Good morning my dear friends,

Finally got a chance to get back online and get a chance to check messages and emails and I have to say that the overwhelming good wishes and prayers brought me to tears.  FAR too many for me to answer individually or I’d be sitting here all day long doing just that, although I really want to because all of them were so heartfelt and touching.  Thank you all so very much for all that you’ve done for me.  It means so very much.  I am so truly blessed with friends like you.

I am going to try to throw together a short issue, being my first day back behind my keyboard.  I’m continuing to rest and recuperate.  Today is Saturday, by the way.  For my first real foray back out into the world in almost 3 weeks I’m going to TRY to go to church tomorrow.  I’m scheduled for security which I may stick with if for no other reason than because it will keep me away from the main congregation.  I’ll check with my medical staff and see what they have to say and wear a mask.  I’m going to try to go back to work on Monday, but if I get to feeling poorly I can always leave work.

Anyway, enough about that, why don’t we try to get to some of the good stuff, shall we?

Impish Dragon Syndrome?  Impish Syndrome?  ID Syndrome?  Bob Syndrome?  Hmmm…

Talk about your blessings.  There isn’t a Christian anywhere who can’t speak for quite some time on their blessings.  I know that I could go on for several hours.

This is such a cool picture.  Brings to mind Matthew 19:24 where Jesus says: “And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” So, does that mean that it’s impossible for rich people to go to Heaven?  That’s kind of a two edged sword.  It’s impossible for ALL people to go to Heaven…on their own.  Let’s jump ahead a little bit to Matt 19:26b and Jesus says: With men this is impossible; but with God all thing are possible.  This was in answer to a question by His disciples as to who then could go to Heaven.  The rich man had said that he had kept all the commandments and asked what else he needed to do and Jesus told him to sell all that he owned and give it to the poor and to follow Him.  The rich man went away sad because he couldn’t do that.  He was more attached to his riches than to his eternal soul.  As are many rich people.  Hence the original quote.  God gives us all that we need.  Maybe more on that later.

I used to work in technical support for a 24×7 call center.  One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.  I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”   …………. He also votes!
 
So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the admin. assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore.  She drove down in a convertible, but didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving.”    .. . . . . . She also votes!
 
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car.  It’s designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped.  She keeps it in the boot (trunk).    .. . . . . My sister also votes!  

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%.  Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.  The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
 
.. . . . He also votes!
 
My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which of two sandwiches was better.  The clerk didn’t have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive. My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, If that’s the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?” To this, the clerk responded, “I don’t think we add tax to the turkey.” …. .. . The clerk also votes!
 
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area.  So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. Now,” she asked me, “has your plane arrived yet?”.   ….  .. . She also votes

I’m using one of these right now…although mine is not called Vlad…and doesn’t have long hair.

And I dare anyone to tell me that this all came together “accidently” over time from some “Big Bang” that happened.  You cannot possibly look at that and NOT see a designer.  You’re not even a good liar to yourself if you do.

What the world is like in TV land:

1.  If a women is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
2.  Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.
3.  Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
4.  The suburbs are exciting.
5.  Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
6.  Good guys are always outnumbered.
7.  Good guys always win and get the girl.
8.  Good guys are always good looking.
9.  Ugly people are always bad guys.
10. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.
11. There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
12. Court cases are all solved with a surprise witness.
13. Good guys are the only ones who have a sense of humor.
14. Cars will explode in all accidents.
15. Everyone has a ‘dark’ secret.
16. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.
17. Haunted houses are never locked.
18. The police are smart.
19. Good guys will only get shot in the arm or leg.
20. All Chinese people know Karate.
21. Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music.
22. Rich people are unhappy.
23. Teenagers are smarter than their parents.
24. Indians make good cannon fodder.
25. Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders.
26. Computers never crash.
   a) Teenagers can access any computer by using their PC’s.
   b) Computers know everything.
   c) The same 2 keys are used to do everything
   d) The user is typing constantly just to display screens of info
27. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood
   from the corner of their mouth.
28. No one farts, except after eating beans.
29. Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 ot 40 bad guys.
30. Bad guys make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but never stick around to see if it works.
31. Christmas Eve and halloween night last for three or four days.
32. Movies based on true stories are made up.
33. Police never wait for back-up.
34. Undercover cops are too good to be spotted.
35. Private detective work is glamorous.
36. All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the ninth and two outs.
37. All police killings are in self-defense.
38. Everyone wins in Las Vegas.
39. Good guys don’t take drugs.
40. The world is teaming with voluptuous, young women who are desperate to have sex with penniless young guys.
41. Nobody ever has trouble finding good parking spots when they are in a hurry.
42. High School students look thirty years old.
43. Women never do housework, but their homes are always clean.
44. Street vendor’s carts are magnetically attracted to high-speed car chases.
45. Everyone knows how to pick a lock with one tool.
46. To kill a vampire, you must set out 5 min before sunset.
47. Nobody ever realizes until the end of a monster movie, that everyone that went into that dark cellar never came out.
48. The group always splits up to look for the alien.
49. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will explain the entire plot.
50. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will be stretched out for 20 minutes with commercials.
51. The crazed killer always steps out from behind the door without the victim seeing or hearing him until the he is about to drive a huge carving knife or pitchfork into them.
52. Whenever someone hears a noise in the dark they always have to check it out.
53. The crazed killer always walks and still catches the person he wants to kill.
54. All people chasing someone can catch up to a constant distance behind them quickly, but can’t use that speed to actually catch the person they’re chasing.
55. No-one *ever* locks a car when they get out of it (even in NY).

This next one was sent to me as a Get Well message.  It is about the grossest meme I’ve ever seen!  I LOVE IT!

Yeah, I know, right?

“Daddy, how much money do you make an hour ?”

“That’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing ?” the man said angrily.

“I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour ?” pleaded the little boy.

“If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour.”

“Oh,” the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said, “Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please ?”

The father was furious. “If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you’re being so selfish. I work long, hard hours everyday and don’t have time for such childish games.”

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy’s questioning.

How dare he ask such questions only to get some money.

After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son.

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $10.00, and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.

“Are you asleep son ?” he asked.

“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy.

“I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,” said the man.

“It’s been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here’s that $10.00 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, beaming. “Oh, thank you daddy!” he yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills.

The man, since the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.

“Why did you want more money if you already had some ?” the father grumbled.

“Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.

“Daddy, I have $20.00 now. Can I buy an hour of your time ?”

* Always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them

Okay, so if that didn’t bring a tear to your eye you might be broken.

On their way home after celebrating their 25th. anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful evening.

“Oh. it’s not over yet”, says he.

Once in the house, he gives her a little black velvet box. She opens it in anticipation, “But what are these two little pills?”

“Aspirin”, says he.

“But I don’t have a headache,” says she.

“There you are, I told you the evening wasn’t over yet,” says he.

I’m truly impressed!

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop waiting for fellow tourists.

An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

“America,” the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded, “She’s not from the States.”

“‘Yes, I am.” said the wife.

He looked at her and asked, “Is he your husband?”

“Yes,” she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered, “I’ll give you 100 camels for her.”

The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence.

Finally he replied, ” She’s not for sale.”

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how I’d get 100 camels back home.”

Missing Dog

If anyone caesar, lettuce know

This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.”

“Perfect,” she replies.

The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife?

She calls him on the phone and she says, “Traffic is terrible. I won’t be there for about an hour and a half.”

The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. “What should I do?” he asks.

The Doctor replied, “It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?”

“Yes” the man replied.

“Well, may be you can occupy yourself with her instead?” said the Doctor.

The man then replied with dismay, “But I don’t need Viagra with the housekeeper…”

I’m going to build a bunch of these for work.  I already have the parts that I need…

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.

Tearfully she explained, “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.”

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, “Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it …

This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up.

I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I’d locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.”

“Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.

Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.”

“When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up.

I opened the store and started waiting on these people, while all the time the darn phone was ringing.”

He continued, …

“Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor.  I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins and the phone was still ringing.

When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it.  Half of them hit the floor and broke.”

“Meanwhile, the phone was still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife.  She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.”

“And believe me Sir, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.”

For you weapons buffs out there…what’s the smallest handgun you’ve ever seen?  Well, I thought I’d seen them all…but this one blew me away!

To let you guys know what’s going on.

I went from Flu A to Pneumonia. I’ve been in and out of hospital and, well, to put it concisely, I have never been this sick in my entire life. I would still have to improve an incredible amount to just reach terrible.

The only positive thing I can say is that I am alive and I don’t understand how. Well, I take that back, I do understand how, I have had a lot of good people praying for me and God is so good.

So, I’m not sure when I’ll be back but I’ll try to keep you in the loop.

Love and God’s blessings to you all.

Well, I’m picking this one up right after I left the other one off.  I haven’t even left the house yet, but I wanted to get it started to force myself to get in the swing.  So, I’ll leave off right here, since it is started and talk to you soon.

You have to be a certain age to get that one…and maybe of the female persuasion … although I got it, so maybe not … or maybe that just proves that Impish Dragon is in touch with his feminine side.  I hear chick dragons like that.

This next one is an old joke but it is so charming that it just needs to be repeated.

This next one is from a Jewish word that I learned while reading a great book that my ministry partner lent to me entitled Isaiah 53 Explained This chapter will change your life. by Mitch Glaser.  See, the Jews, from what I understand, left that whole chapter (Isaiah 53) out of their readings in Synagogue and sometimes, right out of their Torah… their Bible.  Because it points directly to Jesus as being their Messiah.  And they don’t believe that Jesus is the Messiah.  There is a group of them now that do, called Messianic Jews.  Anyway, I’m not talking about the book, though for the readers out there, it is a GREAT book, I’m talking about this: 

Tikkun olam.  “Repair the world”.  Now isn’t that a cool concept.  Isn’t that a concept to teach our children and to practice ourselves?  

When I did a Google search there are Tikkun Olam groups and foundations and all kinds of things!  That is AWESOME!  I gotta wonder if there’s one near me.  Worth the search… more update on that perhaps later.

Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.

“I started a new practice last year,” the first said. “I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months.”

“Why in the world would you do that?” the other asked.

She responded, “It’s the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without.”

Makes sense to me!

Yeah, that worked for me for more than one writing project.

Fill those pages by following Romans 12:9-21.  I’ll leave it to those of you who give a care to look it up on your own.

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians.

Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers’ deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.

“I have only one condition,” he said. “At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint.”

The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.

The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. “He was an evil man,” he said. “He cheated on his wife and abused his family.” After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with,

“But, compared to his brother, he was a saint.”

My two-year-old granddaughter, Paige, was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist.  Paige kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed.

With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder.

“Mommy,” she yelled, “wake up!  This is not church!”

My wife, Lani, woke from her doze to the sound of other patients laughing.

Wasn’t that just precious?!

Okay, so it’s Sunday afternoon and I’m SICK AS A DOG!

Where did that term come from, anyway?

Dogs were often blamed for spreading diseases like the plague because they were in close contact with people.
And…
Dogs were often associated with things that were undesirable.
And…
It goes back to the early 1700s.

Anyway, Sunday…sick…dog…first of all … I bought the car!  I can’t enjoy it today, but I bought it!  And here it is:

Brand new 2014, Ford Escape…well, relatively brand new.  36,024 original miles.  I won’t go into the details other than to say that I’m about 

that much worried about money right now until I can get a couple of paydays under my belt.  It SHOULD be fine, as long as nothing untoward pops up…so…yeah…

And now we’re around to Monday and I’m REALLY sick.  I went to the Immediate Care, which was a nightmare, I’ll explain that in a moment, and it turns out that I have Flu A.  Whatever that means.  I guess it’s higher up than Flu B or Flu C.

So, late yesterday, Sunday, I went on line and made an appointment at my local Immediate Care for this morning.  When I showed up there for my appointment, the doors were all locked up and about five minutes before my appointment time I get a text that says that due to circumstances, the clinic is closed.  So, I quickly make an appointment with the next closest one which is 25 miles away.  

I love living in a small town in the midwest, but there are times where living in a small town in the midwest is problematic.  So I get seen and get tested, negative for COVID, positive for Flu A.  So the doc prescribes me special medicine and sends it to the pharmacy.  I get to the pharmacy and they tell me that neither they nor any other pharmacy in the area have the medicine because there are so many cases of this going around.  

What a comedy of errors today.

So here it is, Monday night and I did finally get my medicine, I feel like crap.  I’m dizzy, mostly out of it, and I FEEL LIKE CRAP!!!!!!

So, let’s get some more laughter in here, but first…I want to share this with you.

I got a wonderful message from Puckmeister that goes like this:

There are times while perusing through your posts that I feel like we are Brothers from other Mothers!  You seem to be able to take the words straight out of my brain.  I also am reminded that my issues, (75 yr Young Marine) are simply that!  Just the rewards of living this long.

Stay Safe…..Be Blessed

Semper Fi

Puck,

I agree, brother.  Living long gives one a completely different perspective on things.  So many things that seemed to be so important so many years ago, really aren’t that important now.  And then it seems to be easier to point out … to pick out those things that ARE important.  It is great when you find someone who feels the same way about things that you feel.  Thank you for sharing that with me.  You really and truly made my day.

I really wanted to send this out tomorrow, but I can’t concentrate, so we’ll look again at later.

Now it’s Tuesday.  I feel a little better.  I was really out of it the past couple of days.  Scary.

What’s even scarier, there is a huge influx of Flu A in Indiana, and they are making noises that go along with bird flu.  And here I thought I was special and it was just me.  This was supposed to be published on Friday, then on Saturday, then on Sunday, then on Monday, and here it is Tuesday!

I AM TIRED OF BEING SICK!!!!!!

This tree is bearing up under the weight of life.

May all the ladies out there read this over and over again and take it to heart!  PLEASE!

Okay, so I’m done.  I can’t do any more.  Be blessed my friends.  I don’t know when there will be another one.  I’m sorry my friends.  But, I’m REALLY SICK.  May Our Dear and Glorious Heavenly Father Bless you and yours with HEALTH and happiness and keep you safe, warm, and comfortable until we meet again.  

I apologize if this issue comes out as crazy as I think it probably is.  

AND we just now got issued a Winter Weather Alert for 2 to 4 inches of snow with the possibility of 2/10 of an inch of ice.  Now they weren’t real specific about where the ice was going to fall … the beginning, middle, or end.  Should be lots of fun.

So…. be well my dear friends.  And thanks for understanding.

Another wonderful header by Aussie Pete.  He has been supplying them for the last couple of months and I should thank him every issue, but then it becomes redundant and nobody pays attention.  This way I make a big deal out of it and you all take notice.

Thanks Pete!

It’s been another week my friends.  I have to leave in just a few minutes to pick Izzy up from work and then I have to go to church for FBI and since it’s a long weekend for me, maybe I can spend a little bit of time and punch out an issue for you guys out of step since I missed today’s … today is Thursday for me.  I don’t know what today is for you yet because I’m not quite sure when this is going to post.

I think I told you about the 2002 Ford F-150 that I was going to buy … if I didn’t … I was going to buy a 2002 Ford F-150 from a buddy of mine that actually belonged to his son.  Now that Izzy actually has her driver’s license (group applause for my 23 year-old, high functioning autistic child getting her license on her first try!) she needs a vehicle even if she doesn’t want to drive anywhere. 

Don’t get me wrong, she’s a great driver, she just hates to drive. 

It scares her to death. 

She imagines everything that can go wrong and then worries about it.  She’ll get over that.  She has yet to solo.  She’s going to tomorrow though, when we pick up the other car we are going to buy instead.

The buddy with the truck … the truck only had 150K miles on it, was in great shape, a little spot of rust on the left rear quarter panel and was really well taken care of.  I was going to drive the truck and Izzy was going to drive our 2013 beat up Equinox. 

Okay?  Caught up?  Now, I had heard, a couple of months ago that a guy at church had a good friend who was selling a car that was “like brand new”.  I said sure I was interested, here’s my number.  He told me I was about 4th in line, so I promptly forgot about it.

Well, when Izzy had told me that she didn’t like the truck, I told her that didn’t matter since she wouldn’t be driving the truck and she made a good point that at some point in time she might HAVE to and I said, well it doesn’t matter, God will make it obvious what vehicle it is we are supposed to buy.

(I have to hurry with this story, I’m running out of time) (Although I could always leave it and come back)  Anyway, so fast forward to this past weekend when I have made arrangements to get the truck on Monday and Saturday the guy from church calls me and says that our Pastor said I was looking for a car and his buddy has this car for sale, it’s like brand new … and he starts explaining to me all the things he told me a couple of weeks ago.  I asked him if I could come take a look at it.  He said sure and tells me where to meet him and his buddy.

So the story is that it was his buddy’s wife’s car.  If they ever went anywhere together, they took his car.  They owned from brand new and she always parked it in the garage.  It is a 2016 Ford Explorer with only 36k original miles on it.  I’m telling you, I was looking at a brand new 2016 Ford Explorer.  Immaculate.  Like it had just been driven off the showroom floor.  Drove like a dream.  He didn’t want to sell it after his wife had passed away until my church buddy told him, you got to, you don’t need two cars.  I looked it up on Kelly Blue Book and gave it all the cheapest choices … you know when you choose all the different options cause I didn’t really know all the bells and whistles that it had, but to me it seemed like it was loaded.  It came back valued at $16,000. 

Tomorrow…Friday for you guys, I’m giving that man a check for $10,000.  Now, I had to take most of that money out of my retirement fund and completely empty my savings and it’s going to hurt me financially for a little while, but I couldn’t pass it up. And God has ALWAYS taken care of us in the past.  I haven’t hurt myself, don’t worry about that.  I brought it to the line, but not over the line.  It’s not like I maxed out my credit card or anything.  But, this will be the last car I’ll ever have to buy.  Izzy gets the Equinox and I get the Explorer and now I have to run and get Izzy.  More later.

So, now it’s later.  I just dropped Izzy off at work.  It’s Friday morning.  I have about an hour before I need to get going.  I’m off today because I worked over the weekend.  I’ve got a lot to do today.  Go to the bank and get the money for the car, either a cashier’s check or a registered check (I’ll let them figure that out).  I have to go to the place and pick up my yearly issue of my diabetic shoes.  CRAP!  I forgot that’s gonna cost me another $250!  LOL!  That will take my bank account down to about zero for a week until payday.  Thank goodness my credit card is at zero.  I pay for everything on my credit card because I get 1.5% cash back on it.  I usually make $40 to $50 a month.  I got a new one in the mail the other day that I’m playing with.  It makes 2% cash back.  Maybe I’ll use that one.  I pay it off each month.  They hate me because I’ve never paid a penny in interest to them and they’ve probably paid me close to a thousand dollars since I’ve owned it.

Anyway, let’s get to some fun stuff since I’ve talked WAY more than usual.  What do you say?

Actually 51 years ago now!  This next one is a throwback to a long lost age.  Over 70 years ago! A report card for kindergarten to when the important stuff really mattered.

I didn’t realize that old Frank was that old.  That was a couple of months before I was born.

Here’s an article from the American Legion.  Short and sweet.  I won’t reprint the whole article so I won’t get in trouble, but I’ll give you a link to finish reading, it’s well worth the quick read.

Suspected Venezuelan gang members first to arrive at Guantanamo

Some great quotes sent in by Chris D.

Now that the football season is over, Enjoy these “tidbits” from coaches & players:

 

• “Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football”– 
  • John Heisman   
• “I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.” – 
  • Bear Bryant / Alabama 
• “It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!” – 
  • Knute Rockne / Notre Dame   
• “At Georgia Southern, we don’t cheat. That costs money, and we don’t have any.” – 
  • Erik Russell / Georgia Southern 
• “The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.” –  
  • Lou Holtz / Arkansas – Notre Dame 
• “When you win, nothing hurts.”  –  
  • Joe Namath / Alabama 
• “A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.” –  
  • Frank Leahy / Notre Dame 
• “There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.” –  
  • Woody Hayes / Ohio State 
• “I don’t expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.”  –  
  • Bob Devaney / Nebraska   
• “In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.”  –  
  • Wally Butts / Georgia 
• “I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms – Truman’s and Eisenhower’s.”  –  
  • Alex Karras / Iowa 
• “My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball,and arrive in a bad humor.” –  
  • Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee 
• “I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades.”  – 
  • Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State 
• “Always remember Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.”  – 
  • Shug Jordan / Auburn    
• “I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn’t recruit me.”  He said,,”Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren’t any good.” –  
  • Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State 
• “Son, you’ve got a good engine, but your hands aren’t on the steering wheel.”  –  
  • Bobby Bowden / Florida State 
• “Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport. Dancing IS a contact sport.”  – 
  • Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State 
• After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post-game message to his team was,“All those who need showers, take them.” –  
  • John McKay / USC 
• “If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.”  –  
  • Murray Warmath / Minnesota 
• “The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb.” –  
  • Knute Rockne / Notre Dame 
• “We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.”  –  
  • Darrell Royal / Texas    
• “We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.”  –  
  • John McKay / USC 
• “I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.”  –  
  • Knute Rockne / Notre Dame 
• “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”  –       
  • Ohio State’s Urban Meyer on one of his players:
• Why do Auburn fans wear orange? 
  • So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday. 
• What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs? 
  • Drool. 
• How many Michigan State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb? 
  • None. That’s a sophomore course. 
• How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk?
  • The cow fell on him. 
• Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods. 
  • One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.” 
  • The other looked up in the sky and said,”Where?” 
• What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit? 
  • “Will the defendant please rise.”
• If three Rutgers football players are in the same car, who is driving? 
  • The police officer. 
• How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend? 
  • There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck. 
• What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? 
  • A full set of teeth. 
• University of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; 
  • the other half will have to dress themselves. 
• How is the Kansas football team like an opossum? 
  • They play dead at home and get killed on the road. 
• Why did the Tennessee linebacker steal a police car? 
  • He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche. 
• How do you get a former University of Miami football player off your porch? 
  • Pay him for the pizza. 

 

I was told that the church should be a hospital where the warriors go to get patched back up to get back into the fight, not a hospice where people go to wait to die and never go anywhere else for anyone else.  I suppose both statements could be true.

Okay, this next video is OUTSTANDING!  Makes sure you watch ALL THE WAY TO THE END!  Thanks to Sasquatch for the original send and making me find it on YouTube so you all could see it too.

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list.

“Lady,” one of them explained, “we’re on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar”.

“Wow,” the woman replied. “Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?”

“Our baby-sitter’s boyfriend.”

North Dakota, Fargo Law

You may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place.

And this is the end of a very short issue…I’m going to send this out immediately since it’s been so long since I’ve put one out due to a very busy week.  I’ll try to put together another with maybe some pictures of the new car in a day or so.

May you all be blessed with love and happiness until we meet again.

I’m trying here my friends, I truly am.  It’s late on Sunday and I’m trying to put together an issue for you for Monday.  It may not be much of one, but it will be one.

I just had to escort an unwanted “guest” out of Izzy’s room a little while after we both got home from work today.  We both had to work the UTA and it was a LONG HARD one and we come home to this crap!  Here’s her intruder after I escorted him out side…

Yup, that’s a little bitty bat.  He was about 4 inches tall I would guess.  Come on!  Our house is 125 years old.  There’s gonna be the occasional bat that gets in the attic and works its way down into one of the rooms.  Just because it was hanging on the wall hanging in her room and made her scream just made it all the more funny from my perspective.

Boy, ain’t that last one the truth!  Thanks Stephen!

I Just Spent The Past 15 Minutes With My Jaw On The Floor After Seeing All These Fascinating Pictures And Now I Need You To See Them

I am, 100%, without a doubt, going to use that!

22 Enigmas And Oddities People Stumbled Upon While Exploring Google Earth

What can I say?  We’re happy people here in Indiana.

My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice.

He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache.

He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.


The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:
“Put two drops in R ear every four hours.”

YEAH BABY!!!!

Two drunks are in a tavern sitting at the bar, staring into their drinks.

One gets a curious look on his face and asks, “Hey, Pete, you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?”

“Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years!

No kidding!!!!! I want one, too!!!!!

That is a GREAT caricature!  

Because I often have to catch a pre-dawn bus to get to my job, I was concerned that I wasn’t always visible to bus drivers in the darkness. 

So, I attached a reflector to my lunch box and put on a jogger’s vest that was bright orange and had small flashing lights.

The first morning I wore my new gear, the bus zoomed past but then stopped.

I ran to catch up with it and, as I boarded, asked the driver, “Didn’t you see me?”

“I saw you,” he replied, “but I thought you were a road sign.”

I’m not sure if I used that one or not yet.

But then rogtif88 put in: “That’ll buff out”  which I really like and Alan F sent in “You gotta flat?”

And since we’re talking about comments that were sent in, Cornelius sent in a quick joke that goes like this:

my wife runned off with my best friend
–You bitter?
–Yep.  Bit him too.

And with that, we’ll move on to one more set then I gotta go!