So, it’s Friday. Earlier today you got today’s episode, this one you won’t get until Monday and hopefully that will give me a chance to get some stuff out of my head that has been laying there for a while now. To answer one question off the bat, no.
And to answer another question, yes.
And one more, the answer is twenty-six.
Okay, now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on. To more mundane things, I have not spoken to the Chaplain yet. Either he hasn’t been around or we’ve just missed each other, but it has been a “bad” week for me. I tried to get ahold of “my counselor” and SHE didn’t answer me when I asked to see her, so she might be busy this week as well. It is right in the middle of prime vacation time for everyone.
Izzy has her counselor appointment today, so we usually do “Izzy Things” when that happens. “Izzy Things” involve the Good Will, Thrift Shops, Consignment Shops, and… lunch. Oh, and I usually run by my cigar shop for my smokie treats. MY one and only bad habit that I have left. So, we will be leaving to do that shortly.
I also … wait … what’s this … hang on …
Not sure if it’s true or not, JUST came across my phone and I’m not that hooked up to the trends, but I’m hearing that Biden is dropping out of the race. Of course this will be old news by the time you guys read this. I’ll let you know what I hear.
But, for now, let’s get to the laughs before I have to leave for Izzy’s Day.
I’ve meant to use this next one for last couple of issues, but have forgotten, so I’m going to put it in early so I don’t forget again.
I’m not sure if I used this one or not (and I’m too lazy … or … um … I mean, I’m too busy to go and look it up and see if I have.
Actually very interesting, especially as it came out in the year that I graduated High School.
I would LOVE to have this!!! Can you imagine this in your front yard? It would definitely tend to keep the critters out of the garden!
The third largest flying bird in wingspan is this Andean condor(Vultur gryphus) with a wing span of 3.3 meters behind the Great white pelican with a 3.7. The Greatest of all is the Wandering Albatross with a 3.9 wingspan.
But it is said to be the biggest and the largest of them all by weight and size and they live upto 70 plus years if not affected by accidents, disease or lead poisoning.
No kidding!
Missed a spot
Lynn sent this one in…
I was today years old when I learned the “clover” in my garden is wood sorrel.
You can tell by the yellow flowers and little “fairy pickles”.
Highly nutritious and lemon flavored.
I think I might have some of that some “clover” in my garden, too.
These ladies will go to ANY length to sell their Tupperware and their Avon! (Although, I’m probably really dating myself with that crack. Are Tupperware and Avon still a thing?)
Pop Smith just sent me this one. It’s actually pretty cute.
Yeah, see I’d have to raise my hand on that one, too. I always make a note of what the original time the GPS says when I start out on a trip and then it is my goal to beat that time. The more I beat it by, the better I did. I can ALWAYS beat it, but depending on the length of the trip, how MUCH can I beat it BY? Ah, now there’s the contest!
Okay, this one is from Joe and it’s VERY GOOD. The question is asked, “How did she do that?” and I gotta say, “Beats the heck outta me!!”
Louisiana, New Orleans Law
Snakes are not allowed within 200 yards of the Mardi Gras parade route.
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after him, “Excuse me, did you want a cart?”
“No,” he answered. “I’m only after one thing.”
As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, “Just like a man.”
Absolutely Fantastic!
I heard that the BabylonBee also reported that Jack Smith filed two new charges against Trump. They were:
Avoidance of a Targeted Projectile Interfering With an Assassination Attempt
These guys just won’t quit!
Don’t lose friendships today over two men who don’t even know your names.
It’s okay to have different political views and still maintain love and respect for each other.
What would happen if they added a “NONE OF THE ABOVE” option to the ballot and that is the one that got the most votes? Would they then have to kick out those two choices and start all over again with two more until someone clearly won? Wouldn’t that be better? If a clear majority of the people didn’t want EITHER ONE of the candidates?
And Bakeries and Cookie shops, we gotta work something out.
So, it’s really surprising that I got this picture the other day…
Because that very same day, in the mail I received a toy I had ordered for myself…
I haven’t started building it yet cause I’m in the middle of a tri-plane that I’m working on right now. Just stupid little things that I like to do to keep my hands busy. I have no real talent, so I have to build from a premade kit, but it’s fun. And wood because it’s easier for me. Now, my buddy Wheats has talent like you wouldn’t believe with plastic models. He adapts them and changes things on them and paints them realistically. Again, with wood, I can leave them “Wood Colored” and they still look good. Then there’s Stephen B. who’s stuff we’ve shown before who also works with wood, who, like my dad, can take a BLOCK of wood and remove everything “that doesn’t look like a horse”. Yeah, I don’t have any of that.
Now THAT is a great table!
Who still has one?
I can still remember going to the Electrical Supply Store (may have been an early Radio Shack) with my dad to test the tubes to get new ones. They had a machine that you would plug them into to test them.
No, it’s not a rustic hanging shelf…it’s a swing.
A worried bum entered a doctor’s office. “Doctor,” he said, “you’ve got to help me. I swallowed a silver crown about five years ago.”
“Good heavens, man!” screamed the doctor. “Why have you waited five years? Why didn’t you go to a doctor the day you swallowed the silver crown?”
“To tell the truth,” replied the bum, “I didn’t need the money at the time.”
No Swimming Norman Rockwell June 4, 1921
Mr. Fix-It Stevan Dohanos January 14, 1956
Overflowing Tub John Falter December 3, 1955
Living Mannequin J.C. Leyendecker March 5, 1932
Mother’s Little Helpers John Falter April 18, 1953
Some good information, but not translated very well…
So, The end of another issue. Where I want to say so many different things, but can’t seem to find the words. Mostly because my life is pretty full right now. That’s a good thing, I guess. But, I’m asking for God to correct some things in my life that I need help with.
So, my friends, do me a favor and keep me in your prayers and until we speak again, may God Bless you and keep you.
Not really sure when I’m going to get this one published. Today is Tuesday, but it’s already bed time. Tomorrow I’ve got jail after work so I won’t be able to get much done tomorrow, so this won’t make it out for Thursday, so maybe I can have it ready for Friday. And that’s because I’ve been so busy with so many other things this week.
Between being drawn to fighting for a class that I want to teach at church, fighting for a young man’s church credentials, fighting over an exercise at work, and fighting emotions over grief, it seems as though it’s just been fight, fight, fight for the past week and quite frankly I am sick to death of fighting.
I’m tired, I’m sore, I’m the proverbial grumpy old man (dragon)…all I’m missing is yelling at some kid to “GET OFF MY LAWN” and I’ll be all set.
Plus, I’m being prompted by the Holy Spirit to make an apology that is actually about 2 plus years overdue and I know it’s part of my repentance, and it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s more that I don’t know HOW to.
The man I need to apologize to is not going to be a problem, I would consider him a friend even. He probably doesn’t think I need to apologize, but I really feel like I need to, and it’s come up now, all of a sudden.
See, the man is one of the base chaplains and I owe him an apology because of the way I spoke to him back when Mary died. I was pretty rude and used some very coarse language and, well, it’s been playing on my mind. And him and I go to bible study together every other Wednesday and for me claiming to be a Christian now, well … you get the idea.
Anyway, the Spirit is telling me that I need to repent to him.
But, in the meantime, we’ve got some laughter to chase after, so let’s start doing that…at least a little, before I have to go to bed.
Okay, I can’t help myself. I know it’s been too soon, but I gotta start out with more of these memes that I haven’t used yet.
This one is from brother Joe … and it scares me a little… he writes:
I’ve sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth. I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
I have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I’ve still got my Florida driver’s license!
But see, the part that scares me? Joe lives in New Jersey!
And that ain’t even the half of it.
I’ll bet his on first.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
– Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
Maybe carrots will give me strong, sharp eyes, but what if they also give me long floppy ears?
A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn’t come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.
The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn’t drunk.
About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina, and one said to the other. “Look Pepe, that’s the character who climbed into the car while we were pushing.”
HUNCHBACK’S WIFE: I’m getting worried about that back of yours. It looks really awful. Perhaps you should see a doctor. Eventually, after a lot of persuasion the Hunchback goes to the doctor.
DOCTOR:I want you to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes jacket then stops)
HUNCHBACK:I don’t like getting undressed.
DOCTOR:If you want me to examine your back you’ll have to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his vest on.)
HUNCHBACK:I don’t like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.
DOCTOR:Do you want me to examine your back or not? ( Very reluctantly the hunchback removes his vest.
DOCTOR:How long is it since you were at school?
HUNCHBACK:Over 30 years. Why?
DOCTOR:Did you ever wonder what happened to your backpack?
That’s it. I’m done. I’m having a rough night, so I’m sure I’ll talk about it in the next issue. I can’t right now.
I’m sitting here on Saturday night in virtual shock. President Trump has been shot. All of us vets are looking at the circumstances and thinking to ourselves, “There ain’t no way.”
I saw a post from Breitbart news service that shows a tweet from Kenneth P. Vogel, who is a 48 year old New York Times Reporter that says, “Biden told donors on a private coll this afternoon: ‘It’s time to put Trump in the bullseye.'”
One spectator killed, two wounded, the shooter killed, probably by the Secret Service snipers. But some people on the ground said they saw the shooter moving around on the roof and were in the process of reporting it to law enforcement when the shots rang out. Going back to the vets in the audience, how did the Secret Service snipers and others NOT see the shooter?
So many things just not adding up.
And the sad part is, we all know … WE KNOW … we won’t be getting any truthful answers.
Tomorrow is Sunday and we have so many, many things to bring to the throne of God. And yes, I know we never have to wait until Sunday to bring things to God. I spent my entire day today bringing things to God. I changed out the faucet in the bathroom today. Yes, the same one that I fixed the leak in, during the last episode. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I learned an awful lot. Let me give you a short list so that maybe, just maybe, some of you can learn from the pain and suffering that I went through.
#1 – Do not overtighten anything. #2 – I hate plumbing. #3 – If you have to lay on your back with your head stuck under a small wooden cabinet, cursing the idiots who overtightened the current fixtures, it is better with an old pillow that you can then throw away when you’re down. Even better with a younger person doing it for you. #4 – I hate plumbing. #5 – When you have to make a trip to ACE Hardware to pick up a part you didn’t expect to need, it is better to listen to your daughter and bring the old part with you so you don’t have to bring the part you just bought back to buy the correct part that you could have bought the first time, had you just listened to your daughter and brought the old part with you the first time. #6 – And finally and most importantly, I learned something that I was pretty sure I knew all along…I HATE PLUMBING! I will hire someone to fix a leaky faucet next time.
The day you are reading this, Monday, 15 July, I will be in a bad way. I am in a bad way now and have been for the last couple of days, getting worse each day. I would have taken Monday off work, but I can’t because of things that are going on at work.
Sigh…
Monday will be … would have been … no, WILL BE my 29th Wedding Anniversary.
My mind is wandering so far afield lately.
Oh, it’s now Sunday morning, by the way. I feel asleep writing last night. Now I’m waiting for time to go to church.
So, I’ve got about an hour or so before I have to leave. The dogs have been taken out and fed…well, one dog has been taken out and fed, the other one couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed. Pepper is still upstairs in bed with Izzy, Willow and I are up, drinking coffee, she has eaten and we went out.
That really doesn’t sound right, does it? She ate, I’m drinking coffee. We didn’t go out, I took HER out.
Never mind.
Let’s get started on the laffs before I have to leave and we’ll finish up later.
Okay, I want to make a point here, first thing, right off the bat, it has been less than 12 hours and the memes have already started. But it does show that our country will be alright if we can already find humor in the situation.
I do want to offer my deepest condolences to the families of the dead and wounded and I hope they knew Christ and are therefore in Heaven right now. Izzy asked me last night if I thought Trump would pay for the funerals and the medical expenses of the people and I said if they needed it, I would be very surprised if he didn’t. But don’t be surprised if you don’t hear about it.
Anyway, let’s start with these since they are the topic dejur.
That’s what I’ve gotten so far. Well, honestly, I’ve gotten some others but they were in even worse taste than those.
If you can’t figure that one out, you are way too young!
Okay, so I’m back from church, GREAT Service! We have such a wonderful little church. We had two baptisms today also! Really good day. At the appropriate time, I went up to the rail and asked my Elder and his wife for prayer for my emotional health because of how much I’m hurting right now. I am truly blessed.
When I got back to my computer, I had more memes from you guys about Trump, so let me put them in right here…
These first three are from Izzy and she said these are just the three that she kept! I REALLY like the first one.
These next four are from our GREAT friend Wouter in South Africa!
And I think some of the rest of these were sent in by Pop Smith
We’ve already done so many of these today that I’m only gonna throw a couple of them in here just to keep the editor and printer happy. If I take entire sections out, they both get really annoyed with me and start changing entire … thunderstorms and lightningare definite hazardsto dragons fromthe middle ages to high school football teams and …
… sigh (… see what I mean?)
…alright guys, you made your point. Anyway, here’s a couple more political memes…
Inflating Beach Toy Stevan Dohanos August 20, 1949
Cowboy Asleep in Beauty Salon Kurt Ard May 6, 1961
Boy on High Dive Norman Rockwell August 16, 1947
Baby and Nail Polish Stevan Dohanos July 22, 1950
Watering Father Richard Sargent June 4, 1955
Okay, this one gets three things to lead it off… first this one
Then it gets these two…
A man went to his barber to get a haircut before he left on a trip to Rome.
He was telling his barber about the trip when the barber said, “Rome? Why would anyone go there? It’s crowded and dirty! So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re flying on American,” the man told him.
“American?” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible choice! The planes are old and the flight attendants are ugly. Where are you staying in Rome?”
“Oh, we’re at the downtown Marriott.”
“What? That dump with its overpriced rooms and poor service? Well, what are you doing when you get there?” the barber griped.
“Going to the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”
“Yeah? Well good luck. A million people want to see the Pope. You’ll never get close. But good luck to you. You’ll probably need it.”
Finishing the cut, the barber handed him his coat.
A month later, the man was back for another cut. The barber asked about the trip to Rome.
“Oh, it was wonderful. We were on a brand new plane and it was so overcrowded we got bumped to first class, where a beautiful young stewardess waited on us hand and foot. And the hotel was fantastic! They had just finished remodeling and were overbooked, so they gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!
“Well, I know you didn’t get to see the Pope,” the surly barber grumbled.
“Oh, but we did!” the man exclaimed. “We toured the Vatican and were chosen to personally meet the Pope! I actually knelt down as he spoke a few words to me!”
“Really?” the barber wondered, impressed despite himself. “What did he say?”
“He said, ‘Where’d you get that lousy haircut?'”
“How great is our God? Name above all names. Worthy of all praise. My heart will sing. How great is our God?”
That’s what’s playing in the background right now as I wrap up this episode. I just want you guys to keep me in mind as you read this, know that I’m thinking of you because I know that you are thinking of me … at least while you’re reading this and I’m asking for you to give me good thoughts and prayers. It’s going to be a tough day for me. Heck it’s a tough day for me today.
My darling Mary, I miss you every day. Can’t wait till I get to see you again.
I’m actually quite proud of that header. A color by number picture that I did with photoshopped elements added. Plus it was a lot of fun to do.
So, I’m guessing that it’s going to end up with one issue on Monday and one on either Thursday or Friday depending on how my week goes. Probably mostly on Fridays, since I have ministry stuff on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.
I’m actually starting this one on Sunday evening. It has been a LONG HARD weekend for me. Thursday was the 4th of July and a day off and holiday. I took Friday off as a liberal leave day and of course had Saturday and Sunday off. So a nice four-day weekend and I feel like I would have gotten more relaxation if I had been at work.
I fixed a leaky sink, but ended up ordering a new faucet for the bathroom anyway because I couldn’t change the hot water side, so I’m going to just change out the whole faucet. Which should be fun because I’ve never done it before. Maybe I’ll take pictures.
Here’s my list:
Fixed the leaky sink
Vacuumed out the car
Went shopping both at Harbor Freight (Yay!) and for groceries (Boo!)
Changed my bed linens (NOT an easy task! – I have an extra large and heavy mattress that has sheet suspenders under it to hold the fitted sheets on because the mattress is larger)
Did three loads of laundry
Mowed the lawn
Weed-eated the lawn
Used my new backpack sprayer and sprayed weed killer all over the lawn
Wrote
Studied
Worked on Dragon Laffs
Took and picked up Izzy at her new job on base both Saturday and Sunday
Was Security at Church on Sunday
Had a meeting with new people at Church who are building a house for homeless men in town for my jail ministry
And built a little wooden model of an owl in memory of Mary, who collected owls
The owl was just a time waster. I used to build the little wooden model/puzzles all the time. And I went online and ordered a couple of other ones to play with while I’m watching TV, listening to podcasts or listening to my bible read scriptures to me.
Anyway, that’s been most of my long weekend. I feel like I’ve been beaten with a stick…a big, thick stick…by a big hungarian guy…with a crappy attitude towards dragons.
So many people have no idea what it’s like to be in pain ALL THE TIME. I still go back to the line – “I wake up on a GOOD DAY in enough pain to send most of you young people to the emergency room or reaching for the phone calling 911 for an ambulance.” And the flip side of that is, like today, waking up on a BAD DAY, still climbing out of bed with tears in my eyes and thanking God for the night’s rest and for the day that He’s put before me, asking for His help to get through the day and setting out with the faith to KNOW that HE will see me through the day. Even though as I sit here writing this I have NO IDEA how He’s going to do it, but knowing that He will.
One last thing before we get this started…I saw this little family on the way to picking Izzy up the other day. I’m thinking wild turkey, but I can’t be really sure. Any of you guys out there have any ideas?
Okay, Smartalec Izzy just had me do a Google search (I knew how to do that! I just didn’t THINK of doing that!) and according to Google, I was right, they are wild turkeys…walking down River Road here in town. Gotta love livin’ in the country.
And now….
Okay, for the next couple of “in-between pictures” I’m going to pop in memes about memes. What is the big deal about stealing memes? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Isn’t that why we make them? So other people can snag them? In the hopes that one day someone forwards you a meme and tells you how funny it is and it turns out it is one that YOU created? That’s why I always try to remember to put a little dragon in the lower corner of the ones that I create. So here’s the first one:
Not sure if this is a true story, Urban Legend, or just a good joke…whatever. It is funny and made funnier by the fact that it COULD be true. But I have heard it before, so who knows.
It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one’s for you.
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”
The agent replied, “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first; and then I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. “May I have your attention, please?”, she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14”.
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, “F*** You!”
Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to get in line for that, too.”
Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.
Boy, she handled that second part MUCH better than I would have.
The second meme, meme…
Do you younger guys even know who these guys are? I asked Izzy, she had no idea who they were!!!
Another meme of memes…
And the LAST meme of memes…for now, anyway…
“Impish invited me over to play…can I come in, please?”
That is so bad for you!
I saw this many years ago and it just surfaced again: __________________
I agree with Joe, I read this many years ago and laughed myself silly. This is truly a classic piece.
I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and. I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’
‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’
She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’
Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have sign on the car like the Domino’s man.
They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
‘And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.
When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.’
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I’m sure I applauded the loudest.
Ever since then, when it’s Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.
Cool! I was keeping an eye on Dave, also.
Hold on tight when you watch this one, it’s really hard.
And that’s it my friends. Much more I wanted, needed to say, but I ran out of time. Maybe I’ll get to it for Saturday. My love to you all.
I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. That everyone stayed safe and happy. I’m actually starting this one on the 4th of July because I’m staying home with my doggies because they HATE the fireworks and the city sets them off right down the street (practically) from me. Plus I live between some real Indiana rednecks who’ve been setting stuff off for the past couple of days and ALL day today. Lots of M-80s or whatever the modern day equivalent is. Heck, these guys could be setting off sticks of dynamite for all I know.
So, I spent the day building new subheading titles (Good Morning Campers, Dragon Pix, Fantasy Pix, etc) and added a few new ones for specialized people who contribute all the time. Try to make it a little more participatory.
We’ll see.
But, in the meantime, let’s go ahead and get the regular show started and see where it takes us today. I feel like I’ve got some things to talk about today, like there is something percolating in the back of my head that needs to come out in my writing, but I’m not sure what that might be just yet. I’m sure that God will let me know what that is at the right time.
But for now…
How about a round up of last minute 4th of July stuff that I received…
It’d be easier on my poor puppies if we’d done that here. Although these guys probably would’ve just ignored it.
I don’t know…some of them I may have already used…but here’s some more I know I didn’t use…
I’m kinda wondering if that isn’t Mrs. Aussie Pete. Not that they would be celebrating the 4th, but you know, just posing for the picture. Or someone from his family.
An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper. “You were speeding,” the cop said. “I’m going to have to give you a ticket.”
“Yep,” the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.
” These flies sure are terrible,” the trooper complained.
“Yep,” the farmer said. “Them are circle flies.”
“What’s a circle fly?”
“Them flies that circle a horse’s tail,” answered the farmer. “Them are circle flies.”
“You wouldn’t be calling me a horse’s ass, would you?” the trooper angrily asked.
“Nope, I didn’t,” the farmer replied. There was a pause as the trooper continued to write out the ticket…”But you sure can’t fool them flies.”
Too funny!
I feel like I’m in a rut. Every time I go to bed at night, I find myself just getting up again in the morning.
Anon.
Massachusetts Law
Bullets may not be used as currency.
2024 Staff Photos
A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: “Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.
We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pyjamas. I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”
He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns.
His wife asks: “Did you have a good trip, dear?”
He says: ” Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pyjamas.”
His wife smiles and says, “Oh no I didn’t. I put them in your tackle box!”
Another really good one from brother Joe…
An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.
The human resources manager tells him, “You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day.”
Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address.
To this the manager replies, “You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day.”
Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers’ market and sees a stand selling 25lb crates of beautiful red tomatoes.
He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family.
During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night.
He multiplies his profits quickly. Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.
At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.
By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard.
Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage. The tomato company’s payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed a million dollars.
Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.
When the man replies that he doesn’t have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, “What, you don’t have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you’d had all of that five years ago!”
“Ha!” snorts the man. “If I’d had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.15 an hour.”
Which brings us to the moral:
Since you got this story by e-mail, you’re probably closer to being a janitor than a millionaire.
Sadly, I got it, too.
That one cracked me up so badly. That is me SO many times. When I get a chance to actually sit at church and not play security and walk around during service, I sit in the very front row and when my stomach makes its ridiculously loud noise, I always look up at the Pastor like it’s his fault.
Never works though.
A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel.
Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers.
The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. And the trial went very quickly. After only an hour of testimony, and very short closing arguments, both sides rested. The jury was then instructed by the judge, and was sent back to the jury room to deliberate.
After nearly six hours, the trial court was concerned that the jury had not returned with a verdict. The case had, in fact, turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room, to see if they needed anything.
The bailiff returned, and the judge asked, “Are they close to reaching a verdict?”
The bailiff shook his head, and replied, “Your Honor, they’re still doing nomination speeches for the position of foreman.”
This is a great one! It’s from Buzzfeed and it’s called:
I am not that old, but one time, I was telling my younger cousins about how Netflix used to be a mailing service, and they were absolutely gobsmacked. I myself was kinda shocked too, because I’d just assumed that was common knowledge. (Wait till I tell them about the mythical world of Blockbuster.) So when redditor u/MrDNL asked the people of r/AskOldPeople to share the common knowledge from their time that younger generations might have a hard time believing, I was all in. Here are some of the responses that will either make you feel totally nostalgic or completely puzzled:
1.“When the internet first came out, you couldn’t talk on the phone and be online at the same time.”
Click on the title above to get the other 25. Trust me…it’s well worth it!
And here’s another one… this poor bear. You are not going to believe the crap this poor bear has put up with.
So, today … Friday … has been one of those days. I WAS going to get up, do lawn work all day and get that out of the way, but instead it started raining, so Izzy and I went shopping. Harbor Freight was having a sale (Man! I love Harbor Freight. It’s like the toy store for men.) I spray a lot of weed kill and I’ve had this little one gallon, hand carry pump sprayer that I use. I usually fill it up twice and it’s a real pain by half an hour or so. I bought a 3 gallon backpack sprayer for $29 on sale. I’m going to try it out on Saturday. I also bought a little bitty wet/dry vac specifically for cleaning out the car. Holy cow!
It will suck the hair off a watermelon at 100 paces! It’s a little monster! Plus, you can hook the hose up to the outlet and make it a blower. There’s a warning on there that says basically when you use it as a blower that anything inside the canister can be ejected through the hose, so make sure the canister is empty before hand. So, I’m thinking, buy a bunch of that birthday confetti, fill the whole canister up with it, poke the hose inside or over the top of a bathroom stall while someone is using it and turn it on! How awesome would THAT be!?
Or even better! I have to start punching holes in like 50 new base plans that are about 150 pages each…save all the little round circles that are punched out…Yeah!
Anyway, when we got home, Izzy and I trimmed some branches, but everything was too wet to mow, so that’s now on tap for Saturday.
Okay, no theme today, you are just going to get about 10 or so of the memes in the order that I have them in the file. So, don’t blame me if they are all one sided. I just send out what I receive. Besides, you guys all know how I feel. I am a Christian, Constitutional, Conservative.
I saw a tweet (do we still call them that now that it’s X?) just a quick headline that said that Biden had a medical issue on Air Force One. My first thought was that, okay here it is, their excuse for getting rid of him from the ticket. Someone responded, “No he didn’t. He walked off the plane just fine.” I stopped reading at that point because it’s all becoming nonsense…would that be “again” or “still”?
That is so much me! Except I wave my tablet because I can’t afford books anymore…I read too fast.
I know. This is a real worry of mine. I went to the eye doctor the other day and I told her that I HAVE to take care of my eyes. As far as my body goes, they are my number ONE priority because otherwise I won’t be able to read. I hope and pray that there are good libraries in Heaven. But, there you will have all those historical figures to TELL you the stories themselves. How’d you like to spend an afternoon talking to Noah about the art of ark building or to Moses about what it was like standing in front of pharoah while you told him to “Let my people go!” Man! I can’t hardly wait!
This one is from Steve H. And it’s awesome. Here’s what he has to say about it.
Subject:Must watch short YouTube “This is what STRENGTH looks like” on YouTube
An iconic but relatively unknown response to those still suffering from terminal cases of Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS.)
Two young men are walking down Fifth Avenue. The first one says, “Look at that gorgeous redhead in that green suit.”
They walk on, and the same young man says, “Wow! Take a gander at that blonde in those red slacks.”
They continue, and again, the first young man says, “Holy cow! Feast your eyes on that brunette in the …”
The second young man finally says, “Is that all you can think about? …..Clothes?”
I have no idea WHO amongst all of you had the temerity to send me that!!!
So I heard someone on the radio say, “until you can thank God for the death of your spouse, you have not completely come to grips with it yet.”
I started thinking about that. While pondering this deep topic, I received this from my (and your) deep friend Stephanie.
Now, I’ve seen this, or something very similar to it many times before and it is quite true. It leaves you quite changed. Most of it in horrible, devastating, incredibly painful ways.
But in what good ways have I been changed that I could possibly thank God for?
Sure…there have been some positive changes in my life since I’ve lost Mary. And to be clear, I HATE that term. I haven’t lost her. Like if I look around enough I can find her again or if I just lift up the right towel or pillow I can jump in excitement and say, “Oh! There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”
No.
And it’s not like I don’t know exactly where she is. And it’s not like I don’t have every assurance of being with her again some day for all eternity, although I’m also assured that our reunion will not be very high on the list of either of our priorities.
But thanking God involves being truly thankful for something important. What am I truly thankful for that happened because Mary died? I’ve lost 138 pounds, but that’s mostly because eating just isn’t any fun any more.
What else?
Well, I guess, the biggest thing is that I went back to church, more importantly, I went back to God. Not that I ever really left God, but I REALLY went back to God, for everything, every day. Mary was so much better at that then I was. Relying on God for everything. I was more self reliant. Which do you think works out better?
My life is so much better now. I am so much more content. I have several ministries that I am involved in and more than one person has told me that their life has been changed because of my efforts, although I HAVE to emphasize that is NOT a reason. No wait, changing others lives IS a reason, but me taking credit for it NOT a reason because it’s NOT me, it’s God choosing to work through me.
And that ain’t nuthin’!
But to hit my knees and say those words, “Thank you God for taking Mary.”
Dragon Laffs 