Good Thursday Morning Campers! Boy, it’s been an interesting week. I’ve had amazing things going on and our dear Leprechaun has had excellent posts going out. This week, I think, is going to be one for the record books….and it ain’t over yet!
I wonder what our superheroes in Washington are going to be up to? Look below for my Mini-Rant on some of the headlines I read this morning.
How about we just jump into the laughter this morning…
Okay, how about a couple more puns from Diaman?
This one should probably be in the groaner department, but since it’s also from Diaman, we’ll keep it here:
Rumor has it that Congressman Anthony Weiner is going to run for president.
He has chosen Attorney General Eric Holder as his running mate.
Get your Weiner-Holder bumper stickers early, before they are all gone.
I’m going to try my very best not to violate copyright laws here, but there is an article on line that you must read. I’m going to give you the beginning and then the link….
What happened inside the hospital during the Joplin, MO tornado
Dr. Kevin Kikta was one of two emergency physicians on duty at St. John’s Regional Medical Center in Joplin, MO on Sunday, May 22 when an EF-5 tornado struck the hospital.
by Kevin J. Kikta, DO
You never know that it will be the most important day of your life until the day is over. The day started like any other day for me: waking up, eating, going to the gym, showering, and going to my 4 pm ED shift. As I drove to the hospital, I mentally prepared for my shift as I always do, but nothing could ever have prepared me for what was going to happen on this shift.
Things were normal for the first hour and half. At approximately 5:30 pm, we received a warning that a tornado had been spotted. Although I work in Joplin and went to medical school in Oklahoma, I live in New Jersey, and I have never seen or been in a tornado. I learned that a “code gray” was being called. We were to start bringing patients to safer spots within the ED and hospital.
ok…now it’s time to follow the link: http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/05/happened-hospital-joplin-mo-tornado.html
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, “This is a tree..”
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, “Tree.”
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, “This is a rock.”
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, “Rock.”
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, “Man riding a bike.”
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and to be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, “My bike.”
I’m just gonna let you go here and find out for yourself… my Dad sent it to me with the subject line: You should love this one! Thanks Dad…. I sure did!
The only pair of matching singing bird pistols
I’m not sure exactly how much truth there is to this, but the parts I could verify are correct, plus I couldn’t stop laughing when I read it, so I have to send it on….
Still laughing here Sue, thanks!
I had heard this one before, but it’s still a golden oldie…
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.”
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I’d locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.
“Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.”
“When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”
He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.”
“Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.
And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!!!”
Jeannie sent us this submission and I started looking around and following some of this kid’s other videos. . . wow! The only reason I stopped is because I had to finish this issue. What an entertainer! This is the very best of youtube.
It’s Thursday Morning….I’m trying to finish up Dragon Laffs and as usual, there is an over-abundance of material and only so much time and space. I could easily fill two or three of these a day and send them out, but I don’t have the time needed to do so….anyway, as I was saying, I was sitting here working on this issue and I opened an email from my favorite schizophrenic camper, Jeannie, about a congress that is so WEAK and EMASCULATED that it must go hat in hand to the courts in order to exercise its’ power as outlined in the Constitution to declare war! (She also noted that if this were Bush, he would’ve been impeached by now)
as I read that story, I remembered seeing another about Obama going to congress to defend his disobeying of the law because of the definition of “hostilities” (hmm, seems reminiscent of another president deciding that a blow job wasn’t sexual relations) and as I was looking for the “definition of hostilities” article
I come across a headline that raises my head up…
School Surveys 7th-Graders on Oral Sex
7th Graders? 13 year old girls and boys? Really?
and what’s the excuse?
“I can take no responsibility for what’s on that survey,” Thomas said. “It’s not generated by the school system.”
I’m here to throw the bullshit flag on this one (as well as the stupid Libya articles for both congress and Obama), as it all comes down to the same thing!
People, do your friggin’ jobs!
Come on Fran! You can’t take “responsibility for what’s on the survey”? You’re the damn Principal! Everything that goes on in that school is your responsibility! You’re going to sell out your kids because you don’t have the guts to stand up and say, “NO! This is not right! This is NOT going to be administered in my school!”
I don’t give a damn if it is associated with desperately needed grant money! Are you selling your integrity for grant money?
Just because it comes from some bureaucracy, doesn’t mean you can’t hitch up your panties, stand up and say, “NO!” If you can’t do it, the damn school system and the parents need to hire somebody who can. We give our kids over to you teachers and principals expecting you to teach and protect! Parents, it’s time to go into your school’s office and flip over some friggin’ desks!
(Figuratively folks, not literally)
A Muslim kid can’t find his mother in the supermarket.
The store attendant says ‘What does your mother look like?’
The kid says “How the hell should I know?”
In the small town of Guadalupe , AZ , south of Phoenix , Manuel Renaldo is one of those who is punishing Arizona by leaving. As he loaded his stolen car with his stolen belongings and family of ten, Renaldo told this reporter through an interpreter “It’s a matter of principle; I refuse to be supported by a state that treats me like a criminal!”
The effects of the exodus are being felt by Arizona retailers, who are reporting dwindling sales of beer, spray paint, and ammunition. Also hit hard are the state’s hospitals, which have reported a dramatic decline in births and emergency room visits. Tattoo parlors are in a state of panic.
Renaldo told a reporter through an interpreter “He and his family are moving to California , which is a state that will support him and his family with dignity!” …and understands his ‘rights’ as an illegal immigrant!
Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it!
Yes….it’s satire…and yes…I know I’m going to get
shit complaints over it.
Something isn’t right here. There are creatures among us — a puppy named Snoopy, a boy named Charlie Brown, a wild dagger-haired tempest called Calvin — who don’t ever, ever, ever grow up. They’re not allowed.
They come from a corner of the universe where puppies, boys and tigers live and dream until the day whoever created them says, “enough.” After that, they don’t die (at least, not in the usual way,) they get recycled and go on forever.
There is, in Cartoon Land, a biological law that says for these creatures, there is only one season: forever puppy, forever boy. Calvin can’t grow up because for him time doesn’t tick in the usual way. His days follow days as ours do, but his years don’t multiply. We know that, he doesn’t.
Which brings me to Dan and Tom Heyerman. These guys (they are brothers) write and draw comics on their blog, Pants Are Overrated. In total violation of Everything That’s Sacred, (and to the delight of many Calvin and Hobbes fans), a couple of weeks ago they, very briefly, brought Calvin back…as an adult! Their Calvin is 26 years older than his former, original self. Not only that, he has a kid, a daughter named “Bacon” (named for the Enlightenment philosopher, Francis Bacon.)
This is a dangerous, dangerous thing to try. But Tom (who draws) and Dan (who writes), come remarkably close to capturing some of the original magic…
Oh, there are a few bits I could argue with. Calvin and Hobbes’ creator Bill Watterson would probably not have stuck in that Donald Trump reference. The drawings, though…my, they’re good. I wondered if the woman who shares Calvin’s bed might be Calvin’s neighbor Susie Derkin, which makes absolutely no sense because Calvin and Susie hated (and wildly flirted with) each other, but when I looked at this second strip…It IS Susie!
The problem is not that these cartoons are badly done. On the contrary, if you look at a spate of Calvin-As-A-Grown Up drawings collected by Gerry Canavan and posted here, the Heyermans version is probably the best.
The problem is me. I just watched my youngest daughter graduate college (this past weekend) and when you sit on your folding chair watching your daughter turn into a full-fledged, strong, out-in-the-world adult, creatures who don’t change, who don’t remind you the world is always changing — become extra magical. They live outside the tick, tick, tick that is sending all of us into our futures.
I know the Heyermans weren’t thinking about this when they drew their homage to Bill Watterson, but when they added 26 years to Calvin, they added 26 years to me. And while I liked what they did, I kinda wish they hadn’t done it. They recently said that even though they got 55,000 views on their site, they’re moving on to other projects.
Tom Heyerman wrote there won’t be any more “Hobbes and Bacon” strips…at least not for a while, that updating Calvin and Hobbes “is just not what we do.” I’m glad.
I think they realized they had perturbed the universe.