Amazing as it seems, the above header is 12 years old.  I dug back in the old file cabinets for it.  It’s one of the more interesting ones.

So, I knew some work was going to have to be done on the Trike, but I really didn’t want to find out ten miles from home.  The Whelpling and I and my granddaughter (she was on the back of the Whelpling’s brand new Harley) were out riding and to make a long story short, the back brakes locked up.  Probably because it is 21 years old and it has sat for four years.  The only way to get them unlocked was to cut through the brake line to release the pressure.  (I rode home with just the front brakes, so needless to say, we took the backroads home.) And the clutch is way out of adjustment or ruined, so new brake assembly and probably clutch rebuild kit.

The Whelpling says he knows a guy.

We’ll see.

So, after having a nice long weekend, I have to go back to work tomorrow (today is Sunday), I will give everyone an opportunity to contribute to the bills this year since now I’m going to be spending a little bit more not only on myself than I previously thought, (so I won’t be able to kick in as much myself as I had thought) but on the website.  I’ve had a couple of complaints about older issues disappearing from the website when people went looking, not the issues themselves so much as the graphics from the issues.  The reason for that is that I’m very limited on storage space.  I’m only allotted 13 GB of storage and that’s an upgrade from the normal 6 GB.  When it gets full, I’m not able to post anything until I clear some of the old stuff out, so I usually go to the oldest stuff and delete it.  

Well, I’m gathering that is annoying some people, getting rid of Dragon Laffs History, which I totally understand.  Sadly, the next chunk of storage I can buy is 50 GB worth, which should give me plenty for the foreseeable future, but for just being electrons, that stuff sure is expensive!  By just adding that 50 GB of storage, it would basically take the annual charge for the website, domain name, email, etc. and increase the price three fold.  That storage space is expensive!  But, that’s the smallest chunk I can get next.

Anyway, here is where we were when we left off on Monday with our Wall of Fame:

You can go to the upper right hand corner of the website, where you are reading this right now and look for this:

Click on that and it will take you to our Paypal site where you can easily donate or if you like you can write to me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com and I can give you my snail mail address or we can work something else out.

And now….

And I guess I should have put this first, but this just in… shots fired at … or NEAR … Trump again!  I’m sure you’ve heard all about it by the time you read this on Thursday, but come on!!!

And now, may I present…KARMA!

Watch this next one quick.  It goes by really fast..

Yeah, I know, it’s an old joke.

This is absolutely amazing!

Q: Did you hear about the divorced redneck? 

A: He wondered if his ex-wife was still his sister. 

Massachusetts Law

In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas.

It was 60,000 bees.
IT WAS 60,000 BEES!!!
And they didn’t believe the poor girl!
And it cost them 33¢ per bee to get rid of them!
Or if you prefer…3 for $1.
3/$1
But…
it was 60,000 B   E   E   S   !   !   !

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. 

“Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.” 

“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.” 

“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, “I gladdened seven hearts today.” 

“Seven hearts?” asks the friend. “How did you do that?” 

The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, “I performed three marriages.” 

The friend looks at him quizzically. “Seven?” he asks. “I could understand six, but…” 

“Well, what do you think,” says the rabbi, “that I do this for free?” 

An English man, a Scots man and an Irish man were trying to get in to see the Olympics without tickets. So they got to the stadium during one of the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without paying. 

The English man walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the ground and picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said, “Peter. England. Pole throwing.” The guards let him in without hesitation.

The other two see this and are amazed. The Scots man sees a manhole. He picks up the cover, carries it under his arm to the entrance and says, “McGregor. Scotland. Discus throwing. The guards let him in also.

The Irish man is very frantic, since both his friends are now inside. He walks around the stadium and finds a roll of barbed wire. He picks it up, walks to the entrance and says, “Murphy. Ireland. Fencing.”

A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married? 

Replied the gentleman, “Well, I guess I just never met the right woman … I guess I’ve been looking for the perfect girl.” 

“Oh, come on now,” said the friend, “Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry.” 

 “Yes, there was one girl .. once. I guess she was the one perfect girl. 

The only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything .. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me.”

 “Well, why didn’t you marry her,” asked the friend.

 “She was looking for the perfect man,” he said.

The more the MSM says “Threat To Democracy” over and over and over again because the left told them to, not because anyone has any proof whatsoever…

There was a Chinese father named Cheng who was very close to his son. They used to go everywhere together including looking for “birds” (Chinese slang for prostitute). 

One day, Chung the son decided to go overseas for study. The father was very supportive, and before his son left, the father told him, 

“Chung we cannot look for chicken together for the next few years. However, if you need to look for chicken, please go ahead and I will pay for it. But please state the expense as ‘Shooting Bird’ so that your mother will not suspect.”

So the son left, and after a month, the father received the bill from Chung, the son,……(shooting bird – $300).

Subsequently, and for the next few months, the bill for shooting bird is more than $700. Well, the father could not tolerate this, so he wrote to his son.

“Chung Son, you have been shooting too expensive bird, try some cheaper one”.

A month later, Cheng, the father, received another bill from his son. On it he had written:

Shooting Bird – $50
Rifle Repair – $2,000

I’ve run out of time, but I wanted to give you a final update on the donation front before I go…

Blast Specialties, please write to me and remind me who you are so I can fix that.  I’m so sorry.  And I’m on my way to the jail and I’m very late, so I have to end this right here, may God Bless you all for your generosity, your friendship, and being my other family.

It’s a sad day for many of us.  A dear friend has passed away.  I think it is expressed best by this wonderful picture that was sent to me.

James, you will be missed.  Our heartfelt prayers go out to his family.

I’m starting this issue on Thursday and will probably continue it through the weekend.  This may be one of the last nice weekends I have to ride and I want to get as much time in on the trike as I can.  Not that the cold weather really bothers me, but I want to get as comfortable as I can on it so I can easily pass my rider’s test so I can ride at night.  Too many of the things that I want to do have me coming home after it gets dark.  Last night I rode to the jail for jail ministry and got done about 8 pm.  Sunset was at 8:01 pm.  (Tonight, one day later, it’s at 7:59)  I wouldn’t have said it was “dark” when I got home 15 minutes later, but I was still within the law.  I just looked it up.  I’m allowed to ride from 30 minutes before sunrise to 30 minutes after sunset.  That means that I can’t take the trike to FBI tonight because we don’t get out to 9 pm, that is way past time.  That’s the ride I’d like to take and not that anyone would probably stop me, but it’s against the law.

Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to thank the people who have donated so far and who have been put on the …

Since I know I’m going to get the question, these truly wonderful people have donated to the the annual “Help Impish Pay the Bills” drive.  Once a year the bills come due to keep this ezine running and ad free and I said that as long as donations cover the cost I would continue to put my time and effort into it so once a year I ask for donations.  And that’s worked out quite well for the last 18+ years.  If everyone gives a buck or two, less than the cost of a cup of coffee, it’s taken care of.  You can donate by going to the website at dragonlaffs.com 

and in the right hand column, towards the top you’ll see this box.  Click on that and it will take you to the Paypal site where you can donate.  Or, if you want click right HERE and that will take you to the Paypal site for you to donate.  Or if you don’t want to do any of that, you can email me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com and talk to me about some other way.

Now, I said I wasn’t going to talk about that and I’m not going to talk about it, so let’s get on with the laughter, shall we?

You know, your friend was right.

And I hope all of us feel that way!  I will always, 100%, listen to someone’s story.  Every time.

And this next one touched me so deeply that I shared it with the other grief counselors in my group and I’m going to use it at my next grief session.  Thank you so much Chris for sharing this with me.  It is VERY special.

I really do love that pig.  He is the best of the bunch with a heart of gold.

Simple, Cheap Food Dye Makes Skin Transparent to Give Doctors a ‘Window’ into the Body

You should be able to click on the title of this extraordinarily interesting article to read it, but in case you can’t, you can also click HERE.

Let’s see if this makes it a little easier…

There’s some “interesting” stuff there.

This one is a classic and has to be repeated.  Thanks brother Joe!

Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

He yells out, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

The boy yells back, “Roll of chicken wire.”

The old man says, “What you gonna do with that?”

The boy says, “Catch some chickens.”

The old man yells, “You damn fool, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!”

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man’s surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.

The old man yells out, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

The boy yells back, “Roll of duck tape.”

The old man says, “What you gonna do with that?”

The boy says back, “Catch me some ducks.”

The old man yells back, “You damn fool, you can’t catch ducks with duck tape!”

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night, around sunset, the boy walks by coming home and to the old man’s amazement, he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

At the same time the next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

The old man says, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

The boy says, “It’s a pussy willow.”

The old man says “Hold on, I’ll get my hat.”

Yeah, I know, I’ll have to start coming up with a different theme

There’s a really good joke about ex-wives in that picture somewhere, but I’m not going to go looking for it.

Perfect!

Four people were bragging about how smart their cats are.

The first was an Engineer, the second an Accountant, the third was a chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

To show off, The Engineer called to his cat, “T-square, do your stuff.”

T-Square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was a pretty smart cat, but the Accountant said his cat could do better.  He called his cat and said, “Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”

Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.  He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.

Everyone agreed that was really good, but the Chemist said his cat could do better.  He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.”

Measure got up picked up a 500ml graduated cylinder, walked over to the fridge, took out a liter of milk, got a 300 ml glass from the cupboard, measured and poured exactly 275 ml of milk into the glass without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was good too.  Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, “What can your cat do?”

The Government worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.”

Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers comp, and went home on sick leave.

I can honestly say that I wasn’t very good at that.  Which may be why I’ve had so many trials over the years so that I could practice.  I’ve gotten much better lately and amazingly, the trials have begun to diminish.  Even though I counsel people that all things are used towards furthering God’s plan, sometimes it’s hard to listen to my own counsel.

The old Cherokee chief sat in his reservation hut smoking the ceremonial pipe and eyeing the two US government officials sent to interview him.

“Chief Two Eagles,” one official began, “you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress and all his problems.”

The chief nodded.

The official continued, “Considering recent events, in your opinion where has the white man gone wrong?”

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied:

“When white man found this land Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo. Plenty beaver. Women did most of the work. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time.”

The chief smiled and added quietly, “White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.”

They should probably work harder on placement.

And coffee is hot!  It’s amazing to me how much we’ve declined.

You may not be able to notice from the picture, but this guy is in an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs.

I’m not sure that’s the smartest thing someone has ever done.

If I have seen more than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants. 

-Sir Isaac Newton (1643 – 1728) 

Looking at his overweight patient, the doctor hands him a prescription and says, “Mr. Smith, you should make sure that you try to take these pills on an empty stomach… if such an opportunity ever presents itself.” 

I have so many questions.

Or put up a picture of a homeless Vet

While I was dining in the restaurant of a large hotel, I heard a loud crash. 

A waitress had dropped a whole tray of coffee cups, plates, and dishes.

Suddenly, I felt a stinging pain in my hand. There was a small cut from the scattered debris. 

I was immediately escorted to the hotel doctor. 

“What happened?” he asked. 

“Attacked by a flying saucer,” I replied. 

When a teenage girl smiles at a boy, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy. 

When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns around to see who’s the handsome dude behind him. 

But when a female of any age smiles at a man of 80, he looks down to see if he’s unzipped. 

A young man is jogging through a park when he sees an old man sitting on a bench sobbing.  

Concerned, he stops by the bench.  “Is there anything I can do for you, sir?” 

“Oh,” sobs the old man, “everything’s wonderful.  I just married a gorgeous twenty-year old who’ll do anything for me, and even my children love her.  We have a beautiful house, a pool…” 

“So what’s the matter?”  the puzzled young man asks.

“I can’t remember where I live!” 

A 100 year old man was having a big birthday party at his nursing home. A TV crew was there to interview the man on this special day.

“Please tell our audience how you managed to live so long,” as the reporter. 

“Well, I don’t ever drink and I’ve never smoked,” replied the old geezer. “And, I make it a point to stay away from wild women.” 

Just then, there was a loud shriek in the hall. The crew turned to see a nurse run by, followed by an agile looking, older man. 

The older man carried a foul smelling cigar in one hand and a glass of whisky in the other. 

As he ran by, he paused for a moment, looked at the crowd and let out a hardy, “He, he, he!” and then continued his pursuit.

“What was that all about?” asked the astonished reporter.

Replied the old geezer, “Please excuse my father – he gets carried away sometimes!” 

And that’s it my friends.  I want to say 

To everyone who has donated so far to the ezine.  We’ve made a great start to meeting the goal.  May our dear God bless you all with Love and Happiness, Comfort and Friendship all the days of your life.  Until we meet again.

Let me add a fast PS here:  I’m updating this late on Sunday.  I just went and updated the Wall of Fame.  From the time that I finished this until now, a bunch more people have donated and I just wanted to say thanks.  You guys are doing a fantastic job!

I was just contacted by Stephanie to say that she had to wish Pop Smith a Happy Birthday today.  Even though there isn’t much left of today, I told her I would help her out, so here it is, a Happy Birthday to Pop Smith.  (And I’m STILL not sure why I’m in the middle of this.) And the required cartoon to go with it!

Okay, my work is done here.  Now I need to get back to work, so I can be ready for church tomorrow.  Sheesh, the things we do for those we love.

Cheers, I.D.

Okay, so I was on the fence about bringing this up at all since I have been a bit remiss lately about being able to offer you guys my best effort in Dragon Laffs because of how busy I’ve been and what’s been going on in my life, but the deal was that I would continue doing this as long as the donations came in to cover the expenses.  

September is the month where the bills come due and I had forgotten all about it until I got an email from WordPress reminding me.  Honestly, I thought they were supposed to give me a 30 warning, not a two day warning, but it’ll be okay.

This may be my only plug for donations and either I get enough to cover the bill and we continue to struggle along for the foreseeable future or I don’t and we … I don’t know.   A buck or two from everyone would do it.  It costs more than that to get a cup of coffee.

You can go to the website at dragonlaffs.com and on the right hand column towards the top, just a little bit down you’ll see this:

If you click on that on the web page it will take you to the paypal site to donate.  Or if you want, you can just click HERE and it will take you to the same place.  Now, I’ve been using that for donations for … oh … I don’t know … fifteen years or so, but I understand that there are some people who just don’t like to use paypal or credit cards or numerous other things.  If you are one of them and would like to send something by snail mail or even … let me think of some of the other ways I’ve done this with people … um Venmo, although I don’t have a CLUE how to set that up, Zelle with someone once, I can’t think of anything else, but if you want to try something let me know or if you want my address, email me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs and I’ll respond because obviously I’m not going to post my address here so all the people I’ve ticked off can burn something on my front lawn or shoot at me as I leave for work in the morning.

Anyway, there’s my bid.  It’s time to donate if you guys want.  I’d appreciate it a lot.  I do work hard on this and your thanks and nice words are more important to me than your money by far!  But, your help paying the bills sure doesn’t hurt. 

Now let’s laugh.

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. “Darling, whatever is the matter?” he asks.

“Sweetheart,” she sobs, “the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone,” she sobbed again, “I found that the cat had eaten it!”

“Don’t worry, darling,” said her husband. “Don’t cry. We’ll get a new cat in the morning…”

This sign not seen in Indiana

Montana  Law

It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail

I was shopping the other day and wound up face to face with this drop dead gorgeous blonde. Talk about *built*.

I couldn’t help but just stare, leer and lust might be better words, at her, so much so that my mouth damn near dropped open and I was almost drooling. 
– 
The blonde caught me staring and rightly suspected I wasn’t just admiring her outfit. – She said, “Are you often troubled by indecent thoughts?” 

Smiling, I replied, “No, ma’am. Not troubled at all. Actually, to be completely honest, I rather enjoy them.”

Granny was visiting town for the first time. She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him.

“Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that don’t mean I’m stupid! I paid good money, and this room won’t do at all! It’s too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there’s not even a bed!”

The bellhop looks at her and says, “Ma’am, this isn’t your room, it’s the elevator.”

That they felt they had to put up a sign because it happened that often is amazing to me.

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..

Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

That would make a GREAT wedding band!

My daughter asked me one time, “Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive ?” 

Passing an office building late one night, a pale-haired woman saw a sign that said “Press bell for night watchman.” 

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. 

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. 

“Well,” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want?”

“I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself.” 

Again, no theme, no undertones, just in order as they are lined up in my files.  Just because I don’t want to try and figure it out.

Me too

And you could say the same thing about Trump’s Personality test

A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup. 

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city’s problems. 

Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, “Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn’t make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!” 

The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, “I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed…” 

“Look there you go again,” said the man, “How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?”

“Of course not!” gasped the nun, “The evil alcohol has never touched my lips.” 

“Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?” 

“Well, I really don’t know ….” 

“I’ll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I’ll buy you a drink. One drink. I’ll prove to you that “evil” is not inside the glass, it’s inside the person.” 

“Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it’s out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you’ve aroused a curiosity in me.” 

“Well let’s go inside and settle this” 

“No my son, I could never enter such a place… but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this “scotch” you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I’ll try it.” 

“You’re on!” said the guy. 

The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, “Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please” 

The bartender sighed and said, “Is that nun out there again?” 

This one is really quite interesting…

And that’s it for this issue my friends.  I hope you enjoyed it.  See you next time.

So the Whelpling and I went out riding last night and I was on my trike for the first time.  It was registered, insured and all set.  Before we set out we changed the oil and the filter, gave it the once over and we idled slowly down to the church parking lot where we expected to spend an hour or so tooling around for me to get used to it.

Having not been on a bike for about 40 years it took all of about 10 minutes and I was used to it.  Not to say that I didn’t make stupid mistakes – at one point I left the key on and killed the battery while he and I talked and he had to push start me to get me going again, but afterward it kept a charge just fine.

Anyway, got on the road and rode for a couple of hours, got on a MINOR highway and got it up to 70 mph, got on some curvy roads, bumpy roads, really went all over and I feel very confident that I now am skilled enough to get myself killed if I don’t stay very sharp and pay attention at all times.

I bought a GOOD helmet with bluetooth that hooks up to my phone that I will not hook up until I am much more comfortable.  I’m trying to be good.

Now, I have like NO time this weekend.  I’m behind on my homework for class, on my emails, and most especially on Dragon Laffs.  Today is Saturday, I did not go out riding today like I wanted to.  I’m going to work on this for just a little while and then I have to go to bed because I have to get up extra early tomorrow, so let’s see how much we can get done in just a short time.

I came in the other evening and this is what I found.  That’s Izzy and Pepper and you can just barely see Willow’s ear sticking out of her cage right above Izzy’s head.  They were all sound asleep.  I just had to take a picture.

Oh, by the way, Izzy turns 23 in just a few days! 

Yup

Pilots Live Through Miracle Landing After Their Aircraft Crashes Into Busy Road Without Hitting Cars

New Process ‘Vaporizes’ Plastic Bags and Bottles to Help Make Recycled Materials

True Story of Penguin’s Annual Return to See the Man Who Saved it From Oil Spill is Now a Feature Film (See Trailer)

The Scottish horror story of Sawney Bean and the cannibal clan who dragged victims back to their cave to eat

Got a wonderful email from our dear friend in South Africa!

Good afternoon Impish

CONGRATULATIONS!! Only 32000 k’s – barely run in. Looks very good.

May you have many, many happy and safe hours on your bike.

Me and Antionette (The BOSS) on our V-MAX en route to the Paradise Rally in Graskop, Mapumalanga.

Groete

Wouter

Thank you my friend, what a great picture that is!  I just had to share it!  You guys look great!

9-11 is in just a few days.  I’m not going to make a big deal out of it because it just ticks me off.  They killed so many of our people and we have been pandering to them for the past several years.  They need to be wiped off the face of the earth.  All terrorists do.  You want to fight a war, okay, let’s fight a war, but killing innocents – women and children – you are a coward.  You do not serve God.  You are the scum at the bottom of the pan.  

See…

I’m getting angry.

God will deal vengeance.  

But we…WE…need to treat all terrorists as the dog vomit that they are.  You want to hide behind innocent women and children? Set up in hospitals and schools? Make your own brothers and sisters stay in place in the hopes that they won’t attack you there?  I’ll bet you feel so brave.  I’ll bet your god is so proud of you.

My God, the true God, will deal with you.

I’m done.

15 WEIRD HISTORICAL FACTS

---

BY Mansib Ahmad

History is incredibly vast. It can be easy to miss or forget some events, dates and people. 

These facts are so weird, though, they might stick around your brain for a while.

1. During the 19th Century, a popular medicine for children known as ‘Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup’, which promised to “allay all pains” was heavily laced with morphine. 

For the other 14 facts, click here…or the title.

Before Playboy, there was Flossie

Check out the article by clicking on the title.

I’m almost out of time for this one and I’m about half asleep, so no themes, no agenda, just pictures in a row, however they come up…

Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. 

We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. 

I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. 

He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more.

“Sir,” I said politely, “Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?” 

“Okay,” the computer support guy said, “Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?” 

Two builders (Chas and Dave) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Chas: -I reckon he’s an accountant.
Dave: -No way, he’s a stockbroker.
Chas: -He ain’t no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn’t come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chas and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder…

Chas: -Scuse me…. no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: -No offence taken! I’m a Logical Scientist by profession!

Chas: -Oh! What’s that then?
Suit: -I’ll try to explain by example…Do you have a goldfish at home?

Chas: -Er…mmm… well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: -Well, it’s logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Chas: -It’s in a pond!
Suit: -Well then it’s reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Chas: -As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!

Suit: -Well then it’s logical to assume that in this town that if you have a large garden that you have a large house?
Chas: -As it happens I’ve got a five bedroom house… built it myself!

Suit: -Well given that you’ve built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven’t built it just for yourself and you are quite probably married?
Chas: -Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children!

Suit: -Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Chas: -Yep! Four nights a week!

Suit: -Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?
Chas: -Me? Never

Suit: -Well there you are! That’s logical science at work!
Chas: -How’s that then?

Suit: -Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I’ve told you about the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex life!
Chas: -I see! That’s pretty impressive… thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Chas returns to his mate.

Dave: -I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Chas: -Yep ! He’s a logical scientist!

Dave: -What’s that then?
Chas: -I’ll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Dave: -Nope
Chas: -Well then, you’re a wanker

Mississippi Laws

Adultery or Fornication (living together while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.

Slips of the Lips:

Pat Glenn – Weightlifting Commentator: “This is Gregori Ava from Bulgaria…. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing.”

Ted Walsh – Horse Racing Commentator: “This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother.”

Murray Walker: “The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.”

Greg Norman: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”

Alan Minter: “Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing but none of them serious.”

Terry Venables: “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again”

Ron Atkinson: “He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it – you can see it all over their faces.”

Harry Carpenter – BBC TV Boat Race 1977: “Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.

Metro Radio: “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics: “There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.”

US TV Commentator: “One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them… Oh my God, what have I just said?”

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across  an old mine shaft going straight down into the ground.

“Wow,” said the first guy. “I wonder how deep it is?”

“I dunno,” said the second. “Let’s find out.” With that, he  dropped a rock down the hole. They waited and waited, but  didn’t hear it hit bottom.

“Hmm. Let’s try a bigger rock,” said the first guy, and  tossed a watermelon-sized stone down the hole.

They waited  a couple of minutes, but didn’t hear it hit either. So,  they looked around for something bigger to throw down and  came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together  and dumped down the hole. Then suddenly, as they waited to  hear it hit, a goat streaked between the two of them and  jumped straight down the mineshaft.

While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement,  a third guy came up the path and asked them if they’d seen  a goat.

“Yeah, just now,” said one of the first two guys. “It just  ran up and jumped down this hole.”

“Oh, well then it couldn’t have been my goat,” said the  third guy. “My goat was tied to an old railroad tie.”

That’s it my friends.  Out of steam, out of time, ready for bed.  Love to you all.