Leprechaun Laughs # 207 for August 21st 2013


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When I uploaded my autopost last Monday night I told you I was not sure if I would be here this week or if I would be serving on a jury of a murder trial here in Harris County causing you to have to make due with some inferior dragon dropping Impish managed to scrap together left over from his Saturday issue.

(Just kidding Impish- no SERIOUSLY I’m JUST KIDDING!)

Despite having to return again Tuesday and sit in an actual Jury Pool through the process of picking a jury,

 I’M FREE!!

Seems that my actually having opinions on a range of issues from Prosecutors (politically ambitious) and Defense Lawyers (sleazy slimy snakes who never met a loophole  they would not exploit to get a paying client off and justice be damned) to the NRA/Second Amendment (already well documented here) and the Insanity Defense (total bullshit the way its written) made me UNFIT for a jury, well at least THIS jury anyway.

On the bright side believe it or not my check for Jury Duty has arrived already. Two days of my life, being patted down each day like I was a criminal, bad coffee that tasted suspiciously like it had been recycled…thru someone else’s kidneys first, plus being insulted and told that my strongly held opinions about misuse of our judicial system by sleazy lawyers renders me unfit for jury duty is apparently worth a mere $36.
 

I told Molly I was seriously considering using it to stock up on toilet paper. Somehow it seems the fitting thing to do with my reimbursement for preforming what the judge styled ‘the second highest service a citizen can preform for his country- the first being military service.’

 

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A Texas redneck was stopped by a game warden with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”

“Naw, my friend, I ain’t got no license. These here are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?”

“Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let ‘em swim ’round for a while, then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take ‘em home.”

“That’s a bunch of BS! Fish can’t do that!”

The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, “It’s the truth. I’ll show you. It really works.”

“Okay, I’ve GOT to see this!”

The redneck poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, “Well?”

“Well, what?” said the redneck.

“When are you going to call them back?”

“Call who back?”

“The FISH!”

“What fish?”

We in Texas may not be as smart as some, but we ain’t as dumb as most.
You smart ones have a good day.

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Now I don’t want to be the one to say the Almighty is in desperate need of cooking lessons, but I think we past burnt to a crisp about a week back!

 

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Having experienced the awesome and toxic ‘eruptions’ of Impish after accidental ingestion of black beans just once I am in full heartfelt agreement with his position on this subject.

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I’m going to point to frequency/duration of ride and of course the aforementioned black bean issue.

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EUREKA! AT LAST! An easily understandable flow chart of Impish’s Dining thoughts process!

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I’ve received many remarkable nature photographs over the years but this photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most remarkable Nature shot that I’ve ever seen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Nature is truly breath-taking!

A FALCON NESTING IN A TREE
http://i.imgur.com/YW6Fufm.jpg

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News of the Weird

Odd News

Explosive breast implants are now a terror threat

Explosive breast implants could be the next bomb delivery method used by al-Qaida

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/Blog/2013/08/16/Explosive-breast-implants-are-now-a-terror-threat/4521376677949/?spt=fsb&or=ros

By KRISTEN BUTLER, UPI.com | Blog Published: Aug. 16, 2013 at 3:05 PM

Al-Qaida’s chief bomb-maker Ibrahim al-Asiri is rumored to have developed explosives that can be concealed in implants or body cavities, and are undetectable by airport scanners.

Staff at London’s Heathrow Airport have reportedly been warned to be on the lookout for explosive breast implants, with one staff member saying “there are genuine fears over this.”

“We have been told to pay particular attention to females who may have concealed hidden explosives in their breasts,” the airport worker said.

“This is particularly difficult for us to pick up but we are on a very high state of alert.” The warning has led to long lines at Heathrow now near the end of summer travel season.

Since body scanners pick up objects outside the body, it’s not clear whether women are being frisked by hand.

“They are taking longer to screen people and there is definitely some sort of profiling going on,” said independent security analyst Paul Beaver.

Explosives expert Andy Oppenheimer said there is “great fear” that al-Qaida will put these medically-implanted explosives to use before too long.

“It’s pretty top secret and potentially very grisly and ghastly,” Oppenheimer said.

Well I can just see it all now. Shortly you’ll have to go to a Doctor to get a note that your generous endowments are in fact God granted and not man made if your larger than an A cup before the TSA will allow you to board a plane.

Anything above a B-cup will be classified as a potential WMD – Weapon of Mammary Destruction! Those aren’t cold erect nipples, nor is she excited to see you! Those are contact detonators just like on a mine!

But why stop the plastic explosives paranoia plane there? What about those butt implants? Those are not really any different from breast implants! How about the threat of Al-Qaida gynecologists preforming explosive reverse Caesarean sections? That will certainly add a new dimension and twist to the phrase “Who lit the string on your tampon?”

You fat assed guys with the ‘man boobs’ quit laughing at my wit. You’ll be falling under suspicion shortly as well. Just as soon as they make the next logic-less leap of paranoia!

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I NEVER HEARD CREATION EXPLAINED THIS WAY BEFORE !!!

In the beginning, GOD created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with Broccoli, Cauliflower and Spinach, GREEN and YELLOW and RED Vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live Long and Healthy Live s.

Then using GOD’S great gifts, SATAN created BEN and JERRY’S Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And SATAN said, “You want CHOCOLATE with that?” And Man said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “and as long as you’re at it, add some sprinkles.” And they gained 10 pounds. AND SATAN SMILED.

AND GOD CREATED THE HEALTHFUL YOGURT THAT WOMAN MIGHT KEEP THE FIGURE THAT MAN FOUND SO FAIR.

AND SATAN BROUGHT FORTH WHITE FLOUR FROM THE WHEAT, AND SUGAR FROM THE CANE AND COMBINED THEM. AND WOMAN WENT FROM SIZE 6 to size 14.

SO GOD SAID, “TRY MY FRESH GREEN SALAD.”

AND SATAN PRESENTED THOUSAND-ISLAND DRESSING, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

GOD THEN SAID, “I HAVE SENT YOU HEART HEALTHY VEGETABLES, AND OLIVE OIL IN WHICH TO COOK THEM.”

And SATAN brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

SO GOD THEN CREATED A LIGHT, FLUFFY WHITE CAKE, NAMED IT “ANGEL FOOD CAKE,” AND SAID, “IT IS GOOD.”

SATAN THEN CREATED CHOCOLATE CAKE AND NAMED IT “DEVIL’S FOOD.”

GOD THEN BROUGHT FORTH RUNNING SHOES SO THAT HIS CHILDREN MIGHT LOSE THOSE EXTRA POUNDS.

AND SATAN gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

THEN GOD BROUGHT FORTH THE POTATO, NATURALLY LOW IN FAT AND BRIMMING WITH NUTRITION.

AND SATAN PEELED OFF THE HEALTHFUL SKIN AND SLICED THE STARCHY CENTER INTO CHIPS AND DEEP-FRIED THEM. AND MAN GAINED POUNDS.

GOD THEN GAVE LEAN BEEF SO THAT MAN MIGHT CONSUME FEWER CALORIES AND STILL SATISFY HIS APPETITE.

And SATAN created McDonald’s and its 99-cent double Cheeseburger. Then said, “You want fries with THAT?” AND MAN REPLIED, “YES! AND SUPER SIZE THEM!” And SATAN said, “IT IS GOOD.”

AND MAN WENT INTO CARDIAC ARREST.

GOD SIGHED AND CREATED QUADRUPLE BYPASS SURGERY.

THEN SATAN CREATED Obamacare.

__IF YOU DON’T SEND THIS TO FIVE OLD FRIENDS RIGHT AWAY THERE WILL BE FIVE FEWER PEOPLE LAUGHING IN THE WORLD__

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Someone (not a loyal reader –GASP!) sent this link to me. I liked it, hope it makes you smile too!

 http://www.buzzfeed.com/harpercollins/17-problems-only-book-lovers-will-understand-9npd?s=mobile

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Mantiques

Visit the ultimate “man cave,” an antique store that only has one rule – “No sewing machines!”

 DL Introspection Header

Sports bars and sports bras:
so close in spelling, yet so far apart in philosophy.

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Funniest Taekwondo match ever

Just when you think an epic Taekwondo fight is going to start, this happens! These two combatants are more interested in breaking funny bones than noses!

 

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Sent in by a reader who said they found it on-line:

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Impish Isn’t that YOUR house?

 

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blog R Life

I’m actually hoping that Big Liberal Brother and the NSA actually ARE reading this today.

In some what of a departure I’ve posted summaries of 3 “News” ( I use that term in the broadest possible scope of the meaning since true news reporting lies buried with the likes of Walter Cronkite and Edward R. Morrow) which are all related in a sense Followed by my comments which provide a “thought bridge” more or less between them showing how I see them and how they are linked. Each article have a link to the original article and can be followed to read the full article should you be interested in a particular one.

I would caution you to skip this commentary at your own peril for two reasons;

A.) You’ll likely run head long into the ending graphic and probably painfully at that as this is the last item of the blog as it always is.

B.) The privacy and rights you might unknowingly forfeit by ignoring these developments might  WILL BE your own!

NSA Director Defends Surveillance to Angry Audience

by Paul Wagenseil, Senior Editor, Security, TechNewsDaily July 31 2013 06:09 PM ET

http://www.technewsdaily.com/18609-nsa-director-black-hat-talk.html?cmpid=529634

LAS VEGAS — National Security Agency Director Gen. Keith Alexander opened the Black Hat 2013 security conference here this morning with a defense of the NSA’s recently leaked programs that was alternately rueful, defiant and witty.

“I promise to tell you the truth,” Alexander said at the beginning of his keynote address, even as audience members passed around a carton of eggs that, thankfully, was not used.

The NSA surveillance programs exposed by leaker Edward Snowden exist because “terrorists live among us,” Alexander explained.

Apparently the NSA is applying the Viet Nam war “Kill them all, let God sort ‘em out later” philosophy to National Security with a ‘Spy on everyone, let them protest their violated privacy and civil liberties later after we have done it” mind set!

But seriously, is it any wonder they don’t think they are doing anything wrong? When was the last time you met a department of government that actually admitted they were doing wrong and it was their fault, not something they were forced to do or was beyond their control?

 

Silent Circle Follows Lavabit, Shuts Down Secure Email Service

by Paul Wagenseil, Senior Editor, Security, TechNewsDaily August 09 2013 10:53 AM ET

A day after Lavabit, the secure email service used by National Security Agency leaker Edward Snowden, shuttered its doors, a more high-profile secure-communications provider also decided to end its email service.

“Email that uses standard Internet protocols cannot have the same security guarantees that real-time communications has,” wrote Jon Callas, chief technology officer of Silent Circle, on the company’s blog today (Aug. 9).

“There are far too many leaks of information and metadata intrinsically in the email protocols themselves,” Callas wrote. “Email as we know it with SMTP, POP3, and IMAP” — the standard email networking protocols — “cannot be secure.”

Callas, whose resume includes stints at Apple, Hewlett-Packard and PGP Corporation, said the Lavabit shutdown forced his hand.

“We see the writing the wall, and we have decided that it is best for us to shut down Silent Mail now,” he wrote. “We have not received subpoenas, warrants, security letters or anything else by any government, and this is why we are acting now.”

In his own online posting yesterday (Aug. 8), Lavabit operator Ladar Levison implied that government pressure forced him to close Lavabit.

Note the date/time stamp highlighted above and compare it with the one highlighted below if you want to know if you should put a farts worth of belief in the Liberal Bullshitter in Chief’s empty words of appeasement.

Obama Announces NSA Spying Reforms

by Paul Wagenseil, Senior Editor, Security, TechNewsDaily August 09 2013 04:24 PM ET

http://www.technewsdaily.com/18635-obama-nsa-reforms.html?cmpid=532504

President Barack Obama today (Aug. 9) announced four major reform initiatives designed to restore trust in the U.S. government and the intelligence community in the wake of the revelations leaked by former National Security Agency contractor Edward Snowden.

“Given the history of abuse by governments, it’s right to ask questions about surveillance,” Obama said during a White House press conference.

“It’s not enough for me as president to have confidence in these programs,” Obama said, adding that the American people needed to have confidence as well.

Gee HUGE surprise here! We got caught by an unimpeachable source with our hand elbow deep in the forbidden cookie jar of our citizenships rights and their mad as hell. We’ll make placating noises now that we can’t blow its off, brush it aside and doing whatever is necessary to keep them safe or spin it under the carpet.

You want us to believe you’re truly sincere about reforming this grossly excessive violation of the rights of US Citizens?  How about starting by issuing one of those Executive Orders your so damned fond of Obama says the intelligence community will immediately cease ALL pressure on Internet related services providers to grant them unrestricted access sans benefit of a warrant with PRISM you lying liberal sack of pig shit!!

You’re talking changes and reform but mean while the pressure (at least as evidenced by the previous article) is still being applied and in fact appears to be ramping up! The logic being applied is apparently the same as in war when a cease fire is likely in the near future. Full field press to gain as much foothold as you possibly can and consolidate your holdings before it happens, then afterwards return as little as you possibly can get away with.

Don’t expect any of these noises about change to ever be anything more than just that- meaningless sound bites of intended to baffle most voters with bullshit noises that will all dying a quick quiet and ugly death in committee never to be heard of again.

The NSA works in a Black World folks. Little to no oversight or accountability and when you DO manage to shine a light on their activities they run like roaches for the dark and throw out lies and false statements to confuse placate and obfuscate while they get themselves so far back in the dark you’ll never find them again.

The truth is the NSA doesn’t want or like oversight or accountability and neither does the government. For one it makes their job harder for the other it’s the specter of potential scandal always hanging over their heads.

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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