And today we have the very first ever guest header!  Thanks to Aussie Pete for sending in the above header that I like a whole lot!  Thanks Pete.  

That kind of opens the gate for the rest of you.  Anyone else who’d like to send in a submission (of any kind) can send it to:

Well…I have news… of a sort.  I’ve made a purchase that I’m a little trepidatious about.  Now, before you get the wrong idea, I’m excited as can be, but it’s been a LONG time.

It’s a 2003 Suzuki 800 trike.  It’s in fantastic shape with only a little over 20K miles on it.  It’s a trike, so I don’t have to worry about holding it up or balancing it (which would be my real worries).  By the time you read this I should have it registered and insured and I’m hoping that doesn’t cost me too much a month, just to have a little fun.  My son drove it home, since he is completely licensed and now he says he wants one.  (He just bought a brand new Harley so I know he was just being nice).

So, Tuesday, after I get it insured and registered, I get to go out and play.  If I can find a place close to play in the parking lot at first to get used to it.  My church is just down the street…but it’s a busy highway of a street.  We’ll see.  More later.

Now, let’s get to laughing. 

Few people are aware that hundreds of Haggis were used to film the Star Trek episode, “The Trouble with Tribbles.”  Gene Roddenberry traveled to Scotland years prior to creating Star Trek, but later remembered seeing the wee beasties during his Scotland holiday and wanted to incorporate them, somehow, into one of the episodes he was writing, which eventually became, “The Hassle with Haggis.”  Lawsuits were filed over the use of the name ‘Haggis’, so Roddenberry, succumbing to pressure from studio execs, changed the name to ‘Tribbles’, and then the title of the episode as well.  The professional animal handlers for the series were ill prepared for the behavior and habits of Haggis, especially the flouncing. Filming of the episode took longer than expected, and several members of the cast and crew were injured due to mishandling of the Haggis.  When filming was complete, the Haggis were flown back to Scotland to resume their life in the Highlands.  No Haggis were harmed during the filming of this episode. 

Fun Fact:  The original script never stated that ‘Tribbles hated Klingons and that they would emit a piercing shriek and shiver with rage’.  The Haggis themselves behaved this way towards the actors who were dressed as Klingons as the Haggis had an aversion to the makeup the actors wore.  Roddenberry chose to amend his script to allow for this behavior, rather than change the actors’ makeup.

Yeah, I know…but you’ll have to go look them up  on line like I had to.

A minister was attending a men’s breakfast. He asked one of the older farmers in attendance to say the prayer that morning.

The farmer began, “Lord, I hate buttermilk.”

The pastor opened one eye and wondered to himself where this was going.

Then the farmer said, “Lord, I hate lard.”

Now the pastor was worried.

But the farmer prayed on, “And Lord, you know I don’t care much for raw flour.”

As the pastor was about to stop everything the farmer continued, “But Lord, when you mix ‘em all together and bakes ‘em up, I do love me those fresh biscuits.

So Lord, when things come up we don’t like, when life gets hard, when we just don’t understand what you are saying to us, we just need to relax and wait ‘til You are done fixin’ and probably it will be something even better than biscuits.”

Oh, so very, very true!

I was just contacted by a very old and dear friend that I used to dispatch with.  He is still in the business.  He told me that they just lost one of their officers who died in their sleep last night.  It’s not my place to mention names or places, but I will ask you all to say a prayer for his family.  His WHOLE family.  That includes the men and women he worked with, drove with, talked to on the radio, interacted with in the neighborhoods, the other first responders, the firemen, EMTs.  He contacted me because, even though it’s been about 18 years, I’m still connected.  Through my current job and through the blood that we’ve all shared.  So, when you guys are talking to God today, ask Him to give strength and comfort to this man’s family.  He’ll know who you’re talking about.

Quote:

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

Arthur Buchwald (1925 – 2007)

This is one of those things that as a writer I can honestly say, “Man!  I wish I had written that!”

Minnesota, Minneapolis Law

Double-parkers can be put on a chain gang. 

um….wow!

There were two old men sitting on a park bench. 

A blonde woman walks by. 

One old man says to the other one, “Ever sleep with a blonde?”

The other old man says, “Many a time. Many a time.” 

A brunette then walks by. The old man says to the other, “Ever sleep with a brunette?” 

The other old man says, “Many a time. Many a time.” 

A redhead walks by, and the old man says to the other, “Ever sleep with a redhead?” 

The other old man says, “Not a wink.”

A woman hears her husband cussing up a storm from behind the bathroom door. She knocks and says, “Honey, what is it?”  Her husband emerges from the bathroom and says, “The doctor prescribed suppositories for this stomach problem I’ve been having, and no matter what I do,  I just can’t get the little sucker up my ass. Even the doctor had to shove the first  one in to show me how it was done, and I tell you, it took forever for him to get  it up there…and it HURT!!!” 

“Poor baby,” says the wife. “You were probably nervous and tense, and he probably wasn’t very gentle with you. Here, let me give you the suppository – I don’t mind.” 

Still grumbling, the husband bends over. His wife puts her left hand on his left shoulder to brace him, and, with her right hand, quickly and easily slips the pill up her husband’s rear end. The husband suddenly lets out a bloodcurdling scream. 

“My God!” says the wife. “What happened? Did I hurt you?” 

“No!” cries the man. “But I just realized that when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders!” 

This is NOT going to work out well.

The Modern Toolbox 

Hammer 
In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. 

Screwdriver 
The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver. 

Phillips Screwdriver 
The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka. 

Pliers 
A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down  behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install. 

Multi-Pliers 
Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels. 

Electronic Stud Finder 
An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light 
A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway. 

Cordless Drill 
A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool. 

Cordless Telephone 
The handyman’s 999. 

Air Compressor 
A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house. 

Chain saw 
Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself. 

Vise Grips 
A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique the job you’re doing or offer advice. 

At this point I have two choices because of the week I’ve had and and the weekend I’m going to have.  I can end this here and send it out so you have it on Thursday or I can try to finish it so you have it for Monday when I’m working all weekend.

What I just decided I’m going to do is end this here, send it out so you have something for tomorrow.  Go to bed and try my best to put something together for Monday.  I’m so busy I haven’t even had a chance to play with my new toy, that I want to play with SOOOO much.  I have 50 emails to go through and so much work to do.

This is getting hard, guys.  I’m sorry that you guys are getting the short end of the stick.

Until next time….May God Bless you and keep you and smile His face upon you.

Been studying all day…for all kinds of stuff.  Some of which you MIGHT find out about in the next episode if everything works out.  

We’ll see.

In the meantime, I’ve got my second lesson in FBI tonight.  I’m ready, I’ve got my whole week’s worth of homework done…and done properly.  I didn’t do it all at once or crammed together.  The only exception being that I did Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s on Tuesday.  Only so I could be one day ahead in case I needed to be.  That’s just the Emergency Manager in me planning ahead for emergencies.  My only hope is that we are given time to discuss the homework portion since the real “lesson” is all on DVD.  There is very little interaction amongst the students.

If it stays that way I’m going to have to fix that.

Being the teacher/instructor/facilitator that I am, I already have plans…and there’s only been one lesson.

So, right now, I’m making quesadillas for Izzy for dinner before I leave for class and getting Monday’s issue started.  As busy as the next couple of days are likely to be if I get a chance to work a little bit each day I just may barely make it in time.

So, let’s get this party started… 

I really think we’ve seen this one before, but the story is so good, it’s worth repeating

Town Made A Pact To Get Rid Of A Bully Once And For All And Kept It Quiet For Over 30 Years

Ken Rex McElroy, a name that could evoke fear and anger among the residents of Skidmore, Missouri, was notorious for his reign of terror over this small town. Known as a brute and a bully, McElroy’s life and ultimate death have become a stark reminder of what happens when justice fails a community.

It’s a really good story…keep reading here or click the title.

And exceedingly stupid

Wild Turkey mama and babies that I passed on my way to work a few weeks ago.

This is a tough story to read!  Not for the weak of stomach or heart.

Pilot sucked out of cockpit window as disaster struck 13 minutes into flight – Mirror Online

You should have a plan to study His Word every day.

And it’s supposed to start AFTER the Rapture.  So, don’t be here for it.

It blows my mind how things like this can happen, and you never hear anything about it! Last night on Ohio State’s campus a bunch of different churches joined together in a public place to worship.

All of the sudden Ohio State’s star Running Back Treyveon Henderson, Tight End Gee Scott Jr., JT Tuimoloau, and other Ohio State players joined the crowd in worship.

Pretty soon ice bath tubs were brought and filled, and Gee Scott Jr. Began preaching and baptizing his teammates. This isn’t the first time he’s had the privilege of baptizing a teammate, but being a witness to this event had to be one of the most amazing experiences ever

This comes just 2 weeks after over 25 players showed up to fall camp wearing custom OSU shirts that simply said “Jesus Won”. God is doing amazing things within this team, and it deserves to be publicized and praised.

Thanks for sharing this Lynn.

Okay, so I might just become an Ohio State Football fan!  I just found another article from a Christian news magazine that I get called The Stand (I get an electronic version and a print version) that has a great little article on the same thing that Lynn was telling us about.

Big Ten campus ‘busting at the seams’ for Jesus

I have no words

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog.

When asked why by her former employer, she answered, “I never forget a friend.

That was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!”

Every time the man next door headed toward Kevin’s house, Kevin knew he was coming to borrow something.

“He won’t get away with it this time,” muttered Kevin to his wife. “Watch this.”

“Er, I wonder if you’d be using your power-saw this morning,” the neighbour began.

“Gee, I’m awfully sorry,” said Kevin with a smug look, “but the fact of the matter is, I’ll be using it all day.”

“In that case,” said the neighbour, “you won’t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?”

I used to think I was poor.

Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy.

Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy.  I was deprived.

Then they told me that it was bad for my ego to think of myself as deprived, I was really underprivileged.

Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged.

I still don’t have a dime.  But I have a great vocabulary.

QUOTE: I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

-Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943

My sister wanted to marry a ghost, I can’t think what possessed her…

Michigan Law

Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.

An exhausted looking man dragged himself in to the Doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.”

“I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.”

“Great,” the man answered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.”

A few weeks later the man returned, looking worse than ever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!”

“I don’t understand how that could be”, said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!”

“That may be true,” answered the man wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill!!!”

A woman was telling her friend, “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.” 

“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.

The woman replied, “A billionaire.” 

A Rabbi who was late for a golf game was rather curt with several people whose phone calls kept delaying him. 

The next day his secretary said “Rabbi, several members of the congregation were really upset with you when you cut them short yesterday.” 

At that point, a man who had been sitting within earshot in the reception room got up and departed hurriedly. 

“Who was that?” asked the Rabbi. 

“Oh, that was Mr. Ruthenberg.” she answered. “He wanted to speak to you about a circumcision for his son.” 

A Pennsylvania farmer was selling his peaches door to door. 

He knocked on a door and a shapely 40 something lady dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door.

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, “Would you like to buy some peaches?”
 
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, “Are they as firm as this?”
 
He nodded his head and said, “Yes ma’am,” and a little tear ran from his eye.
 
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, “Are they nice and pink like this?”
 
The farmer said, “Yes,”and another tear came from the other eye.
 
Then the lady unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, “Are they as fuzzy as this?”
 
He again said, “Yes,” and broke down crying.
 
The lady asked, “Why on earth are you crying?”
 
Drying his eyes he replied, “The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn and now I’m gonna get screwed out of my peaches.”

Looks to me like the beaver is trying to get even

So, I wanted to show you guys two things before we quit.  Actually, I wanted to show you one thing and then I found something else that went along with it so well that Joe sent in that I decided to add to it.  So first, the thing from Joe that I am almost positive that we’ve seen before.  It’s a good story…

She had been out shopping with her Mom. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired,freckle faced image of innocence.  It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout.

We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door near the exit. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I get lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world.

Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child come pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day. Her voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in.

“Mom, let’s run through the rain,” she said.

“What?” Mom asked.

“Let’s run through the rain!” She repeated.

“No, honey. We’ll wait until it slows down a bit,” Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated: “Mom,let’s run through the rain.”

“We’ll get soaked if we do,” Mom said.

“No, we won’t, Mom. That’s not what you said this morning,” the young girl  said as she tugged at her Mom’s arm.

“This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?”

“Don’t you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, ‘If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'”

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn’t hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say.

Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child’s life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

“Honey, you are absolutely right. Let’s run through the  rain. If God lets us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,” Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case.

They got soaked. But they were followed  by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories…So, don’t forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories every day!  Take time to run in the rain.

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

A friend sent this to me to remind me of life, hope you enjoy it. I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

Did you know, that until God made it rain for the flood with Noah, it never rained?  That was the first ever rain. 

The second thing I wanted to share with you guys was sent to me by buddy Wheats.  Wheats was my roommate when we were both in the barracks in Germany back in 1981-82.  So, I’ve known him for 42 years or so.  We talk or text almost every day.  He sent me this article.  This falls into that category that, as a writer I can honestly say, “Man!  I wish I had written that!”

Thanks to Joe and Wheats and to everyone who has contributed.  I have a lot of stuff to get done today, so I’m going to drop off here and wish you all God’s Blessings until we meet again.

What an interesting day so far today.  Church this morning was unusual.  Well, unusual isn’t the right word, but I’ll tell you what happened.  I was playing security today, like a do a lot of the Sundays and I got a Facebook request to be friends with someone and I recognized the name from one of the guys who was in our jail ministry.  He told me that he was going to get out and when he did he was going to come to church. 

Now a bunch of the guys have said the same thing and no one has ever shown up to OUR church.  Not to say they haven’t gone to another church, there are a BUNCH of them in our little town.  When I did a Google search for “churches in Peru”  it came up with 20.  That’s just in the town.  There are even more outside the town.  So, they could’ve gone to their own church and ours is by FAR not the largest (but I still think it’s the best… ← Church snobbery, lol).

Anyway, this guy asks me if I can pick him up and take him to church this morning.  So I asked one of the other security guys to cover me for a few minutes and go and pick him up and bring him to church AND he decides to join our Tuesday night group study (which he will REALLY get a lot out of) which is only on lesson two this coming Tuesday.  Very nice Sunday morning.

Got home and Izzy pointed out that behind Willow’s kennel in the living room there was an entire pack of dogs worth of hair piled up that was “out of sight, out of mind” because her kennel sits behind Izzy’s easy chair.  So the two of us pulled all that out and vacuumed, then vacuumed the rest of the downstairs, then did our normal Sunday chores which include taking the trash out (since the trash man comes on Monday morning), setting up my weekly medicine and ordering what I’m running out of, getting my classes and bags ready for the week (yes, I have a different bag for each class…I HAVE to) and thinking about mowing the lawn.

So, the lawn didn’t get mowed…at least not so far.  I may reconsider in about an hour.  It’s six in the evening and it’s still 90° out there.  But, if I don’t get it done tonight, the next chance I have won’t be until Thursday and it’s supposed to be even hotter…so I’ll probably go out and do it.

Anyway, that’s enough rambling for now, let’s get this train on the tracks…

I can’t believe  it’s here already…I actually saw Christmas stuff out in a store the other day!!!!!

Yeah…the boss will never know

Manuka Honey Reduces Breast Cancer Cell Growth by 84% in Human Cells and Mice:
https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/manuka-honey-reduces-breast-cancer-cell-growth-by-84-in-human-cells-and-mice/ 

If the bottom link doesn’t work, try clicking on the title.  I just ordered a jar of this online, not that I think I have cancer, because I’ve heard such good things about it.  I’ll let you guys know.

Okay, so I hate to admit this, but I actually KNOW people who would have done this.

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN: 

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. 

Dogs miss you when you’re gone. 

Dogs feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong. 

Dogs don’t criticize your friends. 

Dogs admit when they’re jealous. 

Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. 

Dogs don’t laugh at how you throw. 

Dogs don’t feel threatened by your intelligence. 

You can train a dog. 

Dogs are easy to buy for. 

You are never suspicious of your dog’s dreams. 

The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK. The really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there’s a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.) 

Dogs understand what no means. 

Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside. 

Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

Dogs admit it when they’re lost. 

Dogs aren’t threatened if you earn more than they do. 

Dogs mean it when they kiss you. 

Well, I just got in from mowing.  I didn’t have to but I had to … if you know what I mean. 

But, that’s not the reason for this aside.

I just watched this video that popped up and I was so impressed I had to share it.  Then found out that I couldn’t share it, so I did a screen grab, cut the main chart out and we’re going to talk about it.  These are not made up numbers.  Let me rewind and quote exactly, where these numbers come from:

• The Federal Reserve
• The Bureau of Labor Statistics
• The Energy Information Agency
• The NASDAQ

So, let’s look at the chart and we’ll talk about it, then I gotta go to bed.

* The inflation rate Year over Year under Trump was 1.89% and under Biden/Harris was 5.28%.
* The inflation rate Cumulative was 7.8% higher under Trump and 19.2% higher under Biden/Harris.

(Let me just add a little note here, the reason I keep saying Biden/Harris is because that is exactly the way the commentator expressed it.  I believe because it is Harris we (the collective “we) are getting ready to vote on in less than 3 months)

* Average gas prices under Trump down 5.4% to $2.49 average and up 46.6% to $3.50 per gallon average for Biden/Harris
* 30 year mortgage rates down under Trump by 34.8% to 3.86% average, under Biden/Harris up 132% to 5.45% average, if you can get a mortgage. (His comment, not mine.)
* Average rent cost up 11.8% under Trump, up 21.6% under Biden/Harris.
* NASDAQ composite was up 138.2% under Trump and up 39.4% under Biden/Harris
* Grocery prices up 6.5% under Trump, up 20.9% under Biden/Harris (I think that is a skewed number because I know my grocery bill personally has gone up by almost 50%)
* Electricity prices were up 4.2% under Trump, up almost 30% at 29.6 for Biden/Harris
* And real hourly wages, A BIG indicator, up almost 7% , 6.8% under Trump and DOWN 2.2% under Biden/Harris.

Guys, those are some pretty telling numbers.  Harris is the same as Biden, except she’s even more progressive.  I actually heard someone say the other day that we’ve had the greatest four years of growth and progress in this country EVER over the last four years and that’s why she’s voting for Kamala.  Those numbers certainly don’t prove out that statement.  I certainly haven’t had four years of growth and progress, but then again, I’ve had other issues.

Good night my friends.

---

Okay, it’s now Monday and I’m back.  Today’s issue came out and I have to share a comment with you because it cracked me up and touched me deeply at the same time.

And that is absolutely HILARIOUS that this was the next one to come up!!!

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WIVES 

01. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you. 

02. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs. 

03. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don’t hate it. 

04. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. 

05. A dog’s disposition stays the same all month long. 

06. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 

07. A dog’s parents never visit. 

08. Dogs do not hate their bodies. 

09. Dogs agree you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

10. Dogs do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.

11. Dogs seldom outlive you. 

12. Dogs can’t talk. 

13. Dogs enjoy petting in public. 

14. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24-hours a day

15. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk. 

16. Dogs like to go hunting. 

17. Another man will seldom steal your dog. 

18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you. 

19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died would you get another dog?” 

20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free. 

21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. 

22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.. 

23. A dog won’t hold out on you to get a new car. 

24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad, they just think it’s interesting. 

25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.

26. Dogs don’t let magazine articles guide their lives. 

27. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep. 

28. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck. 

29. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdales or Neiman-Marcus. 

30. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half your stuff 

WHY ENGLISH IS SO HARD

The bandage was wound around the wound. 

The farm was used to produce produce. 

We must polish the Polish furniture. 

He could lead if he would get the lead out. 

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 

I did not object to the object. 

The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 

They were too close to the door to close it. 

The buck does funny things when the does are present. 

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into the sewer. 

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 

The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 

After a number of injections my jaw got number. 

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 

That’s a great gif of that sinkhole opening up in the middle of the playing field!

For this one today, I got four pictures from Pop Smith that I just have to share with you guys that are outstanding artwork of a … different kind.

The problem…and it’s a pretty BIG PROBLEM…is who is going to take the first piece and ruin such fantastic artwork?

One of the very best quotes of this comes from the Psalms.  Psalms 55:22

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous be shaken. (NIV)

Just as an aside, I’ve been checking out The Message version, since it was written back in the 60’s for us hippies (LOL).  This is what The Message version has for the same verse:

Pile your troubles on GOD’S shoulders — he’ll carry your load, he’ll help you out.
He’ll never let good people topple into ruin.

It says the same thing … just in different words … kinda.

I had a 1951 (?) Allstate
motor scooter made by Cushman. Looks the same!

The only comment I have is that I LOVE my little town because that’s almost exactly what I paid for my house … 31 years later.

It’s true that gray hair makes you look distinguished…… 

……It distinguishes you from the younger-looking people.

Then I must be very distinguished looking.

Minnesota Law 

All bathtubs must have feet. 

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. 

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. 

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.  After all, this was a very delicate matter. 

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”

“My darling,” he replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.” 

A blond woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. 

“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least 5 pounds.” 

When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. 

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?” 

The woman nodded. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” 

“From hunger, you mean?” 

“No, from skipping.” 

Can someone please explain to me what it is with ducks and jeeps?

This one is VERY old and has been used over and over and over again for different people…but I can’t help but think that it is dead on accurate for this occasion.  

Examining a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic turned to Kamala Harris and her role as Democrat Nominee for President. 

The farmer said, ” Well, as I see it, Kamala Harris is like a ‘Post Turtle’.”

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘Post Turtle’ was. The old farmer said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘Post Turtle’.” 

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued to explain.

“You know she didn’t get up there by herself, she doesn’t belong up there, she doesn’t know what to do while she’s up there, she’s elevated beyond her ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with.”

I made a comment about Kamala’s cackle just a little while ago to Izzy and she asked me, “What’s wrong with a president who laughs a lot?”  

I replied as seriously and straight forward as I could, “Because I think it’s important for the leader of the free world to be a LOT more serious than that.”

She didn’t have a reply. 

You have GOT to be kidding me!

Would you blindfold yourself and eat whatever someone fed you?

No?

Then STOP letting the media do it to you!

Many people think that if you question one side, then you must automatically support the other.

What if I am neutral, want the TRUTH, and always question BOTH sides?

Walz would like to enact that in certain parts of OUR country right now!  Just like he has in his state.

THEM:  Razor wire is inhumane!

US:  Not if you don’t climb over it…

The 49ers received 3 mail-in touchdowns late last night!  They are now Super Bowl Champions!

Absolutely!

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. 

They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. 

Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, 

“Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbour’s wife.”

Shadow art of a pair resting, made entirely with trash 

The Australian Road Train, the world’s longest truck

The tip of this pencil has the entire alphabet carved into it 

A green serpentine mask uncovered at the base of a pyramid in Mexico that is 2000 years old

A 190 foot tall, 1200 tonne statue of water god Guan Hu, in Jingzhou, China 

 An aerial view of the Marina Bay Sands hotel in Singapore 

Oh Jonathon, that was awful!

Oh, and on that HORRIBLE note, I’m going to end this one right here!!!!

I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did.  May God Bless you and keep you and smile His face upon you until we meet again.

It’s Friday night and I finally have a night off and it looks like I made it through the week without the DNC melting down and my base getting a bunch of unwanted excitement.  So, praise and thank God for THAT!

I am so incredibly far behind on sleep and chores and homework and preparation and … and … and … my “To Do” list looks like a set of encyclopedias.

But, we made it.  Nothing hit the trash barrel and no one got hurt, so we’re doing well.

I had my first FBI class last night and it was AWESOME!!!  Oh, FBI is NOT Federal Bureau of Investigation, at least, not in this instance.  Nope, in this instance, FBI is 

Faith Bible Institute.  A three year, six semester college level bible study course.  It is intense.  Homework for every night, tests, the whole nine yards.  I joined in the 6th semester…the last one, but you can start anywhere, in the spring of 2025, I’ll go to semester one and then go through five and I’ll graduate…with an accredited degree (kind of).  If I take 6 elective courses over the three years, I’ll get a REAL degree.  This is John Yates, the guy who’s teaching the class through DVD or online.  We are in a classroom, with an instructor, but most of the actual course material is given from John.

This one is just for me!

So, it’s getting close to my bed time, so let’s get some laughter in here before I hit the pillow and sleep in late tomorrow.  I have a lot of stuff to catch up on this weekend.

Izzy has had her driver’s evaluation for her training with the specialized instructor.  We won’t know yet whether she has been accepted or not for probably another week or so, but I think it looks good.  Anyway, she … what’s that?  Why does she need a specialized instructor?  Well, two reasons really, first and foremost, she is what is called a high-functioning autistic person.  She has a great deal of anxiety because of it.  I honestly think that she could probably just climb in a car and drive if she was by herself, but sadly, she has to pass the driving test.  She aced the written.  And the second reason is me.  I can’t be her instructor.  We tried that and I intimidate her.  I don’t do it on purpose, but she spends the whole time behind the wheel worrying about what I think and what I feel and whether or not she is disappointing me that she doesn’t pay enough attention to the road and she messes up which frustrates her and she becomes MORE worried about what I’m thinking and whether I’m mad or disappointed in her and pays even less attention to the road and…well, it spirals quickly out of control.  It doesn’t work between the two of us.  She want so much to please me…WHICH SHE DOES, but she’s so critical of herself, ESPECIALLY around me, that it’s problematic.  You wouldn’t recognize it in our day-to-day, but it’s there.  I see it.  She doesn’t.

Anyway, she says she wants to get these for the car…

She says, one for each of the four sides of the car.  LOL!

My favorite author of all time…my favorite FICTION author of all time.  I’ve read everything he has ever written at LEAST 4 times. I don’t necessarily agree with everything but I would love to sit down and argue with him about the stuff I don’t agree with.  I don’t know that I ever will get a chance to because I don’t know that he was saved.

Silly Warning Labels (part 1)

 “Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet.” — In the information booklet.
 “Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.” — On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
 “Do not use while sleeping.” — On a hair dryer.
 “Do not place this product into any electronic equipment.” — On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.
 “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.” — On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.
 “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.” — On an electric rotary tool.
 “Caution: Do not spray in eyes.” — On a container of underarm deodorant.
 “Do not drive with sunshield in place.” — On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.
 “Caution: This is not a safety protective device.” — On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.
 “Not intended for highway use.” — On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.
 “This product is not to be used in bathrooms.” — On a Holmes bathroom heater.
 “Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.” — On a novelty rock garden set called “Popcorn Rock.”
 “Caution: Hot beverages are hot!” — On a coffee cup.

Interesting statistics

Silly Warning Labels (part 2)

 “Caution: Shoots rubber bands.” — On a product called “Rubber Band Shooter.”
 “Warning: May contain small parts.” — On a Frisbee.
 “Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.” — On a birthday card for a 1 year old.
 “Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use.” — On a battery.
 “Warning: Do not use on eyes.” — In the manual for a heated seat cushion.
 “For use by trained personnel only.” — On a can of air freshener.
 “Keep out of reach of children and teenagers.” — On a can of air freshener.
 “Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.” — On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
 “Do not use as ear plugs.” — On a package of silly putty.
 “Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator.” — On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.
 “Not for weight control.” — On a pack of Breath Savers.
 “Theft of this container is a crime.” — On a milk crate.
 “Fragile. Do not drop.” — Posted on a Boeing 757.
 “Look before driving.” — On the dash board of a mail truck.
 “Do not iron clothes on body.” — On packaging for a Rowenta iron.
 “Do not drive car or operate machinery.” — On Boot’s children’s cough medicine.
 “For indoor or outdoor use only.” — On a string of Christmas lights.
 “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” — On a child sized Superman costume.

Why is it always Bob?  At least this time it’s fairly good…

Silly Warning Labels (part 3)

 “Product will be hot after heating.” — On a supermarket dessert box.
 “Do not turn upside down.” — On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.
 “May be harmful if swallowed.” — On a shipment of hammers.
 “Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers.” — From a manual for an SGI computer.
 “Warning: May contain nuts.” — On a package of peanuts.
 “Do not eat.” — On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.
 “Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it.”
 “Not to be used as a personal flotation device.” — On a 6×10 inch inflatable picture frame.
 “Remove plastic before eating.” — On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.
 “Not dishwasher safe.” — On a remote control for a TV.
 “Do not put lit candles on phone.” — On the instructions for a cordless phone.

Made from plastic silverware

Jack, age 92, and Gill, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemist shop and Jack suggests they go in.

Jack addresses the man behind the counter:

“Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jack: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jack: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds”

Jack: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jack: “How about suppositories?”

Pharmacist: “Yes”

Jack: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer’s?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jack: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jack: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”

Pharmacist: “We do…”

Jack: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jack: “Adult incontinence pants?”

Pharmacist: “Yes.”

Jack: “Then we’d like to use this store for our wedding present list!!

But, he’s going to get smarter by learning a lesson in … 3 … 2 … 1 …

One Sunday, when counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this.. How much does he send you”

The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice”

The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cathouses – one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno.”

What were they arrested for?  Maybe firing weapons inside of city limits or something.  There’s nothing that says you’re not allowed to shot AT someone that I know of.

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young ‘pullets,’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Fred’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Fred’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Piece Prize,” but they also awarded him the “Pullet Surprise” as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.
Vote carefully in the next election, you can’t always hear the bells.

My Trix are still in shapes…wait…HOLY COW!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!?!  That means that Trix are only for kids and those that are kids at heart!!!!

Boy, ain’t that the

This one is from our dear friend Wouter in South Africa.  It is amazing and will … or SHOULD really make you mad!  Click here

This one is super cool.  I was going to take the time to cut each picture out, but figured it would be easier for you guys to just follow the link and view them yourself…

30+ Super Impressive and Well-Done Tattoos of Completely Bizarre Things – Tiffy Taffy : Tiffy Taffy

Since I didn’t remember a reference that mentioned part-time Christians, nor Full-time Devils, I looked up the reference…Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)  So yeah…pretty close.

Yup!  This would be one of the places the police would HAVE to look for me if I ever disappeared.

Here is another awesome article sent in by Stephanie..

Photos That Are in Dire Need of Further Explanation

ANOTHER really good site from Stephanie!  She must have had a lot of time on her hands…and it won’t be the last!

34 intriguing images that need further explanation

That is SO cool.  A freestanding door in the middle of the yard…what an awesome idea.

Maybe because they’re all nuts!

Watching our country being destroyed by our own people is probably the saddest thing I’ve ever seen…

Remember that feeling you got when the second plane hit the twin towers and you realized what was going on?

You should have that exact same feeling right now.

Imagine…the year is 2025.
Your electric car won’t start for 48 hours because your status on social media was deemed too offensive.

“You know a Republican’s in the White House when he fires missiles into Syria, Drops a MOAB on ISIS, and Sunday’s BIG STORY is his tax returns.”

Coming to a 911 Dispatch Center near you!

Cue the horse laugh!

Remember:  When something goes wrong at the circus, they send in the clowns to distract the audience.  Well, something has gone terribly wrong with this circus, and the clowns are EVERYWHERE.

Again…and on the same topic…

35 Images That Require An Explanation – Funny Gallery

So, very, very true

The stairs on the Varosa Dam in Lamego, Portugal 

An origami model entitled “Assassin”, created purely by folding a single square sheet. 

A dress made entirely of porcelain, by artist Li Xiaofeng

The Quantum Sculpture, a sculpture that disappears in front of your very eyes, created by Julian Voss-Andreae 

Helmets used during the Medieval Ages designed with mustaches 

A 40,000-year-old rock painting in Australia, likely one of the oldest and believed to be depicting the large flightless bird, the Genyornis 

An aerial view of UNESCO World Heritage Site, La Lippe fort, in Elvas, Portugal 

An American in Scotland asked one of the locals, “Why do you call it a kilt?” 

The Scotsman replied, “Because we kilt the last bloke who called it a dress.”

And with that, we’re going to call it a day. 

I pray God’s Blessing on each and every one of you until we meet again.

Why the maybe week? 

Well, if you get this on Thursday or Friday like you are supposed to, then it won’t really be a maybe week, if you don’t get it until Saturday, I’ll try to warn you ahead of time (although me telling you that here, where you won’t get it until afterwards is kind of useless, but this is me talking to myself as much as it is talking to you).  And if you don’t get it at all, that will really tell you why. 

But, even if the proverbial hen hits the fan right now, I will still hit send and you will at least get something telling you that “Impish has left the building” and that it might be a bit before I return…just so you know.

So, today is Monday, I worked all day, but it is the only night that I have off.

Tuesday I have meetings ALL     DAY     LONG.  Then Izzy has her first driving instruction/evaluation (!!!!!!!!).  I have a ministry meeting at 1630, a class at 1800.

Wednesday I have Grief Group at noon and Jail at 1800.

Thursday I have a meeting after work for work and I start FBI for three hours.

In-between all  this is stuff going on behind the scenes that I can’t talk about but you might find out about if things fall apart that way.

But right now, something has just come up that I CAN’T IGNORE!!!!

This absolute entitled moronic witch wrote on twitter Terrorism and hate against Tesla owners must end!
This disgusting guy peed on my car while I’m literally paying $60 to park it in a safe garage in SF!!!

Terrorism!?  TERRORISM!?!?

TERRORISM???????!!!!!!!

No!  Terrorism is when your wife is raped and then murdered in front of you, while it’s being live streamed on her facebook account in front of her whole family.

Terrorism is blowing up a bus full of school children.

Terrorism is flying two airplanes into skyscrapers.

That’s terrorism. 

Not somebody peeing on your electric car that probably enslaved children to get made, you entitled, snot-nosed brat.

This is why I can’t be on Twitter or X or whatever it’s called.  I went back in my own post and removed her name, and the fact that she’s a Saudi princess or something and should know better (oops).

Okay, so now I’m mad and Izzy is going to have to stop sharing stuff like that with me, but we really need to get to the laughter, so there’s something to laugh at in case the cow pies come home to roost.

I’m so jealous of people who just know how to shut up…..

I shut up and subtitles come out on my face

Getting old sucks. 

I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks…Now I feel more like a bounced check

It’s looking more like this isn’t going to go out until Saturday.  Today is Thursday and I’m still so very far behind.  I’m sorry.  I’ll post a quick message…

Another of my baby pictures

If lying was a Job, I know some people Would be Billionaires

Well, it’s not Facebook, but you get the idea!

To a point.  We need to have some rules.  Civilians are out, even if they are hiding behind civilians.  Now, if you warn them ahead of time, like Israel is doing and the civilians still won’t get out of the way of Hamas or CAN’T get out of the way, well then there are going to be civilian casualties.  But the key is, you don’t TARGET civilians and children like THEY do.  You don’t bomb bus loads of kids.  You don’t rape women and live stream it in front of their families.  Those rules of engagement are necessary…well, they are unnecessary because (for the most part) I don’t believe that we would do those sorts of things.  I know… I KNOW that we have bad apples in our bunch just like everybody else does, but they are the EXCEPTION rather than the RULE.  And it’s certainly NOT policy, like it is for THEM.

I’ll stop this right here before it becomes a full blown rant and I start screaming internally!

Fred Gibbs was in his early 60s, retired, and had started a second career in catering. However, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 2, 3, or 5 minutes late. Despite this, he was a good worker, really clever, so the owner was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called Fred into the office for a talk.

“Fred, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic. You do a top-class job, but your being late so often is quite a worry.”

“Yes, I realize that, sir, and I am working on it,” replied Fred.

“I’m pleased to hear that. You are a team player. It’s odd, though, that you’re coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Royal Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?”

“They said, ‘Good morning, Admiral.'”

Saw a sign on a bar that read, ‘If your wife drives you to drink, have her drop you off here

I sat down in the cab of my CAT skid steer as I had done hundreds of times before. I fastened my seat belt, lowered the operator armrests, secured the cab door, and deactivated the auto lock, all part of a pre-start up checklist I fly through nearly on autopilot these days. I started the machine and began rumbling out of the barn doors and down the driveway on a mission to bring a new round bale out to all the hungry horses, but this would not be my day…

Unbeknownst to me, hiding in the roof of the skid loader was a three foot long black snake. What wormhole opened up to magically transport him in there is completely beyond my understanding, but there he was. 

As I flung the agitated Nope Rope into the grass, the befuddled and somewhat exasperated faces of my equine companions spoke volumes of the silent judgments they were casting on their half nude pet monkey streaking past their gate. Unflinching they stared on as I continued to make my escape down the driveway shouting a newly invented language. Their rhythmic chewing pausing for only a moment wherein I could almost read their thought bubbles “oh, the poor thing has forgotten how pants work again… Sigh, it is the third time this week… We are surely going to hear about this from the neighbors… And this right here is why the house across the street never seems to sell” The cold uncaring gaze from the minis was perhaps the deepest wound to my pride. “retreating from thy foe? ‘Tis only a pasture noodle… Coward!” It was not a proud day in the house of Kemp.

I come from a generation where exhaling too loudly was considered backtalk.

Well, if nothing else, it is ingenious.  

An opinion without 3.14 is an onion.

Think about it, you’ll get there.

Got a couple of robot videos coming up.  The first one is very straight forward, but the second one that you’ll get to in a little bit is WAY over the top!

Okay, so I just tried to embed the first one and I can’t so you have to go to this website to view it…but it’s worth viewing, so go ahead…go here.

Okay, here’s the second one!

Okay, it’s almost midnight on Thursday and I think I’m going to throw these in, in no particular order, just the first ones I come to and then close this and send it out as an almost complete issue so it goes out on Friday, even though I sent you a heads up saying it wasn’t going out until Saturday.  I’m trying to wind down from FBI tonight (WHICH WAS AWESOME!!!!!!) and eating dinner (which I’m almost done with) since I haven’t had a chance to eat at ALL today until now.  So, let’s go with that, alright?

And the perfect place to call it an issue.  May God Bless you with peace, comfort, joy, and love until we meet again (hopefully) on Monday.