Dragon Laffs #1345


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Good Morning Campers!!!
And a special  good morning to you Diaman, since I know you are reading this just as it publishes…
We have a GREAT issue for your entertainment, education and edification.  We are loaded with laffs!  And some really cool other stuff!
There are a couple of things I want to remind you of…. first of all, if you want to view a video, you have to go to the website and view it there!  How do you get to  our website?
Really?
Oh….
I see…..
New guy, right?
Okay, for you new folks, you get to the website by clicking here http://dragonlaffs.com or by cutting and pasting into your web browser the same.  While you’re there, especially if you are a new person, help us out by clicking on the link on the right column and donate a little our way to help the site stay free and stay ad free.  Bandwidth costs money.
Yeah, yeah, I know the rest of you guys all know that.
Anyway, let’s start right out with continuing on our Nerd/Geek theme from last week with this great visual…

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And now, how about we just start right up and …

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A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for her first cleaning and check-up. The hygienist tried to strike up a conversation but got no response. After the cleaning, the dentist was called in to do the final check. The dentist tried to strike up a conversation as well. “How old are you?” No response. The dentist then asked, “Don’t you know how old you are?” Immediately four tiny fingers went up. “Oh,” replied the dentist, “and do you know how old that is?” Four little fingers went up once again. Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked, “Can you talk?” The solemn little patient looked at him and asked, “Can you count?”

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I’ve got to train my Baileigh to be like this dog!!!

Here’s Baileigh.  Wonder if she’s got it in her…

DSC00045Nah!  Hell, she looks stoned as she is!  Oh well.

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coollogo_com-79710009A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6′ 2″, strong as a longhorn, and fast as mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff’s Department. After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man’s last interview. The Chief Deputy said, “You’re a big strong kid, and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an “Attitude Suitability Test”, that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don’t let anyone carry our badge, son.” Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, “Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Democrats, and a rabbit.” “Why the rabbit?” queried the applicant. “You pass,” said the Chief Deputy. “When can you start?”

How to recognize a Gay Bar:  For those of you who have trouble telling what kind of bar you are in, here’s a very simple pictorial explanation:

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Space humor…you gotta love it!

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My Dad sent me this one.  I was unaware of just how active a lifestyle he lives down there in Florida.

Retirement In Florida
 
Fifteen years ago my wife (Fran) and I (Don) moved into a retirement development on Florida’s southeast coast. We are living in the Delray/Boca/Boynton AREA.
Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-hachee. There are 3000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.

Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem.
 
       
Your days will be eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of your car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where you parked takes 20 minutes.
 
It takes 1/2 hour on the check-out line in Wal-Mart and 1 hour to return the item the next day.
Let me take you through a typical day. We get up at 5:00 AM, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk and Talk Club. There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6 AM. After a nimble walk avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity.
 
My wife goes directly to the pool for her under water Pilate’s class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my ‘Ask me about my Grandchildren’ T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals and go to the club house lobby for a nice nap.
Before you know it, it’s time for lunch. We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don’t have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.
 
We’re usually back home by 2 PM to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird about 3 PM, but we get there by 3:45 because we’re late eaters. The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. You can take home enough food for the next day’s lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and Sweet-and-Low along with mints.
 
At 5:30 we’re home ready to watch the 6 o’clock news. By 6:30 we’re fast asleep. Then we get up and make 5 or 6 trips to the bathroom during the night and it’s time to get up and start a new day all over again.
 
Doctor related activities eat up most of your retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don’t mind.
 
Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least half an hour just getting through the doctor’s phone menu. Then there’s the hold time until you’re connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget you’re holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.
 
Should you find you still have time on your hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate. Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for ‘The Vertically Challenged Over 80.’ I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers. The hoop is only 4 1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.
Food shopping is a problem for short seniors or ‘bottom feeders’ as we call them because they can’t reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they’ve never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can’t remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.
 
Lastly, it’s important to choose a development with an impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world traveler, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live…Murray’s Condos or the Lakes Of Venice? There’s no difference. They’re both owned by Murray who happens to be a cheap bastard.
 
I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you’re in Florida. I live in The Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach.

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Here’s another GREAT and FUNNY video coming up.  Don’t you think you ought to measure the height of the giant deer statue you are transporting BEFORE you go under a bridge?  And remember, you need to go to the website at http://dragonlaffs.com and while you’re there, why not buy us a cup of coffee?  Just click on the donate tab to the right and drop a couple of bucks on us.  Thanks!

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 DearFamily, Friends and Fellow Campers, 

Most of  you know or have heard us speak of our employee and friend Terrence Troll.  Well, his wife, Kathy went in for a surgical procedure for a Butt Lift using  the ObamaCare Medical Plan through your new state run insurance exchange.  We offered him OUR insurance, but he said that Kathy had insurance where she worked and he didn’t need ours. 

She didn’t have the most pleasant experience. She should’ve left well enough alone. We wanted to show you how it turned out. We hope this keeps YOU from having this done. 

Please, PLEASE, PLEASE. Don’t get a Butt Lift using the ObamaCare Medical Plan through your new state run insurance exchange.

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All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to
determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good
one.  
  
“I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed
she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked
the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some
hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.

I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.

On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.

At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and
died.” The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.  

“I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me.
 

I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the
chest.” The clerk couldn’t help but chuckle as he directs the man to the
waiting room.  

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He
apologizes and says “I doubt that your last day was as interesting as
the two fellow that arrived here just before you.”

“I don’t know” replies the man. “Picture this,  I’m buck naked
hiding in this cedar chest…………………………….”

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beer googles
Yup, I know the Leprechaun used this next picture last week, but I think this use is funny, too.
Bird watching
eatGREAT THREAT!!

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Hey!  Someone took a picture of the sign outside my house!!!

If you've got it
Procast

This is just plain fun.  I guarantee it will put a smile on your face

And if you look to the right on the YouTube page, you will find 45 more videos by these 2 wonderful guys.  I hope you have hours of enjoyment from them!

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TheObama family returned to the White House Sunday night
  after a 9 day vacation in Martha’s Vineyard. Many in Congress
were critical of the trip, and no doubt more will criticize the
President when when they return from their summer recess
on Sept 9.

President Obama interrupted his vacation at Martha’s Vineyard
to address the chaos in Egypt Thursday. His concern was real.
The moment Obama was told that churches were being burned
and stores looted, he asked the next three groups if he could
play through.

General Wesley Clark joined General David Petraeus and General
Colin Powell in the admission of infidelity. It’s become a military
tradition. If Nathan Hale stood on the scaffold today, he would
say he regrets that he has but one wife to leave for his country.

Fort Hood shooter Major Nidal Hasan told his court-martial trial
he murdered thirteen U.S. servicemen to protect the Taliban.
He still has the liberties of an American. Thanks to deregulation,
if Hasan gets the death penalty he gets to choose his own
electric company.

Pakistan began building an amusement park and a zoo in the town of Abbotobad last week where the Osama bin Laden raid took place. The habitats suit the environment. They are building a world class zoo, but you won’t be able to see the seals until
it’s too late.

Federal agents are targeting instructors who are teaching methods on how to beat lie detector tests. At least those people aren’t getting any business in Washington, D.C. where members of Congress don’t even care if they are caught lying anymore.

British Police are looking into new information on the death of
Princess Diana to see if it is relevant and credible. If it’s coming
out now 16 years after her death the best guess is probably neither.

A Buffalo man has been sentenced to prison for stealing $210,000 in quarters from parking meters. His only defense was that he is a changed man.

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I want to bring up a subject that may be a little difficult for you to understand or face calmly.  That is the rights of the Federal Government to interfere in the rights of the State Government to make and change rules for the states.  And quite honestly, they don’t have it.

In other words, the Federal Government does NOT have the right to interfere in the decisions the State Government makes for it’s own state.  First, let’s take a look at the article that birthed this calm and patient essay…

Justice Department sues Texas on voter ID law

The Justice Department said Thursday it will sue Texas over the state’s voter ID law and will seek to intervene in a lawsuit over the state’s redistricting laws.

Attorney General Eric Holder said the action marks another step in the effort to protect voting rights of all eligible Americans. He said the government will not allow a recent Supreme Court decision to be interpreted as open season for states to pursue measures that suppress voting rights.

On June 25, the Supreme Court threw out the most powerful part of the Voting Rights Act, whose enactment in 1965 marked a major turning point in black Americans’ struggle for equal rights and political power.

In the voter ID lawsuit, the U.S. government will contend that Texas adopted a voter identification law with the purpose of denying or restricting the right to vote on account of race, color or membership in a language minority group.

Intervening in the redistricting case would enable the federal government to present evidence about the purpose and effect of the Texas redistricting plans. A federal court in Washington, D.C., has previously held that Texas failed to meet its burden of proving that its 2011 redistricting plans and its 2011 voter identification law were not discriminatory.

Some of the compelling arguments listed in the comments section after the article are quite to the point, to whit, since we need to have photo ID for virtually every other single part of our lives, and we recognize (in those other parts) the benefit of properly identifying people for all other purposes, why, with something as important as voting, would you NOT agree for the necessity of having a photo ID?  The only reason ANY of us can figure for advocating not needing photo ID for the purpose of voting is a nefarious one.  It was proved over and over again in the 2012 election that Mr. Obama was the favorable recipient of many, many instances of voter fraud, with several crucial counties having a significant amount over 100% of the vote.  If you don’t know, that is mathematically impossible as well as logically highly improbable that there would have been NO votes for the opposition, especially since the exit polls showed that there were indeed numerous votes for the other side. 

Now, other than the logical need for a photo ID for voting, it is also NOT in the Federal Government’s purview to have ANY say in how a state conducts the business of voting.  They have no business telling Texas how they conduct their voting then they do telling them what color they will paint their courthouses!

I know, I know… Article Six of the United States Constitution establishes, amongst other things, that of the “Supreme Law of the Land” which states that whenever state law and federal law disagree, then the federal law will take precedence.  But tell me what law the state of Texas is breaking by trying to make it so that all voters are required to have a photo ID?  The Federal argument is that it is discriminatory.  If that’s the case, then it is discriminatory for ANYONE to require photo ID for anything!

I’m being discriminated against when the Post Office requires me to show photo ID to pick up a package that was addressed to me!

I’m being discriminated against when my pharmacy requires me to show photo ID when I pick up certain prescription drugs that were prescribed for me by my own doctor!

I’m being discriminated against when my bank won’t open an account without photo ID.  How fair is that?  Am I not entitled to a bank account?

Need I go on with these silly examples?  The Post Office, the Pharmacy and my Bank are only trying to verify that I am who I say I am because the country has gotten so populated that it is impossible for one person to know every, or even almost every other citizen in their district.  In the olden days, it was quite likely that most everyone who would have been put in charge of the voting procedure would have known, by sight, everyone in town who was coming in to vote and if they didn’t know them, odds were that someone whom they knew, knew the stranger.  Just as the banker, pharmacist and Post Master would also know the people in the town and there was no need for ID. 

Now, in the world we live in, it is quite acceptable to expect a verified source of identification to be shown upon request, as required for significant transactions.  And could there possibly be a more significant transaction that we would participate in then voting?

I think not!

Then how is it the Federal Government is challenging this law by saying it’s discriminatory?  Because poor people can’t afford a state ID?

Bullshit!

They have to have it for so many other things that they do, poor or not.

No, it’s much more likely that the team of Obama/Holder realize that such a large portion of their constituency will disappear when required to actually prove who they are and that they haven’t already voted 26 times!  The administration can’t hide in the dark when the clear, enlightened light of truth is shone into their shadows.

No gentlemen, we will do our best to insure that this doesn’t happen…
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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1345

  1. Tom says:

    Seems to me that photo ID won’t stop anyone from getting additional chances to vote if they simply get several different names and addresses to claim residence with and get several different photo IDs to go along with them. A better system is the ink on the finger or thumb after voting which is used in some countries to prevent voter fraud. The ink wears off after several days so it can’t be removed and multiple voting occur. I’m sure anyone who wants to get multiple IDs can, even with the “safeguards” of a photo.

    • impishdragon says:

      Tom,
      That is a great idea! Solves all the problems and addresses all the issues. I suppose you could get a polling location that has workers who are in on the voting scam, but the odds are pretty slim. I really like this idea, what does everyone else think?

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Many state require thumb prints be taken when applying for IDs and this info is digitially encoded on the optical swipe on back of the license. Instead of a cursory visual examination it seems to me that if they started making use of this swipe capability all problems with Voter ID would be solved!

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