I am wrapping up a very long week of classes. So far, five days of at least a 4 hour class a day, standing on concrete floors. With full classes. And not the most engaged of students.
Insight Group ministry on Tuesday night…
Grief Group on Wednesday lunch time…
Jail ministry on Wednesday night…
Exercise at 0600 on Friday and an exceptionally difficult class Friday afternoon…
Being insulted and disrespected by people that should know better and are supposed to love me.
And depression so deep and dark that it hurts.
I am also working all weekend.
I just got a message from my pharmacy that a medication that I take that I used to get from the mail order pharmacy for $40 for a 90 supply, that they can no longer fill for me through mail order and now have to go through retail, is going to cost me $192.19 for a one month supply!!! (Boy, that’s a long, run-on sentence). From $40 for 90 days to $192.19 for 30 days. That’s 14.4 times higher! $576.57 for what used to cost me $40? A 1,441% increase!
How many other ways can I say it? How many other ways can I express my outrage?
Dark week.
All of that to say, I suppose (and now Izzy JUST tells me that we have to leave right now for her hair cut appointment that she didn’t tell me about!!! But … never mind. Like I said, not being respected by people who should respect you, hurts) … Anyway, All that to say that there won’t be an issue tomorrow and possibly not on Monday. I need to do some inner reflection and something to improve this depression that is darkening my doorway. I am fine and well so don’t worry about me, just didn’t want you to worry when you didn’t see an issue tomorrow and I know you are like family and I can talk to you all about things and you may hear from me again this weekend still.
Well, this may end up being a short issue, but I will try my best to give you something to laugh at. I’ve had a pretty busy week with a CBRN class every day so far this week and another one schedule for every day that’s left. Plus Grief Group on Wednesday, Bible Study on Tuesday Night and Jail tonight. I am burning the candle at both ends and in the middle and on top of everything else, the lawyers in Florida pick this week to start sending me paperwork to finalize and sign…which is a good thing…a GREAT thing, but it’s just typical timing. I should’ve known and prepared for it.
So, at any rate, let’s get to the good stuff and get as much of that in as we can before this poor dragon is draggin’ too poorly.
What an interesting and very appropriate sign
A VERY interesting video sent in by our dear Stephanie.
Okay, so have you seen this genius? He’s on a zoom call for court for having a suspended driver’s license in front of the judge…while he’s driving a car! Brilliant!
The look on his face when he realizes what a moron he is, is priceless!
I will say this…at least Stephanie apologized before sending this next one…
Few people know that before he was famous, the late Johnny Cash tried a chip full of salsa served backstage in Possumneck, Mississippi that changed his life. It was spicy and tangy and smoky and so good that he just couldn’t get it off of his mind. Unfortunately, there was no jar, no label.
Now, there have been rumors that Johnny had kind of an addictive personality. He would sometimes disappear for days on end. People attributed it to drugs or alcohol. The truth is that he would roam the country searching for the special hot sauce of his dreams. He heard rumors and whispers of the deadly condiment and followed them to countless dead ends. He stopped at every Tex Mex restaurant, truck stop, and Mexican grocery in the South without finding what he sought.
One day he heard tell of an old woman, a witch down in the Mayan peninsula in Mexico whom it was said, made the best salsa in the world! He cancelled his next five gigs and headed south. He rode donkeys, Jeeps and horse drawn wagons. He traversed deserts, mountains and jungles before finally reaching the fabled village where the old bruja lived.
He found and entered the old woman’s hut. As luck would have it, she was one of his first big fans, having caught one of his shows at that Holiday Inn in Possumneck, Mississippi while attending a Salsa Aficionado convention where one of her jars of salsa mysteriously disappeared and somehow made its way to a bowl backstage. She consented to sharing her secret recipe with him only after he agreed to write a song for her.
She shared the special Tomatillos grown in Mayan soil. She gave him the seeds from a rare Mexican pepper and showed him the special pan with a rounded bottom, similar to those used in the Far East that she would use to simmer “la lima” or “lime,” the source of the salsa’s tanginess. He asked her if he could just use his regular flat-bottomed pan but she insisted that he must use the round-bottomed pan.
From this came the inspiration for the lyrics: “Because you’re Mayan, I’ll wok the lime!”
It’s just cute!
Like Stephanie said, this is probably a repeat, but it is good enough, that who cares…
RED SKELTON’S SECRET TO THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 🌟
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.
12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”.
Can’t you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four letter word or political. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, “And May God Bless” with a big smile on his face.
At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office.
“It has not escaped my attention,” he pointed out, “that every time there’s a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor.”
“You know you’re right, sir,” exclaimed Fisk. “I didn’t realize it… you don’t suppose she’s faking it, do you?”
This is an outstanding article submitted by Stephanie. I’d try to print the whole thing here, but I really don’t have the time, so it’s a link to Wikipedia instead. I highly encourage you to read the whole thing and here’s the link.
When it comes to wine I’m very particular about what I buy. There are two things I look for before making my selection.
First, the word “Wine” must appear somewhere on the label. This is something I insist on.
Second, I look for a sign nearby that says “On Sale.”
Follow these two rules and you won’t go far wrong.
A dinner party of different nationalities had arrived at a restaurant. They each ordered a glass of wine, but when the wine arrived they noticed that each of the glasses had a fly in it.
* The Swede demanded to have new wine in the same glass.
* The Englishman demanded to have new wine in a new glass.
* The Finn picked the fly out of the wine and drank the wine.
* The Russian drank the wine, fly and all.
* The Chinese ate the fly but left the wine.
* The jew caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
* The Roman drank two thirds of the wine and then demanded to have new wine.
* The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish for cod.
* The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the wine, which he then donated to the Englishman.
* The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a 65 million dollar compensation for mental suffering.
* The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and roared: ‘Now spit out all that you swallowed!!’
Woman’s Wine Quote:
“Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have dinner with.”
Men’s Counter-Quote:
“Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.”
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Mark Twain (1835 – 1910)
A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it.
I’m having a real good time like I am.”
Now THAT is an awesome picture and a suitable place to end this one. I need sleep. It ended better than I feared and not as good as I had hoped. But, it is what it is. Until next time.
Well, it’s Saturday and I’m getting ready to walk out the door for a friends, kid’s graduation party. For us adults, it’s an excuse to get together and talk and visit. Most of them will be drinking, but I don’t do that when I have to drive. But first I have to stop and pick a few things up at the store and it’s starting to rain. Great fun. I will pick this up again when I get home. Until then, go ahead and talk amongst yourselves.
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Okay, so that took a bit longer than I thought it would…it is now Sunday, after church…actually, a LOT after church, and I’m just now getting back to you guys. I’m kinda surprised you’re all still here. Did you’all order pizza or anything? Raid the liquor cabinet? Okay, so long as you made yourselves at home.
Oh? You told them to put it on my tab? I see…
Okay, fair enough. I am the one who left you guys hanging for 24 hours. So, let’s not leave you hanging for any longer. Let’s jump in and get some laughter up in here, shall we?
This one is from Aussie Pete..
During a stopover in Hong Kong, at a travel agency, a tourist asked the beautiful Chinese girl behind the counter if she could escort him on a city tour and asked her for her phone number so he could call her to make arrangements.
She gave him a big smile, nodded her head and said, “Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight”.
Stunned, he replied with a big grin ……… “Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!”
A chap standing next to him overheard the conversation, tapped his shoulder and said to him ……… “What she actually said was:6 6 6 1 3 6 4 2 9.”
The Bible According to Children
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark which the animals come on to in pears.
3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night..
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
7. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments..
9. The first commandment was when Eve told adam to eat the apple..
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the MagnaCarta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
A nurse at a hospital received a call from an anxious woman.
“I’m diabetic and I’m afraid I’ve had too much sugar today,” she said.
“Are you light-headed?” the nurse asked.
“No,” the caller answered, “I’m a brunette.
Why do I feel like a couple of those are repeats?
THAT is a GREAT fountain!
Well, I’m not sharing it on FB, but I think this still counts
Well, this is totally a book of fiction! Everyone knows it’s impossible to either RAISE or KEEP a dragon!
Massachusetts, Newton Law
All families must be given a hog from the town’s mayor.
Rules from Joe in NJ
A synonym is a word you use if you can’t spell the other one.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
Write all complaints legibly in this space -> [] I could do it, Joe.
Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl mistakes!
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
I really like that picture…and actually quite simple.
Each and every one of us is responsible only for ourselves. No matter how much we want to be, nor how much we feel we are, we are not responsible for anyone but ourselves. Now, we do bear a certain responsibility as a parent for sharing the Gospel with our children and ensuring that they are raised with a Christian upbringing, and for setting an example for them. But, we are NOT held responsible if they choose NOT to follow that guidance.
A blonde pulls over at the petrol station, gets out of her car, opens the bonnet, and checks the engine oil.
After a few seconds of intelligent thinking, she takes the dipstick in her hand and, raising her chest high, walks up to the attendant.
“Excuse me sir, but can I buy a longer dipstick?”
“May I ask why you need a longer one ma’am?”
“Because this one isn’t long enough to reach the oil!”
The Great Commission…it’s like a job requirement…it comes from a couple of different places in the Bible, but one of the most famous is Matthew 28 starting at verse 18. Jesus had risen from the grave and met the eleven disciples where he had told them to meet. He told them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” And since we are all disciples as well, we have the same charge. Everything that we know to be true, that we’ve been taught, we are to teach. We are to make more disciples. God saved us, now we have to go back in there and help save more. It’s our job.
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant. “I was in that new restaurant across the street,” said one. “It’s so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere–it’s so sanitary that the whole place shines.”
“Please,” said the other roach frowning. “Not while I’m eating!”
Screenshot
Bill decided to try his hand at a new job and secured one as a used car salesman. He had no experience in this field but he figured he could use the old sales pitch that the car was “like brand-new” and had only been driven by a little old lady on Sundays.
He tried that approach on every perspective buyer but none seemed to believe him and no sales were made that day.
The following day he decided to change his sales pitch and sure enough he sold three cars.
The manager of the used car dealership called him over and asked what he had done to bring about all these sales.
Bill grinned, “Well they didn’t believe my little old lady story, so I told them that the car had previously been owned by a nymphomaniac who only used the backseat.”
Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in holding their newborn baby.
“Stop! You can’t do this!” exclaimed the brother.
“And why not?” asked Stan. “Don’t you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?” Stan said nothing.
His brother grew impatient, “C’mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle.”
Stan couldn’t take it anymore and asked his brother, “You’re sure you want a nephew?”
“Yes,” the brother replied. “It would be an honor.”
“Well congratulations, you’re holding him.”
And today I’m going to be really incorrect…
I JUST found this on X. I don’t spend any time on that stupid platform, but it came across my newsfeed first.
It’s about time! There should have been more signatures, and it’s way too late!
What a complete joke that trial was. Although, I really wasn’t surprised by the verdict. I’m going to make a prediction that he will actually be sentenced to prison time. Even though anyone with similar charges only has about a 10% chance of going to prison, he will be one that does. But, I will also bet he doesn’t spend any real time behind bars, but they will make sure he spends at least one day in there, if for no other reasons than to say that he did and for the photo ops.
They didn’t burn any cities…don’t you remember what the mainstream liars said? They were “mostly peaceful demonstrations” while the buildings were burning in the background.
Now, let’s tick the other one’s off…
STOP MISAPPROPRIATING OUR SIGN!
Okay, I think I’ve annoyed enough people for one day. I have to hurry up and finish up, the season 4 opener of The Chosen is coming on soon.
The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.
~ Stephen R. Covey
AVOCADO: Hello, I’m good fat.
BACON: [lights cigarette] [punches avocado]
When you have a friend who is going through a personal storm, instead of being the weatherman and spreading the news, try being an umbrella and cover them with love.
People say that drinking milk makes you stronger.
Drink 5 glasses of milk and try to move a wall. Can’t?
Now, drink 5 glasses of wine. The wall moves all by itself!
Do you know the capacity of the brain?
It is estimated at 2.5 Petabytes. Now 1 Petabyte is 1,000 Terabytes. 1 Terabyte equals 1,000 Gigabytes (GB). If you were to put all the brain’s capacity on 16GB thumb drives, it would take 156,000 thumb drives. The brain has 10 billion neurons.
Such a powerful system is usually hacked by a wife in 30 seconds or less.
That’s all I wanted you to know.
Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a Bar…
But they didn’t planet that way.
If your dentist fixed your cavities with different colors, would it be okay?
Or would you have mixed fillings?
The guy at the furniture store told me the sofa would seat 5 people without any problems.
Then it occurred to me, I don’t think I know 5 people without any problems.
I have lots of questions…and I admit, I’m a little scared.
The older I get the tighter companies are putting the lids on jars.
And on that strange note, it brings us to the end of another issue. Thanks for spending the evening with me my friends. May you all be blessed by God with Love and Happiness until we meet again. And remember…
It’s Saturday. The first relaxing day this week! I don’t have anything to say right now, so we’re just going to jump right into things.
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,
“Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset I’ve lost 20 pounds.”
“Why don’t you just leave him then?” asked her friend.
“Oh! Not yet.” the first replied, “I’d like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first.”
“However many holy words you read, However many you speak, what good will they do you If you do not act on upon them?”
— Buddha
I copied this from a friend on FB. It’s kind of old, but goes along well with some of the stuff we’ve been talking about lately and some of the stuff I’ve been dealing with lately
“I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. ‘I’m glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,’ I thought.
Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation. ‘Where are you headed?’ I asked the soldier seated nearest to me.
‘Petawawa. We’ll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we’re being deployed to Afghanistan.’
After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time… As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. ‘No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn’t be worth five bucks. I’ll wait till we get to base.’ His friend agreed.
I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch.
I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. ‘Take a lunch to all those soldiers.’ She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. ‘My son was a soldier in Iraq ; it’s almost like you are doing it for him.’ Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated.
She stopped at my seat and asked, ‘Which do you like best – beef or chicken?’
‘Chicken,’ I replied, wondering why she asked.
She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. ‘This is your thanks..’
After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. ‘I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.’ He handed me twenty-five dollars.
Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand and said, ‘I want to shake your hand.’
Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain’s hand. With a booming voice he said, ‘I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.’
I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers. Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.
When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!
Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. ‘It will take you some time to reach the base.. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.’
Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return.
These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little…
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to ‘The United States of America ‘ for an amount of ‘up to and including my life.’
That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.’
” 🕵️♂️ Inspired? Feel free to share among your friends ❤
A blank check, for up to and including my life.
I’ve had many nice things done for me over my very long life because I was a veteran either in uniform or out of it. I’ve also been cursed at, called names and spit on…so it goes both ways. Doesn’t really matter, because neither one of those, the good or the bad, is why I raised my hand and “so solemnly swore…” I’m not going to tell you why now. For those of you who’ve been following this ezine for any length of time, you already know why. And for the rest of you … well … you’ll figure it out.
Inside The Brutal Life And Gruesome Death Of King Henry II Of France
King Henry II was known to cut out the tongues of Protestants, but he faced a bloody death of his own when he was stabbed through the eye during a jousting tournament in 1559.
King Henry II of France was known for his brutality against Protestants. He would burn heretics alive and cut out the tongue of anyone who dared utter a word of dissent against the Catholic Church. But the monarch faced a gruesome death of his own when he was stabbed through the eye by a lance during a jousting tournament in 1559.
Keep reading the rest of this really interesting article sent in to us by our own dear Stephanie by clicking HERE.
Okay, here’s another one from Stephanie…click on the title to read the article. And it’s just as wild as it sounds.
This next one was sent in by our multi-talented Stephen B. It’s a really good story. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. I think it probably is, though.
True story? But a great read, and if you don’t get a bit misty you aren’t alive!
“Watch out! You nearly broadsided that car!” My father yelled at me. “Can’t you do anything right?”
Those words hurt worse than blows. I turned my head toward the elderly man in th e seat beside me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in my throat as I averted my eyes. I wasn’t prepared for another battle.
“I saw the car, Dad . Please don’t yell at me when I’m driving..”
My voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt.
Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back. At home I left Dad in front of the television and went outside to collect my thoughts…. dark, heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of rain. The rumble of distant thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil. What could I do about him?
Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon . He had enjoyed being outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against the forces of nature. He had entered grueling lumberjack competitions, and had placed often.
The shelves in his house were filled with trophies that attested to his prowess.
The years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn’t lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him outside alone, straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him about his advancing age, or when he couldn’t do something he had done as a younger man. Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a heart attack. An ambulance sped him to the hospital while a paramedic administered CPR to keep blood and oxygen flowing.
At the hospital, Dad was rushed into an operating room. He was lucky… he survived. But something inside Dad died. His zest for life was gone. He obstinately refused to follow doctor’s orders.
Suggestions and offers of help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults.
The number of visitors thinned, then finally stopped altogether. Dad was left alone.
My husband, Dick, and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm. We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust.
Within a week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation. It seemed nothing was satisfactory. He criticized everything I did. I became frustrated and moody. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out on Dick. We began to bicker and argue.
Alarmed, Dick sought out our pastor and explained the situation. The clergyman set up weekly counseling appointments for us. At the close of each session he prayed, asking God to soothe Dad ‘s troubled mind.
But the months wore on and God was silent. Something had to be done and it was up to me to do it.
The next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called each of the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages. I explained my problem to each of the sympathetic voices that answered in vain.
Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed, “I just read something that might help you! Let me go get the article..”
I listened as she read. The article described a remarkable study done at a nursing home. All of the patients were under treatment for chronic depression. Yet their attitudes had improved dramatically when they were given responsibility for a dog.
I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After I filled out a questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me to the kennels. The odor of disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. Each contained five to seven dogs. Long-haired dogs, curly-haired dogs, black dogs, spotted dogs all jumped up, trying to reach me. I studied each one but rejected one after the other for various reasons too big, too small, too much hair.
As I neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the far corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of the run and sat down. It was a pointer, one of the dog world’s aristocrats. But this was a caricature of the breed.
Years had etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray. His hip bones jutted out in lopsided triangles. But it was his eyes that caught and held my attention. Calm and clear, they beheld me unwaveringly.
I pointed to the dog. “Can you tell me about him?”
The officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement. “He’s a funny one..
Appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of the gate. We brought him in, figuring someone would be right down to claim him. That was two weeks ago and we’ve heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow.”
He gestured helplessly.
As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror. “You mean you’re going to kill him?”
“Ma’am,” he said gently, “that’s our policy.. We don’t have room for every unclaimed dog.”
I looked at the pointer again. The calm brown eyes awaited my decision.
“I’ll take him,” I said.
I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside me. When I reached the house I honked the horn twice. I was helping my prize out of the car when Dad shuffled onto the front porch… “Ta-da! Look what I got for you, Dad!” I said excitedly.
Dad looked, then wrinkled his face in disgust. “If I had wanted a dog I would have gotten one. And I would have picked out a better specimen than that bag of bones. Keep it! I don’t want it” Dad waved his arm scornfully and turned back toward the house.
Anger rose inside me.. It squeezed together my throat muscles and pounded into my temples. “You’d better get used to him, Dad . He’s staying!”
Dad ignored me. “Did you hear me, Dad ?” I screamed.
At those words Dad whirled angrily, his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed and blazing with hate. We stood glaring at each other like duelists, when suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp.. He wobbled toward my dad and sat down in front of him. Then slowly, carefully, he raised his paw.
Dad ‘s lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted paw. Confusion replaced the anger in his eyes. The pointer waited patiently. Then Dad was on his knees hugging the animal.
It was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship. Dad named the pointer Cheyenne .
Together he and Cheyenne explored the community. They spent long hours walking down dusty lanes. They spent reflective moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty trout. They even started to attend Sunday services together, Dad sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying quietly at his feet.
Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years.. Dad’s bitterness faded, and he and Cheyenne made many friends. Then late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne’s cold nose burrowing through our bed covers. He had never before come into our bedroom at night.
I woke Dick, put on my robe and ran into my father’s room. Dad lay in his bed, his face serene. But his spirit had left quietly sometime during the night.
Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I discovered Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad’s bed. I wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had slept on. As Dick and I buried him near a favorite fishing hole, I silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in restoring Dad’s peace of mind.
The morning of Dad’s funeral dawned overcast and dreary. This day looks like the way I feel, I thought, as I walked down the aisle to the pews reserved for family. I was surprised to see the many friends Dad and Cheyenne had made filling the church. The pastor began his eulogy. It was a tribute to both Dad and the dog who had changed his life.
And then the pastor turned to Hebrew s 13:2. “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.”
“I’ve often thanked God for sending that angel,” he said.
For me, the past dropped into place, completing a puzzle that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice that had just read the right article…
Cheyenne’s unexpected appearance at the animal shelter… his calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father… and the proximity of their deaths. And suddenly I understood. I knew that God had answered my prayers after all.
Life is too short for drama or petty things, so laugh hard, love truly and forgive quickly. Live While You Are Alive. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.
And if you don’t send this to at least 4 people — nobody cares! But do share this with someone. Lost time can never be found.
God answers our prayers in His time…….. not ours.
But He does indeed answer them. Thanks Stephen, that was really nice.
Joe from NJ wrote to me and posed me this question…
One thing has always troubled me:
Where did Noah put the termites?
He probably meant to leave them off the Ark. I know I would have.
Maryland, Baltimore Law
It is illegal to wash or scrub sinks, no matter how dirty they get.
My wife and I had a big fight. A BIG fight. Afterwards she came crawling to me on her hands and knees…
Saying, “You come out from under that bed and fight like a man!”
A man walked into the ladies department of a Alders, one of the largest department store chains.
He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. ‘I’d like to buy a bra for my wife’
‘What type of bra?’ asked the clerk.
‘Type?’ inquires the man ‘There is more than one type?’
‘Look Around,’ said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.
‘Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,’ replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what were the types.
The saleslady replied ‘The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?’
Still confused the man asked ‘What is the difference between them?’
The lady responded ‘It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills
This was sent in by Joe from NJ and quite frankly, I don’t know whether to say thank you or not.
During Autumn of 2000, a team of scientists at the Department of Forensics at University College London removed a row of passenger seats from a Central Line tube carriage for analysis into cleanliness.
Despite London Underground’s claim that the interior of their trains are cleaned on a regular basis, the scientists made some alarming discoveries:
This is what was found on the surface of the seats:
* 4 types of hair sample (human, mouse, rat, dog) * 7 types of insect (mostly fleas, mostly alive) * vomit originating from at least 9 separate people * human urine originating from at least 4 separate people * human excrement * rodent excrement * human semen
When the seats were taken apart, they found:
* the remains of 6 mice * the remains of 2 large rats * 1 previously unheard of fungus
It is estimated that by holding one of the armrests, you are transferring to your body the natural oils and sweat from as many as 400 different people. It is estimated that it is generally healthier to smoke five cigarettes a day than to travel for one hour a day on the London Underground. It is far more hygienic to wipe your hand on the inside of a recently flushed toilet bowl before eating, than to wipe your hand on a London Underground seat before eating. It is estimated that within London, more work sick-days are taken because of bugs picked up whilst traveling on the London Underground than for any other reason (including alcohol).
And we believe you…sure we do.
HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SEE A CROWD OF DEFENSELESS PEOPLE DIE BEFORE WE REALIZE BEING DEFENSELESS ISN’T THE ANSWER?
Wow! WOW! I want so much to know what the outcome of this is.
During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.
The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going.
The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.
After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, “You see, it IS vanishing cream!”
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
Mahatma Gandhi (1869 – 1948)
Older than that!!!
Well, that’s it my friends. All out of time and got to get some sleep. Until next time.
So, it’s still Memorial Day as I start this. And I’m in the middle of an essay based on “Thank you for your service. I’m not sure where I’m going with it, but there’s also an awful lot of Matthew 25 in there and the parable of the Sheep and the Goats. If you’re familiar at all with that parable, I’m sure you can see the parallel with “Service”.
It’s been a depressing day for me today, thinking about old and distant friends and what some of them have given up and missed out on. Some of them have given the ultimate sacrifice.
Why don’t we take better care of our veterans? Boy, that’s a topic for an entire book. It annoys me so much that we are welcoming illegals into our country, giving them our money, a place to live and food to eat and we still have homeless vets. Men and women who have offered to give up their lives for this country and ask only that this country fulfill their promise and take care of them. That was part of the deal. Maybe not written out, but it was certainly implied, right? No man left behind? Haven’t all those vets that are wondering our streets with no place to live been left behind?
Okay, I’m going to start ranting and other things if I keep on this path, so let’s do some laughing before it’s time to go to bed and go back to work in the morning.
If every time someone asks you to do something you gasp quietly and whisper to yourself, “Just as the Prophecy foretold,” people will eventually stop asking you to do things.
I am definitely going to start doing this!
I don’t know, but it’s a cool picture.
No! No, no, no, NO!
I am beginning to think I will never be old enough to know better.
The moon is actually more useful than the sun, since the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark. The sun only gives us light during the day, when it’s already bright out.
I work at an alphabet soup factory. Don’t laugh, I made fifty G’s last week!
Why is it ALWAYS Bob?
“Gathering nuts and berries, you say?”
I tried to embrace my inner child today and the little jerk bit me.
Of course I’m an organ donor.
Who wouldn’t want a piece of this?
Billion Dollar Idea:
A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell,
“I’m just cooking!”
I am not!
I was heartbroken when my wife told me that my five-year-old was not my son.
Then she told me to pay more attention at kindergarten pickup.
Most people think that the T-Rex can’t clap because its arms are too short.
But really it’s because they’re all dead.
The people who make fitted sheets need to sit down with the people who make mattresses and get on the same page. Making the bed shouldn’t be like putting a swimming cap over a fridge.
“Signs Found In Kitchens”
Clean enough to be healthy but dirty enough to be happy.
So this isn’t Home Sweet Home.
Ring Bell for Maid Service. If no answer do it yourself!
I clean house every other day. Today is the other day!
I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!
A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
I came, I saw, I decided to order take out
A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.
A balanced diet is dark chocolate in one hand and white chocolate in the other.
Remember only dull women have immaculate houses.
And that’s what we’ve come to…overstating the obvious for the moronic.
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.
Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?”
The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, “Sure!” The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, “352.”
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, “You’re right! O.K., I’ll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock.”
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, “O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?”
Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, “Looks like a duck, flies like a duck… it’s probably a duck,” and shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.
The next bird flies overhead and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, “Hmmmm…green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound…might be a duck.” He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.
A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, “Go see if that was a duck.”
I’m closing this one a tiny bit early so that I have time to make a final point. Monday was Memorial Day. A day that means something a little bit different to a Veteran than it does to a civilian. And it means even more to a Vet who’s seen combat. I listen to a podcast and the host was saying something that I’d like to expound on a little bit. Two things that you don’t say to a Veteran on Memorial Day and a couple of things that we don’t like to see.
And maybe I should just speak for myself.
Don’t say “Happy Memorial Day.” It’s not a happy day. For most of us, it’s a day of remembering. It’s a “Memorial”. Most of us, no matter how long or short we’ve served, have lost someone to the service. It could be to combat, to PTSD, to any number of other things. We’ve lost track of brothers. Some of our brothers, like Lethal Leprechaun, succumbed to their wounds many years after they were received. We tend to say a lot of prayers on Memorial Day. So, no. “Happy Memorial Day” is pretty inappropriate.
Don’t say “Thank you for your service.” Not that I would ever be rude to anyone who said that to me at anytime, but honestly, the desire to respond with, “that’s not what today is for.” is somewhat overwhelming. Any other day is appreciated. Veterans’ Day is very appreciated.
The month of May is military appreciation month. Most people don’t even know that. The tiny sinful “Pride” population does a great job of getting everyone fired up over “Pride month” in June, and yet the group of people who offer to put their life on the line for you…how many of you have seen a single thing for Military Appreciation Month that is coming to a close? Nope, me either. And yet, there are twice as many Vets as their are people who identify as LGBsomething or other. 3.2% of the population for them, 6.2% of the population for Vets – which is actually down from 18% just 4 years ago.
I know that last one doesn’t have much to do with Memorial Day, it just sticks in my craw.
Anyway, to wrap it up, don’t have Memorial Day sales. And for the picnics and things like that, take a minute to pause and remember what the day is really all about.
That’s all I really have to say. Love you guys, thanks for listening. Until next time.
Dragon Laffs 