple, both certified rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed.”
The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision–why after nine children, would they choose to do this?
The husband replied that they’d read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn’t want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby, because neither of them could speak Spanish!
Aunt Betty
Boy, ain’t that the truth!
Stumpy prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving.
In his haste, however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day.
He was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch.
He called the local Poison Control Center and voiced his concern. They advised Stumpy to boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. Stumpy’s face dropped as the guest called out,
“It’s the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.”
You know, I tend to believe that could be a true story. Poison control is like that. When my son, the Whelpling was about 5 years-old, he went through a time where he put EVERYTHING in his mouth. He drank gasoline (the kid across the street had some in a soda can that he was cleaning his bike with), aftershave (it smelled good), Inhaled flea powder (grabbed the cat after his sister had just shaken it all over the kitty) and baking powder (said kitty had peed on the bed and he threw himself on it and took a deep breath of the cloud of powder), took bites of numerous plants around the house, ate a thermometer, some of the glass included and at one point we thought he had taken a bite out of a tarantula spider on a dare from his sister (we were stationed in New Mexico at the time. I think we had called Poison Control like 10 times over a five month period. Anyway, we were sitting at home one Saturday afternoon and the phone rang. I answered it and the voice on the other end said, “Hi this is so-and-so from Poison Control. We haven’t heard from you guys for a while and we were just wondering how your son was doing?”
I laughed so hard. I said, “You just want to make sure that he’s still alive. You want me to put him on the phone for you?” Then she laughed and said no, that wouldn’t be necessary and basically told me that they have a habit of calling and checking on their “frequent flyers” (she didn’t say that, but I know that’s what we called them). So yeah, the above joke is perfectly plausible.
Responses to Avoid When She Says, “Do I Look Fat In This?”
“Not to Stevie Wonder.”
“Oh my god, yes. That’s why I’m screwing your best friend.”
“No way! You look *least* fat in that outfit!”
“No hablo ingles.”
“Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things balance out.”
“No, but taking it *off* sure does.”
“Okay, listen: What’s important is that you not focus in a negative way on the comparison I am about to make …”
“Not if you were traveling at the speed of light.”
“Yes, but in my country obesity suggests prosperity.”
“Let me jog around to your front and take a look.”
“Holy Cow! A talking couch!”
And Impish Dragon says, “If you recognize him, you had a pretty good Saturday morning childhood.”
Just had this question today on the AFR trivia show…World’s largest animal.
Absolutely!
Too true…way too true…
Why didn’t I know this was a thing in my younger days?
That is an AMAZING picture!
His son doesn’t understand that he’s answering the question.
I really don’t think that’s going to work…
Stephanie? Leah?
Mr. Allen, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, “Miss Hunter, get my broker!”
The client was impressed until he heard the secretary’s clear voice saying, “Yes, sir, stock or pawn!”
Montana, Helena Law
Some new ones and a bunch of old ones…still, all of them are funny:
SITUATIONS HALLMARK DOESN’T COVER
New husbands (snicker!) this is really good (chuckle!) advice. (Stifle a laugh!) It will work (ahem!) almost every time! [walking away laughing my head off]
Hmmm, ya think?
Picked up the chipper and the guy who picked up with me and I got it to my house and we had to play with it for a little while and we discovered a couple of things. Even though Outdoor Rec on base told us that the blades didn’t need sharpening…the blades needed sharpening. We chipped for about two hours and got about 10% of the pile done, just the two of us. But in those two hours we had to unjam the machine about ten times. And it really can’t handle anything larger than about 2 inches in diameter. Surprisingly, it doesn’t create as much chips as I thought it would. Here’s some pictures:
That’s the chipper
And that’s the chipper with Willow having to get in the picture.
That’s a picture of all the scrap that there is after, like I said, almost two hours of chipping.
There’s another angle of the scrap.
Here’s a look at how far some of the scrap flew!
And finally, a look at how much we got done. You can see where the dead grass and stuff starts as to where the pile used to be…so, like I said, I guess about 10%…in two hours for just the two of us.
Now, back to the show.
Scientists Identify 7 Stars That Could be Hosting a ‘Dyson Sphere’–the Sci-Fi Concept Turned Realistic Hypothesis:
https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/scientists-identify-seven-stars-that-could-be-hosting-a-dyson-sphere-the-sci-fi-concept-turned-realistic-hypothesis/
The only thing I have to say about this one…Stephanie, what in the WORLD made you look this up to begin with?!?!
Folks, just click HERE
Who remembers shoving as many teenagers as possible into a public telephone booth?
So, it’s Saturday night and the chipping is done…well, as done as it’s going to get. These friends of mine did an amazing job. Let me show you what it looks like now. Do you remember that great big pile that was next to my garage and under those trees? Well, no. I’ll get to the final picture at the end. First, so in-between pictures. Let’s start with this one:
This is two of my buddies working on the chipper, one of the many times it jammed. You can still see a pretty decent size pile to the right.
Another action shot, a couple hours into the action.
This is all that’s left of the HUGE pile of stuff and in the background, you can see the pile of shredded stuff to be burned another day, once it dries out for a few weeks. We also raked up the yard waste and added it to the pile.
And from the same angle as the original to show you the difference. I’ll give you the original again so you can tell.
I have some amazing friends!
A dear, dear friend of mine shared something on line that made such an impact on me. I cried. I wrote back to her and told her publicly, “You have NO IDEA how MUCH I NEEDED to read this. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” So now, I’m going to share with you, what she wrote. Well, to be honest, I don’t know if she wrote it or if she shared it. It sounds like her writing. She is a writer, also. But, here it is. Whoops. Now that I look closer, someone named Mark Weber posted it in December of 2023, so she just shared it, but still, it is wonderful
Don’t feel sorry for or fear for your kids/grandkids because the world they are going to grow up in is not what it used to be.
God created them and called them for the exact moment in time that they’re in. Their life wasn’t a coincidence or an accident.
Raise them up to know the power they walk in as children of God.
Train them up in the authority of His Word.
Teach them to walk in faith knowing that God is in control.
Empower them to know they can change the world.
Don’t teach them to be fearful and disheartened by the state of the world but hopeful that they can do something about it.
Every person in all of history has been placed in the time that they were in because of God’s sovereign plan.
He knew Daniel could handle the lions den.
He knew David could handle Goliath.
He knew Esther could handle Haman.
He knew Peter could handle persecution.
He knows that your child can handle whatever challenge they face in their life. He created them specifically for it!
Don’t be scared for your children, but be honored that God chose YOU to parent the generation that is facing the biggest challenges of our lifetime.
Rise up to the challenge.
Raise Daniels, Davids, Esthers and Peters!
God isn’t scratching His head wondering what He’s going to do with this mess of a world.
He has an army He’s raising up to drive back the darkness and make Him known all over the earth.
Don’t let your fear steal the greatness God placed in them. I know it’s hard to imagine them as anything besides our sweet little babies, and we just want to protect them from anything that could ever be hard on them, but they were born for such a time as this.
And to finish this off, the bible verse at the bottom of that great picture, Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it. (KJV). And why does this mean so much to me? I’m so worried about Izzy and my grandchildren, and this did ease my burden some.
At any rate.
May the peace of God be with you all until we meet again, my friends.
So, I’m trying to get an early start on this one because it’s going to be an interesting week for me. I have a conference/exercise with the FBI in Indianapolis on Wednesday and am taking my new guy with me. Should be interesting to say the least. Whenever you ever do anything with the FBI it’s interesting.
Then next week, I start a new course…actually, I start two new courses. On Tuesday nights I am facilitating a course called Resilience. That has the subheading of: “Finding Inner Strength in Impossible Situations”. It’s the first time anyone in our organization has ever taught this one. It actually has a real book that goes along with the workbook entitled Resilient by Dr. Bill Effler, subtitled: Tools for Getting Up After Life Knocks You Down. It looks really, REALLY good. I’m excited about that. So, that starts next Tuesday, then Wednesday is Jail night like normal, and then Thursday I’m starting something new JUST FOR ME!!!
I’m starting FBI. No, not like Federal Bureau of Investigation, nor even Fat Boys In-charge. Nope, this is Faith Bible Institute. It is six semesters, three years of college level Bible study. You actually get a degree when you are done. Not a full degree, but you know what I mean. This is three hours every Thursday night and it is MY TIME for ME! It was either that or buy a motorcycle.
I spoke with my counselor and my pastor I told them both that I didn’t want them to take this the wrong way, that I wasn’t in any danger of hurting myself or anything like that, but that I’m to the point here lately that I don’t care if I live or die. And now don’t any of YOU take that the wrong way either. My counselor seems to think that I give and I give and I give and I’m not doing anything to fill me up. I have the one ministry on Tuesday nights, the jail ministry on Wednesday nights, the Grief Group on base at noon every other Wednesday and Bible study on base at noon on the opposite Wednesdays, I do individual Grief counseling for anyone who calls me (so that’s on and off, sometimes [rarely] in the middle of the night), security for the church a couple of Sundays a month, plus all the additional work that goes into all of those things.
My pastor believes that I also can’t let anything go, that I take everything to heart, which is also true. And that it is okay sometimes to say “no”. I’m not sure that I ever have said no to anyone. Anyway, this weekend I have some of the guys coming over with the chipper to cut up that big pile of stuff in the backyard, I have to mow the yard sometime soon, if it will stop raining long enough and I have a ton of stuff to do to get ready for ALL of this stuff.
Whew!
What do you say we get to the good stuff, shall we?
Oh, by the way, by the time you read this, I’ll already have gone to the FBI conference. For you guys that would have been yesterday or the day before, depending on when I get this one sent out. LOL!
This one is from Stephen B. His latest carving.
Very nicely done!
And from Lynn telling us about a problem with dinner:
– Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Massachusetts Laws
I want to thank Stephanie for the written Religious memes that I’ve shared in this issue. I’ve also printed them out and I’m sharing them with my jail guys tomorrow night.
One day a mouse was walking on the banks of a river that ran through the jungle. He saw a Hippopotamus in the water and shouted to the Hippopotamus, “Hey you, come out of the water onto this bank, NOW”. The Hippopotamus lumbered onto the bank as requested. The mouse then said, “OK, you can get back in the water now”.
The mouse continued walking along the bank until he came upon a lion having a little dip in the river. The mouse shouted across to the lion, “Hey you, up here, on this bank now!”. The lion was a little concerend about this ‘jumped up’ mouse giving him orders but he complied and climbed up onto the bank. The mouse then said, “OK, you can get back into the water now”. The lion shrugged and returned to the river.
The mouse continued his trip along the banks of the river until he came across an elephant having a good old soak. The mouse shouted to the elephant. “Hey you, Mr. Elephant, up here on this bank now!”. The elephant lumbered out the water and was then told by the mouse to return to the water.
The elephant however was a little bit annoyed about having his soak disturbed so he said to the mouse, “What is going on? I’ve just seen you call the Hippopotamus, the lion and now me out of the water, why are you doing this?”.
The mouse replied, “If I find the son of a gun who stole my swimming trunks, I will kill him!”.
An old Atlantic City classic joke:
_______________
A textbook nerd is at the beach one day, baring his chest and showing off his pale, shrunken chest, and of course all the girls are laughing at him and drooling over the weight-lifting hunks.
So in desperation the kid goes to the lifeguard and asks, “How can I do something to get these girls interested in me? What can I do to show off?”
The lifeguard takes pity on this poor guy, with his puny muscles and baggy trunks and lanky hair, and finally he says, “Tell you what – why don’t you take a potato and stick it down your swim trunks. That way the girls will think you’ve got something really big and hard down there, and they’ll want you.”
So the nerd decides to give it a try. He struts around the beach with a potato in his shorts, and all the girls give him weird, disgusting looks and tell him to get the hell out of there. The nerd can’t understand what’s going on, so he goes back to the lifeguard and asks, “What am I doing wrong? You said they’d like me if I put a potato in my shorts!”
Without even batting an eye, the lifeguard says, “You gotta put the potato in the FRONT, kid!”
He is dead on!!!
I remember that screen, but never figured out why there was an indian chief on there.
Yup!
Nope.
Work on it, you’ll get it.
That’s it for today my friends. I hope you enjoyed the short issue. There’s a lot going on, Kamala just named her pick for VP…another nut case. The dude who wants to enact sharia law in Minnesota. Um…NO! I don’t mind anyone coming to the US to find a better life. Come the right way. Learn English. Don’t try and turn our country into the one you just left. Become American! Otherwise, stay OUT! Get a job, pay taxes like the rest of us. You didn’t work for social security or any other benefits, you don’t get any until you DO! I’ll offer a helping hand to anyone who is willing to help themselves. I WILL NOT feed someone who will not work for their own food. You don’t work, you starve. If you physically CAN’T work, that’s a different story. Why can’t you work? If it’s because you’re lazy, starve. I’ve worked and held 4 jobs at the same time so as not to go on welfare in order to take care of my family, until I could get something better. And I thanked God for those jobs. And those jobs helped me to get something better. I’m nothing special. If I can do it, ANYONE can. I am ate up with arthritis and hurt every single day, am 65 years old and get up and go to work every day because I need to to plan for my daughter’s welfare. No, it wasn’t supposed to be like this, but God is taking care of me. If I can do it, through the pain, anyone can. I wake up on a GOOD day in enough pain to put these useless children in an emergency room. You don’t work, you don’t eat. I EARNED my social security benefits. When I do take them, I will take them gladly. You illegals out there…HOW DARE YOU!
Okay…
I’m ranting.
I’m tired. I haven’t had a day off in two weeks and I’m up super early tomorrow to go play with the FBI tomorrow, two hours away. I hope it’s worth it. For now, I’m going to go eat some left over pizza and call it a day.
My love and blessings to you all.
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