Dragon Laffs #1211


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01_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[2]Warning_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_thuWarning_thumb2_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[1]Good Thursday Morning Campers!  Boy, it’s been an interesting week.  I’ve had amazing things going on and our dear Leprechaun has had excellent posts going out.  This week, I think, is going to be one for the record books….and it ain’t over yet!

I wonder what our superheroes in Washington are going to be up to?  Look below for my Mini-Rant on some of the headlines I read this morning.

How about we just jump into the laughter this morning…

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Now that’s a hell of a shot!

New Elements On The Periodic Table

Element: WOMAN 
Symbol: Wo 
Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less) 
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. 
Chemical properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amount of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed beside a better specimen. Ages rapidly. 
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for disintegration of wealth. Probably the single most powerful income reducing agent known. 
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. 

Element: MAN 
Symbol: XY
 
Common Name(s): Varies anywhere from John to !$#$&*!
 
Atomic Weight: 180 +/-100
 
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature, but easily gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young, fresh samples.
 
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for a prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. 
Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command. 
Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.



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DragonPapa1 (127)

Okay, how about a couple more puns from Diaman?

When I bought some fruit trees the nursery owner gave me some insects to help with pollination. They were free bees. 

 

This one should probably be in the groaner department, but since it’s also from Diaman, we’ll keep it here:

Another Presidential Ticket

Rumor has it that Congressman Anthony Weiner is going to run for president.
He has chosen Attorney General Eric Holder as his running mate.
Get your Weiner-Holder bumper stickers early, before they are all gone.

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I’m going to try my very best not to violate copyright laws here, but there is an article on line that you must read.  I’m going to give you the beginning and then the link….

What happened inside the hospital during the Joplin, MO tornado

Dr. Kevin Kikta was one of two emergency physicians on duty at St. John’s Regional Medical Center in Joplin, MO on Sunday, May 22 when an EF-5 tornado struck the hospital.

by Kevin J. Kikta, DO

You never know that it will be the most important day of your life until the day is over.  The day started like any other day for me: waking up, eating, going to the gym, showering, and going to my 4 pm ED shift. As I drove to the hospital, I mentally prepared for my shift as I always do, but nothing could ever have prepared me for what was going to happen on this shift.

Things were normal for the first hour and half. At approximately 5:30 pm, we received a warning that a tornado had been spotted. Although I work in Joplin and went to medical school in Oklahoma, I live in New Jersey, and I have never seen or been in a tornado. I learned that a “code gray” was being called. We were to start bringing patients to safer spots within the ED and hospital.

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ok…now it’s time to follow the link: http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/05/happened-hospital-joplin-mo-tornado.html

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Ok, as stupidly this guy acts to prove his point…he does.
Have you ever tried to ride a bike in NYC?
Get Life Insurance first…
Bike Lanes

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no kiddingWe are kinda sneaky that way…

 

 

 

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, “This is a tree..”

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, “Tree.”

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, “This is a rock.”

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, “Rock.”

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, “Man riding a bike.”

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and to be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, “My bike.”

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My plans for the weekend….

write-to-us422222

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I’m just gonna let you go here and find out for yourself… my Dad sent it to me with the subject line: You should love this one!  Thanks Dad…. I sure did!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK3Eo9cScEQ&feature=share

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if
…or I wasn’t aiming at you!

Motivational Acceptance

The only pair of matching singing bird pistols
http://www.christies.com/features/singing-bird-pistols-en-1422-3.aspx

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I’m not sure exactly how much truth there is to this, but the parts I could verify are correct, plus I couldn’t stop laughing when I read it, so I have to send it on….

All you Need to Know about Government Bureaucracy:
** Pythagorean theorem:…………………………………………..24 words.
** Lord’s prayer:………………………………………………..66 words.
** Archimedes’ Principle:…………………………………………67 words.
** 10 Commandments:……………………………………………..179 words.
** Gettysburg address:…………………………………………..286 words.
** Declaration of Independence:…………………………………1,300 words.
** US Constitution with all 27 Amendments:……………………….7,818 words.
** US Government regulations on sale of cabbage:……………….. 26,911 words.
‘SORT OF PUTS THINGS INTO PROPER PERSPECTIVE, DOESN’T IT?

Cabbage?  Really?
Still laughing here Sue, thanks!

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I had heard this one before, but it’s still a golden oldie…

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.”

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I’d locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

“Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.”

“When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”

He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.”

“Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!!!”

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I’ve had days like that, it’s not fun!  The poor guy!


Jeannie sent us this submission and I started looking around and following some of this kid’s other videos.  .  .  wow!  The only reason I stopped is because I had to finish this issue.  What an entertainer!  This is the very best of youtube.

Very, very good. A very talented kid. You’ll like this…
Killer Queen Cover (FreddeGredde)

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Mini Dragon Rant
It’s Thursday Morning….I’m trying to finish up Dragon Laffs and as usual, there is an over-abundance of material and only so much time and space.  I could easily fill two or three of these a day and send them out, but I don’t have the time needed to do so….anyway, as I was saying, I was sitting here working on this issue and I opened an email from my favorite schizophrenic camper, Jeannie,  about a congress that is so WEAK and EMASCULATED that it must go hat in hand to the courts in order to exercise its’ power as outlined in the Constitution to declare war! (She also noted that if this were Bush, he would’ve been impeached by now)
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0611/57032.html
as I read that story, I remembered seeing another about Obama going to congress to defend his disobeying of the law because of the definition of “hostilities” (hmm, seems reminiscent of another president deciding that a blow job wasn’t sexual relations) and as I was looking for the “definition of hostilities” article
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/06/15/white-house-defends-legality-libya-mission/
I come across a headline that raises my head up…

School Surveys 7th-Graders on Oral Sex

A middle school in Massachusetts is under fire for requiring children to complete a graphic sex survey — without parental knowledge or consent — that included questions about sexual partners and oral sex.

Read more: 
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/06/15/school-surveys-7th-graders-on-oral-sex/#ixzz1PR1rEAlO

7th Graders?  13 year old girls and boys? Really?
and what’s the excuse?
Principal Fran Thomas told Fox News Radio that students were indeed given the survey – and admits it was graphic. But Thomas said the school has nothing to do with the content and they were required to administer the survey to fulfill a grant requirement.

“I can take no responsibility for what’s on that survey,” Thomas said. “It’s not generated by the school system.”

I’m here to throw the bullshit flag on this one (as well as the stupid Libya articles for both congress and Obama), as it all comes down to the same thing!

People, do your friggin’ jobs!

Come on Fran!  You can’t take “responsibility for what’s on the survey”?  You’re the damn Principal!  Everything that goes on in that school is your responsibility!  You’re going to sell out your kids because you don’t have the guts to stand up and say, “NO!  This is not right! This is NOT going to be administered in my school!” 
I don’t give a damn if it is associated with desperately needed grant money!  Are you selling your integrity for grant money?

Just because it comes from some bureaucracy,  doesn’t mean you can’t hitch up your panties, stand up and say, “NO!”  If you can’t do it, the damn school system and the parents need to hire somebody who can.  We give our kids over to you teachers and principals expecting you to teach and protect!  Parents, it’s time to go into your school’s office and flip over some friggin’ desks!
(Figuratively folks, not literally)

Yeah….. it pissed me off this morning.  WTF is happening to us?  Where the hell are our balls to stand up and say, “NO!”
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Thanks to Jonathon for this interesting picture!  Definitely a WTF?

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This really looks like the dog is laughing at something the kid just said…

A Muslim kid can’t find his mother in the supermarket.

The store attendant says ‘What does your mother look like?’

The kid says “How the hell should I know?”

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4Illegal immigrants are boycotting Arizona by the thousands, showing their outrage with Arizona ‘s controversial new SB-1070 law by moving elsewhere.

In the small town of Guadalupe , AZ , south of Phoenix , Manuel Renaldo is one of those who is punishing Arizona by leaving. As he loaded his stolen car with his stolen belongings and family of ten, Renaldo told this reporter through an interpreter “It’s a matter of principle; I refuse to be supported by a state that treats me like a criminal!”
The effects of the exodus are being felt by Arizona retailers, who are reporting dwindling sales of beer, spray paint, and ammunition. Also hit hard are the state’s hospitals, which have reported a dramatic decline in births and emergency room visits. Tattoo parlors are in a state of panic.

Renaldo told a reporter through an interpreter “He and his family are moving to California , which is a state that will support him and his family with dignity!” …and understands his ‘rights’ as an illegal immigrant!

Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it!

Yes….it’s satire…and yes…I know I’m going to get shit complaints over it.

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Something isn’t right here. There are creatures among us — a puppy named Snoopy, a boy named Charlie Brown, a wild dagger-haired tempest called Calvin — who don’t ever, ever, ever grow up. They’re not allowed.

They come from a corner of the universe where puppies, boys and tigers live and dream until the day whoever created them says, “enough.” After that, they don’t die (at least, not in the usual way,) they get recycled and go on forever.

An artist's rendering of the original Calvin and Hobbes characters, which were created by Bill Watterson.

Courtesy of Pants Are Overrated

An artist’s rendering of the original Calvin and Hobbes characters, which were created by Bill Watterson.

There is, in Cartoon Land, a biological law that says for these creatures, there is only one season: forever puppy, forever boy. Calvin can’t grow up because for him time doesn’t tick in the usual way. His days follow days as ours do, but his years don’t multiply. We know that, he doesn’t.

Which brings me to Dan and Tom Heyerman. These guys (they are brothers) write and draw comics on their blog, Pants Are Overrated. In total violation of Everything That’s Sacred, (and to the delight of many Calvin and Hobbes fans), a couple of weeks ago they, very briefly, brought Calvin backas an adult! Their Calvin is 26 years older than his former, original self. Not only that, he has a kid, a daughter named “Bacon” (named for the Enlightenment philosopher, Francis Bacon.)

This is a dangerous, dangerous thing to try. But Tom (who draws) and Dan (who writes), come remarkably close to capturing some of the original magic…

hobbes and baconCredit: Pants Are Overrated

Oh, there are a few bits I could argue with. Calvin and Hobbes’ creator Bill Watterson would probably not have stuck in that Donald Trump reference. The drawings, though…my, they’re good. I wondered if the woman who shares Calvin’s bed might be Calvin’s neighbor Susie Derkin, which makes absolutely no sense because Calvin and Susie hated (and wildly flirted with) each other, but when I looked at this second strip…It IS Susie!

hobbes and bacon 2Credit: Pants Are Overrated

The problem is not that these cartoons are badly done. On the contrary, if you look at a spate of Calvin-As-A-Grown Up drawings collected by Gerry Canavan and posted here, the Heyermans version is probably the best.

The problem is me. I just watched my youngest daughter graduate college (this past weekend) and when you sit on your folding chair watching your daughter turn into a full-fledged, strong, out-in-the-world adult, creatures who don’t change, who don’t remind you the world is always changing — become extra magical. They live outside the tick, tick, tick that is sending all of us into our futures.

I know the Heyermans weren’t thinking about this when they drew their homage to Bill Watterson, but when they added 26 years to Calvin, they added 26 years to me. And while I liked what they did, I kinda wish they hadn’t done it. They recently said that even though they got 55,000 views on their site, they’re moving on to other projects.

Tom Heyerman wrote there won’t be any more “Hobbes and Bacon” strips…at least not for a while, that updating Calvin and Hobbes “is just not what we do.” I’m glad.

I think they realized they had perturbed the universe.

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1211

  1. Dan L - NYC says:

    Not for nothing Impish but that as a Noo Yakah that biker needs to:
    1) Grow a pair of real man’s balls.
    2) Stop thinking he’s friggin special.
    3) Get a friggin seeing eye dog for his bike.
    4) Stop whining about he should be getting a medal for saving the planet.

    Hell, I used my bike to get around and no cop breaks balls for nothing. He wants to be a “free spirit” and is “entitled” because “he is saving the friggin planet” so he makes a big show of being dumber than a sack of rocks. Jimminy H. Cripes (clean version as opposed to J.F.C.) these ‘self avtualized’ scumbuckets are breeding like cockroaches in a Southern Boulevard cuchifritos. They are definitely a dime a dozen in NYC.

    Sure as hell you are taking your life in your hands when riding your bike on Manhattan streets. Been there and done that. Buses, taxis, delivery trucks, clueless pedestrians and naturally Jersey drivers (not you, just the rest of ’em) , leave a bicyclist with a damn full agenda.

    On the other hand these assholes ignore the fact that they have very specific laws that they are required to operate under. Like say RED LIGHTS MEAN STOP AND FRIGGIN WAIT JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. No way! These self entitled pricks just blow by and frequently hit pedestrians who – as the slowest & “GREENIST” have the right of way. Then they act as terrorists on motorless wheels.

    Bike paths are a shitty idea that fucks up traffic flow but rewards & enables the idiot class.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Dan~

      Don’t hold back and “kid glove it” man up and tell us how you REALLY feel about cyclists! LMBO!

  2. Gary says:

    yes even thoe calvin , hobes & bacon was done good it was best to have left it as it was. lil mistery in it

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Wow apparently judging by the lack of spelling somone forgot its ‘puff-puff-pass’ and borgarted the entire doobie huh Gary?

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