Good Morning Campers!!!
And a special  good morning to you Diaman, since I know you are reading this just as it publishes…
We have a GREAT issue for your entertainment, education and edification.  We are loaded with laffs!  And some really cool other stuff!
There are a couple of things I want to remind you of…. first of all, if you want to view a video, you have to go to the website and view it there!  How do you get to  our website?
Really?
Oh….
I see…..
New guy, right?
Okay, for you new folks, you get to the website by clicking here http://dragonlaffs.com or by cutting and pasting into your web browser the same.  While you’re there, especially if you are a new person, help us out by clicking on the link on the right column and donate a little our way to help the site stay free and stay ad free.  Bandwidth costs money.
Yeah, yeah, I know the rest of you guys all know that.
Anyway, let’s start right out with continuing on our Nerd/Geek theme from last week with this great visual…

And now, how about we just start right up and …

A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for her first cleaning and check-up. The hygienist tried to strike up a conversation but got no response. After the cleaning, the dentist was called in to do the final check. The dentist tried to strike up a conversation as well. “How old are you?” No response. The dentist then asked, “Don’t you know how old you are?” Immediately four tiny fingers went up. “Oh,” replied the dentist, “and do you know how old that is?” Four little fingers went up once again. Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked, “Can you talk?” The solemn little patient looked at him and asked, “Can you count?”

I’ve got to train my Baileigh to be like this dog!!!

Here’s Baileigh.  Wonder if she’s got it in her…

Nah!  Hell, she looks stoned as she is!  Oh well.

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6′ 2″, strong as a longhorn, and fast as mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff’s Department. After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man’s last interview. The Chief Deputy said, “You’re a big strong kid, and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an “Attitude Suitability Test”, that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don’t let anyone carry our badge, son.” Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, “Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Democrats, and a rabbit.” “Why the rabbit?” queried the applicant. “You pass,” said the Chief Deputy. “When can you start?”

How to recognize a Gay Bar:  For those of you who have trouble telling what kind of bar you are in, here’s a very simple pictorial explanation:

Space humor…you gotta love it!

My Dad sent me this one.  I was unaware of just how active a lifestyle he lives down there in Florida.

Here’s another GREAT and FUNNY video coming up.  Don’t you think you ought to measure the height of the giant deer statue you are transporting BEFORE you go under a bridge?  And remember, you need to go to the website at http://dragonlaffs.com and while you’re there, why not buy us a cup of coffee?  Just click on the donate tab to the right and drop a couple of bucks on us.  Thanks!

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to
determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good
one.  
  
“I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed
she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked
the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some
hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.

I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.

On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.

At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and
died.” The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.  

“I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me.
 

I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the
chest.” The clerk couldn’t help but chuckle as he directs the man to the
waiting room.  

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He
apologizes and says “I doubt that your last day was as interesting as
the two fellow that arrived here just before you.”

“I don’t know” replies the man. “Picture this,  I’m buck naked
hiding in this cedar chest…………………………….”

Yup, I know the Leprechaun used this next picture last week, but I think this use is funny, too.

GREAT THREAT!!

Hey!  Someone took a picture of the sign outside my house!!!

This is just plain fun.  I guarantee it will put a smile on your face

And if you look to the right on the YouTube page, you will find 45 more videos by these 2 wonderful guys.  I hope you have hours of enjoyment from them!

I want to bring up a subject that may be a little difficult for you to understand or face calmly.  That is the rights of the Federal Government to interfere in the rights of the State Government to make and change rules for the states.  And quite honestly, they don’t have it.

In other words, the Federal Government does NOT have the right to interfere in the decisions the State Government makes for it’s own state.  First, let’s take a look at the article that birthed this calm and patient essay…

Justice Department sues Texas on voter ID law

The Justice Department said Thursday it will sue Texas over the state’s voter ID law and will seek to intervene in a lawsuit over the state’s redistricting laws.

Attorney General Eric Holder said the action marks another step in the effort to protect voting rights of all eligible Americans. He said the government will not allow a recent Supreme Court decision to be interpreted as open season for states to pursue measures that suppress voting rights.

On June 25, the Supreme Court threw out the most powerful part of the Voting Rights Act, whose enactment in 1965 marked a major turning point in black Americans’ struggle for equal rights and political power.

In the voter ID lawsuit, the U.S. government will contend that Texas adopted a voter identification law with the purpose of denying or restricting the right to vote on account of race, color or membership in a language minority group.

Intervening in the redistricting case would enable the federal government to present evidence about the purpose and effect of the Texas redistricting plans. A federal court in Washington, D.C., has previously held that Texas failed to meet its burden of proving that its 2011 redistricting plans and its 2011 voter identification law were not discriminatory.

Some of the compelling arguments listed in the comments section after the article are quite to the point, to whit, since we need to have photo ID for virtually every other single part of our lives, and we recognize (in those other parts) the benefit of properly identifying people for all other purposes, why, with something as important as voting, would you NOT agree for the necessity of having a photo ID?  The only reason ANY of us can figure for advocating not needing photo ID for the purpose of voting is a nefarious one.  It was proved over and over again in the 2012 election that Mr. Obama was the favorable recipient of many, many instances of voter fraud, with several crucial counties having a significant amount over 100% of the vote.  If you don’t know, that is mathematically impossible as well as logically highly improbable that there would have been NO votes for the opposition, especially since the exit polls showed that there were indeed numerous votes for the other side. 

Now, other than the logical need for a photo ID for voting, it is also NOT in the Federal Government’s purview to have ANY say in how a state conducts the business of voting.  They have no business telling Texas how they conduct their voting then they do telling them what color they will paint their courthouses!

I know, I know… Article Six of the United States Constitution establishes, amongst other things, that of the “Supreme Law of the Land” which states that whenever state law and federal law disagree, then the federal law will take precedence.  But tell me what law the state of Texas is breaking by trying to make it so that all voters are required to have a photo ID?  The Federal argument is that it is discriminatory.  If that’s the case, then it is discriminatory for ANYONE to require photo ID for anything!

I’m being discriminated against when the Post Office requires me to show photo ID to pick up a package that was addressed to me!

I’m being discriminated against when my pharmacy requires me to show photo ID when I pick up certain prescription drugs that were prescribed for me by my own doctor!

I’m being discriminated against when my bank won’t open an account without photo ID.  How fair is that?  Am I not entitled to a bank account?

Need I go on with these silly examples?  The Post Office, the Pharmacy and my Bank are only trying to verify that I am who I say I am because the country has gotten so populated that it is impossible for one person to know every, or even almost every other citizen in their district.  In the olden days, it was quite likely that most everyone who would have been put in charge of the voting procedure would have known, by sight, everyone in town who was coming in to vote and if they didn’t know them, odds were that someone whom they knew, knew the stranger.  Just as the banker, pharmacist and Post Master would also know the people in the town and there was no need for ID. 

Now, in the world we live in, it is quite acceptable to expect a verified source of identification to be shown upon request, as required for significant transactions.  And could there possibly be a more significant transaction that we would participate in then voting?

I think not!

Then how is it the Federal Government is challenging this law by saying it’s discriminatory?  Because poor people can’t afford a state ID?

Bullshit!

They have to have it for so many other things that they do, poor or not.

No, it’s much more likely that the team of Obama/Holder realize that such a large portion of their constituency will disappear when required to actually prove who they are and that they haven’t already voted 26 times!  The administration can’t hide in the dark when the clear, enlightened light of truth is shone into their shadows.

No gentlemen, we will do our best to insure that this doesn’t happen…

When I uploaded my autopost last Monday night I told you I was not sure if I would be here this week or if I would be serving on a jury of a murder trial here in Harris County causing you to have to make due with some inferior dragon dropping Impish managed to scrap together left over from his Saturday issue.

(Just kidding Impish- no SERIOUSLY I’m JUST KIDDING!)

Despite having to return again Tuesday and sit in an actual Jury Pool through the process of picking a jury,

 I’M FREE!!

Seems that my actually having opinions on a range of issues from Prosecutors (politically ambitious) and Defense Lawyers (sleazy slimy snakes who never met a loophole  they would not exploit to get a paying client off and justice be damned) to the NRA/Second Amendment (already well documented here) and the Insanity Defense (total bullshit the way its written) made me UNFIT for a jury, well at least THIS jury anyway.

On the bright side believe it or not my check for Jury Duty has arrived already. Two days of my life, being patted down each day like I was a criminal, bad coffee that tasted suspiciously like it had been recycled…thru someone else’s kidneys first, plus being insulted and told that my strongly held opinions about misuse of our judicial system by sleazy lawyers renders me unfit for jury duty is apparently worth a mere $36.
 

I told Molly I was seriously considering using it to stock up on toilet paper. Somehow it seems the fitting thing to do with my reimbursement for preforming what the judge styled ‘the second highest service a citizen can preform for his country- the first being military service.’

 

A Texas redneck was stopped by a game warden with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”

“Naw, my friend, I ain’t got no license. These here are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?”

“Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let ‘em swim ’round for a while, then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take ‘em home.”

“That’s a bunch of BS! Fish can’t do that!”

The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, “It’s the truth. I’ll show you. It really works.”

“Okay, I’ve GOT to see this!”

The redneck poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, “Well?”

“Well, what?” said the redneck.

“When are you going to call them back?”

“Call who back?”

“The FISH!”

“What fish?”

We in Texas may not be as smart as some, but we ain’t as dumb as most.
You smart ones have a good day.

Now I don’t want to be the one to say the Almighty is in desperate need of cooking lessons, but I think we past burnt to a crisp about a week back!

 

Having experienced the awesome and toxic ‘eruptions’ of Impish after accidental ingestion of black beans just once I am in full heartfelt agreement with his position on this subject.

 

I’m going to point to frequency/duration of ride and of course the aforementioned black bean issue.

EUREKA! AT LAST! An easily understandable flow chart of Impish’s Dining thoughts process!

I’ve received many remarkable nature photographs over the years but this photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most remarkable Nature shot that I’ve ever seen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Nature is truly breath-taking!

A FALCON NESTING IN A TREE
http://i.imgur.com/YW6Fufm.jpg

Odd News

Explosive breast implants are now a terror threat

Explosive breast implants could be the next bomb delivery method used by al-Qaida

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/Blog/2013/08/16/Explosive-breast-implants-are-now-a-terror-threat/4521376677949/?spt=fsb&or=ros

By KRISTEN BUTLER, UPI.com | Blog Published: Aug. 16, 2013 at 3:05 PM

Al-Qaida’s chief bomb-maker Ibrahim al-Asiri is rumored to have developed explosives that can be concealed in implants or body cavities, and are undetectable by airport scanners.

Staff at London’s Heathrow Airport have reportedly been warned to be on the lookout for explosive breast implants, with one staff member saying “there are genuine fears over this.”

“We have been told to pay particular attention to females who may have concealed hidden explosives in their breasts,” the airport worker said.

“This is particularly difficult for us to pick up but we are on a very high state of alert.” The warning has led to long lines at Heathrow now near the end of summer travel season.

Since body scanners pick up objects outside the body, it’s not clear whether women are being frisked by hand.

“They are taking longer to screen people and there is definitely some sort of profiling going on,” said independent security analyst Paul Beaver.

Explosives expert Andy Oppenheimer said there is “great fear” that al-Qaida will put these medically-implanted explosives to use before too long.

“It’s pretty top secret and potentially very grisly and ghastly,” Oppenheimer said.

Well I can just see it all now. Shortly you’ll have to go to a Doctor to get a note that your generous endowments are in fact God granted and not man made if your larger than an A cup before the TSA will allow you to board a plane.

Anything above a B-cup will be classified as a potential WMD – Weapon of Mammary Destruction! Those aren’t cold erect nipples, nor is she excited to see you! Those are contact detonators just like on a mine!

But why stop the plastic explosives paranoia plane there? What about those butt implants? Those are not really any different from breast implants! How about the threat of Al-Qaida gynecologists preforming explosive reverse Caesarean sections? That will certainly add a new dimension and twist to the phrase “Who lit the string on your tampon?”

You fat assed guys with the ‘man boobs’ quit laughing at my wit. You’ll be falling under suspicion shortly as well. Just as soon as they make the next logic-less leap of paranoia!

I NEVER HEARD CREATION EXPLAINED THIS WAY BEFORE !!!

In the beginning, GOD created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with Broccoli, Cauliflower and Spinach, GREEN and YELLOW and RED Vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live Long and Healthy Live s.

Then using GOD’S great gifts, SATAN created BEN and JERRY’S Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And SATAN said, “You want CHOCOLATE with that?” And Man said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “and as long as you’re at it, add some sprinkles.” And they gained 10 pounds. AND SATAN SMILED.

AND GOD CREATED THE HEALTHFUL YOGURT THAT WOMAN MIGHT KEEP THE FIGURE THAT MAN FOUND SO FAIR.

AND SATAN BROUGHT FORTH WHITE FLOUR FROM THE WHEAT, AND SUGAR FROM THE CANE AND COMBINED THEM. AND WOMAN WENT FROM SIZE 6 to size 14.

SO GOD SAID, “TRY MY FRESH GREEN SALAD.”

AND SATAN PRESENTED THOUSAND-ISLAND DRESSING, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

GOD THEN SAID, “I HAVE SENT YOU HEART HEALTHY VEGETABLES, AND OLIVE OIL IN WHICH TO COOK THEM.”

And SATAN brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

SO GOD THEN CREATED A LIGHT, FLUFFY WHITE CAKE, NAMED IT “ANGEL FOOD CAKE,” AND SAID, “IT IS GOOD.”

SATAN THEN CREATED CHOCOLATE CAKE AND NAMED IT “DEVIL’S FOOD.”

GOD THEN BROUGHT FORTH RUNNING SHOES SO THAT HIS CHILDREN MIGHT LOSE THOSE EXTRA POUNDS.

AND SATAN gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

THEN GOD BROUGHT FORTH THE POTATO, NATURALLY LOW IN FAT AND BRIMMING WITH NUTRITION.

AND SATAN PEELED OFF THE HEALTHFUL SKIN AND SLICED THE STARCHY CENTER INTO CHIPS AND DEEP-FRIED THEM. AND MAN GAINED POUNDS.

GOD THEN GAVE LEAN BEEF SO THAT MAN MIGHT CONSUME FEWER CALORIES AND STILL SATISFY HIS APPETITE.

And SATAN created McDonald’s and its 99-cent double Cheeseburger. Then said, “You want fries with THAT?” AND MAN REPLIED, “YES! AND SUPER SIZE THEM!” And SATAN said, “IT IS GOOD.”

AND MAN WENT INTO CARDIAC ARREST.

GOD SIGHED AND CREATED QUADRUPLE BYPASS SURGERY.

THEN SATAN CREATED Obamacare.

__IF YOU DON’T SEND THIS TO FIVE OLD FRIENDS RIGHT AWAY THERE WILL BE FIVE FEWER PEOPLE LAUGHING IN THE WORLD__

Someone (not a loyal reader –GASP!) sent this link to me. I liked it, hope it makes you smile too!

 http://www.buzzfeed.com/harpercollins/17-problems-only-book-lovers-will-understand-9npd?s=mobile

Mantiques

Visit the ultimate “man cave,” an antique store that only has one rule – “No sewing machines!”

 

Sports bars and sports bras:
so close in spelling, yet so far apart in philosophy.

Funniest Taekwondo match ever

Just when you think an epic Taekwondo fight is going to start, this happens! These two combatants are more interested in breaking funny bones than noses!

 

Sent in by a reader who said they found it on-line:

Impish Isn’t that YOUR house?

 

I’m actually hoping that Big Liberal Brother and the NSA actually ARE reading this today.

In some what of a departure I’ve posted summaries of 3 “News” ( I use that term in the broadest possible scope of the meaning since true news reporting lies buried with the likes of Walter Cronkite and Edward R. Morrow) which are all related in a sense Followed by my comments which provide a “thought bridge” more or less between them showing how I see them and how they are linked. Each article have a link to the original article and can be followed to read the full article should you be interested in a particular one.

I would caution you to skip this commentary at your own peril for two reasons;

A.) You’ll likely run head long into the ending graphic and probably painfully at that as this is the last item of the blog as it always is.

B.) The privacy and rights you might unknowingly forfeit by ignoring these developments might  WILL BE your own!

NSA Director Defends Surveillance to Angry Audience

by Paul Wagenseil, Senior Editor, Security, TechNewsDaily July 31 2013 06:09 PM ET

http://www.technewsdaily.com/18609-nsa-director-black-hat-talk.html?cmpid=529634

LAS VEGAS — National Security Agency Director Gen. Keith Alexander opened the Black Hat 2013 security conference here this morning with a defense of the NSA’s recently leaked programs that was alternately rueful, defiant and witty.

“I promise to tell you the truth,” Alexander said at the beginning of his keynote address, even as audience members passed around a carton of eggs that, thankfully, was not used.

The NSA surveillance programs exposed by leaker Edward Snowden exist because “terrorists live among us,” Alexander explained.

Apparently the NSA is applying the Viet Nam war “Kill them all, let God sort ‘em out later” philosophy to National Security with a ‘Spy on everyone, let them protest their violated privacy and civil liberties later after we have done it” mind set!

But seriously, is it any wonder they don’t think they are doing anything wrong? When was the last time you met a department of government that actually admitted they were doing wrong and it was their fault, not something they were forced to do or was beyond their control?

 

Silent Circle Follows Lavabit, Shuts Down Secure Email Service

by Paul Wagenseil, Senior Editor, Security, TechNewsDaily August 09 2013 10:53 AM ET

A day after Lavabit, the secure email service used by National Security Agency leaker Edward Snowden, shuttered its doors, a more high-profile secure-communications provider also decided to end its email service.

“Email that uses standard Internet protocols cannot have the same security guarantees that real-time communications has,” wrote Jon Callas, chief technology officer of Silent Circle, on the company’s blog today (Aug. 9).

“There are far too many leaks of information and metadata intrinsically in the email protocols themselves,” Callas wrote. “Email as we know it with SMTP, POP3, and IMAP” — the standard email networking protocols — “cannot be secure.”

Callas, whose resume includes stints at Apple, Hewlett-Packard and PGP Corporation, said the Lavabit shutdown forced his hand.

“We see the writing the wall, and we have decided that it is best for us to shut down Silent Mail now,” he wrote. “We have not received subpoenas, warrants, security letters or anything else by any government, and this is why we are acting now.”

In his own online posting yesterday (Aug. 8), Lavabit operator Ladar Levison implied that government pressure forced him to close Lavabit.

Note the date/time stamp highlighted above and compare it with the one highlighted below if you want to know if you should put a farts worth of belief in the Liberal Bullshitter in Chief’s empty words of appeasement.

Obama Announces NSA Spying Reforms

by Paul Wagenseil, Senior Editor, Security, TechNewsDaily August 09 2013 04:24 PM ET

http://www.technewsdaily.com/18635-obama-nsa-reforms.html?cmpid=532504

President Barack Obama today (Aug. 9) announced four major reform initiatives designed to restore trust in the U.S. government and the intelligence community in the wake of the revelations leaked by former National Security Agency contractor Edward Snowden.

“Given the history of abuse by governments, it’s right to ask questions about surveillance,” Obama said during a White House press conference.

“It’s not enough for me as president to have confidence in these programs,” Obama said, adding that the American people needed to have confidence as well.

Gee HUGE surprise here! We got caught by an unimpeachable source with our hand elbow deep in the forbidden cookie jar of our citizenships rights and their mad as hell. We’ll make placating noises now that we can’t blow its off, brush it aside and doing whatever is necessary to keep them safe or spin it under the carpet.

You want us to believe you’re truly sincere about reforming this grossly excessive violation of the rights of US Citizens?  How about starting by issuing one of those Executive Orders your so damned fond of Obama says the intelligence community will immediately cease ALL pressure on Internet related services providers to grant them unrestricted access sans benefit of a warrant with PRISM you lying liberal sack of pig shit!!

You’re talking changes and reform but mean while the pressure (at least as evidenced by the previous article) is still being applied and in fact appears to be ramping up! The logic being applied is apparently the same as in war when a cease fire is likely in the near future. Full field press to gain as much foothold as you possibly can and consolidate your holdings before it happens, then afterwards return as little as you possibly can get away with.

Don’t expect any of these noises about change to ever be anything more than just that- meaningless sound bites of intended to baffle most voters with bullshit noises that will all dying a quick quiet and ugly death in committee never to be heard of again.

The NSA works in a Black World folks. Little to no oversight or accountability and when you DO manage to shine a light on their activities they run like roaches for the dark and throw out lies and false statements to confuse placate and obfuscate while they get themselves so far back in the dark you’ll never find them again.

The truth is the NSA doesn’t want or like oversight or accountability and neither does the government. For one it makes their job harder for the other it’s the specter of potential scandal always hanging over their heads.

Good morning campers!
No real depth to worry about today.  Just some little pointed things and lots of fun.  What the hell am I talking about? Read on, dear camper, read on and laff!

A couple of golf jokes for my Dan and any of you other golfers out there:

Golfer: “I’ve played so poorly all day; I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.”
Caddy: “I doubt you could keep your head down that long.”

Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: “Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.”

Golfer: “Well, I have never played this badly before!
Caddy: “I didn’t realize you had played before.”

Golfer: “Caddy, do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Oh yes! You miss the ball much closer than you used to.”

Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It’s distracting!”
Caddy: “This isn’t a watch, its a compass!”

Golfer: “Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?”
Caddy: “The way you play, it’s a sin any day of the week!”

Golfer: “This golf is a funny game.”
Caddy: “It’s not supposed to be.”

This one is from the Make Use Of website, which you can visit at http://makeuseof.com and is so funny and apropos to our website.

Okay, I’m sorry, but if my dentist or dental assistant came at me with one of these masks on, it would scare the hell out of me!

On Coast Guard Cutters, low-ranking crew members take turns in the galley helping the cooks. One young seaman aboard was always dropping dishes and spilling food. One day, alone in the galley, he noticed an un-frosted yellow sheet-cake cooling on a counter. Determined to rectify past errors, the seaman made chocolate icing and carefully decorated the cake with it. The seaman stood proudly by the dessert as the head cook returned to the galley. Frantically, the cook began to look around. “Where did my cornbread go?” he shouted.

Karl listened from the other room as his wife, Holly, patiently said to their five-year-old, “Please pick up your toys, Maureen.” After a few minutes, Holly again reminded their daughter. Finally Holly asked, “Why aren’t you picking your things up?” Karl rolled his eyes when he heard Maureen answer, “I’m playing house and I’m the dad, so I don’t know where anything goes.”

My husband, Larry, and I were looking after our three-year-old granddaughter, Kathie, over the a pre-school break. “Can I have a cookie?” Kathie asked Larry. “Ask nicely,” he replied. “Can I may I have a cookie, please?” she asked. Smiling, Larry began to explain how can and may were not both required, then asked her to try it again. “Can I may I have a cookie, please?” Larry again tried to explain grammar to her in spite of my signals not to bother. She heard him out politely, then turned to me and asked, “Is he going to get me that cookie or what?”

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?” After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, “A lawyer!”

Once upon a time, a Sultan was blessed with the birth of a son after years of hoping. The boy immediately became the apple of his father’s eye. Just before his son’s sixth birthday, the Sultan said to him, “Son, I love you very much.Your birthday is coming soon. What would you like?” His son replied, “Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane.” His father bought him American Airlines. Just before his son’s seventh birthday, the Sultan said, “Son, you are my pride and joy. Ask what you want for your birthday. Whatever it is, it’s yours.” His son replied, “Daddy, I would like a boat.” His father bought him the Princess Cruise Line. Just before his son’s eighth birthday, the Sultan said, “Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you.” His son replied, “Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons.” His father bought him Disney Studios. Just before his son’s ninth birthday, the Sultan said, “Son, you are my life. Your birthday is coming soon. Ask what you wish. I will get for you.” His son, who had grown to love Disney, replied, “Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit.” His father bought him the Democratic Party!

Miriam gets married and a year later goes into hospital and gives birth to triplets. All her family and friends are shocked when they hear the news — they know of no one who has had triplets before. As soon as she hears the news, Miriam’s mother-in-law Fay goes to visit her daughter-in-law in hospital. As soon as she arrives, Fay hands over the bunch of grapes and says, “What a surprise, Miriam. No one on our side of the family has ever had twins before, let alone triplets.” “Yes, it was a bit of a shock,” replies Miriam, “but I’m getting over it. By the way, my doctor tells me that triplets only happen once every hundred thousand times.” “Oy vey, Miriam,” says Fay, “how on earth did you find the time to do your housework?”

WASHINGTON –

More than 20 different types of dry pet food has been recalled over concerns it was tainted with salmonella.

The Procter & Gamble Company said all of the recalled products are either Eukanuba or Iams brands that were made at the same manufacturing site within a 10-day window.

P&G said no pets have gotten sick from the food, but they issued the voluntary recall because they said there is a possibility they could be contaminated.

 

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $50,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the host MC that he desired a question on American History. The big night arrived. Bob made his way onstage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The MC stepped up to the mike. “Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $50,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?” Bob nodded with a cocky confidence — the crowd went nuts. He hadn’t missed a question all week. “Bob, yours is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?” Bob was becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn’t believe it, but he was not sure, but American History was his easiest subject, and he played it safe. “I’ll try the easier part first.” The MC nodded approvingly. “Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half.” The audience grew silent with gross anticipation… “Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?”

 

Apparently Even Cats Crave an Occasional Pint o Guinness!

As you might be aware the Power Ball jackpot had grown quite sizable recently. Two weeks ago a near miss of 5 numbers resulted in a consolation prize of over $2 Million dollars here in Houston.

We of course like so many of you stood in line and paid our $2 for our astronomically infinitesimal  shot at the Jackpot last Wednesday night. We came home and retired for the evening at which point I had the following dream:

Molly came home, last Thursday screeching her car into the parking lot, and ran into the apartment. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Lethal! Pack your bags. I won the entire Power Ball Jackpot!”

I said, “BEGORRHA! What do I pack, beach stuff, cruise stuff or mountain stuff?”

“Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Just get the hell out.”

Comparative Religion

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a show and tell assignment. Each student was instructed to bring an object to share with the class that represented their religion.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, “My name is Benjamin. I am Jewish and this is a Star of David.”

The second student got up in front of the class and said, “My name is Mary. I’m a Catholic and this is a Rosary.”

The third student got up in front of the class and said, “My name is Tommy. I am Baptist and this is a casserole.”

Hey as I was cleaning out my phone’s camera files I found this left over photo form Impish’s impromptu trip down to see us at So. Padre Island for the 4th of July. Here he is dining al fresco shore side shortly after arriving:

He claims he thought it was a mermaid, then he tells me…

Gee THERE’S a real shocker!

It’s all Liberal “Logic” (an oxymoron to be sure I agree) folks- I just extended it to other common problems.

Indisputable photographic proof that even blondes can be cops

Cross-Country Travel

Four women were driving across the country.

Each one was from a different state: Idaho, Nebraska, Florida and New York.

Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.

“What the heck are you doing?” demanded the Nebraskan.

“We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!”

That made sense to the gal from Nebraska, so she began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window.

“What are you doing that for?” asked the gal from Florida.

“We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!”

Inspired by watching the entire scene, the gal from Florida opened the car door and pushed the New Yorker out.

N.Y .couple gets scare over simple Google Search

EAST MEADOW, N.Y. It’s something you probably do a dozen times a day — jump on your computer and enter a search into Google.

One Long Island couple did just that, and then heard a knock on the door from police, CBS New York reported.

It is your average home on your typical Long Island street. Michele Catalano and her husband live inside.

And while neighbors say they are your normal suburban couple, on Wednesday morning police descended on the home searching for evidence of terrorism.

As Catalano wrote on her blog: “Googling of certain things was creating a perfect storm of terrorism profiling.”

Two separate searches of the words “backpack” and “pressure cooker” conducted days apart on her husband’s work computer were reported to police by the husband’s employer, and then Suffolk County police showed up to investigate.

In a statement, authorities said: “Suffolk County Criminal Intelligence detectives received a tip from a Bay Shore-based computer company regarding suspicious computer searches conducted by a recently released employee.”

Suffolk County police weren’t in the house. They asked Catalano’s husband several questions and then determined there was no criminality. But the incident left people in the neighborhood wondering if there is any such thing as privacy anymore.

Michele Catalano didn’t answer her door Thursday night, but wrote on her blog: “Mostly I felt a great sense of anxiety. This is where we are at. Where you have no expectation of privacy. Where trying to learn how to cook some lentils could possibly land you on a watch list.”

Her neighbors feel the same way.

“Invading privacy? It’s a little intimidating,” one person said.

Others, however, said it’s a way to save lives.

“I think they are doing their job, I really do,” a woman named “Ellen” said. “If they had done this in Boston, a lot less people would be hurt.”

Catalano is not giving interviews, but wrote that if she does decide to buy a pressure cooker in the near future, she won’t be doing it online, WCBS 880?s Alex Silverman reported.

It was a lesson that in the post-9/11and post-Boston bombing world even simple Google searches could land you in the midst of a police investigation.

Arriving in Heaven

A man is standing outside the gates of Heaven.

Saint Peter approaches and says “Can I help you?”

The man replies “No thanks.” He continues to stand on the clouds.

“Are you sure I can’t help you?” says Saint Peter.

“No. That’s fine,” says the man.

Several minutes pass before Saint Peter approaches the man again.

“Look,” he says, “You do realize that if you’re here, you’re dead — right?”

“Oh I realize that,” replies the man.

“You realize that,” Saint Peter repeats.

The man points down through the clouds. “I’m just waiting for the Medics down there to realize that!

 

This bracelet will save even more!

 

Teen sues school for $2 million over misuse of Facebook bikini photo

By Mike Flacy — June 25, 2013

Detailed by Atlanta’s WSB-TV news station, University of Georgia freshman Chelsea Chaney is suing the school district of her former high school after a photo pulled from her Facebook page was used in a district-wide presentation on what not to do on social media accounts. 17 years old at the time, the photo shows Chaney wearing a bikini while posing next to a cardboard cutout of rapper and singer-songwriter Snoop Lion. In addition to the photo, the Powerpoint slide included her Facebook profile name underneath the photo and the title of slide was “Once It’s There, It’s There to Stay.”

 It appears the presentation was referencing the dangers of posting written or visual content online that could potentially be damaging to someone’s reputation. The slide mentioned tools that could locate old content including Internet archive The WayBack Machine, cached pages stored by search engines like Google and search engines within social media sites.

According to documentation filed with the court, the following slide showed a cartoon of a daughter that’s embarrassed of her’s mother’s Facebook page because it lists “bad boys, jello shooters, and body art” as hobbies.

Seeking two million dollars in damages for using the photo in the presentation, the lawsuit claims that the presentation branded Chaney as a “sexually-promiscuous abuser of alcohol,” essentially shaming her at the time. Chaney, in attendance during the presentation, left immediately as she was “embarrassed” and “horrified.” According to Chaney and her father, the picture was taken during a family vacation and she subsequently posted it on her Facebook page during the vacation.

When asked about the photo’s use, Chaney said “It never crossed my mind that this would ever, ever happen to me.” The school claims that the choice of the picture was completely random and chosen by Curtis R. Cearley, the director of technology for the Fayette County Schools.

Chaney claims that the privacy settings on her Facebook page were limited to her friends and she has no idea how Cearley was able to locate the picture within her Facebook profile. According to Chaney, the school did not ask permission to use her photo within the presentation

After the presentation, the school did issue an apology letter to the family, however Chaney doesn’t believe the apology was sincere. Within the letter, Cearley wrote “In order to stress the public and permanent nature of the media, and in an attempt to make the presentation as relevant as possible, it included a photo of a Fayette County student, your daughter.”

When asked about the school’s actions, family attorney Pete Wellborn said “Their idea that putting something on Facebook gives them a license to steal it and Carte blanche to do with it what they did is wrong ethically, it’s wrong morally and it’s absolutely wrong legally.” Admittedly, the dollar figure on the lawsuit is set extremely high so the school would take note of the legal action. According to Wellborn, no legal action would have been necessary if the school simply held another assembly about respecting the rights of others when it comes to content posted on the Internet.

California school district issues social media contract to students

Smarter America Published August 06, 2013 FoxNews.com

A California school district is reportedly asking student athletes and those participating in extracurricular activities to sign a social media contract.

In an attempt to curb cyberbullying, the contract issued by the Lodi Unified School District bans “profanities or inappropriate language or remarks” directed toward teammates, coaches and other students. It also states that “general inappropriate language of profane or sexual nature” will also have consequences, FOX40.com reports.

“It has become an epidemic problem inside of the schools,” said Dawn Vetica, assistant superintendent of secondary education.

A first offense, according to the policy, will get a student benched or suspended from a game or meeting. The second could mean they are removed from the team or activity for the entire season. Administrators have not yet said what they will do if students don’t sign the contract, which some students criticized.

“No way, it violates our freedom of speech,” one student said Monday outside of Bear Creek High School, where dozens gathered in protest.

Another student protester said: “My mom has the right to prevent me from tweeting something when I’m not in school, not the school district.”

Priests on Vacation

Two Priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their “tourist” garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a “drop dead gorgeous” topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They could not help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said “Good Morning, Father. Good Morning, Father,” nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?

So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a very revealing string bottom, took her sweet time walking toward them. And again, they couldn’t help but stare.

Again she nodded at each of them, saying “Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father,” as she passed by. One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and called after her.

“Just a minute young lady!”

“Yes, Father?” she said as she stopped and turned back.

“We are priests and are proud of it, but I have to know: how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?”

The woman smiled, bent over a bit, and pulled off her sunglasses. “Father,” she said in a purr, “don’t you recognize me? It’s me — Sister Katherine!”

Thought For The Day…

We are told not to judge all Muslims by the actions of a few crazies.

BUT…

We are told to judge all gun owners by the actions of a few crazies”

Liberal Logic is also liberally hypocritical it seems!

 

 

 

AP Interview: USPS takes photos of all mail

The Postal Service is taking pictures of your mail

The agency says it’s to ensure “effective delivery”, but the cash-strapped carrier hangs onto them for a month and doles them out to security agencies on request.

Postmaster General Patrick R. Donahoe poses with next to a portrait of Benjamin Franklin, the first postmaster general, after an interview with the Associated Press at his office at U.S. Postal Service Headquarters in Washington, Thursday, Aug. 1, 2013. Donahoe has a wish list for raising cash for his financially ailing agency. High on it is delivery of beer, wine and spirits. In an interview with The Associated Press, Donahoe also endorsed ending most door-to-door and Saturday mail deliveries as cost-saving measures.

As the National Security Agency tries to recruit hackers to scan online data through its Prism program and law enforcement visits the homes of folks who use Google to look up “backpacks” and “pressure cookers,” at least there’s still the U.S. Postal Service to keep away the prying eyes, right?

Guess again. Even though the mail carrying agency is scarcely solvent, it somehow has the time and resources to take pictures of every piece of mail processed in the United States and hold onto it for a month.

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Postal Service takes pictures of every piece of mail processed in the United States — 160 billion last year — and keeps them on hand for up to a month.

In an interview with The Associated Press, Postmaster General Patrick Donahoe said the photos of the exterior of mail pieces are used primarily for the sorting process, but they are available for law enforcement, if requested.

The photos have been used “a couple of times” by to trace letters in criminal cases, Donahoe told the AP on Thursday, most recently involving ricin-laced letters sent to President Barack Obama and New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg.

“We don’t snoop on customers,” said Donahoe, adding that there’s no big database of the images because they are kept on nearly 200 machines at processing facilities across the country. Each machine retains only the images of the mail it processes. [Yet. At least not by the Post Office or that anyone in the “Intelligence” Community will admit to until a disgruntled mail carrier pulls a Snowden]

“It’s done by machine, so there’s no central area where any of this information would be,” he said. “It’s extremely expensive to keep pictures of billions of pieces of mail. So there’s no need for us to do that.” [How much could be saved by not keeping them period?!]

The images are generally stored for between a week and 30 days and then disposed of, he said. Keeping the images for those periods may be necessary to ensure delivery accuracy, for forwarding mail or making sure that the proper postage was paid, he said. [But apparently NOT for finding out why your package went missing, where it got mangled or why when you play for Next Day it takes 4 to get where it’s going and you cannot get a refund]

“Law enforcement has requested a couple of times if there’s any way we could figure out where something came from,” he said. “And we’ve done a little bit of that in the ricin attacks.” [NOTE THE PHRASE: ‘law enforcement has requested’ nothing about a warrant or court oversight in that statement at all]

The automated mail tracking program was created after the deadly anthrax attacks in 2001 so the Postal Service could more easily track hazardous substances and keep people safe, Donahoe said.

“We’ve got a process in place that pretty much outlines, in any specific facility, the path that mail goes through,” he said. “So if anything ever happens, God forbid, we would be able very quickly to track back to see what building it was in, what machines it was on, that type of thing. That’s the intent of the whole program.”

Processing machines take photographs so software can read the images to create a barcode that is stamped on the mail to show where and when it was processed, and where it will be delivered, Donahoe said.

The Mail Isolation Control and Tracking program was cited by the FBI on June 7 in an affidavit that was part of the investigation into who was behind threatening, ricin-tainted letters sent to Obama and Bloomberg. The program “photographs and captures an image of every piece of mail that is processed,” the affidavit by an FBI agent said.

Mail from the same mailbox tends to get clumped together in the same batch, so that can help investigators track where a particular item was mailed from to possibly identify the sender.

“We’ve used (the Mail Isolation Control and Tracking program) to sort the mail for years,” Donahoe said, “and when law enforcement asked us, ‘Hey, is there any way you can figure out where this came from?’ we were able to use that imaging.”

Please keep this in mind next time you need to send anything anyplace. Your patronage of the USPS helps them spy on you.

I’d really like to hang around for more chit chat but as I write this Monday night I have to go back to court for a second day of jury pool duty tomorrow. Apparently they decided after a questionnaire I have what it takes to possibly sentence a murder suspect to death.  I’m back at least again tomorrow for the jury pool until a jury of 12 good(?) men & women are empaneled for this case.

Should I be chosen for the case it will mean a disruption of several weeks in Leprechaun Laughs while I preform my civic duty. Impish has already said he will endeavor to step up and keep your humor levels up by putting forth something in my absence if it comes to that.

How about a big helping of ….

Why?  You may ask?
Just because I can.
Just because I felt like it.
Just because I’m up at 2 am and can’t sleep.

Cheers my friends.