Yup still the Opening banner pretty much sums up this issue. The clean out of my Hard Drive continues, a bet at a slightly slower pace (it’s too hot here). It probably will continue for the next several issues.

Speaking of hot I noticed some serious hypocrisy coming out of the NWS last week. Nearly simultaneously on the same day they issued Ozone Levels and Excessive Heat Index warnings. Now don’t get me wrong these warnings ARE important but for High Heat Index they say things like “limit exertion, physical exercise & over all amount of time spent outside during daylight hours”. Then for the Ozone Warning they are saying we should “take steps to limit ozone production by walking or Bicycling NOT using drive thru lanes but getting out and walking” in High Heat Index conditions (which means you shut your car off. Here in the hot Texas sun that means it immediately ceases being a car and becomes a solar furnace). IF you go into say BK for roughly 10 min to get your lunch chances are decent that you 72 degree car you left will be 120+ when you get back to it.

Anyone else see a hypocritical contradiction of instructions here?

Coffee for the Extremely Grouchy in the Morning!

Had a nice time for the 4 day Holiday weekend. Actually managed a short getaway for some Fun, Sun, Sand and Family (not all those things necessarily occurred at the same time or together) Impish even winged down for a day of Sun,  Sand & Salt Air. I had to cover him in sand to keep him from burning on the beach as he took his post flight snooze. Here’s a pic I took of him on the beach in relaxed repose.

 

Michael Douglas sparked a firestorm claiming that he caught throat cancer by giving oral sex to his wife.

It begs two obvious questions.

Is this a sound medical diagnosis..or is Michael Douglas just the latest Democrat to blame everything on Bush?

I Party Too Much wiff da Leppercon on da Fourth!

 

Sort of makes you think doesn’t it?!

CLINT EASTWOOD AND A ONE SENTENCE EDITORIAL

This one sentence editorial appeared in the Peoria Journal Star  . . . . .
“A pen in the hand of this president is far more dangerous than a gun in the
hands of 200 million law-abiding citizens.”

Then Clint Eastwood added his words  . . . . .
“We Americans are so tired of being thought of as dumbasses by the rest of the world that we went to the polls this past November and removed all doubt.” –Clint Eastwood

Poll: Most love America, don’t think founders would

71 percent say Founding Fathers would be unhappy with Washington

By Ashley Killough CNN http://www.click2houston.com/news/Politics/poll-founding-fathers-would-be-disappointed-in-america/-/2574696/20840566/-/nnatf7z/-/index.html?treets=hou&tid=2659926414813&tml=hou_12pm&tmi=hou_12pm_1_12000107042013&ts=H

(CNN) – With signs of patriotism abounding for the Fourth of July, a new survey indicates seven in 10 Americans think the Founding Fathers would be disappointed by the way the United States has turned out, 237 years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

But that doesn’t mean Americans themselves are displeased. The same poll, released Thursday by Gallup, shows the number who say they’re very or extremely proud to be American remains steady at 85 percent.

According to the poll, 57 percent of adult Americans are “extremely proud” and 28 percent are “very proud.” In addition, 10 percent say they are “moderately proud,” with 3 percent saying they are “only a little proud” and a mere 1 percent saying they are “not at all proud.”

Despite the high level of patriotism, 71 percent of Americans think the signers of the Declaration of Independence wouldn’t be pleased with the nation today. That number has steadily risen since 2001, when the number stood at 42 percent.

On the contrary, 27 percent in this year’s poll say the Founding Fathers would appreciate how the country now fares, down from 54 percent in 2001.

Older Americans, those in the Midwest, conservatives and Republicans are the least likely to say the signers would be pleased, according to Gallup.

“This indicates that Republicans’ and conservatives’ growing disenchantment with a Democratic president could be one of the underlying factors in the decline in the percentage of Americans who say the signers would be pleased,” stated a release with the Gallup poll.

For the survey, Gallup questioned 1,529 adults by telephone from June 1-4 and 2,048 adults from June 20-24. The poll’s sampling error is plus or minus three percentage points.

Mexican amusement park offers fake border crossing

‘Night Walk’ puts tourist groups through the wringer for 3 hours

Published On: Jun 27 2013 10:03:41 AM CDT http://www.click2houston.com/news/mexican-amusement-park-offers-fake-border-crossing/-/1735978/20738060/-/7qgltz/-/index.html?treets=hou&tid=2659926414813&tml=hou_12pm&tmi=hou_12pm_1_12000106272013&ts=H

A new amusement park attraction in Mexico is giving visitors the thrill of an illegal border crossing without the risk of arrest.

The Parque EcoAlberto in Hidalgo says it’s offering the experience, complete with fake smugglers and Border Patrol agents, as a way to dissuade Mexicans from attempting to cross the U.S. border, PBS reported.

For three hours, visitors are put through the wringer, enduring sirens, chases and the threat of dogs.

Tours of the Night Walk attraction cost the equivalent of about $20.

Visitors can also enjoy other recreational attractions like hot springs and rappelling, according to the park website.

An administrator at the park, Maribel Garcia, told PBS the purpose of the border crossing attraction is simple.

“Our objective is to stop the immigration that exists amongst our citizens, principally from the state of Mexico to the U.S.,” she said.

OK two things. First of all….

I REALLY did not see that one coming!

Secondly, if there are Mexicans w/ $20 to blow on a single amusement park attraction they are better off that many Americans I know. So then WHY are they all so damned eager to get here? Because we have flushable toilet paper?

What if great scientists had logos?

 

What kind of math is that you ask?  Why its Bacon lovers math!

           ACT! for America founder Brigitte Gabriel speaks at  anti-Shariah Conference in Nashville.

Get comfy as it is a bit long, but this is a brutal eye opener. You’ll definitely want to see this, especially if you have kids. 

 http://bcove.me/07uefz8c

AND REMEMBER FOLKS! This is YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK! YOU  are footing the bill for this undermining of our once great Nation through  the teaching of a curriculum approved by YOUR LOCALLY ELECTED SCHOOL BOARD. A board to whom you have ENTRUSTED the impressionable minds of your sons & daughters!

Air sick bags are available under your seats! Mess on my floor you clean it, mess on someone else you’re responsible for the dry cleaning bill!

 

Impish was complaining of knotting and cramps in his wing roots after his long flight in (WHINING would be more accurate actually) so here’s a photo of me taken by Molly as I walk Impish’s back (I’m jig dancing actually)working those knots out.

I’m guessing their target market is the rare nerd &/or geek that actually has a girlfriend that’s not a gym sock!

Does anyone know why baby diapers are called Luvs and Huggies while old people’s  diapers are called Depends?

Well, it’s because if a baby craps in his pants, you are still gonna Luv’em and Hug’em.  But, if an old person craps in his pants, will he still be Luv’ed or Hugged?

Well, that Depends on if your ass is in the Will or not.

[Photo of the original SWAT team shown stacked for entry into a suspected Catnip Den]

New ID rules would threaten citizens’ rights

By Richard Sobel, Special to CNN

http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/13/opinion/sobel-id-immigration/index.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rss%2Fcnn_us+%28RSS%3A+U.S.%29

(CNN) — Sensible immigration reform will strengthen American society and economy. But it must also respect the rights of U.S. citizens and those aspiring to join them.

Buried in the comprehensive immigration reform legislation before the Senate are obscure provisions that impose on Americans expansive national identification systems, tied to electronic verification schemes. Under the guise of “reform,” these trample fundamental rights and freedoms.

Requirements in Senate Bill 744 for mandatory worker IDs and electronic verification remove the right of citizens to take employment and “give” it back as a privilege only when proper proof is presented and the government agrees. Such systems are inimical to a free society and are costly to the economy and treasury.

Any citizen wanting to take a job would face the regulation that his or her digitized high-resolution passport or driver’s license photo be collected and stored centrally in a Department of Homeland Security Citizenship and Immigration Services database.

The pictures in the national database would then need to be matched against the job applicant’s government-issued “enhanced” ID card, using a Homeland Security-mandated facial-recognition “photo tool.” Only when those systems worked perfectly could the new hire take the job.

Immigrant employees would probably have to get biometric (based on body measurements like fingerprint scans and digital images) worker ID cards. Social Security cards may soon become biometric as well. Any citizen or immigrant whose digital image in the Homeland Security databank did not match the one embedded in their government-issued ID would be without a job and benefits.

Yet, citizens have a constitutional right to take employment. Since the Butchers Union Co. decision in 1884, the U.S. Supreme Court has held that “the right to follow any of the common occupations of life is an inalienable right … under the phrase ‘pursuit of happiness.’ ” This right is a large ingredient in the civil liberties of each citizen.

The digital ID requirements in S. 744 eliminate that fundamental right to take employment and transform it into a privilege. This constitutional guarantee could in effect be taken away by bureaucratic rules or deleted by a database mistake.

As philosopher John Locke, whose phrase “consent of the governed” animates the Declaration of Independence, once said, everybody “has a property in his own person.” Who is a citizen is today determined by his or her American personhood. Under S. 744, that would no longer be true.

Instead, the determination of whether someone has a right to take a job would be made by two computer files: one in a Department of Homeland Security database and the other on a government-issued ID card. Identity and IDs become “property of the U.S. government.”

Moreover, S. 744 undermines constitutional federalism by resurrecting ID provisions that most states have rejected. Not only does S. 744 mandate “E-Verify” as a national electronic verification system for employment for the 33 states that have not joined it (Illinois actually outlawed its use), the bill also revives the moribund “Real ID” requirement for sharing of driver’s license photos among the states and federal government, which 25 states opposed by law or resolution. Only 13 states joined as of last year.

In short, S. 744 gets around states’ repeated rejections of national identification systems by lumping E-Verify and Real ID into overly comprehensive national identification (rather than immigration) “reform.” S. 744’s provisions also mandate collection of the details about almost every American, an enumeration task the Constitution authorizes only to the census every 10 years, and then only under a 72-year guarantee of confidentiality.

E-Verify essentially equates all Americans with “illegal immigrants.” Instead of naturalization freeing legal immigrants from carrying mandatory “green cards,” universal E-Verify would impose IDs on American citizens. E-Verify effectively creates a “no-work” list for the unverifiable.

Uses of worker IDs will proliferate like Social Security numbers — once intended “not for identification purposes” — and driver’s licenses — once simply proving driving skill. Worker IDs could become “travel licenses” for “official purposes,” as defined by the secretary of Homeland Security, like entering government buildings, flying (still possible now without ID) or taking public transit. These undermine the rights to petition government and to travel. Even though the bill says it does not authorize a national ID, its provisions do.

Digital photos in the Homeland Security databank can be used to match anyone anywhere using facial recognition surveillance technology. Because the standards are cross-national and the U.S. exchanges information with other governments and global organizations, the digital photos will probably be shared with foreign and international intelligence and police agencies.

Moreover, the recent revelations of IRS and National Security Agency excesses raise the question of universal E-Verify as the foundation for a central surveillance system of storing and tracking job, tax, communication and biometric information on individuals. This shifts too much power to the government and away from citizens.

Worker ID systems will burden individuals and businesses with large expenses. Many Americans without driver’s licenses will lose work time traveling to vital records offices for birth or marriage certificates or to motor vehicle agencies for state IDs to become eligible to be E-Verified. The large costs some people pay will include the inability to work because they cannot get proper documentation..

As one immigration-policy expert was quoted saying in the Wall Street Journal, a biometric E-Verify system is “not only a gross violation of individual privacy, it’s an enormously high-cost policy that will have an incredibly low to negligible benefit.” Even sponsors of the bill have noted that biometric tracking systems are inordinately expensive and “have experienced problems in test runs.” If E-Verifying costs $150 per employee, only a third (37%) of Americans say in polls that they would support using the system.

The existing E-Verify is infamous for database errors that kept tens of thousands of citizens out of work and in limbo. Nationwide E-Verify could raise that number many-fold. A 1% error rate for a labor force of more than 150 million workers, with the vast majority being American citizens, leaves 1.5 million unemployed.

These ID provisions divert attention and resources from effective and comprehensive policy measures to stop illegal immigrants and reform immigration.

Simpler and less invasive alternatives to E-Verify, such as longstanding provisions for citizen attestation of their rights. And others can “answer questions about previous addresses or other details.” These can be implemented inexpensively on forms kept at the workplace.

Protecting the constitutional right to employment of a diversity of citizens helps everyone who wants to contribute to prosperity and to become American by maintaining citizenship as the bedrock of freedoms. Our citizenship must remain the gold standard, rather than a tarnished dream, for both current Americans and those seeking to enter here.

Our leaders have to hear that E-Verify, digital IDs and databanks, and biometric worker cards need to be dropped fast. Increased legal immigration, reasonable legalization, fair work standards enforcement and viable guest worker options can sustain citizenship and employment rights fairly and without exorbitant costs.

And we do not want biometric worker IDs or digital “Big Brother” verification schemes that trample on the basic rights of American citizens and those working to join us.

Nothing to Hide: The False Tradeoff between Privacy and Security

by Daniel J. Solove

George Washington University Law School May 1, 2011

http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1827982

download link lower right side for Chapter 1 in Pdf which every one should be able to read.

Abstract:
“If you’ve got nothing to hide,” many people say, “you shouldn’t worry about government surveillance.” Others argue that we must sacrifice privacy for security. But as Daniel J. Solove argues in this book, these arguments and many others are flawed. They are based on mistaken views about what it means to protect privacy and the costs and benefits of doing so.

In addition to attacking the “Nothing-to Hide Argument,” Solove exposes the fallacies of pro-security arguments that have often been used to justify government surveillance and data mining. These arguments – such as the “Luddite Argument,”the “War-Powers Argument,” the “All-or-Nothing Argument,” the “Suspicionless-Searches Argument,” the “Deference Argument,” and the “Pendulum Argument” – have skewed law and policy to favor security at the expense of privacy.

The debate between privacy and security has been framed incorrectly as a zero-sum game in which we are forced to choose between one value and the other. But protecting privacy isn’t fatal to security measures; it merely involves adequate oversight and regulation.

The primary focus of the book is on common pro-security arguments, but Solove also discusses concrete issues of law and technology, such as the Fourth Amendment Third Party Doctrine, the First Amendment, electronic surveillance statutes, the USA-Patriot Act, the NSA surveillance program, and government data mining.

Anyone interested in the entire paper (275+ pages) can contact me.

If you think you can hide in a crowd, think again.  Keep clicking on the picture to magnify it (or click on the “+” sign at upper left).  In the case of an iPad, just keep touching the + sign

“This picture was taken with a 70,000 x 30,000 pixel camera (2100 Megapixels.)  These cameras are not sold to the public and are being installed in strategic locations.  It can identify a face in a multitude of people.  Place the cursor in the mass of people and double-click a couple times (or ‘finger-spread’ on a device.)  Scary sharp.”

http://www.gigapixel.com/mobile/?id=79995

What A Drone Can See From 17,500 feet

http://www.youtube.com/v/AHrZgS-Gvi4

Pay attention to the narrator when he says “and Argos stores everything”! What, me paranoid? You can’t be paranoid if you are worried about the factual truth!

Personally, I’d LOVE to organize a day where everyone ran around all day long outside in Guy Foss masks, wide brimmed hats and capes as a protest against domestic spying

Good Morning Campers!

I hope everyone had a great holiday and are continuing to have a good holiday weekend. 

Would the General Manager of the Camp Ground please conduct a head count, find out who’s missing and check the local places…jail, half-way houses, and double check the brothels for anyone passed out under the beds.  You know the way Katie likes to hide some of them under the beds before she’s done with them.  Give me a head count by close of business today.

Anyone know of anyone who hasn’t made it back to the campground yet?
Lethal?
No, Lethal’s fine.  I’ve got good track on him. 
No, I don’t know exactly where he’s at, he disabled the gps function on his health monitor but I know he’s still fine.

Anyway, it’s time to get this party started, so without further ado, let’s get started laffing!

My poor friend Lethal.  Dude, I found out why it’s been so hot for you.  I’m really sorry.  I’m not sure why, but this seems to be the what’s causing it.  Dude, I’m sure it’s not you the Big Guy is angry at, but you need to look around your area and figure it out.

 

Welcome To The 21st Century

1 –Our Phones ~ Wireless

2 –Cooking ~ Fireless

3 –Cars ~ Keyless

4 –Food ~ Fatless

5 –Tires ~ Tubeless

6 –Dress ~ Sleeveless

7 –Youth ~ Jobless

8 –Leaders ~ Shameless

9 –Relationships ~ Meaningless

10 –Attitude ~ Careless

11 –Babies ~ Fatherless

12 –Feelings ~ Heartless

13 –Education ~ Valueless

14 –Children ~ Mannerless

15 –Everything Has Becoming LESS but still our hopes are endless.

16 –In Fact We Are Speechless

17 –And Obama Has Always Been CLUELESS /
CLASSLESS / AND USELESS!!!

But, Then Again, I Could Be Wrong. A bout The First 16 Things,

 

 

The most famous World Series opening pitch in history.
President Bush throws out the first ball.  Remember, this was right after 9/11
If you don’t do anything else today, just watch this …. it’s    great!

This is destined to be a classic.  The relationship between men and women, husbands and wives, siblings, partners, friends, you name it!  Everyone should be able to appreciate this one!  And remember, for crying-out-loud, you HAVE to go to the website to view this and all the other videos you see in the email!  http://dragonlaffs.com

A recent survey asked 800 California women if they were sexually active last month.  Half said yes. The other half were married women.    An army nurse went to bed eating popcorn and woke up with a kernel between her legs.    There was an unscheduled event in a Baghdad harem. The sultan barged in unexpectedly, and his 62 wives let out a terrified sheik.   If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the light on, does a hard sleeper sleep harder with a hard on?   My boyfriend makes love like how he drives. He pulls out without seeing if anybody else is coming.   The worst thing you can say to a man who complains that his wife is frigid is, “No, she isn’t!” She was only the Violinists daughter, but she took off her G-string and all the boys fiddled. Bilingual: A person who enjoys giving oral sex to both men and women.   She was only the Doctor’s daughter, but she really knew how to operate. MINE SHAFT: What a German calls his dick.   I’m not saying she’s a slut, but she’s been on more wieners than Heinz Ketchup.   The difference between a boxer and a woman is a boxer stands up to get knocked down and a woman lies down to get knocked up.   Scientists have discovered that bats usually eat flies that are having sex. Who knew it was so dangerous to fly united?   I’m not saying she’s a slut, but her and fireworks have a lot in common: they’re both banging in the street.   She was only the Flag-wavers daughter, but she’d let her standards down for anyone.   I haven’t been this excited since my pager got stuck on vibrate!       She was only the Clergyman’s daughter, but you couldn’t put anything pastor.

The following is my weekly, obligatory attempt to open the eyes of the misinformed, open the mind of the misguided and do with a smile and a laugh…
Think about these next couple, please?

And the one that ought to piss us off the most. 

And the fact that the bastard and his cronies have taken almost 40% of my income away from me. He’s going on vacation and I’m choosing between medicine and food.

A guy brings his best buddy home for dinner. His wife screams, “You asshole! My hair & makeup aren’t done, the house is a mess, the dishes aren’t done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight!
Why the hell did you bring him home?”

“‘Cause he’s thinking of getting married…”

Well, it’s finally happened.  The first F-117, Stealth Fighter has made it to the boneyard outside of Davis Montham Air Force Base in Arizona. 

Good News From the White House

Concerning Pensions and Benefits.

نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره
ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت
نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ررفت ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدانيست نقش ديوار و چشمخيره ماسايه
ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدانيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيرهماپيدا

نيست نقش

If I Hear Anything Else, I’ll Let You Know.

Wonderfully funny and sweet, by the classiest First Lady EVER! 
The problem with socks, by Barbara Bush

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa’s room. “Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”

“What?” said her Grandpa.

“Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney World!”

Or at least on bushes?

Great sports quotes.  You gotta love these:

All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives “See, there’s a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.”
– Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers Pitcher

Last year we couldn’t win at home and we were losing on the road.  My failure as a coach was that I couldn’t think of anyplace else to play.
– Harry Neale, professional hockey coach

When it’s third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers; I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time.
– Max McGee, Green Bay Packers receiver

I found out that it’s not good to talk about my troubles.  Eighty percent of the people who hear them don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad you’re having trouble.
– Tommy Lasorda, LA Dodgers manager

My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget. 

My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play.  If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren’t as good.
– Vic Braden, tennis instructor

Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch.
– Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver

When they operated, I told them to put in a Koufax fastball.  They did – but it was Mrs. Koufax’s.
– Tommy John N.Y. Yankees recalling his 1974 arm surgery

I don’t know.  I only played there for nine years. 
– Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles

We were tipping off our plays.  Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost.
– John Breen, Houston Oilers

The film looks suspiciously like the game itself.
– Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints after viewing a lop-sided loss to the Atlanta Falcons

When I’m on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo.
– Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher

The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday.
– Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach

I have discovered, in twenty years of moving around the ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats.
– Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox owner

Because if it didn’t work out, I didn’t want to blow the whole day. 
– Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon.

I have a lifetime contract. That means I can’t be fired during the third quarter if we’re ahead and moving the ball.
– Lou Holtz, Arkansas football coach

I won’t know until my barber tells me on Monday.
– Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game

I tell him “Attaway to hit, George.”
– Jim Frey, K.C. Royals manager when asked what advice he gives George Brett on hitting

I learned a long time ago that “minor surgery” is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.
– Bill Walton, Portland Trial Blazers

Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash.
– George MacIntyre, Vanderbuilt football coach surveying the team roster that included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores.

Thanks for these last ones dad, they made me laugh … a lot! 

And in return, a special golf joke, just for you…
A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde approached them she asked the trio if she could join them. Naturally, the guys all agreed.

REMEMBER . . OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

Great Quotes!

The following takes place at the License Bureau

 

 “Next.”
“Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license.”

“Names?”

“Tim and Jim Jones.”

“Jones?? Are you related?? I see a resemblance.”

“Yes, we’re brothers.”

“Brothers?? You can’t get married.”

“Why not?? Aren’t you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?”

“Yes, thousands. But we haven’t had any siblings. That’s incest!”

“Incest?” No, we are not gay.”

“Not gay?? Then why do you want to get married?”

“For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other.  Besides, we don’t have any other prospects.”

“But we’re issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who’ve been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman.”

“Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim.”

“And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?”

“All right, all right. I’ll give you your license.

Next.”

“Hi. We are here to get married.”

Names?”

“John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson.”

“Who wants to marry whom?”

“We all want to marry each other.”

“But there are four of you!”

“That’s right. You see, we’re all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship.”

“But we’ve only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples.”

“So you’re discriminating against bisexuals!”

“No, it’s just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it’s just for couples.”

“Since when are you standing on tradition?”

“Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere.”

“Who says?? There’s no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!”

“All right, all right. Here’s your license.”

“Next.”

“Hello, I’d like a marriage license.”

“In what names?”

“David Deets.”

“And the other man?”

“That’s all. I want to marry myself.”

“Marry yourself?? What do you mean?”

“Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two personalities together. Then I can file a joint income-tax return.”

“That does it!? I quit!!? You people are making a mockery of marriage!!”

Here’s a great video!

Okay, this one is scary as hell! Mother Nature’s way of saying “Surprise!”

Well, folks.  That’s all I have for today.  No Last Word.  Gotta go catch up on some much needed rest.  Take care, write soon and be well.
Cheers!

Impish Dragon

I’m basically devoting as little time to this issue as possible. A spare minute here and there because I’m trying to take the week off w/o actually taking the week off. If Impish can get fallen all over for just dumping the contents of a Hard Drive file into the blog editor and calling it a post, well I’m  fine with not breaking my neck over a holiday issue and having one myself for a change instead. Don’t worry I’ll probably put just a little bit more effort than that into it

Yup it’s the 200th issue of Leprechaun Laughs. You people made it plenty clear that milestones and anniversary’s don’t mean much as far as the blog goes so that enough discussing of this one right there.

I would however like to take this opportunity to acknowledge and thanks those of you who(apologetically) posted comments or wrote me directly post 3rd Leprechaun Laughs Anniversary. Several of you had some interesting and valid observations which I promise will be taken into account while I re-evaluate my time commitments.

I have no time table for this as I want to be sure I do it objectively, calmly and most importantly arrive at the correct (for me) answers.

Let’s get a move on shall we? I have summer holiday fun to get to and a hard drive full of miscellaneous what not stands between me and  a tall cold beverage under an umbrella and a good book while gourmet game burgers grill.

 

The unfortunate sad truth is the former is largely not the case any longer and the government wants to prosecute that latest person they should be proud of.

 

The Top 10 Failed Water Park Attractions

1. The Bidet of Terror!
2. Nothin’-But-Bullies Drowning Pool
3. Big Blister Dry Slide
4. The On-Our-Attorney’s-Advice-You-Must-Sign-a-Waiver Wave Pool
5. Perv Lookout
6. Arctic Shrinkage Experience
7. Cap’n Cheney’s Waterboarding Adventure
8. The Colonblaster Extreme Waterslide
9. Showers O’ Gold!

#1 Failed Water Park Attraction…

1. Seniors Changing Room House of Horrors

 

 

Died with shame…

Annie, 6 years old, gets home from school.
She had just had her first family planning lesson at school.
Her mother, very interested, asks;” How did it go?”

“I died of shame!” she answers!

“ Why?” Her Mother asked.

Annie said, “Karen from down the road, says that the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage. Peter in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital.”

Her mother answers laughingly “But that’s no reason to be ashamed?”

“No, but I can’t tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Star Spangled Banner Lyrics By Francis Scott Key 1814

Oh, say can you see by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
‘Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more!
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust.”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

For you on the Looney Left or if you have A.D.D. and couldn’t be bothered to read all 4 verses let me call your attention to the 4th verse which from my view point is as important as the first and should be sung as often as possible to remind us of the very thing the Left so desperately hates and would see struck from our government and society. RETIRED MARINE LEWIS SOUND OFF!

 

 

Today’s ‘undetermined specimen’ comes from K-Squared who was kind enough to even do the research for me before forwarding this to me.

Post Office Buildings for Sale

The US has entered into a contract with a real estate firm to sell 56 buildings that currently house U.S. Post Offices. The government has decided it no longer needs these buildings, many of which are located on prime land in towns and cities across the country.

The sale of these properties will fetch billions of dollars and a handsome 6% commission to the company handling the sales. That company belongs to a man named Richard Blum. Who is Richard Blum you ask?

Why the husband of Senator Dianne Feinstein, that’s who. What a bunch of crooks we have running this country!

Senator Feinstein and her husband, Richard Blum, stand to make a fortune. His firm, C.R. I., is the sole real estate company offering these properties for sale. Of course, C.R.I. Will be making a 6% commission on the sale of each and every one of these postal properties.

All of these properties that are being sold are all fully paid for. They were purchased with U.S. Taxpayers dollars, and they are allowed free and clear by the U.S.P.S. The only cost to keep them is the cost to actually keep the doors open and the heat and lights on. The United States Postal Service doesn’t even have to pay property taxes on these subject properties. Would you sell your house just because you couldn’t afford to pay the electric bill?

Well, the Post Office is.

How does a powerful U.S. Senator from San Francisco manage to get away with such a sweet deal?

A powerful United States Senator’s husband is standing by, all ready to make millions from a U.S. Taxpayer funded enterprise.

No one in the mainstream media is even raising an eyebrow over his 6% commission on the sale of hundreds of millions of dollar’s worth of quasi-public assets.

Pass this info on before it’s pulled from the Internet.

True on Snopes: http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/blum.asp

Yuppers boys and girls while no less objectionable or foul smelling for its accuracy this one IS substantially true and more or less accurate. Though as SNOPES does point out there IS one slight…’overstatement’ in the piece.

It occurs to me that there are a million situations were friends and family or employees are prohibited from entering contests and all sorts of other situations to prevent any suspicion of impropriety. WHY isn’t that a law when dealing with the Federal Government? I know that it IS the law in some states when it comes to municipal and state governments!

The President and First Lady have to put all their interests in a managed trust while in office so why doesn’t Congress?

In any event this one is certified:

Golf Club Sign

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK:

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

3.. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.

5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.

6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.

7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU

8. DON’T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

9. QUIET PLEASE…WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.

10.. DON’T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE.

NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Did I read that sign right?

In an office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER…….. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? [Wonder what I could get for a Dragon?]

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer’s field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK).

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 Government Conspiracies That Make PRISM Look Pedestrian

by Jillian Scharr, TechNewsDaily Staff Writer June 14 2013 04:33 PM ET

As you might have noticed, there was a theme interlaced with all the other assorted what not today. I’m still on an NSA/Big Brother privacy violations theme of a sorts. Primarily because I got so many good editorial cartoons about the situation from many different sources which we rapidly  going stale and wanted to use them before they went totally out of date. IT seems that PRISM has drawn all the Conspiracy Theorists back out of the shadows to the glare of their computer monitors (computer monitor having taking on a whole new context) that I probably could have devoted an entire issue to calling bullshit but didn’t want to put the effort into it or stink the place up that badly quite frankly.

S0 instead I thought we’d take a humorous tour of the weird world of governmental conspiracy theories. Everyone don their tinfoil hats and chemtrail defeating masks now!

As far as government schemes come, the NSA’s super-surveillance PRISM program sounds like something straight out of dystopian science fiction.

But conspiracy theorists would say that PRISM, which stands for “Planning Tool for Resource Integration, Synchronization, and Management,” isn’t that surprising.  In fact, some of the projects and investigations that the U.S. government is rumored to be conducting make PRISM look pretty unremarkable.

Now that’s not to say that even a fraction of what you’ll hear from famous conspiracy theorist Alex Jones or conspiracy forum abovetopsecret.com is true. But most theories have a kernel of truth at their core. [Why the NSA’s PRISM Program Shouldn’t Surprise You]

For example, did you know that Area 51 is a real place? It’s a high-security portion of Edwards Air Force Base, located near Groom Lake, Nev.

Now, there probably aren’t actual extraterrestrial remains or flying saucer artifacts at Area 51, but if evidence of alien life existed, that’s a likely place you would find it.

Alien life aside, here are four other alleged government programs — some confirmed, some rumored and some just plain crazy.

PLOT: International surveillance system

 

PROGRAM: ECHELON

LIKELIHOOD: A stretch

PRISM is child’s play compared to ECHELON, an alleged worldwide network of radio satellites and intelligence-gathering equipment.  

 First, here’s what we know for sure: In 1946, the United States and United Kingdom signed an agreement called the UKUSA Signals Intelligence Agreement to share covert intelligence gathered from radio surveillance. UKUSA (standing for United Kingdom United States Agreement, pronounced “eu-koo-sa”) later expanded to include Australia, New Zealand and Canada, and is now sometimes called the “Five Eyes” agreement.

Rumors say that the countries accomplished the agreement’s goals with a program called ECHELON, in which the nations spied on their own citizens and shared the information with each other. What ECHELON is, exactly, isn’t clear. However, there is some evidence that something called ECHELON does, in fact, exist.

The term ECHELON appears in several official and semi-official documents, including author and journalist James Bamford’s books on the National Security Agency. A commission from the European Parliament in 2001 concluded that ECHELON does exist and that it has some kind of civilian surveillance capability.

There are plenty of theories that fill in the informational gaps. Some, for example, believe that UKUSA was actually an agreement wherein the United States and United Kingdom agreed to spy on each other’s citizens for each other and share the information.

Others say that British Princess Diana was one of ECHELON’s targets, and the program had gathered massive amounts of information on her at the time of her death. [See also: Future Metadata Will Reveal Even More About You]

Even if ECHELON exists, though, reports of its capabilities are most likely greatly exaggerated. It seems unlikely that this type of big-data collection  and analysis was even possible a few decades ago.

PLOT: Weaponized weather control

PROGRAM: HAARP

LIKELIHOOD: Nearly impossible

HAARP, or the High-frequency Active Aurora Research Project, is definitely real — but probably not in the way that conspiracy theorists envision it.

According to the program’s official site, the HAARP installation is a research station located in Alaska that investigates the “fundamental physical principles which govern the earth’s ionosphere,” an electrically charged layer about 200 miles high in the atmosphere.

The station houses a powerful radio transmitter called the Ionosphere Research Instrument. Comprised of a series of 180 antennae capable of blasting powerful and highly targeted radio waves, the device is “used to stimulate small, well-defined volumes of ionosphere” in order to study the layer’s behavior.

Some people, however, believe that HAARP can control the weather and could even be used as a weapon.

According to some scientists, highly concentrated radio waves could push into the ionosphere, shifting its location with respect to Earth’s surface. This might affect the air pressure and weather patterns beneath the layer, causing unstable weather patterns and powerful storms.

Conspiracy theorists therefore believe that the government could use HAARP to create highly targeted storms and other extreme weather systems. These theorists often blame HAARP and the handful of other ionosphere observation stations around the world when a natural disaster occurs.

PLOT: Slipping enemies LSD

 

PROGRAM: MKUltra

LIKELIHOOD: It’s real

From the late 1940s to the early 1970s,  government researchers were getting high as a kite on LSD while investigating truth drugs, chemical persuasion and mind control.

In the MKUltra program, U.S. military researchers experimented with LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) and other hallucinogenic drugs to facilitate interrogations. In some cases, the researchers themselves served as test subjects; there are reports of two researchers going into a closed room, taking LSD and observing the results.

In other cases, however, test subjects were unaware that they had been given LSD. Officials conducted these experiments to test the effects of unexpected hallucinations, but the results were, predictably, unpredictable.

Later, researchers expanded the study to see if LSD could be used in covert operations to sabotage or even influence enemy combatants or politicians. The CIA even considered slipping LSD to Cuban dictator Fidel Castro, though apparently that never worked out.

In 1973, CIA director Richard Helms had all MKUltra files destroyed. A year later, The New York Times published an article on the program that prompted a congressional investigation. [See also: How Well Do You Know the CIA?]

PLOT: The gay bomb and other “incapacitation” of enemy troops

 

PROGRAM: The so-called “gay bomb” (no formal designation)

LIKELIHOOD: Real, but failed

In the 1990s, the United States was researching nonlethal chemical warfare. One of the possibilities the military looked into was dropping an aphrodisiac on enemy troops, which would cause “homosexual behavior.”

 

 

Reports from the U.S. Air Force Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio,  which were later obtained under a Freedom of Information Act request, describe such a weapon as “distasteful but completely non-lethal.”

Other non-lethal chemical possibilities included substances that would attract bees and wasps, make enemies’ skin supersensitive to sunlight, or produce “severe and lasting halitosis” that would mark enemies even when they tried to blend in with a crowd.

The military eventually determined that none of these ideas were feasible. The so-called “gay bomb,” for example, relies on the theory of human airborne pheromones, about which there are still only very incomplete and problematic studies.

Good Morning Campers!  Let’s jump right into the fun!

“Oh, you’re my best friend!”

So…are you a Geek, or a nerd?  Or are you a little of each (like your friendly Impish Dragon)?  Believe it or not, there is a difference.  Or so says the make use of website.  Read on dear camper, read on… 

Boy, we surely love getting letters…here’s the latest…from my buddy Wheats:

Couldn’t find my usual dish soap but noticed that DAWN has a stunning array of new scents in their line.

Not sure if any of your family was ground up to make this new fragrance but…seems an interesting new change.

Dear Wheats,

You know, I have been missing some of my more fruity family members, lately.  I just thought I was lucky, that they were leaving me alone, but now…I’m not so sure.  I think I’ll get right to looking for them and checking them out.  Yup, I’ll get right to that. 

Yup.  Just as soon as I get done with this important task.  Umm…important….task….

 

Okay, so yeah, this guy summons one of my fire spirit brothers and he thinks he’s done something fantastic?  I hardly think so.

Look at the size of that poor little thing.  He either summoned a poor decrepit older fire dragon or a little baby, who couldn’t defend himself, anyway!  Let’s see how he feels when he summons a full grown, mature fire dragon and has to deal with that kind of attitude and anger.

Like this little … um … lady?

Angry, vengeful, despicable, unforgiving, hurtful, … she’s a really nasty sort.
How do I know?
That’s my ex.
That picture was taken on our honeymoon.

Okay, this one is just too great not to share!  What a tremendous idea and great carry through!  But, of course, if you aren’t on the website then you have no idea what the heck I’m talking about.  So, go to http://dragonlaffs.com and view the video for yourself!  Trust me, this one is really worth it!

Shout this from the hill tops!  From the ROOF TOPS!  Let everyone know.  Finally, someone is willing to speak out!  This guy (so far, anyway) gets re-elected!

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman, were out for a stroll in town one day. As they walked, they come across a sign:”Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world .” “I am entering!” said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her,”Well, how’d ya do?” ” First Place !” said Snow White. They continue walking and they see a sign: “Contest for the strongest man in the world .” “I’m entering,” says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask him,”How did you make out?” ” First Place ,” answers Superman. “Did you have any doubt?” They continue walking when they see a sign: “Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?” Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns,with tears in his eyes. “What happened?” they asked. “Who the hell is Obama?” asks Pinocchio.

 

 

 

 

Thinking Big is the only way to go!

 

So yeah, this is what I look like most days!!

 

 

Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

I met her at a party in the mid 70s.  Lovely girl.  I helped put that kaleidoscope in her eyes.  I’d tell you what I used, but I’m not sure the statute of limitations isn’t still in effect and I know the DEA is extremely interested in the substance I used.  You party with a dragon, and you party with the best! Most humans have a lot of trouble with Brimstone, but this girl was fine….just fine.

Damn splinters!

Personally, I don’t really care if Rodney said all of these or not.  They’re funny and that’s what matters most.

Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield……….

Because he said ….

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose.  Last night she used me to time an egg.

It’s tough to stay married.  My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, ‘Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?’ She said, ‘No, I hate myself now.’

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That’s when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly… they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’

My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I’m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.

Hi ya campers!  It’s almost 10 pm on Friday night, and since Independence Day is right around the corner I hear firecrackers, fireworks, explosions and flashes of light in the sky and it’s been going on for most of the month of June.  I know that most of these early “celebrations” involve copious amounts of alcohol as well as fireworks bought legally and otherwise. 

Now, I’m not making any judgments on what should or should not be legal to buy and where it should be sold.  I want all you guys to just be CAREFUL.  Do you know, the huge numbers of people who are hurt each year by fireworks?

Fireworks Injuries

Fireworks are often a part of special times like the 4th of July and New Year’s Eve. But fireworks can be dangerous. In 2008, an estimated 7,000 people—an average of more than 19 people every day—were treated in emergency departments for injuries sustained from fireworks¹, and more than half of those injured were children. Whenever you celebrate, learn how to protect yourself and those you care about from fireworks–related injuries.  Continue reading here.

For those of you interested strictly in the facts:

Firework Industry Statistics	Data
Pounds of fireworks purchased each year in the US	213.2 lbs
Annual fireworks industry revenue	$940 million
Firework Injury Statistics	Data
Number of injuries per 100 lbs of Fireworks used	3.5
Number of deaths in the US annually due to fireworks	4
Number of serious injuries in the US each year by fireworks	9,300
Percent of injuries caused by illegal fireworks	40 %
Percent of injuries incurred by kids under the age of 14	45 %
Number of Americans who lose sight in one or both eyes due to fireworks	400
Number of US fires caused each year due to fireworks	20,000
Percent of all US fire dollar loss caused by fireworks	0.1 %
Firework Injuries by Type of Device	Data
Firecrackers	32 %
Sky Rockets	15 %
Sparklers	10 %
Fountains	7 %
Spinners & Novelties	5 %
Roman Candles	4 %
Reloadable Mortars	3 %
Other	9 %
Unknown	15 %

Pretty amazing, right?

And here is a really good infographic from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission:

And in conclusion, here is a great video showing you the destructive powers of some of the most common fireworks. http://www.cpsc.gov/Newsroom/Multimedia/?vid=61695   Let me just tell each and everyone of you guys to be careful, have fun and be well, until we see you again next week.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon